My Snake Expert - Danielle Wall
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Should be good. I should be good. How long do I have to, do I need to get medical attention? You should. Tosh Show. Tosh Show. Tosh Show for show. Welcome to Tosh Show. Happy belated birthday to me, to Eddie. Thank you. To Pete. Oh. All three of us.

Had our birthday this past week. Now, Pete had a big fancy party in Beverly Hills. Tons of people showed up. A who's who of who gives a fuck.

And then Eddie did the proper thing. I just didn't bring it up at all. As soon as my birthday comes, I'm like, oh, fuck, I forgot to say happy birthday to Eddie. That's how I know it's Eddie's birthday. Now, for me, for what did I do for my birthday? I had a party from 11 to 1, lunchtime.

on a Wednesday, uh, rented out the BMX track up in Camarillo. And, uh, if you've ever been to Camarillo, it's, uh, it's, it's where all the outlet stores are. So it's just a good day all around. We rented out the BMX track so that my son and I could race each other all day. Well, for two hours, it's real, it's, it's a lot of fun. And, uh, invited some of his friends, made them all skip school and their preschool, you

You don't really, there's no attendance. It's not like you're skipping anything important. And so I raced a bunch of five-year-olds. What's funny is one of the dads there, you know, he brought his bike and he raced too. And he's like, oh, it's really selfless of you to have like a birthday party, but really make it for the kids. And I was like, yeah, I didn't.

I wasn't doing this for myself. You maniac. I, my friend, uh, uh, Danny was there. He's old as shit too. 48 years old. He fell, got hurt, went off a jump, flew backwards off the back of the bike, landed on his back. And I just looked at him like, what, what are you doing? We're not supposed to be going hard. He was like trying to set it, set a new track record. I'm riding around like in this, this, uh,

retro BMX bike that has like beach cruiser tires on it. Yeah. Barely getting that thing in the air, but it's fun. Oh, it's a lot of fun. Now that my son, he had one fall. And then shortly after that, he started screaming because he had to go, go potty. And his, he knew his penis was burning. Uh, and I'm like, Oh, I've been there. No, but he, uh, uh, you know, got some soap in it probably the night before, uh,

Uh, and it, we didn't wash it out. That's on us. And, uh, so, so he had to go through that pain. It's kind of a rite of passage for children not to get soap in the eye of your ding-a-ling. And that stinks because then the next pee, he knows that it's going to hurt. So he's just in full breakdown mode before the pee gets there or whatever. I was like, we'll get this taken care of. We had about three or four painful peas. Uh, now he's back on track. Yeah.

The funny thing was when I dropped him off at preschool this morning, I was like, oh, I need to talk to one of his teachers. And she's like, oh, she's inside. I'll get her. I'm like, yeah, you know what? I'll just tell you. Then you tell her. So now it's...

I'm like, so, so he got soap in his penis like a day and a half ago and it's, it burns a little bit when he pees. And so now when he has to go pee, he gets a little worked up thinking that it might hurt, but it, it doesn't hurt much at all anymore. It's, it's, it's done. And she's like, Oh, she's just staring at me like, okay, I'll, I'll pass that on. And then another father was right there at drop off and he overheard and he goes, Oh yeah, that's, that's a tough one. Hmm.

You know, these are the things that you do. I enjoy it though.

Just all the silliness of parenthood. It's like, yeah. Well, speaking of snakes, Eddie, you don't like snakes, do you? Don't like them. Are you afraid of them? Yep. Yeah, I'm afraid of them too. No interest. No interest in learning about them. I appreciate what they do for us, which I'm guessing is important for the whole ecosystem, but I have no idea what. But today's guest, oh, she's like Steve Irwin. If Steve Irwin...

We're still alive and a woman in 5'2", covered in tattoos, barely 100 pounds. The point is they both deal with dangerous animals.

Enjoy.

We'll be right back.

Guys, I'm a professional comedian, allegedly. So believe me when I tell you I know what is and is not a joke. You know what's not a joke anymore? The economy, the climate, and most importantly, Boost Mobile. I know what you're thinking. Don't they sell those burner phones I used to call my mistress with?

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The Boost mobile network includes roaming coverage from partner networks, which cover 99% of the U.S. population. After 30 gigabytes, customers may experience slower speeds. Customers will pay $25 a month as long as they remain active on the Boost unlimited plan. Are you catching the big game or making big mods? Going on that first date or installing that first brake kit? Binging that new show or watching install videos? When you're a real car lover, the choice is obvious.

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My guest today has built quite the Instagram following by wrangling goddamn rattlesnakes all over the deserts of Southern California. Please welcome Danielle, a.k.a. High Desert Danny. Thanks for having me. Do you want me to call you Danielle or do you want me to call you Danny? Danielle. Danielle? I know. I literally pronounced my own name wrong, but it's Danielle. Danielle.

But everyone's like Danielle. I'm like, you say it like Danielle. I say like Danielle. Like French almost. Danielle. What about Daniela? You like Daniela or no? I was supposed to be Daniela. And then my mom wanted us to have more white names instead. That's what I heard. I was supposed to be white. Oh, because like, you know, her last name is Piantanita.

Italian. And like, yeah, the spelling and all of that. And she's like, no, it is Danielle Wall. Nice. Are you a pure 100% Italian? No, just my mom. She's the Italian one, full Italian. But my dad's a whitey. Ah. Yeah. He must appreciate all the ink. Oh, he absolutely hates it.

Oh, I don't think, I think he's probably, he was my biggest hater. Biggest hater of tattoos. Yeah? But you know, classic dads. Well, that's good. So you have a relationship with your father. Oh, yeah. I mean, I had a kid, you know, and said, suck it up, dad. Oh, that's nice. Okay, because if you see a lot of tattoos, some people might think, oh, she probably doesn't know who her father is.

But you're saying it's right there. I got him. He's around. Do you believe in ghosts, Danielle? Yes. I actually believe my house is haunted by my great-grandmother. Did your great-grandmother ever live in this house? Yes. Oh, that's... And my grandma. And we've had two grandmas pass away in that house. I've heard things, seen things where I was a skeptic until you see things and hear things you cannot explain. Well, what did you see?

Um, I have seen like the shadowy figure go through the house multiple times. So he's all shadow. Yes. Not the actual figure itself. No, but I've had like a remote fly across the room. A remote control? Mm-hmm. For like a TV. I mean, I feel like this is the hard evidence I was looking for. Mm-hmm. My name has been called once and I realized I was in the house by myself, but I responded. I was like, yeah, okay.

And then I froze. I've done that, though. Maybe you like half fell asleep and you just like hurt. I was vacuuming. Oh, you vacuum in your sleep? All the time. It's the only time I can get things done. You live out in Joshua Tree. Lander's proper, but it's all, you know, high desert. Yeah. Do you enjoy that world out there? I love it so much. I grew up in the Bay Area and I will take the desolate desert away from people any day. Why is that? Any day. What do you mean? It took me four hours to get here with this LA traffic. Yeah.

It was insane. Right, but if you're here, you don't have to go four hours. Yeah, but I was getting here. There you go. Only you got me here, Tosh. Only you. That's very nice. Mm-hmm. And Tony Danza. I came here a few months ago because Mr. Tony Danza...

My heart. Hold on. Give me a second. And he was supposed to play in Palm Springs, but his show got canceled. What would he be playing? He played jazz and he does comedy. He's brilliant. No, he does not do comedy. He does. Tony Danza does comedy. Oh, my God. Dude, he has this whole stand up. He's beautiful. It's hysterical. He's so just his whole personality. I got to open for Tony Danza. Yeah.

You got to hit up Tony, man. It was one of the best shows. I was the youngest one in the entire room. By what? Front row. By 50 years? Oh, by a lot. And I was wearing the skimpiest, low-cut dress I could. I dressed to the nines. And I, oh, man, it was just ice.

I got a picture with him and a smoochie on the cheek. It was a great day. That's assault. Did you? No, I kissed him. He could be. Yeah. So you assaulted Tony? I did. Are you married? No, but I've been married twice. Really? I know. How old are you? The men keep proposing. I just turned 30. Oh, congratulations. Thank you. Does that feel like a milestone or no? No. I still feel just like an 80-year-old on the inside.

Just like loving to go to bed and staying at home, watching the Golden Girls, you know. I feel like I'm interviewing a character that Amy Sedaris is doing. When did you move down here? 2015. We're going on nine years now. Is this home forever? Oh, yeah.

Especially since I bought my great-grandparents' house. So that was the reason that you moved down here? Yeah, my grandpa is still in Yucca Valley, same area. He's 83, golfs four days a week. Even in the summer? Oh, yeah. Knows how to catch snakes. He comes to all my educational things with me. And my grandma was around when I first moved down, but she passed away. I'm sorry. Life. You dropped out of college to pursue your current career.

Am I calling it a profession? It's your profession. Yeah, because I do the relocation for the snakes for free as a volunteer for the community. But I do like TV and film production. If there's ever a snake wrangler on set, people film out here in the desert, and I'm just precautionary. And I do education. I go to the schools. I teach people how to catch them. And just wildlife conservation. So I make money on snakes, and that is my full-time job.

You're a snake expert then. I'm a rattlesnake relocation expert, so to speak. How often are you relocating a rattlesnake? Oh, every day. I was literally still in the desert moving a rattlesnake past 11 o'clock last night. When you...

you relocate a snake? How far are you relocating it? Or is relocating just code for I'm going to chop his head off as soon as I get out? Oh, absolutely not. I mean, that's what I, that's why I started doing it because animal control does kill them. And like the state doesn't protect this apex predator. So I said, if I have to do this for free, I'll do it for free. I don't care. It's essentially a half mile past the last occupied property, but ideally no more than two miles for their survival rate. So rattlesnakes don't move as much as people think.

So you don't bring them to the same spot and just dump them. No, they're all within essentially like a two mile circle somewhere in equal terrain. What's the largest rattlesnake you've ever had to relocate? It was about five foot even. I don't know. How big are rattlesnakes? For, for us out here. Um,

I mean, it would be pretty rare to see a rattlesnake over five feet in California. Those are like the Goliaths. But, you know, Texas, you'll get six-footers. East Coast, you'll get eight-footers. I've never liked snakes, and I don't think I'm ever going to like them. I'm an animal lover, but there's a lot of animals I'm like, eh, I could do without that animal. So it's my goats. But I always say I'm not trying to convince people to like them. Just, like, respect what they need to do on the planet. But rattlesnakes don't do anything good for the environment? Oh, absolutely. Rodent control, man. Oh, man.

Yeah, I mean, after all the rodent poisons. See, that's good. I'd rather rodents die. Yeah, like the rodent poisons, though, you know, killed off a lot of birds of prey and a lot of apex predators. And so we got. Wait, how can an apex predator be killed? Rat poison. The poisons in the rat, the owl. Not so apex anymore. I've seen some owls, like literally, they like explode. It's like with the. Owls explode? Like the bird, you know, animals that have the rodent poison in them. And it like creates all this bleeding. It's a really gnarly way to go. Here's the thing. I'm going to tell you something.

I put an owl box up on my property so that the owls could kill the rodents. But they don't do a good enough job. There's just not enough. The rodent populations in the last, like, 20 years, you know, they're going like this while all of our—

you know, their predators are going like this because people keep killing them. All right. And, you know, the snakes, you know, obviously don't eat as much as the birds do. So yeah, the owls and like the hawks. The hawks. Taking a big hit from like the decades worth of rodent poison. And it's been outlawed in California now, but it's still like the coagulatory one. That's bitching though about the owl box. I tell people, like they ask me all the time, how can I prevent snakes? I'm like, you got to prevent the rats. Like,

You know, you don't have a snake problem. You got a rat problem. Put an owl box up. And, you know, the owls will eat the snakes, too. So the snakes don't want to stick around an owl, either. I got a canyon in my back, my property backs against. And I've got a lot of tall grass everywhere.

That my kids play in. Oh, so you have a snake haven is what I hear. Is that so I should just be terrified every time the kids are there? I mean, tall grass, tall grasses, yeah. I tell that to people all the time. Like, even when the kids are, like, hiking up in the rocks and stuff like that, like, they aren't there. I have the snake in my truck. I have two snakes in my truck. I don't want your snakes out. Oh, but I can show you the one to look out for that's down here. You brought a rattlesnake? I did, Dan.

His name is Worf. Is he a therapy snake? No, but they're all my emotional supporting animals. Uh-huh. I'm not afraid to admit how terrified I am of snakes. Oh, yeah. Do you know why I'm scared of snakes? It's not my fault. It's not. It's primal. Right. It's very primal. The Bible did it to us. Yeah, damn Bibles. It's the Bible's fault. It's in your nervous system to, like, have a reaction when you see a snake. You see a dog's face, and you want to get your face right in there and just...

But have you seen a baby rattlesnake? You same thing. You put your face in a baby rattle? But do you like them? Oh, I love them now. Yeah. Have you seen my stuff online?

I've seen some of it. Oh, yeah. I got the rattlesnake crawling up me. And you enjoy that? I like the thrill, and I like to show that these aren't like the insane creatures that people think they are. Is it safe? Absolutely not. But it's not like, you know... I thought you were going to say it was safe. Oh, no. They don't love you. I mean, I take the risk, but, you know, driving...

to LA in one day is statistically more deadly than me holding a rattlesnake in my bare hands. I don't care about being, what about, forget deadly, but just like getting the willies. I don't, like it, after three years, I stopped getting any willies. So over the years, I've gotten better at not being afraid of heights and my claustrophobia. And cause I like will crawl under houses. I've been in. You have claustrophobia? Oh yeah. Like in the beginning I was like, okay, well I got to get a snake at the other end of this manufactured home and

And I'm crawling, you know, with no room above me. And I'm freaking out more about being underneath the house in a very enclosed space.

with spiders everywhere. What about rats? Where are you at on rats? Oh, there were rats down there too. But did rats bother you? No. Ah, they all give me the willies. I mean, in that time, like it was just the claustrophobia part, but I just focused on the snake. I'm like, you got this. You can't panic. You're the snake wrangler. You gotta be a tough bitch. You don't have to. You don't have to do this. Someone's got it, Daniel. How do you catch them? You use a flute? Yes, a little, a clarinet, actually. I've actually, I do. I've played the clarinet since I was eight. Do you still play it? Yeah, I do. Ha ha ha.

I know. I got my Beatles scorebook as my favorite. The Beatles. John Lennon, Paul McCartney. Got it. Got it. John Lennon. I remember him. Yeah, exactly. But no, I just mainly use a hook, essentially. Just like a scoop. How long is the hook? Two feet. Why is it two? Why don't I go on this four feet? I started at four feet, but the longer it is, you have a delay and the tip of that hook and all of that. So the shorter it is...

It's just faster. It's more accurate. That's what I tell my wife. Goddamn right. Same.

Winning all around. Were you ever afraid of snakes? Oh, yeah. I said I faked it till I became it in the beginning because I knew I wanted to help the animal. But I was from the city. I had never seen a rattlesnake. And I saw one on the road and I poked it with a stick and it like just took off. I'm like, well, how hard can it be? Men do it. What are you supposed to do? How are you supposed to? You're supposed to use a hook. But if you don't have a hook, would you grab your bare hand on one? I have many times. But now, am I supposed to grab the tail of one? Ideally.

Yeah. Like, you know, I really don't grab it at all. But like, what if my kid's right there and he's like, like, he looks like he's in attack mode. Yeah. I mean, realistically, it'd be easier. Like you grab the kid away from the snake. Cause like the chance of you actually grabbing the head where you need to and not being bitten. I mean, you're, you're, you're 99% of the time you're going to get grabbed the tail and do that and throw it or do a dive in front of it.

That seems heroic. Very. You ever just throw it over a neighbor's fence? It's like your problem now. No, I get that joke a lot, though. Can you put the snake in someone's mailbox? Which, funny enough. A mailbox. I mean, funny enough, someone, I don't know if you saw it, but in 29 Palms out past Joshua Tree, someone was mailed a live rattlesnake. Mailed? Mailed. It came in the mail. And he got one at his Florida address, too. They don't know. What a dick. What did this guy do? Uh-oh.

I'm really eager to find out who gets sent a live rattlesnake like that. And what company will ship a rattlesnake, but also a testament to the company for getting it there as promised within 24 hours. It was alive. If a rattlesnake bites me, will I die? You have about 1% chance in the U.S., so...

Should be good. I should be good. How long do I have to, do I need to get medical attention? You should. I mean, more people are bitten in like the Southern California area near the coast because there's a lot of terrain that you can't see under, there's a lot of snakes. Uh-huh.

But realistically, everyone is close to a hospital. So you get to a hospital, the doctors aren't stupid. Within how long? Ideally, just as quickly as you can. The more time it's like. But like 30 minutes or an hour? What do I got? I couldn't even tell you. If it's a baby rattlesnake where there's only one teeny drop of venom, you could have hours before you're suffering. But if you get a big ass rattlesnake and it chomps on you, I mean, you could be, you know, unconscious in 30 minutes potentially. Okay.

What about my kid? What about like a baby gets bit? Yeah, like the smaller the animal or child, anything, like the less weight to process the venom, yeah, you'll go down faster. Like I statistically would suffer harder than you would. Yeah, what do you weigh? Probably about 100 pounds. 100 pounds? How tall are you? 5'2". 5'2", 100 pounds. Yeah. Do you last 30 minutes getting bit by a big rattlesnake? Probably.

But I'd be suffering to the point where, like, I probably couldn't help myself anymore. What's the suffering like? What happens? Your hand's going to blow up. Like, it's just the swelling is going to be really gnarly looking. The bite site's probably going to start dying off a little. Some of the tissue. The swelling can go all the way up. Your nerves will be damaged, potentially. Permanently? Sometimes, depending on the snake, yeah. I've never been bitten, so I'm not saying this from experience. You've never been bitten by a rattlesnake? No.

I've been doing this for six years. It's the easiest shit I've ever done. It's better than eating, it's better than bartending, easier than tutoring children when I did that through the school district.

Snakes are so easy. How long would Carl survive if he got bit? How long would I have? I mean, he's a slightly bigger dog. A lot of dogs over 50 pounds with the standard size snake. He's only 40. 45. I mean, still, 50-50. 50-50, he makes it? Yeah, just depending on the size of the snake. But do I need to take him somewhere to do anything? Yeah, it's vet. I shouldn't suck on it at all and spit? Absolutely not. That's not a thing? No. Sucking and spitting is not a thing on any snake venom?

Not on that kind of snake. Oh. Because sometimes I see signs up at this one vet near my place that's like, get your anti-vax rattlesnake for your dogs right now. It's rattlesnake season. That doesn't help? No. The venom doctors across the U.S. are pretty in agreement that there's no actual true science behind that it either helps at all, doesn't really bite time. And there's been studies done about anaphylactic shock in dogs.

after being bitten when that vaccine is in them. Okay. But, you know, you see it where, you know, if they can make money off of things. But I always say, do your research. I don't do research, but my dog... Have your people do your research. That I might do. So how do you make money if you're not allowed to charge people for relocating animals?

these snakes. Yeah, I mean, I'm a donation-based service, but I'm in the red every year. You go out of pocket? Oh, yeah. How much are you going out of pocket to do this? One year, I had to take out a personal loan for like $6,000 to keep it going, and...

But I just, you know, it's just about the animals. So I've always kind of made it work. But I got lucky when I moved out to the desert. It was cheap and I bought a house and I sold it when COVID happened and prices skyrocketed. So I've had good opportunity. And then I was able to buy family property.

Did you know the home prices were going to skyrocket during COVID? No. I was just excited. I thought the Zillow ads were fake. I'm like, $100,000 for this house? There's no freaking way. And there was freaking way. I know. California has cheap real estate. You just got to know where to look. Yeah. That was what got me to move down there. From San Francisco? Yeah. I called my grandpa and I was like, Grandpa, I got six days before I got to renew my lease in the Sunset District in San Francisco. I said, I'm miserable. What's it like living down there? He said, cheap. I said,

I'll see you in six days. He was like, okay, believe that when I see it. And I sold everything and I just moved down. Did you tell me how much people will donate to you for removing these things? Oh,

Oh, on average, 20 to 40 bucks. You know how much I would pay to get rid of a rattlesnake from my yard? A billion. I'd love to charge, but then I will literally get those properties out there that I see on Airbnb making 10 grand a weekend. And I get called for a snake and they don't even give me five bucks for gas. And then it's literally the people in dilapidated homes trying to give me a 50. Like literally a couple of days ago, this guy, I go there to his house.

And he has a couple, like maybe 80 bucks in his hand. He says, this is all I got. What do you charge? I go, I don't charge, actually. I'm a donation-based service for six years, yada, yada. He takes out 120, hands it to me, and pockets the rest. And I mean, we're talking nice house, dude.

Why would he show you $80? Because he thought I charged. He thought I charged. But you don't need to see it. That's a weird thing to display. This guy's an idiot. It happened. It happened. I believe you. I just think he's an idiot. Had a wife lock her husband in the shed so I could come get it because he wanted to kill it. And she didn't want it to die? Mm-hmm. So she told me, yeah, go get the shovel and then locked him in the shed. I was very uncomfortable on that call, not going to lie. Yeah. Very, very uncomfortable.

Am I allowed to kill a snake on my property? Legally, yes. But for non-venomous snakes, you need a hunting license, fishing license, technically. Why would you ask that, Daniel? Why? I'll tell you why I'd ask it. Because I don't think I'm allowed to kill a coyote on my property. No. Like, you can't kill the coyotes, the hawks. Like, everything else has some sort of formal protection around it. It's trying to kill my pets. Pretty much.

I'm not allowed to kill it. Yeah, and they're like actually trying to. Like when a snake and a dog interact, it's not because they really want to. You know, the snake's not ever attacking anyone. Well, he's hungry. Well, he's not going to eat your 40-pound dog. No, he's not going to eat. I know, but I got a nine-pound dog. All right, you.

You know, unless you're in like Florida with those pythons. I got chickens. Even my biggest native snake can't eat a chicken in the desert. They don't get that big. Here's the thing with like a coyote is they say you're allowed to kill them if they're going at like one of your family, a human. So you just have to lie.

Right. And say that, oh, he was charging me and then plant a weapon on him or something like that. This is what I've learned. Bow and arrow. They also say if you want to get rid of coyotes, like because I have them just in my property all the time, they say that you should kill one of them. This is what I was told. You should kill a coyote and then have...

Hang it on your post, like on your fence. That's the only way that other coyotes won't come to the property is if there's a carcass of a coyote hanging there. I feel like they would eat it. Wouldn't they just eat it? I don't, I don't have no idea. I'm not, I'm not doing any of this. I feel like they would just eat it. You know what else I had in my property one time? No.

Never, only seen it one time, and I think he was crazy. Black bear? Weasel. Oh. A real weasel going crazy at my chickens, running up to their coop, standing up. Do you know that weasels kill because they enjoy killing? They don't even eat. They'll kill all your chickens and just pile them up. That's insane. And they just enjoy it.

He ran to my door, like my glass door, and was just standing there trying to get in my house. Ooh, scary. I did, though. I got called for a snake once, and this lady had a car parked, and had been there for a while. And she goes, oh, I dug a hole underneath the car. And I go, snakes don't dig holes. So I look under the car, and it's a small car, and there's a mound of dirt that goes all the way up underneath. Like, no, nothing.

So I'm like, what the hell? So I go in my truck. I get my shovel. I start, I'm like, I'm curious. What the hell dug this? Okay. And I see this little nose, like something come up. What is this? It was a freaking badger. I didn't even know they were out there. What badgers mean? Yeah, I've heard that, you know, if you get in their space, you know. Well, you were right in their space. I was literally in its space, laying down next to it. And it looked at me and I looked at it. And I didn't even process what it was before my body like went hurtling.

out from under the car. And I said, I can't deal with this. No. What if she was going to donate $80? Only if she took out the 20. What about, you ever mess with a king cobra? Oh, no. I hear like cobra handlers tell me that like rattlesnakes are physically more difficult to handle than a cobra because the cobras can be so long and it's a lot more meat to deal with. I just like the idea of the spitting thing. I know.

That seems kind of cool. Accuracy at like 10 feet. They're accurate to 10 feet? I think it's like 6 to 10 feet accuracy. It might even be longer. I've got to remember my Steve Irwin episode on the spitting cobra. You ever been to a snake church? Mm-mm.

But isn't that the most insane shit you've ever seen? When they get bit, I just love it. Oh, I hate to say it, but sometimes karma is karma. You're going to fling a venomous snake around your face. What do you think? I'm not flinging the rattlesnake around me. Well, it won't bite if the energy in God is true. For the most part, yeah. I don't know what they do. It's kind of like if a bear was holding you and you're terrified, you're not just going to punch the bear in the face because then the bear might bite you. Are you scared of bears? No.

No, I mean, I'd rather, you know, the whole bear thing. I choose the bear. Yeah, I choose the bear. I like that. That's the thing with bears, though. It's pretty simple. With bears, two types of bears. You know, California, you got your black bears, make a ton of noise, scream. They'll go. Brown bear, play dead, pray you don't die.

Right? I don't know the rules. Or does brown bear fight? I don't... Grizzly, grizzly. Grizzly, which there's no more. Yeah. Right, there's no more grizzlies in California. That's what I'm saying. There's only black bears in California. You can fight a black bear.

You could fight a black bear? Let me see you fight a black bear. I'm going to try to run. Anyway, see, I thought it was simple with bears. But snakes, snakes, I think that's where a part of my fear is just not having the knowledge to know what's venomous, what's poisonous. I mean, obviously the number one thing is does it have a rattle or not?

Okay, that I could figure out. Easy peasy there. Besides rattlesnakes, what do I need to worry about? Oh, that's it. Just rattlesnakes. That's the only medically significant snake in California that would like truly send you to the hospital with needing like medical attention. Really? That's it. Huh. Yeah, we're not like a lot of the other places where, you know, Australia, they got like the top 10 venomous snakes all right there. You ever go down to Australia? No, but I would love to. I don't love it that much. I just want to see the snakes.

Well, yeah, I guess. Where's the weirdest place you've had to find? Like, where's the weirdest place somebody's called you and said, hey, there's a snake here? Everywhere. I mean, I've literally... Inside the house is a lot? Two days ago, I had a rattlesnake in a kitchen and a bedroom. I've gotten them, I mean, in people's bathrooms, just everywhere on a property you can imagine. You ever found a snake in a toilet? One. One.

It wasn't. But it didn't come out from the toilet. It went into the toilet. Yeah, it was in her bathroom. And it's just when I got there, it had happened to like be on the seat with part of it in the toilet. You ever cut the head off a trouser snake? I'm sorry. You don't need to answer that nonsense.

You own a few properties. You're like your own little property manager for some Airbnbs, yes? Yeah, I manage two for my friends. What's scarier, snakes or short-term renters? Short-term renters. I ran an Airbnb out of my little guest house for two years, and Lord have mercy, never again. So they were on your property. Yeah, yeah. Uh-huh. So, yeah, I'll never go back to that.

But I have a long-term rental in my smaller house. So that also subsidizes a lot of my bills. Joshua Tree. Is it one of these towns where the locals can't afford to live there anymore because it's gotten so popular? Yeah. In like the last three years, that's exactly what happened.

And like the apartment I first rented before I bought my house was 500 bucks. Now it's like 1500 and still the same shitty little apartment. I've never been to Joshua. It's all Airbnbs. Well, that's the thing. I like that there's a lot of beautiful places in California that I haven't been yet. It's so beautiful.

close. Well, I know. I'm not in a hurry. I'll get there. Yeah. And some snake wrangling. I'm not going to do that. You will. No, I won't. You will. Talk about your pets. How many pets do you have? Oh, Lord. Off the top of my head, 35, 30, 35. Okay. Somewhere in there, if you don't count the snails. I don't count snails. Yeah. I got a lot of those. The problem I have with pets is that I get really attached and

And the deaths wipe me out. But you have so many pets, you're probably having constant funerals. Yeah, and just like dealing with being in animal rescue, especially wildlife, like I'm a bit numb to it now. Wait, does that make you not love animals as much when you see how fast the turnover is? Sometimes, yeah, you kind of have to detach yourself a little bit. And it can be a little easier when it comes to like, you know, a snake that you're trying to save.

And you're not like, you know, like when I've had to put my dogs down, I did pit rescue. And so, yeah, I kind of have to compartmentalize a lot of the emotion of what I do. How do you go anywhere when, I mean, like I leave two dogs and some chickens. It's just an ordeal to find someone capable. Yeah.

How many sitters do you have to get for all these critters? I mean, today I have three different people going over to my house today so I can be gone from 4 a.m. to 7 p.m. And so short answer is I don't leave. You can't. I pretty much don't. Yeah, I have trusted people. It's just it ends up being more work to try to coordinate it all and the stress of leaving them. Are you ever downsizing the amount of animals that live under your roof or is that just always going up?

It fluctuates because I take in fosters, but I have like my permanent zoo where I'm not adding anymore. Like I have a five foot iguana. He's actually like five foot two. You know, he has a 15 foot custom welded enclosure in my house. And yeah. So you got a knot of weld too. My ex-boyfriend was a professional welder. Sure he was. And he's still to this day, he's like, he's still a good welder.

Yeah. And like, he still fixes my truck for me. He's not a bad guy. He still helps me a lot. That's good. Very handy. But he did dump you. He did dump me. Yes. I mean, our lives, you know, I'm kind of, I'm, I'm me. Look, look at this. And he knew it. He knew what he was getting into. This isn't brand new. No, but it definitely got worse. I mean, it definitely got worse. Well,

When you meet a random fella and you're interested, like how, how, and they don't know your whole world. How quickly do you have to be like, Hey, by the way, I have a reptile room. Uh, well, I, I, I just got dumped in December after five years. So I haven't been in a dating world. Oh, good. Look at me now.

But I've been asked out by one person and he didn't know who I was, surprisingly, because in my community, literally everyone knows me. I'm just a statement. Yeah, you kind of stick out. And I stick out. So, but he, you know, we exchanged numbers. I thought, ooh, maybe, you know.

He's cute. But anyway, he found my social media. And then after like talking to me for maybe like three hours after that, he goes, your job is just too wild. Your life just looks too crazy. I'm like, all I heard was you're a little bitch. That's all I heard. I'm sorry. I'm tough. I mean, I've called off relationships when I found out they had a cat. I have four.

I have four cats. But here's my thing. They have their own bedroom, though. Here's my thing with why I... There is one girl out there that to this day probably has no idea why our relationship stopped. And it really was because she has a cat. Now, here's the thing. I love animals. Yeah. I'm really, really allergic to cats. Oh, that's understandable. So...

So instead of saying, hey, you have to get rid of this cat because I can't be a part of your life. I just ended it because what I what would upset me more is me having this conversation and then her saying, oh, I'll get rid of the cat. And then I bet. Well, then I don't like you anyway, because you're that kind of person of your animal. Yeah, that's an impossible situation. Exactly. I like I like your call on that. I just walked away. It's just not meant for me.

I just keep thinking about, though, how much better my life would be now had I just taken Claritin. You saw me at a show. You came to one of my shows a long, long time ago. How old were you when you came to my show? 22? 21? 22? What? Well, no, I was just making sure you were old enough. Oh, yeah. It wasn't like you were sneaking in. It was at a casino, so. Do you like casinos?

Out there in the desert? I like that you can smoke inside. Do you smoke cigarettes? Occasionally. How often? Are you going to quit? I used to be a pack-a-day smoker for a long time, but now it's more like I don't drink, so it's kind of like my cocktail, so to speak. As long as you have some way to justify it. Exactly. I have some gifts for you. Oh, Lord. I stole some denim from my wife's closet so that you would cover up your legs. What?

I love that. This is my denim. Oh, my God. That is actually my size. Yeah, it works. She's small. And then that's my denim. That's big. You just wrap yourself up in that and cover yourself up. I'll frame them. I'm thinking above the fireplace. This is my first comedy album. Shut up.

Daniel. That's my first comedy album. I've never hung any of these things up. These things are embarrassing. No, it's not. It's fabulous. Somebody gave me a lighter and I don't ever have a lighter. I don't even know how to fill a lighter. It's a Zippo. Yeah, but I don't know how to fill it. True. I figured you needed flashlights and I don't use them. Always. I get all

always use another truck flashlight. There's one solar and two batteries. People give me crap because I end up using my damn phone half the time because for some reason I can never keep a freaking flashlight in my truck. I don't know why anyone would use a flashlight because the phone works fine. Yeah, but sometimes no. This is good for men. It's not bright enough. I know, right? Right? Oh, you should see the stuff I carry on me.

Get this off my table. You've got a good relationship with the local sheriffs out there, firefighters, good relationship. Not so good with the fish and wildlife. And animal control. And animal control. Why is there a fish department out in the desert anyway?

It's all encompassing. Oh, got it. I do make them look bad because I do their job for free and I don't get health benefits. You're talking about the fish and wildlife and... Animal control. It's all encompassing of like doing more education and promoting these animals. But they don't like you because why? I'm a flashy bitch, Daniel. Look at me.

And so I go out there. I'm holding the snakes. They're just like, they just want to shut my shit down. And they have for a long time. But at the same time, I follow all the legality. You know, I do things right. You know, I just, I make them look real bad. I say, hey, if I can do it for free, why are you guys getting paid daily and you just go and kill it? You know, it just makes no sense. And so essentially that was another reason why I wanted to get paid.

Put myself back out there and put pressure on them so we can change these laws so people can't just be chopping them up. And, you know, animal control should not be killing an apex predator. Have they tried to get you in trouble for what you're doing? Oh, yeah. Oh, absolutely. You should have seen one year these people kept, you know, it was like random texts constantly of, can I buy this snake? Or, you know, trying to get me to like, you know, catch me in something. Who gave out your number? Oh, my number's literally everywhere.

If you just Google snake wrangler high desert, I mean, it's all meat. But what are you doing to make sure that some creep isn't inviting you to their guest house to be on their podcast? Yeah.

That is like literally the ultimate fear of mine. Right. It should be. It is. It is a very terrifying thing, especially being who I am, all of it. But there are multiple people that track me on every call. If I'm not heard from in an hour, you know, please will be called, yada, yada. We've been going for 43 minutes. Do we need to? Mike Rampa tracked me the whole way here. Okay, good. Yes. Was he complaining about the traffic? He did call me. He goes, you're not moving. And I'm like, yeah, another freak.

But he was. He's on his lazy boy, I'm sure, watching golf on the TV. You don't want Grandpa coming after you. No. He was in search and rescue for 20 years and was a deputy sheriff. He's a brilliant shot. That's what I want. He's terrifying. I love him. No, he could kick my ass any day. Do you know how to shoot a gun? Yeah, very well. Yeah, very well? Very well. What does very well mean? Does that mean you're a good shot or you can shoot any type of gun? No.

More of the good shot with the ones I have practiced with. But I've had fun with some of my friends when we've gone out and I'm like, oh, you want me to try to hit that? Oh, and try to hit that? And then I get the...

You use a handgun? Yeah, I have a handgun. Oh, man. I don't know why that seems scary. I thought... I'm a little lady. Shotguns are kind of heavy and awkward. Uh-huh. I don't know. I'm not a shooter. I'm not really surprised for some reason. Yeah, I don't know why. I don't... I can't... I think aiming is... Might be the shirt. Has nothing to do with the shirt. I think it's the shirt, dude. You kidding me? It's very...

It's very, I don't shoot guns a lot. That's what the shirt says to me.

You want me to tell you what the tattoos mean? I would love to. By the way, if someone gets one tattoo, I feel they really have to like, oh, this means something to me. When you have a lot of tattoos, do you're like, I don't care, just color me up? Or do you care about everything? I am absolutely one of those people. I don't give two shits about what's on me. I kind of just want 80% of my skin gone. Why do you want your skin gone?

Oh, I like the look. Oh, are you done with tattoos, though? Oh, no, absolutely not. I still have to finish my neck. I got to fill in the puzzle pieces. I got a few days left of tattooing. Are you going to tattoo any more of your head?

I woke up one morning and I was like, I'm going to stick a snake on the side of my face. It was kind of because my dad's like, just don't ever tattoo your face. And I said, well, I love you, dad, but also don't say that shit because that's what gets your kids to do things that, you know. Well, that's not, my dad told me not to do heroin and I was like, all right, that seems like good advice. Yeah. I mean,

I mean, at this point, there's a freaking rattlesnake on my neck. Who cares what I look like at this point? What about the back? Is your back done, too? No, it's, like, pretty bare, actually. Because that's, like, the last big spot I have to actually maybe plan something that looks good instead of, like, my doodle board. What if you just gain a couple hundred pounds and then you get new areas? I was, like, 145 pounds when I was, like, 19. You were pregnant? No, I just, like, dated a guy that was a little hefty, and we got in and out a lot.

A lot. A lot. In those Costco hot dogs, $1.50, Daniel. Where can people donate so you can continue to relocate deadly rattlesnakes and get tattoos? I mean, everything's hooked up to my cell phone number.

With like PayPal, Zelle. But if you look up High Desert Danny on anything, it's all that. All right. But yeah, I don't have anything formal. It's legality, you know? I'm working with a lawyer right now who's working on trying to get me a nonprofit status.

Because if, you know, like Big O Tires is happy to sponsor me for tires every year. So, like, I could get it if I'm a tax write-off for these people. I never understood really the tax write-off thing as much. Yeah, no, that confuses me so much. It doesn't – you still have – like, you get a percentage off. It's not like it's just, oh, it's a tax write-off, so it doesn't matter. It –

Too dumb to understand any of it. That's why there's a lawyer doing it. But he offered to do it on his own time and dime, so that was very kind. Oh, that's nice. He's just like, yeah. So he's just a big animal lover. That's nice. Not everybody's a piece of shit. Danielle, thanks for being on the show. I wish you all the best. I hope you can monetize all the good work that you do. Stay safe and try not to get bit in the face. That's my goal. Yeah. Thanks for having me, Danielle. Big fan. Thank you.

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The studio. That was worrying both Carl and I. Carl, not a fan of snakes either. Right, Carl? We don't like them. Eddie, you a big fan of carpet munching? Yeah, I am. I know you are. I know you are. I've been in hotel rooms with you. We've had adjoining rooms. Fair to bet. And it just sounds like a weed whacker next door. I got a technique. Yeah.

All night long, I just hear somebody mumbling the alphabet. But there's this guy. Now, you have to understand, in my neighborhood, a lot of homes burned down in the 2018 Woseley fire. So there's just always construction going on in my neighborhood. And for the past five years, I've seen this guy's truck burn.

working on multiple homes in the neighborhood, but usually it's near my house. And he has a sticker on the back of his truck, and it says, I love sushi. And then it's got a stick figure of a woman laying on her back, and then a stick figure of a man eating her out. Wow. This guy loves to go down on women, and he just wants everyone to know it.

And I just think that's peculiar. I just can't imagine a world where I would see that sticker and be like, oh, you know, I do love going down on the ladies. And this sticker is kind of cute. Why don't I put that on the back of my pickup truck? I've never really understood putting stickers on your car. You're just giving out information.

For no reason. I got to get a sticker for my car. What do you think, Carl? Get a little photo of you. Are you farting? I felt like I heard something. Guess what? Tomorrow, the tour begins. We're going to be in Kentucky. Then off to Indianapolis.

And up in there, up to Michigan and in Ohio. Oh, it's going to be so fun, Carl. The Goat, new episodes dropping every Thursday. Hope you're watching. BoysWearPink.com. Check that out. Buy something for your toddler. What else do we need? Got another story from my son, a little bedtime story that he recorded when he was three. See you next week.

In the water. She saw a toy in the water. Hmm, let's see what that is.

And it was a boss. And she said, what? She was in this boss. And there was a little tiny white beast on it. She said, hmm, what is this thing called? And then she swam and swam. And she saw she was a swam. She went on and she popped it up. And she went on the boat.

So what he did is he flam out of the boat and sat down here and had salt heated here until he went down a big water salt. And then down at the bottom of the sea, down, down, down,

No.

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