Patti Stanger & LaKendra Tookes: Pheromones & Monogamy
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I've learned from my mistakes, and that's what I want to teach people. Don't do what I have done. This show, I mean, you guys really start some shit. I'm sorry if I'm coming off as an asshole. I just want people to do their jobs. Jeff Lewis has issues. Hey, welcome to Jeff Lewis Has Issues. In today's episode, Patti Stanger and LaKendra Tooks join the show. We talk about black cats, monogamy, and splitting the bill. Good morning, Patti. Hi.

Welcome back. Hi, missed you. I've missed you. We've paired you with a Kendra today because she desperately needs your help. First of all, I was saying over the weekend, once I got back from New York, I was home and I was just kind of like channel surfing and I go onto Netflix

And there you are, Patti, front and center. On Netflix right now, they are streaming seasons 5, 6, and 7. I know, weird. Of Millionaire Matchmaker. Not even season 4, which was the New York season. I'm shocked at that, but maybe that's coming. But I will tell you, you know how I always say this, Netflix is the boyfriend that keeps on giving. When you break up, you go to Netflix. So I love Netflix, yeah. Well, I guess I would too. So this, I mean, this show is just...

I mean, it just keeps going and going and going, which is very interesting right now because, you know, you did, I believe, an interview for L.A. Times where you said the matchmaker shows are making a comeback. Yes. So is that specifically because obviously dating shows have made a huge comeback. Are you saying that dating shows, too, or more like. Well, I mean, when I first came out, you know, I created The Bachelor and that's a whole other story for another day. But when I came out, Bravo was second to that. And.

like nobody thought love was going to last. I remember my agent telling me that like, oh, you probably have a two year thing and it'll go away because it's not really the thing that people buy in unscripted. Look where we are right now. I know. Like love is blind is the Messiah. But we used to have, you know, 90 day fiancee.

Love Island's the biggest show. Love Island. Right. And so like now every network has love programming, which to me, that was the goal. Like, you know, of course we're Bravo people. So hats off to us. We love our Bravo. But I mean, I think it's going to just keep growing and growing because as society keeps getting singler and singler, there's more singles than ever before in history.

Well, I've been watching Love Hotel on Bravo. I really like it. I like the show. And it just makes sense for season two for you to be involved in some way. I would... I want to... Okay, I'm single right now, Bravo. Frances, Andy, whoever produced this... Oh, you want to go on the show. I would go on the show. Oh, my God. I'm ready to be the dater now. Let's flip the script. Let's go on. I didn't think about it like that. I don't need to be the extra... I mean, I can if they need it. But...

I would totally go on as a date or any of the love shows that have, I want to date Mel Owens from The Golden Bachelor. So if he doesn't find anyone on this particular season, I'm putting my hand in the ring because he lives in Orange County. He's like ex-NFL and I love the NFL and a lawyer and he's really hot. Perfect. And he's like,

And he's like older than me. He's older than me. I never date anyone older. Like, it's always younger. So it'd be nice. That's okay. And that is my next question for you. Now, no one knows how old you are, LaKendra, because you refuse to tell us. It's a mystery. She does have readers, and that could mean she's in the early 40s, but she looks like 30s. I like to just magnify things. Maybe I just like to magnify. But she will never tell, and a lady should never tell. Just like a man...

You don't have to tell us your height, but we know when you're, you know, you say you're 5'11", you're 5'10". Come on. Yeah. So when do you tell a man your age when you're dating? And is it rude? When you're married. My aunt did that. My aunt did that. At the wedding day, she kept, like, lying about her age. I kind of want to know before that. She was 10 years younger, and she goes, all right, so I'm 10 years younger, and they're going to the altar. Oh, my God. Now, I'm not telling you to do that, but, yeah. I don't think age is important unless you're having children.

- Okay. - 'Cause what's the point? If you love someone, you love someone. It's just a number. - But when, what date do you actually tell them? What date is it appropriate to ask? - I don't think a man should ask. Look, we have Google for that. - Right. - Like, you can figure it out. - Well, not La Kendra's case. - No. - But if you're on the app, it has your age there on the app. - Yeah, but people aren't telling the truth on the app. - No, they're lying. Everybody's lying. I'm 10 years younger. Everybody lies. - Well, okay. On my apps, I do tell the truth about my age, but on one of my apps, it has my age wrong, and it won't allow me to change it. - Which one?

Facebook dating. I am on that. Is that good? It's okay. Have you tried the league yet? I'm on the league. The league, I don't like the league. All the guys on the league, there's like no cute guys on the league. I tried the league for a long time and I don't like the fact that they give you people and you don't get to choose. You only get like three. They want your money. They never knew my type. Are you on Raya too? I got off Raya. I was on Raya for a month. Nothing. I was talking to Kristen Cavalieri yesterday because I was on her show. It's coming out. And she said to me...

In the beginning, it was good. But then when she got back on, it was the same 10 people over and over again. And they don't even live in Nashville. So what's the point?

the point. And I was like, yeah, I remember that too. But I got kicked out because I said Ben Affleck was on a talk show. Well, they won't let you screenshot. If you screenshot, because I saw Zach Braff on there and I was like, oh, I screenshot. And they were like, hey, don't screenshot. And I was like, oh. But I didn't meet anybody on there. So I said, I give it up. And then I joined Tinder because the last time I was here. I met my ex on Tinder. Really? Well, MJ was saying she met Tommy on Tinder. You met your man on Tinder. So I got on Tinder. Let me tell y'all about Tinder. Tinder is 75% like A.I.

Seriously, it's a bunch of guys. Oh my God, I didn't think of the AI part. It's so many fake guys. What? Because you can tell they're fake if they don't want to do a video chat or a FaceTime. Oh my God. Like, you know, we've all watched Catfish. So then they're giving me the excuses. The microphone doesn't work on my phone. And one guy, I did video chat with him, but it was clearly not the same guy in the pictures.

I was like, what do you think? I don't have eyes. Like clearly this is not, yeah, I didn't put my readers on. You are not the same guy. So Tinder has video chat like Bumble does inside the system. Or do you want to get off in face and FaceTime? Get off. Yes. And so like, so these guys, what they'll do to the,

the WhatsApp. Yeah. Oh, I don't trust the WhatsApp because you are married. If you're using WhatsApp, you're married. Well, I feel like... Put me on your iMessage. Unless you live in another country. Or you have an Android, but then I don't trust you regardless. But that's what these guys say. If you have an Android, don't even talk to me. They say that they're French.

Right? I agree. Because I want to be able to FaceTime. You know what I mean? I like it to all. I want a shared calendar. I want to find my friends. I want to FaceTime. Yeah. Like, I want everything to be kind of uniform. But what the guys do on Tinder, too, I realize their little system. They say they're French because us American girls, we love that. Now, I notice they all say they're French. They all say that they have a fiancé or ex-wife that passed away.

I noticed that I had like 10 guys with the same story. My fiance passed away. They're lying. It's crazy. I don't know. And then they're trying to sell you crypto. They're trying to sell you crypto. Oh, yeah, I heard that. I heard Tinder is a way to sell crypto. I've heard this before. This guy gave me this long thing about Charles Schwab. I was like, man, I know Charles Schwab. I meet a man. My finances are great.

I'm trying to get my love life together. I think LinkedIn should have dating. LinkedIn should have dating. Out of all the little things we use, LinkedIn should be the dating site because now you can see where they work. You can see all their history. It's like, come on, LinkedIn. Let me set you up on your dating. Come on. Oh, they should hire you. You represent a lot of women, 40s, 50s, 60s. Do you find, because I'm noticing with Love Hotel and actually asking Shannon questions about Love Hotel. I love Shannon. Yeah.

It's interesting, but I'm going to say three, if not four of those girls are looking for financial security. Well, not because it, okay.

They have their own money, but they're also very much looking for somebody. Okay, so a man can date down because the woman looks up, but a woman can't. A man will resent them. That's what happened in my last relationship. He said, like, I was intimidated by your sex sex. And I said, but you didn't tell me that when we were dating. He told me after the fact. And I was like, the whole time you were thinking that? I wasn't even working. It was after COVID. And this is the resentment phase. So you kind of go equal or odd.

or it's not gonna work. - No, they're very insecure. - So I understand that, but I was looking at, I saw a clip of Love Hotel the other day and I was like, "Do those guys have any money?" The guy with the shirt off with Luann? I was like, "Does he have a dollar?" - I don't know. - Does he have a dollar? Like Mel,

Owens, who they picked for the Golden Bachelor, is a lawyer. Like, he's got a job. Like, he's career-driven. Well, I think these people have jobs. I just don't think... I don't want to act. They have the kind of money that the girls are looking for. Okay, so what kind of money? Like, do they fly first class, have a home, have a car? Like, what are they? What level of money? Yeah. Okay, I don't... Because that's important. You haven't seen their tax returns. I don't... I mean, God, I hate to call people out, but, you know, I just think...

Yes, they have a job, maybe a modest home in another state. Oh, yeah. So then it's cheap. It's like 600 grand. Or less. It's not like we're 4 million and up here, you know? Right. Nobody gets that. A shack in Brentwood is 4 million. Yes. And nobody understands how we live plus our tax situation. Everybody's leaving the state. Yep. They're all going to Austin, Texas and Miami, Florida. Mm-hmm.

I think it's okay if someone's looking for financial security, but then when do you make that very clear? And how do you make that clear? That's one of my questions. My stylist is one of my best friends. Pray she doesn't listen to this podcast. She will kill me for this. She met a guy.

Bumble. Gorgeous. They go on first date and they're already in love. Like he already said like on the, I thought it was love bombing or on the first one, you're the one, I knew it from the pictures. That is love bombing. So anyway, I said, go slosh. She said, he said he wants to marry me. I said, great. Get a ring.

You can get a ring on the first date, second date, Pat Allen, one-on-one. Go to Tiffany's. And so he's doing this whole thing with her, and he's kind of like, you know, pulling her along. And she had the power because she was using Black Cat Academy, if you know from Anna Christina, which I'm developing a TV show on this, where you basically make the man the golden retriever and you're the black cat. So the man should always love the woman more. Jewish dating 101, by the way. Okay.

So this is what the Jewish mothers teach. And so she's using my plan, but she's getting nasty. And so finally he says, you know, I'll give you the ring if you're nice, but you're really nasty. And that's not the way we want to go. You know what I mean? Like, we want to have him...

pursue us, but be kind in it, like smile. Like I can't see you Tuesday, but I'd love to see you Friday. Like sweeter stuff, not like, you know, I'm not seeing you, call me never, you know, that kind of thing. Wait, what is this Black Cat thing? Black Cat Academy is Anna Christina. But anyway, the point of the story is that... Yeah, what is the point? I'm confused. Where are we? What was the question? What was the question? I don't even know what the question was. Oh, the question was how soon do you let a guy know that you want his financial security? So she said, so I said to her, you want to get married?

It's six weeks in. Now you talk finances. And he reaped. Oh.

And I'm like, red flag, red flag, red flag. Because they went to go see Coldplay. The room was 1,000. She's like, well, you know. And they started arguing about money six weeks in. And I'm like, no, this is a sign that his BS of I'm going to give you the life and pay the bills and do all this was to woo you in love bombing. But it wasn't true. Because you've got to sit down. And it's dirty. And it's ugly. But you've got to talk about your finances. When you say talk about your finances, like how specific?

You talk about it. You go, how? Like, are we going to have a kid? Where are we going to live? Who's contributing? Who pays for the utilities? Who pays for the mortgage? Like, you have to sit down and talk about these things. Jeff, you're rich. So if you date a guy and he doesn't have enough money, you're like, fine. You've always been generous. You always take care of your family. You're a different animal. There's not a lot of men like you, gay or straight, because you've always been so generous. Yeah.

That's Anna. And I'm producing a TV show with her. Wow. Can you tell me the black cat thing? It's great. Tell me that. Give us the layman's version. I want to understand that. I'm sorry I took a detour for the listeners. I'm sorry I went a little off book. So here's how it works. So Anna is a firm believer that women are too much of a giver.

We were born that way. Our parents trained us. And when a man starts to pull away, we run towards them, which is wrong. Because a man, after he has sex with you, his testosterone drops and he has to miss you for his testosterone to raise. That's biology. So she's teaching women not to give so much and let the man give to you. Now, why should the man give to you? Because a man falls in love when he gives to a woman. That's what vasopressin is. And then they get the oxytocin and that's the love.

gene, you know, the love hormone. And so she's teaching techniques on, hey, don't make him a seven course meal or, you know, like call him all the time or over text. Where does the cat come in? Is that you want to be the cat? You want to be the black cat? I want to be a cat. I don't want to be the golden retriever. I feel you've always been the black

cat in most of your relationships except when it goes wrong then you become the golden retriever like you're always trying to fix i feel like i'm the golden retriever no you're the black i see black cat in this new relationship shane yeah yeah yeah i feel that because you're very calm right now like patrick just like walks around the house does not give a fuck where we are toby's following you around yeah okay that makes sense you want to be patrick not toby

Okay. Were you the black cat with you, Gage? You both switched off. One was black cat, one day one was the golden retriever. You switched a lot with him. I feel like if the golden retriever is the person that's trying to please, then...

Yes, I think we can all be golden retrievers. Oh, my God. I can fall in in five minutes because I'm naturally that way and I have to stop myself. Me too. Because I'm so loving and giving and immediately I'm like, I love you. I want to do everything for you, but I'm trying to chill more. I'm doing better. Golden retriever?

I'm chilling. You know what, LaKendra? I'm becoming a cat. First of all, can you briefly tell Patty what happened to you on your date? Oh my God, Miss Patty, let me tell you. Patty, you're going to be so pissed. I went on a date with this guy and he ditched me. Wait, wait, slow down. Did you already see him on the date? I didn't get that much of an answer. We had already had a drink and we had been talking for maybe like an hour and he said, I'm going to the bathroom and then he left and unmatched me. And he ordered a second drink before he went to the bathroom? And stuck her with the tab. And stuck her with the tab.

I know. Okay, so what are we going to do to him? We're going to say his name on radio. No, we're not only going to do that. We are going to put him, are we dating the same guy in the group on Facebook? Oh, you know, honestly, I don't even know. We never even exchange numbers. He's like a non-factor. What's his name? Chase. Chase what? I don't know his last name.

Get his name. Get his Instagram. I don't have anything about him. I never even gave him my phone number. He was so eager about the date. No, but you do photo recognition on Google and it'll tell you who he is. Right, but I don't even think I screenshot his picture. Like, honestly, that's like so old news for me. I actually went on a good first date the other day. We want to talk about this, though. Oh.

Okay, he ditched me. Okay, but he, did he, do you have him on the file on Bumble that was like, you know, We didn't meet on Bumble. We met on Facebook dating. I think this is, honestly, I've been thinking a lot about this, LaKendra, because I am traumatized by what happened to you. Okay. And I think, okay, I think you're really hot. I think you have a lot of pictures, like bikini pictures and all of that. I think he thought,

I'm going to hit it. I think he did. And when he meets this nice Christian girl who's looking for a relationship, wants to get married, he's like, fuck this. I'm not going to get laid tonight. I think that's all it was. He bailed. Yeah. That's exactly what happened. Good. But here's the deal. Talk about a man who doesn't matter. So you're going to bail. You know, just say, hey, look, I don't think this is going to work out and pay the bill. I know. Yeah. You don't go off. That's a piece of shit. That is, I could say a lot of curse words right now. Do it. The karma, the karma.

- Fuck him. - What goes around comes around in life. - Seriously. - No, I mean, no. That guy, he sucks. He's definitely paralyzed. - Okay. - He is. He sucks. - So, the thing is, you know, a lot of people are, a lot of guys are asking girls to pay, you know, on the date. - I've heard about this. Or they'll be like Venmo, they'll send you a Venmo. - So I say to girls, if a guy says to you, you know, pay, go to the bathroom and leave and tell them H or D you're leaving. - Yeah.

Because he who asks you out on the date is the payer. Absolutely. Doesn't matter whether you're gay or straight. So, okay, let me ask you about that because that's something that I wanted to know about. Like, should the guy... I'm sorry. Let me just wrap my head around this. So, you go on a date and you ask the girl to Venmo you? Some guys do. They call it Venbro. My ex-assistant had that. Venbro? They do. My ex-assistant had that.

And she was at a very fancy restaurant and kept ordering a lot of things. And they sent her a Venmo request? And then he said, listen, you know. How do you want to do this? How do you want to do this? Do you want to pay for the drinks? Do you want to pay for the tips? I think my dad would literally hit me in the back of my head if I did that. And I'm 55 years old. I think he would just be like, I would kick my brother's ass. We're like 30-year-old kids. We're a different generation. And so he's really rich, lives on the beach in a two-bedroom apartment, and he's 30 years old. And I'm like.

Why is he cheap? A lot of the men are cheap now. And then she paid for the drinks. I wanted to clobber her. But I had one, my other assistant, and I said to him, if this happens, go to the bathroom, see the maitre d' and tell her you're leaving. You know, like, tell him, you know, I don't feel comfortable with the situation. They don't know if it's sexual harassment or whatever. So she walked up the back of the restaurant on Abbot Kinney, and he starts screaming at her on text, and she blocked him, which I told her to.

I said, look, if anything happens, you call me and tell me what happened. You know what? Okay, because we were talking about age because I'm attracting a lot of younger guys right now. Do you want younger or older? I don't really care about age. But you also don't tell people your age. I tell the guys. You look so much younger than your age. Well, we don't know how old you are. I will tell a guy that I'm on a date with because I like to be honest. I like to be honest. Okay, good, good. But you won't tell us.

No, because I'm not dating you, Jeff, unless you want to take me out. Look, when she gets the guy, she's going to be really comfortable and tell you everything. But right now, like me with my Instagram and all the things, I'm very careful what I post because we're being judged. And no matter time, men judge women. Women don't judge men as much. I'll look at a crappy t-shirt and I'll be like, he has a little pot belly. And I'll be like, all right, he's cute. He's workable.

- When men are like, "No, if you're not perfect, I'm not dating you." - Yeah. - So we have to be careful. I know what that is about. - Yeah. So I'm honest with the guys that I go out with. I wouldn't mind being with an older guy. I really don't care about the age, but I see this now on Instagram. I'm seeing more black girls that are kind of like my age or around my age, and they're dating like older women.

white men who are really, really rich. Okay, so a lot of white men had their wives. Maybe they went white, Asian, whatever, and they go, I got them out of my system. Now let's go back to the donkey dog. That's Jeff. That's what it is. It's totally me. Yeah, that's what they do. You had the white wife out of your system. I've had several white wives. My manager was married to a nice little white wife.

and now is now married an asian but he went through his little african-american phase and i was like wow you really like exotic so i love those white men because i got a lot of black girls in my database so i like a white guy to come in and go i want that yeah well i attract a lot of white guys i am a white guy magnet it's like insane yes i could be in the middle of sudan and i'm gonna meet a white guy

You've got beautiful hair, beautiful skin. You've got a great body. You're dressed gorgeous today. You look very rich and expensive, by the way. Thank you, Miss Patty. You look expensive. Like, you are Birkin. Oh, thank you.

Thank you. You are Birkin. There are certain girls that are Chanel, but you are Birkin. Thank you, Miss Patty. I received that. You do present well. Thank you. Thank you. Let me ask you this, though, because I was surprised. So we went to Vegas, and LaKenda was there for the week. Yeah, I wasn't invited to JumpCon, and I'm really upset. We're going to have a conversation about that later. We'll talk about 26, but there were a lot of men at this pool.

A lot of men. Straight men? Really? Yes. Huge pool of men. Where were you at? What part? We were at Resorts World Pool. And La Kendra chooses the guy that's in college and chooses to spend the weekend with him. Did you know he was in college when you met him?

- No. - No, she thought he was in high school. - I thought he was your nephew. But I, um, but he chose me. - No. - No, we just bonded. We just started chit-chatting and we just bonded. 'Cause you know, I have such a big personality. So it's like, I would just start chit-chatting with the guy. - No, no, no, no, uh-uh. So you're all wrong. Your game's wrong. - Yeah. - Your game's wrong. - Thank you. - You have to filter.

So if you've got an hour at a pool or an hour at a bar, you've got no time to waste. Not on a college guy. Your job is you've got to separate from the pack. If Jeff and Shane are drinking in the corner, you go, hey, guys, I'll be back in 20. Separate. And you've got to walk around and smell each person, look at each person and go, who's got... We have to smell them too? Yeah, you've got to smell them. Women fall in love through smell.

You know what? I get attracted to the smell. I think guys do, too. Probably. I'm attracted to smell. Maybe because, you know, when you're a gay man, you're a little more feminine, and you need that testosterone. So we have to, like, know, like, if you hear a voice and it's feminine, you're, like, out, right? I don't like that. I like my man to be a boy. I need a deep voice. So hold on. So you walk up to someone, and you say, hi, and this person says, can I get you a drink? Yeah.

Oh, honey, let me get you a drink. We're like, sweetheart, where do you want to go shopping? Yeah, that's what it's like. But she wasted, I think, a valuable, important opportunity. And if you said to me, I know you were working, but look, I'm all about, if you were like, hey, Jeff, I'm going downstairs to do a lap, I'd be like, go do it. I did. You know, we were up on the balcony.

balcony. I know. So I was able to look down and I did see this really good looking black man and I went up to him but I didn't, I always can see the ring but I didn't see his ring and I went up to him and I was like, hi. I didn't see the ring.

- He was in the ring when you were talking to him. - When I went up to him, he immediately told me he was married. - Okay, so he's married. Now, here's the deal. - Good for him. - Move on. - Yeah, oh I did. - Too bad you're single, you're a beautiful man, let me go find one. Like, why waste time? But if you see, do you not ask these questions when you meet the guy for the first time? Where do you live, what do you do? - Are you in college? - I do. - What? - I'm gonna say, like, what do you do? I'm in college. - What grade are you in? - Miss Patty.

- We're in Vegas. - Are you over 18? - We're in Vegas. I wasn't expecting much. - Okay, but why? - Don't waste your time. - Because, okay, so Vegas is the center of the universe. - It's a mecca for single men. - That's right, and Vegas is where they all go to gamble.

Poker is like huge in Vegas and all this. And so like you got to go to poker tables. That's where most of the men are. And so if you have a whole hub where they all come from all over the country, why wouldn't you utilize it? You don't want a man who's drinking by the pool. You want a man who's gambling his life savings away to make more for you. Okay, guys, this

- Guys, this was my first ChumpCon. I didn't know what to do. - Shayna's the best. - Shayna's the best. - You made a lot of mistakes at that ChumpCon. - I did, it was my first one. Next year, I'm gonna have it, I'm gonna be ready. - I mean, like if BravoCon was happening, you separate from, I worked BravoCon, now I'm gonna go separate. - Now I'm going to Vegas. - Because, like, you're in Vegas. - But Patti, if white guys are into her, right? You're finding that white guys are drawn to you. Maybe you should really strongly consider that then. - Oh, I do.

I give the white brothers a chance. Who do you think is going to buy you the Birkin? The white guy. The white brother? Yeah. Why are you saying that black guys can't afford a Birkin? No, no, because they're not like... A brother might buy a Birkin. I think black guys can also afford a Birkin. I've never said that, and don't put that out there because you're going to make a PR moment that's not true. I never said black men can't afford it. I'm saying that the white guy has this image of you being the goddess. They do put us on a pedestal a little more. So they want to pamper you. Yeah.

Black guy's like, it's a sister. Let's see what she's got. But a white guy is going to go, oh, my God. And a Chinese guy, oh, my God. Oh, my God. I've never...

- Oh god, here we go. - Chinese men love to spend money. - We're gonna get letters! - My rich Chinese guys from Shanghai and all those, like crazy rich Asian guys, they were the first ones to say I went on a second date, what's your favorite thing, can I buy it? And I'm always like, wait, you don't even know this girl, I'm slowing it down. And they're like, my mother taught me

One guy sent pearls that were the most expensive thing a couple weeks ago, and I was just like, what's that about? He's like, my mom taught me that when I like a girl, I got to send a gift. Wow, I like that. And I was like, oh my, should I date you? I know, should I be with a chat man? You know, little Malaysian babies are so cute. Why do you think they're buying America? They have like all this money. We're going to get letters. My neighbor is half Asian. He's so hot. Really? Is he single? No. We're waiting. You know, what's the guy... Waiting for him to get divorced? What's the guy...

What's the guy from Crazy Rich Asians that is in My Perfect Stranger? I have such a crush on him. He's so good looking. I have such a crush on him. He's very sexy. Fern and Dallas line two for Patty. Okay. I got to see. What is the question? Well, she'll say it. That's the great part about it. Okay, good.

Okay, yeah. Hey, guys, I want to make this real simple. Patty, you just said that when men give to women, they get these not testosterone, but the... Vast suppressant. Okay, yes, yes, yes. Okay, I got to stay focused. So my thing is that we've got to... I think the problem is we got to get the money in the men's hands.

You know what I'm saying? But we got to get the money in the men's hands. And I think, like, Kendra may have been on to something when she went for the young guy getting out of school who's going to be bankable soon. Yeah, you're right. I think the age difference is too big. But the age difference is going to be a problem. That was a little too much. Because, like, she's not 30. You know what I mean? She looks 30, but she's not 30. Miss Patty, chill. I know. I'm like...

Girl, I want to find you a rich older man. I'm not giving you a young college kid because what will happen is he'll age up and he'll get bored and ditch her. We don't want that. We want the lasting love. Yes. I do want somebody who's ready. The forever love, as I like to call it, the forever love. I don't want to have to convince someone to be ready. I want somebody who is ready.

But Miss Fern in Dallas, thank you so much for supporting me in my decision to go home. She had like a fun weekend. It was fun. Yeah, and you didn't clean out your pipe, so you're good because you didn't do any no sex before monogamy. So I like that. Well. No, we did not. I promise y'all. Did she? I did not. She's a Christian girl. He was a gentleman. And he was a gentleman. He was. Yeah, but stuff happened. But you're just saying. Well, you can make out. Well, stuff happened. Did she go in?

I don't know if she went in. Soaking? Oh, no, I'm not a Mormon. I'm not doing that. But, I mean, you know. You could do the back door, though. Because that's actually something. The Provo push. That's Christian. It's called the Provo push. Oh, I don't know. On the first date? No, they do it because they don't break their virginity.

Oh, Lord. I'm sorry. That's still, in the eyes of the Lord, that is still a sin. Oh, no. That's still sex. Okay, so I do want to talk to you about the, because I know you say no intimacy without commitment. Yes. But before, because it's like you don't want to rush the intimacy. You don't want to rush the commitment. Take three months and he'll fall madly in love and you'll get a ring. You got to wait three months. You're not waiting three months. I'm not kidding. I've done it. You get engaged. You're not waiting three months. No, no, no, no, no. No, three months is so long. You can fool around. You can fool around. You can get naked. You just can't do the front door. Wow.

Wow. And ye will fall madly in love. I've seen it with every one of my clients. He will fall madly in love and you will get a ring. Wow. Do you want to get a ring or you don't want to get a ring? I do want a ring. Is it working now the way you're doing it? I think he's going to test drive you before he gives you a ring. No, that's not true. That's depressing. She's not a Mustang. She's not a car.

But maybe, you know, I understand waiting a few dates, but three months, three months. I think most people I know would be once or twice a week for three months. He will go insane. He'll want to take you away on vacation. That's how he's going to try it. He'll take you to a nice resort because he's want to get. OK, so look, if he has to do that to get in.

Okay, fine. You need that first time to be where he spent money and the stakes are high for him. So a weekend away. Oh, so the first time. I like that. I like the first time being on a vacation. I do do this for a living, you know. I know. No, trust me, I'm taking notes. But I do have to tell y'all. But no back door, Patty. No, I laughed at that.

I said the Mormons do the Provo push. I said the Mormons. Okay. No, I don't want to do that. You know what I mean? And by the way, I'm in love with Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. Me too. I'm in love with Jessie. She's my favorite. Jessie's my favorite. I want to go to her. I've been DMing with her. I want to go to her hair salon in Utah and get my extensions done by her. You have to. Yeah, I love watching her do it with her mom. I want to fix her mama. Mom's thing. Oh.

Thank you.

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Now, Patti, you took a look at La Kendra's dating profile during the break. And do you have any notes for her? Well, the thing I like is she's very photogenic, but I didn't love the photos that much, which is interesting. She did a lot of side shots. Like, she's like this. They're kind of like an awkward position. And also, I want her to put more simpler clothes on, like solid black mini dress. Like, because those things will date after a while.

So I just want her to change her photos out. I think she is beautiful, and the Facebook one lets you have a lot of photos on there, which is unusual, because most of them are like four to six, right? And that's it? Yeah. I just want her to change her photos. What about some of the things she said? Did you read my bio? Yeah. Let me show you my bio. Okay, but now there's a problem with the age on that particular app. Yes, yes. What happens? It wouldn't let her change. It won't let me change it, but in my bio, I put a disclaimer, my age is wrong, but I said, if we go on a first date, I will let you guess, which I think is cute.

No. That's not cute. I think you should, if they're not letting you... You need to aim higher. I don't like what you wrote. Okay, but talk into the mic. Sorry, I'm so sorry. Are you saying you can't not change the date? It won't let me change it. Or the age. On Facebook, it won't let me change it. Then you need to probably, what, start a new profile? Yes. Well, then she has to start her Facebook completely over. No, no, no, no. You can't do that. They are, because Meta...

Jeff Zuckerberg, you know you've got a problem with your customer service. I don't think he's listening. Shut up, Mark. I'm pretty sure he's not listening. You know, like, they have the worst customer service and they don't care. It's impossible. You can't get through. Okay, so here's what she wrote. I'm happy and I'm blessed. Okay, that means she's Christian. I have a great career, family, friends, and a cute dog. Okay, would love to meet a great guy with a stable career and financial stability.

I love that. She's very clear with her expectations. No, no. I like when they say, you need a successful guy. Screw the stable. Okay, I should say successful. Loves God, loves to laugh, and is ready to settle down with the right girl and have an amazing life. Okay, they're basics. I want to see details. We're going to go home. We're going to read you the paragraph. I want a lot of details of what. You don't have to sell yourself. Right. I want them to sell you. Okay. So I want to see what do you want out of the guy. Oh my gosh, I'm excited. One more detail.

Okay, so Bianca in Houston, line one. Okay. Hi, Bianca.

Oh, my God. Penny, I need your help. Okay. So, hello? Can you hear me? Yes, yes, we can hear you. Are you at work? Okay. Yeah, I've got my head. Let me take them off. I'll take them off. Is it like headset or something? Yeah. She's at the call center. Yeah, hello? Yeah, much better. Hello? Hi. Yeah. Hey. So, I'm going out with this older guy. I'm 39. He's 61. He's in oil and gas. He has money. And, like, we've been going out for, like, a month and a half. Okay. And I don't know, like,

So when you say, like, no sex before monogamy, what do you mean? Okay, so are you from Australia?

Yeah, I am. Oh, I love your accent. So sexy. Okay. So the thing is, you can have sex with men if you don't want a serious relationship or to lead to marriage. Like I'm not saying don't have fun and get your pipes cleaned out. I've done it a million times. We all have. But when you're on the road to wanting a serious relationship, the animal of the male is quite different than the female. So you are trying to say to him, slow it down.

Get to know me. Let me get to see if you even like him. That is usually a two to three month process. Most people go three and it's twice a week that you see the guy and you pull back because he will fall in love with you and let him do things for you.

Like if he needs to build your IKEA shelves in your house, let him do it. If he needs to walk your dog or, you know, take your garbage out, let him do it. Because that's how men fall in love. This is science. I am not saying this. I think men fall in love through sex, frankly. They do not. So that's my experience. Women fall. Well, you're gay. There's a difference. Women fall in love through sex.

Men fall in love by doing things for women. I have a question. And Bianca, this is going to piggyback on your question. How long, like 30 days from when? From like the first day you met or from the first date? First date. Wow. How many dates have you been on

Bianca, with this man. I've been seeing him for a month and a half, and we've been seeing each other like one to two times a week. Good, perfect. Eight days? My sister told it, yeah, a bit like, yeah. My sister said to wait six months. No, no, no, no, that's too long. That's too long. I think you're ready. No, wait, let me ask you a question. Did he ask you for monogamy in the sober light of day?

Did you have the talk? No. Okay. So you're going to go over to Amazon. You're going to download my book, become your own matchmaker. There's a whole chapter on how to negotiate monogamy and it gives you the words. You won't even just memorize the words. Okay. Take them out to cat to coffee or like lunch in the middle of the day. Do not do it at home. Don't do it at night. Okay. And then say the words and watch what he does. If he says, Oh my God,

God, of course we're exclusive. You want to hear him say it. But if he says, well, you know, we never had sex. I really don't know you that well. I got to drive the car before I buy it. Then he's not your guy. Bianca, have you been naked yet with him? No. Not at all. No. Good job. It's time to give him something. He's thinking about her. He's asking all of his friends. We have great dates. We have great chemistry. When she has sex with him, he's going to commit. No. That's my theory. That's not the way it works. Call back, Bianca, because I really think. Jeff, you and I have always disagreed.

I feel like it's time to start doing stuff. Maybe not like in. No, you can fool around. Look, you can get naked and go skinny dipping. I have no problem. You just can't put it in. No, you got to give him a handy or a blowjob. Look, and he's got to touch her too. Yes, true. It's like it's equal quid pro quo. But the thing is, the longer you wait, the more he falls in love with you. And our second caller after you is going to prove my theory.

Okay, Bianca, you're getting close. Okay, so you're going to have to do something soon. How soon should we have the monogamy check? Okay, so when he hits on you sexually, like you're sitting on the couch and you're watching a movie and then he starts fondling and kissing you. That's when you go, hey, listen, I am so attracted to you. I'm having the best time. Okay, but I'm just not the type of girl to go there. I'm a one-woman man. Stop. Bianca, is he initiating sex with you at all?

No, but he asked me to go to his beach house Vacation! That's it! How many days have you- You're doing it right! Wait, has he not made out with you? Hang on. Yeah. Jameson, hang on. No, no. Okay, could he be gay? Could he be gay? There's a lot of gay trying to be straight. No, no, not at all. Why are you looking at me? No, no, no, no. He's in oil and gas. He's 61. He's very, like, Texas.

- I know, but he hasn't kissed you. - Okay, so listen. - I haven't kissed at all. - My girlfriend went out with a guy for two months and he pulled the stunt like the way he's pulling with you. And that might mean, is he over 50? - He's 61. - His testosterone's dropped and he has to go get his hormones checked. - Shoot him up. - He might need that horny goatee. - She doesn't want a project. - So that's a project. - But he's in oil and gas. - What you need to do-- - He just needs a pellet. - You need to do is just use your vibrator until he's ready.

And then it'll come out. But you're going to probably have to take him when you get him for testosterone. Well, why don't we go to the beach house first? Let's go to the beach house. Let's see what happens, Bianca. And if nothing happens, we're done.

We're done. But like, what you need to do is find his history in dating. Like, did he have a lot of guy friends and there's not a lot of girls in him? He's not gay. He's probably just not into it anymore. How do you not know he's gay? We see a lot of these gay men. His testosterone, I've been there. The testosterone has dropped. You are absolutely right. I know. But we also need to figure out which side of the street he's on. Here,

I don't think he's gay. You could be on both sides of the street just saying. Oh, Oscar. Oscar knows. Oscar doesn't know. Oscar's bi. He's bi. Oscar doesn't know. Okay. All right, Bianca, thank you. Keep us posted. All right. Blair in Florida, line two. Hi, Blair.

Hey, how are you guys? Hey, Blair. So I've been a big fan of Patty's forever. Thank you. And I completely agree with her. Yes. And I'm living proof because I made my husband wait. Well, when we were first dating. Yep. And Patty's right. If you are young ladies out there, if you want to have fun, that's fine. But if it's somebody you think...

that you possibly would want to marry, you got to make them wait. Because when I was younger, I would always tell my friends the longer they're waiting to find out what it's like. My husband, now my husband for over 23 years, he told me he loved me. We were completely monogamous before we had sex. Yep. My guess is, Blair, you're hot.

That's your hot. And then someone is going to wait five months for a hot. Yeah. So, and it was probably like. No, we were engaged. We didn't wait five months. It was maybe, I'd have to do the exact math. It was maybe six weeks or two months. But then we were engaged. We went from five months to six months. We started dating like around October. Uh-huh.

Okay. No, the five months I told Oscar I was engaged in five months. She got engaged in five months. So here's the thing. You're also good in bed. I had a three-carat ring. You're good in bed. So what happened is you waited six weeks, you had sex with him, and you closed the deal. You closed the deal. That's what I was telling Bianca. But also 23 years ago, I think men were different. Men today, I don't know what's going on. They drank the plastic water. They all have estrogen in them. They're all like, you know, like the plastic water. My theory. Yes. And look, I'm not saying

I'm like... You know, everybody forgets. I'm psychic. I'm intuitive. I knew Blair Lively was going to win this case. They all told me I was crazy. I'm a shiggin' and nuts. Where are we going with this? And so the point is that I read vibration. I read vibration. I don't just look at it like that. I'm very psychic. So it's like the men are getting very feminine. They are. They're very feminine. So Blair is an exception because...

She's hot and she was good in bed. And he fell in love with her after he had sex with her. I rest my case. I rest my case. Thanks for calling, Blair. Can we have another expert come on one day when I'm here with a science expert? Like one of the famous relationship experts that do science. We don't need experts. We've got me. With Westermeyer's dead, but somebody like that. Because I want to prove my theory on vasopressin. Oh, right. I've heard about this. Is this Alana? Is it Alana or Aliana? Alayna. Alayna.

Canada. Line one. Oh. Yep. Elena. What's up, Elena? Canada's very different. Canada's different. They're very nice. The rules are different up there. Canada's different. I've dated a lot of Canadians. Oh, I dated a Canadian. Yeah. I was in love with a Canadian from Montreal. Okay, let's talk to...

Hi. Hi. What's your question? Elena. Elena. I just wanted to say that I had sex with my partner on the first date, and we've been together 21 years. There you go. And you're probably really hot, too. You're hot and good in bed. Well, she's Canadian. They're giving. Is that man or woman? They're giving.

I think waiting is game playing. Wait, is she gay or straight? Straight. It's game playing. When you're waiting three to four to five months, you're game playing. I'm sorry, I'm out. Well, Jeff, you're not a girl. Ask the straight guy right there. Jeff, you're not a girl.

You don't have, look, men don't have feelings like us. We could commit suicide if somebody breaks up with us because they didn't do it right. You're just on to the next one. When I deal with my gay guys, they go one to the next to the next to the next. And straight guys do too because they don't want to feel their feelings. We spend years figuring out what went wrong. Well, I'm glad it worked out for you. Way to go, Elena. Elena, go for you, Ken.

Canada in the house. Did you want to promote your pheromone sprays? Yeah, I mean, I'm not really working with them anymore, but I love the company. It's Matchmaker Fragrance. It's pheromones. You have to get them through them online on IHaveLove.com. But-

Eyeoflove.com. Yeah, that's where they are. We all just sprayed it on and you're going to find the love of your life. I still use it. They're like family to me. They just don't want to grow. They don't want to get into Ulta and Sephora and I really like to start seeing that happen. I will say I've tried several of the pheromone sprays that you have given me. My favorite is the Matchmaker Black

- Yes, the black diamond. - Is that the one I gave you? - Yeah, it's a pretty bottle, number one. Number two, you can wear it as a cologne. So I think you get, you know, it smells great. People compliment me when I wear it, but it's also, it has the pheromones. - And if the fragrance goes away, it's still in your system in your bloodstream. So it's still excreting pheromones, which is really nice.

But I mean. I want to excrete pheromones. Yeah. There you are. You're excreting. You already have a boyfriend. You have to excrete. Stop excreting. You can excrete. Were you wearing it when you met him in the bar? I was. I was. There you go. You were excreting. You were excreting. Tracy in Houston. Oh, she's upset with me. Line one. What did you do? Hi, Tracy. Hi, Tracy. Can you hear me? Yeah. What's up, Tracy?

Okay, I just wanted to say, I think there's like a happy medium between how Jeff feels and how Patty feels. Because yes, I think you need like monogamy and him to say I love you first, but I don't think you need to make him wait a full three months. Like I did two months, and I'm coming up on five years of marriage. So I think there's a happy medium, if that makes sense.

I agree, Tracy. But two months is a lot, too. It's like you got to take... I just don't feel like we're going to hear... Like, Kelly Dodds is one of the questions, and she's on, and she's like, I slept with Rick on the first date. I'm like, okay, great. That's the exception to the rule. That wasn't for me. It's not for everybody. Yeah, it's not for everybody. And you have to take it... Everybody has...

everybody's going to trial and error until they find where they live. I'm a person like I can't feel safe sexually unless I have monogamy. Right. Right. Tracy, my guess is you're good looking. You're good looking and that's why your husband waited two months. Oh my God, Jeff, you're just like the best. Jeff's like a hairdresser. You know you get a hairdresser and they tell you how beautiful you are all the time? No, I'll tell you, if you're fugly, if you're fugly, you should not wait.

Oh, right. And you better be good at you better be good at something. So you got to know how to do a good blowjob. Correct. Oh, yeah. You better be real good in bed if you're fugly. So you go to your gay best friend guy and you say, teach me how to give a good blowjob. That's what I did in high school. That's what I did in high school. Or if you look like Tracy, you can wait two months and it's on your terms. But the problem is we don't all look like Tracy. Yeah, but everybody can get GLP now. So everybody can.

Well, then there's that. GLP. O-Zempic. Not O-Zempic, it's Terra Zip-Tide. Nobody is on O-Zempic. Everybody's on Terra Zip-Tide. Why doesn't everybody know that? Terra Zip-Tide with an N-A-D. Everybody's on it. That's why they all go. I didn't know about Terra. I didn't know about Terra either. It's the number one. Nobody is on O-Zempic. Wait, how do I spell that? Terra Zip-Tide. Terra Zip-Tide. But it's got N-A-D in it now. It's got N-A-D in it. Oh, that's the best of both worlds. I will give you all. Why are you just telling us this now? Because you just started.

- What are you talking about? - Jesus, thank you Tracy. - You can all be hot, everybody can be hot. - Yeah, 'cause that's what I was thinking, Jeff. I was like, I don't think you really need your Weight Watchers. I think you might just, you know, take a shower. - Why are you taking-- - I need to excrete more. - So you're doing points? - Excrete! - You're doing points now? - He's about to. - Ashley in Seattle, line four. - He's skinny, he's skinny, bro. He's skinny. - Depends on the day. - I think he's hot the way he looks right now. - Hi, can you hear me? - You're perfect just the way you are. - Ashley, we're running out of time, Ashley. You gotta hurry. - I got two minutes. - Oh, we can't get to Kelly, that's a bummer. - Oh, I just-- - What? - Go ahead, baby. - I just wanted to say,

I am with Jeff. I waited three dates and I've been with my husband for 13 years. And you're hot and you're hot and that's why. And you got some fun. And I got engaged after three weeks. And you probably give great head. So there you go. Hot with head. Do you, Ashley? No. No.

Well, you're doing something right, Ashley. Or your cooch is tight. What can I say? Tight cooch. Shut up to the tight cooch. TC, TC, TC. That's where you're going to really excrete from. That's right. The tighter you are, the quicker you get the ring. Go ahead, Ashley. Thanks for listening. If you want more of this, listen to Jeff Lewis live every weekday on Sirius XM as well as the Jeff Lewis channel exclusively on the Sirius XM app.

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