My Airstream Guy - Scott
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Say yes to getting another jet ski. Make sure to download the PayPal app. An account with PayPal is required to send and receive money. Redeem points for cash and other options. Terms apply. Guys, I'm a professional comedian, allegedly. So believe me when I tell you I know what is and is not a joke. You know what's not a joke anymore? Boost Mobile. I know what you're thinking. Don't they sell those burner phones I used to call my mistress with?

No, I mean they did, but that's not what I'm talking about. Boost Mobile's offering unlimited talk, text, and data for just $25 a month forever, so you can laugh all the way to the bank. Actually, don't laugh all the way to the bank. You'll look crazy. The Boost Mobile network includes roaming coverage from partner networks, which cover 99% of the U.S. population. After 30 gigabytes, customers may experience slower speeds. Customers will pay $25 a month as long as they remain active on the Boost unlimited plan. The big game or big mods?

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God, it was a lot. Let me tell you something. A podocarpus can only take so much of your urine. That would be the plant right behind the gate that looked like it was dying? Yes. Tosh Show. Tosh Show. Tosh Show for show. This is Tosh Show. That was a new sign-on.

Man, I'm in a good mood today. Why are you in such a good mood? OJ Simpson dead. That's right. Oh, say what you want about OJ Simpson, but he was a murderer. Yes, he was. I actually worry that those two murders will negatively affect his legacy. These are tribute jokes for Norm MacDonald. RIP, Norm. I wonder if anyone has said with OJ dying, have they said...

This one hurts. That always bugs me when I read something. Oh, this one hurts. Or when they go, oh, 2024. Come on. Like, ease up. Well, Eddie, I hope you're excited because today I'm debuting...

A new segment. I'm excited. I came up with this the other day when I was watching some basketball. And I'm like, this is going to be a great new segment. I'm calling it Front Row Face-Off.

This is the Lakers versus the Pacers edition. All right. Okay, here's how the game's played. You show me a photo of the front row at a Lakers game or a Pacers game, and I have to guess which one it is. All right, Eddie, give me the first one. Here you go. Okay. That seems like a dead giveaway because it's just all middle-aged white men

One guy's wearing an Indy shirt. And I can see the floor. So I know this is Indianapolis, right? Yes, it is. But look at these people. I mean...

These are the people that love to make fun of California. By the way, I have shows coming up in Indianapolis, and I can't wait to mock them in person. But as I look out at that rich selection of diversity, and you have to understand, this is the front row. So these are the richest people in Indianapolis, and they know they're going to be on TV, so they're wearing their best clothes. Yeah.

Just oozing with style. All right. Well, that one was pretty easy. All right. Let me see the next one. Okay. I'm going to guess Los Angeles Lakers. You got Megan Thee Stallion showing her sweet cleave. Oh, man. A bunch of Lakers. I don't know who her friend is. Good God. Is she a smoke show too? And this is the city you shit on? Right.

You look at our front row and you're like, oh, LA sucks. Oh, okay. Yeah, no, it sucks so bad. All right, show me another one. See if I can go three for three. All right, here we go. Okay, look at this. I'm going to guess Los Angeles again. Why do you say that? I mean, there's just a lot of style. Dressing to the nines, looking great. You got any more? Yeah, here's another one.

Indianapolis. Am I right? Yep. Oh, a bunch of honkies. Look at all those honkies. Just rows and rows of honkies. You see all those honkies? Honkies and khakis. Honkies and khakis. Those two go hand in hand. That's a good one. I love Indianapolis. Way to go, guys. All right, and that's our new game. I like it. Front row face-off. That was the Lakers Pacers edition. Speaking of trailer trash, I own a trailer.

Yeah, not so Hollywood elitist now, am I? I love my in-laws so much that I had a mobile home parked in front of my house so they could feel more like the Florida trash they are. It's a 1987 Acela Airstream. Had it completely renovated.

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Guys, I'm a professional comedian, allegedly. So believe me when I tell you I know what is and is not a joke. You know what's not a joke anymore? The economy, the climate, and most importantly, Boost Mobile. I know what you're thinking.

Don't they sell those burner phones I used to call my mistress with? No. I mean, they did, but that's not what I'm talking about. Boost Mobile is a major player. Right up there with Verizon or T-Mobile. And now, they also have a legit nationwide 5G network. Boost Mobile has coverage across 99% of America. They are not a joke anymore, guys. Seriously. They are no setups, punchlines, callbacks, none of it. They are serious assholes.

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♪♪♪

Today's guest helped me turn my front yard into a trailer park. Please welcome the Airstream contractor to the star. I'm the star, Scott. Scott, lovely to have you. Thank you, sir. What do you want to start with? Your fascinating and riveting life story or working on my actual Airstream? Let's start with the Airstream. So I bought an Airstream because that's what...

Fucking people in Malibu do. A 1987 33-foot Accelia. I paid $23,000 for it. It was destroyed. It's dented on the outside. The inside was pretty much gutted. By the way, I was allowed. I had agreed with my wife. We agreed on a 19-foot Accelia.

But they didn't have a 19-foot. They had a 33-foot. And the guy's like, got to buy it now, man. These things are going quick. And I'm like, oh, okay. So I brought it back. Then I had to get it wedged in, and that took about seven hours.

with 15 people trying to wedge it into its little parking spot. My wife also said, you cannot get stressed out about this. So I was like, fine, it's just a fun little project. We're going to renovate an Airstream. And by renovate, I'm going to hire someone to do all the work. Then lo and behold,

My neighbor, our couple house is down, and we're not going to say who, but I live in a celebrity enclave. This person, Academy Award winning. They had bought an old Airstream around the same time, and you had finished up on it. And I was like, oh, well, if it's good enough for an Academy Award winner, send this guy my way. I don't need to do any research. You had never really done this before, correct? Correct. Correct.

Ha ha ha!

How did you get into building multiple Airstreams on my street? Oh, boy. That's a long story. That's good. As you know a little bit from the background, I'd worked in the movie industry for a while as a prop maker. I know a lot about you because one thing I'm going to tell people right now, you can talk. This is true. All right, let's get into it. All right. So you were a prop maker on movies. Yeah, I got into the film business later in life. I guess you'd say it was in my—well, I got into prop making when I was 40.

How old are you? I'm...

54. You're 54? You still look good. Thank you. I mean, not you still look good. You look good. When I finally got into working in props, I'd already had a stint in just about every trade for a little while. Okay. When you work in props, there's no rules on how to do anything. So I had free reign to kind of pull from all the experience of all the different trades. It made me really good at being a prop maker. It gave me a lot of advantages. With props, though, and television, it doesn't matter if it lasts long. It doesn't matter if it functions well, in my experience.

It just matters if it looks good and does what they need it to do for that split moment that it's on film, which is terrifying when it comes to needing someone to build you a home that someone's going to live in and drive down the road. Right. All right, go on. When I got to working on your Airstream in particular, because I'd worked in construction and whatnot, I had some experience about what it would take to –

create something with some longevity. Okay. Right? And I kind of put the pressure on myself to be moving fast like you would for a film shoot. Uh-huh. But I was able to settle in and say, well, I got to build this as if I'm going to live in it. You know? Yeah.

That's the only way I could figure it out. So I kind of ended up taking a little more time than I would have liked, but everything I did was based on the idea you're probably going to want to enjoy it for a good 10, 20 years. My wife was pregnant right when you were coming aboard to start the job, and we talked briefly, and I said, Scott, how long is this going to take? I need this finished by the birth of my daughter. And you said, no problem. No problem.

Did you not? You said no problem. I believe I said that, yes. Right, right, right. You said two months. You're like, I can do this in two months. I believed I could get it done in two months. Right, right. Now, it took 11, about 11. It might have been more like nine. Nine months, fine. The same amount of time it took my wife to grow a human in her belly is how long it took. Here's the thing. I don't care.

Two months or nine months. I mean, I just finished going through construction hell. I had the Wolseley fire that burnt my house. I had four years of permits to build my house, then another four years. So I've seen real delays. So it didn't really bother me, but I felt like you felt...

uh, a little bit of pressure. I did feel a lot of pressure. I was, was it, I was like putting it on you. No, it was more like I made the commitment. And then at some point I realized, wow, this is a lot more effort than I was expecting. Right. Because you had never done it before. Not one that size. Now I didn't have any real plans. Were you at any point going like, ah,

this guy has no idea what he's talking about? Or were you like fine with how vague I was? I've done a couple other builds, making small homes. I converted a van for somebody once and I did other similar work. I just kind of knew I'm going to get this thing cleared. I'll get a couple of walls in where he wants it.

And once he starts to see it look like a house, that's when the wish list will come out. I would like this detail here. It usually comes in the form of, hey, I was just thinking, could you? And then you throw out something that probably wasn't discussed at any given point. I mean, I feel like I had stayed pretty true to what I wanted the whole way through. You're pretty good, yeah. Okay. Do you remember what your quote was for me of how much it was going to cost? I don't remember. Okay.

54,000 is what you gave me as a quote. We'll be coming. 52, 53? 70. 70. 70. But again, guess what?

I think that was perfect. Okay, good. I don't have any problem with that. If you give me a quote of 54 and it's 70 is the actual, that to me is an honest person. You can tell you're a builder. Look at that. You got yourself a, no, I just meant just the one dead nail that you smashed. Yeah. Are you licensed and bonded? No, not at all.

I don't even know what licensed and bonded mean. I just know I've read that my entire life on the side of people's trucks. Does that mean that if you fall and get hurt in my yard that you can't sue me? No, not at all. Oh, you still could sue me? I could totally have sued you, yeah. Oh, man. That would have been horrible. That's my future health care plan. How many times, estimate, do you think you peed in my yard? It was nine months, eight months.

God, it was a lot. Let me tell you something. A podocarpus can only take so much of your urine. That would be the plant right behind the gate that looked like it was dying? Yes. I apologize. Not only did it look like it was dying, you were aiming for the drain underneath it, I could tell. Right. But there's just dead leaves all around it. And then I want to point out, by the way,

invited to come into my home. You never chose to do that. You never knocked on the door and said, I need you to the bathroom. You always, you always went out to the side of the yard, but the stench after a while I had, I had to start, I want you to know, I had a weekly hose down that area. Just, just to be fair. It wasn't just me.

Agreed. And to be fair, I told you, hey, if I'm not here ever, you can go pee right here. That is a spot. And I do remember in the beginning, I made an effort to move around that space and try to hit different plants. I did. But.

Then I kind of lost enthusiasm. Why are Airstreams such a pain in the ass? They seem like, when you walk around and start looking at the construction, very simple, elegant, and effective. And I think that all the ones we're doing remodels on have been driven down the road for a couple hundred thousand miles and just had the shit beat out of them. You can't have something put together with 10,000 rivets.

and be 40 years old and not leak? I mean, how much time did you spend sealing her up? I think we dedicated two solid weeks just to fixing the leaks and then...

Boy, throughout a couple different reigns, throughout the rest of the project, we discover a few more. And yeah, it was... By the way, Airstream should sponsor this show. And then I could film this show out of an Airstream. You, Airstream, give us a brand new Airstream. One of the beautiful ones, too. A big, huge one. All right, good. Did my driveway chickens bother you? Only their aroma. Oh, really? There was a... I'm not sure if it was your sewers backing up, but...

For like about an hour every day, there'd be a bit of a stench emanating from right around there. I guess I never noticed my chickens smelling. It was kind of disturbing to look at them, watch them do their thing. They'd turn around and that area around the cloaca would be kind of muddy and mucky. That was kind of hard to look at. Did you ever learn my chickens' names? Oh, boy. You told them once. You told me once. They're grandparents. Right. Oh, good memory. Remember that. Betty, Katie, and Hazel. I

I couldn't tell you which one was which. Betty is black. All you have to remember is, oh, black Betty. I liked having you out in the driveway because it's always fun to come out there and see the progress or see your frustration or watch you. I don't mean this in a disrespectful way. Are you a little clumsy?

Boy, it sure was in your driveway that time around. I felt like I watched you stumble in and out of that Airstream. Man, I could not negotiate the depth of that step. I don't know what it was. For four months, it was just your toolbox. Yes, exactly.

And how many times did you hit your head getting out of the Airstreams? Twice. Once in the beginning. Uh-huh. And you generally do that once. Like, okay, I've established that height. And then, boy, towards the end, I got myself good. By the way, you had help at the beginning. The people that you would bring, no experience in.

in building either. You're like, oh, this guy is a writer and he's got some time off, so he's just going to help me. Then you brought one guy over to work and he wouldn't stop insisting on painting a mural.

In the bedroom. And I was like, I don't want a fucking mural, man. How do I say this nicely? You could have just said it just like that. I didn't. I just said, no, I think we're good. Or my wife's going to handle the artwork. And he's like, no, tell him I want to paint a mural in here. I think when he heard your wife was going to handle the artwork, he was really nervous for you. That was Nate. Nate, if you're listening, you did wonderful work. You did great work. Just, you know. Nate's actually a fine art painter.

That's sort of his milieu is bringing that sort of life to things. Here's the difference between a white person in construction versus a lot of times the Latino people. They would be in my driveway at 6 a.m. till 2.30. They avoid traffic on both sides. You, different style.

show up around 11, stay until it's uncomfortable, and I'm walking outside at 9 p.m. telling you, hey, fucking wrap this shit up. Wrap it up. We have a noise ordinance. Yeah. I tried coming earlier. There's just so much traffic from the part of town I was coming. Of course. I mean, there was kind of no way to avoid it. And then when I was on a schedule to get started better—

I was stopping at one of three different Home Depots almost every day. Are all Home Depot layouts the same? Pretty damn close. You know your way around real well? I think so, yeah. You ever ask for help or no? No, I don't need to ask for help at Home Depot. By the way, what's the best power tool to buy? You talking brand or the internet? Yeah, brand. Brand, oh boy. I think right now Milwaukee is probably the best. Milwaukee, I think I've got Milwaukee. Milwaukee, why don't you send me some more shit?

I love Milwaukee. They should be a sponsor of this podcast. Milwaukee. I don't think I have Milwaukee. I think I have Makita. Is Makita not good?

If you like that sort of thing. What does that mean? Yeah, that seems like... Well, they're Asian designed and made, so they're a little more elegant. And we Americans like things that hit hard and bash things. So Milwaukee and DeWalt pack a little more punch with the batteries. Interesting. It's weird how everything, you know, there's lines that are drawn. I'm not foreign to working with tools. Or you think I am?

You didn't look particularly handy. Whoa. I'll give you this, though. When you talked about adding that little badge or emblem to the electric car you got for your son, you talked about the hardware, and you said, how would I go about this? And I said, double-stick tape. And I realized I could see the reaction on your face. And, oh, Daniel actually knows what I'm talking about in this instance. Well, then I know what double-stick tape is. He realized it was a better option than using hardware to penetrate the surface of the brand-new car. Yep.

I gave you a few points out of that. That's all. So I know how to tape something. Eddie here, he has a little cabin in Tahoe. And all the time, just is like, oh, I'm putting in a new bathroom. And I'm like, I know you. You don't have any ability to do this. And he's like, yeah, well, you watch YouTube videos and you figure it out. And he does it. And does it look good? No.

It doesn't look, it looks better. Right. It also looks like somebody that, oh, this was your first time. Good, good try. Yeah. I'm going to show photos of your bathroom. Like a grade schooler. You can. I mean, it does look better. It looks better. Yeah.

It doesn't look amazing. I wouldn't say amazing, but that could be some of your design choices, and that's just a difference of an opinion. By the way, were there any of my decorating or design ideas that you thought, this is not going to look good, or color choices, and now that you see it, go, okay. I was not a fan of the penny tile in the shower. Oh, interesting. I like penny tile, but the color was, I don't know, something about it, it just...

It just didn't work for me. Pink? Yeah. Yeah. Well, normally in a shower you would have, if you're going to go with penny tile, it's normally on the floor and you would counter it with something else on the walls where you just kind of went everywhere in it. Yeah. It does look better now that it's complete. Now, once we had the hardwood floor in and then we had the off-white everywhere and then the two wallpapered walls, that helped quite a bit. You still don't seem like you like it. To this day, it would not be my choice.

You're completely wrong. Let me tell you something. Everyone, everyone loves that shower. I'll stand corrected. When I first met you, we started talking about in your life. Interesting. Fascinating. Fascinating for sure. Okay. Can we get into it? Go for it. All right. Let's start with just off the top of my head. You were adopted. Yes.

So I grew up in San Diego, and my parents told me from a very early age that I was adopted at birth. We didn't really get into it. So you were born in San Diego? I was born in San Diego, yes. I was actually, come to find out, I was released to them the very next day. Oh.

Ah, okay. So it was probably during the pregnancy, this was all worked out. Correct. Uh-huh. And then I grew to 50 years old, not really knowing anything else about it. Never wanted to? Not really, because I felt like I had my family. Of course. You know? But still, I've looked into adoption before. I've been very interested in it my whole life, of adopting a child. But my wife wanted to have her own children. Uh-huh.

as a lot of people do. And I'm not, that's been great too. I'm still open to it. And I think now maybe that'll be something we can do. But now I've learned there's no more of these closed adoptions or secret adoptions where you don't get to know the information. The parents' information now is just, it's

readily available. Okay, sorry. I have a comment about that. Go ahead. So I think it was maybe 2006 when I went to get my marriage license at the county clerk's office in San Diego. The clerk took my information, confirmed my social security number, and then said, hey, are you aware you're adopted? And I said,

Yeah. As a matter of fact, I am. He said, well, do you want to contact your birth parents? No one had ever put that to me before. And I said, well, no, I guess not. And he goes, why do you ask? I said, well, it says right here, the information's available and says you're free to contact if you like. What a weird thing for him to do. Yeah.

That's I mean, borderline, he's an insane person, but he's probably has a monotonous job and rarely gets to have any fun. And he's like, watch me blow this dude's mind. Totally. In hindsight that day, you should have just been like, you know what? Just rip that marriage license up and walk out of it. Boy, that is that is correct. Yeah. When I met you, you're like, hey, you were going through a divorce.

You're like, but you still lived with your wife, your ex-wife. Yes. So I think that explains why I was having to kick you out at 10 o'clock at night. That might have had something to do with it.

So this is 2006, back when things were so sunny. So sunny. So full of optimism. The beginning of a relationship. Yeah, it was amazing. Okay. And he tells you this. Little does he know, he just put a seed in your head that eventually is going to explode. So in 2017, my father died. And in that year following, I started thinking about

What about my birth parents? Do I have any other family? And so I simply called the county clerk's office in San Diego and said, I'm ready to have that information now. And the response was actually, there was a bit of a foul up.

We weren't supposed to be letting any of that information out. And this was apparently a statewide mistake somehow. And they said, now the law stands that every adoption is sealed. So they were unwilling to give me any information. And then later I filed some kind of a form, applied for it, for the information for adoption.

bunch of different excuses. And they came back and said, look, unless you have a medical emergency, the doctor gives you a note and says, we need to know what's going on in their family. You're not going to find out about this. Okay. Not through us. This is where it gets a little weird. I don't think I've told you this part. So I think the following year,

I was with a friend and she said, hey, do you want to go to this giant medium event? And I said, what's this? The way she's setting this up, the answer is 100% no. I don't want to go to this. So 20 bucks a head, you fill a small auditorium. Two mediums sit in, psychics, if you will, sit at the stage and they talk about what it's like to contact people in different ways and living and dead.

And then everyone's allowed to ask one question. Okay. And just to add a little drama, I ended up being on one side of the room. So I was the last person they asked.

And I said, hi, I grew up adopted. I'm wondering, are my birth parents alive? Okay. And I figured that was a good question because if this was just the whole cold read technique where it's a, you know, it's some kind of a parlor trick, they both seemed a little flummoxed. They asked me a few questions here and there and they said, sorry, can't really, can't really help you. And I was like, no, see, it's bullshit, right? It's complete bullshit. That's what you needed to know that it was complete bullshit. Well, as I walked out,

One of them pulled me aside and said, hey, we don't like to respond with any negative things, right? So I didn't want to say this in front of a room full of people and have you take it wrong. She said, your birth father is dead, your birth mother is alive, and she doesn't necessarily want to be contacted by you. Oh, fuck off. Right? So that seems odd. Odd, yeah.

Ah, no, it just seems insane. Well, it segues. Here we go. Okay, all right. So then later, just deciding I really want to know what the genetic makeup is, I do 23andMe. And my first cousin, Marlene, if you're listening, thank you again. My cousin Marlene is on Instagram, and she immediately calls me and spills the beans about my whole family living on the East Coast. My birth father had, in fact, died. He had died the same week as the man who raised me that I thought of my father.

And who was your father? Yes. Even though you say you thought of him as your, I, I, I, okay. Okay. Good. I just want to call, I call him dad. He's dad. Fine. So dad and bio dad. A week apart. The same week in August of 2017. Yeah. Huh? Neary. Well, yeah. Now if she'd have brought that up, the median. She was actually correct as well. The birth mom, bio mom, you know, had me in secrecy and didn't want the family to know about it. And in fact, when I contacted her,

simply ignored my calls and emails for like a month. I mean, if I can only imagine what I would do if someone from, let's say, Kansas City that said they had an abortion 15 years ago. Springfield, Missouri, something like that. By the way, this is also part of the reason it took nine months to do my Airstream. Continue. Okay.

By the way, do you believe in ghosts? I'm supposed to ask this as my first question to all my guests, but for you, it's been my 50th question, only because I know the answer. Do you believe in ghosts? Absolutely. All right, continue.

Cousin Marlene put me together with my brothers. Okay. Gave me their phone numbers. Your cousin Marlene says you have two brothers, full brothers, which means I'm just, you know, this is, I'm spelling this out. This means that your parents had you, gave you up for adoption, stayed together and then had two more children. Correct? Correct. That's interesting. Right. I mean, I'm just trying to think of my family. My parents had four kids. Imagine if how much better my life would have been had they given one of my sisters up for adoption. Yeah.

I'm not saying which one. I'm not starting any feuds. All right, continue. So my two brothers... You contacted them. They were open to you? They were completely open to it. They both called me within that week, I think. One wanted to rattle on and on and on like I do, and the other was like, hmm, okay, well, let me know when you're going to be out here. One's a house builder, and he worked with our dad. And then the other one is an auto mechanic. He owns his own little garage in Vermont. He's kind of in a...

I don't want to say he's like a hermit, but he's kind of out there in a small town. Sure. But apparently when dad wasn't building houses, his pastime was building drag cars. So, you know, I got both. Your adopted parents named you, Scott? Yes. Did the birth certificate have a different name? No, it didn't. So they got to name you. They got to do everything. What are your brother's names? Jason and Matthew. Did they know you existed? They did not. Nobody knew, apparently. Okay.

So cousin Marlene said, after she and I spoke on the phone, she said, I hung up with you and I immediately called my mother. And she said, when she answered, I just said, mom, which one of your sisters ran away to the West coast in 1969 and had a child and, and thought no one would ever find out. And apparently, wow, this cousin is, is, is, is fun at the family gathering. She is just a shit stir.

Apparently her mother sort of gasped very dramatically and said, I knew that's what happened. I knew that's why she took off for a year. So apparently it had never been admitted. So you finally talked to your mother. Bio mom. Yes. And your, your mother, not your bio mom, your mother, she, she was aware that you were going down this rabbit hole. Yes. Absolutely. And was totally fine. She was great with it. Cause she had two brothers and two sisters.

And she felt like that experience of having a lot of siblings and a large family was like one of the better parts of her life. Was she as intrigued by the discoveries or confused or any of it? You know, I think it landed a little awkward in the beginning. Like, hey, I'm going to, you know, I never talked about bio mom with her. Although bio mom eventually tried to friend her on Facebook.

Interesting move. Interesting choice. She really enjoyed seeing pictures and hearing conversations. She spoke to both my brothers on the phone at one point. Okay. Yeah, so it was good. Okay. How was the first meeting with Biomom? Wasn't exactly a joyful reunion. Uh-huh.

First, I met my brothers and I hung out with them for a bit. It turns out, just as a coincidence, the entire family was at this one house. So I came pulling up in a rented minivan and there was 35 people sitting on the porch. And they did that on purpose, knowing that you were coming? I don't think so. I think at that point, Biomom wasn't really talking about it much. They didn't know you were coming? Most of them on that porch did not know I was coming.

And then you just started seeing faces that kind of looked like yours? Yeah, exactly. Let me bring up something else you told me. You used to be much larger, yes? Yeah, I was a heavier guy at one point. You lost a ton of weight? About 60 pounds, I think. Okay. When you met your brothers, it was kind of like both versions of you? Yeah, actually, yeah, my...

The second brother, Jason, is probably the fittest of the three of us and looked just like me when I was at my most fit. Okay. And my brother, Matthew, my baby brother, Matthew, yeah, he's carrying the weight. He's a bigger guy. He's also bigger physically all around, you know. All right. So you walk on this porch, you start seeing faces and features that look like you. Is that freaking you out?

It was interesting to finally look at people and say, that's really a family resemblance because I'd never experienced that in my life. I've never once looked at people and go, oh, you look just like, or certainly babies. I've never been able to see, like people look at my kids, like they look like you. And I'm like, do they? I don't really see it. It's kind of hard to see at that age. All right. So these people actually looked like you and you're like, no doubt about it. These are my brothers. Right. And then my mom, how was that? Did you walk? Do you hug her? Do you handshake? What do you do? We did a fist bump. No, uh.

I walked up and I saw her and I didn't know what to say. And she says, well, I'm your mother. And then she gave me a hug and it kind of broke the ice. Then we chatted a little bit, but there were a lot of people, you know, it was kind of

Like I just won the Super Bowl or something. There was just like a lot of loud talking and cheering and whatnot. Is she good looking? She's in great shape for her age, I'd say. She looks healthy. I mean, you got great hair. That's her side of the family for sure. This is Grandpa Slepsky's hair. In case we're looking at it, there it is. That's a lot of good hair. Yeah. Did you breastfeed from her? No. Not even? Not even. You know what? I don't know for a fact. No, I meant when you guys were at the reunion. Yeah.

Just to break the ice. Mom, I think you owe me this. It's time to eat. So when you showed up at this family reunion, did you immediately request all the back birthday gifts? I didn't even think to. I mean, they missed a lot. They did miss a lot. Before you met your brothers, did you like, like stalk them on social media to make sure that they didn't need a kidney or anything? Yeah.

I did stalk them, but I wasn't looking for medical conditions. Okay. There was no big red flag? No, no. They don't have a huge social media presence either. And then after that day, just all a family again? You guys moved in? How'd it work? By

Bi-O-Mom was kind of holding me at arm's length for a little while, but as time's gone by, it's, you know, it's become okay. Even though she did the right thing for her, the guilt of giving away a child is a weird thing for probably any person. And then to face it 50 years later is... Yeah, that had to be weird. It's not like you were coming with, like, a malicious intent or anything like that. But I'm sure she still felt the weight of this. Like, oh... I'm sure. I mean, that's a tough thing. I think it was the...

second year I flew back there and met the family for Christmas. And there was a lot of people there that didn't know anything about me still. And so I kind of spent the evening introducing myself and

There's a lot of confused looks about that. Like, wait, wait, you're who? I kept getting that quite a bit. How many years older are you than the next closest brother? Four years. Four years. And then our brother passed. That's another four years. Well, well, well. The three of you. By the way, did you have any health issues that you needed to worry about after going down this rabbit hole? It appears not. I would love to find out that my parents aren't my parents. I literally would go...

Oh, that makes so much sense. Well, it is interesting you say that. So I certainly got along with my family growing up and all the extended family. They were shared interests, but I mean, I was the only creative, if you will. And do you think that's because the parents that you had in the West Coast...

just a different environment? Yeah. I mean, I don't know. They were both very blue-collar people. Mom grew up on a farm in Iowa, and dad actually lost his dad when he was really young and spent his

Formative years, just moving all around the state. So you think you probably, out of your siblings, you had it better? I think so, actually. Right? Yeah. That's a horrible thing to compare, but that's what my job is to ask. Right, right. I feel like— I got to grow up in San Diego, you know, in the 70s and 80s. I mean, it was just beautiful there. You know, and mild weather, and there was a lot of fun to be had. There was outdoor sports. There was motorsports. There was all that good stuff. And now you're throwing all of this away.

Are you not? And you're heading across the country to work with your brother. I am. You know, I'm just going to take off. I want to spend some time with my brothers. I have the opportunity. That's Vermont? That's Connecticut. Oh, Connecticut. He's the house builder. Are you going to build houses? He's already booking me for work, so... I don't know. How do you build in the winter? Connecticut in the wintertime. Let me tell you how depressing that place is. Ugh. I think he spends a lot of time sitting by a stove getting warm in the winter. It always makes me mad with builders. Like, like, like...

In LA, if it sprinkles, nobody shows up to work for four days on a work site. Right. I'm like, oh, so you're telling me that they need complete sunshine to build in Seattle? Yeah.

I don't know how they do it. Somehow they get it done. Which one are you living with? The one that's grumpy or the other one? The grumpy one. I'm going to Matthew's house initially. Are you going to bully him? Ooh, you know what? Actually, the middle brother does that. No, right? First night, wake him up with your nutsack on his head.

Just say, I missed out on all this good fun. Yeah, he's a lot bigger than I am. I don't know, that might... You guys gonna take a bath together? You should recreate all... All of it. You should recreate every childhood photo with a sibling. You should take baths together and then do a calendar. Yeah, I know people don't have calendars anymore, but you send out a family calendar of all of the missed opportunities that you had with these brothers. One time I had my brother...

hold on to a rope that I tied around his wrists. Okay. So I tied him around his wrist. We were playing some form of prisoner. And then I tied the other end of the rope to my bike. And then I started riding my bike and was making him run in around my house in our backyard in St. Louis. Okay. And I was just going faster and faster. And I just kept telling him, eventually you're going to get tired and fall. Okay.

That's what you missed out on. That was, man, that was particularly cruel. It was. I don't know that he ever actually fell. I probably got tired sooner than he did. Is it possible that you have yet another brother named Spike Ferristine?

It's funny you say that when I was working for Spike, we were chatting about something in the hall and he goes, hey, come over here. He took his glasses off, put them on my face and he said, it's like looking in a goddamn mirror. Ah, so you worked for him. I did work for Spike. I didn't know that. I always give everybody a gift on the show. This is what I'm giving you. I don't want him

- I don't want them in my garage anymore. You seem like a man and I'm not. - They look like folding ramps. - Yeah, they're folding ramps. - Alrighty. - I don't want them. - Okay, I'll take them. - Thank you. - I don't need them, but I'm gonna now go out and find a piece of equipment that requires their use. - Yeah, but you're a dude. - Yeah. - Hey. - These are great actually. - Whoa, careful here, you cut yourself.

You also enjoyed, you would see how I would torture people. Panda, cousin, I used to occasionally go out in the driveway when you were working, you would notice, and I would put a horribly offensive bumper sticker on her car. They were bumper stickers that I had made when I used to do my other show. One of them was like, I chug jizz. Yeah. Yeah.

And I'd put them on the back of her car and she would never notice. So, so for instance, the, I chugged jizz when she went to a concert that night and she, I like, like a small local concert, like a small, and she pulled into the parking lot and there was a bunch of people milling about like getting ready to perform. And they saw the bumper sticker and they go like, like, geez, lady. And she's like, what? And, and she's like, Oh, just mortified. But it would make her a hit at the party. Yeah.

I still do it, just so you know. I do it constantly. And sometimes she'll catch it in a couple days. Sometimes a cop will pull her over and be like, hey, you shouldn't have that on the back of your car. But anyway, I'll give you one so you can have one. I don't know, if you want to stick it on somebody's or use it for yourself. That's fantastic. Everyone you love will eventually die. Yeah. That's nice. Well, it's just, sometimes you know the right person to give that to. Yeah.

Yeah. And then you stick it on their car and you just laugh. And they're like, who the fuck? Right. Give it down the floor. Well, Hey, you're, if you're moving to the East coast and something goes horribly wrong with my trailer, how fast can I get you back?

I promise a 72-hour turnaround. By the way, I love my Airstream. And don't say this just because I want to hear you say that. I don't know that I actually want to hear this. Is this the best project you've ever done? I will say this. This is not to placate you. I really enjoyed your project. It was challenging. I did a couple things I'd never tried before that came out beautiful, like when we did the shiplap and actually –

brought it all the way around in a curve into that front section. I'd never seen that done before. No, it was good. And I just, I just assumed we weren't, we were not going to do that. And when you brought it up, I was both pleasantly surprised and kind of irritated. I was like, oh man, that's going to like, that's going to, I'm going to figure out how to do that. No, it's gorgeous. I think it's beautiful. Everyone thinks it's beautiful and I use it. We always have guests stay in there like every other week, at least there's somebody. And my son and I've even occasionally get to do a, an overnight sleepover, uh,

in there, which we've done. I'll tell you what my favorite thing about the Airstream is. Some peace and goddamn quiet. I just go sit in there and I close the door and I hope they don't find me. Well, listen, whenever you're back, you're welcome to stay in my Airstream forever.

In my head, I was going to say two nights, but people always push it and get a little extra on me. So I'll say one night. Then you can have two nights. I can push to two? You can push to two, and I'll give on two. You can stay in my Airstream for a night. ♪♪♪

Scott, thank you for building my Airstream. Thank you for talking about your very fascinating life and good luck in Connecticut with your new baby brother.

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It sure is sad now that Scott's not in our front yard every day. I want to thank Scott for being on the show. And we also gave him an additional parting gift as he was driving out of town. One of my bumper stickers. Hope he gets tons of laughs out of that.

He actually needs to come back. A small leak in the air stream, and I need him to touch that up. I'm sure he'll do right by me. Hey, I'm in trouble. What's going on? You know, we created this segment to check in on my mom's physical well-being. Right. Ah, sure as shit, I messed up. Uh-huh. Forgot to do it last week.

She had a surgery. Oh, wow. Cataracts. Okay. Is that, you don't consider that surgery? I mean, it is. Yeah. I don't know if it's a check-in surgery. Oh, that's interesting. Cause she is, she's making me feel pretty guilty for not checking in on her. What is, what does that surgery even entail? Now, you know what? Let me just ask her. Let's see if she's home.

Hey. Hey, I wanted to check in. I heard you had surgery. I did. I had a cataract.

You missed it. You forgot to ask. Now, what exactly does that surgery entail? It's surgery. It's real surgery. They take a lens out that's cloudy, and they put a new lens in, and they put it so I can see, so I don't need glasses. So I have one eye for distance and one eye for reading, and it's great. I'm good. So you're not wearing glasses anymore?

I've never worn glasses. I've always worn contacts. I don't have to wear contacts anymore. Yeah. So you got one eye for close and one eye for far. Yes. Are you allowed to work in fine? Can you drive at night? I can drive. Well, I don't, I don't, I don't usually go out at night, but if I do, I can. Yes. Eddie, Eddie told me that this surgery doesn't warrant a phone call check-in. Oh, it did. Do you have any, do you have any other surgeries on the plate? No.

I don't have any other surgeries on the plate. I'm done. Would you ever openly talk about some of the plastic surgery that you've had? I've never had any. You know I wouldn't do that. You're all natural. We're done. That's it. We're done.

All right. I'm going to check in on you later. Do you have any follow-ups on this major surgery that you've had? I've had all my follow-ups. That's when you called. I was at my last follow-up. I've had three follow-ups. And so you missed it completely. It didn't sound very serious, but I'm glad you've recovered and that your eyes are working well. Love you. Bye. Love you. Bye.

You know, she acts like she doesn't care, but she really does. Yeah, I get that sense. Oh, my goodness. And if you do see her on the road, if you're in Brevard County and it's nighttime, you need to get out of the way. That woman will blindside you. We got some plugs. I'm going to be in Fresno this weekend.

Come out to see me. Check the calendar at DanielTosh.com. Check out BoysWearPink.com to buy some cute clothes for any toddler that you know. We got The Goat premiering May 9th. I hear they're going to drop three episodes on May 9th. Have you guys been hearing that? Yep. A lot of people talking about it on the streets in Hollywood.

Yeah. What else do we have? Another bedtime story. Last week's bedtime story for my once three-year-old son was the best. I actually, it was long. It was funny. I played it to him and he laughed. He laughed the whole way through. He thought he was getting tickled by himself. I was like, you can't laugh at your own jokes. But this week's, this week's sucks. So what are you going to do? Kids like me hit and miss. See you next week.

Wanna tell stories again? Yeah, let's tell stories. You wanna go first? No, this guy wanna go first. He wants to go first? Alright, let him go first. That story's horrible. Now you tell a story.

Once upon a time in a solar-wasted solar cell, there was a bunny. All he wanted to do is say a word. He turned and all he wanted to do is say a word. He turned and then a guitar came. And then the bunny didn't know what to do. He said he finally he solt to them.

This story's no good either.

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