Rudy & Her Sister Are Bullies
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You two are bad! Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Well, you two are something. We're bad friends. Look who's here. I know, she lives in my house.

Does she really? We clean. No, you don't. Yes, we do. So I give her $100, right? Yeah. I go, just do this. $100. Just do this little small laundry. Yeah. Stays in there for 24 hours in the dryer. Oh, my God. Right? And then I go, you're not going to fold it? She goes, I folded it right away. I said something. For $100, what do you have to do in the Philippines to make that? Yeah, what do you have to do in the Philippines for $100? $100.

- That's a lot. - Well, you have to be the fastest tree climber in the neighborhood. - Yeah, yeah. - What's, as a hundred American dollars, how many? - That's 5,000 pesos. - What can you get for 5,000 pesos in the Philippines? - A lot. - Buy a whole village. - Yeah, I know, property, everything. - What can you really buy? Seriously, like what does 5,000 pesos get you? - An iPhone? - Instead of pesos, like it's fucking, oh. - iPhone is more expensive. - Yeah, it's like a hundred thousand. - Are your iPhones made out of coconut shells? - Yeah.

Like how do they get all those components in there? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's breaking off. Yeah. Okay. Wow. But remember you can buy a lot of clothes. Yeah. Shoes. Shoes. But you'd have to work how long to get $5,000 do you think? I think... Two days. No. More. More. Yeah. Like a week. Oh my God. So one hour laundry. Yeah.

This is the average daily pay in the Philippines varies by region, but the minimum wage for non-agricultural workers in Metro Manila is 645 pesos. And he gave you 5,000 pesos. Yeah.

And so when I say do the laundry, does it mean just leave it in the dryer? I just, I want to understand your, the language. You know what I mean? If I'm going being direct, I don't know. Do I have to be specific? Yeah, because you were like, oh, can you do the laundry? I thought you just meant just put it in the laundry. That's only one half of the laundry. I know. That's just one half. The hard part is folding it. Right, right. That's the one half.

What am I paying you for? What? I had fun folding it. You like folding? I like folding. Yeah, yeah. But I had to ask you the next day. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. The average monthly salary for a housekeeper, what you're asking her to do in the Philippines, is around 14,000 pesos. So you got one third of a month pay in one day. Yeah.

I got to tell you, this is... It's too much. I think I'm paying too much. You are. Yeah. Why don't you pay them in pesos? Can you do that? Yeah. Mexican pesos. Yeah, that's right. Is it the same thing? No. No.

If I got pesos in Mexico, can I spend it in the Philippines? They'd take anything down there, I'm sure. Yeah, yeah. Let's introduce. Introduce our guests now that we've just berated them for five minutes. We got Jules. We have the old school Rudy Jules is back. You know what I mean? And then we have her little sister, Isa. Isa, Isa. Isa, Izzy. Izzy, how old are you now? I'm 17. Wow. Mm-hmm.

That's Rudy when we started. We started when Rudy was 17. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you were a little nervous before. Are you nervous now? No, I'm okay now. Because you know us. You know us now. No. You don't know him. I've met him like four times. That's enough times. I know, but are you still... Be honest with me because he's a lot. Are you scared of him? Are you scared of Andrew a little bit? No. Yeah. Why won't you lock eyes with Andrew? Lock eyes with him. Okay.

She's not. I know. Dude, but the way you lock eyes, look eyes with me. See, I have to turn it on. You're like a dog. Yeah, yeah. My asshole trembles, dude. It does. And it goes, you know what I mean? The inside of my butthole comes out a little bit. It's my body going, no. What? You know what I mean? The hat a little bit high.

Uh-oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude. Do what you do, dude. Do what you do, dude. Yeah, exactly. Do what you do, dude. That was out of pocket, bro. Yeah, yeah. Dude, I gave him this gift and he's talking to me? Give me the shirt back. Now. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

I'm protecting the equipment. Take it off! Take it off! Asshole! Oh my god! I feel better now. Illegal. Woo!

That's a warning! That's a warning, dude. God, dude. He ruins the show! You ruin it, dude. You put us in bad moods, bro. Why do you do that? Yeah, you put us against a wall. We have to fight our way out. You ruined it. But you know what you guys are right now? What? You guys are Simon and Theodore. Who's that? Alvin and the Chipmunks! Oh my gosh! Alvin and Theodore! Alvin and Theodore. That's what we are? Yeah, that's us. Are they the bullies?

Are they that bully? Back up, dude. Keep it up. Keep it up, dude. We bought you gifts. Yeah, yeah. By the way, you know what he texted me? Because we have to do, I have to do a read for my show. And I said, okay, we can do it after or we can do it before bed. And he's like, come to the studio at six. And then I hit him and I said,

I can't make it at six. I'm meeting up with you. And then he says in the text, he goes, I'm already here, but fine. I almost got up. No, stop, stop. I almost got up. I almost got up. Oh, my God. Fine. Fine. Dude, he's gotten so... Carlos, say it, though. He's gotten way too much lately, and it's going to his head. I can tell. Is the stars on your face a fashion statement? Yeah. Okay. Okay.

It is for pimples, right? Yeah. You don't look like you have any pimples. Are there pimples under there or is this to look cool? Yeah, there are pimples under there. This has got to be a thing to look cool now too. Yeah, you wear them sometimes. I wear them when they're bad, under the skinnies. Dude, I had a deep one when you knew it was going to be a fucking volcano. Yeah. It was Pompeii, bro. Did it explode? No, but for five days, I just kept putting those fucking stickers on. All right, Izzy, what's been going on with you in your life?

It's been fine. My school just ended like two months ago. So what are you doing now? Now it's summer for you. Like before I went here, I was doing nothing. What are you going to do here while you're in L.A.? Not do laundry. Sounds like not. Yeah. We're just having fun. We've been going out like almost every single day. Where are you going? When you go out, what is going on? Oh, can I say something? The other day, the other day I go, you guys are going to go do something. And I go, and they go, no. Why don't you take them?

Because he was making it awkward. I said, oh, we're going to get coffee. And then he started smiling. He likes coffee. Say coffee to me. Hey, do you want to get coffee? Oh, let's go. Oh, my God. How fun. Automatic reaction. He's excited. I love coffee. I told him you can come.

But then he was like, he started laughing and making it weird. No, no. And I was like, maybe don't go then. You made it weird. No, no, you made it weird. No, because when we were there, you weren't even there. We were waiting for you. We were like, where's the Tobabi? I told you I wasn't going to go because of the reaction of you guys. No.

No. And then you said you would go and then you said that if I see you, I won't even talk to you. Yeah, but that's normal. That's normal. It's called a joke. Yeah, he's just joking around. I'm just joking around, dude. The fact that you wouldn't bring Tito Bobby for coffee kind of breaks my heart a little bit. It breaks my heart. It makes me think that your Jules is a little too, her head's gotten a little too big. Above it, above it.

Yeah, she's above it. Yeah, yeah. She's, yeah. You graduated. And she's getting like that too now. She's going to start soaking up that. Oh, she's going to be the worst. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. See, look at that. Yeah. I can already tell. Your attitude, even as a kid, you were fucking too much attitude. Yeah, yeah.

You went through your phases, remember you went through your emo phase? Oh my god, I talk about that every single time. Yeah, I'm gonna dye my hair and be all sad and cut myself. What color did you dye your hair? I dyed my hair pink. That's not that bad. Is that you? There you are. Yeah, that's me. Is that you? No. But they all look the same. Every emo kid looks exactly the same. What phase are you in now?

I don't know. Uh-huh. Chill. You chill? I'm chill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know a new word. I know a new word. I want to learn about what the kids are saying. She's skibbity. Oh, you're so skibbity. Skibbity. Skibbity do the skibbity day. Why, oh, why, wonder, wonder, skib. Very good. I don't know.

Skibbity slang for her YouTube videos. A filler word like cool, bad, or dumb. So it means everything in dumb. All right, let me see if I can use it in a sentence. Yeah. Yo, man, did you poo poo on your face? This? Yeah. No, no, this isn't poo. It's just a little bit of sunscreen. Oh, you're being skibbit. You have to say yes. You have to yes and it.

You don't know improv? You have to yes and the fucking thing, dude. Why do I have poo on my face in this bitch? It's a sketch improv scenario. You could ask me anything. Are you hungry? I would have said yes. You said I poop on my face. I was trying to make it foolish. Ask me again. Ask me again. God, man. Sorry, ask me again. Anyway. Do it again. Hey, man, you got... No, do the same thing again. You got chunky poo on your peanut poo on your face.

I do? Yeah. No, I don't. You're doing it again, dude. It's anti-comedy what you're doing. I'll do it. All right. All right.

Yo man, what a party. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You have poo on your face. Yeah, I do, man. You have skibbity poo all over your face. Yeah, I'm being skibbity. You're skibbitying right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sick, dog. I mean, we went all that way to get to there. I know. I just had to foil the bit. Okay. What does skibbity mean? I have never said that word. But do you know what it is? You've seen it on the internet. What's some terms? We want to learn terms. What do Filipino kids say?

You can say Bo-ang. Bo-ang. What does Bo-ang mean? No, it has to be harder. Bo-ang. Bo-ang. Bo-ang. Bo-ang. What does it mean now? Crazy. You're being Bo-ang right now. Bo. You climbed that tree too fast. You're being Bo-ang. Bo-ang.

You guys are using it right though. Exactly. Because we're smart. It's like somebody chokes you. Sounds like a chicken. Sounds like a nut disease. Yeah, I'm sorry sir, but you have... I go, really? On both? Anyway. Give us more terms. What are the Filipino kids saying right now? Like your age is. My age? Yeah.

Oh, let me guess what that means. Okay. Stinky feet. No, let me get. Oh, you're swimming in a bog. Poo on your face. No. You're swimming in a bog. Yeah. How come you, whenever I say a suggestion.

You bury me with fucking poo on the face. I'm sorry. What is going on with you today? That's our relationship. I know. All right, go. Yeah, yeah. I just threw it out that it wasn't good what I said, right? But I'm just guessing. What does it say the word again? Grandma, did you make some kaya thai? Oh, it's a good dish. Yeah. Oh, no. That's the thing. No, it sounds good. Really? Yeah. How come you're walking so slow? Oh, my kaya thai hurts.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's pretty good. What is it? Yeah. It means shit. Oh. Actually, we were close. Pretty close. You got gattai on your face. Yeah, I got gattai on my face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's more like, oh, shit. Like, oh, I just did something. Oh, I stepped on a nail. Oh, gattai. Yeah. Wow. Gattai. Oh. Gattai what? Gattai.

- Wait, wait, wait, what's that mean? What does that mean? - It's just an expression. - We're learning everything new. I like it. - Give us more. - Give us more. - Also, you like Sublime? I just noticed that. - Yeah. - You like them? - Uh-huh. - You know they're playing again. - Yeah. - His son is playing. - Yeah. - You don't know that.

No. She doesn't even know. Do you know the songs or? Yes. Okay. Give us one. I don't know. Century or something. Sing it. I don't know it. No. We don't know it. You have to tell us. We don't know. You have to say, I don't know anything about it. It was before my time. Way before my time. Yeah. I'm more into, you know what I mean? Bach. It doesn't look like it's before your time. You know, Bach and- No, you're not. You're Beethoven. Satie. Yeah. Debussy. Ludwig. Yeah, yeah. Go ahead. There's the lyrics. There it is. He brought them up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't practice Santeria. I ain't got no crystal ball. Well, I had a million dollars, but I'd spend it all. Jules, next line. Go.

If I could find that Hannah and that Sancho that she's found, well, I'd pop a cap in Sancho and I'd slap her down. Slap her down. What did Sancho do for you to put a cap in him? Well, let me tell you something. Sancho is her new lover. That's his ex's lover. I don't know the lyrics. Okay. Also, you know what bothered me about this song forever? What? Go up there.

He says, I don't practice Santeria. Santeria is basically, it's card reading, tarot reading. It's the same thing. I don't have a crystal ball. Okay. Got it. Well, I had a million dollars, right? But I'd spend it all. So he said he had it. Then he said if he did have it, he would spend it. Well, a Santeria is $600,000. Oh.

Right, yeah. And a crystal ball, a high-end one, $400,000. So a million dollars. That's a million. Yeah. Oh. That's what it is. That all adds up. Yeah, yeah. If you want high-end, when I get it, I get high-end. I get it from Gandalf. Yeah, this one right there. I get my crystal ball from Gandalf. No, you get your crystal ball from, uh, uh, huh? Oh, Andrika. Andrika. Yeah, Andrika. Because Andrika's the one who's getting through on the show. And at Santeria, I get it black market. Oh, you do? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. I'm getting everything on black. From a black person. I get it on the white market. You do? Yeah.

You play retail. I like the white market. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'd prefer the white market. Can you buy Santerias in Philippines? Yeah. Are there tarot readers in the Philippines? Paul?

Yeah, real ones. What do you mean real ones? We have real ones here? No, no. I think they have the legit ones. We have them too, dude. We have them on Ventura. There's like three of them. No, they have scars on their faces. They have the whole thing. Oh, scary ones. Yeah, Filipino. Oh, that one's real. Look at that. Oh, my. Look at the fucking cards above. Black figures like that. What does that mean? One day you'll be black. No. Jay-Z. Jay-Z. Latifah.

And like my aunt did a reading and then this old lady, like she did like read her palms. And then the old lady was like, oh, you're being followed by this capre who wants to fuck you. What's a capre? It's like a gorilla slash... Carlos is a capre. Is Carlos a capre?

Yeah, he smokes. Capre smokes a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they live like in the trees. Capre. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you weren't in the States, you'd be Capre for sure. King Capre. So wait, a Capre was following her, trying to attack her. No, fuck her because the Capre is obsessed with her. That's what the- Wow. And did the Capre ever get her? Yeah. I don't think so. But then the old lady was like, you have to get out of town because this is like- Okay, okay. That is Carla.

That's a copyrighted? Wow, dude. Oh my God. Dude, copra's are cool, bro. That's so rad. Yeah. He has an old school. Oh, there's another one. Doing karaoke. Oh no, he's blowing up. That's definitely Carlos. That's Carlos. Look at his hairline. Yeah, that's a copyright, dude. Yeah. Wow, dude. That's 100% Carlos. Give me more copra. It looks more like that. Oh, right. That's wow. Yeah.

Have you guys ever seen a capre around the Philippines? No, but I saw the shadow of one. Oh, a shadow of a capre. It could have been a monkey, but... No. What's the difference between monkey shadow and capre shadow? Capre's bigger. They're huge. Look, it's the size of a tree. Look at the second photo that you brought up. He's sitting in a tree. Look at that big naked guy in the tree. You would be able to spot a capre. Why is he balding? Why is the capre balding?

I don't know. Yeah. And what is he blowing on? He's smoking. Oh, okay. Wait, they smoke? They sit in the trees and they smoke? Wow. I would do that. This is 100% you. Yeah, yeah. I would love to do that forever. Can we get that on a shirt? Are there good capres out there? Like, hey, I'm going to invite a friend to this party. Right. Like, hey, dude, Andrew. Yeah. I have a friend. Who is it? It's a capre. You want him to come to my house? Yeah. Yeah.

What does he bring in? You have trees at your house? Yeah, my whole front yard is filled with trees. Yeah, he'll be up there. Okay. All night? All night long. Yeah, yeah. You want to come inside, man? Sitting in the trees all party? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this woman got chased by the comprader. It never happened. You want to come inside? I mean, this is insane. Yeah. Look at that. That's a little Filipino kid with one. Yeah.

Can you train to be a cop ray? I mean, like if I was born in the Philippines. You're supposed to be born, not trained to be a cop ray. What do you mean? Can I be born? How do I be born from another cop ray? He's not allowed to dream? Yeah, yeah. You're taking away his dream. If I was a regular person, I couldn't dream to be a cop ray? It's like I want to be a ninja too. Why can't I be a ninja? Why can't? No, I mean you'd have to be big enough.

Give us the details. How big are cop rays? Tall, dark figure reaching up to 10 feet in height. That's pretty tough. They look like Michael Yeo then. Yeah. Okay. What? They're trickster figures who play pranks. Oh. But they don't kill. I've heard they kill. Really? Go down and go show more. Let me see if they do kill. Yeah, yeah. Appearance first. Well, appearance says the cop rays of the tribe is tall, dark figure sometimes reaching up to 10 feet in height. Depicted hairy humanoid with long legs. Cop rays are said to dwell in large trees.

bamboo, mangoes, bellated trees. They're also seen under these in pass and forest. Mischievous, playing pranks on people, make you lose your way in the forest and then all your shit disappears. Over here. Oh, here. Right? You love this. They have the power to remain invisible. Oh, that's why you can't see them. Children or people with a special third eye can see them. Wow. You have third eyes?

I think so. Yeah. I feel like it's something that you would know. Yeah, I think you'd know by now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a tail. Like you'd know if you had a tail. You would know if you had a tail. If you had a third eye, you'd know. Yeah.

Can you really see aborigines and ghostly things? Not right now, but when I was younger and when I was living in the Philippines, like in our old house, I saw like an old lady like just floating. And I told my mom that and she was just like, oh, that's just nothing. It was like a grand ma. Capre whore. Capre whore. Capre whore.

- But you know what? - What? - She can also feel if there's anything around a space and there's nothing in your house, so that's good. - Okay. - There's nothing in his house? - Wait, wait, wait, Jules, you know this about your sister. She can feel what's in her space. - No, like if there's anything in the space. - Any entity in the space. So in my house, there's no entity. Do you know why? - Why? - 'Cause my entity is stronger. - You seanced it, didn't you? - I seanced it out. - Yeah, that's cool. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Who's your entity?

His name is Dave. You guys don't know him? You don't know Dave? No, I've never seen him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's there. Yeah. He's better than a cop, right? I want you to come over. I don't think so. I want you to come over and see if something is in my house. Now I think maybe I have an entity. She has it. She has the ability. Because I'm telling you, some nights when I go take the dog out to piss, I'll walk down the stairs and the dog and I will be walking. This happened twice. We'll be walking down the stairs to go outside and we walk down the stairs and we get to like the bottom to turn the corner and she'll stop and I'll stop.

And I'll kind of, and I'll like feel, it feels really weird. And the dog will kind of stop and look inside the front room. And then she'll quietly move back to the door. But I can feel something is different. It's very strange. It's happened to me twice now. You know what happened to me, right? What? When I was in Oklahoma City, this native guy picks me up because I was doing that movie. And he goes, my friend, you have a spirit. Following you? Yeah, following you.

And I go, because earlier that day, I saw a lamp in my hotel room, but I saw something flash to my right, like a black figure. And I kept seeing, I called Kalilah actually. Oh yeah. Yeah. Remember I called Kalilah and I go, I literally think that there's a spirit. And then he goes, you must get sage. So I bought sage. Did it help? No, no. Yeah. But he disappeared eventually.

Wait, no, so how did you make it go away? Because I'm dating a switch.

- Oh, that's why I think I'm dating a witch. - Because you want all that shit gone. - Yes. - Does she sage you? - Yeah, she sages me out, dude. - Sage. - Yeah. - So there's this Reddit story. I forgot exactly how it went, but basically it was this guy. He was talking about how he lives a really good life. He has a wife and kids and stuff, but then he looks at the lamp on the corner of his room and then it starts to look weird.

And then just everything that he knew just disappears. His family disappeared. His wife, his kids. It was all like in his head. It is an illusion. But he lived through it. He lived through it. Having family. Right. Having kids. Oh, so it's like the inner light then. You have no idea what you're talking about. I'm talking about me. He still pointed at me like he knew what I was talking about. That was amazing.

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Next generation. Do it again. What? You know what it's like? It's like inner light. No idea. So it's, you know, Adam Egan from the comedy store. Yeah. He hated Star Trek Next Generation, right? But I told him to watch this episode called Inner Light. It's the second to last episode on season five. I feel like you told me about that. Yeah, I've talked to you about this episode. But it's much like this episode. You know what I mean?

Where Jean-Luc Picard lives a complete and full life in 60 years, but only five minutes past. Wow. You know, that's like a mushroom trip. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's happened to me on a mushroom trip. I've lived like five lives. Oh, yeah. If you ever want to watch the best sci-fi episode of all time, I think that's the best TV episode of a sci-fi show.

I need to watch it. Yeah, it's incredible. Where is it on? Is it still on the internet? Yeah. Can I explain to you the episode or not? Probably not. No. Okay, okay.

It's one of my passions, but okay. I'm telling you, man. These girls have energy that... It's good. Yeah. It's like the room feels different when they're here. Yeah, yeah. It's good. What does it feel? I don't know. It feels like... Chaotic. It feels chaotic. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it feels like fucking like jazz drums. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's like in Sinners. You ever seen Sinners? Yes. Did you see it? No. Oh.

Okay, why'd you say yes? What's wrong with you today? Dude, the poo face thing, now I'm saying yes to everything. Oh, I see. You want me to say yes? Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm going to say yes. Jesus. Do you see sinners? Michael B. Jordan is so hot in that movie. All right. Which version of him? Stop with the horny shit. Both of them. What? Both of them. Okay. I know. I've heard, because he plays so hot. He's so hot. Bring up photos of him without a shirt on. His arm. Michael B. Jordan is jacked. He's such a good looking guy. It's unbelievable. Yeah.

Wow. Crazy. Whoa, dude. Jesus Christ. That one's inappropriate. That's inappropriate, dude. Oh my God. Imagine. Imagine. This is Jules wants his chocolate guy. Yeah. She's looking for chocolate. Have you had chocolate? No. Yeah. Would you do this chocolate? She said last time. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. How many chocolates would you do? How many bars? A lot. Yeah? A lot. Okay. Rudy, now you're single. You can go date chocolate if you want.

I think she's, honestly, can I be honest with you? Okay, go. I don't think that's an interest to you. Dating? Yeah. Like right now? Anytime. I guess. Yeah. You dated for a long time, right? Yeah, I just want to rest. But it's like, I can still look at you. I just want to rest. Like you were jogging. 23 years old. Like she was jogging. Yeah. I was 23 when I started stand-up, her age. Me too, same thing. And when I look at her, I go, I was that young? Yeah.

It's crazy, man. Isn't it crazy? It's fucking crazy. I was that young when it did. Yeah, I was 22, 23 when I started. Yeah. Whoa. We got some submissions. Oh, so we got BBC submissions. What's BBC? Big Black Con. Okay. And so what? So we got BBC submissions to Date Rudy. So who's this first guy? Yeah. Let's see the first guy.

Let's see the first submission here. This guy is Sean Harris. Yeah, he's 28. 28, he's an Aries. What's up, Sean? Credit score is 720. That's good. Business credit, 84. Not bad. He's six feet tall. He's got a Honda Civic working on it.

He's an artist consultant, lives in Pennsylvania, travels to New York a lot for work. That's neither of those places are here. And Rudy, you're gorgeous. Follow my IG. To the bad friends, love y'all. Keep it up. Okay, so let's see. First photo. This guy. Okay. All right, well, he's out there. He's smoking weed, maybe. Yeah, yeah. All right. Not cigarettes. Oh, he raps? Oh, he's handsome.

How do you know from... There's a microphone covering his whole face. But I, from I am good. What about this? Cute. Yeah, yeah? Smoking again. Smoking again. Better with a microphone on, huh? Yeah. So this is his Instagram. This is actually one of his... This is one of his songs. Oh, here we go. And I see you.

No, he smokes too much. I think he smokes too much. Let's get a different contestant. But we do like him. We like him a lot. Very talented. You know what my problem with that guy is? Too cool. Oh, too cool. Way too cool. Rudy's BBC dream. Next up is a fam. Not sure how to do this. My credit is 653 and my dick past my belly button soft. I love one piece. Tell it what up. Okay. All right. Any photos? No. Oh, there is. No.

How old is he? He's 52. I can't tell. Oh, he loves horses. He has a kid? Yeah, he's got a kid. Why'd you see the horse first? I just don't see a lot of black people on horses. Do you? I mean, let's... Time out. Do you see... Let me think about it first. Okay, just think about it. I've never seen a black guy on a horse. I've never seen a black guy skydiving. Or drink coffee. Or drink coffee. What? Wow. Okay, next up.

We like them though. This is for the girl BBC request, ha ha ha. Her chocolate love, tell her, follow me on Insta. Yep, here we go, chocolate love. Can I ask something real fast? Yeah. They all put their credit score in there. Do we ask for that? I think you did. I think you did ask for it. Good answer. You're being protective. Yeah.

Well, first of all, first of all, Bobby's my friend. You guys are laughing at me. My friend said, I'm being protective. I want to make sure they have a bright future and Jules can be taken care of. Exactly. You wanted to be specific. I said what? Yes, but that and the car. That's why they're- Well, I want to know. Okay. Does Jules want to date someone who's making less than 5,000 pesos a day? No.

No. This is my case in point. Exactly. There he is at a mall by a fountain. Bro, you walk into the West Covina Mall and you see that guy sitting on that fountain. What would you do? Run away. No, you wouldn't. You're like, let's get an acai bowl together or whatever. Go back to the mall photo real fast. I got to tell you the truth. Look at those lips. Nice lips. Nice lips. Big lips. I'm telling you, my guess is he is on break at the kiosk he works at and took that photo.

That's a guess. What kiosk is it? They probably... Wait, wait, wait. Look at me right now, dude. No. Yes, yes. What kiosk is it? I think they fix iPhones. Okay, good. Good. Very good. Nice tattoos, though. I just feel like he loves himself, too. Oh, I see. Tattoos on the face. Do you like tattoos on the face? You do. Wow. Yeah? All right. Okay. But I feel like the title alone was just like, oh, BBC requests, ha ha.

Yeah. Yeah. You don't like that ha-ha. You don't like the ha-ha part. I understand. You know what? Smart. And he's half naked in the parking lot. Yeah. You, as a sister, you wouldn't approve. I wouldn't approve. I get that. I get it. Moving on. I get that. And very smart to say the ha-ha does throw you. Chance to meet Rudy. Hey, guys. She's white. Yeah, but can we mix it?

Can we mix it up a little bit? You can't have BBC and B-Block. He might have a big black dick. I don't know. I may not have a BBC. All right. All right. All right. Being white and all, but I'm 32, I think Rudy would have fun with me. My credit score is in the 700s. I drive a Lexus ES350, and I have a cruiser motorcycle. Let me stop you right there, pal. We're not letting our kid get on a motorcycle. I mean, look at the photo. What if he has a WBC? Let me see. A white black hawk. Let's see. Let's see if he has a white black hawk. Yeah. Zoom in.

Oh my God. James Dean, dude. It's a screenshot of it. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. It's a screenshot. Next. Give me next photo. Oh, so you're interested. Nice, man. Uh-huh. Hello. Happy Thanksgiving. Right? You can imagine him saying that. By the way, that definitely is a Thanksgiving photo. Yeah, yeah. There's the cruiser motorcycle. Hey. All right. We're going to unfortunately pass. We're going to pass on that.

We're going to pass. For Rudy's love, this next guy is 2561 Black Eye. I love how he just wrote, I'm 2561 Black Eye. 690 credit score with a 2016 Mustang GT. He's in North Carolina. He's in school to be a doctor. Ooh. A doctor. Wait for it. In physical therapy. All right. So it's not...

It's a doctor. What do you think he's leaning toward? Doctor or physical therapy? It's physical therapy. Is this him? Yeah. My man. My man. I need PT, so maybe we can hook this up. He's a child of God. That is good to know. That's really good. There he is. Oh, wow. There he is on Main Street, just doing his thing. He's doing his thing, this guy, dude. Dude, go to the slide before. It was literally just like seconds before. Go one more. It was just like, this is like all the same day. Zoom in, zoom in. What do you think he's doing there? Bro. Bro.

What did he do? It's just, it's like, this is like moments later he took these photos. People my age post stuff like this. Like seconds later you took the same photo? Go back to that photo, the first one. It's like a slide of time. Andrew, what is he looking for on the ground there?

You tell me, bud. No, no, no, bud. No, bud. I'm making it up to you. No, bud. What are you looking for on the ground? You tell me. No, you tell me, my friend. You tell me. No, he dropped his keys. Oh, he did? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that what's down there? I don't know. But do we like this guy?

He's okay, but all his pictures is like of his back. He likes his back. He has a great back, dude. Kid's got a good back. And he always has scripture on his back. I have a guy who dresses, I mean, I have a classmate who dresses like this. What do you mean you have a guy? What did you mean by that? I have a guy classmate who dresses like that. This guy loves words on a shirt.

And this guy, what kind of shirts does he wear, your guy classmate? The ones with the words on your back. What does the word say, Isa? I don't know. I forgot. I don't look at this guy all the time. Okay. I got to tell you, though, I like this guy. That last shirt he just had, I really liked. What does it say? It's a dear person behind me. The world is a better place with you in it. I like that kind of stuff. We like that kind of stuff. That means his heart is good. Yeah. You know? But you don't like him, do you? I'm not vibing. Okay. Move on. No vibe.

All right. I'm from Canada. I was just there. Okay, here we go. Maybe I can get a date with Rudy. He's in Edmonton, Alberta. Okay. I'd rather date the dog. I'd rather date the dog. So... Ooh! What the fuck is that? That's Josh. He's half black, half native. Ooh!

find and go up whoa that's the guy dude wow look at him look at oh my god

Wait a minute Wait a minute Wait a minute Wait a minute Wait a minute Does he do stand up? Is that what that is? Well he also He can't memorize his jokes He's reading it off his phone Wait go down to the next one Yeah That's it Okay where's his Instagram? He didn't leave it Oh my god Fuck Rudy this might We might have to put the brakes on that Yeah We might have to put the brakes on that Yeah He's a long face He's a long Yeah quite a long face Yeah quite a long face Anything else? Nothing We'll be about that application Yeah please More please

This is Gary Nelson. Okay, first of all, that's not a black guy. Gary? I bet he is. Find out if Jules would be up for two BWC. Big white cop. Yeah, that's a white guy. Yeah, okay, let's look. Send a video you said to Gary. Ha ha. Here you go, bud. This is like a video of him jerking off. It fucking better not be. It better not be or I'll get angry. Hey, bad friends family.

The reason I think I'd be a good match for Rudy is I'm obsessed with One Piece. I love how gross she is. I love how she doesn't have a filter. We're both on the spectrum, most likely. I have a fat dog and a fat cat over there eating some food. And I've got a big white dick. Hold on. We're the parents. Yeah. That's first of all. I'm all in. First of all. I'm all in as a parent.

I only have one big fear. What? Go back to it and don't play it. Just, yeah, okay. Push pause. Pause. Now, scan to when he scans the room.

Okay, ready? Yeah, let's look at the background. Okay, up when he goes back up again. Stop, pause. Stop, stop. Okay, what is going on back here? This is a basement. Dude, you're right. And that is scary to me. And let me say something. Who lives above? Parents. Parents, mom and dad. Yeah, mom and dad. Now, the only thing that would give that away that is not a basement in a weird turn of events is that is a doggy door. It'd be weird to have a doggy door in the basement.

But I will say... For the cat. What? It's for the cat. You know what? I don't think it is a basement. I don't know what he said, but I'll bother you. He's a cat and dog, too. Sorry about that, Karina.

No, that was understandable. Thank you. Thank you so much. You're a regular. You're a regular. You're a regular on this show. He said that was understandable. Because you were like, oh, that's a doggy door. And he was like, oh, it's for cats. Right. Exactly, dude. You get it. In the Philippines, you understand. Broke my fucking head. I'm throwing down too hard. Okay. Let me tell you something. Yeah, yeah. Here we go.

Cut it out. Cut it out. Cut it the fuck out. Yeah. We're trying to do an investigation here for Rudy's sake. Why didn't you say squirrel? Yeah. That's a hamster dog. Yeah, hamster dog. Come on, guys. All the fucking species. So tell me, is this guy of interest? I like that he has a cat and a dog. And a fat dog. Fat dog is cool. Fat dick. Fat dick. Fat dick, dude. Okay. All right. Sweetheart. Sweetheart. All right. Sorry, honey. Okay, baby. He's my mom. What? He's my mom. I am. She is. Hello.

That's so obvious. She's your mom. Go to the next applicant, please. Well, we'll put him on hold. Who's this next guy coming over? He doesn't even say anything. So we're going to meet Zach. Oh, I'd love to. Honey. Yes, sweetheart. We're going to meet Zach. All right. I hope Jules picks right. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Pause. What are we, in Gaza? Why can't I say that? He can. He can. All right, here we go. Don't judge me, Mom. I watched your shows in the shower. I don't touch myself too much.

He's naked. Yeah. To Bobby in the shower. I just watch your shows in the shower anyways. Rudy, yeah, 100%. 100%, yo. Honestly, we want her on the BBC side. I've talked to a few of the BBC community members. She's English. We were thinking, like, Rudy Jewel's, like, she'd be a great part of the community. This is just...

Let's just exclude Bobby from this conversation for just a second. Hey, guy, what's your obsession with me? I should mention you three times. I know there's some sexual tension between me.

I think he wants you. Yeah, I don't think it's about you. I think it's about me. And no thank you, dude. I think you should get with him. He's really funny and I like how he's kind of nervous to talk about my sister. You think he's funny? Yeah, he's kind of funny. He's trying to be funny. No, he's funny. God, the humor now. The level of humor in the youth.

All right, let's go to the next guy. Next one, please. I don't think we can have you get that guy. Zach. Hi, Zach. We liked him, though. Zach, we love you. We love you, Zach. You're handsome, Zach. This guy has a 2022 Chevy Camaro. He put that in the subject line. Hope Rudy likes my car. If not, please show it on the next episode. Oh, his photo's going to be bad, I think. It's a video, I think, yeah? Jamal. I hate car guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Already. Oh, another back. Okay. Oh, he can do that.

You can do a figure eight on the freeway. Wow. Yeah, yeah. That's pretty cool. I know you want a BBC. I'm the next best thing. Big Brown Weenie. Ah, a BBW. Big Brown Weenie. I'm trying to fall in love with Rudy. I'm 26 years old and I live in East LA. Okay, this one's finally in Los Angeles. Oh, dude. Whoa. Honey, I really like him. You like him? Yeah. He's spicy. He's spicy. Zoom in.

To his face? He's flicking off the camera. I don't know. His attitude's a little aggressive. Is there another photo? He sent a video, but it's just him at a party. Let's see that. We love to see people party. We love to see parties. I want to see how he parties. You like to see him party, sweetheart? If he parties hard. There he is. Oh, shit. It's like an anime party. He's got good friends. Look at him.

I actually think this is a smart move. He's showing you that he has fun people around him. A girl is sitting on a fridge. I think this is actually very intelligent. Let me see the girl in the fridge. It's a girl on a counter. So cute. Yeah, look at her. He's so scared. No, she's so cute. Okay. That guy. Look at the grouchos at the party from Sesame Street. Everybody's here. Everyone's here. Bernie, Ernie, everybody. Look at this guy.

What's his name? How come there wasn't a Mexican character on Sesame Street? Groucho. Who the fuck is Groucho? Oscar. I mean, Oscar. Hey, Groucho. Oscar. Who's Groucho? Groucho Marx. Groucho Marx. Marx Brothers. Wait a minute. Oscar wasn't Latin. He wasn't Mexican. Okay, think about... Play Oscar and let's just close our eyes and see what he is.

Just close your eyes. Okay, visually. Visually, what is he? Mexican. Why do you say that? You Spanish oppressive piece of shit, man. Why do you say that, you oppressor? It just has good style. Okay, nice try, pig. Yeah, nice fucking try. Let's do a video so I can hear what he sounds like. I forgot what he sounds like. This is over with. Okay, well, Oscar, thank you for coming to the LA Times to answer our very important questions. You're not welcome. Okay, I already know.

A fentanyl white. Fenty white. Yeah, yeah. Fenty white. Right, a fenty white. You know, what do you think he is, girls? I don't even know. Yeah. Yeah. White. Yeah. Okay. Play it right there. Yeah, go ahead.

Years that I'm quite fond of. But a grouch's motto is your next piece of trash could be your best piece of trash. He's an old timey hobo. Yeah, he's an old timey guy. Yeah, old timey hobo. Old white guy. Yeah. He hops on a train, a boxcar train. Exactly. With the thing. He's a leg missing for some reason. Yeah. He wasn't even in a war. Is that the last BBC? I think we have one more. Let's see it. Aaron Taylor. Anaheim. 6'2".

Wow. He says full sack. What does that mean? Full sack. I think he's got a full sack. Yeah. It's filled with other things. Credit score 580. Not great. Not great. 2001 Jeep Grand Cherokee. He met Bobby Lee in a 7-Eleven. Okay. That's where I meet my black eyes. That's 7-Eleven. Yeah. Every time. There he is with his mom. Oh, great. He's cute. He's so cute. Whoa.

Like we're surprised he can do that. I would expect that. Yeah, yeah. Oh, he loves sunsets. That one I like. Honey, that's great. He loves sunsets. How old is he? He looks like he's... This one's from five years ago. Oh, right. It's okay. Give me another one. That's it, but he left some of his music in here. They all leave their music.

I'm like in the ocean, like Avatar style. I'm swimming with those. Yeah. There's a mermaid. No, that's not. Oh, it's my lover. Hey. Hey. It's my lover. I'm blue in the ocean. Flying through the ocean. I'm blue.

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I'm a plan to the ocean. I'm blue. And that's it. By the way, I love that. That beat is great. He's my number one. Me too. I think he's my number one. We go on a date with him. Yeah. All right, Aaron, we'll set it up. The funniest part is he had the worst credit score in the oldest car, but the beat's so good. We love him. Yeah. It looks cute. The picture, like every girl. Yeah. Well, he's just his mom. And I don't know who the other lady was. But the mom is key. But they were happy. Yeah.

They were really happy. And that's all that matters. That's all that matters. Are you happy? I'm happy. Are you happy? I think he looks... Okay, good. Yeah. Just diverts the question. You think he looks what? I think he looks a lot like... Kendrick Lamar. Our brother. Okay. He looks like your brother? What? Yeah, you don't see it.

No. Really? No, I'm just saying he just looks a lot like our brother. Yeah, but don't say that. Yeah, yeah, don't say that a lot. He reminds me of my brother. Okay, okay, anyway. He doesn't follow the bad friends account, so we can't call him. But if he wants to call him. Oh, that's nice, too, that he doesn't follow. And he's not a fan. You don't want to. What are you trying to do here? She's a wedge. She doesn't want it to happen. Do you see that? Swimming in the ocean, I'm blue. Swimming in the ocean, I'm blue. I'm Avatar.

Swimming in the ocean, I'm blue. Blue. Swimming toward my lover, I like it. I like it. No. Swimming toward my lover, I do. I do. Okay. We liked him. We like him a lot. Too bad we can't call you. We can't call you, guy. So I feel like you're a wedge. I feel like you're being more picky than her.

Well, yeah. Why? Why? Because I'm the sister. Yeah, but what do you give a shit? Yeah, you don't even live here. Yeah. No, but I call her. All the time. So when you're in the Philippines, how many days a week do you guys call? We never call. Like months will go by? Yeah. It's just texting. Just text. But you text every day? No. Like once a week? No. Once a month? Yeah. Yeah. That's interesting about siblings. How often do you talk to your brother? Like once a month.

I call my sister today. I do think we've connected more as our parents have gotten older. Yeah. That is a big piece of it. Yeah. Yeah, because I used to hate Issa. You used to hate her? Why? I was just annoyed at her. I would just beat her up and just...

You can't beat her up anymore. Not anymore. Because you're stronger than her, aren't you? I want to see you guys fight so bad. So, Issa, do you have a high school love? You're in high school still, right? Yeah. You have a senior next year? No, I'm a junior next year. At 17? No, because I had to repeat a grade. Why? Which one? I had to repeat 7th grade. Why? Because I was depressed. A, B, C, D. I wasn't gone.

I wasn't soft, guys. Hey. Yeah. You're being mean. I am? Yeah. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I was just seeing if you could finish it. Say sorry. Can you finish it? A, B. Okay. No, you have to say sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Isha. You were depressed? I was really depressed.

It was your emo stage. Yeah. Yeah. I feel you. So you never went to school? Yeah, well, I... Not for a year. Yeah, I went to school for like half of the school year. And my school was like, they were doing, it was mental month, mental health month. And then we were doing this forum thing. And I was like, oh, I'm going to answer it properly. So I answered it properly. And then they called my parents. And said...

And said what? Like, oh, you need to get your daughter out of school. Oh, because it was that bad? Mm-hmm. I mean, sometimes we talk about serious things. I was just wondering, like, I mean, are you through all that hardship? Okay, what happened? Did you go to therapy? I mean, what happened? Yeah, I went to therapy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was on antidepressants. Which one? I don't know. I forgot. But I forgot that, I mean, I remember that it was a lot.

- I was on it. I took him for a while. - You did? - Yeah. - Yeah. - I hated it. - 'Cause your parents are, you know, I know your mother well. Your father's a lawyer. - A judge. - A judge. Oh, fuck. - Huge difference. - He was a lawyer when I met him, no? - Yeah, he was. - I didn't know he upgraded to judge. He's a judge now? - Yeah. - That's amazing. - Wow. - So your father's a judge and you just have good genes?

Because your mother is hilarious. She's crazy. And crazy and fun. We love her. We love her. And I love your dad. He's very stoic. So you have good family, right? You have a beautiful sister and two brothers. You have a dog at home? I have a lot of dogs at home. How many? I have six. No, seven. Seven dogs. Holy shit. That's a lot. Any of them fat? Yeah. Do you know those dogs or no?

I grew up with three of the dogs, but when I left, they got more. It's too many dogs. Way too many. I mean, it's too many dogs. What's the max dog? Three? In America? Yeah. The most pets you can have, I think, is three or four in California. Well, no, no, no. Three is number of dogs. Four is number of combo pet to me. You can have as many as you want.

I don't think so. Really? Yeah. Los Angeles County legal limit for dog household is four. Yeah. All right. But that's what I'm saying. But to me, three is the most dogs you should have. And if you have a cat, that's it. Four, you're done. Four animals and you're done. We have five.

I'm going to call the cops. Yeah. The legal limit for the number of dogs holding this house cold in Chicago is five. Illinois is fine. Wow. Good way to go, Chicago. Let me ask you ladies something real quick about our house. You know, how long does cat vomit need to sit before you clean it?

Yeah, what's the timeline? Yeah, what's the timeline? Because you've been doing three or four days now and are you waiting for it to harden or what? Have you seen the house? It's clean. We cleaned it last night. Is that how you talk to it? Exactly. That's exactly what it is. That's insane. Yeah, I don't charge rent. Right. All right? I provide them whatever they fucking want, right? And that's the way they talk to me, dude. I'm not.

I'm just saying, why are you complaining? There's no mess. Okay, but I'm just saying that for two days, there was cat vomit by my bedroom door. How what? You can't clean it? Oh, here we go. It's gotten so out of control. It's bad. It's really bad. It's so bad, dude. Because aren't they your cats too?

God. I'm so angry. I can't control myself. Oh, my God. So, you know, I don't want to get rageful right now. I do. I want you to. You really do? Yeah, because she's pushing all your buttons. All right. All right. So. Okay, here we go. All right. So, number one, right? When you were in high school, right? Okay. All right. How long did you live in my house? Like four years.

Three years? Yeah. Did you pay any rent? No. Okay. Yeah. That's big. That's huge. Yeah, yeah. Whenever we go out and eat, right, do I pay every meal? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Have you ever picked up a tab? No. Yeah. Did I invite you to be a part of one of the biggest podcasts on planet Earth? That's right. I think Andrew did.

I did. Yeah, I did. But that being said, you're my partner, so we did together. How is this relevant, though? Wow. Wow. You know what I mean? I'm just asking, right? I'm just asking, can you please... Because he's talking about cats and their vomit. Yeah, yeah. Can you please, when you see that, you know what I mean? Because...

You know, I've been so generous and open, right? Then maybe clean it fast. I do clean it. You let it dry for two weeks. Yeah, because you have to let it dry because I don't want to get it when it's wet. It's gross. How often do cats throw up? A lot. Our cats throw up a lot. Why is that? I overfeed them. Right. Okay. So it's mainly your fault. What? What?

What? Giggly. I think you need to start from where the problem is. Where's the problem? You overfeed the cats.

Heavy. So many buttons you guys are pushing. What are you talking about? No, I want to say something, okay? And yes, you know, Gobi and Julio, they're getting fat. Why? Because of you. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Why? You feed them a whole chicken. I know. From Zenku?

No, not from Zanku. What is it? From Kismet Rotary Chicken. Oh, Kismet Rotisserie? Rotisserie. Oh, delicious. One of the best, right? Yeah, it's delicious. I buy them a whole chicken. Yeah, sure. And I feed that to them. That makes sense. I'm the bad guy. But then Atikolai said you can't feed them that. Yeah, we're co-owners. Yeah. Right? Why does her, why does she trump what I have to fucking, what I do? Yeah. I'm so mad I can't even talk, dude.

Why? How come? It's 50-50, right? Yeah. Because it's ethical lie. Yeah, it's what? What? She's the empress? Yeah. No, she's not. I'm the king. They both said yes at the same time. I know. Do you not respect him at all as the king? He's not the king. Wow, dude. Wow, dude. Beep, boop, boop, boop.

What are you talking about? I think I was like the king and you're like... I'm like what? She's the king. Yeah. Okay, so what am I... In Games of Throne... You saw Games of Throne, right? Games of Throne? Yeah, yeah. No, it's called Games of Throne. Here on Bad Friends, it's Games of Throne. All right. You saw Games of Throne, right? Who am I in Games of Throne? You're like... Who's that... Cersei's son? Cersei's son.

Oh yeah Joffrey I'm Joffrey All talk But then it's Cersei No bite All bite No bite You think that's Bobby Lee That's me The evil one Okay and who's Kalilah then in it I guess Cersei She's Cersei Right She's evil as well Probably worse Significantly You know what I am dude In that world Jon Snow

Jon Snow I'm Tyrion Lannister A little guy Really good advice I'm the hand Wise, smart, helpful And by the way Tyrion Lannister? You think Peter Dinklage is hot?

Yeah. Would you? Yeah. You would date Peter Dinklage. Now, who is that? That's Andreas for sure. No, that's Bobby. You think that's Bobby? Yeah, that's Andreas for sure. You're not right. You're trying to put that up. You're trying to say that's him. No, no, no. They say it. No, no, no. You say it. I just. Dude. Beep, boop, boop, boop, boop. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's you, dude.

And then, you know who Carlos is? Ramsey Bolton. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're Ramsey Bolton. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The crack addict? Mm-hmm. Ramsey, you are. Yeah, you're Ramsey Bolton. And who's McCone? Oh, I don't really know where he is because I rewatched the series. Who is McCone? I went from one to eight again. You did? Yeah. Who is he? He's fucking the baker. Oh, the fat kid? The fat baker kid. Yeah, yeah. Just not, like, an NPC, not really in the show. You know what I mean? That's you, dude.

Like, what's his name? You know, he has night terrors. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so that's you, McCone. Yeah, let's hear it. Can you do an English accent? What should I say? Pretty good, then. Be a baker. Yeah, yeah. Okay, we're at a bakery. Oh, Bobby, you're back again? Okay, we're at a bakery. That's pretty good. We're at a bakery. We're at a bakery. Ding-a-ding-a-ding. Hello, sir. Oh, hello. What do you have fresh? We've got some fresh buns right here for you. What kind of buns?

Grain? Grain buns. Honey, they have grain buns here. I don't like this guy's grain buns. The grain buns are fucking disgusting. They're terrible. What else have you got? Yeah, what else have you got? We got a croissant. Oh, we love France. Bullshit. Show us the croissant. I only have grain buns. I was lying. Our English kids... What does our English kids want? Hello? What do you two want to eat? Yeah, what do you want to eat? Order from the man. Order from the man. Go on!

I don't want them grain buns. Her accent is there. And our other daughter, who's a little eccentric. You know what I mean? And got the tism. You want grain buns or not? Yeah, do you want grain buns or not? Do you guys have an English muffin? Our oldest one is...

You went to boarding school. Sorry, lads. All right. Outside with you. Outside. Way outside. Excuse us. So funny. So funny. That's actually pretty good. Yours was actually really good. Very good. Yeah. Why didn't you try? I can't do accents. Yeah. Yeah, you can. You've done them on the show before. You've done it on the show before. Maybe you should come to London with us.

You don't want to. He needs a visa, too. Oh. Rain on the fucking parade. Jesus Christ. Pretty good English accent, McCone. Not bad. Have you heard Carlos do it? He's pretty good, right? Oh, shagadelic, baby. I hate it so much. Andreas, you do one.

I can't even do an American one. Let's hear an American accent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's up, man? Welcome to the Trump store. Say, hey, welcome to the Trump store. Say that. Hey, welcome to... Fire...

Hey, what store is this? What store is this? Oh, welcome to the Trump store. What? Dude. Welcome to the Trump store. This is the only job you could get. Yeah, yeah. You realize that, right? Yeah, yeah. Be careful because this is the only fucking job you're going to have in America. Honey, honey, what a beautiful store. I love this store. Yeah, yeah. You know what? I've always wanted a Trump poncho. Well, let's get you one. Yeah, yeah. Excuse me, sir. Yep. What up? Yes. Do you have Trump ponchos? Do you have ponchos here? Oh.

All we have. What? All we have, punches. You don't sound like you're from here. Are you from here? Where were you born, man? In Louisiana. Really? What part? Vate Rouge. What? He said Vate Rouge. Vate Rouge? Yeah, where's Vate Rouge? In Louisiana? Is that New Orleans? Yeah, where is that? Where is it? Los Unidos.

Los Alcalanos. Sir, you're fired. You're fired, dude. Get this guy out of here. Yeah, yeah. Call ICE. Call ICE. Call ICE now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do realize that you literally could work no other job besides with us. This is the only one. Yeah. Can you imagine? Yeah. Without us, where would he be? I don't know. You know where I tried to go last night? Oh, tell me. I waited in line and we couldn't get in. What? Jumbo's. What? Okay.

Clown Room. I haven't been in so many years. Who'd you go with? Well, we didn't go. We never got in. We walked in line. Wow. My buddy, you know Sean Malto? Yeah. Yeah, Malto and I were going to go with our ladies and my cousin and nothing. We walked in. It used to be you could walk in. Pull-up Jumbos, one of my favorite. You used to be able to walk in. There was a huge line. It sucked.

And so we left. This place is the best. It's the best. I Googled. I've been watching a lot of Sean videos. Malto? Yeah. He's so talented. No, we love him. Yeah. He's the man. David Lynch claimed he wrote Mulholland Drive at Jumbo's. Shut the fuck up. That's amazing. Is that a real story? He wrote Mulholland Drive at Jumbo's? Oh, Blue Velvet. Reportedly wrote the screenplay for Blue Velvet at Jumbo's Clown Room. Better movie, I thought. Yeah.

Blue Velvet's so good. I know, but I love Melandra. Me too. Such a good movie. But Dennis Hopper and Blue Velvet, what a creep. It's a great movie. I'm just saying, when he said, I love- You guys like David Lynch? They have no idea who that is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You never heard of David Lynch? Well, how could they, how? How could she- I don't want to get in this argument. How could she know? I just don't want to get into this. She's wearing a shirt of a band she doesn't even know. I know. I think she knows. I know. Actually, she didn't know Santeria.

He did know Santeria. Yeah, he was a very, well, it's a one of a kind director. When you watch a David Lynch movie, you immediately know it's him. Butter is like popular movie.

Blue Velvet, Elephant Man. That Gen Z would know. That's the problem. That's the problem, no. Well, they would know Twin Peaks because Twin Peaks they remade into a show. Yeah. You guys know Twin Peaks? Laura Palmer. There's a new show. When was the new Twin Peaks out? 2017. Yeah, it was not that long ago. You know that alien baby I have in the living room? I don't know if you've seen him. That's from Erase Your Head. Yeah, I'm a very big fan. You guys wouldn't know any of this stuff. Yeah. And the Coen brothers you don't know.

No. Wow. It's crazy. Well. What do you mean what? Well, it's like who's, they have their. They're not film fans. Well, their generation has. You know what they were watching the other day? Oh my God, it was driving me crazy. Oh my. Yeah, yeah. They don't know this, right? But they're watching some sort of like. Overcompensating. Yeah. What is that? Is that a TV show? It's some Gen Z story. Yeah. And they were laughing. It's a movie or a TV show? Yeah. TV show. Yeah. But we were watching an episode with Bowen Yang.

Yeah. And his podcast, I was in Tito Bobby, got so mad. No, I didn't. I get that. Yeah, you did. That's insane. I'm a big bone. I bet you got mad. Okay. Wait, hold on. Let me see the show. What is the show about? It's about this gay guy. No. No.

That's too controversial for me. Wait a minute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A new Gen Z show about a gay guy? Yeah. Yeah. Huh. And where is it on? Prime? Amazon Prime. Amazon, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's so funny. It's a good show. So it's about a gay guy. Yeah, but he's still in the closet and he's just trying to figure out. He's already in college and he's like trying to figure out how to come out. Coming of the age. Yeah, coming of the age. Yeah, yeah.

And it's so fun. What are you concerned about, honey? You should watch it. Honey, what do you think of these kids today? Once again, this is Hollywood pushing a gay narrative to the world, dude. Making everybody gay, dude. Is that guy gay? Yeah. Is that guy gay? Is that dude gay? Yeah. So it's about him coming out.

Does he ever come out? He does. Yeah. In the first season? Mm-hmm. Really blowing their load there, huh? Jumping the shark. It's a big show, though. Big popular show. People must love it, I bet. Yeah, they must love it. Yeah. I think you and I... Gen Z loves it. I think we're out of touch. No, I wouldn't say... Yeah, I think we are. I wouldn't say we're out of touch. I'd say we are... We're stuck in the past. I feel like Andrew is more open, though, than you. Ooh. Yeah. He's gonna... Beep, boop, boop, boop, beep, boop, boop, beep, beep. What do you mean? Beep, boop, boop, boop, beep, boop, beep, beep.

Because you got so mad, you told us never to mention Bo and Yang. Cut all that out. Don't cut that out. That's hilarious. No, I didn't. I love him. I'm a big fan of his. No, first of all, we're leaving that in. And let me tell you why. Why? Because you can then be honest.

That doesn't mean you don't like Bowen Yang. It just means you're a little jealous. And that's okay. I'm jealous of his career. That's what I'm fucking saying. He's in Wicked. He's in everything. I never got that. And that's out of jealousy. And I'm a bitch. You're not a bitch. I'm a loser. You're not a loser. And I'll kill myself. Please don't. Okay, is that what you want? This is what you fucking did. Look what you guys did. Bowen Yang or death.

Yeah. Choose. Choose. Look at him. He's the future. Wait a minute. Those are the same things. Bowen Yang would be death for you. So it's either Bowen Yang or you. No. You said Bowen Yang or death. Choose Bowen Yang or my death. Choose Bowen Yang or his death. Yeah.

He's super talented. He's the right guy for the right time. Is he spitting in that man's mouth? Yeah. I love him. I love him. I don't think I'll watch it. Okay. So don't say that. I didn't mean it in that way. Okay. But you guys have been stirring the pot. But you said to me, and I'm going to say this now. I'm going to call you out, dude. What? To get you riled up. Give it to me. She said Bowen Yang has a bigger podcast than ours.

There are numbers to support that's not true. Fucking all. Wait, what? There are numbers to support that that's not true at all. Is that true? Because I feel like maybe it is. No way. What's the name of their show? They just get a lot of like the A-list celebrities that I know of.

No, you know what it really is? What? What it is is that- I'll tell you what. It's sabotage. It's sabotage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What did that just say? Yeah. When I asked AI if Bad Friends was a show for Gen Z- Yes, it's a popular show with Gen Z. The Bad Friends podcast featuring Theo Vaughn and Bobby Lee. Great. Great. I'm sorry. Beep, boop, boop, boop, beep, boop. Why do you guys always pick on Bobby, do you think?

We don't pick on him. They don't fuck with me at all. They don't say hi. They don't fuck with you at all. Yeah, they don't say hi. They don't do nothing. If I'm upstairs, they're not upstairs. Yeah, yeah. You just wake up at 4 p.m. Okay, that's my lifestyle. Let me ask you something, right? When's the last time you gave me a hug? You don't like hugs. I do love hugs. He does from you. He says he does. He only likes hugs from people he trusts. Yeah, yeah. So, yes, he doesn't want a hug from me. There's no high five. There's no, you know what I mean? It's like, hey.

Good morning. Hi. I said good morning to the mom. And she'll go say something like, the dogs are fat. I'm like, what? Right? No, we are nice to you. No, no, no, no, no. We feel more comfortable with you than like...

Then like who? Other people in the family. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I see. Like a couple of days ago when you were leaving, I was like, oh, be safe. And you didn't even say anything back. You were like, oh, thanks. That is very sweet. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

You don't think that's sweet for her to say be safe? That's how she said it. How'd you say it? Be safe! That's not... I'm like, what, dude? That's fucking rude. No, but that's nicer because then I would be devastated if you weren't safe. Oh, that's very sweet. I honestly believe if I died, you wouldn't cry.

I would cry. What do you guys call each other? What's your nickname for each other? You have a nickname? Yeah. I used to call her Bilat, which means pussy. Oh. Oh. That's nice. Very good. What a good term. That's nice. That's sweet. Sister love? Yeah, yeah. Sister. What did you call her?

I didn't call her this, but people used to call her this because she was like the tallest one. Yeah. Like in our place. She was called Agda, which is also called Capri. What's Agda mean? It's also like Capri. Agda is Capri. It's the same as the tree man. Oh, really? Mm-hmm. Oh, so you're the tree man. You know who you are in the fucking Game of Thrones? What? The three-eyed raven. What's this kid's name? Oh, fuck.

Bart or no Branson Bran Bran yeah you're the three eyed raven dude that's cool though yeah wait what was the first word not covered the Bogdok what is it? Agda Agda what does that mean? just the same just the same thing why do they have two names?

I think Capre is for Tagalog and then Agta is for Bisaya. This whole fucking country is confused. I know. They got different languages with the same... They have the same mythical creature but called something else. Well, we have it. What? Bigfoot is also known as Sasquatch. They are one and the same. Yeah. So, yeah, you can have called two different things. I've never met... Have you ever seen a real Bigfoot or no? Oh, yeah. Okay, where...

I was in Pocatello. Oh, yeah, that story. I remember. Tell it, please. You guys know Pocatello? Remember? Okay, let's say we're in a campfire and we have marshmallows and we have tents set up. It's midnight and this old timey, you know what I mean, man approaches the campfire. Hello there, ladies. Exactly. Hello there, young Chinese boy. Where'd you come from, sir?

I'm from way out yonder. Yes. Where did you come from? Oh, we're just, you know, my family, me and my daughters were camping here. Where did you guys, where have you come from? We came just from the big city of Los Angeles, sir. I mean, before that, where are you from from? Right, right. We're all from Cleveland. Really? Originally, yes. You don't look like Clevelanders. Yeah, well, there's a lot of sun we got. You know what I mean? We're field workers. Well, next time wear sunglasses, your eyes won't end up like that.

Already. Get the fuck out of here, man. What? Yeah. You came here to tell a story. I came with guns. So you're going to tell us. Listen here. Tell us a story. I came here with guns. Are you a part of the KKK? Part of it? I'm the whole damn thing. I'm K. KK is down the fucking street. Kanye, come here. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Let me tell you something. I saw myself some Sasquatch one time.

Have you ever seen him? No. Big, big man. Beautiful man. Yeah? I was walking through Pocatello. Pocatello? Where is that, sir? Idaho. Oh. Fixing myself to get myself a sarsaparilla. I wandered around for hours and hours. Wow. Didn't find anywhere to wet my whistle. Anyway, sir, we're... It's about time.

Girls go to sleep. Oh, you'll want to stay up for this. Okay, I can stay up. Sir. Right. Yeah. So nowhere would wet my whistle. What's wet my whistle? Honey, sweetie, don't ask that question. No. Yeah, all right. Sir, come on, they're kids. I wanted to wet my whistle. Okay. An actual whistle. You know, they wet the tip so they blow on it. Oh, I was looking for a hooker to give me some head. Okay.

I couldn't find a girl. Okay, sir, that's enough. We have an early morning. We're going to go fishing. They're going to hear it from me or somewhere else. Okay. Anyway, guys, you know, we love whistles now. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So here I was strolling around Pocatello looking for somewhere to wet my whistle. I didn't find it, but I sat on the curb and thought to myself, well, this thing ain't going to beat itself.

So I pulled my pants down. Sweet. And I started whapping my wiener against my legs. Okay. That's the Sasquatch call, you know. We can imagine the sound effects are... Okay. Here, listen. I'll do it right now. Here. Girls, listen up. Yeah, yeah. Listen up, girl. Yeah. And of course, here comes Sasquatch. Yeah. He loves it. He's hungry for it. What is that? Is that him...

Is his penis rubbing against his legs as well? That's his penis against his legs. I make that noise, he recalls. Some would think he was walking, but he wasn't. Oh, no, that's just his penis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, clinking against his big old hairy legs. Yeah, yeah. And you're still doing yours, sir? Yeah, we're communicating. Yeah, you're communicating that way. Okay. And his goes... Yeah. And what does yours sound like, sir?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Is that how you call a Sasquatch? That's how you call him. He came. Anyway, good night. Good night, sir. Good night. Good night. Sleep tight. Sleep tight, girls. Wow, wow. By the way, that is a Sasquatch call. You know that? You know they say if you're naked in the woods, he'll appear. If you have clothes on, he won't be there. Yeah, I've done it before. He doesn't appear. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Never. Yeah. That is what they say. Attract Sasquatch. Leave gifts, make noise. Mm-hmm.

Does get naked's not on there? Yeah. Those fellas at school tricked me. Yeah. Can I tell you a street joke? Can I tell you a Gilbert Godfrey street joke? I love it. And can I do it like Gilbert? Because rest in peace, one of the greatest of all time. You're going to like this, girls. All right. But honestly, ladies, girls.

If you don't laugh, if it's not funny. Okay. All right. So let's go straight face. We'll all go straight face. Don't even smile unless it's funny. That's right. It's okay. Ready? Here we go. No, don't. You're smiling now. Don't fucking stop. You're smiling now. This is a Gilbert Godfrey's joke. Two Jewish men in a park. The one Jewish guy said, I'm so old. I'm so old. I'm so old.

The other guy says, you're not that old. Yes, I am. You don't even know how old I am. He goes, I bet you I could tell you how old you are. How? He says, take off your pants. He goes, I'm not taking off my pants. I'm in the park. Take them off. So he does. Then he says, now take off your underwear. I'm not taking off my underwear. I'm in the park. He says, take them off. He does.

Then he says, bend over and stick your thumb right in your asshole. I'm not sticking my thumb in my asshole. We're at the park. Just do it. And he does. And the other man says, you're 95. And he pulls his thumb out of his ass and says, how did you know that? He said, you told me yesterday. Thank you for being a bad friend.