full bush in a thong summer
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Hi guys, welcome back. Today I'm not going to talk about a particular topic because my brain is not functioning properly. I'm going to get into this in a sec. My mouth is actually filling up with spit.

as I speak so I'm really sorry if that translated into the microphone oh I'm so repulsive I'm going through one of those phases at the moment you know when you just are getting a bad smell off yourself sort of thing do you know I don't know what is going on at me at the moment but

Anyway, I've been having a few health issues and I never know what to say to the GP if certain things are connected to each other. Like if I go to the GP about, say, a sore period, I will just tell her everything what's wrong with me at the same time, not knowing if they're connected or not. Because you

you'll it's sometimes it will surprise you some sicknesses will have like say you get a sore toe and you have bad breath at the same time and then it's an indicator of some sort of random illness do you know what I mean so I just make sure to mention absolutely everything that's wrong with me in in that particular time just so that we cover all the bases you know so anyway I've been having a few health issues but it is actually impacting my life overall um so any no no anyways

I bet three months ago, if you watch my YouTube videos, you will be familiar with this already because I have been talking about it. So I regularly track my period. I'm very in tune with my body when it comes to that sort of thing, because I always do say, and I'll say it again, I've said this before, your period is always an indicator of sometimes of an underlying health issue. And I do think you should pay attention of your ingoings and also your outgoings. That's including what's going into the toilet.

How often you're going into the toilet. These should be things that you know all the time. And I think it's been drilled into me since I had Bea. Because in the maternity ward, they'll always ask you like how many wet nappies, how many dirty nappies. Because they need to keep track of how many excrements they're producing. Blurrf.

So then I started doing it with myself, paying more attention to what's going into my body as well at the same time, because I'm of the persuasion of eating when I'm bored, snacking throughout the day and not paying attention to it rather than creating or making or putting together a nice nutritious meal. I'll just shove random things into my mouth to satiate the hunger rather than fuel my body with

good things but I've been making more an intentional effort to do that but anyway the health issues that I've been having are all to do with sort of my nether regions so if you don't mind no we're all friends here so anyway about three months ago randomly I got this really heavy period and I'm now I've been very lucky this is like you know I feel like um

my mom now it's like sure I can eat anything and I just stay skinny sure I can't I can't help it I just I actually find it hard to put on weight do you know what I mean I just I'm skinny I you know one of those I feel like one of those people when I talk about my period because I've been very lucky I've never really gotten terrible symptoms bit cranky before my period yeah sure no problem I'm cranky anyway just in general so I don't even think I can use that excuse but

Not too heavy. Absolutely grand. Maybe, no, probably a bit on the heavier side, but it's never affected like my energy levels. I've never actually gotten really bad cramps. I've never had to take a day off school or anything for a period. I've never had to take a day off work. I don't even have a real job, but you know what I mean? I've never had to be bed-bent because of my period.

anyway so it is really noticeable if stuff it does a bit of a switch up a bit of a switcheroo so three months ago I got this really heavy period to the point where Jason was actually a bit worried so I was changing my tampon like every hour or something I was going through my trousers I was going through the sheets I was sweating really heavily at night time I was giving off a bad smell a bit of a bad smell what else

loads of clots sorry if this gets a bit woozy it's so funny when I was describing this to Jason he was like no no no stop I'm feeling lightheaded and I was like what I'm literally experiencing this but it was making me feel lightheaded as well even talking about or thinking about it but then I was like okay it's probably just one freak month where I'm a bit stressed and my body is like reacting differently you know sometimes your period is a bit late if you're stressed we've all been there taking the pregnancy tests and actually in the end you get your period about two days later you're probably just stressed about being thinking you're pregnant and then you just get your period anyway

So then the month after that, sorry, I'm also wheezing. I think that's one of the things. I'm not even smoking at the moment, guys. And I've been wheezing. I don't know if people have been noticing that in the podcast. And that's probably why I'm a bit embarrassed to do them because I'm noticeably wheezy. I'm a wheezy pants. So the month after that,

same thing what happened was my period was a week early now again very lucky I have the natural cycles app I track my period my period is on the button every 28 days on the button it's always accurate always get it always know what I'm going to get it never had a moment where I've been shocked or surprised always know what I'm going to get it then so the what happened is the month after this I got it a week early

I thought that's a bit strange. Maybe I'm a little bit stressed. And this is my excuse for everything because it's what my mom has always drilled into us. You're not sick. You're just stressed. You're just a little bit stressed. And I was like, OK, that's probably true because, you know, your body keeps score and everything. So I'm telling myself I'm just a little bit stressed. It's fine. I don't even know what the fuck I'm stressed about. Like, I don't have anything to be stressed about, to be honest. My life is literally very easy. If anything, it's a breeze. I'm getting stressed maybe about the world issues at the moment. It's a bit apocalyptic.

at the moment but I'm good at compartmentalizing and not thinking about things too bit of cognitive dissonance why not so I'm shoving that shoving that away in a different compartment of my brain to think about later because my mom also said she's full of wisdom at the moment you need to give yourself designated times in the day to worry and then the rest of the day you're not allowed so that's what you should do little tip there from my mother anyway

So I'm thinking, oh fuck, I must be a bit stressed in my head. But I'm not. Anyway, so none of this is out of the ordinary. So I'm just like, it's fine. Then my hair starts falling out. Again, if you've watched me for a long time, I do have stress-induced alopecia. So my hair does fall out. It fell out a lot a few times.

a few years ago when I was moving house. So again, this was just another indicator for me that I was stressed. So I was like, okay, what is going on in my life? Get the fucking pen and paper out. Let's journal a little bit here. Then I come to the conclusion. I'm not actually stressed about it. I'm trying to find these clues. I'm just like Inspector Gadget trying to figure out what's going on in my life because is there something that I'm stressed about that I'm not even aware of? Anyway, bit of wheezing.

low energy when I'm starting to go to yoga or Pilates, which usually I get up really early in the morning. I'm like a morning early riser. I love the fucking morning. I'm literally like, hello world. I'm ready for the day. I love a bit of morning. There's nothing better than a fresh start. Are you fucking joking? That's glorious. A glorious fresh start to your week or your day or whatever it is. I love a good morning. Like just starting...

a slow start early rise before everybody else having a little bit of a moment to myself a bit of gandering a bit of pondering a bit of gandering out the window nothing better what happened then was I was noticing that I wasn't able to get up as fresh as a daisy as I usually do

I was snoozing the alarms. I was sleeping a bit longer. I was really tired throughout the day. When I hit 3 p.m., like I am now, I'm doing a bit of lying down. Now, I usually do like a bit of lying down, but in balance, I also do like a bit of action. Like, I don't like being sick when, you know, when you're bed-bent for a week or whatever. Hate that. I like getting up. I like seizing the day. Carpe diem, whatever else. What happened was I was getting more and more tired.

something's not right here I don't feel like myself right but I was thinking that was a symptom of the heavy periods so I wasn't connecting the dots here that there might be an overall umbrella thing that was a that was causing all of these things like the hair loss the irregular and heavy periods and the low energy then what was the nail in the coffin oh yeah so then after that period two weeks later I got a random gush of blood so I'm thinking that's definitely not right

So then I'm Googling away Dr. Google, which you should not do. I was doing a bit of Dr. Google and then I thought, oh, maybe it's implantation bleeding because sometimes if you get pregnant, you get a bit into it when the fertilized egg implants on the lining of your womb, you lose a bit of blood like what the rest of the lining of the womb, whatever. So I thought, OK, I'm pregnant. I'm going to have to wait a few days to see if this comes up in a pregnancy test. Now,

I'm tracking my cycle so there is still high probability that I can get pregnant but that's because I'm with a long-term partner we already have a child together it wouldn't be the end of the world if we do get pregnant that's why I'm not any on any proper like real contraception if you catch my drift do you know I also have a regular cycle so that's why I'm like the perfect candidate for naturally tracking my cycles we also don't have sex that often because we have a toddler do you know what I mean it's like once in a blue moon I'm gonna be honest yeah

That's it. Like we're still raring for each other. It's just, it's the time and place sort of thing. We take what we're given or what we can get. We take what we can get. Anyway. So anyway, random gush of blood. Then I'm telling my mammy, I'm going, ma'am, there's something wrong here. I'm bleeding now in the middle of my cycle. I don't think this is right. Sorry, backtrack. I took a pregnancy test.

It was negative. And now I'm a clear blue baby. I get the like, oh, we can tell when you're pregnant before you've even had the sex. You know, one of those sort of tests. So it said not pregnant straight away. So I wait another few days. Then what happens is...

my I'm telling my mommy all of this and she's going oh Jesus because she thinks that I'm trying for a baby and I'm like that's a big miscommunication there ma'am I'm not trying at the moment so that wasn't it she was going oh Jesus no and I'm going no no no that's not the reaction I was looking for there's a there's a few health issues here so then anyway what happens I'm on my natural cycles app I'm tracking all the time I'm getting the period blah blah blah and then what happens is my period is then five days late the next month I'm thinking there's something's really wrong there's something wrong down there

So my mom is going, okay, if you are, she's still on the buzz where she thinks that we're trying for a baby. So she's like, oh my God, you're trying and you can't get pregnant. We let's book you in for the doctor and you're randomly bleeding, right? But my period's then five days late. So I'm like, I must be pregnant. This is obviously the, I'm sleeping a lot. The losing hair doesn't make any sense. I was like, I'm really tired. I'm lethargic. I'm getting really bad brain fog. Like it's dangerous to drive sort of thing. I was like, I don't think I could be driving, which is so good actually at the moment because I could be passenger princess with Jason.

Great excuse. But also the house is like turning into a bit of a tip because I don't have the energy to be doing stuff throughout the day. And I also hate that. Like I like a clean space, a clean and tidy space. But there's just like piles of clean laundry building and building on the designated chair in the bedroom, you know, yourself.

So anyway, my mom books me in for the doctor. Dr. Luzanne, brilliant. She's like straight away, takes you seriously, takes the pain seriously, knows what the fucking sauce is. So I'm telling her every single symptom I have under the sun. I'm literally like, I had diarrhea there two weeks ago. I don't know if that's connected because you just have to cover all the bases, as I said. So the hair falling out, low energy, blah, blah, blah, a bit of pain during ovulation, random bleeding in the middle of the month.

irregular irregular and heavy periods lower back pain is that it a bit of diarrhea a bit of the bit of the else shits that's fine uh so she books me in then emergency pelvic scan so i'm thinking oh jesus that's it now that's the end of me now um it was actually grand i actually wasn't too worried to be honest i was like i have i probably have a cyst that's fine get the pelvic scan

Luckily, Jason works very near the place where I was getting the scan, so he was able to take a little bit of a break and come with me. Because with those things, I am a bit nervous. I would be a bit nervous because they had to do the probe. So I had to get a transvaginal scan, if anyone is not familiar. It's basically like a hard, phallic sort of shaped thing. Like, you know when you get an ultrasound, they hold that sort of...

instrument over your womb. It's like that same instrument, except it's in a phallic shape. And they have to put a condom over it sort of thing. And then like this gel, so it can go in and you have to put it, you have to insert it yourself. And then they're kind of rubbing it up against the lining of your vagina. Now, not sore. I literally, when they said to me, you're going to have to get a transvaginal scan, I literally was like, oh my God, I'm going to be roaring in pain because I, because I was obviously,

Doing a bit of Dr. Google. Texting my sisters and my mom about all these problems I was having with my nether regions. I was getting then on the algorithm these horror stories about...

pelvic scans, not pelvic scans, smear tests, biopsies, colposcopy. Is that what it is? Colposcopies, all this stuff. And I was thinking, oh my God, I'm going to be roaring in pain. And I actually don't find pain that bad. Like I like the feeling of getting a tattoo. That's why I have so many bad, sorry, the beef there when I was at a play group the other day, some man was like, I thought you had doodles all over your arm. I was thinking, yeah.

Yeah, that's crazy, isn't it? Anyway, and also then, sorry, the reason why I thought I really was pregnant, can I just back, I'm sorry, I'm going all over the place. This is when I don't have a topic. I'm just, this is my stream of consciousness and I actually just needed someone to talk to, even though I've been talking to everyone I know about this already, but it's like, I do need to, I feel like the girlies will have a good back and forth with me on this too.

So anyway, another reason why I'm going, let's rewind there a week before the transvaginal scan. The reason why I thought I was pregnant then again. So if you can imagine, I'm having all these random symptoms and I've been pregnant before. So you have to remember that. I know what it feels like to be pregnant. And it really felt like I was pregnant, like tired. Because the reason I knew I was pregnant the last time is because my dog was acting really weird around me and I was sleeping a lot. And that was really unusual for me. Like I'm not a napper during the day. And at the moment, I'm very much like I need a nap.

I need a nap and babies were acting strange around me. So I was thinking, I was taking this as a sign from the universe and God. And I'm getting real into, well, I'm trying to connect anyway with like the earth has a pulse. Nature is trying to talk to us or communicate to us or I'm experiencing psychosis. Either or. I prefer the communicating with nature. No, it's fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. Okay.

So I'm trying to get in touch with this sort of like hugging trees vibes, listening to the sound of the wind. I think it's because of those birds living in the fence of my apartment. I'm kind of like, guys, let's get a bit of a buzz going on here. I'm actually so lonely. What am I going to do? I've had my best friend Asher for the past five weeks and I was like, I've actually not spoken so much in the past two years, I think.

Do you know what I mean? I actually bumped into someone for the first time, I think, in a year. I bumped into someone I know. Like, that's how bad I am at the moment. Like, that's how little I see people. I actually bumped into someone and that was like a bit of excitement. I went to a funeral today and I was like, a bit of excitement. I actually get to see people I know. That's fucking terrible. Anyway, so anyway, back to what I was saying. Babies were acting a bit weird around me. And I always do think...

B, I've been dying for... You know the way toddlers will say something like crazy about their past lives. I was always dying for B to go onto this whole like I was a cowboy in a past life. Like I thought she was a horse in a past life when I was pregnant with her. I wanted to listen to classical music. I thought she was trying to speak to me in some sort of way. And I also do...

believe that babies and mamas share a soul then for the first three years. I read that somewhere. It's a spirituality sort of belief thing. It might be a part of some religion, but I'm not sure which. But it's believed that babies and mamas will share the same soul for three years. So I always thought that she was trying to communicate to me. Like, you know, moms will understand this as well. You know, when you wake up or even...

Yeah, you wake up like a second before your baby wakes up. I think that is because some of their DNA is still inside you and it's able to communicate with you. I just think pregnancy and childbirth and giving birth is such an anomaly to me. And I do think there's so much more to it that we don't know and there's no way to study. But anyway, babies were acting real weird around me.

I held my friend Kelly's newborn baby boy and my whole body started tingling. And I thought what was happening was when you're pregnant as well, sometimes you get a bit of, now this usually happens when you're like 20 weeks plus, where your boobs will tingle a little bit and you'll leak a bit of milk, especially if you hear a baby cry or if you're around a newborn baby. So my whole body started tingling and including my boobs. And I was like, oh my God, I am pregnant. Then what happened was I was out for dinner with my sister Ellie

And Bea then turns to me and says, you have a sister in your belly, mama. And it's growing. And I was like, oh my fucking God, I'm pregnant. Then what happened to me was I was at a playgroup. And this is a random child that came up to me and said, do you have a baby in your belly? And I was thinking, fuck. Three for three, let's go. I'm pregnant. That's it. That's the answer. And it's not like...

I had a big problem. Like, I don't have an issue if I was pregnant. I wouldn't, it wouldn't be like, ah, like the last time. Do you know what I mean? Like, I have loads of savings. I'm actually very secure. I have a driving license. You know, it's not fucked up anymore. I'm actually at the normal age to have a child now. But anyway, I took another pregnancy test then. Again, clear blue. Tells you a fucking week before you're even pregnant. But at this stage, like, it would be telling me if I'm pregnant.

I'm not pregnant. So then I call my mom. She's giving me the same rigmarole. Oh, Jesus, you have fertility issues. And I'm going, no, no, no, I'm not trying. That's not what's happening. I'm just telling you I got negative test again. So there's just a big bit of a question mark over the health issues. Why am I so tired? Why am I losing my hair? What's with the irregular random gushes of blood? So then she says, let's book you in with the doctor. I have a brilliant Dr. Luzanne. She's fantastic. Straight to the point. Listens to you. So I'm telling her all the symptoms. So fast forward then again to the transvaginal scan.

Jason's holding my hand. I have a beautiful... Is it radiologist? Anyway, whoever does the ultrasound. She was brilliant, really kind, nurturing, like felt very safe. It's felt very looked after. It's not something to be scared of whatsoever. If anyone is like...

daunting that whole experience for me explaining that like it's just something like it's a bit uncomfortable it's not sore whatsoever obviously an ultrasound isn't sore at all the only bit that's uncomfortable is if you're not pregnant you have to have a full bladder so you have to drink a liter of water before you get that's the only part I find hard because I'm like I'm going to piss myself on this table and I'm surprised that more women don't

especially if you've already had a kid I don't understand how people aren't pissing on that table because I was bursting that whole time but anyway then got the probe in everything was fine then my results came back all clear so I was thinking that's strange so they booked me in now for a hormonal blood test but what I'm thinking is the problem is something to do with my thyroid I don't want to self-diagnose because obviously I'm going to be getting all these things like someone is going to figure out what the answer is anyway

But it can be triggered postpartum. My mom also has an underactive thyroid. I'm not sure if it's genetic, but I do believe it's something to do with my thyroid. But I hope it gets figured out because it's affecting my work. It's affecting my social skills. It's affecting now. And as well, I've also talked about this before. One of my biggest fears is losing my memory. It's a bit of an obscure one. I always like to be a bit unique, a bit different.

It's not snakes. It's not spiders, guys. It's losing my memory. That's why I love journaling. I love reading. I love learning new words. It's one of my favorite things to do, like learning a new word. Oh my God, I'm developing my language. That's crazy that I can articulate myself better. What a fantastic skill to have. But at the moment, I'm losing words for everything. Like, you know, after you give birth and you can't remember your own name sort of thing because of the lack of sleep, it feels a little bit like that.

except I'm getting a full night's sleep. Like Bea doesn't wake up in the night. I have absolutely no excuse. I have a really good balanced diet at the moment.

getting good exercise and fresh air in like I'm active for the first part of the day but once it hits 3pm I actually cannot function like I need to lie down for a little bit and I cannot do anything and I feel really bad because I'm like Jason's getting home from work and I'm like I'm sorry I actually cannot move like I genuinely I need to sleep like I can't do it but it's like when you get sick and you feel really grateful then for your or when you get a blocked nose and you feel grateful for when you can breathe through your nose properly I think I'm going to really take advantage of that when my body is fully functioning properly and

But anyway, I'll keep it updated on my next period. It's a real like, oh, what's going to happen next on my next period? Yeah.

You know what I mean? Is it going to come? Oh, plot test. I actually am pregnant. No, obviously they tested it for me and then I got my period. I did get my period in the end. So I know 100% I'm not pregnant. But ma'am, I'm not trying at the moment. So there's no need to worry. But I do think it is good to test anyway, regardless if I were to be trying to have a baby in the near future, because I do think thyroid issues can affect your fertility. Fertility.

I don't know. I don't know. Am I talking shite? I'm talking shite now. Wait. But anyway, what I wanted to talk about was beauty standards for the summer because I'm going on my holidays next week. Woohoo! And it's my first ever sun holiday with Bea, I'm pretty sure. We've been on a holiday before, but not like a proper sun, like a beach, in the pool, armbands, goggles, like the whole works sort of holiday. This will be our first time in a proper hot

country so I am going to get her one of those if anyone has actually any tips for going to a hot country with a small child I'm going to get one of those electric fans that you attach to the buggy but we will be like getting those beach parasols like I wouldn't be you know in this in the fucking sun the uv10 out with her all day we are going to have a little siesta in the middle of the day because I'm sure she will be napping because it will be so hot um and I'll probably need a nap as well because my energy because of my energy levels

But no, I think I'll probably, this time next week, I probably will have the results of my blood tests and we'll know what the problem is. But anyway, because my algorithm's

Basically for this on holiday, I don't know what it is, but I like wanted to have... I've never been like this because I wear the same summer clothes every year. Like I've been wearing the same clothes for the past five years. But this year, I think it's because Vinted hit Ireland. I really wanted to get myself a few bargains. So I wanted to get myself nice outfits. I've been feeling a bit shit in my body as well. I think it's because of the low energy and every month before my period...

My PMS does make me a bit cranky. But for those two or three days, the week before my period, I will start to hate myself really badly. Like I wouldn't be getting depressed or anything, but I proper like, nobody likes you. I don't even like you. You need to change everything about yourself. And this period just gone. And it probably is a bit exacerbated because my periods are so out of whack at the moment because I have been logging my moods into natural cycles as well. And usually I only just log a little bit irritable or...

I must say the one I always write a bit snappy. Well, no, what is it? No, a bit of brain fog as well before my period. But at the moment, it's like really low self-worth and really confused brain fog, tiredness, low self-esteem, like loads of different things like that. When I was looking up clothes to get, I was really getting disillusioned by all these things that I was wearing. Because, you know, when you're looking up

Summer clothes in particular, they're always going to be modeled on really skinny bodies. And I did talk about body image two episodes ago, and it's never something that I've really paid attention to

Because I don't know. I don't know why I haven't, but I just, it's never something, maybe more, I'm a bit more insecure probably about my face and the way I present myself and my hair falling out and that sort of thing rather than, like I used to get lip filler about four or five years ago and that would be kind of the stuff that I'd be more insecure about rather than my body because I've always been quite satisfied with it. But looking up the summer stuff, I was really, because I was PMSing at the time and I was looking up all these summer clothes and I was really thinking like,

none of this stuff is going to suit me. I'm going to look horrible. I'm going to look ridiculous. And I think because I'm in a weird in-between age, you know, at 27, you're not like a teenager anymore, but you're also not, like I'm not middle-aged either, but you know what I mean? But it's like, I don't know how to dress when I need to get my little birdie out. And I think in Ireland, this, I don't know how to say this without sounding like conceited, but when I wear, like say if it's a really hot day and I'm wearing like a low, a low cut top,

And I do have the old boobs. And you're walking and you can feel them shaking up and down. And then I'm getting really insecure that men are looking at me in like a disturbing sort of inappropriate way. And I feel really insecure then. So then I'll just cover up. Like I'll wear a sports bra. But then I'm like, I'm too hot. Do you know what I mean? So then when I go on holidays, I'm like...

Like, how am I supposed to get, do I get my boobs out? Like what's, what's appropriate now? And I think maybe it's the added element of being a mom too. Like, I don't know what's appropriate and what's not appropriate. So I just want to, but I just want to wear what feels nice and feels comfortable. So I've been trying to find stuff and I have bought a few things, especially on vintage, um, that haven't fit me. So I'm getting it.

Like they were too small for me. And I was going, oh my God, like have I changed size? Like I don't understand. But in fairness now, Jason was like, no, no, no, no. Those trousers look fucking tiny. They're definitely the wrong size. They have the wrong size. So it was a bit like I felt a bit discouraged with all the clothes that I was buying because I was really excited like to dress up in nice outfits and like pretty dresses from Vinted because we're connected with France. So they like have really good options for clothes over there. So I was like looking for ages shopping online. But then...

And the scrolling that I mostly do at the moment, especially just because it's a bit like I don't want to get it's a bit depressing. And I'll just do Vinted and Pinterest, say, you know, because I'm doing a lot of Pinterest and Pinterest stuff for my wedding. That's

that's coming up. So I'll most of the time use Pinterest and I'll do that for outfit ideas. So I'll find like outfits that I, oh, I'll find outfits that I like on Pinterest and then look up particular items or Google search items and find them on Vinted. It's a really handy way to secondhand shop. So you know what particular items that you're looking for rather than just browsing for hours, because it does take up a lot of your time if you're secondhand shopping. I find that if you're shopping from fast fashion outlets, like it would just give you an outfit that

on display like the first scroll like you don't need to scroll for a long time so it's much easier um and it saves a lot of your time so I find that if you just go on Pinterest like go to your outfit board um and then google search or look up on Vinted or Depop straight away the particular item that you're looking for you most likely will find it and that's worked for me so far so I've been finding really good stuff on Vinted for that but it has been just a bit I stopped then for a while because there was three three on three separate occasion I bought something and it

They were either too small, like wouldn't even zip up over my arse. It wouldn't even zip over my arse. And I was like, oh my God, what's happening? You know what I mean? And then summer clothes that I've had for years weren't fitting me. And I just find that really, that part of it really frustrating because

My body doesn't even look differently. It's just the fact that my clothes aren't fitting me. That is really frustrating because then you have to buy all new things. So I texted my sister anyway, and we're going to do a little bit of a summer clothes swap instead because it's much more cost effective. I can actually try the stuff on before I'm taking it home with me. And it's much quicker. Yeah. But anyway, during this PMS time of this month, I was feeling so bad about myself.

And I was like, oh my God, I don't know what it is. It's, it must be my hormones. Like there's no other explanation for it because usually around this time, like if anything, I'm feeling good about myself. Like I have a bit more tan, I'm more active. I'm out in the sun. Um, well actually Ireland has been a bit depressing for the past few weeks, but anyways, feeling real bad for myself. And in a moment, moment of weakness, I was like, I'm going to book myself something.

So I was looking at this page, I was thinking of getting myself eyewear lamination because I used to get eyewear lamination and

a lash lift but that was when I was doing co-parenting and I had time at the weekend to do that whereas now I wouldn't really like I don't want to spend my spare time doing that because it is quite time consuming I'd rather just tint my eyebrows at home and obviously more cost effective as well but anyway I was looking at places to do a brow lamination and a lash lift and then I came across lip blush now I have been asked before now as well I want to give a

I think that people don't realize maybe how frequently influencers or public figures will get offered this sort of shit for free. And that's what makes it so readily available. Like, for example, if you were feeling a little bit insecure about yourself, say if I was PMSing, because I know if I got one of these emails during this moment of weakness, like at this really bad week that I was having, and I got an email saying, hello, Cailin, we'd love to offer you a free session of, say,

what was the offer I got? It was like Botox, that salmon sperm thing. I don't know what that is, but it's an injectable. Some sort of filler and one more thing, anti-wrinkle injection or one of these things. I've gotten offered that stuff twice before. Both times I've said no and I thought that it would stop asking just to be like, it doesn't align with me. It's not something I want to promote. If I wanted to go access that myself, I would pay for it because you get the full...

different experience of the person that you would be advertising that to. Because you getting it something for free is obviously a completely different experience of someone seeing that online, seeing someone get Botox for free and then going and seeking that themselves and having to go pay for that and topping it up and to continue to pay for that. I think it does add a few barriers and limits the access to that sort of thing and makes you think about it a lot more if you do have to pay for something the full

price of it because obviously if you can't afford it you're not going to pay for something like that and you will see how ridiculous the price of these things are and you will convince yourself out of doing it I know for myself as well if something's really expensive most likely I'm going to convince myself out of doing that thing even if I do really want to do it I'll find the negative points to it

Anyway, and there's been loads of moments in my life where I'm like, oh, I'll just get a bit of Botox or get a bit of filler and I feel better about myself and it will cure all of my problems. Obviously, that's not how it works. You'll just find more things to feel insecure about. The internet is going to tell you what else to feel bad about yourself for. And yeah, a new fucking thing to be conscious of is going to be invented tomorrow. So why the fuck would I bother spending thousands of euro, loads of my time and pain wasted on these things

to alter my face when realistically I'm just going to feel insecure about myself next month when I start PMSing again.

So anyway, I have gotten offered these things, the Botox filler and something, the fucking salmon sperm, whatever the fuck that is. And I've never seen the price of them. They were just like, we're going to offer you this session for free so that you, in exchange for a promotion. And I have gotten offered this other thing before in exchange for promotion, but I obviously, I wouldn't do it either. I've never looked up the actual prices of these things, but two weeks ago when I was PMSing really bad,

And I was feeling really bad about myself when I was looking up the eyebrow lamination and a lash lift. Now, I don't see huge issues with them because it's like not... You're not injecting things into your skin. Obviously, there's not much risk to that. I already tint my eyebrows at home. Do you know what I mean? It's more just, again, the time-consuming element and the price of it. But anyway, I was looking up this thing and then I came across this... Is it a procedure? I don't know. It's a cosmetic procedure, I suppose. Lip blush, which would just be permanent...

makeup and I don't I also don't really see an issue with that like I have tattoos I've kind of altered my skin already so I was convincing myself of this thing and I was familiar with it because I know of other influencers who's gotten it for free and I also have been offered it before but it's not something that I would avail of for free just because I'd be conscious of promoting that sort of thing you know anyway go on to book a consultation it's 30 euro for a consultation right and

And then I see the price of it. Sorry, it's 400 euro. It's 400 euro to get permanent lip blush. Now, and I was doing the calculations in my head. I have had this lip tint that I use nearly every single day. Like it's a shitty fucking lip tint. I don't even like it, but I will put it on every day, nearly every day, even if I'm not wearing makeup. It cost me probably 22 euro. I'd say 22 euro. I got it probably six months ago. Still have it still going.

Realistically, am I even going to be making my money's worth if I'm getting lip blush and then you have to get it topped up every year and a half, I'm pretty sure? The lip blush? Now, each to their own. Absolutely. Now, I will say this again. No judgment for anyone else who's getting this. Like, I don't give a shit what you do with your face or your body. I don't give a shit. This is more just like my own qualms with my own ethical code

my own moral compass. I don't care about what anyone else does with their body or their face, right? If anything, j'adore. But I was thinking about this and had the consultation. Then I FaceTimed my mom. Again, she's full of the fucking wiseness. Is that even the word? Wisdom. Oh my God. See my brain. It's not working. It's like all muddled in there. I've lost my train of thought. I FaceTimed my mom and I was like, mom, I booked in for lip blush to get my lips done.

Because it has been something I've been insecure about because since my...

my lips have gotten dissolved from all the years of doing filler. Well, it was about a year and a half, that period of my life when I was getting filler. The borders of my lips are a bit banjaxed. Like they're a bit fucked up. Like it's all white around where the lining of my lips should be. So I've always been, that's why I put on lip tint every day. And I do get questions when I wear lip tint without makeup. People are like, did you get a lip flip? And I'm like, no, this is me just over lining my lips with

with Lip Tint. I haven't got a Lip Flip or a Botox. I've never gotten Lip Flips or Botox before. That was what I was offered. Lip Flip, Botox, Salmon Sperm Filler. They were all the things that I was offered for free. Anyway, I've also been offered laser for free before. By the way, I have gotten one session of laser before. So basically during...

Was it just when lockdown was lifted? When just when lockdown was lifted, loads of these clinics were given these big deals, like huge deals. I think it was like 100 euro for eight sessions of laser, which is crazy because I think overall it's usually about a thousand euro, something like that. Which is like the amount of money that women are spending. Oh my God, to just keep up. It's actually...

It's horrible if you think about it. Like the amount of stupid money. Now in fairness, me and Jason probably spend the same on cosmetics. He's like obsessed with his skincare and he gets more expensive skincare than me. So I don't mind that sort of shite. But like makeup, filler, Botox, lip flip, laser, spray tans, fake tan. Did I already say makeup? Skincare. All the fucking shite that we're spending money on. It's like thousands and thousands and thousands.

of our hard-earned money just to keep up with the standard that's constantly changing and is constantly telling us we're not good enough. Like, what's the fucking point? So there was this point in my life where I was like, this was when I was really in the gutter. I was really in the gutter at this point. This was about five years, like before I was ever with Jason, so five years ago. And one of these clinics was giving one of these deals. I think it was actually one of the clinics that got sued. So maybe this had something to do with it.

But I got a really good deal on and I was getting laser on my vajayjay. Okay. Went in for a consultation. Absolutely no problem getting the legs up in the stirrups. Had no issue with that. Then the laser starts. And they were like, you've loads of tattoos. You're not going to have a problem with this whatsoever. And I know people have different experiences, but different clinics have different levels of how high or low they have the laser. So think before you speak, guys. Don't judge. But...

I know that some people don't mind this at all or it's not so weird at all. But when I had those legs up in the stirrups, I'd say that was the most painful experience of my life. One of. Oh, definitely up there. Now, contractions, yeah, probably a bit bad. But I would never, like I'd give birth again. I'd give birth again probably about twice more. That's my limit.

Laser? Never. I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever get laser again in my whole life. Again, I paid for those eight sessions and it was only 100 euro. I went to one and I never went back again. I was like, I'm not doing that ever again. I cried the whole way home. Oh my God. And then your vajayjay gets all scabby after. Oh my God. And it was like, for the next few months, maybe even the next year, it was like, I was getting these random...

It was like my vagina had a receding hairline.

It was like my vagina had a receding hairline. So it was like random wisps of hair. Like, you know, like my poor granny Violet, like she has a few wisps like of hair. That's literally what my vajayjay looked like for about a year. It was disgusting. Oh my God. So I had to constantly keep shaving it because when the hair grew back, like it looked so bad. And also the hairs were like dead straight. So it was literally like I was giving myself a comb all over.

My vagina literally looked like I was giving myself a comb over all the time. So I had to keep shaving it until it finally then grew back. And then when I got in a loving relationship, obviously Jason's a fucking hippie, so like he doesn't give a shit. But like, not that that would...

what I, yeah, probably in the past, I probably would care what my partner thought of my body hair situation. But like, he obviously didn't give a shit. So I was just running wild and being myself. Like that was so healing for me as a woman to not have to keep up with this sort of image for him sort of thing. And I still don't have to do that. I'm totally like full bush in a thong summer, like through and through, like proper, like have

hair down my thighs nearly like my arse hairs are literally just hanging freely now sometimes it gets to a point where it's actually a bit too long and I do need to do a little trim um where it's like it's not it just gets a bit messy especially around your period like you do want to have a little bit of a tidy trim situation going on but I have gotten loads of recommendations thank you so much because actually last year I said this in a video where I said was it last year

I don't know. Anyway, definitely over a few months ago, I asked in one of my YouTube videos if anyone had any recommendations for hair trimmers for my vagina. Because I know there's the pink tax, like they will substantially differ the prices between feminine products and like stereotypical feminine products and stereotypical male products where they'll make the feminine, in quotation, feminine products substantially more expensive.

which is called the Pink Tax. If you're not familiar with that, I would definitely look it up. And also reduces the quality. I find like you get a finer shave with men, stereotypically men products than you do with women's. But anyway, so I was then just looking for trimmers. I didn't want to get like a marketed as women's sort of trimmer. I wanted like a proper, maybe even a beard trimmer sort of thing like that. You can get this, someone recommended this Philips trimmer

beard trimmer that you get in boots. I think it's about 20 to 30 euros, something like that. Definitely under 30 euro, definitely under 50 anyway. And that was the most recommended product because loads of people were commenting underneath that saying, yes, I use the same, I use the same thing. And so that's my recommendation. If anyone else is doing the bit of a trimmed bush in a thong summer, that would be my vibe.

Okay, now to keep things a little bit more light. I think that's why I couldn't do a serious topic at the moment because I do think that we need to keep things light at the moment. We shouldn't be falling into an abyss of despair because it keeps us complacent. I think anyway, we need the peer morale back up. Come on, guys. Come on.

That's why I've been trying to get in touch with nature again. I might get back. I might even whip out the tarot cards. That's how bad things are getting. The tarot cards, I think you're going to come out. I'm nearly like reading my astrology chart every day. Do you know that sort of like, that's the level of desperation I'm getting. I'm like, I need something to give me an answer here. Um,

But as I was saying, when I get in moments like this, like I go through waves of three months where I'll be so hyper productive and doing stuff every minute of the day, you know, fucking getting all my best ideas. Everything's going really well. And then there'll be three months where it's sort of stagnant. Nothing's really happening. I'm feeling kind of bad about myself. I'm a bit lost. Don't know which direction I'm going in. But it's definitely getting better over the years because I feel like

that interchanged nearly every single day when I was a bit younger. And when I was just like total loss of direction, had no idea what the fuck I was doing. Whereas now it's definitely getting a bit better where I can like snap myself out of it a bit and have better coping mechanisms and strategies on how to stay productive and also kind of look after my wellbeing at the same time. But one thing I do really like doing

And I do feel like this. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not a doctor guys, but I feel like it does regulate my nervous system is rewatching old TV shows or like comfort shows. So for example, when my parents first split up and I was around 14, I discovered Sex and the City. This was my first ever like binge show.

No, actually, I watched Skins when I was 10. Definitely a bad idea. Proper fucked me up because I was like, oh, my God, this is the ideal. Like I'm dying to be a teenager so that I could do loads of drugs and have loads of sex. Like that was definitely the wrong thing to do. My parents probably should have been making me watch Gilmore Girls where I could just like strive towards studying at Harvard and then going, oh, gee whiz, and then going to Stanford instead. Yeah.

Or did she go to Princeton? I can't remember. But if that was my... If I was watching that during my formative years, I feel like the outcome of my adult life would be so much better. But anyway, I digress. The next then bingeable TV program that I started watching was Sex and the City. Again, not too good. A bit problematic, but also very honest and real. Like it wasn't trying to be anything it's not, if you know what I mean. Like it was... Like I kind of like that Carrie...

is unlikable and I've noticed that in and just like that as well like I love that sort of like trash TV I like it when it's not good do you know what I mean but I liked that

Carrie was a little bit unlikable. Like she made mistakes. She cheated. She lied. She was a bit unpredictable. She only really cared about herself. I kind of liked that about her. And again, I like that in the books that I read as well, where the protagonist is a little bit unlikable and is not trying to be perfect. And they're not trying to kid themselves. I don't like it too much when it goes a bit too far sometimes when it's like the victim mentality and they can't get themselves out about that. It's a bit frustrating, you know, when you just want to shake the main character and be like, wake up, baby.

I kind of liked that sort of push and pull sort of thing that you have with the protagonist. So that's really why I really liked Sex and the City because I can kind of resonate with it because a lot of the times as a teenager, you don't really like yourself and you kind of, it's very highlighted to you the flaws that you have and,

and there's a lot of stuff going on in your life and everything sort of feels like the end of the world. So Sex and the City was my comfort show. And when my parents are splitting up, I like, I watched the whole box set and I asked for every single episode on DVD and I had the full eight discs. Is it eight seasons? I had the full eight seasons on a box set that I'd watch then if I was like homesick from school. If I was going through a breakup, I would just re-watch Sex and the City. Like it was my favorite comfort show ever. And then again, I was watching it when I got pregnant too. So it was a really nice... Oh...

nice full circle moment and I feel like the reason why it's so comforting obviously is because it's predictable and you know what's going to happen because you've seen it already before so there's not really like you're not on the edge of your seat you're not feeling anxious for the characters you kind of know what's going to happen and it's the same way when you're

raising children you know the way they say like children love a routine is because they know what to have what's going to happen and they like the validation that someone else is out there looking for them and they like the knowing and the predictability that they know what's going to happen next which is why a bedtime routine is so important because then they are aware

that they're going to be going to sleep soon and they're not going to start a whole like big rigmarole or tantrum. So you're supposed to say like, we're leaving in five minutes, we're leaving in four minutes, we're leaving in three minutes, we're leaving in two minutes, we're leaving in one minute because they're prepared and they know what's going to happen. It's not like the rug has been ripped out from underneath them and you're going, we're going home now, surprise! And then they'll start a tantrum. So if you could see yourself as a toddler in that sense,

You know what's going to happen next. And that's why people find it comforting. But at the moment, my comfort show is Desperate Housewives. And like, it is the most... Every single time I rewatch it, it gets more and more ridiculous. It's just like, I can't believe like a plane crashes. Like, it's just so... If you try to relay what happens to someone else, like it just gets crazier and crazier. Like, it's just so fucking insane. But rewatching it over and over again for some reason to me is...

So, so comforting. And I'm finding that so nice just at the moment as well, because everything feels very volatile just in general.

And I do think it's really important to still look after your inner world as well as also keeping yourself educated about what's going on in the outer world, but not getting too sucked into it to the point where you're actually paralyzed by doing, taking any action. Do you know that kind of way? So I would like to end this podcast here, but I would also like to say...

I'm donating all of my AdSense made for this month and next month on YouTube to Save the Children UK, which is an organization that helps children in crises or emergencies. So all of that money will be donated to not just women and children in Palestine who are affected by the genocide in Palestine, but also in South Sudan, Congo and Ukraine. So it's kind of a really good overall, very good charity to help children all over the world who need help. So I also am running a...

what's that called a fundraiser for that charity on my Instagram if you want to donate yourself there otherwise all you have to do is watch YouTube watch one of my YouTube videos and I will donate like I

I think a few cents or something like that. I think it's something like that per view. So you can have them on in the background or you can binge watch. I do have a few new YouTube videos up there. You don't have to be subscribed or anything. All you have to do is watch them. I think you do have to be logged in and watch the full video for it to contribute to AdSense. But anyway, it's just something, a small bit that you can do to help because you can be a little bit helpless. I know for myself as well, it's like...

What am I supposed to do now? Like, I don't even think adding my opinion to this is helping anyone in any way. Like me even speaking about it, like people already know what's going on. It's not as if like we are being broadcasted this constantly. I don't know about anyone else, but I'm constantly seeing stuff about it. What's happening? Like I'm very well informed and it's almost like insulting other people to come on and try to educate others. Whereas like people have already made up their mind about this sort of thing.

So I think at the moment, everyone just needs to come together and take action and be in solidarity with each other rather than like screaming into the void sort of thing. So if you want, if you feel a little bit helpless, that's what I would be doing. If you're feeling a bit broken, you feel like you can't contribute anything yourself because I know times are tough at the moment. All you have to do is watch my videos and I'll be donating all my AdSense for the next two months. So I hope everyone has a really good summer. Get your bush out.

fuck it get your little bush out why not like why not I think the last time I shaved my mom's is that the medical term mom's pubis I shaved my mom's pubis there

last year when I was going to Croatia. So it would have been, I never got out of the shower and Jason was pissing himself just being like, what the fuck are you doing? Because it does look really strange if you haven't shaved for a while. Like it looks a bit weird. I will say naked mole rat. That's what it's giving. But anyway, I hope everyone's having a really nice day and thank you so much for listening. You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday. How can you find amazing candidates fast? Easy. Just use Indeed.

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You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday. How can you find amazing candidates fast? Easy, just use Indeed. Stop struggling to get your job posts seen on other job sites. With Indeed Sponsored Jobs, your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates, so you can reach the people you want faster. According to Indeed data, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed have 45% more applications than non-sponsored jobs.

Don't wait any longer. Speed up your hiring right now with Indeed. And listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit to get your jobs more visibility at Indeed.com slash kids and family. Just go to Indeed.com slash kids and family right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Hiring. Indeed is all you need.