Natasha Leggero & Zach Noe Towers: Circus Camp & Brothels
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When you're Jeff Lewis, the drama never stops. I've learned from my mistakes, and that's what I want to teach people. Don't do what I have done. This show, I mean, you guys really start some shit. I'm sorry if I'm coming off as an asshole. I just want people to do their jobs. Jeff Lewis has issues. Hey, it's Jeff Lewis, and I have issues. In today's episode, Natasha Leggero and Zach Noe Towers join the show. We talk about circus camp, knockoff tour guides, and international brothels.

For those of you who don't know Natasha, she's one of those famous people that you recognize her, but you don't know her name.

Oh my God, that's so flattering. You have a very familiar face. Thank you. So you must get, because this happens to me too, how do I know you? They think they know you from the gym. They think you're your neighbor. You've got to help them figure out how they know you. Doesn't that suck? It does suck. I'm stuck at that level of fame also. I think I prefer it.

You do? Yeah, who wants to be bothered all day having to tell people, no, I'm not going to sign your picture. But we do get bothered all day. But you're right. We have to explain to people, who are you? How do I know you? And then you're like, well, I did this. No, that's not it. Well, this. That's not it. No. You know, I'm short, and I can really go under the radar.

You are very short. You are almost... You asked me if I was a little person. Well, because you're that short, but you're still... I wore heels for 25 years. I can't do it anymore. I don't care. You're about 11... No, you're three inches away from being a little person legally. You know, uh...

I love it. I love being small. My daughter's mad at me. We were at Disneyland and she's like crying because she said it's my fault that she can't ride the rides yet. Can you ride the rides? Shut up! I could if I wanted to. But listen, this is what I tell you. One of the benefits of going through perimenopause, because I'm 50,

is you don't care anymore. It's kind of awesome. You don't care about the male gaze. You're like, whatever. I mean, I care about the gay male gaze a little bit still. Yes. But, like, I don't give a shit. It's like, as you enter your 40s and your 50s, what happens as a woman is all of the...

estrogen starts to drain from your body and another word for estrogen is tolerance and you just have no tolerance for anything anymore it's kind of how you are naturally probably like you just kind of get to turn into you know it's funny you say that because i feel like

I've gotten soft and I've talked about on this radio show and I feel like the softer I get, the more taken advantage of. And so, especially in the construction world.

So if you've noticed, I've gotten nastier and nastier to those contractors because I'm fucking over them because they will just they take your kindness and they and they will take advantage. So all of a sudden they don't show up on Wednesday and then they're not showing up on Friday. And then and so you it's unfortunate that in that in this business, you kind of have to be a dickhead.

But I always start with nice. You know what I say to contractors? I'm always like, I'm throwing this huge party for my daughter June 20th. It has to be done by then. So I'll try to do that kind of stuff sometimes. That doesn't work for you.

And then you can't let him get away. What happened to Fabricator yesterday where I said, you have single-handedly delayed this project. And then he tries to blame you. Oh, no, I didn't have the edge detail. I didn't have all the edge details. I didn't have the backsplash. I said, don't do that. I said, you had every edge detail. You had every detail. I said, you haven't been here. You haven't been answering your phone. And then...

It just didn't go very well. How many fabricators are there in Los Angeles? Is there like a supply and demand with fabricators where you have to be nice to them? I think contractors in general are probably hard to get. Yes. Oh. Fabricators especially. What's a fabricator? Okay, they're the ones like you buy the slab and then they cut it and they make like the vanities or they make your kitchen countertops. They're like in the marble district or something. I'll tell you where I... Oh. Down in the district. I meant to say like, where do I know this girl? Where do I know this girl? Yeah.

The Justin Bieber roast was so fucking funny. I'm like, that's exactly where I know her from.

You're like, that's how I should talk to contractors. I mean, talk about riding the line. You weren't riding the line at all. Like you were over the line, which I loved. Well, thank you. I mean, that was a different time. Oh, yeah. You know, we're not so over the line these days, but you are. So I like that. I'm afraid to get to know you, though, because I'm like, I'll become your enemy in like six months or something. I don't think so. No. I'll tell you where I really related to you.

It took you nine years to graduate college. It took me five plus two years of summer school. Oh, I had to do summer school because I was like, how do I get past the science? And they're like, if you take summer school, if you take science summer school, a D is passing. So I would take all my science classes. But my degree is in theater criticism, which is an absurd degree. Mine's in criticism. Is it really?

Is it really? Yes. You have a degree in criticism? Just criticism. It's my minor. But it actually really helped. Wait, what was your degree? Pre-law with a minor in business. Oh, cool. Yeah, I sound smart, but I'm not. Well, my problem... Do you sound smart? Is the smart in the room with us?

My problem was that I was putting myself through college in New York, so I had no money. So I just kept, you know, the matriculation doesn't count. And then you go from, I went from like Hunter College to Brooklyn College. Then I'd go to England for a year. Then I'd go to Australia for a year. I was just trying to like, then I was at Illinois State University. I mean, basically, I was just trying to get to Hollywood. Wow.

See, I had a different theory. I was like, oh, she's a rich kid and she didn't want to leave college. That's so funny. And she stayed as long as she possibly could until her parents were like, no more. Oh, no, no. I paid for everything myself, which is interesting because now I have a daughter. I have an only child. As I said in my book, one is an accessory, two is a lifestyle. Only one. I'm picturing a baby with a little handle like on it. I also have an accessory. Yeah. I mean, but the thing is, like, I couldn't.

Imagine making her waitress at the whiskey bar in a leotard for eight years, putting herself through school. I would never do that to my child. But it made me so...

for lack of a better word, successful. Yeah. So it is such a challenge because it just made me very scrappy and tenacious and never taking no for an answer and, you know, resilient. And I, you know, I just, it's, I don't know how my daughter is going to have that stuff. I know. I know. I'm the same boat. So my daughter is a year older than your daughter. We haven't even done chores yet. Have you started the chores? Yes. And all chores are begging her to put the silverware away.

And then the silverware, because I was like, this is her job. And like the silverware sit out. I clean the kitchen. The silverware is still sitting out. And then she comes home from school. I'm like, put away the silverware. And then I have to ask her like nine times. She kind of like throws them in there and then just goes. It's challenging. Okay, so Monroe feels like taking her own dishes to the sink. Not even putting them in the sink, not even rinsing them. She feels that's, she's very put out by that.

And she feels like that's her chore. And are you constantly picking up your kids' clothes and shoes? Not just my kids. My husband's. It's like, it's basically an ADHD household. So there's either like eight of something or it's gone. It's so annoying.

It's like constant with everything, like nine spatulas, ten nail clippers, and then all of a sudden one day they're all gone. It's hell. It's hell. Does your daughter have uniforms? No, but that seems like that would be cool. It's actually cool. It's great. But then can you get a uniform without the religion? Yes. Oh, okay. We have uniforms without the religion. That's cool. But the problem is I don't know where all the uniforms go. I don't know where she's leaving them.

I don't know. Are we out or low? She probably thinks they're disposable, like one-time use, and she throws it away. She could be doing that. Okay, so does your daughter, does she want to dress herself and pick out her own clothes? She does, but it's funny. She wants to be a fashion designer, but she bases her clothing every day on how comfortable the waistbands are. So she's just all about comfort, but then she takes that comfort thing and tries to do something cool with it.

Monroe was so, so cute.

like three, four, five. She just put on whatever I told her to put on or I got her dressed. Oh, yeah. But now it's like everything's a fight. It's itchy. It's too tight. It's too big. It has buttons. It has buttons. I don't want the buttons. It's such a nightmare. That's why I like the uniforms. Well, that sounds awesome. Her preschool teacher was like, she has clothing sensitivity. It's on the autism spectrum. And I'm like, my husband's like, no, she doesn't.

Oh, is that a closing sensitivity thing? No, they just made it up to coddle children, I think. I don't know, but she's fine now. Or we all have autism. We're in this together. Are you happy with your school?

Yes. Yes. My daughter, she's at a nature school. I really love it. What? She does a lot of gardening. What? And knitting. Nerd! Is it preschool or is she in kinder? No, it's not nerd. She's in first grade. They're learning calligraphy. They're learning Roman numerals. You know, I'm a Luddite. I really am. Cooking? Great for the Super Bowl. Cooking. They do cooking. So you're just getting her ready to get her married off. No.

I need to put Monroe in that school. She's ironing. She's preparing cocktails. She's trying to please an old Italian man who wants to...

things hung up in a certain way. She's making all the beds. No, I mean, the truth is it does seem like a trad wife training program, but it is not. But think about it. We probably have two years left till the end of the world. Like, she should learn how to, like, grow food. You know? Why does she need to learn all this math when AI, I mean, I was so bad in science and math, so it's really hard for me. Yeah, I know. It took you nine years to graduate. Yeah.

I love that you thought I was a rich kid. You didn't go that deep in the Wikipedia. No, I didn't. It's okay. Yeah, no. Because it was quite the opposite, wasn't it? Poor in Illinois. Poor in Illinois, yeah. I don't really go back there very much. I took my husband once, and he goes, this place has major get-me-out-of-here vibes. I was like, that's how whole...

It was so awful. So, but yes, it is a just, it is definitely a very challenging thing raising a child in this new world that we have having one child, you know, and

But I will say I'm reading this book right now called Capote's Women. It came out a long time ago. It's all about Truman Capote. And he's just doing this deep dive of all these aristocratic women. And it's so fascinating to me like how they grew up. Like that makes me feel happy. At least my kids putting away the silverware if I ask 10 times. Like these people, they thought it was so low class to be a professional at anything.

They're like, ew, a job? Like a job. Even if you were something like a lawyer, a doctor, that was just like, ugh. Like you were just supposed to live your leisure life. Well, I hate to tell you this, but that's what they're teaching at your kid's school. You're going to be supporting her forever until you marry her off.

I know. That's why you need to have adjoining lots with like two houses, you know? It's so hard because it's actually my own personal meditation every day is saying no to her. Finding out, trying to figure out how to say no to her because it is...

She's so freaking cute. She knows exactly. She's like wheeling and dealing every single, you know, turn. So, yeah. They should do kid swap. You know how they did wife swap? You send your kid to like a. Wife swap was amazing. It was. Where's that show? That was so funny. And then they did celebrity wife swap. They did? Yes, they sure did. Oh, my God.

I mean, how would they even do wife swap now? Every person would be like, you should get off your phone. Well, didn't Bravo just announce that Bravo is doing, is it housewife's wife swap? Yeah, they just announced it yesterday. Yeah, they'll be doing a version of it. But yes, kid swap would be good. You know, send them to a farm or whatever.

And then a little poor kid. You can't now with all the predators and everything. I know. We're not going to send our kid away. Well, yeah, you would never. No, my husband literally Googled summer camps that accept seven-year-olds, and he's pitching them to me. And I'm like, sleep away camps. Sleep away? There's a reason why no camp in America, only one camp in America, and it's a trapeze camp, for like to train them for the circus. Yeah.

Well, they're bendy. A seven-year-old. Are you going to send her? No, but she really wants to too. To trapeze camp? Well, it's actually called, it's like wavy gravies camp. It's in San Francisco. A lot of cool people went there, but I forget what it's called. I'm sure. But it's all for like, yeah, like my daughter. Because my mom really was on point in terms of my...

you know, career in extracurriculars and she got me into acting and it really,

Looks like it's called Camp Win a Rainbow. Yes. What? This is clown camp. We're looking at them. It is clown camp. They're on the ropes. They're on the trapeze. They're clowns. You can't do that. I know. I know. No, no, no, no, no, no. But here's the thing. My mom, she enrolled me in acting class in Illinois. Somehow she found it in Rockford, and it changed my whole life, and I got to be a part of it.

theater, you know, since I was like 10. And so I've always told myself I will follow my daughter's

passions and find her passions because my mother did that to me. That's the only thing she's been excited about is doing aerial silks. No, no, no, no. Camp Winter Rainbow is a unique and magical overnight camp for children ages 7 to 14 that provides circus and performing arts classes in the beautiful hills of Mendocino County. It's none of my business, but I have to step in. She cannot go. What do I do? He went to clown school. Does that give you an idea? And I turned out fine. He went to clown school. No shit.

What was your name? Freckles. Freckles the Clown. That is cute. Thank you, Natasha. It's sad. How do you not call him Freckles? We do. We do. We call him a lot of things. Later in life, he's Melanoma the Clown. Okay, well, I just am very sensitive about following her passions, but I wish it wasn't something that was dangerous. You have to guide her, though.

I know. She's got to have other interests. I took her to the ballet. She goes, Mom, the ballet is like watching yoga. Oh. It is boring. She's just so like, she just knows what she likes. Like, she doesn't like team sports. She's just like, no. I know. I'm having the same problem. She just kind of wants to like relax. And I'm like, am I modeling something? Yeah.

No, you went to Disneyland. You took her to Disneyland. See, I would have just kept this under wraps. Like, I would have never told her about Disneyland. I would have let her naturally find out, like, at 12, wait, what's this place that all my friends get to go to? Then I would have taken her there.

But yeah, my husband was so excited. He got her like platform sneakers so she could like reach the rides, some of them. We went recently and I spent the last three hours in the car because I'm like, we got there at 7 a.m. We spent the night at the Disneyland Hotel, met a guy at 6.55 at like the hat, whatever like the magical hat is. So by like 3 p.m., I'm like, bye guys.

Guys, we didn't have the hotel for another night. And all these people were with or just like trying to snort Disneyland, like just like can't get enough of it. I know. I'm like, I don't need any more of this. Did you drink at the park? You know you can. You can drink there? Yeah. You got to find out. There's not that Oscar. How many places can you are bars at Disneyland?

All the restaurants in Disneyland now have alcohol options, but you can't carry them around. Yeah, you got to sit there. Yeah, you have to go to California Adventure. You just have to chug it and keep going. Or do what I do, bring a metal flask and pour it in there when they're not looking. He's really into Disneyland. Or drinking. Here's the other thing, like when you introduce him to Disneyland too soon.

than as adults, they want to go every weekend. My parents deprived me of Disneyland. See, they sound cool. It wasn't until I became an adult that I started becoming obsessed with it. So you have to micro-dose Disneyland. Well, I think they sensed there was going to be a problem. Wait, you're a Disney adult? I am, yeah. Wow.

Say it like it's a bad thing. No, she's not. She's just... I said this on my podcast, but I was with a friend, sophisticated woman. She lives in the Bay Area. We get there and she goes, isn't the castle beautiful? What?

I go, what? That? I go, no, it's a pro. Like, have you never seen a castle? Like, you've been to Europe. It's a mini golf course blown up. Yeah, you're right. People are just under the influence there. And then just, they let too many people in. Like, it's just not enjoyable. It's too crowded. You're right. It was just like, why is the, why don't they let 100 less people in? Like, just getting to my car from wherever the hell we were, like, it was just. Like a tram and then like escalators. Yeah.

So you got very tired and at 3 o'clock... I didn't even get tired. I'm just like, I don't need to go on another ride. So you went and sat in the car for three hours. Yeah, you think Humphrey Bogart went on the log ride? I mean, this is just such a thing. Like, why are adults doing this? Like, I just, like, my idea of, like...

What is a sophisticated, glamorous person would do? That's why I'm like confused by adults who want to go there without children. Like you want to like get jerked around on a ride and then like eat bad food. And at our age, like my neck hurts, my back hurts, my feet hurt.

I'm with you. I have like a very little tolerance with it. I'm going to probably have to go back this year. Every October? She wants to go every year for her birthday. Once a year is doable, I think. I don't know. And especially how you do it with the guide. Yeah, you did the guide too. We're not waiting in line. I did the cheap guide. I did a guide who like- The knockoff? It was a knockoff guide and she was like literally like not supposed to be on the park premises. What?

It was so awesome. Wait, explain. You didn't do the Disneyland guide? No. This woman used to work at Disneyland. Someone told me about her. It was awesome. She knew every single person there. Wait, what? Nothing. Wait, what are you saying? Nothing. Go ahead. I don't know if I'm spo- But she was like- I was asking her, and I'm like, have you ever gotten in trouble? She's like, yeah, well, last week I was with Mario Lopez, and the park did ask me to leave. But they were like, see you tomorrow. Like, they know-

Then she comes every day. She has an assistant and they used to work the park like work. So she knows every single person and she's literally doing this like Hollywood schmooze at the front of every line. She has a whole system. One of them's working the app. She's like talking to everybody. And oh, and they got us food. That was the most amazing thing. But this was look poor. You look broke ass. Dude, I'm not paying.

$10,000 to let my kid not wait in line at Disneyland? How much did you spend? Not that much. It was like, I don't know. We went with another family, maybe $1,200 per family.

- That's a good deal. - And she still got you to the front of the lines. - So $2,400, what did we spend? - No, it was less than-- - $10,000? - You guys, $10,000. Do you have a little sound bite for you got ripped off? Nouveau riche, motherfucker. - I'm a boss and I'm surrounded by a bunch of amateurs.

of all the money that I saved to like play tennis every day or whatever I want to do. You know, I'm not trying to spend all my give all my money to the public. What is it now? Seven hundred an hour. It's like, yeah, seven an hour plus the tip plus 10 tickets. Did you just say seven hundred an

To take people around Disneyland? Yeah. But you get right in, you know, go right up to the front. Don't wait in line. And you go behind the scenes and stuff. My woman was awesome, and I know you're going to want her number after the thing. I don't know if I'm legally allowed to talk about her program because she was very cagey about it. Yeah, it doesn't sound like, I don't want to be in a situation where, you know, the park authorities come over and ask us to leave. Why not?

I feel like you would thrive in that. Actually, yeah. I do love conflict.

And being asked to leave, you get to leave. I wish I, is it from childhood that you can get, because like my nervous system is not set up for conflict. Like if conflict happens, like I get like GI issues. Like I'm just like immediately, I'm such a modern, I'm a modern person. I think we should just be able to work it out. Like I can't yell at other people and I've had neighbor issues and I'm just very inspired by your, by your,

Vitriol. Yeah, it's cool. Does that come from childhood? Things are a little different now. So I really, I very much try to start with nice. I also, I tell myself all the time, is this the hill I want to die on? Normally the answer is yes. And then I will get in an argument. But I do think that

A lot of people just don't respond to nice. They don't. Until you push back or threaten them. They mistake it for your weakness. I see. Right. I find that my office is more efficient when I'm a little more stern. Don't you agree, Shane?

Oh, yeah. Love the story. I can't do it. Although I have done it in the past and it has been amazing, thrilling. I've gotten what I wanted. When I had my own show, like an editor was just like, oh, I'm not doing that.

and I was listening to Amy Poehler's book, and she was talking about standing up. It's just as a woman, sometimes it's hard too, and I was just like, you know what? You wouldn't talk to Blank like that, and I know you worked with him, so I want you to do it, and he did it, and I had never stuck up for myself, and honestly, I haven't done it much since. But yeah.

It was thrilling and I loved it. And I was, and he was, you could see him kind of shaking, you know, like, cause he just wasn't used to like, especially me. Cause I just try to appease, you know, with comedians too, a lot of times where the diffusers,

you know, the natural diffusers. We grew up having to diffuse these situations and everyone's fighting. And I mean, most comedians you talk to, like their parents are divorced. Like there's not just not improvisers, but if you talk to like stand up comedians, like they all come from broken. It only takes a couple minutes and then you're like, oh, yeah, that happened to you or there was a death or, you know, like there was just something dark like.

I was reading Tina Fey's autobiography and it's like, you know, she got- You do a lot of reading. You read a lot of books. For someone who could barely graduate college, you read a lot. But she was like slashed in the face in an alley when she was a kid. Like, you know, it's like- That's made up.

Anyway, the point is you read long enough and anyone who's really funny, there's something happened. - Jesus Christ, yeah. - But so anyway, sometimes I find it hard because my natural inclination is to like handle all the problems and take care of the family and take care of everyone. So it can be hard sometimes. - Also, when you have this little kid like looking up at you. - Exactly. - Like modeling you, I'm very careful about what I do in front of her. - Oh, she'll see. - But when she leaves the room. - She's at school.

Yeah, thank God she's in school. My daughter will say so many things to me. I'm like, who told you that? She's like, you. Like, she's like, oh, that man has something wrong with his brain.

Like if she sees a homeless person, I'm like, don't say that. Why are you saying that? And she's like, that's what you said about blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, I said that? Like I can't remember. Because they ask so many questions and you just have to be kind of like ready. You're right. I Google a lot of shit. Yeah. When she asks me questions because I normally can't answer them. Well, I try to just tell her honestly. Oh, I'd be like, ask TikTok, baby. Yeah.

Put it in TikTok. Ask ChatGPT. But one thing my daughter said that I don't like at all is she's like, Mom, don't ever tell anyone anything I say. And I'm like, she had a knife to your throat. Mama has to write a special. But that's the thing. It's like now I have my stand-up act and I'm like, okay, well, I don't really want to make a special because what if she sees it when she's 12 or when she's 10 and learns how to read at her current school? They don't teach you how to read until you're 12.

It's like the European way. Oh, so she doesn't know how to read yet. No. But she can set a beautiful table. Oh, my God. It's amazing. The way she folds napkins. She can identify every plant you can eat on a walk. Like, she's just like, she can do it. Okay, that actually sounds helpful. It's cool. But, yeah, so it's hard, though, because my husband's just like, oh, I don't take that seriously. Who cares? But then I had a woman open for me once, and she was older than me, and she's like, yeah, thanks.

My kids don't talk to me anymore. And I was like, why? She's like, well, my my teenagers got really mad about me talking about them on stage. I mean, she wasn't very funny, but still that got in my head. And I'm like, oh, my God, you mess up your relationship. And maybe it's different with mothers and daughters. So anyway, the point is having a child really makes you reevaluate your values and things change. And it's just very challenging. Do you find that?

I do. I do. Absolutely. Like I said, I'm very careful about what I do and say in front of her. So then I wait for her to leave and then I misbehave or go to school. You go to her school and misbehave. Do you volunteer? Do you ever like do the paper cut like you cut paper? So the funny thing is they said they're doing some sort of auction and I hate this. So they reached out. I donate.

So that's what I do. That's my thing. I donate to them. They really shouldn't be asking. That's my thing. I write checks. But that's good. A lot of people can't do that. They shouldn't be asking me to do anything because I donate a lot of money. But they still do it. So I guess there's some sort of auction coming up and they wanted to auction off the chance to come and sit in this radio show.

And I was like, I don't know what to say. Like, I waited a couple days, and I just wrote, ugh. I wrote, ugh. UGH? Oh, UGH, comma, I'd rather not. And that was it. I was like, you know what? That's so honest. Let me write this, please. Because I was just...

When he read it out loud, I was like, no, say, hey, I'm sorry. Unfortunately, SiriusXM doesn't allow us. Yeah, that's a lie. You could just. First of all, it's actually true. Well, they do charity auctions all the time. They can. Without even asking me. This is what I would say. Oh, that's so sweet. Let me ask. Let me put you in touch with. But that's a lie. I don't want to do it. Oh.

So I just figure, do I ghost? Do I ghost them? That's kind of shitty. So I waited a couple of days, and then I was like, you know what, Jeff? Just be honest. But maybe just, I'd rather not. The Ugg is like, period. Bothering me. But that's how they know it's from Jeff. And they're not going to ask me again. That's true. The Ugg, he's just bought himself five years. I sure do. Until the new person comes in.

Or he puts his kid in a nature school. I think people do appreciate honesty. I do. They love the Ugg. Well, it saves everyone time because the truth is going to come out. Do you know what I mean? Whether you had volleyed it back and forth and then canceled on them before the charity itself happened. Do you know what I mean? The other thing I really...

I don't want to do this, but I feel like I need to do this. I'm feeling very compelled that. So they have these moms, these two moms. And every every year, like they're in charge of fundraising. And I honestly think they do a terrible job.

And they'll speak, like, you know, if there's, like, a big parent event, they'll speak. Good thing they don't listen to this show. Yeah, this must get back to them. There is no way these two moms have not been sent a link to this exact moment in the show. No, I told the school. I said, look, I think they're doing a terrible job. I think we can raise a lot more money. I said, I think we can raise a lot more money.

Because I would... You said you could do a better job. Yeah, because I think they're too passive. But that did not offer his services. But just that I could if I wanted to. Because I would call people out, right? I'd be like, hey, we know Euphoria was picked up for another season. You guys, you have plenty of money. You can donate. So I'll just call people out individually.

I think I would be more effective. I think they're too passive. Do you want to host an auction? Is that what you're saying? Not an auction, but what they do is they'll, you know, they go on and I don't know why we were there. Why were we there? Some sort of kid event. Your daughter goes to school there? Yes, but we were there for some reason. Some child. I think she was in my Birkin.

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That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash Jeff to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince dot com slash Jeff. Is it true that you used to work in a brothel? I worked in a brothel in Australia for one day. Did you get fired or quit?

I quit. Why? Because, well, I thought it was, it was like the most, the job I found on like, it was like a newspaper. It was like, you know, $20 an hour to answer calls. But then they wanted me to clean the towels. Oh, God. And that was a little too much. The crispy, crunchy towels. Yeah. And the girls were so funny. Like the girl who was training me, she would just be like, hold on. We got to help.

Mary on line three. Like she knew like every type. It was like, I can't do an Australian accent, but like they had all these like nicknames. Tell me the nicknames. What's a Harry Mary? A guy who wants a big pussy. I don't know, like a bushy pussy or something. Oh, and then we would, it was actually, it was because prostitution is legal there. So they would walk. My job would be to walk the businessmen

into this room and all the girls were there with like their little numbers on. And then they were just like eating cake and drinking champagne. And then the guy would tell me which one he wanted to take upstairs. Wow. And then I would have to tell the girl and you could just see they were kind of like hanging out doing this for the day. What numbers were most popular? I only worked there for one day. I don't remember that day. Let's say three.

She was hot. Three. Does that help you? No, I don't remember the numbers, but I just remember... What number were you? I mean, I was just there...

Facilitating. You wanted to be a number. This is part of a longer story where I got abducted by a con artist and taken to Australia. I was like with this older man. I dated a con artist a few years ago. You did? A few years ago? See, I was so happy when it happened to me because I was like, oh, I'm young. This isn't going to happen when I'm old. Yep. But it happened to you as an adult. Well, not old, but you know.

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Hey, everybody, Conan O'Brien here with an ad about my podcast, Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I've had so many fantastic conversations with people I truly admire, people like Michelle Obama, Bruce Springsteen, Maya Rudolph, Tom Hanks. New episodes are out every Monday, and we have a really good time. So subscribe and listen wherever you get your podcasts.