Just B Dating: Do Your Homework! with Elite Matchmaker Barbie Adler
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Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life in marriage. I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I said the words that I've said like in my head for like 16 years.

wild listen to misspelling on the iheart radio app apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts k hasn't heard from her sister in seven years i have a proposal for you come up here and document my project all you need to do is record everything like you always do what was that that was live audio of a woman's nightmare can k trust her sister or is history repeating itself there's nothing dangerous about what you're doing they're just dreams

Welcome to Cheaters and Backstabbers. I'm Shadi Diaz. And I'm Kate Robards. And we are New York City stand-up comedians and best friends. And we love a good cheating and backstabbing story. Welcome.

So this is a series where our guests reveal their most shocking cheating stories. Join us as we learn how to avoid getting our hearts broken or our backs slashed. Listen to Cheaters and Backstabbers on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

So this is Barbie. Barbie and I first got in touch because I was doing a website and I wanted to have a dating expert write on my website in a blog. And so my team got in touch with her and she wrote a bunch of articles about dating that are not just for high net worth individuals that are definitely accessible because the principles are the same.

And I've read some articles that she's been mentioned in where she says you have to be a full person, like someone that you would want to date to enter into a relationship. So while she is maybe unattainable to many of you, her advice is certainly attainable. Well, I'll tell you my perspective on something. And I don't, and I believe that you feel the same. Now I think about sex. There are these people that I think are ridiculous and making these like hard and fast rules about sex. And it's the first date. It's the ninth date. It's the commitment date. It's

And I think that you probably, as I tell my daughter for the future, you're probably going to keep yourself more open and have a safer environment.

insurance policy if you don't immediately have sex with someone because you don't know how that's going to be perceived and you don't know if the body is going to move faster than the emotions and the connection. But I do think that being overly heightened about that means now you're sort of like a game player and you're going to have if you don't know, you should err on the side of not doing it. But I think

Some mature adults are in a moment and know that both people are adults. And if the other person isn't going to call you because you were intimate with them, you

It's likely not because you had sex with them. If it's really going, they're not going to be like, oh, we were amazing and compatible in every way. But this, you know, 45 year old woman had sex with me, so I'm not going to call her. I think that's all kind of bullshit. I think that you got to go with the way the waves are coming, in my opinion. I'm so happy you're bringing this up because I don't think enough people talk about this. And this is so important.

It is so old school to think that you have to wait a certain amount of dates for anything. All those rules, I think, are bullshit. I think the most important thing is...

You have to know yourself. If you sleep with someone when it's early on and if it doesn't go the distance and it's going to put you in pieces and you're just not going to be able to recover, then know yourself that you can't handle it and then know that that's not healthy for you. But if you could look at it almost like how men look at it, it's liberating. Yes. I love myself. I love the way I look. I want to feel good. We were in the moment and you went for it.

All the way. Exactly. I feel the same way. And if the next day, but you can't get in your head and start obsessing that that's the reason they're not calling. They would have not called either way. If it's a connection, it's a connection. And then you have to smile being like, I had that cool experience and it wasn't about him. It was about me. That was not about him. And I agree with you. Someone's not going to call you one way or the other. But what you have to be careful about is that you're not making a habit where then you're

it gets around or then you're ruining your reputation, something like that. But if you have the ability to differentiate emotions and physical connection and something that you want to go for, I think it's like, that just shows that you are happy with yourself. You're not going to judge yourself if you're called or not called because again, you're in the driver's seat of your life. You are the main character. If you want to do it, go for it. But you can also decide,

I'm not sleeping with this person unless I'm certain they're going to call me tomorrow. Like if you can feel that, you know, that you're safe and also that you can handle the emotion because there are, there is oxytocin. You are going to feel emotional and you may not be able to handle that connection you had and then not speaking to them. So to your point, you have to just be driving, whatever that is. And if you're in a vulnerable position emotionally, it might not be the right move. But for those reasons, you might decide, holy shit, I really like this guy. I want to make it special. Like,

I'm over just having sex. Like I, to me, it no longer feels good. Like it feels hollow. I really want to do it when it matters. And you could say to that guy, okay, take this as a compliment. I, I really like you and I do want to wait, but know that it's going to be really good when we have it, but just like hang in there because I really want it to be something special. And,

And you can also be funny. I've once said to someone... Playful, funny. I've once said, I'm not sleeping with you. And they'll be like, don't worry. You think that's all I wanted? I'm like, I'm not worried about you. I'm worried about myself. I need to sign a contract right now that I'm legally... You know, you can be funny about it so the person knows you want to... Playful, funny. Yes. Exactly. It's like you don't want to make it weird and then it gets awkward and then they're going to be with you to your point because you don't know how to communicate and you made things weird. It has to be like, don't do that to yourself. Like, don't shut down. And by the way,

it's beautiful to want to be alone too. That's a decision I am going to make. Like if I don't end up meeting someone who's additive and a great partner, I'm not going to settle for something that's not good. I would rather be alone. I'd rather not eat than eat something bad. You only want to do it if it's additive. Otherwise it's the quickest way to divorce attorney on, on, in your phone. It's, it's, you don't want to lie to yourself. This is your, your life. You are the main character. And,

you have to make sure that you're honoring what you need and you'll be so much happier meeting the right person. And it's okay to be alone. You don't need to all of a sudden go from relationship to relationship. A lot of times when people do that, they're not taking stock in what didn't work and what they need moving forward. They're just rushing from relationship to relationship. We all know people that have done that. We've

I mean, I've done that. And it's not healthy until you realize when you get older, like I didn't even take stock in what didn't work. I just ran into. And sometimes you go into the wrong person's arms because your counterbalance didn't work. Yes. And then you just don't want to be alone or everyone. It's a couple culture, right? So everyone has a couple and you want to go with all your girlfriends that are going off couples. And it, but like take stock and realizing, I mean, by the time I was still single, half of my friends that were married were divorced.

And I didn't even get married. It's like you have to realize everyone is going to have their turn. It's not a contest.

Sometimes the best decision is not making a move and staying single and having so much fun. There's so much things you could do when you're not in a relationship and honoring that era too. It's around just realizing you're declare independence and that this is you time. And whether that's self-care with your health, with your relationship with your body, with your mind, it's

Like if you think about mental health, people don't realize the serious nature of that. If you physically have a cut on your arm,

you're not going to continue to make the cut deeper. You know that that's like insanity. Why no one would ever do that? But we treat ourselves with such abuse of what the programming in our minds, we're saying to ourselves that it is like deepening the cut in your arm. And it's real pain and people aren't taking the time to heal and realizing that you have to be kind to yourself. I've been thinking about you. I want you back in my life. It's too late for that.

I have a proposal for you. Come up here and document my project. All you need to do is record everything like you always do. One session. 24 hours. BPM 110, 120. She's terrified. Should we wake her up? Absolutely not. What was that? You didn't figure it out? I think I need to hear you say it. That was live audio of a woman's nightmare. This machine is approved and everything?

You're allowed to be doing this? We passed the review board a year ago. We're not hurting people. There's nothing dangerous about what you're doing. They're just dreams. Dream Sequence is a new horror thriller from Blumhouse Television, iHeartRadio, and Realm. Listen to Dream Sequence on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling, as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life and marriage. I don't think he knew how big it would be, how big the life I was given and live is.

I think he was like, oh, yeah, things come and go. But with me, it never came and went. Is she Donna Martin or a down-and-out divorcee? Is she living in Beverly Hills or a trailer park? In a town where the lines are blurred, Tori is finally going to clear the air in the podcast Misspelling. When a woman has nothing to lose, she has everything to gain. I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I said the words. Yeah.

that I've said like in my head for like 16 years. Wild. Listen to Misspelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Angie Martinez. Check out my podcast where I talk to some of the biggest athletes, musicians, actors in the world. We go beyond the headlines and the soundbites to have real conversations about real life, death, love, and everything in between. This life right here, just finding myself, just relaxation, just not feeling stressed, just not feeling pressed. This is what I'm most proud of. I'm proud of Mary because I've been through hell and some horrible things.

that feeling that I had of inadequacy is gone. You're going to die being you. So you got to constantly work on who you are to make sure that the stars align correctly.

Life ain't easy and it's getting harder and harder. So if you have a story to tell, if you've come through some trials, you need to share it because you're going to inspire someone. You're going to you're going to give somebody the motivation to not give up, to not quit. Listen to Angie Martinez IRL on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. So we were talking about being alone.

And I think when someone is alone, but from an angry place to the point of what we were talking about, people can smell that. I think I have found this in my life right now. I have had more, it's like how women gravitate towards a married man. Me being emotionally, not unavailable, but just saying, I want to be alone right now. I'm happy alone, choosing to be alone, which is why this post that I did went viral because I said, society makes it like, oh, it's okay to be alone. Like as if you're some like pet instead of like,

Like all the women that I speak to in my comments who are like, I want to be alone and not from an angry place. Like I like it. And maybe you meet someone unexpectedly, like a person who stops trying to get pregnant, gets pregnant. And maybe you don't. But I think that it's attractive to be confident and to be standing on your own two feet in being alone, not being alone is some consolation prize. Absolutely. I mean, that's what our society has gotten right is that.

It's a choice and it actually could be the best thing you've done for yourself and highly attractive and

to put yourself first and enjoy that time too. And it's okay to not want to be with anybody. Like couplehood is not for everybody. Um, just like having kids is not for everybody. I'm a step-mom. I don't have my own kids, but you could get fulfillment and nurturing and make family so many different ways. It's just a modernized approach. So whether we're talking about sex or relationships or when you opt in or out, I think the biggest thing is that it's,

It's liberating that it's your choice and it's no one else's choice. And don't listen to the peanut gallery of everyone trying to push you along of what they want for you. It's you have to silence the noise and realize what do I want for my life? You only have a finite period of time. Okay. To that point. So this is where it's, it's, it's interesting and it happens a lot on the apps to that point is,

We have to be very strict. We have to be selective. The name of your company is Selective Search. And we are going, we're not going into the mall wandering around where we don't know what we're going to buy. We come home with a bunch of crap. We're going in knowing what we want. But sometimes along the way, you see something you didn't think you wanted. And how do you ride that line? Like, how do you know? You said you didn't want a guy like this, but he looks interesting. Is it like...

wants and needs. Like you would want someone who was Jewish, but if it's not a diehard need for you, then you could go out if someone was interesting. Like you set some guidelines for yourself, but how do you know which ones are strict and which you should just say, all right, I'm going to try that. Cause then you end up getting discouraged by going on bad dates. Like that's bad too. When you start to date, you got to be careful. Cause if you go on bad dates, you hate the whole thing and you miss your exes, for example.

And then that's the quickest way to make bad mistakes of going backwards. Yes. Both with that person or, you know, emotional, like a breakdown or setback. The biggest thing is you have to be intentional, write it down. Whether you get a notepad or it's in your notes of your phone, you have to write down, okay, what are the most important things that I'm not unapologetically going to settle for? Like, this is my list of non-negotiables. And that should be more about,

character traits. It shouldn't be as much about the physical look of somebody. It should be more about lifestyle, whether it's family planning. It's about how you spend your time. Is it days, active days, nights out? Like height and age can move. But if someone has young children, maybe wouldn't because that's

Depending on what you know. If you know that you want to have kids, why are you dating a man that's telling you, I don't want to have more kids? Or if they say, I don't know, maybe you're either pregnant or not pregnant. If they're not clear on it, unfortunately, you're going to be wasting time with someone that isn't the right person for you. So you have to get real clear on what you want out of life. And it should be fun. It's like you are the architect of your own life and you have to geek out on, okay, I'm

I'm now post-college. What do I want? And it's the same thing about when you're being strategic a plan about your professional life. It's now thinking, and this is the part that no one teaches us of like taking the time to be strategic planning about your personal life. Nobody does that. No, because it is a business and people treat it the way that someone just gets into a relationship with the first guy that likes them. That's like investing in the first business I saw in Shark Tank, which was shit.

Like, or me just like, you got to take it seriously because it's your bandwidth and your time. So if I spend time on a ship business, I can't spend time on a good business. If I spend time on garbage online, I'm not spending time with my kid. Like you have to be invested in this process if you're going to do it, unless you want to just sleep around. And you also have to

Two things I want to say. You have to deep, deep dive research. Like you have to be an investor because people are scumbags. And I really do want to say that I know Barbie's going to agree. There are so many amazing men out there and women always want to say men suck and there are no good men because they've had a bad experience because they haven't done this the first time around. Again,

shameless plug, but like I represent so many amazing, like where the good guys couldn't mind an eligible bachelors. They're my clients that are ready to meet their person. And it does. And that's why I was so bummed that the golden bachelor didn't pan out in real life because I, I create people happy love that go the distance and do have that happy ending for them that want to be in a partnership. And I do think it's an important message to realize there's

So many amazing women out there and there's so many amazing guys out there. But if you're going towards TV, Barbie, they're not going to be good. That's why I'm sure I'd be offered a thousand of those shows, but I'm not going to meet the kind of men that I would want to meet. Yeah, no. And they should have had someone like me go and vet them because for that reason, it didn't work out because they...

Who knows what it is, but it is for your set is all scripted. None of the men that you would ever set me up with ever go on the golden bed. That's the point. So that's the point. But the point is, is like to realize that because we never learned this, it's important to understand the message that you have to do your homework. You have to silence everything, create your strategic plan of what you want and

And then realize you need to have a little bit of wiggle room. Like, okay, I want six feet, but if the right guy that's five, nine that comes around and he's the most amazing guy, don't take yourself out of the running of that. Like, what if he makes you so happy? I used to be a heightest. All my boyfriends were over six feet. I'm married to the most amazing man ever. He's five, nine and a half. Oh, interesting. I didn't know that. When I'm with him, I feel like a supermodel. And when we're out, he feels like he's with a supermodel. It's like, thank goodness.

I evolved and I do this for a living, so I was able to help myself. That doesn't matter. That was unuseful. That was setting me back in terms of my search because I was...

putting limitations on that were superficial and not making it happen. But you're saying, you've just said that you're treating this like a dating business plan, but in business, you get on the road and you think it's going to cost a certain amount of money. You make certain plans, but we plan and God loves. You have a structure when you create a business plan, but ultimately you have to be able to move with the tides and roll with the punches because things will change in life and business and in dating. And you also feel like you realize, okay,

What's sexy? Yes, a good-looking man or someone that's sexy too, of course. But sexy could be someone that does what they say they're going to do, a man with a plan, or someone that takes into account how you feel and supports you or helps you with the dishes. It could be something as mundane as that. But there's other ways that are highly attractive. Is this the guy that's going to help get up with you in the middle of the night to help with your baby? It's like you don't want the selfish guy that's not part of your material either. So that's why I feel like people...

Don't want to be alone. They're pushed through society and they just stay in a relationship because they're afraid to be alone or they don't know how it's going to get any better. And that's why I'm here to say don't do that because settling is the quickest way that you're going to be having a broken heart. No. And you're saying that you'd rather be with someone who's five, nine and a half and settle on the six feet, but not the getting up in the middle of the night with the baby.

Totally. Absolutely. I want the guy that when I look like shit and I'm at my worst, still loves me and thinks that, you know, I'm the most beautiful thing. And I don't have to have that pressure of all of this, of being perfect, because there is no such thing as perfect, but you're perfect together. So be flexible in certain areas, but very strict in other areas. That's what you're saying. Yeah. And also realize that, OK, if there's a really good guy in front of you, but maybe he's not your type. Yeah.

obviously that didn't get you where you want to be. And that's an unhealthy pattern that you need to break. And maybe this is forget your type. Like that didn't work for you. That's an unhealthy pattern. And it's like, you just have to run around race and feel confident that it might not be what someone else wanted for you. But if this guy makes you happy, just be strong in your conviction that like, I'm happy. So when you're on the apps, ladies and gentlemen, Barbie is effectively saying, which I think is true. Um,

because in her deep dive, when she talks to someone, it sounds like she figures out about their past. So when you're in your apps, before that, think about your past and don't go down the same rabbit holes. Like, you know, we go in the store and we buy the same lip gloss we have, the same color. You just get attracted to the same thing. But you come home and you're like, wait, I already had that. And it's funny you say that because a friend of mine said to me, my friend, Louis Lazanero, I would never expect the greatest quote of my life to come from Louis Lazanero. Not that I don't love Louis. He said to me,

You always go for the same guy in like a different pack. Like it's the same guy over and over. That's what he sees. He sees me as, yes, there can be some outlier bad situations, but he thinks that I go for a similar guy. And he said to me, rock stars need rock stars. That's what he said he was seeing. And it was interesting because I,

I think when you start dating, even on the apps, you have to go back and look at what your ex looks like, not physically, but like what the issues were, what went wrong and not recreate those patterns and what went right. I've been thinking about you. I want you back in my life. It's too late for that. I have a proposal for you. Come up here and document my project. All you need to do is record everything like you always do. One session, 24 hours.

BPM 110, 120. She's terrified. Should we wake her up? Absolutely not. What was that? You didn't figure it out? I think I need to hear you say it. That was live audio of a woman's nightmare. This machine is approved and everything? You're allowed to be doing this? We passed the review board a year ago. We're not hurting people. There's nothing dangerous about what you're doing. They're just dreams. Dream Sequence is a new horror thriller from Blumhouse Television, iHeartRadio, and Realm.

Listen to Dream Sequence on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous, sometimes chaotic life and marriage. I don't think he knew how big it would be, how big the life I was given and live is in

I think he was like, oh, yeah, things come and go. But with me, it never came and went. Is she Donna Martin or a down-and-out divorcee? Is she living in Beverly Hills or a trailer park? In a town where the lines are blurred, Tori is finally going to clear the air in the podcast Misspelling. When a woman has nothing to lose, she has everything to gain. I just filed for divorce. Whoa, I said the words.

that I've said like in my head for like 16 years. Wild. Listen to Misspelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Cheaters and Backstabbers. I'm Shadi Diaz. And I'm Kate Robards. And we are New York City stand-up comedians and best friends. And we love a good cheating and backstabbing story. Welcome.

So this is a series where our guests reveal their most shocking cheating stories. Join us as we learn how to avoid getting our hearts broken or our backs slashed. Listen to Cheaters and Backstabbers on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Another thing is like, okay, maybe one picture, this person looks dorky, but...

Sometimes it's nice to have like a gem that's like a diamond in the rough that you just have to polish off a little bit. And he's like the best gem out there. Like don't go for the most shiny object on the app. Or care what other people would think because you have to live your own life. Yeah, like if you like the pedigree of like he's solid and you like what he wrote about himself, like take a risk and like go out with someone that you maybe would never go out with. Like be on an adventure that way. You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain by...

evolving your taste. It's almost like when you're a kid, you like chicken nuggets, right? But when you get older, you realize that you like broccoli and you like healthy things. And all of a sudden you have a different palette for things that are good for you. Yes. For healthy. So I always say good Barbie. Oh my gosh. Every, every once in a while. So I always say like, you think that like a bad boy is like attracted to, but that's like eating a hot fudge Sunday and thinking that's going to make you feel good afterwards.

But what makes you feel good is maybe it's like the healthy choice that that's the good guy. So you want to do that with your own love life and realize people that make you upset, people that try to keep you in a box or that don't allow you to be yourself,

that's not a healthy relationship dynamic. That's going to get old quickly and it's going to make you feel even worse about yourself. You want to be with someone that you could be yourself and that you don't have to do perfect with and you could evolve together. And that's the healthy relationship. So when you're looking back at your relationships today,

Make sure you're looking at what worked, what didn't work and what doesn't serve me. Maybe it serves you well in your twenties and thirties, but in forties, but if you haven't dated in a few decades, it's a, it's a different marketplace. I always explain to people, if you haven't bought a house in 30 years,

You have to realize that dating, you're not the same version of yourself in 30 years. So you have to realize that you have to recalibrate in terms of what matters most. And it's maybe not looks anymore. And now it's about personality and lifestyle and compatibility. And you have chemistry. I'm not saying ever settle on chemistry together and compatibility, but it could be a slow burn. No, you fall in love with the house. When you go in, you have to fall in love with the house. And then you have to make sure it works for you and has what you need. But maybe it's a slow burn.

It doesn't have to be chemistry where date one, you know, I mean, I just talked to a client and it was a slow burn. And now she's like, he is so sexy. We have the best sex. I went, that does happen. And it does happen. And you got to give it some time. It's like a fine wine. You got to let it open up and breathe. And also,

Where both people are in their lives. First of all, you can't make a dog a cat. If you find out that you want a cat and you have a dog in front of you, you can't make a dog a cat and you will know quickly. You're constantly telling your friend, wait, the way this person is texting is weird. The way they don't call is weird. And you tell them four times and it's still the same. You can't make a dog a cat or they're obsessed with their parents or whatever that is. But number two, where are they in their life? What are they going through? Like timing is critical because I

If you're going through something negative, even if you force yourself because there's somebody good in front of you, same thing with buying a house. Like, you could love it, but it might not be the right timing for you financially. And then you're going to stretch yourself and you're going to get stressed out and it's going to be bad. Same thing with relationships. The timing has to line up and someone has to be where they can...

I don't want to be business partners with someone who can't commit to what I can commit to. I'd rather not work with them, even if they have a great idea, business, whatever. I want someone who can meet me where I'm at. And if someone's not in a place where they can be a good partner and they want what you want, you got to, you know, they might have thought they might.

might've thought they could, by the way, sometimes people want to just date and get on the board and they might, they want just add a, add a girlfriend and it doesn't work that way. I think it's like, you have to realize just like business, how you have to be head smart. And that's why a lot of times businesses that want to merge the deals off and doesn't happen. You have to do that for your own personal life and treat it more like a business to be unapologetic about what you need and what's going to be healthy for you long-term. This is my honest truth.

I could go on for two and a half hours. I could go on for 10 hours and talk to Barbie. So I just want you guys to know that I want you guys to send in questions, but I'll have Barbie. I'll have questions for Barbie, but I would love to get into all of this from sex to money, to age, to, you know, uncomfortable conversations, to gender, to.

to divorce, to all of this. So we will have Barbie back because I know you have a thousand questions for her, as do I. I'm really glad that she's been here. Barbie, I'm so grateful because I literally wasn't expecting this to be like this and to be so many pockets. This is a major topic. So matchmaking is a huge topic. Dating is a huge topic. You're a huge topic. Love it. I'm all about it. And I think it's so needed because there's no one out there that's really teaching people how to focus on...

enriching their own personal lives and nothing matters more than your love life and your personal life. So I'm so happy that you're covering all this for everyone. Kay hasn't heard from her sister in seven years. I have a proposal for you. Come up here and document my project. All you need to do is record everything like you always do.

What was that? That was live audio of a woman's nightmare. Can Kay trust her sister, or is history repeating itself? There's nothing dangerous about what you're doing. They're just dreams.

Dream Sequence is a new horror thriller from Blumhouse Television, iHeartRadio, and Realm. Listen to Dream Sequence on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Meet the real woman behind the tabloid headlines in a personal podcast that delves into the life of the notorious Tori Spelling as she takes us through the ups and downs of her sometimes glamorous life.

Sometimes chaotic life in marriage. I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I said the words that I've said like in my head for like 16 years. Wild. Listen to Miss Spelling on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Welcome to Cheaters and Backstabbers. I'm Shadi Diaz. And I'm Kate Robards. And we are New York City stand-up comedians and best friends. And we love a good cheating and backstabbing story. So this is a series where our guests reveal their most shocking cheating stories. Join us as we learn how to avoid getting our hearts broken or our backs slashed. Listen to Cheaters and Backstabbers on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.