Shownotes Transcript
You two are bad Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude You two are disgusting You two are something We're bad friends I forgot that part Did it start? Yes This sucks already
It's way too loud in my head. I don't know who your last psychotic guest was, but... Yeah, yeah. Don't take shots at previous guests. Oh, sorry. Was it Hilary Duff? It was. Yeah, yeah. It was Hilary Duff. The Duffster. The Duffster did. Like me. Yeah. It happened. What is your name? Lisa. Gilroy. Clap around. Clap the hands of the Lisa. You're so talented. I'm enamored by you. You're what? Enamored? Is that the right word? That's so nice, Bobby. I'm enamored by you.
Okay. Good word. Did I get that word wrong? No, you got it right. It was beautiful. Okay. I can't believe you make your guests sit in this chair full of farts. Jack Black sat on that. Did you fill it up with farts? We did. Yeah, yeah. Jack Black. Yeah. Jack Black farts. Which are magical farts. Does it get refilled all the time? Because it's pretty firm. Yeah. Never been refilled. We filled it up one time. Really? Yeah. Is it not comfortable? It's okay. I had a chair like this in my room when I was a little girl.
When I was a little girl. And now you're a big girl. Now I'm actually pretty big. Oh, I like that character. Can you make up a character on the spot? Is that how talented you are? Sure. Give me a suggestion. A baker in the 1950s. Oh, I'm one of the big supplies. Wow. Did you see that, dude? Pretty good. Yeah, we should call Pixar or something. Yeah, call Pixar. Yeah. Do you have... What? Give me a character.
Can you call Pixar? Pixar? Yeah, I can call Pixar. Really? I'll give you a character. Yeah. One of the cars from Cars, but it's broken and it's a bus, but it's a little tiny bus that only a shrimp can see. Okay, all right. Santino, this one's for Bobby, right? Hey, Santino, look at me. You can have a turn next. All right. Car.
awesome hey that's really good pretty good yeah give andrew one he's so good at this okay yours is um okay okay okay okay a guy who's like middle-aged who's a podcaster who lives in la okay hey what's up yeah back to the show yeah it's so good awesome and there was tongues out yeah yeah i'm a psychic
Can I add on to it or not? Yeah. I'm so sorry. No, no, no. Go ahead. Oh, that's funny. Okay, if you do that character, you do the character that's like the sidekick of the podcaster. Okay, go ahead. And let's say, wait, wait, wait. I'll give you more like character stuff to color it out. So like let's say you're kind of mean and you're kind of stupid. Okay, go. Yeah. Yeah. Welcome back to our show, idiot guest. Yeah.
we had a guest yeah perfect perfect right good that's so he's confused he didn't even know that there was a guy yeah I got that I thought you did it please Lisa what company are you in again yeah what are you talking about what improv group are you in oh um I guess just right now I do ASCAT and Dinosaur ASCAT and Dinosaur both UCB
Are those not the two most embarrassing names of things you've ever heard? Yeah. I just heard them for the first time. Who's in Dinosaur? Paul Scheer, Rob Hubel, Rob... Stop. Enough said. Sorry. Enough said. What do you like them? What am I like them? Do you like them? Yeah, I love them. Jason Manzoukas? Jason Manzoukas, yeah. So talented. Can I tell you... Is this UCB? Am I wrong? It is UCB. No, our show is monthly at the Largo. Largo. Can I tell you a compliment about Jason Manzoukas? Sure.
I was on a sitcom called Animal Practice It's so good have you seen it? Shut the fuck up Do I bring up mixology? I wish you would it was my favorite show that I ever did Yeah There he is It was a sitcom on NBC called The Star Was the Monkey He's on the right Is that the same monkey from Friends? Is that the same monkey from Friends? Is it actually? Yeah yeah yeah
And so look at the poster, right? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Tyler Labine, Betsy Sedaro. Oh, I love Betsy. Yeah, she's great. Who's the girl on the front left? Tyler Labine, he just said. Yeah. Tyra Labine? Tyra Labine. I actually love Tyra. So the show got canceled and it was the day. Can I get a duh? Duh. Can I get a woof? Yeah. I don't know. I was thinking because it's animal practice. And I was going to Seth Meyers'
birthday party name drop you know produce it huh the Russo brothers Joe and Anthony Russo Joe welcome to the Russo brothers pizza place this is no do we produce TV shows what after they did a Captain America Civil War right endgame all those ones age of neutrons everybody has a flop here and there oh fuck you what have you done a movie that you can't even get off the ground
That we're not gonna fucking do? We're gonna do it. You're all talk! Wait, you wrote a movie for the gang to star in? It's a zombie movie. Yeah, and he had funding. So we're all gonna fly out. Not you, but I was gonna fly out to Spain. I wasn't gonna do it. Right? And then last minute he's like, I lost funding. I'm like, no shit. Bobby, why didn't you just fund it?
I don't believe in the project. I don't believe in the project. Gilroy. Well, why were you going to star in it then? Anyway, can I finish this? I was going to the Seth. Yes, you have a competition. Right. And then so I was walking down Sunset from the store. And then behind me, Jason Manjus just walked by me. Then he looked at me and he paused. He gave me a side hug. And he goes, I'm so sorry about your show.
And I go, I didn't know him that well. And I thought, what a nice guy. You know what I mean? To be there for me in that moment. What are you thinking? I was thinking, well, maybe he didn't know...
Well, I was thinking he meant I'm sorry that you're on the show. He said, I'm sorry about your show. That's nice. But it got canceled. No, he didn't know it got canceled. He's saying, I'm sorry that you're on that. You think that's what it was? That's what I think he was saying. He saw a trailer was like, fuck, dog. I'm sorry you're on that show.
and are you guys like feeling the puns that are flying around in the air no i don't know you said he paused yeah and said sorry about your show and then you say pause and said sorry dog that your show got canceled yeah we get it we're seeing so many animal things like the chemistry in here is electric are you guys feeling that yeah exactly get it we're having so much fun i've never seen your ankles before well you still have it yeah i'm wearing red socks yeah do you see them on the camera
Yeah, a little bit. What is a body part that you don't like about yourself? Belly button, too deep. Too deep, yeah. Way too deep. I could get lost in there. Yeah. Mine's so deep it goes out the back. Wow. And it's giving me spina bifida. Wow. It's very deep. What about you? What's a body part you don't like? Can I tell you? I have a story about my belly button. You can't take the one that she just said that's impossible. No, it's just a story. It has nothing to do with that. I don't like my belly button. Oh. Yeah, yeah. Something that happened. So I literally for 20 years never cleaned it.
My belly button. Thanks for coming by, Lisa. And I was with a girl who was so embarrassing. We're in bed. And she goes, why is your belly button black?
I go, what do you mean? She goes, I mean, when I look at it, it's just like a black dot. I go, I've never looked at it. And she said, is it dirty? So I stuck my finger in it and I did a scoop. It was like a scoop of soil. Ew. It was so embarrassing. And she was like, I'm going to go home or something like that. Imagine if you just grew something in there, it would be so cute. Yeah, what? Plant a little seed. Like a tomato plant? Yeah.
Yeah, anyway, and now I clean it religiously. So is dirt in there from you were flopping around in the mud? No, it's 20 years of not cleaning it. Yeah, but what would get in there? What dirt has access to your belly? You're telling me you're not rolling down a hill sometimes? You're just rolling down a hill? You don't frolic, lady? I do, but I usually have a t-shirt on. Okay, well, I do it shirtless. Yeah, shirtless. And you got dirt and debris in there. Is there a body part you don't like about yourself? I asked you first, but yeah. I'll tell you mine. What is it? My testicles.
And I'll tell you why. It's the wrong color. Thanks for coming by, Lisa. It's the wrong color. It? Oh, no. Well, no, no, no. They get lonely, so they morphed into one. They've joined each other. You've heard the term two peas in a pod? Yeah. That's what we're made not to do. And the pod is the dick and the balls are inside? You got it. Oh, Bobby, I'm scared for you. Yeah, anyway, it's the color of- You need to go to animal hospital.
Animal practice. Animal practice. Yeah. Sorry, I'm the fucking idiot. Yeah, yeah. Would have been a great callback, though. Yeah, thanks. I'll try again later. Yeah, yeah. Try to use another animal practice reference. But my point is that it's too dark of a purple. Mm-hmm. You've seen it. I have. It's way too dark. No, it's very dark. I'm thinking about getting bleached. No, leave it as it is. No, no. I have to bleach them. The purple color is probably coming from blood inside your body, which is normal, right? No.
No it's actually not Your testicles should not be a Dramatically different color Like curdled blood it shouldn't look like that You know if you like squeeze your fingertip And it turns purple Is it like that? And there's a ring a purple ring Around the actual shaft Let's move on That's ringworm bro You gotta get to animal hospital Practice Who fucking cares about that show I know exactly Have you been on a sitcom?
No. Touche. You're on a show right now. It's not a sitcom, but you're on a television show. I am? What's the show called? You are. What the fuck? You're on Interior Chinatown. Oh, yeah. But that's not right now. I mean, that's on the... Yeah, you're on that show. You're a series regular. So when you're streaming, you're just on something forever? So if Jennifer Aniston was here, you'd be like, you're on a show right now, right? Friends. No, no, she's on a show. She actually is on a show right now.
It's on Apple. Yeah, but. Good morning. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? Well, if you're on a show, you're on a show. So you've been on a show before. Yeah. Right. Is this show on the air right now? It's on Hulu, which means it's going to be there for a long time. That's right. So you're on the show. Until they take it down, you're on the show. Oh, okay. I didn't know. They told me I was off the show. Oh, you got kicked off? Yeah.
Yeah. No, be real. Is that really? Yeah, well, I think it's done. I think it's a limited series, so it's over. It's like you got fired. It's just the whole show is done. Feels like I got fired, dude. Yeah, if you don't have a job, it does feel like you got fired. In our animated show, she should do a voice. We already talked about it. Okay. You're having an animated show? None of your business. Please. All right, you're in. Or should I say please? Or should I say please?
Wow. Not the last one. No, not the last one. You want the last one? Oh, I love that one. Okay. That's a really good one. Yeah. What character can that be? She's a lady who is a mailman. Mail carrier. A mail carrier. Thank you. Do you do stand up? Sometimes a little. Okay. Do you go on the road ever? I've been on the road before. Yeah. Yeah. As a headline or a feature?
No, I'm just kidding. I was saying like I've been on the road like in a car. Yeah, yeah. No, I don't like tour doing stand-up. I just do sometimes stand-up around here in the little different theaters like UCB and Largo and Dynasty and stuff. But if we had a show hypothetically. Yeah. And he goes, hey, Lisa, do you want to do 15 minutes? Could you do it? Yeah, I could do it. Okay. That'd be fun. Yeah, she could. Yeah, she could. Gonna do it in this voice. Please.
Please. Yeah. I want to do Love is Blind with your audience. And I want to do it in this voice. And I want to be in a garbage bag the whole time with a microphone. Have you always been like this as a kid even?
No, as a kid, I was an accountant. I was very serious. When did this blossom? Oh, that's just a sweet little thing to say. When did what blossom? The show, the TV show Blossom. When was that on the air? That was such an impact on me. I collected hats like how she had those hats. She was so rad. She was so cool. I remember thinking about it. I was like, that girl's like the coolest chick on TV. Yeah. What's her name again? Blossom. Thank you. When did your comedy instinct kick in?
I guess. Mayim Bialik. Yeah, Mayim Bialik. Isn't she a fucking, isn't she like a NASA level genius? Yes, yes. Isn't that so cool to think? It's pronounced NASA, by the way. NASA? NASA level genius? Yeah. Yeah. She really is. She's a neuroscientist. She's a STEM advocate. Wow. Can you believe that? You know what's so funny? We don't even know what that means. STEM, science, technology, engineering, and math. Jinks, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15. Your sister's gonna die in a crash. Fuck. Fuck.
Let me call my sister real fast. Lisa. Sorry. I guess it's just always been there, your comedy instinct. When did your comedy instinct arrive? Fuck you. Well, I want to know. I'm part of your fucking arrogant way about things that you do. Really? Bobby. Why? Why? I'm sorry, I haven't. So be careful driving the road tonight. I love you.
See, that's interesting because you technically won the jinx battle, but because I said something bad, you thought you lost it. When you go to 15 and does jinx, you're next to kin sibling. That is what happens when you go to 15. I don't know. Canada might be different than the States, but here it is if you go to 15. Oh, Canada. I have to remember. Yeah, you have to remember. That's where you're from. Oh, Canada. Three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
Your people are weak. Hey. Hey, hey, hey. That was all right. I made that up. We love Canadians. They're the best. They just beat us in hockey. Yeah. What a game. Did you watch that? Do you care? Four Nations was tight. Toronto or Vancouver? Are those my options from where I get to be from? No, where are you from? I'm from Edmonton, Alberta. Edmonton. Edmonton. We talked about that earlier. We did. Yeah. Are your parents oil people? Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh.
Lisa, when are you going to come back and visit me? Exactly. I'm slamming the door, Dad, I'm locking it. He just goes... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. How's that, Larry? Yeah. He sounds mean, but he's so nice. Very good oil monster. That is an oil monster. You're the best at that. Thank you. Yeah. See...
I'm not allowed to ask these questions? What the fuck? I didn't say you weren't. Fuck off. Oh, that's Canadian. See? Yeah, that was Canadian. That's Canadian. And you're wearing a toque as well, which is great. Did you start your career in Canada or here, LA? Love the word toque. Toque is an infinitely better word than beanie. Toque you. Toque you. That's what I use it for. That's your cousin. Yeah, you fuck a toque motherfucker. Do you have a different word for balaclavas? Baklava. Love. Very good. You like that? Yeah. Yeah. It's a Greek dessert. Anyway, um...
And we're back to Manzuka's. Yeah, right back to it. Yeah. So did you start there or did you start in LA? Started in Edmonton. I was doing improv there. Wow. And I was a drama teacher. Where'd you meet her husband? In Edmonton. In Edmonton. She moved out here together? Yeah. Children? No. Okay. Except for these two. Yeah.
Yeah. Take me home, mommy. Yeah. Do you want them? I actually feel a little like, yeah, you guys are two little rascals. It's like I've spent time with each of you individually and now you're together and you might gang up on me, but I don't sense it happening. I think I could kind of create a wedge in between. Can I say something? I think we've created such a nice environment for you to come to do that. Not only that, and I find it to be- Haven't we? Lisa Gilroy?
I find that sentiment to be rude. Thank you. And I want to tell you something because it's something you said the last time. Bobby. Sorry. Let's gang up on her right now. Yeah, I want to gang up. The last time you said to me, you go, I thought you were going to be crazy, but you're like super nice and sweet. It's a thing that you assume that rattles my mind. First of all, I didn't say that to you. I know. She said that about you. Both of us. She said, she goes, I thought you were going to be mean. Mean. That's what it was. Yeah, yeah. We're not mean. We're nice. We're fucking nice. Yeah, you toque.
Hell yeah. Yeah, dude. You're a toot motherfucker. Well, now me and Megan are going to gang up on you guys. Right, Megan? She's so skinny, she's invisible, but she's hot as hell, and she's a neuroscientist. Wow. And Megan and I are sisters, and she... Oh, what?
Girl, you're crazy. What did she say? What did she say? She said she has a crush on one of you and she's not going to say who. Oh, I already know. If it's Carlos. That's your way of saying that he's handsome. If it's Carlos, I'm going to be fucking pissed off. Fuck you. Megan told me not. I don't want to. I don't want to. But she has an Asian fetish. Cause any problems. You know? You think she has an Asian fetish, your imaginary friend? Let me ask her. You can't say that. Oh, shit. And you shouldn't say that. You should not. Yeah, Megan. Megan.
Anyway. Let's play a game. Shut up, weird eyes. That's what she said about me. Move on. That's actually exactly what she said. I know. Do you guys have some sort of horn sound or something you can play? Oh, God. We can do it ourselves. We do them all the time. Ready? Yeah. Which one do you like? I'll go first. Go. Go.
That's right. Welcome, everyone, to the Friendship Championships. Today I have Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino, and we are going to absolutely test them on years of friendship. Now, I've spoken to the boys ahead of time, and I've gotten their answers to these questions. It's a bit of a newlywed game, all right? First question is for you, Bobby. Yeah. Andrew once described your head as looking like what?
A, a dead kid's head. Yeah. B, a toilet covered in piss. Yeah. Or C, a lemon head. Lemon head. Your whole head. Yeah. Looks like, you know the lemon head guy? Yay! Yay! I know that. And the reason why he said lemon, because it's yellow now. No, no, no, no. It's just the shape. It's just the oval. The yellow had nothing to do with it. Bam! Bam!
It's over. This question is for Santiner. There we go. Now, Bobby once described your head as a A, penis, B, a boil, or C, a woman's head. I'm going to go with B, boil. Your whole head looks like a fucking boil. Yay! Awesome. This is great. What a fun show. Yeah. And for the final round, for the final round. Wow.
Exactly. Okay. This question is for Bobby. If Santino grew up with you and was a little boy with you when you were both growing up as little boys, what would he do every day? This is an open-ended question. He would give me a wedgie? Let's take a look at the board. If I grew up with you, I would have punched you as hard as I could. Every day. Very close. I lost. I don't think that's true.
I think it's true and it's rude. If we grew up together. Yeah. You already said you'd punch him as hard as you could every day. You know how close we would have been when we were little boys. I know. If we were the same generation. No, I'm not taking a shot. I'm saying if we literally grew up in the same time, we would have been such buddies. Troublemaker, dude. You know what I would do with you if you were my sister? What? What?
Every day. That's the show. I would sneak into your room. I would clip hairs from you. Oh, God. No, it's not weird. No, it's just, yes, well, definitely fucking weird. It's not weird. Wait, I'm listening. Thank you. Hear him out, hear him out. And then I would find a squirrel skull. A squirrel squale? A squirrel skull. They're all over the place. Yeah, in the woods, right? And I would find the perfect one. You could just maybe look in your belly button. That, right? And what I would do is I would make a demonic epitaph.
Right? I would take this. A hillbilly elegy? Yeah, yeah. I would take this hairs, right? Jam it in the fucking squirrels, your mind and their mouth part of the skull, like in that part, right? It would be sticking out. I would take a stick, right? I would probably put like frog warts. Okay. I think that does something. Like frog skin. The warts. Just the warts. I would squirt it on it. You know what I mean? Yeah, that makes sense. Right? And then I would get black handles.
Black candle. Yeah. And I would put a circle and put this epitaph. Is that the right word? Epitaph? No. Yes. Effigy? No, no. No. Yeah. Effigy. Sure. Right? And I would do demonic seances. Whatever, right? Yeah. And it would haunt you.
And I would be gleefully laughing. Anyway. I love that. I've always wanted a brother. Yeah, yeah. You know what I would do with you, Bobby? If I were your brother? Yeah. I would be an adopted, so be careful. We could be halves. That's true. I would get a soccer ball and I would knock on your door and ask you if you wanted to kick it around in the backyard. That's nice. And then I'd say, I'm getting bullied at school. You're the only one I trust. Thanks for spending this time with me.
I take it back then. I won't clip your hair as I'm making it. Here comes the bully. Yeah. Hey, Lee. Stay away from my brother. I'm sick of your dumb sister coming around the school acting all smart because she's in STEM. Yes. Oh, God. Bobby, this is my teacher, Mr. McKesson. She is dumb. What? Yeah.
You want to see my... I made a little thing. What? What did you make? Oh, yeah. Maybe we could join the science. Like an effigy or something? Like an effigy, dude. Right? Show it to me. Look at that. Keep it in my pocket all day long. Are those black candles? Yes, they're black candles, right? Whoa. These are her hair. You're awesome, Lee. Yeah. Do you feel sick at night? Yeah. Bingo. Whoa. Tokajiko maluka. Gogo salopo. Whoa.
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- My math teacher in the eighth grade literally did this.
I said something like I'm here or something. And he went, oh, no way. In front of the class for the whole class. The whole class laughed. And I laughed too nervously. It's terrible. In my mind, I was like, I don't think that's right. I think that's not OK. Yeah. Yeah. But you had one teacher that you like loved as a kid that you were like, they're so they're the coolest, nicest. I didn't have that experience because you're a bad kid. Same. I was I had one teacher that hate that loved me.
So much, but he also hated me where he's like.
Oh, yeah. Okay. I had one of those. Mr. Babin was mine. Yeah. We all have one that they're like, I wish you weren't such a disruption because you're such a like, you're a fun light. Yeah, that's so true. Mr. Babin, he on the last day of school, he gave me a Blues Brothers poster because I love those really into the Blues Brothers. Love. And I was so excited. It was like at the beginning of the last class. And he's like, you know, you're a crazy kid. Here's a poster. And then by the end of class, he was like, I got to take that poster away from you because you're talking so much. It was like it became a punishment immediately. Yeah.
Couldn't even be a nice gift. Do you like the Blues Brothers? Yeah, I was really into them when I was... You didn't like the Blues Brothers? No, so I did a movie with Jim Belushi. Iconic. Four months ago. Animal Hospital the movie? Oh, you're so good. I can't get why I won't buy you. It's wonderful. Oh, wow. What a wonderful treatment. What a good experience. I like it. Oh, no.
Yeah, I'm about to snap. Why? Don't. I'm about to go ape shit crazy. Oh, no, no, no. Ape shit like? Animal Hospital? Anyway, him and Dan Aykroyd still tour with Belushi. I found that interesting. Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. The other Belushi? Yeah. No, Dan Aykroyd and Jim Belushi. Oh, yeah. John Belushi's brother. Yeah. Jim Belushi, in his own right, was a star. He was on a sitcom called The Golden Gym. Yes, yes, yes. I just didn't realize that I guess he could sing as well as John.
He can. Wow. Yeah. And he can do a lot of things like John did. Wow. Okay? The talent is in the family. That's awesome. Okay? I don't like your line of questioning here. That's just an honest line of questioning. You're right. I'm being awful. Thank you. I love you. Thanks for doing it. I love you too. Are you okay? Did you have a grumpy day? I was telling these guys I haven't been sleeping much. You haven't been sleeping. And it's been five days of holding within my calm.
Don't you just come in your belly button? No. I'm trying not to relieve myself in that way. That's why his balls are purple. It's held up down there. Yeah, it's held up. Like a bank robbery. Yeah, some people get blue. I get purple. Okay. Yeah, and so- Popo bows. Sorry. That's how my dad said it. Yeah, popo bows. Popo bow. Lovey? Yeah, yeah, dad.
I don't know why I do an accent when you talk, Dad. That's my bad. Show me your balls. I don't know, Dad. Show me. Okay. Or your friend Lisa has to go home. All right, all right. I'm not Lisa. I'm the mail carrier. Yeah. I'm the show. Is that an oil, Dad? Yeah, yeah. All right. Zip. Boing. Boing. Purple. Does your dad listen? Yeah, from heaven. Thanks for bringing that up. I didn't know. Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah. - He's gone. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - When an Asian guy dies, you know they say you take your last breath, some people are like. - Yeah. - His dad went . - Oh, wow.
I don't know if that's right. It was. Yeah, you think that. You called me. Yeah, but you were the one that told me that when regular girls haunt people, they go boo. And what does my dad do? Ooh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's wrong. I think it is. You've never heard your dad in your house? Yeah. But it's more like. No, no. You think your dad's haunting you for real? Do you think your dad's haunting you? I think his lower half is.
And it's possessing your balls and that's what made them all. Yeah. My theory is this, Lisa Giller, if you want to hear. I'd love to hear it. When my father died, my brother and I argued about the ashes. Yeah. So then I go, just split them up.
But I go, make sure my brother gets the upper half and I get the bottom half. Because if a ghost haunts you, you'd rather hear footsteps than the actual po-do-do-do. Yeah, that's true. Right? Have you ever been haunted? I don't really think so. Uh-oh. Sounds like someone has a traumatic event. Yeah. I didn't know. What happened? I heard a little girl's voice once in my house.
But that's it. That's a haunting. Go on, go on, go on. That's it. That's all that happened. I literally heard something else happen. What did it say? It said, one day in the future, you are going to go on a podcast with two guys and you have to kill them and slit their throats before they get in their cars and get in the parking lot. And if you don't, you will never be avenged. You will never survive the curse. Wow. That's why I'm here. I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah.
And that's why... Swing. That's why I clip your hair. Yeah. Okay, and make a squirrel epitaph. Yeah. I wish you would kill me. Yeah, me too. You had a grumpy day too? You're not sleeping, bud? I actually had a really nice day. That's why I want to die. Oh, because you'd be going out on a high note? Yeah, we did everything I wanted to do. We talked about animal practice. Yeah. Blues Brothers. And you know what? We...
Me too. Kill us both. I'm going to kill you guys both. But first, I'm going to take you. Okay, this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to give you all the chocolate you ever wanted to eat. I'm going to take you to a beach where you can run around and go crazy. Come on. I'm going to let you eat grapes, cheese, all the stuff that you weren't allowed to eat before. Grapes and cheese? Both? Yeah, I'm going to let you up on the couch.
Not even with the blanket there. You can just come right up. Shoes on. Snuggle with me. Shoes on. I'll give you belly rubs. Do both of them the belly rubs? Remember his belly. Oh, yeah. It's your last time you get a belly rub. What's up? I'm sorry. I said that I clean them out now, my belly buttons. It's so interesting. You have two belly buttons and one ball. Yeah. Anyway, watch it. Thank you. Do you have an Audi? No, I have a Bronco. Oh, sick. They're fast, huh? Mm-hmm.
You have an innie or an outie belly button? Innie. Don't say it like people don't have outies. I've never seen an outie. Huh? You have an outie or an innie? Why do I feel like only like eight-year-old boys have outies? Yeah. Because they get them fixed at some point. They get them fixed or they get them like pushed in? That's an outie? No, thank you. They don't push them in. Oh, yeah. You got to get your uncle. I think I have an outie based on that photo. Can I just show you? Yeah.
No, you do have an Audi. That's an Iny Audi. Like Severance. Oh, I have a Severance belly button. Wow. Do you like that show? Yeah, I love it. It's a great show. Can't get enough of this stuff. There's a lot of good shows out now. I haven't seen anything. You've never seen Severance? I watched the start
And then I fell asleep on the plane and then I never got back to it. I did see a documentary about that girl that faked that she had brain cancer yesterday. Oh, I watched the series of that, Apple Cider Vinegar. I heard that wasn't as good. Oh, I loved it, but I haven't seen what you've seen and you haven't seen what I've seen. Do you want to run at each other full speed? Okay, I don't know anything what you're talking about, so I want to see it.
Apple Sound of Vigor is this show about the girl who fakes that she had. She's an Australian girl named Belle Gibson. Yeah. Belle Gibson. And Belle Gibson. She's from Melbourne. It really drove me nuts that they kept calling her in the documentary Belle Gibson, because it sounds like Mel Gibson. They say it all the time. Like, well, that's when Belle Gibson went on her little tirade. Yeah. I was like, ooh, I remember that on PCA. Tell me about Belle. She faked that she had brain cancer.
And spleen cancer and blood cancer and brain cancer. And she was in Australia. Yeah. You saw a documentary on Netflix? And I saw the like... Show on Netflix. Yeah, the show based on it. They made a show based on it and they put them out basically at the same time. Like I never saw the Mendez Brothers show. Oh, the Mendez Brothers. Yeah. They killed their parents. The show was pretty good. Yeah. It was called Mononsters, I think. The Vendetta Brothers? The Vendetta Brothers. I have a speech impediment. So do I.
Okay, then touche. There's Belle Gibson right there taking a photo. Belle, tell us why you faked your cancer. At the time, I didn't. I had brain cancer. Belle, come on. You said you went to a doctor in Perth. At the time, I- Quite frankly, we looked up the doctor. Doesn't exist, Belle. Belle. Those are my medical records and they're personal and private to me. One moment. My son's here. Yeah.
What are you talking about? My adopted son. My adopted Chinese son. I can't do an Asian accent. I've got an Australian accent. Or any of them, really. Down under. That's it. Okay, anyway.
Down under. This girl just sat on a 60 Minutes and that's the footage of the 60 Minutes and she literally is like, you don't have brain cancer. She's like, at the time. Yeah, she goes, true or false? You have brain cancer. She goes, at the time. True or false? I can't. It was amazing. But she's such a magician. She's able to just kind of like fuck off all this negative. Nothing ever happened. She never got arrested. She never went to prison. Nothing. What's the problem here? What about-
If I said to you, if I said to you. We're not finishing the story. Okay. She created a health app and the app earned a lot of money from people who have cancer that wanted to take this health journey with her. And she said she was going to give like many of the proceeds to charity, which she never did. She never did. It's a brilliant money scamming. That's charity fraud. But we agree. It is a brilliant money scamming. Charity fraud. Beautiful name for a baby girl. What's up, Portland? We're charity fraud. No, I said not a band. I said for a baby girl.
Like, hey, I'm Charity. That's what a baby girl sounds like. Hey, welcome to Portland. I'm Charity Fraud. No, no, no, no. Little girls don't sound like that. You started to do Ocean Avenue? I did. Brain cancer is such a heavy one to lie about. That's a heavy one. You could have said, leukemia is blood cancer. That one's an easier lie because people can live with it for a long time. Why brain? I'm going to tell you something though, Teeny Teeners. Go ahead for me, baby.
I think what she has is worse than brain cancer. Because if you're sick enough to lie about having brain cancer, you've got another kind of illness that's maybe even more serious than brain cancer. Sociopathy. Yeah. Yeah. Something like that. Did you ever put a bicycle playing card on the spokes of your bicycle? No. Did you ever see people do that in the neighborhood? Yeah. In Canada, they do that? Not really. I feel like that's for little boys in the 1940s.
No, we did it. You did it. I put a playing card in the spoken word bicycle for a little bit of fun. Was that you? Well, that's a girl. You're doing a girl. Do a guy. I can't. Oh, my God. I don't think. What accent are you trying to do? Nascat and dinosaur, huh? How could this happen to me? I made my mistakes. I don't know, Sam.
You'll be okay. You'll be in my heart. No matter what they say. Name what movie that's from. Let me guess. It's a contest. Sing it again. Okay, I'm going to sing the first verse. Okay. For one so small, you seem so strong. Okay, stop.
I'm going to say Little Mermaid. No. My arms defend you, keep you safe and warm. You know what? Moana. No. Fuck. Getting closer though. I know. Moana too. Pocahontas. And you'll
Is that Pocahontas? No. You don't know Pocahontas? You don't know either. Let's see who gets it. I've never heard the song before, but I'm going to try. It's a more modern anime. Is it animated or cartoon? It's Jungle Book. Animated or cartoon? I know what it is. Lion King. I know because I know the movie. Lion King? It's so funny because I remember the song. But you can't say it? Lion King? It's not. Fuck. Tarzan. Tarzan. Tarzan.
What is it? It's Tarzan. Tarzan. No, there's a fucking movie called Tarzan. Yes, there is. Yes, there was right there. You'll be in my heart. Yeah, and Phil Collins did the song for it. Wow. Pretty iconic. Give me another Disney song and I want to see if I can guess it. Okay, you want me to do kind of a hard one?
No go basic obviously we don't know what the fuck you're doing Well Santino's knew it Yeah I did know that So I'll do middle ground So it's still like an interesting competition How about this one This one longing to be thinner This one wants to get the girl Do I help them Poor unfortunate soul Can I guess Of course you can guess Bobby that's the name of the game my love No
That's Little Mermaid. Yeah, that's Little Mermaid. Oh, wow. You're so good at it. He knows his redheads. Yeah. Wink. No. Black person now. Black person now? Oh, I guess that's right. They changed it. Yeah, and we threw a hole. I didn't see that. We were at the committee when we were pushing for the black. Person. You know what I mean? We want to be inclusive. That's great. There's a stereotype that black people can't swim. That's crazy. Are there? No.
Are there? Because this disproves that. Look at that. Barack Obama swimming as a kid. I love it. Where's Michelle? They didn't meet then. How long have they been together? Did you guys hear that Jennifer Aniston and Barack Obama? I heard they're hooking up. I don't know if they're dating. Aw, but dating has to happen first. No, sometimes you just get to hook up. Wait, Michelle and Barack are no longer together? I don't know. I just heard a rumor. There's a rumor on the internet. But I think if you're going to hook up with someone, you have to go on a date with them. Because otherwise, how are you supposed to kiss if you don't have spaghetti first?
Oh, is that the king thing? What's a way you guys try to do a first kiss that makes it kind of fun? I tried it yesterday. Okay. And it didn't work. What was it? She was wearing a beanie. Okay. She was wearing a toque. Yep. And I covered her eyes. And then I went in for a kiss. Wait, wait, Bobby, I'm so sorry. You were on a date with a woman who was wearing a beanie. You were in her bed.
We're watching Law and Order or something. She wasn't. She had a toque pulled over her eyes. Yeah. And then I just put the toque over her and I went in and I kissed her on the lips there. That's cute. That's kind of cute. But that wasn't a first kiss, was it? It was. Oh. And she said, don't ever do that again. No, she didn't say that. Oh. Yeah. That's pretty cute. I didn't know how to. Sometimes you go. Here's the thing with women. I'm going to say something. There are signs you have to give up. Listen up, women. Listen up. I'm listening. Right. Right.
Here are the signs I need to see. Yeah. When you're at a date, you have to be playing with your hair. You have to. They have to be. Not me. Yeah, yeah. At a restaurant? You have long hair. You can play with your hair. I know, but I've seen them do it. It's a sign. It's a sign of what? Respect. That they like you and they want to be there.
Here's another thing. If you get close to them, if you move away, that's not good. But if I move closer than like we're on a bench or something, we're bowling or whatever. Right. And they don't move. That's a good sign. The third one I look for is not. Sign, sign, sign, sign. Right. Another one is if you know, sometimes when we're talking, put your arm up. Right. So I'll go like if you say a funny joke as a girl.
Careful. Yeah, I was just going to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A funny joke as a girl. Yeah, we're having Thai food. Knock, knock. Well, who's there? Trump. Trump who? Donald Trump, the new president. And I do that.
You know what I mean? I do a little touchy-feely there. Uh-huh. But sometimes they do it back. If you say something, they'll touch you. That's a good sign. Oh, that's a good sign. I went on the left at that Trump joke, by the way. Why? That was one of her best jokes. I know, but it just didn't really hit well with me. Well, try it again. Okay. Knock, knock. Who's there? Trump. Trump who? Donald J. Trump. Okay. Yeah. I feel like you're not even getting the girl's joke. Yeah, I don't get it. Yeah. I would give her a quick tap like that with no laugh.
Maybe you could do it. Are you being serious? Okay, knock, knock. Does it have to be a knock, knock joke? Yes, it's a fucking knock. It's a joke from a girl. Knock, knock. Who's there? Instrument. Instrument who? Trumpet. I guess. Better than yours. You know what? Fuck it. I'm not taking any advice from you guys or playing this game with her. We're girls. Yeah. We're fucking girls.
I know you are. Well. But I just don't think you're taking it, handling it seriously. Well, this is why you're not going to get a second date. Yeah, we're here to help you. Yeah. Don't you think that those are good signs, though? You want her to be. I think the hair one is the only one that, I mean. The hair thing is insane. Yeah, the hair one. Not every girl is going to fucking twirl their hair. Yeah, but when they do, it's a good sign. I'll show you when it's a bad sign. Okay? Okay. I'm on a date with you, okay? Okay, how about this? Okay, we're in a conversation. First date. Yeah. Right? So it's just like, Jesus Christ.
Sorry, what were you saying? I was just playing with my hair. Hi, can you and your date please step outside and eat on the patio? We've had some complaints from some of the people. Oh, that's weird. Okay, I guess we got to move to the patio, babe. Can I be serious? I'm just going to leave. I'll pay the bill. Babe, wait. I was just playing with my hair to let you know that I love you. It's weird. Why? Yeah, yeah. Hello. Yeah.
Okay, yes. That would be good. You think that would be good or bad? Good. That's a good sign. Yeah, that's a good sign. If a girl does that specifically, that's a good sign. Yeah. I mean, that seems like she's engaging. She's interested. She's having fun. If you go to the bathroom, she can keep herself occupied. I think I'm reading it wrong. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, read it right. Yeah, I'll read it right. Yeah.
I think if they touch their hair like that, that means like, hey. But they're doing a full conversation. Okay. No, no. That shows that she has an imagination. Exactly. Yeah. She can occupy herself. She doesn't fucking need you. She don't need Amanda McBain.
Maybe it's more like, you know what I mean? Where were you, Johnny? Oh, yeah. Right? That's better. Yeah. Where were you, Johnny? Mom, it's only 8 p.m. I called the police and put you on a milk carton. Fuck you, Mom. Whoa. Yeah. What's his problem? I don't know what Johnny's problem is. But I like something like that. Yeah. That went wrong. I don't want that.
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And I took a bus to West Hollywood to meet her at a Mexican restaurant that was on Santa Monica in the middle of West Hollywood. And, uh, isn't you what they say? Yeah, it is big. Black girls have bigger boobs. What?
Is it true? Yeah. What they say? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blind girls. Bigger boobs. I have bigger boobs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My man. My dog. My dog, yeah, yeah, yeah. Knock, knock. Who's there? Instrument. Instrument who? Violin. See? That's really good. Now I'm fucking with you. I'm keeping you on your toes. Yeah. That's pretty good. So you took a bus to your date at a Mexican restaurant. It was a blind date. Would you date a girl that has a big vag?
Would I? Yeah. How would you know? Well, you'd know. Because you have to date first before you see it. You'd know. You'd know. Let me tell you something. Big hands. When you come walking up, we can hear it. Big pleats. Swish, swish. Big head. Splish, splash. I'm taking a bath. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Have I dated a girl with a big vagina? Yeah, yeah. No, I don't think so. Okay. I don't think so. And I can't say the same. But every vagina must feel like a big vagina to you. To me? You say that to me? Well, I was, I guess to both of you, sure.
That's a small penis thing? Could be. What do you mean it could be? Let me ask you something. I'm not a fucking doctor. I don't work at an animal hospital. Make an assumption. Who has a bigger penis between me and Andrew? I can't. Yeah, you can. I can't even engage in that. Okay, okay. See? Yeah. Let her down this road. Finish your story. You went on a date. I took a bus to a Mexican restaurant. Oh, I took a bus to a Mexican restaurant to meet this girl. I get out of the bus and she's on the bar dancing. And she's wearing like a tiny little skirt. And she had the biggest fucking vagina I've ever seen.
In my entire life. Right. So I married her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Knock, knock. Who's there? Instrument. Instrumental. Instrumental in this conversation. Have a good night. I love that. Thank you. That's insane. Pretty good. Yeah. Anyway, I don't think your wife has a big vag. No, dude. What? Yes, she does. Yeah, okay. I didn't know. Come on. Anyway.
Sorry, it's uncomfortable for you, this line of questioning? No, I'm happy. I'm sure you have a small one. And let's move on. It was in my vows. No, I don't. All right. Till depths do us part. What?
What are some red flags? I know you're married, but if you were dating a guy, what would be some red flags? Ooh. If I said to you, you know, Lisa, you know, Lisa, you know, I'm just trying to start this comedy. Red flag already. Yeah. Why? This kind of, this jo-peshy of it all. I do see that. Yeah, I'm from fucking Brooklyn. What the fuck? You're like, hey, any chance you're going to leave your eight-year-old son home alone this weekend?
I don't have a fucking EO thumb, man. I have my mom. I live with my mom. Yeah. Is that a red flag? Sure. Okay. What are your red flags? Unless your mom is Meryl Streep.
Then it's a green flag. Oh, that's cool. That's really cool. Yeah, give me a red flag and I'll tell you how it could be a green flag. That's really fun. This will be helpful to all of your female listeners. Okay, so can I still be this guy? Sure, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what, I'll be honest with you. I like pineapple on my pizza. You what? Pineapple on my pizza. Oh, you like pineapple on your pizza. That's what I fucking said. I'm from Brooklyn. That's a green flag already to me. Okay, good.
What about you? You don't really like pineapple on your pizza. I do. I actually think it gives it like a zesty kind of taste that otherwise I wouldn't have. That's your idea of zest? I just love the sweet and sour kind of like savory and sweet. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where the fuck are you from?
Darling, we've got to get off this bus. It's dangerous. Yo, don't. Hey, guy. Hey, guy, where the fuck are you from with that fucking silly way you're talking? New York is terrifying. You don't need money, love. Sorry, sir. We don't... Whoa, whoa, what's going on? You pay to get on the fucking bus. What are you guys fucking... We'd like to get off the bus, please. Yeah, it'll stop. This bus driver's really aggressive. Darling, haven't you got
50p to give him. Got nothing on me. Yeah. Sorry. Go away. Go away. Go away. I like jalapenos and pineapple on my fucking pizza, man. By the way, this is what it's like taking the bus. Yeah. That's exactly what it's like. Every day you might, you're just going to get yelled at and assaulted. Yeah. Okay. But what really happened? You took the bus to the restaurant. What happened? I don't remember. You said you went on a blind date to a Mexican restaurant. You took a bus. Come on. Beautiful mind. Peace together. You remember.
What the fuck you doing, sir? Dad? Yeah, son?
Hey, Dad. Hey, son. What's up? Where have you been? I've been on the bus all day long, man. Talking to fucking women, man. Still driving the bus, huh? Yeah, I'm driving it. I'm talking to ladies. You know, talking about my fucking pineapples on my pizzas. I have a good fucking angle in, man. Miss you, Pop. I miss you too, son. What happened to you? You die? Andrew, Andrew. Yeah. Where'd you go? I asked you about the date and you just like got really quiet and you like looked into the distance. What do you mean? I've been... You were just staring there. Oh, okay.
I need to take a minute. It's really rude. I need to take a minute for a second. So he experienced trauma and sometimes he goes in these takes. You know, he zones out. You don't have to call it out. Okay, sorry. I just didn't know. It's a little rude, you know. I could call you out about some things, but I wouldn't ever do it. I wasn't malicious intent at all. I was just trying to make sure that he was okay. Okay. You okay now?
Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So do you want to tell us about the big date that you want to talk about? Oh, here we go. She's not getting it. Oh, the big date I ate? Yeah, yeah. Oh my God. Sweet as ever? Bacon wrapped. No way. Double fried. Chocolate dipped? Double dipped. Peanut butter stuffed? PBS. Deep fried and everything? Deep double fried on a ding dong scanty deck. Sliced in half and filled to the brim? Yeah.
Pitless and shitless. Yummy dummy ding dong. I love bacon wrapped around dates. Bacon wrapped dates are probably one of my favorite. I like a sweet date. I like peanut butter chocolate date. Well, that's pretty good too. Very good. Touche. Delicious. All right. How about most unattractive looking food that you find absolutely delicious? Unattractive. It looks ugly, but it's quite good. Beef stroganoff.
Beef, that does look gross and taste good. Yeah. With what? With pineapples. Pineapples. Obviously. Ugliest food that tastes good. I guess mussels. Ooh, you're right. Mm-hmm. Yeah. They look like little vagas. They look like something's going on. Yeah. Lobster in general.
Lobsters always look so good. I've had... I don't like when they cut it open on the... They half it on the... No, I don't want to... I don't like how... I don't like that. I don't need that. I was violently sick because of muscles. Yeah, I don't... Oh, same. San Francisco. Yeah, it was... I got four days. Yeah, San Diego. It almost killed me.
It's bad. When they go bad, it goes bad. Well, don't they say like muscles, right? Isn't it something like muscles have super high, what's the level that makes people, the thing that makes people really sick in there? Listeria? Yeah, that's right, right? That's the thing that was in eggs and shit. Yeah, it's in a lot of things. When's the last time you had diarrhea, Lisa? Oh, boy. Yeah, yeah.
Okay, there it is. Paralytic shellfish poisoning. PSP. Oh, God. Yeah. And this is like super common. People get it all the time. Wait, you can get PSP from muscles? PSP too. Oh, and that's when you can like hear the thoughts of dead people and stuff? Purple. I do want to ask you a real serious question if we can be serious for two seconds. Okay. Is there a Lisa Gilroy show in the works? There's a rumor.
That you have a show. Fuck off. I'm dead serious. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard that too. I'm being 100% serious. I heard that too. No way. Shut up. Be real. So you're being honest. I just said be serious for two seconds. Yeah, yeah. Are you being honest right now, Gilroy? Is there a show being developed, at least a Gilroy show? Well. It may not be called. Did you sell a show? No. So you're not a part of any company, any production company developing anything for you? No.
No, but I know a few production companies would be pretty mad to hear me say that. Hey, I don't have a girlfriend, but I know a few girls would be mad to hear me say that. We got it on the first time. Like I was saying, because I think Mitch Hedberg had said something kind of like a joke like that that I... We got it on the first time. You don't need to do his joke. I don't have a husband, but I know a guy that'd be pretty mad if he heard me say that. So you are doing a show. Yeah.
You are. Well, I'm developing stuff. I'm always developing stuff. Nah, but there's something else that you're just being coy about it. I don't like when you're being coy. We've got stuff too. Hey, we got stuff too. You know? We actually don't. You guys have your animated show. We have an animated show and a game show and other things. Oh no, we washed those away. They're both gone. You were making a game show?
That's fun. Stop it. You can be on it. Is that true? What would it be like? We are making a game show. We did a pilot. Can we talk about that or no? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stamos and... John Stamos and Meghan Trainor. Meghan Trainor did it. That's our first two guests. Oh, so it's only like one person competing against one person? They go head to head. Bobby and I are hosting the show and it's... So we would match you with somebody equivalent level. Of what?
To be on our game show. Fame, stardom, hip, hip, hip coolness. So let me think of somebody that we could patch her up with. I can't. Dax Flame? Quinta Brunson. Quinta Brunson, yeah, yeah, yeah. You and Quinta Brunson. What's wrong with that? You guys are being mean to me. What the, what the, what the, what the? What the fuck are you saying? She's so famous. You know what, dude? You have to pair me up with like- You're Lisa Gilroy. The mail carrier. What, an oil dad? Yeah. Yeah.
Lisa, you were... If you've won for regular folks, I can be on it. Shut up. That's so annoying. Fuck you, dude. You're a star. What's the premise of the show? I'm going to fart in the mic. Thank you. Everyone, shut up. Your fans are going to love this. That...
Now that was ass cat. Now that was ass cat. South by Southwest. Mike farts. Okay, now Santino and I are going to have a competition. Up dog. You can best replicate that. And Bobby, you can judge. That was an up dog. You get to be the little king, okay? Can I get through the smell though? It was actually pungent. Well, it's your fault. I know. I fucked it up. Okay, now listen to Santino to replicate it and then listen to me. You go first. You're the guest. What are we doing to explain it to me? We're replicating your fart. Yeah. The best what? The best version of your fart. Oh, good. Thank you.
Okay, listen, yeah, close your eyes. Yeah, and actually, you shouldn't even know who's going first. Oh, God, sorry, no. Yeah, perfect. What did you like better, one or two? It was so good. It's like a different interpretation of actually the thing. It's art. It is art. Yeah, it's all subjective. Yeah, I feel like I know what the order was. What was the order? You first, you second. No. Because weirdly, you...
little vocal on you. You put your voice in. Yours was like... Yours sounded organically farting. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. She's better at this. I don't know how you managed to put your own voice into a fart. Well, that was the talent. If you were on a date and a guy did that, is it a red flag? I'm going to put my own voice into a fart now. Yeah, yeah. Pretty good. But would that be a red flag for you? If a guy farted into a microphone? No, no, just in general. Yeah, like, yeah.
No. Okay, thank you. Has your husband ever farted? Wait, before he was your husband, you were dating, you farted on a date, were you chill about it? I don't think there was ever any farting on dates, really. Does he fart in front of you now? Because I think, yeah, of course. Does he trap the farts? Do you fart in front of him? Of course. I think it's criminally insane if people don't fart in front of their partners. Interesting. Is that you guys? I never do. Me and Bob have never farted in front of each other. Never. That was the first time.
And then I didn't even get cut out. It was so disgusting. But do you, I know you're farting in front of girlfriends past, right? I mean. That's why there's a ghost of girlfriends past. You know when a ghost of girlfriends past comes to show you how you spent Christmas and wants to teach you a lesson. Jacob, it's because of your gas your girlfriends are gone. Spirit, no. Spirit. Don't they always say spirit? Spirit. Spirit. Spirit. I'll only fart in front of an ex-girlfriend if they do a blood queef.
Oh, Bobby. Whoa. You didn't have to do that, Bobby. Hello? No, don't do that, Bobby. That's crazy. That's kind of like a blood oath, but different. Santiners, are you farting in front of your bride? Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Farts are chill. Farts are chill. Farts are actually, there is a study, look this up, there's a study that finds that couples who fart in front of each other have a healthier love and longer lasting relationships. Look at that. Couples who fart together, farting in front of a partner indicates strong bond, sign of trust, honesty, and respect. Okay. All right, everybody get in here. We're making the new campaign for farting in front of your partner. One of the slogans that I came up with today was the more fart, the more heart. I'd love to hear from you guys. All right.
uh go ahead bob nagasaki never forget okay i'm writing that down that's awesome um another one i have is um to toot is cute to toot is cute yeah yeah yeah that's good santino anything over there uh let it go that's your hoe oh okay bang bang open your mouth right bobby i'm loving the stuff that you're coming thank you so much yeah thank you i'm a good you know i i would be a good um uh
an ad agency, I would be really good. Plop, plop, hope your heart doesn't stop. Right. Love ya. That's pretty good. Plop, plop, the love don't stop. Plop, plop, my love don't stop. Yeah. Dude, my wife is cute. Let's come up with a different thing about like, you know, instead of like, hey, can you pee on me? Come up with a different terminology for that. I just don't know what else I would say if I was not always saying, hey, can you pee on me? Yeah, yeah. I say that so much. Yeah. Can you water the...
Can you water the valley? Can you water my soil patch? Oh, like you're trying to find a way to say it in public so that you're like, hey, later when we get home. Yeah, can you water the hill? Right. Like my belly. Can you fill up my Brita? That's pretty good. What about poop? You can't come up with one? Too far. I don't like them. All right. I don't either. Fine. Have you ever been peed on? I'm not going to answer that. I'm not going to answer that. Looked at a board.
It says yes. Oh, is this your game show? It was accidental. Welcome back to the game show. It's called Look at the Board. Yeah. Broad, look at the board. Look at the board, Broad. First up, Chinese guy, blonde lady.
First question, out of the gate, welcome to my game show. Let's go look at the board. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you so much for having me. I'm from Minnesota, Indiana, Minnesota, and I'm a college engineer. I'm Lisa Gilroy. I am a dental hygienist, and I'm from Toronto, Ontario. I didn't say my name. Toot Manangani. Thanks, Toot Manangani. Thanks, Lisa Gilroy. Thank you for being here on my show. Nice to meet you, Lisa Gilroy. Hands on behind you, one hand behind your back, one hand on the buzzer. Get ready to buzz in. All right.
In 1947, the inflation rate had adjusted from the previous year from 2%, 3.5%, true or false? Ding. Ding. True. Lisa, true. False. Look at the board. Ding. True.
Lisa wins. You're a good one, Lisa. I would have got that wrong. Lisa wins a brand new car. All right. I would like to double roll and big guess them. Double roll, big guess them. Oh, shit. Okay. I'm sorry for swearing. Yeah, yeah. Listen up, 2D. Here we go. Nutakani. Nutakani. Thank you. Is a popular dessert in which country? Bing. Bing, Lisa. I was first. Bing, Lisa. Thailand. Look at the board. Eh.
Toot to Connie. Yeah. It's from my mom's house. Look at the boat. Bing, bing, bing. Yay. I'd like to double or nothing my P-Stack. You really want to double or nothing my P-Stack? I think at this point, Andrew, it's all or nothing. Fill up that Brita. P-Stack. Here we go. Hands on the buzzer. Hand behind the back. Toot to Goody and Lisa. This is for the final up. Double up the P-Stack. Jerry Seinfeld.
Came into... Bing! Oh, Lisa! What's the deal? Look at the boat! Yay! Oh my god! Oh my god! Sorry, Toot. I just don't know how she would come up with that, so we put... She won, you lost. Now, loser's statement. Look at the camera, loser's statement. Go ahead when you're ready. Loser's statement from Toot Dugani. What does that mean? Look at the camera, loser's statement. It's time for the loser's statement. Permission to boo? Oh. Permission to boo granted. Boo! Love it. Boo! Love it again. Fuck you! Oh, she's going for a fuck you double down. Thank you.
I lost, and I was relying on the money to save my family's business, and there's going to be a triple suicide tonight at the new Duganangani's house. Well, that's it for us tonight at Look at the Board. We want to thank Lisa Gill for being a part of here and Lou Dugani. In fact, in fact. Uh-oh. Boo!
Way to go, Toot. What a great newt, dude. If you ever repeat that again, I'm going to get... What? Slow down. No, fuck you, dude. Took you, dude. Dude, you can slow down. Really good game show. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. It had nothing to do with pee, though. Not everything does. That's true. Not everything. My grandfather used to say that. Not everything. Everything involves pee.
And I go, what are you saying that for me? You know. What a great part, like imparting that kind of wisdom. What was that phrase your grandpa used to say to you? I was trying to think of something genuine. But you were so young too. Do you really remember? I mean, he was so young when he was alive. My grandpa? Yeah. Yeah, I guess he used to say, weasels are for tits and hoes are for bitches. Love. That's iconic. Yeah, that's really good. What did my grandpa, one of his favorite phrases? Yeah.
Wow, that's great. Yeah. But now do it with his teeth in. Oh, yeah. I love you so much. You're my favorite grandchild. Wow. Can I do it with a toothless and not toothless? Please. All right. And what did he say? Put the teeth back on.
"Don't touch me there ever again." - Oh wow. - Wait, we had those dentures that make you speak English? - My grandfather was bilingual.
He's a highly educated person. I come from a line of educated people. I don't doubt that. Why did his dentures make him switch languages? That was what I was asking. And that's the thing. We're going after bilinguals, bisexuals. If you're bi, bye-bye. I did everything right and they indicted me. Yeah, okay. That's a very good impression. Thanks. Because if I said it in Korean, the joke wouldn't be there. Let's hear it.
- I don't know if I can say it. - Say it! - Yeah. - That was good. - Yeah? - Yeah, it worked. - Yeah. I just said penis don't touch. - Penis don't touch! - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - What's penis? - Gochu. - No, genuinely, what's penis? - Gochu. - Gochu. - No, like what's the word mean? - Gochu. - What do you mean, what does the word mean? - Penis. - It's a male genitalia. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - Whoa. - This is a kid show. - Okay.
I'll tell you some other Korean nasty words if you want to know. Banggu. Banggu, banggu. What's banggu? You know. Banggu's, wait. Banggu. Fart, no. Yes. Yeah, fart. Oh, that's okay. Very good. Banggu. Boji. Boji, yeah. What's boji? You know what boji is? Blowjob? No. You know what it is? Ooh, boat. Boji's. I can put it in a sentence. Yeah, butthole. My boji's back and you're gonna get in trouble. No. Hey now.
now my bogey's back that girl from Texas had a big bogey it's a vagina yeah yeah yeah just keep putting you know yeah it was butthole butthole was what gondengi gondengi yeah I love gondengi yeah have you ever had that with kimchi it's very good gondengi it tastes like calamari you wouldn't even notice dude have you been to a good Korean barbecue spot yeah which one which one castle barbecue mm
I used to live right by there. It's not good. I like it. Chosun. Chosun is the best. Sukbul Jeep or Park. Park is also good. Yeah, yeah. Okay, sorry. We gotta take you. Okay. Yeah, and your husband. Wait, why'd you do this face? Oh, does he have a disability? I thought he did. Is that why you did that face? No, he's nice. You never met him, Bobby. I know, but I've seen him online. I never met him. Oh. But we'll bib him if he needs to be bibbed. Every time I say husband, I make that face. Oh, okay. You hate husbands. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, if mother's against drunk driving, Bobby's against good husbands. Koreans against husbands. Yeah. Anyway, jut is breast. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, don't tell us what it means. Just use it in a sentence where all the other words are English. All right. All right. Man, I bought my house 20 years ago, man, but it went down in price because of the gum dungies. Oh, boy.
The what? I'm afraid to say it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So don't say it. I'm going to say it. I'm going to guess it's the mortgage rates. It means mortgage rates. Yes, yes, yes. What are you going to guess?
I think it's unfortunately referring to little people. Yeah. Oh, really? Wait, why would that have any effect on the housing market? Well, because these houses, you know, there are so many of them in one house. There's like 50 of them in there. I ate these mussels the other day and made my donkhamuk burn. Wait, is this a new word? Yeah, donkhamuk. Tip of penis. No. Butthole. Butthole. Oh.
So, Gunting is the cheek part. Yeah. Yeah. Don't go, Mok is the hole. Everybody knows it. Google Lisa Gilroy for us right there. Don't do that. Let's find out the best pic. Let's see the best photo she's got on the internet. No, don't do that. Yeah, I want to see the first one. Literally don't. She's vulnerable. She's vulnerable. She's vulnerable. Wait, what's Mad TV? Oh, that's so funny. Lisa Gilroy. What did you... Time out. Hold on. Did you Google Lisa Gilroy hot? Stop. I guess if you write hot after, sometimes it'll be like cleavage shot. Oh, okay.
That's fucking gross. That's gross. Go to the first one. Let's rate the first one. Look what I'm doing. Okay. Rating it. Okay, what's going on here? I'll press it.
Do it. I'll press it. Do it. My dad works for them. I'm sure he does, fucking son of a pig. You're being, what do you say? You're contemplating something. Right? Can we ask? Stop this. I'm over it. Watch this. That's what this is like. I'm over it. I'm unaffected. Click this. Click the next one. Keep going through them. Ready? Stop this. Start with the first one and then click close after I say the word. Ready? Over the first one. This is Nightmare on Elm Street. Ready? Yeah. And farted.
Farted. Farted. Yeah, yeah. Farted. Farted. Yeah. Thought about farting. Yeah. Farted. Okay, that's enough. Definitely farted. Yeah. Didn't fart. Didn't fart. That's a cute one right there. That's a great photo. That's very cute. Oh, farted. Oh, yeah. Farting on the street. Yeah, yeah. I'm in Mexico City. I'm bicultural. Farting on the street. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Too much. Let's go to the last photo. Oh, by the way, you were great in jury duty. Thank you. Wow. Yeah. You know who's the, I just did a show, a TV show with the judge. You know who the judge is, right? Alan Bernholz. That's right. Ike Bernholz's dad. Yeah. Oh, whoa. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Nepotism. What's this here? A little nepotism there. A little nepo, baby. You have little legs, it looks like. That was a shoot for a magazine.
What magazine? It was like a- Bedfartgirl? Yeah, bedfartgirl.com. Have you ever been in a magazine? I'm sure you're a subscriber. I am, actually. Monthly. Have you ever been in a magazine? Have I ever been in a magazine? Who the fuck is going to put me in a magazine? Exactly. Me either. I feel the same way, but they put this piece of shit on? What do you mean? She's cool and smart and funny. Oh, that's right. My bad. She's got all the jazz, dude. Look at her. Oh.
Oh my God. If someone takes weird pictures of you, they'll put them in a magazine. That's how it works. No, no, no. That's so cute. That's not why you're in a magazine. Bobby, stand up right now and flash me your tits and I'll take a picture and I guarantee you that same magazine will buy it. Go on. What magazine is that? 1883. I don't know what that is. That's from 1883? Okay, hold. Oh, oh, oh. Hold on, let me put it in portrait mode. That'll make it good. Okay, perfect. Thank you. Okay, Santino, do you want anything to submit to the magazine? Yeah. If I don't get in a magazine, we're done. Okay.
Yep. Just a little cheese? Yeah. Oh, it's a weird... Okay. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. Google Bobby Lee in a magazine. Yeah, I'm not a fucking magazine. Bobby Lee magazine. Wait, it was already Googled so much. Magazine.
Bobby, is that your computer back there? Nope. Oh, you're on the observer. That's you. They put any Asian person and that's what comes up. Give me the second photo. Yeah, not me. Third photo. That's a great show. Oh, the fourth one is me. I was on a magazine. Wait. Yeah. What is that? That's Korean. Korean. Bobby Lee gets HIV wish. Is that what that says? Yeah. His wish. Oh, it couldn't see because it was covered by your bracelet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Who would wish for that? And the girls at the very far left in that photo I worked with after that. Oh, worked with? Pervert? What does that even mean? I did these Korean dramas on MADtv. What's MADtv? It's a little sketch show that was on for a little bit. I've never heard of it. Okay. Well, that's nice of you guys to run magazines. Oh, there's Bitcoin Bobby. I'm just kidding, Bobby. Bobby, Bobby, look at me. Bobby. I'm not going to look at you because I really hate you. No, you're not. Yes, I am. What's the third, fourth, what's that one right there? Not that one.
That one. What is that? Probably the band. The band, Bobby Lee. Yeah, yeah. Go to that one where I'm holding the... Uriah picture? Yeah. That's fun. Okay. Anyway, Jen Rosenstein. Andrew Santino magazine. Let's go. I'm not in a fucking magazine. I've told you that. I've never done a magazine. That's my phase. Okay. There's no... I'm not in a fucking magazine. I've seen anything for Andrew here. That's right. Wow. Oh, yes, I was. Where? Yes, I was. Down...
To the left where I'm in the golf cart. I was in a magazine. Oh, that's nice. Golf Digest. Yeah, Digest Golf. That's cool. Yeah, you're in a magazine too. You lied. I forgot that I did that. Yeah, I forgot about the Korean M. I'm sorry. Okay, so I didn't lie. I forgot. You forgot too. Okay, we both forgot. I'm sorry. What does it say? That you have a celebrity group chat. Do you? About Bobby. Who's in it? Dude, name someone and I'll tell you if they're in it. Ready? Jim Carrey. Yep.
Lisa. He's not. Go on. Lisa. You think there's big famous people that I'll guess though? Yeah. Really? Oh, yeah. Quentin Tarantino. Nailed it. Lisa, can I be honest with you? Yes, please, Bobby. I want to be real with you. Yeah. We're going to start a fight between us. Okay. Okay? His group and his demographic of people that he hangs out with is...
Is star studded. Oh, okay. And I don't have anybody. They all have studs on their jackets. Little stud stars. I mean, I can name some names, but the places he goes with the people that he goes to. How come he doesn't invite you, Bob? Look at this. Who's in the front row of a fucking basketball game? Celtics game. You know, the Menendez brothers did that. That's exactly right. Yeah. And they were on basketball cards. I know. I wish. Yeah. Anyway. So, Bobby. Yeah. How come you don't hang out with the star studded crew?
Maybe because I'm not a fucking star. God. You are a star. You fucking piece of shit, man. Hey. That was rude. That was bad. Am I bad? I'm trying to tell you you're a star, brother. Brother? Sister? Thank you. Hey, brother. Brother. Brother. Okay, now we got to end it. Now we really got to get out. I have to leave now. Literally. I got to go. I got to show. I literally have 740 hours. I literally got to do my set. I got to go.
I gotta go. You can't go. Thank you for being a bad friend. Say that in the thing. Thank you for being a bad friend. Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. Bobby, it stands for Catway. Catway. Catway. Wow. It stands for Catway. Not gonna do it. Yeah. Bobby. I don't understand it. Bobby, look at me. I don't understand this game. Bobby, look at me. Explain it to me. The improv. What Catway? I don't know, about six pounds? You guys! Is that a part of the show? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it smells like up dog in here. Bobby. What's up dogger?
Not much, you. See? I fell for it, dude. And I feel shame. Uh-oh, up dog.