We're Leaving LA w/ Jimmy O Yang
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This week, I'm going to be in Philly and in New York. I'm playing the Met and the Beacon. I'm so very excited and so humbled. I cannot believe I get to play two beautiful venues, New York and Philly. Come out and see me. Then I'm doing San Diego and Phoenix and San Francisco. We added a show. Then I'm going to be doing Boston.

Going over to Boston, my friends. And then I'm finishing this tour in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Come see me in Minneapolis, Minnesota. I'm doing four shows. That's where I'm shooting my special. I'm so very excited. Go to AndrewSantino.com for those tickets. AndrewSantino.com. You two are bad. Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.

You two are something. We're bad friends. Dude, did you fall asleep last night? No, bro. Yeah, you did. No, no, no. I liked your... No, you have... Today you liked it. No, no. So you're saying that I could have died. No, I liked it at four in the morning. I promise you. I could see the phone right now. Yeah, you could see it. Well, what can you see? That I did it at four in the morning. I know... Oh, God. I could have died last night. You definitely couldn't have died. Yeah.

He could have died last night. No, he could have killed me. Well, he's sick right now too. Are you sick? Yeah. From the fires, dude. It's the smoke. No, he's sick. You know he's sick. Those are meth nostrils. I've never done meth. Those are nostrils. Those are meth nostrils. Bobby texted me at three in the morning saying like doors were unlocked and to come in if the fire hits. That's sexy. No, it's not. No, that's not sexy? It's not sexy, no. Oh, I thought that was sexy. No, I had everything set up. I had the cat crates, everything set up. And I liked it an hour later.

I could have died because I fell asleep knowing that you were my garden angel and I could have died. Angels need to take naps. So last night, what happened? You're saying garden angel? Garden angel, dude. Like he lives in a garden? That's right, dude. My little garden angel. He's a garden angel, dude. He's a lawn gnome, dude. He is, kind of. So last night, when did you get in? I kept texting you on the flight. I'm texting you from the sky. I landed at 1035. My God.

Oh, wow. I saw the smoke the whole way. It was wild. Wow. I saw the fires the whole way. Last night, I texted Carlos because I was so tired. I go, I want to fall asleep, but just in case, if it gets out of control, I'm going to leave my bedroom door open. Hot. Yeah, and then wake me up. I have the bags packed. Get the cats in the cradle. Cats in the cradle and the silver spoon. LA is on fire. Yeah.

And it's Newsom's fault. Yeah, yeah. So it's that mayor we have. Where are you going to? Hey, Los Angeles, this is Mayor Karen Baird. Yeah, where are you going, baby? She's done, dude. She's done, dude, right? Yeah. She's cooked. She's done, dude. Why? She stayed silent there interviewing her. Dude, that was crazy. Yeah, yeah.

They're like sweet British guys like Madam Mayor. Have you got anything to say to the people of Los Angeles? You cut the fire department fund and all that stuff. And she kept it quiet. But last night, right? So I'm like, I fell asleep. I'm like, okay, Carlos asked me. This morning, he liked my thing. And so which means that he had slept through it. So if my house is on fire, I'd be dead. You'd be dead. But I was texting you the whole night. I texted you back and forth. In fact, I got a call.

From Kalilah. How many calls did you get from Kalilah? Yesterday. Two. Well, I got a call mid-flight and I texted. I was like, I can't answer. I'm on a plane. By the way, why can't I answer? I'm on a plane. Can't they just make it available for us to take a call on a plane? It'll interfere with the radio. No, it won't. There's no way that's going to happen. There's no way. There's no way. There's a lot of things they should, like closing the windows when you're landing. What's that all about? Give me a break. I know why they do that. Why? So when it's on fire, you can't see it. You can't see it.

So no one panics? Yeah, so you don't panic, right? Here's another one. Tray table. Why does that have to- Be up? Up or down or whatever, whatever. Shouldn't matter. Yeah. And by the way, if the plane crashes, the tray table, I want it to cut me in half. I know. Let it sever me in half. Well, no, it would hit your head because they want you to bend over. Well, they want you to eat your own balls. It's such a weird, they like tuck your head in your lap. Another one. Here's another one that drives me crazy. Give it to me. I feel like we're doing hacky road stuff. What is that? We're driving and flying. What is that, Seinfeld? Yeah.

Not good? Well, you just did it. That was my dad. What's the deal with flying? Yeah, what's the deal with flying? Flying. Anyway, another one is some of you poor folk might not know this one. Okay. I want you to see if you can guess, all right? You can have the waist, right? But what else do they want in first class sometimes? What are you talking about? Have the waist? The waist seatbelt. Yeah. Right? There's another thing they tell you to do.

Sit up straight? Shoulder one. Oh, the strap one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Double strap? It's like, I'm already this. Why do I need that? Yeah, they need, we want this too. Because you fold in half. Oh, is that what it is? Yeah, you fold in half. I don't, you know what? There's no logic to it, but I will say this.

You can't tell me. We have people that live in space, right? We have someone that lives at the International Space Station. They live in space. You can't tell me the plane can't have a separate radio for me taking a phone call? Dude, that's a good point, dude. What are you talking about? Write a letter, dude. Karen Bass. Will you start to write a letter to Karen Bass? Write a letter to Karen Bass. Dear Karen Bass. Yeah. Why can't you figure this radio plane stuff out? Okay, I have another one. Get it.

The fucking seatbelt sign's on, right? Yeah. Ding. You have diarrhea. Every flight. Me too. Literally every flight. So I get up, right? And the stewardess goes, what do you call them? Flight attendant goes. Yeah. You have to sit, right? And I go, but you're standing. Yeah.

Circus Olay. Whoa. You think you have better balance than me, Circus Olay? Cirque de Soleil, but yes. Whatever, right? No, no. I bet you money I want to see this. Circus Olay? Yeah, I want to see it. Olay! Olay! She does a flip. Olay! I want to look her in the eyes and go, I bet you money, lady. Or sir. Sir, whatever. Who knows? Right? If we were on one of those longs on the lake. Ah.

I would win. 100%. Right? Don't pretend that you're log champion. You're not. You know that one? That's a log champion. Look at my form, dude. Look, look, look. Look at my form! Now it's going backwards. Switch, switch. You know how they go switch, they go forward, and they go backwards. What I'm saying is that, no, if you're standing, I stand. If you're stand, I stand. Don't you think? Stand up for your right to fight. Do you have any other flight ones? I'll tell you one right now because this is crazy. Okay. And this applies to everybody.

They entice you on these frequent flyers. You know, they're like, ooh, you get miles, right? Like it means shit. It doesn't mean shit. It doesn't mean diarrhea. They lie. So here's what happens. I'm in Terminal 5. I'm about to fly on JetBlue because it shares it with American. I fly to American my whole career. We've been on the road. You know why? Because you're an American. God bless. God is good. God bless America, man.

No, but look, I've been an American customer because my dad was when we traveled a lot. Now I've switched a lot back and forth, but I have over a million miles on American. Over a million, right? Yeah.

And check this out. I politely go to the, I politely go to the lounge and I say to the woman, Hey, I know I'm not traveling American today. Um, I'm traveling jet blue. It's the same terminal. They don't have a lounge, but like, I want to get something to eat. Cause I haven't eaten. Like I'm running around. I haven't eaten. I go, is it cool if I go in there? Cause I'm a, and she goes, you have to fly American. I go, can I show you my, I've, I've, I've,

my loyalty or whatever and she's like no i don't care and i have the card i was like no i mean just please can i just get like a coffee and something to eat i haven't eaten all day she's like no you have to be flying american and i said i have over a million miles what else do you want me to do dude you're i give your company so much money every year i'm not saying i i'm entitled but it's like dude cut me a break can i get a coffee and a fucking donut i fly with you guys a million fucking miles a year i don't want to fight with you start it

Yeah. Start it. No, start it. I don't want to start another fire. No, start it. I don't want to start another fire. Start one in this room, and then we'll get an alert. By the way, we get an alert on our phone. Man, man. Bobby goes, you're telling the whole city to evacuate. I was like, read it. I was mentioning common things that normal people go through, right? And you had to throw in. Oh, the first class strap was a common thing, you fucking liar? Yeah.

You fucking liar. This is what the fans don't know. You're a fucking liar. No, you're a liar. He started off by saying the poor people liar. I never said that. Yeah, you fucking did. Roll the tape. Oh, yeah, I did. Yeah, he did. Okay. Here's what he does. He plays this victim card and the fans think like poor innocent Bobby. Dude, he's a brat. You guys don't know shit.

You guys are so out of your element. And by the way, everybody can get access to a lounge. That's not like a privileged thing. If you travel with an airline enough, you can go to the lounge. It doesn't matter how many points you have. You can go. And by the way, and by the way, little boy, you didn't have any status until I signed you up for all of your frequent flyer because I said, I'm trying to help you out. Another thing you don't fucking take care of. I didn't listen to a word you just said. Let me say something. I know you did. Carla, you've been to the airport with him, right? Oh, yeah.

What's up with him in the lounge? He's always like, meet me in the lounge. What am I? I'm like, I don't want to go to the lounge. I want to go get a snack. I want to eat food. Thank you, George. We have money. We can go to Dunkin' Donuts. They have better snacks. Why would I pay when I can just sit down and have... They don't have chocolate donuts at the lounge. Well, you should stop...

Getting Dunkin' Donuts. It's kid mentality. He's a child. McDonald's over cafeteria food. Yeah. I'll take... What? Go ahead, George. It's shitty food. It's airplane food. No, lounges aren't cafeteria food. No, no, no. But I know what he's saying. It's comparative. My point is, I just want to have like a cup of coffee and sit down and relax because you get to the gate and you're like, well, there's nowhere to sit. So I'm going to stand here like a fucking dildo waiting for the flight and then it's not worth it. I'd rather go to the lounge, get a cup of coffee, sit down, read some emails,

It's so... That's why every time I invite... By the way, when we do go to the lounge together, you fucking liar, you love it. You're a fucking liar. When we were in Australia and went in the lounges, you fucking loved it. Didn't you? Yeah.

didn't you liar dude you're such a liar the fact that the fans don't fucking know who you really are what is wrong with you it bums me out it's crazy no I testosterone do you listen to yourself talk I'm working out every day my tea is way up right now dude I want to kiss you fucking fuck yeah one last thing and then we can move on from thing they should have obviously at the gate a first class line oh boy this is relatable this will be a relatable thing and then they should have they should no I'm not done okay they

They should have the groups, you know? So you have group B, C, whatever, the lettering or the number. One, two. Whatever the number. The numbers. It's always numbers. Go ahead. Okay. You wanted to start a fight, dude. You even said it. Okay. Okay.

So what, they should have a... No, I'm not done yet, though. Go ahead. So then they should have also a line that they don't have, right? For... I know it. For the Chinese. I know. Dude, I knew you were going to say that. Because I'll tell you why, okay? They cut... No, tell you what. They don't know how it works. Yes, they do. I know they do, but they pretend

that they don't. I love them. So their whole thing is, what's going on right here? I don't know. I love Chinese. They cut. They cut. And they go in the first class. Dude, sometimes you'll see a Chinese couple, old Chinese couple, and they'll go with the needs more time, like the disabled people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen them walk with the veterans. I've seen them with the military. Yeah, with the veterans. Yeah, yeah, you're not in the Marines. And he beeps his phone. Right. He beeps his phone. He's like, whoa, America. You know what I love, though? This is what I love. I love that the Chinese people When they get to the ticket person, right?

They go, how about me? Right? How about me? And then they go, no, you're five. You're seven. You're at the end. And then they have to go, and I always make a face. I love it. See, when they walk by me, I go, nice try. It's a nice try. You got to let them swing. Okay, I'll give you one for the boarding bullshit. I'll give you one back. It doesn't make any sense, and it never has, that we don't board back to front.

Why wouldn't the back of the plane board first? It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. You're boarding the front and it's jamming up. Let people in the back go first. Are you saying this? I put first class first and then go back? No. Because I'll tell you why that's not going to work. First class should go last. I'll tell you why not.

Why? Because you're going to know this, okay? You like to stare at the people as they walk by. That's number one. I know you love that. I have my face. I know. And I do this. I sit like this, and I always have my hand out like this, right? And when they lock eyes, I go like this. I go. Oh, move on? Yeah, like move on. Wow. Don't look. Don't look. All right? Yeah, yeah. And if you get to the comfort plus section and the bags don't fit because there's no bag room, they light your bag on fire in front of you. That's a very good one. Right in front of you. Here's what I don't like, okay? What?

My shit's up there, right? Some guy's late. He moves it. Not just moves it. He does something different. Like he tries to fucking Tetris it. He tries to Tetris it, right? I get it. And he puts his stuff, jams yours twisted. You have no idea what's in mine. I could have some biohazard material. And you sometimes do. I sometimes do, right? So don't touch mine and Tetris my shit. Because you could set it off.

Yeah, I just don't touch my shit, man. By the way, say that to them. Next time they're moving, it'd be like, oof, that's gonna trip the wire. I wouldn't do that, dude. It will go off. Yeah, so those are my things. Those are your rules. How about this one? Okay. I did a nice thing. Yeah. I did a switch. Will you switch me seats? I did a nice thing. You got your blue chew? Yeah. I did a switch me thing, you know? Can I have my husband and I can sit the thing? Yeah. Of course. No problem. I'll do it. I'll do it anytime someone asks. No big deal. You do? I do when they ask. How about this? Would you do this? Huh?

If you were an aisle or a window. Sure. And you had to be a window, a middle to do it. It's six. How long is the flight? Six hours long. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Six hours. That's correct. Come on. So I'm the guy. This is time dependent. Excuse me, sir. Yeah. How are you, man? You know, we got our tickets late. And so me and my wife, we don't have seats next to each other. But if you switch my wife, you know, she could sit next to me. So can you switch, please? She's got the middle.

- I don't. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I don't know how. - Yeah, yeah, oh, you're not from this country. - Excuse me. Yeah, I don't speak English right away. Right away. See how would you handle it, ready? - Yeah. - Excuse me, sir. Sir, excuse me, sir. Hi. Hey, my wife and I booked tickets late and we're actually going to my mom's funeral. And do you think we could switch seats so I could sit next to my wife, sir?

Oh, my God. You know what I do in that situation? What? I go right to the flight attendant. I go, hey, can you just move this guy? Because he won't know the difference. No, no. But I did it deaf and blind. Right, right, right. You weren't looking at me. I wasn't looking at you. So you got to go deaf and blind. Deaf and blind. And then if that doesn't work, you go a little bit of like twisty. You pull the Helen Keller. Yeah. You pull the Keller. Yeah. So that's good. Pull a Keller. Would you pull a Keller?

On a flight? Yeah, yeah. No, but my favorite thing to do when someone's talking to you on a flight sitting next to you, I like to make up a life. If they don't know, if they've never seen me or they don't know, they're like, what are you going to Charleston for? Yeah. It's a fun opportunity to be like, I'm an engineer. I'm an aerospace engineer and I'm going to a conference right now. We're actually developing a way to shoot down Chinese spaceships. Oh, wow. I'll just make shit up. Oh, that's good. It's fun. Who fucking cares? And that guy's like, whoa. Yeah, I pretend. And then he goes and tells someone and they start a Reddit thread. They do. Yeah.

When they ask me, I've had older white dudes who ask me, like, where's your family from? Right? And you already know one that he wants to know. Oh, yeah. Because if you tell him your Korean, then he has a story. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear the story. I went to Seoul one time. Yeah, or like his grandfather was in the war or something. I used to exclusively date Asian women. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I knew who that is. So I go. Fucking George. Yeah, that's him. So I just make up a place. Oh, where are you from? Bongbong. You're from Bongbong? Yeah, yeah. How far is that from? Bongbong is. Oh, Bongbong is. Yeah, yeah. Bong Island. Oh, it's an island. Yeah, yeah. And we're known for, if you want to know. I would love to. Yeah, yeah. We have a special kind of corn that we crop. Ooh, what color? Purple. Wow. Yeah, and then we're also the best at making whistles. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

That's you guys? Yeah, we make whistles. We invented that. You did? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they're different than regular whistles. I imagine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the sound that they make? Weep. So people have a laugh? Yeah. No one's going to come save the day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Weep. Weep. Weep. That's it. So I make it up because I don't want to get into-

They're fucking they want to connect with you. So they try to find that thing. It's cute sometimes. But sometimes I also just want to have fun. Because, by the way, when you tell them I'm a comedian or we do a podcast, they don't give a fuck.

they're like oh really how come i've never seen your stuff and you're like well this i don't want to oh i don't want to you know what i mean i hate well they'll go they'll go oh you're a comedian yeah you're friends with nate bargatti like you know he's the most famous i know in the world it's like if they don't know you show the video by the way carlos real fast this is my agent's fucking house who you know you know my agent yeah that's his home oh my god they sent that to he sent nice place

Carlos, you're a fucking piece of shit. You're a fucking asshole. You're a piece of shit. It's just nice that I have a nicer place than your agent now. Oh my God, dude. Dude. Dude. By the way, back it up just a little bit. Yeah. Just there, right there. Yeah. That's your place, that fireplace. That's the size of your place, right? Right around the fireplace? Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. I texted Rainn Wilson today because his was just devastated. Well, thank God my agent and his family and his wife got out because, I mean, dude, how terrible. This is awful, bro. Yeah. It's awful. I texted Sebastian. His is fine. Oh, he is? Yeah. Whitney, I talked to her. She lives way out there. Yeah, she's fine though, right? She's fine. Yeah, she said she's okay. But, you know, Kalilah's sister's house. She said we have no home to go to. Yeah, but her house is the only one that didn't burn down.

Seriously? Yeah. They cried today because they bought their first house. They're in the desert, right? No, they're in Altadena. No, now they're in the desert. Yeah, yeah. And they cried because they were the only house standing. What they don't know is that for the morning last night, I took Fiji water. You know what I mean? You did that? I did that, dude. Why Fiji? Because it's my favorite kind of water and also they're Filipino. So I thought it was close. Right, it is near it. Yeah, yeah. My point is that I saved their house last night. Let's give it up for Bob saving the house. Anyway...

It was. You're a hero. It was scary. Honestly, though, I don't know if you, because I would text your wife. Yeah. I go, what are you doing? And she's like, I'm doing, like, we were communicating. She was packing bags. She actually went to our friend's house because there was a fire right near our house. I got so scared because I thought, oh, dude, I'm on a plane. Like, I can't do shit. So I just had a million texts coming in. My favorite text that I got was from Stan Hope.

Stan Hope gave me, I think, the funniest text. Like a lot of these, like Rachel Feinstein and stuff, like Sam Morrell, like a lot of New York people, a lot of great- They texted you? Adriana Bellucci, yeah. They didn't text me. And I'm gonna have a problem right now. They don't know where you live. Yeah, they do. Look at this.

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Just making sure Sam Morrell has checked in to make sure you're okay. I don't know, you're the man. I go, he has, but we all think it's disingenuous. Yeah, Matteo, a bunch of, you know what's so funny? Okay. So many, the New York comedy scene, man, these people are so, like, they all checked in. Rachel Feinstein just hit me just now. Never got one from her. I got one from Verzi. Adrian Ippolucci. Paul Verzi. That's nice. I got one from- Matteo.

Howie Mandel. Oh, that's nice. I got one from... Yeah, a lot of my New York comic friends. Dylan and I were talking too because I wanted what Tim was up to. Dan Soder, the dog. Did you get one from Rosebud? Yeah, of course. Rosie and I were talking. And Andy. Sigura? Yeah, talked to Tom. Ronnie Chang? Huh? Ronnie Chang. No, thank you. I got a Ronnie Chang. No, thank you. Yeah, that was a no thank you. I actually blocked him, I think. Thank God for Ronnie Chang. Yeah, I didn't get a lot.

No, I didn't get, it's not that I got a clue. Yeah, yeah. It's just nice that- Who else? Sam Morrell. I'm going to text him right now. No, no, no. Don't do that. Why? Because he's not allowed to have his phone at this hour. I'm going to go, Sam Morrell. Can you imagine? Yeah. Dude, my favorite text though I got was from a Chicago friend because I'm going to Chicago in the morning. My buddy in Chicago. Hey man, are you okay? Yeah, we're okay, man. Thank you. Cool. Can I get a ticket for tomorrow's show? No. Yeah, you got it. Where are you going tomorrow? I'm going to Chicago.

Wow. Playing in the Chicago Theater. Oh, this weekend? Saturday, yeah. Wow. Big, big, big moment. Big moment, dude. Sold out, I heard. It's sold out. Yeah, yeah. It's a big thing for me, man. It's like going home, it does something to me. I can't explain how much I appreciate it. It's incredible. What are you talking about? No, it just shocks my soul that people will come out like that. It's just nuts. It's awesome. I'm genuinely so like, Jesus Christ, crazy. Well, you deserve it. When I was a kid, no, I'm saying when I was a kid, dude, we went to go see, like my mother took, my grandmother wanted to go see Phantom of the Opera.

And she was like, we're going to go. We're going to Chicago Theater. Like it was a big deal. Like I had to fucking dress up. Oh, wow. But now we go there. What is that about? Penis jokes. What is the Phantom of the Opera about? I know. I've seen the posters. That's what it's about. Christine! What is Phantom of the Opera? It's a dark, twisted tale of a...

You would love it, dude. It's right up your alley. Oh, yeah. I love Dark and Twisted. Tell me what it's about. Give me a general premise. It's like a physical reject who falls in love with this woman. And he tries to... Look, then he's got to cover up his face because his face is all fucked up. And he's in love with this woman, but she's with another man and he's trying to get her back into his good graces. What happened to his face? Acid. No. Acid. He went over to Saudi Arabia, made a couple of... He was pro-gay rights. No, no, no.

That's what it's about? Yeah. Whoa. No, that's right. They threw acid because he had a black girlfriend. Wow. Did not like that in Saudi. Is there really a black woman in it? Or they just cast? What do you mean they cast? What?

Do you mean was there originally black cast members? Well, I just see that photo right now and there's a black woman. I don't care if there is. Sounds like you do. No, I'm just, it's curious. Is it set in the South? Yeah. Is that racist? It's set in Alabama. Okay, so it's a... Christine, you better come back to my cave. No. Look, look this up. I think it's the longest running musical in... I think it's the longest running musical in American history. Maybe it's not.

What's number one? Phantom. It is. Wow. 13,000 performances. It beat Chicago after it got revived. I saw Lion King. That was fun.

What about Wicked? Do you see Wicked in theaters? Do you see it? Hold Space. Do you see the movie? Come on, bro. I have zero interest in that. Yeah, I downloaded it. I just can't get myself to watch it. Why would I watch that? You know what I did watch that I loved? Squid Games. Oh my God. You love it? I love it. It's so good. I'm being real. I thought it was going to be bad because I was like, the first was so good. This series is going to be bad. Did you guys see it? Oh yeah. It's so good. You didn't watch it? It's so good. It's so good. Wait, wait, but time out. Let me go back. We'll get back to Squid Games. Okay.

Okay, what do you want? I watched, and I know I think it's from last year or the year before, but I was catching up on How To with John Wilson on HBO. That guy's so brilliant, and I mean it. He's so... What, you don't like it? Remember when you tried to turn me off a couple of episodes? I didn't like it. Buddy, it's so good. It's such brilliant comedy, man. He's so fucking funny. I don't know what it is.

Why don't you lie? You don't get his shit? I don't get it. Here's what it is. It's an alternative subversive look at the world of New York through this artist lens. You're such an artsy guy. I can't believe you don't like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go back to Squid. Okay, Squid Game. Squid Games. Yeah. Once, I'm genuinely, I'm saying this from the bottom of my heart. Once again, the fucking Asian community makes another banger. Korean. Korean.

Okay, more specific. I said Asian. But here's my problem. Why can't American fucking shows do a second run and it's just as good as the first? Why? Why can't we do that? We fuck up all the time. You mean like do a better second season? Yes, we don't do. We almost. Well, I mean, Severance's should be good when it comes out.

I hope. I mean, the first was so good. Well, who the fuck knows? Who knows? Yeah. 100% season two. Got 100% Rotten Tomatoes? On Severance? Yes. You saw it already? It's out already? No, there is a post. Season one was great. I love that. Yeah. But I'm just saying, it's like American shows, they struggle a lot with coming back with another thing. Yeah, yeah. And this show, I think is, I'm not done. I think it's going to be just as good as the first. Well, the third one, you know who's in it?

You? No. How are you not in it? I'm not Korean. I don't speak Korean. Yeah, you fucking do. No, I don't. I'll be able to say, where's the bathroom and pussy. I mean, those are the only words I know. The only thing. Bibimbap, food. I've heard you say that to your mom. Yeah, yeah. Where's the bathroom, pussy? Yeah. How do you say that as one sentence? Say, where's the bathroom? Uh,

Byun-seo, Orisa, Boji. Boji's pussy. Byun-seo, Orisa, Boji? Yeah, yeah. Byun-seo, Orisa, Boji? I'm going to say that. By the way, I'm going to South Korea. You got to come with me. Okay. Do you want to go for real? Yeah, let's go. No, I'm dead serious. Yeah, I just said yes. But like, can we go-go? I want to go. Why are you going? I'm going for that golf thing that I'm doing now. I'm doing a golf show. I just got back from- I can't go to the course with you, but I'll just go. Please. I'm not going to the course. All right, let me tell you something. I know you don't care. I'm just going to inflate your ego. Yeah.

I went to go meet a bunch of people and say hi and introduce myself because it's like the beginning. In Miami? Yeah. And dude. Who's that? The amount of guys. Who? No, no, no. The amount of guys that were like. What celebrities were they? Yo. Nobody. It was their pro golfers. You don't know them. Okay. But the amount of guys that were like, yo.

I love you and Bobby. Where's Bobby? And I was like, dude, it'd be rad to bring you. Now that I know that you will go to South Korea, you have to come. I'm going to go. So the Squid Game, can I just do a real quick review? Give me your review. What's surprising about it is I was fearful about redundancy. In your mind, you're like, okay, where can they go with this? Because they got to showcase the games again, right? Yeah.

But in terms of the angle and the different kind of characters are in it, I mean, I really like the trans character in it. Yeah, she had honor. Yeah, she had honor, dude. And you know what? They do have honor in life. All of them? All of them? The ones that I know have honor. How many do you know? How many trans people do you know for real? Be real? Yeah. Two. And they both have honor. They're so honorable. They're not honorless? They're not honorless. None of them lack honor? No. Yeah. They know who they are.

They know who they are and they know what they're doing. Is that what honor is? Let's talk about A Complete Unknown too. Such a phenomenal film. It's phenomenal, but what I like about it is there was a sigh of relief once I heard Timothee Chalamet talk and sing. Right. Like when he's next to Woody in the hospital and he sings a song for Woody, right? Yeah.

And there's a part in the song where there's like a little bit of hold of a note in the song. You know what I mean? Yeah. And he was just so committed and he sounds so much like Bob. And I began to cry because I'm like, I think he got it right. You cried in the theater? Oh, yeah. Wow. That's Gene. Gene Hong would keep looking at me and I literally weeped. What's so funny? Were you crying like to look cool in front of Gene a little bit? Yeah. Because you knew he kept looking at you?

You think you crying in the theater to Bob Dylan would bring back? Magnum P.I.? Magnum P.I. Do another season, Gene. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. All right. No. Because him and I had walked out of movies before. Yeah. This one, you were. But this one, we always do a little Korean glance at each other. What? A little wink. Yeah, to see if we're going to leave. Oh. You know what I mean? So I looked at him.

And I had tears in my eyes and he was very pleased, you know? Yeah, he's proud. Proud. And so, and I used to work with this girl, Monica Barbaro. She was, um. She's so good. Yeah. She's so good. She's so good in that movie. It's unbelievable. It was so hot. And the movie is. Carlos. Carlos, come on. She's very pretty, but, um. Carlos, Carlos's commentary is always. You know what it is? Yeah, it's degrading. It's, it's, it's Howard Stern in like the, in 96. Like we say any girl, he's like, great taste.

I know. Psychic. I know. It's so fun. Yeah. She's gorgeous. Yeah. But the movie was just great. So good. Another one was gladiator too. You see it? I haven't seen it. Now, do you do the relaxed seats? Did you do the, you know, the seats that go down? No, we didn't relax. I did the unrelaxing one. See, I like to go to the, what is it called? It's just like the lounge again. Ha ha.

We're going to bring it back to the lounge. The best gaslighter I've ever met in my entire life. No, I mean, honestly. Honestly. It's impressive. It's impressive how much of a fucking gaslighter you are. It's like disgusting. Anybody can go to that theater. I like to be in the recliner seats because of my back. This is what gaslighting is, okay? You have no fucking idea. Okay, if there's a light on. You think it's Cirque du Soleil, you fucking...

If there's a light on and I tell a woman, I go, there's no light that's on. And I try to convince her that the light's on. Go get some gas. Yeah. So what I'm saying to you is that you bring up lounges and comfortable seats all the time. How is that gaslighting? What? Your argument is so fucking bad. It's unbelievable. It's shocking how many holes are in your bullshit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What are you talking about? I'd like to go to the theater to lounge. Everyone likes the fucking recliner seats. It's the best seats. Okay. They're by far the best. I don't do those. What are you talking about? Because it's not close to your house? What theater do you go to? The Grove. You go to the fucking Grove? What are you so angry about? Yes, I go to the fucking Grove, dude. You go to the Grove. Yeah. I know why you go to the Grove. Same. I know exactly why he goes there. Oh, here we go. Let's start now. It's fun!

Hey, man, what's up? Smoking a cigarette. Fuck you. There you go, dude. Fuck you. Fuck you, dude. That's not why, dude. Yes, it is. That's not why, dude. Carlos and George are not in. That's not why, dude. Yes, it fucking is. Where do I go then? Where's the relaxation?

Do you know how many theaters there are in the fucking valley that you can go to? You know where they fucking are, you liar. They're all over Burbank. Burbank has three movie theaters within a mile of one another. Yeah. And they're so close to your house. What I love about going to the movie theater. Smoking outside. That's not why. Is that Bobby Lee? That's not why, dude. You love it. You love it too.

Anyone going to a movie theater, I want to let you know. I went to go see with my mom, Nostrofto. Did you like it? I have my opinions about it. All right. Vampiric. You saw it? No. Okay. And what I love about going to the theater with my mom is she's so weird, no one approaches me.

I love your mom. My mom was laying down. Beautiful. You know when you wait in line to get popcorn? Just off to the side, she had just laid down because her back hurt. Let her be comfortable. I know. And me and my brother are just squatting next to her like, come on, get up. How about this? Come on, get up. She's like, no, no, my back, my back. And no one approaches us.

Because they think it's either a family crisis or an emergency of some sort, right? But they don't approach. If her back hurts, why don't you take her to the recliner seat theater? I'm not an elitist like you. It's so funny. Elitist. It's open to the public. It's literally just a movie theater. Anyway, so you're back good at the theater? I had epidurals. It feels so much better now. I had an epidural put in my back. I'm going to have another one.

I got to have another one put in my fucking head. Did you see Northrop too? Yeah, I loved it. You did? Yeah, it was awesome. I watched a disturbing movie in my last movie of the flight last night. What was it called? Called A Simple Man. The Simple Man or A Simple Man. It's old. It's an old movie. Coen Brothers? Yeah. A Simple Plan. No, Simple Man, I thought. Yeah. A Simple Man is a Coen Brothers. Yeah, that's right. Stephen Park's in that. Yeah, it was really fucking tough. It's hard to watch? It just makes you fucking sad.

Is it like falling down? A serious man. I apologize. I'm serious, man. I'm sorry. Yeah. It's really hard to watch. It like hurts your heart. It's about a man who, what's going on with him? Well, it starts with like a Jewish parable at the beginning and then it goes into this man's life in the 60s, I believe, 50s or 60s. And-

His, his, I mean, everyone shits on this guy. He's a professor at a university. It's literally no respect. And his wife is like leaving him for their fucking neighbor. Who's like a buddy who like comes over and he's like, you know, we're, we're thinking about, we're thinking about you moving out of the house and me movie. Like, and he's taking it all on the fucking chin. It's really, what does Steven Park play in it? He's Korean. He's, he's a, I think he's the student. One of the students. Okay. It's just a dark, look, it's beautifully done, but man, it was hard to watch. He always, the dad, he's the dad of the student. That's right. That's Steve. Okay.

Wow. It was just one of those movies where you're like, it's- But does he snap? Look at that. He's hugging his wife's lover. What? Does he snap? You can watch the movie. I bet you could figure it out. So it's like falling down. I thought that movie was- Falling down. Dark. Very dark. Very dark. But this is dark in a way that's like, it's shot in such bright, beautiful colors. I mean, bright, beautiful for the time period that it looks happy, but it feels fucking atrocious.

And he's trying to get tenure and nobody wants him to get tenure. Life is hard, huh? It's a guy that like, yeah, you're surprised he doesn't jump. Yeah. I thought Falling Down was the best representation of Los Angeles I've ever seen. Better than like Swingers?

Because swingers to me. Yeah, because there was a scene where he's going on an off-ramp on the 101 or whatever. Yeah, I love that. It's so traffic-y and just- He runs on a golf course. The tone of it, it just looks like LA to me. No, well, I mean, very much. It feels like LA to me. You can just track where he's walking in LA. Exactly. You know exactly where those places are. Well, what about, what's wrong with me? Pacino. Yeah, what about Heat?

That too, yeah. Heat's so Los Angeles. I mean, like, in fact, in Heat, sometimes when I rewatch that movie, I see the underpasses they're shooting at, and I'm like, I know, I used to drive under there all the time. 110 and the... Yeah, like, it's such a great, like... Like, you see Santa Monica and Western make that kind of LA, where it's like, it doesn't, you can't really see that in movies. It's sort of like, it kind of looks like Mexico. Yeah, it looks like when you go to, it looks like when you go down to Mexico, it looks, it looks...

Very like, what is it called? Barrios. Barrios. Barrios. I don't even know what I'm saying. You get a mixture of a lot of Hispanics. And then you also get a mixture of like tourists that kind of made the wrong turn. Chinese tourists. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Hey, bro, you're in the wrong fucker hood. Can I take your picture? Yeah. Pose dog. That LA is dead, by the way. That LA is dead, you mean? The LA as we know it is dead. Why? This is a red alert, red alert.

After the pandemic and the fires and the strike, fucking LA, we got to go. I hate to say it to you, buddy, but it's happening. No, no, no, it's happening. 100%. We're leaving. Where are we going? I don't give a fuck. But we're leaving. We're leaving. We got to go, dude. What are we doing anymore? Because us, me, you, and Tim Dillon were talking about like we have to stay. I know. We said the exact opposite on the show. That's the best part about podcast. Yeah, we have to be the last one standing. We should stay. I don't want to.

Yeah, but Gavin Newsom and fucking Karen Bass and all the bullshit of this fucking city and it's never going to get rebuilt. Right. And they can't get Hollywood to stay. What are we doing? Yeah, they fucked us up. By the way, I listen to Adam Carolla this morning talking about because he just this guy has he's grew up in Los Angeles. He's lived here his whole life. He was talking about how good luck rebuilding Malibu. These people are going to have to fucking try to get permits. Good luck.

Why? Good fucking luck. Because it's going to be a billion people trying to get permits from the city of LA. And this city is insane with building permits. It's crazy. There's a million rules and restrictions. There's so much regulation in Los Angeles. It's going to take them forever. But what if I had a house that burned down? I have to get a building permit to rebuild my house? Of course you do. And you have to get a million different kinds of them. Wow. And never mind that. Talk about all the insurance companies that fucked over all those people. They're never going to rebuild. Even if they do, it's going to take three years before the Palisades even exists anymore. Wow.

Wow. The whole city is fucked. Yeah. What are they going to do with these stars and stuff? It's not just stars, dude. I mean regular people too. Altadena. Altadena.

Cut that out. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cut that out. No, leave it in. Fuck you. Cut that out. Cut that out. No, no, no. Please. It came out wrong. It came out wrong. And that's why it has to stay in. No, all people. No, all people. Altadena. Keep it in. He will. Don't keep it in. No, I keep it in. I'm scared. It's fun. Stop. Please. Shut up. Yeah, you shut up, dude. Let them know who you are. No, I don't know who I am. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a good guy. No, Altadena. Altadena. Altadena's like a...

A regular working class neighborhood. I'm sure there's some nice house there, but it fucked up a lot of people, man.

That was the misinformation of the news. People were like, this is just superstars. You're like, dude, it's fucking 30,000 acres. Exactly. That's so many people. What do you mean? And it's probably, look at the total acreage that's been burnt in Los Angeles County. And by the way, we're doing this podcast while it's happening. More than Manhattan. It's bigger than Manhattan is burnt. Wow. And we're doing this while it's on fire still right now. Yeah. People at home. Just the Palisades is over. 17,000, just the Palisades. Also, can they do this? I called you two hours ago, right? Wow. Yeah. Yeah.

So they did a...

evacuation alert on everyone's phone. Two hours. Did you get that? On accident, yeah. On accident, though. Don't do that. Don't do that. Who's the guy like, watch this, John. Beep. You know what I mean? And then the fucking, like, who's in charge of that? One idiot. Sitting in a room being like, oh, shit. I hit it. That scared the shit out of me. But imagine if you and I had that, we'd be like, do it. Oh, my God. Don't do it. You'd get fired. Yeah, right away. Yeah. You know how many fucking, what are they called? Amber alerts I just let out? But I would do amber alert for one of our friend's cars. Mm-hmm.

Do you know what I mean? Someone's car that we know at the comedy store. Yeah, yeah, yeah. ShipStation. You guys, we all have an online business. Do you have one, I mean? We do. And we use ShipStation because we only use the best. Life in general can be chaotic, but if you're in charge of order fulfillment for an e-commerce business, you know that's its own special kind of chaos. But with ShipStation, you can count on your day-to-day remaining calm.

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We have a special guest. Is he here? I thought you said he's here. Oh. Who's coming? It's a surprise. Now I want to know. It's a surprise. It's a fun surprise. It's a surprise for you? No, it's in the room. Wait, how do you know? Why do I have to be surprised? Why can't you be surprised? Well, if you did any organization for this show whatsoever, then you could. Yeah, but I don't want the surprise. If you're not going to get a surprise. No, you're CC'd on all the emails, Bob. You literally are CC'd on everything. Okay, I'm going to look at it now then. God. Which email? I'm CC'd in it.

It's Amazon. It says Dermacon. What's Dermacon? Is that a pimple? It's for my nails. I have High Street Beast. What's High Street Beast? Clothing. Sick. Oh, shit. Yeah, sit down. What a prince. What a prince.

Prince. Look at the prince here, dude. Blesses us. Yeah. What happened to your glasses? It's gone. Why? Korean doctor helped me out. Oh, really? Yeah, man. Yeah. Dr. Paul Lee, shout out, you know? Yeah. Shout out Paul Lee. You want to wear the cans or do you need them? I don't think I need them. I can wear you guys just fine. Or are you guys playing clips and stuff? No. No, no, no, no. Oh, okay. This isn't your mom's house. As you got successful, your skin cleared up.

Really? Did I have bad skin? No, but before, like you almost have perfect skin now. That is so weird. Uh, that you look happier. Maybe that's what it is. No, there's something about your fucking skin, dude. Really? I, I swear I can see the flaws now. Uh,

Really? Yeah. I thought I used to have perfect skin and now I'm stressed, you know? Yeah. What are you stressed about? Just stuff, life. Why? You know? You're killing it. You got a baby? No, no baby. Well, then what are you stressed about? You're married. No, I'm not married. You're not married. You don't have a baby. What do you give a shit? This is how good Jimmy is doing. This is how good Jimmy is doing. And I want to be honest with you.

Your ex-girlfriends are girls I couldn't even get, I don't think. No, come on, Bobby. I see girls. No, no, no. That's the fucking truth. Let's talk truth and let's talk gospel. Let's talk gospel and truth, babe. Right. Thank you. I appreciate that, first of all. What I'm saying to you is that the girls, I've seen your ex-girlfriends. Do it like the gospel. Do it in gospel tone. Give me an example. Have seen your ex-girlfriends. Oh, yeah. I've seen.

Here we go. I've seen your ex-white girlfriend. And they come from the depths of the earth within each other. And the prince of Korea has come with his clear skin and his eyes are purple white.

I appreciate this. This makes me feel good about myself, Bobby. I wasn't expecting this coming in here. You're killing it. No, I appreciate it. But I see your presence whenever Bobby steps into a room. There's a presence. I have no presence, dude. He sits down on a couch and people just line up and gather around him. There's an aura around him. There's an aura. Brother? That's not true because the last party I saw you at, who was the aura? You. You were the aura. No, man. No, man. I'll tell you why. No, man. I'll tell you why. You're the aura.

My young man I'll tell you why Alright It's because we went to Awkwafina's New Year's party That's true Preach Right And I came late He came late I came late with a woman He was like the headliner coming No I'm not gonna do the voice We walk in Who's on the dance floor?

Was it me dancing? You were dancing like a little butterfly. I was trying. Okay. Like a little Korean butterfly. Right. And, and you were the flame. We were the moths. No, no. That's not how I saw it. Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy complimented me. Let me, let me, let me start. Right. And I remember me, Jean, Dom, we all went to you. You didn't come to us.

We came to you on the dance floor. We took a photo with you on the dance floor, which means you're the light, right? And we're the moth. Yeah. That sounds like it. That's interesting. That's how you saw it. Because how I saw it was you arrived. Yeah. And then you were... Like, there's a beautiful woman next to you. Yeah.

And she was very doting. And every time I'll talk to you or like, you know, I'll talk to her. She was like, I got to go. Bobby's right there. I got to take care of him. You were like the king. She's my concubine. Yeah, there you go. Boom. That's it. Were there any whites at the party? There's some whites. He's always with the whites. What is up with you and the whites? As of late. He loves the whites. As of late. I don't know. He loves the whites. Yeah, yeah, yeah. None.

no, no. I'm into authenticity. I dated black girls, Asian girls, you know, white girls. I think that my ex-girlfriend was very white. Yeah. So I think people just assume that. But also, I don't know, like growing up in Hong Kong when everyone was Asian, like white people was exotic to me. Like how white guys here obsess over Asian girls because it's exotic. Certain kinds of white guys. Yeah. You know. Weirdo white guys too. Yeah, yeah. Creepy white. Like George.

Yeah. Yeah. Take one look at that guy. Tell me his wife is Asian. For sure. 100%. He likes Asian chicks. Yeah, 100%. For sure. It's a kind of white guy that's obsessed with it. Now, I find Asian women beautiful, but there's a certain kind of white guy that obsesses over Asian women. Yeah. He is? He does? Oh, my God. No, but okay. I'm going to ask you a question. There you go. Mark Zuckerberg.

Yeah, yeah. She plays the violin. She's a violinist, I think. Yeah. It's always fucking weirdo white guys, dude. It's always white girls on Raya that I match with. You know what it always says? What? In common with Jimmy O. Yang. Oh, come on, man. It says it right there. I see it. Come on. Damn, dude. Do you know her? I do not know her. Come closer. You do know her. He does. I do know her.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me see. What? Let me see his girl. Ex-girlfriend? No, no, no, no, no. Okay. How do I see her photos? Oh, sure. That's hilarious. Wait, Bobby, did you talk to her? Well, I forgot to read the Jimmy Yang part, so I did say hi. This is how you know she loves Asian guys. Bruce Lee is one of her profile photos. I know. Oh!

Bruce Lee is one of her profiles. That's a good tale. That's like you in. And Jackie Chan. I know. I understand that. I'm not exaggerating. I swear to God it is. But this is what I find. Because I want to say this. One time I saw you. Damn, you look good, dude. What? Me? Wow. Hot guy. Let me look. Let me look.

Fucking hot, dude. Hot, dude. So one time you were at the improv, this was years ago, and you had a girlfriend, right? Uh-huh. She dressed in an Asian thing. She was a white girl. Really? Yeah, and then she also had, her purse had like pearls in it, but it looked like, you know, the green jadey, you know what I mean? It looked like an Asian bag. For real? Yeah, so I'm wondering, with this girl, I think you're the influence. Oh.

Once they meet you, they become more Asian. And then now, you mean it opens them up to our market? You know what? Let's put that out there. She was already predisposed to Asian, dude. Jimmy is the once you go black. Jimmy's the once you go Asian, you bang Bobby Lee also. Once you go yellow, you find yourself another Asian fellow. I think that's what it is.

That's right. That's it. You're the opening. But I felt that too where I've like gated a white girl and then you go to their house and you go, oh yeah, they're prone to us. Yes, yes, yes. They're aware. There's like a poster of like Mulan or something. Naruto, anime. Yeah, and then there's like a lot of bamboo and bonsai trees. Those Chinese stress balls. Yeah, those stress bars. George has those at his dinner table. What's wrong?

It's a different time, though. I feel like now with so much representation, like with Squid Games, BTS, everything. Too much. Who isn't into Asians? Like, I wish I grew up like I went to high school and middle school now. I think it would be a different game. But Jimmy, some of them are not. And you've seen them, have you not? I think so. I think so. They just won't. They won't do it. What are you talking about? Some white girls, they just won't cross that line. Some girls in general are just not interested.

I'm saying it's like a, you're making it. I just don't like the way you said it though. Yeah, why did you say it like that? Some women aren't interested, period. It has nothing to do with you being Asian. They're just not interested. They're not interested in my type. Your type is not because you're Asian. Your type is specific. You know. Hey, so is my type. Wait, wait, wait. My type, wait, wait. My type, wait. Are you fucking telling me. What? That you and I are on two completely different categories? Yes.

Yeah, so tell me what the category I'm in. Andrew, Andrew, it's the Carlos, somebody, third-person point of view. Here's what I would say. Yeah. Jimmy is a starter on Arsenal, and you're in the locker room, and you're there, and you're cheering on the boys, and you're on the team, but you're not on a midfield.

By the way, this is- Is that what you're saying, Jim? He's a superstar. That's not what I was saying. He's a superstar. That's not what I was saying. The kid's a fucking superstar. No, come on, guys. We know he is. 100% he is. He is. What are you guys doing better than me? What are you guys talking about? That's not true at all. You own your own studio. You own podcasts. You have staff. You have staff of white people. Well, first of all, he's actually half Mexican, so we got points for him. Carlos, I heard about you, man. One of my best friends, PJ, a big fan of the podcast, says you like glory holes. He loves-

That's the glory hole king, baby. It's getting around, right? Yeah. I'm glad it's getting around. Yeah. And you know what? Honestly, let's squash this now. Your appeal for women is just different than yours. You get plenty of beautiful women. They're just different kinds of women. I get it. I've accepted it. Right. I'm not fighting against the- Because I've seen beautiful women with you. Yeah, no, but what I'm saying is that I have to say that he's still in a different category.

Yep, so are Carlos and I. But when we get casted, we're in the same category. That's my problem. No one's casting you guys in the same. You guys are no fucking... So I was up for the Joe Coy part. Did you do that part? Well, I produced that movie. Easter Sunday. It's his fucking movie. Which part? The one Asif Ali ended up playing? What? The bad guy part. No, there was a part that he said he had written for me that I got offered. I couldn't do it because I was doing Borderlands.

Oh, I think there was a part. Yeah. I don't know. It wasn't my part. Okay. Because my part, I couldn't do another part. So I was like, I'll come for that. Okay. But I've also been in other situations where Jimmy O. Yang got the part and I didn't get it. But that's just because it's... But it was for the same part was I'm saying that he beats me out. They just want to see how... So if we're in the same category when it comes to... I think that's a very broad... Like it's not...

It's Hollywood's issue that at times we're in the same category. Because if Santino and who will be, I don't know, another white guy, that would be totally a different guy. Me and Anthony Jeselnik aren't going to go off for the same fucking role. Yeah, exactly. You and Patton Oswalt could go off for different roles, but you guys are very different people. Or you and...

Ryan Gosling could go off with him. I'm not saying you're, you know, I'm just saying. Yeah. No, you're right. They're all very different people. And sometimes it's just people are dumb. Like the category could also just be Asian funny guys or whatever, right? Like, or whatever. It's different. You okay, Bobby? He's a little shocked. He's a little stunned. He got a little hit. He got a little hit. Took a hit. I'm good. I'll agree with you. Well, also. No, no, stop, stop. Well, you're also different in age. I mean, Jimmy's 37 years old.

And also Korean and Chinese are very different, you know? Well, that part I don't know about. I understand that. I understand that. I know we're different. Yeah, he's Chinese. You're right. Do you know what I mean? I take that back. Thank you. I'm older. Also, be nice to the Chinese. I love the Chinese. Just be nice. What? I love that stuff. Just be nice.

Okay. Because he gets on his little high horse and he doesn't... Oh, you think that I... What's the high horse? He starts spouting hatred about China. He'll do it. He'll just crack one open and start flying off the handle. I mean, you guys don't know how to wait in line. See? Ha ha!

How do what? Wait in line. We talked about it earlier. You guys don't even know how to wait in line. Like in mainland China somewhere. Everywhere. Oh, no, here. Everywhere. Baskin Robbins. It doesn't matter where it is. Chinese be skipping lines, dude. Oh, for real? Yeah. Chinese be skipping. I mean, you guys are the ones that we go, oh, my God, there they go again. I can't support that stereotype. Maybe in certain parts of China. No, they'd be skipping. Chinese people skipping line. Do skipping in line. Skipping line. Look at all those people skipping in line. They're all skipping somebody.

Or what are your qualms about Chinese? My qualms? Yeah. Is that a Chinese word? What's qualms? Is that a real word? Yeah, qualms is good. Yeah, yeah. My issues. What are your issues about Chinese? Do you have any? What's my qualm with Chinese? People?

Anything about it, the culture. Let's start with the food. Okay, how about this? I can't do that. Chinese food is really good. It's good. I like it a lot. I really like Chinese food. Yeah, but what's with this Cantonese stuff and Szechuan? You know what I mean? Like pick one thing, you know what I mean? Szechuan, love Szechuan. What do you mean, hotter the better? I think...

Chinese is hard to, Chinese food is hard because I really love that. Yeah. But when it's bad, it's bad. How about this one? The language we've talked about, the language is harsh. It's sharp. It stings. Well, which one? There's also a lot. Well, Mandarin. Okay. What's the one that you are? I can speak a few, but. That's fucking arrogant. I'm not saying that. No, no. Cause I grew up like, I grew up in Hong Kong, but my parents speak Shanghainese. Okay. So if I'm in Hong Kong, let me. Cantonese will be in Hong Kong. Cantonese. Yeah. Say something in Cantonese. I'm going to see if it's harsh. Uh,

How about this? Say, hey, you guys, save me a seat when you get to the restaurant in that world. See, it's like, Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, that's a lot. All right. It's like a machine gun going off. Yeah. Now listen in Korean, save me a seat when you get there. What? In Korean, save me a seat. I don't know how to say that. Make it up, fuckhead. Oh.

Very nice. I'm going to say it. No, he's saying it very softly. That's bullshit. That's bullshit. He's like, I have never heard that tone on a Switch game. That's how they talk. That's how we talk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On a Switch game, they're on the run for their life. They have to be yelling. Give me the Korean. Let's hear it.

That's Korean. Here we go. Pretty similar. Yeah, that's what's weird. Do they have Cantonese? They might not have Cantonese. Let's hear the Cantonese. They just put Mandarin in it. Oh, there you go. It's Cantonese. Let's hear it. That's new. They don't have it. God bless. Because they can't get a voiceover guy that has a harsh...

Go Mandarin. No. Just do Chinese traditional. Let's go Chinese. M-A-N. M-A-N. Simplify. There you go. Traditional and simplified. There you go. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow

I don't think he's fighting Tai Chi. It's an exercise. Yeah, dude. How is this a martial arts, dude? There's no way to do it. See, that's the opposite aggressive. That is true. There's no Asians more aggressive than Koreans, I think. I don't care how long. Koreans will kick your ass. Yes, they will. For good or for bad. Don't ever forget that. I don't fuck with you, Bobby. Yeah, don't fuck with me, okay? What about Japanese, though? Japanese got some wild motherfuckers.

I don't know a lot. There's not a lot of like authentic Japanese people in LA. I feel like I like Japan. I like to say about Japanese that they don't want to live in LA. That's interesting because there's a lot of Korean and a lot of Chinese here, but not a lot of Japanese. Yeah. Why not? I don't know. You think it's a superiority thing? Because a lot of he always says they have a superiority complex. I never said that. Yeah, you do. You said that. That's insane. What do you mean? We have that on tape. Yeah.

Yeah, you say they think they're the best. You say that all the time. They are the best. Okay, what the fuck? What are we saying then? I just said what you said. Okay. You said they have a superiority complex. They think they're complex. That was a legitimate accident. But don't you think that they're perceived as the best or no? What do you think, Jimmy? I think it's because they project that is what I'm saying.

I think they run their country very well. There's good food. There's a good sense of respect there. There's a high speed railway. That's a very good one. You know, I think logically they're doing pretty good. I'm a big fan of Japan. Yeah. Big fan of Japan. By the way, I'm going to Hong Kong for the first time. You are?

Are you touring there? No, I'm doing like a new show that I'm doing. So I'm going to go there for a couple of days. Is that when you're going to go to Korea? That same time? We're going to go to Korea right after. Okay. Yeah. Oh, that's, wait, what kind of show is this? Like a travel show? No, it's like, there's like an alternative golf league and I'm starting like a little show that I'm doing with them where I'm talking, like a walk and talk with players and we just goof around and get like a glimpse of their life. That's the dream. I do. It's a big dream for him. For me, it actually genuinely is. Do you play golf?

I can't. Me either. I don't have the patience. Me either, dude. I'm too angry. Two Chinese. Yeah, two Chinese. Two Chinese. Two Korean, two Chinese. You think you could beat me in ping pong? Probably. That's you guys' golf. You know, well... Ping pong is Asian golf.

Ping pong is a weird thing because, first of all, people assume I'm good at ping pong. And I used to be really good. Okay. Because I trained when I was a child in Hong Kong. But now it's really shameful because I haven't played in so long. People assume I'm good and I'm actually not good. I can't look good playing it. But you just said that you could beat me even though you're not good. Go fuck yourself. No, if I, you know. I can beat you. Yeah, okay. By the way, by the way, he crossed his legs so eloquently as he said, yeah, I probably could beat

chair this is a very uncomfortable chair what do you guys want me to do i know okay because i was leaned up i don't want your audience to be like oh he seems uncomfortable you know that's right jack black sat on that chair a lot of famous people a lot of famous people sat on that chair wow machine gun kelly sat on that chair the pink one right yeah pink one oh sorry about that stay in the blue one then yeah that one's in the blue one yeah yeah um how's how's uh how's your show by the way everyone seems to absolutely love your show and tear china town yeah yeah man uh

It was awesome. I think from what I hear, they haven't shared the numbers with us, but from what I hear, people are really liking it. Chloe Bennett's on that? Chloe Bennett, Ronnie Chang's on it. And our good friend, Lisa Gilroy, who we love so very much. She is amazing, right? Number one, dude. Yeah. Chloe Bennett, look at that. Ronnie Chang, we love us some Ronnie Chang. And that's Alan. Is that Alan? No, that's Charles Yu. Oh, I couldn't see. Zoom in. He wrote the book, and he's a showrunner, and that's Taika.

That guy's great. That guy's awesome. That's great. Good for you, dude. This is amazing. It's huge. It's on Hulu, right? Yeah, it's on Hulu. Amazing. We love Hulu. We love Hulu. We got specials coming out on Hulu. Oh, really? Both of yous? Yeah. Oh, maybe I should do one. Wait, Bobby, I thought the first piece of advice Bobby told me when I was coming up, he was like, don't ever do a stand-up special. Save your material and then you can tour with the same material in colleges for 20 years. What?

30. Yeah? 30. Yo, that was sound advice. You know, he's like, why would you want to do a special? And then now you have to write a whole new hour. I took that to heart, man.

You did one. You didn't go by my fucking suggestion. You've done a few. I seriously, I swear, like when I said, okay, I'll do one and I'll quit. And I said, I'll do my second one for this amount of money and I'll quit. Then, you know, it's just too fun, man. This is what we do. There's so much fun. Bobby, this is your...

Well, how many specials have you done now? None. So this is your first one. This is huge. Yes. Yeah, it's a big deal. This is huge. It's just, okay. Yeah. Wow. When is it coming out? We don't know yet. Okay. Wait, what did we do? We filmed it at the end of this year. I can't believe that I gave you that suggestion. It's sound advice. Yeah, but you didn't go with advice. Only 10 years later. Yeah, yeah. Him going against your advice worked out pretty well for him. I think we did it when you were in, I remember the day. It was when I was living in the apartment on Beachwood.

When I did Tiger Belly. Yeah, yeah. That's when I gave you the advice. I don't remember now. The Beachwood days. Where are you living now? You're still in Los Angeles, aren't you? Yeah. Is your house okay? Yeah, yeah. Were you scared last night? I was. I went to K-Town. And they didn't evacuate my place. But I'm like, dude, let me just go to the hotel in K-Town, grab all my stuff. Yeah. What are you going to do, man? Are you going to stay in LA? You know what I like? I like Vancouver.

I've shot a couple things in Vancouver. It's really nice. Great Chinese food. It's so expensive. But I mean, it's expensive anywhere. No.

No, you're not in fucking Idaho. Right. Montana. Right. But see, these are places great for you. Like, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what, Jimmy? Good, thank you. I think it's good for you. And back in the day, this whole country was great for people like me. And then we let you guys in. Yeah. Because everyone's like, why don't you move to Texas? Why don't you move to Nashville? Whatever. I'm like, that's not.

But Texas is great for me. It's okay for you. No, no, it's fine. You kill in Texas. I like it. Just like I like it here. I can assimilate. I can make all kinds of... All my friends are different ethnicities, but Vancouver, I just felt like home. I felt like Hong Kong. It's very Chinese. It's like Asian majority. And I felt there's a weird...

familiarity and safeness and the food just makes sense to me there. Yeah. Canada's great, man. Here's the thing about whites anywhere else, okay? It's not that they have hatred. It's that they don't see people like us often.

Like when I was in Butte, Montana shooting that movie. Yeah. I was at an AA meeting. Okay. And some guy was pouring coffee in people's glasses. The guy came up to me and goes, hey man, sorry we don't have any green tea. That's a very accommodating way. Right. And I go, I drink coffee too, man.

You know what I mean? We know, but what happens when you do drink coffee? Don't you guys turn... You guys are all... All the time, man. I don't want you kung fuing. Don't be kung fuing. It's somebody that isn't around us that often and then they just want to be nice. That's right. But it comes out a little racist, but I don't mind that. It's just people are just trying to acclimate themselves to us. Yeah, it's not malicious. It's not malicious. I don't feel bad after that happens, but I feel like...

Could I really be friends with this man? Maybe. Maybe. It'll be hard. It'll be an uphill battle. Well, we're leaving. We're moving. We're not moving. Bob and I are moving. Where are you guys going? We figured, how can we get the most central in the United States? And it's Missouri. We're going to Missouri. It's the most central state in the United States. So we're going to Missouri. I'll go to Las Vegas. That's it. Let's go. You'll move to Las Vegas. 100%. Let's go. Yeah. Tax-free.

Dude, fuck this place. Let's get the fire. Let's go to Vegas. I think it'd be better, huh? Let's do it. How about this? I'll do this. Keep our houses here. Nah, fuck this place. Let's get out. I love my house. Keep your house. Are you guys safe? The house good? Yeah, we're good. We're good. Yeah, yeah. He's lucky. The fire was right near him.

Yeah, we're very lucky. You guys are in the hills. It's different for you guys are threatened all the time. Us in the flats, we're not that, we're not threatened as much. If I call, this is new. If I call Asians, my Asian sister's sisters. No. No. What I'm asking you is what's the problem? I'll pull for more. Well, I'll tell you.

That is a black cultural nickname for black women. Sisters. You don't do that. You guys don't do that. Can I say brothers then? Absolutely not. Well, you can say like in Korean, isn't it hyung? Yeah, hyung. Say something like and like gege, meimei, you know, in Mandarin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe we got to bring that back. No. Oh, so we can't. Oh, you can't even. We can't even. We can't even reference our Asian brothers.

friends female female friends as anything remotely sister or anything like that no and let me tell you something pal you want to do that in vancouver you can't but here in my country yeah no i think it's just a it's a black cultural thing that when i hear somebody non-black go like uh like my sisters or brothers i'm always like no don't do that that's a black thing dude that's theirs

Are you going to take more stuff from black people? But no, but like Hogan is like brother, you know, like there's a white people. Tell me about Hogan brother. Yeah, brother. It's because he does it with, well, he's also said the N word a few times on tape. They have him. Yeah. They caught him. Right. No, you know what it is? It's, it's, um, it's just, I can't have Asians do it again. That's what I'm saying. Can't have him do it again. You guys did it with black lives matter. You overtook them. You did a, you did stop Asian hate.

You remember. Two different incidents. Don't even start it. Exactly. Black Lives Matter was humming along. They were moved. That train was chugging along. And then here comes Stop Asian Hate. Yeah, okay. Stopped it right in its tracks. Okay. You remember. And everyone forgot about it. Yeah, yeah. All right. So...

Well, Jimmy and I, when we go back to the meeting. Yeah, when you go back. We have our meeting once a month. Yeah. You know what I mean? And, you know, Stephen, you, everyone goes. Yeah. And we have some of our, can I call them sisters now? But like, like Awkwafina, one of our sisters, we're going to change the lingo. That's the lingo now. Just give it. We'll come up with a new word. At the meeting, we'll come up with a new one. Give it an Asian word. We'll give it a word. Um.

What was the thing you said in Mandarin? Uh, uh, Mei Mei is, uh, like little sister. And then, uh, Kuka is older brother. You know, there's different. Yeah. Your Mei Mei's and your Kuka's. That sounded, that sounded kind of cool. Chinese. Yeah. Well then be Chinese, bud. You're going to be sick.

Oh, you know what, dude? I'll be Chinese. Yeah. Yeah, because I don't want to steal any more work. Or you can be, you can be young. Young. Okay, good. You are young. But now what you're saying, Jimmy, is we have to memorize every fucking Japanese, what fucking brother and sister means. I'm not going to do all that. You're not hanging out with Japanese people. We already talked about this. Okay. Or Vietnamese. What's a Vietnamese person? You're not hanging out with them either. I am. No, you're not. For you, it's Korean, Chinese, Filipino. Those are the three.

I don't know what you're doing right now, but I don't like it. It's working. I don't like it. Let's go backwards. Let's go backwards. Obviously, you can call them sisters. I'm fucking joking. Jesus Christ. What show are we on? But the South Asian hate thing was funny. That was good. That was good. It's fucking funny, dude. Yeah. Well, let me say this.

Jimmy O. Yang is the best. Probably one of the greatest comedian friends, actors, performers, souls in the comedy business. We love you so very much. You're so, so, so nice. I think you're one of the greatest out there. Known you for a long time. Funny dude. Great dude.

You seem to not really miss a stride. You're pretty good. Thanks. You're pretty good, man. And you guys, man. I tell Bobby this every time, bro. I fucking look up to this guy. Don't. Ever since I was young. My dad was about to buy a ticket to the improv.

On a night that I wasn't going to be there, but you were there. He was like, I'm going to go watch my hero, Bobby Lee. I want to meet your dad. Yeah. Well, are you coming to the show at the forum? Yeah, I am. Yes, please. When is that? Oh, you're playing the forum? Yeah. Yeah. And he asked me to do a little set. February 28th. Are we going to... I would invite... I love you, but I'm trying to make it like an Asian thing for my brothers. Oh, I don't... I'm sorry. For your mungs and your pickpockets. Oh, is there...

Are there other Asians you asked to be on it? Who else is on it? Yeah. Do you, I don't want to give away the whole lineup, but I'll tell you later. So let's, let's promote some of the things, Jimmy said, Jimmy, do, um, what do you, um, you see, you have the TV show on Hulu, interior Chinatown on, um, he's going to be the forum you're playing. Yeah. The forum, uh, LA February 28th. Yeah. I might be doing it. Yeah. Yeah. Number three. Um, uh, what else? Your Instagram handle? What is it? Uh,

It's Jimmy O. Yang. Jimmy O. Yang? Yeah. And please support our brother here. He's one of the best. I've always loved him. He's one of the greatest. So go see him. If you're in LA, come see him at the Forum February 28th. JimmyOYang.com. JimmyOYang.com. JimmyComedy.com. I own many websites. I own...

Plenty of fish sauce dot com I own Celeb dick size dot com They all just redirect to my site Yeah Awesome So Chinese of you So advantageous We're gonna buy all the website It's brilliant Do you ever get One last question if I may Please Wrap it up Have you ever had a white girl see your penis?

And be surprised how big it is? Thank you for being a bad friend.