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Say yes to summer and get cash back on many of your favorite brands with PayPal, which, let's face it, comes in very handy during the summertime. Everyone is ready for summer activities, which is why using PayPal is a great way to say yes to the summertime fun. Say yes to getting an extra jet ski for your summer cabin. Heck, say yes to the summer fun.
Say yes to getting another jet ski. Make sure to download the PayPal app. An account with PayPal is required to send and receive money. Redeem points for cash and other options. Terms apply. Guys, I'm a professional comedian, allegedly. So believe me when I tell you I know what is and is not a joke. You know what's not a joke anymore? Boost Mobile. I know what you're thinking. Don't they sell those burner phones I used to call my mistress with?
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So now it's just an open letter. Dear Aaron Rodgers, I'm sorry you weren't drafted earlier. Now, please calm the fuck down. You know, in the history of the world, the smartest person in the room has never announced that they are the smartest person in the room.
Just take a deep breath. I used to like Aaron Rodgers, the Green Bay Packers version. Then he became a jet, and you have to constantly tell everybody how smart you are, and fuck, do I find it tiresome.
I mean, I hate the Jets. Is that what this is about? Maybe. I just, I just hate the Jets. I've always hated the Jets the most in the AFC East. You didn't hate the Patriots? Well, sure. I hated Tom Brady. I hated that every championship they won was because they were the best at cheating that year. You know, Buffalo.
They're, they're obnoxious, but you lose four Superbowls and I, and I have a soft spot for you.
You start turning a blind eye. I hope for Buffalo, I hope the current Buffalo Bills, I hope they do a 30 for 30 about that two and a half year period they had potential. Wouldn't that be a riveting 30 for 30? Remember that two and a half years the Buffalo Bills had potential? You know why the tradition started by Bills Mafia jumping on tables? Do you know where that originally came from?
Originally, it was so they could die. Because that's how fucking horrible living in Buffalo is. Anyway.
I want to get back on topic of my Aaron Rodgers rant here. The whole thing with him and Jimmy Kimmel over which one of them is a pedophile, I don't know. I don't know how it worked. By the way, neither of them are pedophiles or they're both pedophiles. I don't fucking know. That's not my concern. My kids will never play with either one of them unsupervised. Okay.
But gun to your head, honestly, gun to your head, which one of them would you think is a pedophile? Jimmy Kimmel, who you've seen on TV for 30 years, may.
married couple kids and seems like just a normal dude or the other guy who always gets engaged to celebrities and then right before they get married, just mysteriously calls off the wedding at the last minute.
has a super Christian family that doesn't approve of his lifestyle and has no relationship with him whatsoever. Oh, and he has an extremely creepy mustache.
Gun to your head. Which one do you go, ooh, if I had to pick one of these as a pedophile? By the way, I don't know that Aaron Rodgers has a publicist, but do you think his publicist was like, hey, before you go on television accusing people of pedophiles, could you shave the mustache?
Just please shave the mustache. It's that's my only thing. All right. Anyway, by the way, so he does this, not apology. He, you know, whatever. He's still feuding with Jimmy because Jimmy made a joke at his expense. And, you know,
He goes, then he goes on this long COVID rant. And he, by the way, he starts the COVID rant in the most pretentious way possible. He's like, I know it's a novel concept, but I like to read. Fuck you. Fuck.
Fuck you. Oh, you like to read and you've done all this research. So, you know, every, you know, who else likes to read tons and tons of Catholic priests who have molested boys. So maybe reading's not so great. Maybe a little less time reading more time, scrolling Instagram and jerking off and the world would be a better place.
Oh, by the way, on his COVID rant, he said he had lots of friends that were small business owners that lost everything due to the COVID shutdown. Really? You did? You had tons of friends that lost everything? I'd like to see that list.
Send me that list of all your friends that were small business owners that lost everything. Because my friends that were small business thrived during the shutdown because they just took all these government handouts. They did amazing. He also brought up Bobby Kennedy.
And that should immediately, the conversation should end there. First time I met Bobby Kennedy, this is what he said to me. I introduced him to my wife. He goes, oh, Daniel, Daniel, I thought you were gay. I'm like, okay, yeah, you should be president. Your gaydar's off. By the way, you made one pass.
in 2023, and it was incomplete, and made over $37 million. Why don't you just give all of your friends that lost everything 100 grand? I bet you they'd bounce right back. What do you think?
It wouldn't even affect them. This is one year in a very long, prolific career. Just one year. Just say, oh, I'm going to divvy up this 37 million since I only threw one pass this year and it was dropped. I'm going to go ahead and help all my friends who lost everything.
You know what else he did? He then brought up surfers, which I was like, oh, here we go. He talked about the pandemic and how you need vitamin D and blah, blah, blah, and how surfers were being arrested for surfing. Oh, really? You know what I did during the pandemic in California? Surfed every day with my friends, and none of us were arrested. So quit turning into the clickbait you fucking pretend you hate. So annoying. By the way, I don't have a problem if—
with him if he would just come out and be like, hey, this is what I think. But it's when you start saying stuff like, this is what happened, and Fauci is a murderer, and he wants everyone dead. It's like...
couldn't, couldn't you be wrong? Like, that's all I want. I just want him to be like, oh, I could be wrong, but this is what I believe. And by the way, could, could I be wrong? Yes. Could my doctors be wrong? Yes. Of course they could. I have, I have no problem saying that, but, but if there's a sword I'm going to fall on, it's going to be that. Like, I'm not going to be like, oh, my wife and my kids died. Oh my goodness. How, how
How did they die? Well, I listened to my award-winning doctors from Beverly Hills instead of the quarterback for the Jets. Zach Wilson? No! Not fucking Zach Wilson. The other one that reads.
You know, the other guy that reads a bunch of books. I listened. I should have listened to him. And now instead, my wife and kids are dead because I listened to doctors that told me this was the right thing to do. Oh, I'm so mad at myself. I don't even know why.
Aaron Rodgers is still employed by the Jets in the first place. The guy should have been canceled long ago for sending those dick pics to the staffers. That's actually Brett Favre. They're all the same. They're all, all the quarterbacks are the same. That was Brett Favre. Fuck the Jets.
Fuck the Jets! Fuck the Jets! Fuck the Jets! Say yes to summer and get cash back on many of your favorite brands with PayPal, which, let's face it, comes in very handy during the summertime. Everyone is ready for summer activities, which is why using PayPal is a great way to say yes to the summertime fun. Say yes to getting an extra jet ski for your summer cabin. Heck, say yes to the summer fun!
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