You Need to Calm Down
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What is up, everybody? I am Kendall Tool, and I am here with... Gaylee Alex, and welcome back to episode two of Full Heartedly with Kendall and Gaylee.

What's up? Okay, so this time we are not in the same location. No, we are doing this remote. I mean, I'm in the same kitchen, but where are you? I am in a basement, which is funny because so much of my life has occurred in basements, which sounds very, very, very suspect. When I lived in LA, I lived in like barely a basement and I survived off of a hot plate and...

a mini fridge and a microwave. So I think that's where the cooking skills started to build was just ingenuity in that space. And it was six feet tall. So it was very humbling because I'm five foot nothing, as you know. And so I could fit there. But no, I'm at Shadow Man's place. Who exactly is Shadow Man?

Shadow Man is my boyfriend. I can't believe I'm using it. It doesn't sound right to say that word because I had been single and so many bad relationship things, as you know, and we've talked about for so long. So, yes, I have a boyfriend and I am currently in his basement sounding very that sounds weird. And what is the blanket I see behind you on your chair? Do you want to explain that to us, Kendall?

Yes. Okay. So the story is in the early days of our dating, which really it's still kind of early. We haven't been dating that long, but it feels like we've been together for like a decade because we just very much click. Anyway.

Early days of dating, I was knitting a baby blanket. Actually, people who listen might know this for Callie. She's a Peloton instructor. She's one of my really good friends. She and her husband were having their first child, a little boy named Cash, who is adorable. So I was knitting a baby blanket for him. And I almost said his name. Shadow Man was up in New York visiting me. And he's like, oh, my God, this is so soft. This is so nice. I love this.

So I kind of like noted that and I was like, hmm, maybe I should get some yarn and knit him one that would go very well with the house and surprise him the next time he drives up to see me. So that is what it is. So since it's hot out, it's not on his bed.

but it's in the downstairs basement area and it's honestly it's very comfortable it looks beautiful and just one more of the many talents of kendall tool but also i love that you're such a sweet girlfriend look i'm weirdly domestic i think that's the funny thing is that i do a lot of like old grandma stuff like i love the cooking i love the hosting i love the knitting

I don't think that's surprising, though. That totally tracks, right? Like, you love helping people. You love being around people. You like creating good energy. Like, you're going to be the best mom. That's the same way with you, though. Like, the way that you can take any space and make it feel like home. And you do that with your personality, too. I love this. I love just, like, I love our friendship that we complement each other. I love you. Okay, let's talk about something that happened yesterday. And I'm still, like, I'm still...

embarrassed about it. I'm getting red thinking about it. So I am I was speaking at a conference in Atlanta and everybody was so sweet and so excited. And when I did photos and things afterwards, they brought me bags, I mean, bags of jelly beans. And somebody brought me like a five pound bag of tropical jelly beans, which are my favorite. This

This bag was so big and there were so many thousands of jelly beans in it. I couldn't fit it into my carry-on roller. So I had to just literally carry the bag. And so we get onto the plane and my boyfriend and I, and I got like the window seat because I'm obsessed with the window seat. I, you know, I want to have like a place to put my head, you know? So I'm sitting there,

right as the plane is taking off, I open it up the whole top of it because I'm very picky. I'm like a jelly bean princess and I only eat the flavors that I like. So I'm going through, I'm grabbing the Kiwi, I'm grabbing the cantaloupe and the banana and, um, and like

something happens where I looked over at Dale and I guess my elbow like hit it off the seat rest and the entire bag dumped over when I picked it up and he looked over at me. There was not a single jelly bean left in this bag. And when I tell you,

you know what that noise is. It was just like a cascading of thousands of little hard candies all over the floor. And because it was during takeoff, they rolled all the way to the back of the plane. And you could hear the people progressively like, wait, what? Oh, look down. What? What? And it was more to running. And so, and so when it was time to deplane, I waited for everyone to get off and I crawled around on my hands and knees and picked up

every jelly bean I could find I felt so and the cleaning crew was standing there looking at me like yeah that's what you should be doing and I was like I know I I got myself into this nest I'm getting myself out the problem was so many people had stepped on them during the flight that even though I filled like half of the bag up so I got probably two and a half pounds of jelly beans back in the bag like you can't unscramble this egg like it's been scrambled and so there

There were a lot of soldiers left crunched into like squished into the Delta carpet. So Delta, if you don't ever want to sponsor our pod, I totally understand. I deserve it. I was a horrible passenger yesterday. So that's that. Okay. First off, you're an angel for going around and cleaning that up. Good for you. I don't think a lot of people would follow up and just like sit in their mistake and just try to fix it. But I know your character. I know you would do that. So good on you. Couple questions. One.

were there any small children who thought they hit the jackpot because like Willy Wonka unleashed a sea of jelly beans rolling on the plane? Were there kids or were there dogs or pets like on the floor that were grabbing them? I was too embarrassed to turn around and like live in what I just created. But I will tell you, there was an extremely hyper awkward moment where like the moment it spilled and I just heard these thousands of little like

Yeah.

And I just made eye contact with my left eyeball, his whole face. And he looked at my eyeball and then down at the ground. And then he just lifted his feet up. And you could just hear them like they were hitting his shoes. He just lifted his feet up. So now I'm making eye contact with one eye with a grown man through the seat. And his legs are up in the air. And I'm just like, how do you say I'm sorry when all they can see is your eye?

Like how do you say you're sorry with one eyeball, right? Like I just looked at him with one pathetic eye like I'm so sorry sir. This is my fault.

That is what, you know what it reminds me of though? It's like, I guess it's happening this year where cicadas, there's like two crops of cicadas. Have you heard about this? Yes. Yeah, they're the zombie bug. And then they all unearth themselves. And this is the year because prime numbers, which is weird, like they nest and they come out at 13 and seven years. Why did they pick prime numbers? What conspiracy is that? I don't know. Aliens, that's all.

They all come up out of the earth and then they take over everywhere. So they're falling on people and all that. You're like that, but the happy version. I mean, it's jelly beans. It could have been like malted chocolate. It could have been...

like weird spicy Doritos or something like that. You know what I mean? At least it was jelly beans. It's joyful. It's on track for you. It totally tracks because like my whole team jokes on installs that like, you know, when I've been in a room because there's candy somewhere on the ground and it's usually like jelly beans or nerds or ruts, like some sort of like, I don't know, that kind of like old school candy. But my ex-boyfriend once had a dog that,

pooped right during takeoff and it rolled all the way down the aisle. Oh, okay. Then you're fine. I resurfaced that and I was like using that to make me feel a little less bad. So speaking of like airport travel experiences, like you are a jet setter. Your face is all over the world right now on the sides of buildings. So like my butt.

You physically and visually are all over the world right now. Do you have any crazy stories? You know what? I do. I can just say in terms of travel, the challenge with me is that I am very forgetful. There's so many tabs open in my brain at any point in time. I'm one of those people that's like, oh, shoot, I love this. Oh, shoot, I love this. To the point that if my mom is meeting me anywhere, like we go on vacations a lot or she'll meet me in New York or if I have a speaking thing.

She always brings an extra toothbrush because I always forget one.

And she'll always bring like little things like that because I'm just a little bit of a space cadet. Like I can totally admit it. I have left my phone while shopping in Soho in a store to the point that Shadow Man, this is one of like our first dates in the city. And we're having a great time. And listen, I was in my soft feminine energy. So I'm like, la la la la la. Like I'm not worried about getting attacked or like anything like that. I was very comfortable because he's really tall and very strong. So I'm not worried. But...

That led to me leaving my phone in a store and he like books it back to go and get it. Thank goodness he got it. I've left my sunglasses. He's gone back to go get them. It's kind of a running joke. Like everything in my life should have an air tag on it. But then I bought air tags and then I left them in the hotel. Fuck that.

My air tag need air tag. I don't know what it is. It's just my brain blanks when it comes to things like that. So case in point, this is not airport travel because I do have a lot of stories, but I'm trying to think of a recent one.

I've been pretty decent recently, so I'm proud of myself. That totally tracks about you leaving things places because the last time I saw you, literally just a couple days ago, guess who left her cell phone in the backseat of my car? I dropped her off. I drove to Fresh Market to get sushi. And as I'm getting out of the car, I look back and I'm like, what?

What the heck? Like how how she had one thing in her hand and she managed to leave it. Yep. One thing. And then shadow man, I had to reach out to him to figure out how to get your phone back to you because there was no way to reach you. You're so right. I forgot I did that recently. That was literally last week. You're literally telling me about how you leave things. And I'm like, girl, five days ago in my car.

It's a problem. It is truly, it's truly a problem. And case in point to add another layer to this. So I'm packing my car up because I was driving from New York to come down here to see Shadow Man and stay here with him before I go to California to drop off Bully because grandma and grandpa or Nona and pops are going to, Bully's going to camp with grandma and grandpa for a couple months while I figure out like my New York place, where I'm going to be living. Everything's up in the air right now, right? Like it's just all chaotic.

So anyway, I have to fly west. Then I'm going to Vegas for my friend's 30th birthday to celebrate her. Then I'm going to North Carolina for a speaking engagement.

And then I'm flying back up to D.C. with Shadow Man because he's going to be the speaking engagement with me to be kind of like my point person, help me out, whatever. And he can do that with his job. And then at some point I'll be back in New York. Right. So mentally, I'm like, here's the few things I'm thinking. I'm like, OK, I have everything for Bowie to be able to travel on a plane, make sure we have all of his goodies. Great.

make sure he goes and comes after me first. Bowie is a great traveler. The only problem with my dog is that he truly thinks everyone in the world is alive to greet him. Like he is the welcoming committee. He is the mayor. If he, if you make eye contact with Bowie, you will say hello to him and you will pet him. Like that is the sheer confidence of that dog is unbelievable. So,

So yes, we don't go anywhere fast. So I have to make sure I have everything for Bowie. I was like, wait, let me make sure I have everything for the podcast. So all the, you know, the cords, the equipment, all that great. Then I had this like really cool fiber supplement that I've been trying out that I actually really like. And I was like, okay, I need to bring that with me. So I have my supplements. I have this, I have this, you know what I forgot? My makeup, my clothing.

What? So I put it in my carry-on bag. I'm an idiot. I packed up the car with everyone else's stuff, but I forgot my makeup, my underwear and bras and everything, and then some of the workout gear. Granted, I had some clothes already from when Shadow Man and I were just in Florida.

already at his place so thank god i had that but seriously i left the entire roller case so i get out of the car i park in front of his place we get bowie and i'm like wait where's my carry-on and he looks at me and he's like babe did you leave your stuff and i was like oh no i

Oh no. I, yep. I said, babe, I left it. And it was just this feeling. I wasn't even angry because I couldn't help but be mad at myself. And it was so much traffic. I drove five hours because there was so much traffic getting from New York. So I was like, oh my gosh. So we went, I know.

I know. You cannot be self-managed. Like you need assistance. I have an assistant. This is the thick part. I need to manage myself. I truly think I just need to live by a list or I need to talk to somebody about ADHD coping strategies about how do I just function throughout the day? Like it's kind of a miracle I make it through the day. I think it's having a routine. And now that I don't have a set routine since I've left Peloton, like I need to find it. That's true.

That is something that I really had to get used to in the beginning because I had a very structured routine when I was a woman, just like you did at Peloton, right? Like you have to show up, you have to

perform. You have to do these expense reports. You have to be on this global sales call every Friday or whatever. And it was just very routine. And then the second that went away, I realized Tuesday is the same thing as Saturday, is the same thing as Monday. They all end in Y. I have no sense of time. And it became really important to start structuring my days because otherwise I...

I became you just kind of leaving stuff everywhere and not really knowing what's going on. I mean, it's good. It's confronting and it's an awareness. It's a growth moment. I think you like the adrenaline. That's my problem. That is 100% my problem. That is exactly it. You ding, ding, ding. You nailed it. So I love... I don't love drama, but I love putting myself in pressured situations because I did that even in college. If I had to write...

a 14-page dissertation on apparatus theory for how people like the film experience and all this stuff. I would wait until maybe two days before. I'd be like, oh, I did an outline. Oh, I did this. And then sure enough, the night before, I'm cramming in everything. I'm writing, writing, writing, writing, writing. But it helped me because I enjoyed being in that flow state.

I do love pressure, which is really messed up. So I feel like I build pressure for myself so that I have to execute something in a really particular set time. I could not identify less with you right now. This is the reason that your phone has like 8,000 unread emails and I zeroed out every single night. In fact, I don't even keep a single text message on my phone.

So every text message I get throughout the day, I respond to it. And the moment everything they need from me has been sent, delete, sent, delete. And that way, when I go to bed at night, I cannot close my eyes unless I know my inbox is completely zeroed out before it was like Goldman, personal, other personal. And then it was like LinkedIn messages, Facebook. Now, I mean, you know, we're...

Getting too many DMs. I don't read the DMs now because I can't zero it out. So like I had to let it go. But on my phone, there are zero text message, zero emails every single night when I go to bed. You are who I aspire to be, truly. Like in my core, I would love to do that. I think I have this weird attachment though to like old messages and conversations because I am that person. I'm so visual that I'll send photos of everything to everybody or like, oh, this reminded me of you or oh, look at this.

So it's kind of like my text messages have like meme threads within them. So that's the only thing if I delete question, if I delete the text message, does all of our backlogged history of like content, does that go away? No. So I have a second phone where I don't delete anything and it just lives in airplane mode. And the moment I turn it on, everything from every text message is there and save same in my cloud. So I can go to our old messages.

in my laptop on my MacBook. So I know it's like a trust fall, right? Like I kind of know there's a net. So if I do accidentally delete something, cause I'm like quick to the trigger, I know that it is all there. But for my own peace of mind, when I go to sleep at night to just have everything zeroed out, it's also why like people can trust me. If you need me to get something done. You get it done. And you're so incredible at that. That's amazing because I do have an old

iPhone. I got sent, this was actually one of the best PR boxes I ever got. They were sending phone cases and I almost threw it out because I thought it was only like two phone cases. But then I lifted up this other portion. There was a candle and something else. There was a new iPhone in there, like a brand. I was floored. I was like, is

Is this allowed? Like, am I allowed? Like, this is too much. Like, no, no, no, no, no. I don't I don't deserve this. No, no. So I gifted a phone to somebody else and I know that he did it. But I got the new iPhone, which has been really, really helpful for me. But I have another old iPhone because we've all had how many versions? The way that Apple, we have all single handedly funded. Like I did the numbers for how much I've spent on Apple products over the last 10 years. And it sickens me.

It literally sickens me. Anyway, digressing from that. That is brilliant. I need to do that where you can have the backlogs of everything on a separate phone. So you have it, but the one you communicate on is zeroed out and clear because you are so incredibly responsive. Like I admire how direct and organized you are. I'm that way by fall, but also I have CDO, which is OCD in alphabetical order, the way it should be. So I'm very...

I'm very obsessive. And I know you had OCD as a child. I was never diagnosed clinically, but my dad's a doctor and he said I definitely have OCD tendencies. I think it's safe to say I had OCD and I still have it. But, you know, I found a way to channel it into something productive, right, as opposed to something that kind of

hinders me. That is incredible. I also love that statement. Wait, so it's the CDO. It's OCD in alphabetical order. Like, you know, I just feel like they did it wrong when they labeled it. Which is the most OCD statement you could make. I love it. It's true, though. That might be why it always looked weird. I mean, I get it's an acronym for obsessive compulsive disorder, but

So it would be compulsive disorder obsessive. It's very Yoda. I kind of love that. Compulsive disorder obsessive. Hello. That's what I am. I'm obsessive. So speaking of compulsive, so we had a comment on our wholeheartedly pod Instagram. Somebody made a comment really negative towards me. And I was like, you know what? I wonder...

I wonder how Kendall handles this because we've talked a little bit about it in the past, but I'm kind of curious when it comes to

When it comes to social media, if there's one bad person out of every hundred and then you have millions of people, well, that 1% starts to add up, right? And then they come for you. So I think that's something that a lot of people, no matter, you could have 20 followers and still have somebody coming for you trying to hurt your feelings. How do you handle that? It is an ongoing process. Dealing with haters and with internet hate

There's a few layers to it. I will say in the last five years of my community growing, of being more of a presence on social media, it's very interesting in the last year or so, I've definitely seen an uptick in people being really hateful. I wonder if it's societal. I think there's so much vitriol in the world right now and so much anger and frustration. And I think pent up

issues that we all kind of started having from being under lockdown and COVID and pandemic, that a lot of people have all of these big emotions and they don't know where to place them. So I think it's a really easy target to go after strangers on the internet

that you could, I hate to say it, but I think people bully people on the internet because they feel like a safer bet. And I think a lot of people look at how people show up if they're an influencer, if they're some form of like public figure, and there's this narrative like, well, they asked for it. Like they're putting themselves out there. So they knew that this was gonna come with the territory.

And unfortunately for that, I think it's you forget that the people that you're following and the people that you care about or pretend to care about, they're human beings. If you would never say that to a person's face,

I'm shocked that people have the gall to say it on social media, but a lot of times it comes from fake accounts. I'm pretty good at finding out who people are. I have a gift for it, I will say. I can pretty much find a way to be like, oh, who do you follow? And oh, this is this. And oh, found you. When you recognize and you find out some of these people who are saying such heinous things, you realize like you have a lot of empathy for them.

that they're in such a dark space that you have to be their trash can for the day and punching bag. Now, I will put a caveat. Some days I can have empathy for people who are giving me a lot of hate and negative comments.

Other days when my self-esteem might not be as high or I might be having a tough day emotionally or mentally, or I might be on my period and pissed off with the world. Those things can hurt a lot deeper. And so part of it is realizing whenever I see one of those comments and it starts to like embed itself in my brain and I can't just let it roll off my back. Some days I'm great at it. Some days I'm not. The first thing I do is I usually call somebody that I love.

Like I'll call my mom or I'll, you know, we've had conversations about it. I'll go to my girlfriends. I'll talk to shadow man, like just to kind of be like, Hey, I need to get this off my chest. This is sitting inside me and it's, I'm giving it more air and more headspace than what it deserves.

Then if that still doesn't work, I start to toy with like, okay, how can I either respond to this person with some empathy? And I hate to say be the bigger person because I don't believe in that. Like it's not a pedestal thing. It's not that someone's high above or below somebody. But how can I meet them at their pain and address their pain rather than their hatred of me? And sometimes I find power in doing that. Like saying, listen, clearly, I'm not going to do this.

There's something else going on. I wish you the best and I truly do. And I hope you find your peace because you want to take some of mine so you can have it. Here's some peace that I have that you can take. Yeah. Otherwise, I do think, you know, a lot of it is just removing it. Like I block people without any problem anymore. If you're going to be hate us and hateful or start a comment war with another person that follows me.

I'm going to block you. You don't have a right. Like you don't get a right to comment on my life if you're only coming there to spew hatred.

I think there's a lot of things that we can see in the world. And I'm amazed that people think that their opinion of the world is how the world should be. Something that I repeat to myself that really helps me a lot when I read that stuff is that opinions are not facts. Yes. Just say that to yourself over and over. When somebody has a negative opinion or feedback, especially, you know, with my TV show, like we'd get feedback on episodes and... Yeah.

I edited it. I helped produce it. Like, I take that very seriously and personally. And then I just had to be like, you know what? Like, their opinion is not fact and I cannot treat it as such. Exactly. And also, like, I'm grateful that we live in a society where we have freedom of speech. Right. There's part of me, too, that like I kind of am glad that.

I live in a world in a country on a social media platform that we aren't audited. Yeah. Right. And we aren't censored. And people have the right to because that's a big part of how like you and I have both grown. What we've grown is our ability to express ourselves and our creativity freely. Yeah.

And so I'm grateful for that. The other thing is like I hate sometimes, you know, I'll respond to a comment and like you, I always try to do it with tremendous empathy and sensitivity. And then somebody will respond like, attagirl, kill him with kindness. And I'm like, no, that's not what I'm trying to do. Like, I'm not trying to kill him.

buddy out here. I think you can inspire them with kindness. If you be kind to them, maybe it inspires them to be more kind to themselves. And then they won't be in that place where they need to take it out on you. But I don't want to live in a world where we're killing them with kindness either because now you're a killer. We're not out here doing that. And then the byproduct of it is that you're doing it not to actually genuinely be kind. You're doing it as a manipulative tactic.

to win. Totally. And I think that's where everybody needs to stop with this. Like I'm right. You're wrong. I win. You don't, it's not a zero sum game. Life is not a zero sum game just because someone shows up in the world in the way that you might not agree with, or you might not feel related to or connected to.

It doesn't mean that they don't have a right to show up in the world that way. That's just how they are. So you let them live their life that way. And then you have the freedom to do that yourself as well and show up in the world the way that you want to. And it's not a tactic. I think that's where...

And unfortunately, when you when people that same thing, when you comment back with something kind and then all of your supporters and community starts to pile on, you're like, wait, guys, no. Now it's becoming bullying to this person. Yeah. When I was trying to say, hey, we're good. Let's cut it. So then sometimes you go back and delete those comments and then you kind of feel like it takes on a different life of its own. But I'm with you. I think the number one thing is you can't control.

You can't control what people are going to think about you. You can't control how anything you do in the world is going to be seen by others. And that's, I think, the importance of knowing or spending time with who you are.

keeping that core unit of people in your life so curated and very vulnerable and honest, those people that you want feedback from. I would go to you and ask you like, hey, how is this sounding? Is this coming off the right way? Or I'd go to my mom or my team or people in my life that know me and know my heart. They know what I'm trying to express. And sometimes it doesn't land and that's good. You're not going to do everything right.

or everything in the way that's in complete congruence to who you are. And you want feedback. And sure, people can have an opinion about me all day long. I've heard it all. I've heard like, you're a terrible instructor or they think I fall somewhere in a political spectrum that's completely off. Or they think that I have a certain perspective of the world that's completely off. And the number one thing with all of that though is you can't let anybody's opinion of you stop you from being who you are.

And that's where you can, where you ultimately always have the power we all do is in how we respond to that, not even just to the comment, but in how we continue our walk and how we continue showing up in the world. Like if someone says this isn't right or you don't like this or like this,

That's fine. You can think that. But I know that this is what I meant to do and I'm going to create more good content or I'm going to go put out another cooking video, even if you didn't like it and it wasn't your thing, because that's what I think is providing value or helping people. Or I'm going to keep talking about my mental health because I know it might be helping one or two people. It's not about doing it for the accolades of it. It's doing it because you feel something on your heart to express that. And as long as you help one or two people and that's authentic, you don't

You did your job and you wipe your hands of it. The best thing I can say here is that, or that's helped me at least, is to chase energy. So if somebody is giving you energy, right, then chase that or something. And if something's taking your energy, like a comment filled with vitriol towards you, like don't give that energy because that's investing your energy in a place that is going to drain it instead of like,

fill it up, right? Chasing energy is really helpful for me when I think about that. The other thing that I just like, because a couple of people, I said it was one, but it was a few people and they were saying same thing. So I'm going to, we have a podcast now and I have a microphone in front of me.

So I'm going to like stand in my power here and just say the comment that so many people said is that, oh, my gosh, that's the girl who lies about her age. Like, you're better than that, Kendall. Don't work with that girl. And I read that. And all I want to say is a couple of things. I can never have lied about my age because I have never, ever lied.

told my age, not to a single publication. Granted, I did a people interview like a year ago, and they said 29-year-old Gailey Alex, which is very wrong. But when they ask me for my age, as any interviewer does, when you ask me for my age, I say the exact same thing every single time, which is this. Listen up, ladies and gentlemen.

I got into a really dark place of self-harm years ago by comparing myself to other people on social media, not feeling like I was making enough money, not feeling like I was thin enough, not feeling like I was young enough. And I realized that comparison is the thief of joy. And so when I started to grow my platform, I realized that

as somebody who is, you know, a math person from Goldman and like dealing with numbers all the time, right? Like the statistician in me is saying, I'm not going to give power to those numbers. So if anybody for the rest of my life asks me what my weight is, unless it's a doctor,

unless it's a doctor in which case I stand on the scale and I tell the nurse beforehand don't tell me what the number says because I don't want to know I can't compare myself to an unrealistic version of myself if I don't know it's a little bit of like ignorance is bliss but I'm happy to live in a more blissful world so back to my point if anybody ever asked me for my age I

for my weight or my net worth, I will never answer them because I don't think that there are numbers that we should give importance or weight to in the world, not for the other people following me, not for the people I'm following. I don't need to know those numbers about anyone else, so nobody should need to know those about me. So no, I have never lied about my age.

I'm very proud of where I'm at. And also, it's not something that you need to know to compare yourself to because that's not fair to any of us. So that is all I'm going to say. I have never lied about that.

Gailey, I am slow clapping that. But yes, Wonder Woman pose, like I could not support that anymore. And I think it is so interesting, the concept of numbers, right? And numbers are, it's kind of like this tool that we use to judge on anything on a scale, right? And especially as women too, there's so much pressure on like,

your weight or what are your measurements or how tall or short are you or, you know, it is that it's like your age, it's this. And with those numbers come expectations. And those expectations are societal standards, whether they be beauty standards, whether they be standards of, you know, I guess I guess a lot of it goes back to beauty standards, ironically, for women. Go back and look at like the Barbie mom. Yeah. And I remember hearing that even in music and songs. I remember like,

Having a Teen Vogue, this was, oh gosh, this was like really bad when we were growing up. All of the Ralph Lauren ad, do you remember that ad where they photoshopped her waist so small that it was way smaller than what it was on the model who was already a very beautiful woman, Finn. And it wasn't Hillary Roda, but she looked similar, beautiful, beautiful model. And this Ralph Lauren ad got totally called out. And now, no offense to Ralph Lauren, I do love the brand. I think they've taken great steps from this.

Let me clarify. I actually stay on Ralph Lauren. I wear them often. But I think what was interesting, it was a byproduct of the 2000s. And I think we're starting to see society go back into this measurement focused, hyper thin version of culture because beauty standards are constantly changing so that women can never keep up so that we're always at a less than state. So I think it's easier for us to

feel less than and be controlled. So we buy products so that we do different things to our bodies so that we feel beautiful and so that we feel we can measure up. The truth of the matter is, and as somebody in health and wellness and in fitness who has my PT cert, my Pilates cert and the nutrition coaching, all of it, I can definitively say this. Every single body is different. Everybody's genetics are different, which is incredible. And it's one of the most beautiful things about us.

And one size does not fit all. In diet and how we train our bodies and what we put in our bodies, there are definitely foundational basics that are good for us for health, like good sleep, making sure we're breathing, meditating, putting in nutritious food, having exposure to sunlight and being out in the world. But screw the measurements. The same thing can happen with macro tracking because...

I know for myself in college, when I was dealing with all my like food allergy issues, which is kind of what spurred this focus on health for me when I realized my health was depleting because of my mental health, as well as how my body was reacting to food because of my anxiety, because I didn't realize that they were so ingrained, even though they were, I started tracking my macros, which sounded like a good idea. So for those who don't know, macros are your macronutrients. So they're your protein, your fats, your carbs.

Well, welcome to the 90s and 2000s where everybody thought carbohydrates were terrible, which is the dumbest thing. Your brain literally needs carbohydrates to function. You need all three macros. That is not bad. Carbohydrates are not bad. Too much protein. There's no such thing like you have to find what ratios work for you. But a big thing that I do now for myself so that I don't get too focused on numbers is I just focus on trying to hit my protein macro.

And whatever the other two are, I'm not tracking through an app or trying to codify or putting food on a scale because it does. It gives you the opportunity to get really obsessive over it, right? And to use that as, am I successful today? I'm going to use these numbers to measure my success and how I'm showing up in the world where that's so false. Your success of how you show up in the world is a byproduct, number one, of how you feel at the end of the day. I think writing down

what worked for you or how empowered you felt or what was the grateful moment you had in that day, that's much better feedback and information than did I completely scratch off my whole to-do list and is my weight what I think it needs to be and did I hit my macros? No, those are not what needs to be measured. It's emotional measurement. It's personal measurement and purpose-driven measurement. And it's also just feeling. How do you feel? And

Are you getting a little bit better, like 1% better every day? Are you growing? Are you evolving? Are you learning? If you're doing that, you're doing an incredible job. Pardon my French, but fuck the rest. Like, absolutely not. I'm so sick of women feeling like we're tied to these numbers, whether it be age, net worth,

you know, measurement size, all of it. We need to get rid of it. That's, I get so passionate about it. It makes me so angry. No, I feel you. And I, and I don't think it's just applicable to women, right? These quantitative metrics that society kind of forces on us. Like I feel bad for men too, right? Like there's, there's heightism, right? And,

And there is especially kind of income. Yes. Like what level are you at? And I feel like that's a little bit more in that kind of male-centric mentality, whereas we are a little bit more visual and men are a little bit more financial as far as where they feel the pressure.

the pressure. We feel more pressure with age, whereas men don't, right? Like, so it's all over the place. But moral of the story is that these are standards that we put on ourselves. And unfortunately, you can quantitatively compare, and it's either very clear, like good, bad. And that is so scary for people that are kind of black and white thinkers. And they're either the

they're good or they're bad based on how that number tracks for them. Yeah, I remember I remember seeing like this tick tock that came out about thigh gap. I was just like, this is what our youth is consuming right now. And this is perpetuating this like, idealistic, horrific problem that that I think has always kind of been here to some effect. Like when we were younger, Kendall, like I remember when

We would go to the grocery store and you'd see Cosmopolitan or People magazine and you'd see somebody beautiful and airbrushed on it. You'd read the magazine laying out by the pool and then you'd throw it away or push it under your bed. Now, today, people, girls that are seven, eight years old, they aren't just reading one magazine and then throwing it away until like the next one comes out 30 days later. They literally in the palm of their hand have 100s

hundreds of thousands of photos of beautiful airbrush people on their phone accessible to them. And they're looking at it every single day, whether they want to or not, it's kind of just there. And they don't have any sense of reality and what is real and what is not. And like,

I had issues growing up. And that was with seeing a magazine once a month when the issue came out. I imagine if Little Gailey all day long was consuming this and I am a perfectionist and I'm constantly trying to compare myself. I don't know that I would be here. I don't know that I...

would be strong enough to survive what our youth is going through, which is why it's so important that we be as real and honest, excuse me, as we can about all of this. And it's a big part of why we're doing this podcast, right? It's like we just...

I don't know. We want to talk about these things because we're feeling them. And we also want this to be accessible to younger people if they can find it additive. And that goes back to our Instagram for the podcast, which is Wholeheartedly Pod. And

And we asked a question yesterday, which was like, what's the best decision you've made for your mental health? And we had so many amazing responses. It was incredible. Amazing. So we want to read a couple of them. And we tell people, if you put your name in there, that means you're okay with us reading it and you appreciate the shout out. So some will have names, the rest are...

will be anonymous always. But Kendall, I'll let you go first. Yeah. So we had so many submissions, which was honestly, I was floored when we tapped in and I kept having to scroll for all of these submissions from different people. It was really beautiful because we haven't even posted any content there. So thank you guys so much for being willing to lean in and like trusting us before you even heard a full episode. Like, wow, that's amazing. So

One of the responses that I absolutely loved was somebody, and they were anonymous, but they said quitting a toxic job that trained the life out of me. And I think the trained part is really interesting because you can be in a work environment and operating at full cylinders and kind of be this perfect employee because you're doing everything the right way and you're showing up on time and really showing out for what you need to do for this role.

but it can suck the life out of you when it's not in alignment with your passion and with your purpose. And I think we've all kind of been there where you're like, wait, I'm at, I'm doing it all great. Gailey, I feel like this kind of relates to you a little bit too, and how you describe some of your time at, at Goldman. And I feel this a little bit at Peloton too. You kind of get into this routine where, you know, you're doing everything to the best of your ability and you enjoy it to a point, but you start to wonder, okay,

Is this job overtaking who I am as a person? And am I evolving as a human being beyond just this role? And so I loved that because I definitely, that was one of the reasons I feel like I was ready to move on and make sure I was growing and developing as a human being beyond not only what the world knew me as, but what that job expected me to be. And you have to bet on yourself. You have to expand and grow. Yeah, look guys, like,

The weekend is two days and the work week is five. That tells you that if you do not enjoy your job, if you feel that there's toxicity, if it is taking energy from you and not giving you energy, that means you are willingly signing up to spend the rest of your adult life

Working more than living because if you're working Monday to Friday and it's toxic versus enjoying your life like Saturdays and Sundays, well, if you're an entrepreneur, it's kind of a seven-day-a-week deal. But you're signing up for that and that's on you. So recognize it and do something about it. Don't just talk about it. The next one was from Mandy and she said,

Stop watching the news. That is something that that is the best thing that she did to protect her mental health. And amen to that. I am the beginning of the pandemic. It got so bad.

all-consuming for me, reading the stats of the death toll every day. And then the political atmosphere got so hyper heightened. And I was so uncomfortable. I would watch the news before bed, and then I would have nightmares. And I would get stress hives. And I realized that as much as it's important for me to know what's going on in the world,

At that time for my career, it was more important that I understood what was happening financially in the markets, which was also really depressing and scary, right? Everybody's watching their accounts drain. And I had to explain what was happening and how to fix it. I just stayed myopic on that. And I tuned out everything political, the death tolls, all that, because I physically couldn't absorb it without getting ill. And so I love that she said that. I do too. And adding to that as well, because it's,

it's that finding that balance right like you want to know what's going on in the world it's very important to be an aware citizen but i do believe a lot of the news because it's there to get eyeballs and create ad dollars right it's content more than sometimes i feel like it can be news it feels more performative than actually it's more performative than informative i think often i really love getting either like a newsletter that's like unbiased facts

So it's interesting, every single journalist that you find, there is an AP fact sheet that comes out that is just what happened. It's just the headline. There's no adjectives. It's just today here, this happened, this occurred. And I like to read it that way. And then if I have more interest in learning more on a particular topic, then I'll go and I'll look at

you know, all different forms of news and then kind of with a grain of salt be like, okay, what's the through line from this one outlet that's on this end of the spectrum and this other outlet that's on this end of the spectrum. But otherwise, so much of what happens in the news, we can't control as individuals, but we can control ourselves and we can control our little worlds that we create. So pouring into that is much better. If you need to set a boundary, set a boundary always. Goodness. Guys, you can control what you can consume. Like,

That's it. So control that. Oh, this one I loved. This was really special to me. And she gave her name. So we got to give her a shout out. Katie Averill said, becoming a stay at home mom to spend time with my girls. First off, big shout out to the stay at home moms. I think in today's world, it's funny for Gailey and I, obviously, we both don't have kiddos yet.

And we have taken a very focused path for our careers and prioritize that. But I think it's really important to give love and to honor like stay at home moms. I was raised by one. My mom is superhuman. It is a full time job.

From making sure the house in order, developing these children to feel empowered and joyful, going to practices, all of it. There's so many layers to it. So I think it's really beautiful that she felt that in her heart was going to be the best thing for her family.

And for her own personal life. And that's incredible. If you can do that financially, that's absolutely amazing. So good for you, Katie. We love a stay at home mom. And I wonder what type of car you have, because I know my mom loved her suburban with the wood paneling on the outside from the 90s. Oh, my gosh. We had a suburban, too. Shut up. What color? It was white.

Oh, you had a white Suburban with wood paneling? So did my mom. Yeah, it was. And then I ended up getting it when everybody like I'm the eldest of four and we all went to the same school. So as I was the first one able to drive, I would then drive everybody to the school and they would just get out of my Suburban and then I would park. And I felt like I was now a soccer mom because I was driving my mom's Suburban. Yeah.

Which I think weirdly, like there is such a joy in being I love doing that. Like I love driving people and being like, bye, honey. Have a great day. I packed you a snack. Like it's too much fun. I love that. OK, white suburban gang. Let's go. Speaking of driving people, the last one I'm going to read, it was anonymous, but I saw this a number of times. And the best thing that this individual did for their mental health

All caps, not drinking, exclamation point. And I think this is an area where Kendall and I are totally on the same path right now. I've actually never drank in my life. I've never had alcohol.

And so when I think about me in high school being the soccer mom driving a Suburban, I was also that for my friends because they knew that they could trust me and that I would be like their sober driver for the night. So, Kendall, you've had a more interesting journey recently. So I want to hear about why you've gone from drinking to not.

Yeah. So a lot of it, I can say the opposite. I've definitely drank in my life. I've had a few wild nights or more than a few because of too many margaritas or also aging. And you realize, wow, my body gets hung over now. This sucks. And it only gets worse. Truly, Gailey, the greatest thing you've ever done is never felt a hangover because it is, it's just awful. It's all terrible. But the biggest thing for me was with my mental health, was with living in New York City and

It's just such an alcohol driven city and experience, like what you do to socialize as you go out and get drinks, particularly in the wintertime, because like, what else are you going to do? You're not going to go like snowshoeing. You're in a crazy city where it's dirty and there's all this stuff. So anyway, for me, starting back in like last September, I was like, I'm going to go to a

I just was like, I'm done. I wake up if I do have a drink or two or a couple more and I would just, my anxiety would be so bad. I would feel like my world was crumbling. It just was making my life worse. So

from September pretty much up until I'd say I have had a few glasses of wine this last month but what's great and what I do like about it is that I drink I'll have like one glass or two if that because I can't do more than two because I get a really bad headache but I it's always out of a celebration or it's out of a cheers I love that yeah it's like a cheers moment or it's

oh, I'm on a vacation or we're celebrating closing a chapter, opening a new one. But what's great about it is like, okay, I like the taste of wine, but do I ever need to have it the rest of my life? No, it's not anything that I feel I have a crutch on. And for a while, I think alcohol, particularly during the pandemic for me was something that was escapist. It was, well, I have nothing else to do. I'll learn how to make this drink and FaceTime my friends. So it feels like we're out at a restaurant.

And I think it just created a weird dependency that I didn't like. And so I just decided to say, screw it, I'm done. And now I love my non-alcoholic life and my non-alcoholic beer. And hopefully one day I can find a great non-alcoholic wine. But I'm thinking I have to make one myself because I just still haven't found what I like.

I can I'm going to manifest that for you and I will totally be your your first buyer. You know, for me, I have nothing against drinking, nothing against alcohol. I have I have girlfriends that when we go out, if they're not drinking, they're not going to be as much fun. So I totally hope secretly that they drink because there's so much more fun and they have a better time. Every guy I've ever dated, my boyfriend now does sponsored ads for so many alcohol brands like

I have nothing against it. For me personally, I think the reason I never started is, you know, when people first started drinking, especially like in college, like, you know, I'm a very, I'm rules based. So I very much always follow the rules. So, you know, when I turned 21 in college, like that's when technically I am now allowed to drink. And I was training for a track for University of Florida. And I use that as the excuse, like, oh, I'm an athlete. I can't drink. I'm super focused.

But the real reason deep down is that I am such a control freak, right? Because of my CDO that I think I was so scared from seeing how so many people acted on alcohol that they lose control of themselves. They would lose their memory. They wouldn't remember what happened because they got blackout. I had a boyfriend in college who got a DUI on campus. I think he was on a scooter drunk. And so...

And so I ended up being like, you know what? Like, if that is a risk of me losing control of myself and how I'm coming across and maybe making a bad decision, it's not worth the risk. But I kind of cloaked that and made it look like it was because I was this serious athlete and I was training. But really, you know, it comes down to me being like,

obsessively wanting to control my life and that scared me. And then I just kind of got into finance and everybody was drinking. And when they found out I didn't, they were like, good for you. That's so different. And I was like, oh, now this makes me different. I'm totally going to keep this up. It's interesting too, like with that journey for you, it was always incentivized. You know what I mean? And I think that that's great because

It's ironic that not drinking came from wanting to stay in control. And I'm with you because as somebody who does have anxiety, that's the worst part is you go back the next morning and you're like, was I annoying? Was I obnoxious? Did I say too much? Did I embarrass myself? And it just is such a negative thing.

emotional spiral because it does inhibit your you know it inhibits your amygdala you don't know really what's going on your emotions become bigger everything becomes a little bit more loosey-goosey in a way where you feel less connected to self and I think that's for me was the point was wanting

To not, it wasn't control that I was after, but it was wanting to feel deeper, to deepen the connection that I had with my true self. I didn't want to mask. I didn't want to numb. I didn't want to hide. I wanted to feel everything. And I will say as somebody who did drink, then didn't, and now once in a blue moon will have a glass of wine, there is still that weird little guilt that I get on the one time or a few times I do drink because I feel like I'm letting myself down because I've...

committed to something cleaner for myself. So it's definitely a process, but I will say there is a movement happening in the world. And especially with like Gen Z and younger ones. And I'm really like, I feel very proud. I feel like proud, you know, older sister because they're waking up to the fact that alcohol isn't something that you need to have a good time and they want experiences. They want to feel completely themselves and empowered. So I'm hoping with this next chapter with where society is going that

That we hold on to this, that we hold on to this more focus on better experiences with relationships and not relationships with alcohol. Like, I don't think they fulfill at all. I really don't. Oh, it's wild, right? We all have our reasons. We all have our battles. We all have our insecurities. We all have ways to numb and cope and deal. And I really, truly believe that we are all just doing the best we can with what we have.

So if you find yourself in that position where you're trying to do less of something and then you do it and then you feel guilty for doing it, like give yourself some grace. Yeah. You better believe everybody else who's also trying to stop or do more or less of something, they're also having setbacks. And it's kind of how you nourish yourself through that.

Instead of tear yourself down, like be the good energy that you're giving yourself. And things are not in a binary. We don't want things to just be in a binary of good and bad or I was good today or bad today or I was bad because I drank alcohol or I was good because I worked out at the gym.

Really operating and learning to love those gray area spaces of your life is really where that power steps in because you're always evolving, transforming. And maybe you're a little bit more gray one day. Maybe you're a little bit more...

you know, another color another day. And that's quite all right. So it is. It's giving yourself grace and understanding as long as you're moving forward. That's the beautiful direction. Yeah, my therapist has worked very hard to get me out of black and white thinking because that is really, really unhealthy for me. And your point, you got to get comfortable with the gray. So as we're wrapping up here, Kendall, I

Should we tell them how we're coming up with the titles for our episode? Because I'm really excited about it. So I'm a big music head as is Gailey. And it's always been something we've bonded over. Obsessed. Absolutely obsessed.

So I think what the plan is, because great shows all have great titles. I think each show should be named after a song that relates to the content of the episode. I love making a playlist, as y'all know. And I also think it'd be a really fun thing for them to weigh in on if they think of certain songs that would fit like some of our episodes, some of our topics as well. So be sure to throw that on comments or anything on our Instagram at wholeheartedly pod. We want to know. Sure.

So episode one is Kendall came up with this. She gets full credit. Wake Me Up by Avicii because we talked about like morning routine when you wake up in the morning, but also we're like waking up to like this podcast for the first time with episode one. So I thought it was perfectly fitting and it's so our vibe. This one, I'm going to...

the Swifty in me is going to come out and I'm going to go with you need to calm down because of the social media hate. I think everyone just you just need to calm down and like you're being too loud. I think you're being too loud. Also, the voices in my head are too loud with the self-judgment and living in like a black and white binary of life. And so also it's a personal note, like

Girl, you need to calm down. Like, it's okay to be in that gray area. It's okay that things aren't always packaged and pretty and big yeses or big noes. So yes, you need to calm down. Thank you, T-Swift.

You're making me a Swifty by proxy. Honestly, it's slowly happening. It's a wild experience. I love it. Okay, so to wrap this up, let's talk about the one thing that we're committing to working on for the next week before we do this next Wednesday. So I'll go ahead and start. For me...

I don't know if you've seen our show on HBO Max, Home in a Heartbeat, but we literally create a home in a heartbeat. We do it in a three-day weekend. And all of my whole team, our eyes are bloodshot. Our hands are shaking from no sleep. And it is just awesome.

awful the way we wreck our bodies because to get it done in a weekend literally you can't sleep because every minute matters and and so I have an install happening this week I'm starting tomorrow and I have committed to shutting down the install at 9 p.m every night because normally it's 5 a.m 5

5 a.m. is usually our cutoff time and I'm doing 9 p.m. I'm bringing in a ton of new interns. Like I'm trying to set us up for success. I'm focusing on how can I do this and not destroy my whole team sleep pattern because we look like zombies after an install. So that is what I am committing to and I'll let you know how it goes. Okay, I'm very proud of you and I need updates day to day because that's a...

big shift. You work yourself to the bone. And I love that about you. You see it through until it's done the way that you want it to be done. But I love setting a boundary for 9 p.m. and bringing in more help. You got more troops in there. We got a lot of troops. I'm dry powder. It's coming in. Wait, how many? How many interns do you have? So I did a story and we had over a thousand people

volunteer to show up and intern like I cut it off after a thousand and I think my team interviewed maybe 300 already so we picked we picked four or five that are going to come and my team is small like we're only eight people so adding four or five more people is is you know

adding 50%. So it'll be, it'll be really interesting to see how it goes. Oh, it's gonna be an army of good people. Also, wow, like they beat the odds on that. That's like a bad like a tough college acceptance rate. Like go them go interns. It is it is they was it was going and this is still their interview process. So they're not technically on the team. This is going to be like, okay, interview round two. Now you meet Gailey and we see what you're made of on install. You

You're good. Let's see if you're going to get a spot on the team. Oh, this is like a reality show. We need to like watch this. Yeah, you know, it'll all be on Instagram. You'll see the whole thing. But hopefully we can pull it off before the family comes home. Sunday morning. I have full faith in you. I always do. I'm not surprised. It's gonna be awesome. Okay, so the thing that I am going to work on this week, I think ties into what we talked about earlier in this episode.

Now that I have this new chapter in my life, I think it's really important to get organized. And so I have this new routine. Yes, I know. Golf clap. This is a big moment. I'm clapping. I'm so proud. Thank you. So I have this great productivity planner that I ordered from this awesome girl named Grace Beverly. I love her. I'm so inspired by how she tracks her day. So I ordered that.

And then God bless, Shadow Man's a very organized human because you need that in relationships. Someone's got to be the chaos and someone's got to be the organizer. And I'm definitely the chaos. So we're going to sit down on Monday and just kind of get a whole calendar set for kind of social posting, some of the things I'm going to be announcing soon that I'm creating and just kind of take it day by day and follow time blocks as best as I can. So the goal this week is to get organized and stay present

So hopefully I'm less forgetful. That's going to be a long-term goal, but at least the organization is where we're going to start. Okay. So do you know where the planner is right now or did you lose it in Jersey? So we're at a loss because it was in the carry-on that I did not pack in the car. Oh my God.

We're not in a binary. Okay. I'm really operating in the gray area here. This is kind of a fail, but it's honest and it's okay. And this is, we are, we're going to give ourselves some grace on this. So we're going to actually order another one. Cause I really didn't start that one.

So we're going to order another one and have it hopefully overnight into my parents' place in Palm Springs. But at least Shadow Man and I are going to sit down on Monday and go through the overall overarching launches that are coming the next two months. So that'll make me feel really great and a little bit more in control.

Feel free to just like send it right back to me because I'll go through it with Shadowman and we'll make it for you. And I'll be very regimented and organized and I'll take I'll take really good care of you. So that's your backup. I will next time I see you, I'm bringing my phone and I'm bringing my backup phone and you can be my tech queen and set up this event. Because if I could empty out my messages like that, the response time, that's what I need to do. I need to be more responsive and more on the ball. So that is the goal, y'all. That is the goal.

All right. Well, you guys are our accountability partners, so you can hold us to this. And we just want to thank you so, so much for being here. Episode two, we thought it was going to be 45 minutes, but we like to talk. So I guess we're perfect for a podcast. Thank you for sticking through to the end. And as always, if you want to hear more from us and you found this additive and enjoyable, like, share,

review, comment, share, reshare, follow us on at wholeheartedlypod. And you can also follow Kendall at KendallTool. I'm a Gailey Alex. And we're going to be here every week as long as you'll have us. So every like and comment helps. Yes. Thank you guys so much. And remember to keep going out in the world and doing it with your whole heart. And we will see you next Wednesday. Bye.