health anxiety, nostalgia & FOMO
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No turn in required. Current vehicle must be registered to consumer at least 30 days prior to purchase to qualify. Financing for well qualified buyers through Stellantis Financial. Not all customers will qualify. Residency restrictions apply. Take retail delivery by 3.31.25. Oh my God. I haven't recorded a podcast in so long. We've had sickness in the house on and off for the past month. We'd have like three day windows where no one would be sick at all. But first of all, what happened was around Valentine's Day weekend, Bea had...

contracted a bug I thought that she'd just eaten something dodgy and then gotten sick because she wasn't lethargic she had no other symptoms and she was still asking for food so she like got sick once then she was saying that she was hungry and then she was still kind of playing so I wasn't worried three days went by with no sick this is why it's so strange three days went by no getting sick or anything and then she got sick like

three times in a row then she was sleeping for hours on end so I got really worried and then she was really really hot so she had a temperature so I made an appointment with the

with the doctor. And I've never experienced health anxiety before for myself. Now, I did go through stints in my teenagehood where I thought I was pregnant all the time, even without having sex. Even knowing the birds and the beads, even knowing how you conceive a child, for some reason, I constantly thought that I was pregnant. It was probably just because it was drilled into us as teenagers not to have sex, to practice abstinence and stay away from peen in vagine. This is the only...

Thing I can compare it to Because I never really Got health anxiety I had a few health issues As a teenager But I was never like Oh my god Now the odd time Actually no A normal amount of You know when you get A really bad headache And you're like Oh I'm gonna die I would get that the odd time But I didn't have Really bad health anxiety Where I was like I need to go to the doctor I need to go to the hospital

that sort of way in comparison to people I know in my life who are like that. Do you know that kind of way? So Bea had gotten, she had a really bad temperature. I was thinking the worst, this is horrible. I'm the worst parent in the world because I didn't notice this beforehand when she'd gotten sick three days ago and I didn't do anything about it. So I brought her to the doctor then. Anyway, I wasn't getting any symptoms. Jason wasn't getting any symptoms. I was at that stage kind of hoping that I would contract the bug because then it would confirm that there wasn't...

there wasn't something seriously wrong with her does that make sense and the doctor was fantastic she was just like she checked her tummy she checked all her things and Bea is really good at going to the doctor because of that episode of Miss Rachel where Miss Rachel goes to the doctor really recommend it if anyone has little kids and you're scared of bringing them to the doctor I think she also has a dentist episode and she has a doctor set that she got for

Christmas so she's well able she knows what's going to happen she knows the stethoscope is cold she knows that she's going to have to take her temperature in her ear she knows that they're going to have to look in her mouth she knows about the light in the eye and that sort of thing so there was no surprises there for her but anyway it was confirmed that she had the norovirus which is just like a really bad vomiting bug nothing too bad your one was like there's nothing to be worried about unless she's getting sick eight times in a row and then bring her into A&E but nothing she just got better and better from then on I was mammy mode but then Jason got sick

And I was thinking, I was feeling nauseous then for two weeks. This went on for a long time, as you can imagine, because she got sick, then there was a three day gap and then she was getting sicker and sicker and then kind of getting better and better. So this was lasting a lot longer than I thought it would. My memory as a kid of when you had the bug, it would last like 24 hours, maybe 48 hours, but maybe I'm wrong and I'm misremembering. This lasted a really long time. I had stuff coming up. I had, now it's not a big deal, obviously, because I'm not curing cancer, but like I had two deadlines that I had to make that I missed.

And I have this thing from when I'm a kid. My mom, she's brilliant now. But when we were kids and we were all sick at the same time, as you can imagine, four kids puking at the same time is probably a fucking nightmare. But when we were kids, it was a bit like, come on, will you? You kind of had to really prove that you were sick. Now, it probably is my own fault because when I turned a certain age, I was really ramping up the pretending to be sick.

or the fake illnesses so I wouldn't have to go to school. I did at one stage throw a tin of soup down the toilet and pretend to get sick. So there was a lot of that, like the girl who cried wolf situation. So I constantly, when I'm sick now as an adult, and again, I was talking to Molly about this as well, there's nothing worse than being scared of getting in trouble when you're an adult.

And I still get that feeling now that, you know, you've forgotten your homework and the teacher's going to give out to you or you've lied to your parents and they've just found out that you told a fib, you're going to get in trouble or you're up past your bedtime. You know, that sort of thing. I still kind of carry that with me. But with the sickness and the illness, like I said, I don't get health anxiety, but I do get the fear that people don't believe me about illness or sickness or that I'm making it up as an excuse. You know, they're kind of like the dog out of my homework sort of

So I had two deadlines. I was like, oh my God, my managers are going to hate me. And then I had a plan to go for coffee with the girls that I, two girls that I'd met in Croatia. And then I felt like I was making that up. I couldn't go to the Gossies. And then I felt like I was making that up that I couldn't go because of illness in the house. And because...

of the norovirus is so contagious we were basically isolating so as you can imagine it's really bad on your mental health but I was still sort of going in between the two like Jason and Bea trying to make sure that everyone was okay and still hydrated and that sort of thing but it was like scraping my nails down the window being like

oh remember we used to be able to go outside I was like fucking hell as soon as the sickness was over we were like we're going away we're doing something nice we're going on a road trip you know so we were kind of trying to make up for it I was in Kerry at the weekend and I was thinking now this is not is this last weekend the weekend before last and I woke up with like the shakes and my muscles were achy and I was going oh Jesus Christ I can't be sick again like this is insane this is crazy

I'd had a cold, a dry cough and achy muscles and then I got my period. Sorry, I need to complain a little bit because Ellie calls me at least once a day and I'm usually like not good at the convo. She's always catching me at a bad time but I'll listen to what she has to say. But this one time she caught me and I was like, I'm sorry, I'm going to have to actually complain for 20 minutes. So I'm sorry that I'm doing this on the podcast as well but hopefully it's maybe comforting to listen to if anyone's sick at the moment. Like it's obviously not a big deal but it is just a little bit annoying. Anyway,

So then I'd gotten sick, I'd got my period. It's like loads of cloths and really, really heavy, which is unusual. And I do think that your periods are always an indicator of something underlying that's going on in your body and something you do have to pay attention to. Anything that you put into the toilet, I do think you have to pay attention to. Paying attention to your shite and all, like you do have to pay attention to that sort of thing. How much fiber you're getting, like your diet. And then your periods also, I do think are indicative of what's going on inside your body.

But anyway, that is also why I'm so behind. It feels as if I'm so behind on everything. I had Saoirse there as sort of backup childcare, if you know what I mean. And now Saoirse, my sister, has moved to London. She moved to London yesterday and it was hard trying to explain to be what...

kind of was going on because she's the only adult I kind of see regularly. But Saoirse for me was kind of the only other socialization that I was getting throughout the week other than Jason. Because obviously the nature of my job, stay-at-home mom, my other mom friends are working full time, so it's hard to match up the schedules. And then other than that, like friends and stuff, living abroad, you know, it is quite difficult. And then on the weekend, I just want to spend family time with Jason and Bea. Saoirse was kind of my only other confidant. When it's your siblings, you're not really...

you're kind of just totally being yourself, if you know what I mean. You're not trying to impress them or please them in any way, but you're just kind of like, like me and Jenny were saying in the last episode, you just kind of hang out, like naturally because they're your siblings, you've grown up together. There's not much you need to learn about each other anymore. Do you know that kind of way? So you're not asking those sorts of questions as you would with your friends, but you're kind of just being in each other's company and that

the kind of socialization that I love that's why I love hanging around I like getting to that phase where you're so close with each other that you can just hang out with each other and there's there's not as much pressure to like to try be your best self or to try entertain or whatever it is I'm like I love when it gets to that phase especially in relationships as well when it's past the honeymoon phase you're not holding in your farts anymore like you can just completely be yourself and relax a little bit so that's kind of what it's like for a

hanging out with Sirte. Me and Jason were driving up to his sister's house over the weekend and he only realized how much I needed that other sort of like connection to reality which is what Sirte is to me because when we were in the car driving up to see Jason's sister I was talking to Jason like we were just having a normal conversation and I was giving him updates about these people's lives. So first of all I was like so there's this girl and Olivia right and I

And I was explaining this family to Jason. Like he has no idea what's going on. We're all obviously have completely different for you pages. And I'm like, there's this girl on Olivia. And then I'm like, there's this girl, Maya, who's pregnant again. And she has twins, but she's unmarried. So it's a bit controversial. And she's like getting loads of hate about it. And then I went on to talk about another. I was like, and there's the other mom who like said she wasn't going to show her child online. But now she is again. And then I realized how much of a nutcase I sound like.

I'm talking about these people online that I'm seeing online as if they're my friends, as if they're like people that are actually in my life. And Jason not having a clue, like he probably thought there for a second that Anna Olivia is one of my mates that I'm texting the odd time because I knew all the names of her children. Like I knew what she was doing for Paddy's weekend. You know what I mean? So I was going, oh my God, there's something. I'm so lonely. Oh my God. I need to talk to someone else. But it doesn't take that much effort.

effort but it actually it's like I have to remind myself to reach out to people to meet up with them do you know that kind of way because I get so comfortable it also made me think of I feel like I'm jumping from topic to topic sorry about this it made me think of the controversy now with Lauren Whelan's video the are we a boring generation sort of thing now Saoirse would be more Lauren Whelan's my little sister Saoirse is more Lauren Whelan's generation than me like I have a kid like it's not obviously it's not related to me but

But when I was Sears' age, for example, our experience of early 20s would have been so different because mine was kind of like COVID, then post-COVID, like straight after post-COVID. And just after COVID, everyone was so open and willing to make friends. It was like everyone wanted every opportunity to go out and meet new people because we had just been locked inside. So it was very much like, ah!

you know everyone you're hanging out on the street like you're talking to absolutely everyone every single age group you're talking to each other you're being real friendly like it's just a buzz because you can't believe that you're interacting with other people finally after whatever how many months that you spent inside whereas now obviously the economy and whatever other situations have

financial situations of people has just increasingly gotten worse and worse to the point where now it's like we're paying 80% of our wages on rent and then because of that the rest of our income is just going on surviving and there's not much left over to kind of enjoy ourselves or spend at leisure so there are a few inhibitors as to why people are now I have a whole podcast on this it's called From the Party Girl to Hiker Girl Pipeline

And my theory was basically the fact that people are going on or more interested in sobriety activities to do with not drinking is because of the looming recession. And people are trying to find ways in not spending money. And that's probably why people aren't drinking as well as being more health conscious and stuff. I talk more about it on that podcast if you do want to listen to it. Also, what I mentioned on that podcast is we haven't replaced alcohol.

what we were getting from like a party community. Because I do think nightlife partying is a sense, is a community in a way where it's like there's no barriers in pleasantries or barriers that are in the way of socializing or interacting with each other. Like for example, if you're in school or work in that sort of environment, there are sort of barriers and

things in the way where you're not fully being freely interacting the way that you would if you were in like a nightlife environment you know that kind of way so that's why your work colleagues or your work friends it's always transcended that relationship if you meet each other outside of the work environment and that's how you know that your friend's actually in real life and not just at work where you would have just people in work that you talk to but you would never meet them up meet up with them outside of that environment so if you were at a party say

situation and also alcohol does that have does have that chemical effect on you in your brain where you are less concerned about how you're presenting yourself and that's probably why we experience a little bit the fear as well because we're like we don't have those

that voice in our head saying like don't say that that's stupid or like that might offend them you know we don't have that so that's why we're being 100% authentic selves or more not authentic self but like a more animated version of ourselves which is why it feels as if it's much easier to bond with people when you're drinking but anyway I don't think that we have come up with a viable replacement for a partying community or like meeting each other

during nightlife, which is why people feel probably a bit more disconnected to each other. But from my perspective as well, it does feel a little bit more boring. It's not that you're not drinking, not drinking equals boring, but it's the fact that you're not like, there's no spontaneity with community anymore. It's not like, oh, will you come meet me here? It's all like very regimented and planned and organized fun. Like a run club, a book club is all very organized and kind of strict in its structure.

Am I making sense? So I think that's why it can seem as if, like, it does seem from my perspective that you're not letting loose as much as you should in your early 20s. And that doesn't mean that you should be going out fucking drinking a million pints and getting sick all over yourself. That's not what I mean at all. It's not that you need to be drinking. It's like that spontaneity where you're just...

Can I come over, for example? Can I come over to your house last minute? It's all like, let's have a dinner party at this date. Let's go for a coffee at this time, three weeks from now. Let's go to run club, run 5k. Let's go to work a class. Like that's all great and is good for socializing. But it's like, you need to just hang out with each other, meet up. If you don't have children, I'm telling you, you'll know the difference of like responsibility and not

having a strict schedule. If you don't have kids, I don't think there's any need to get rid of that spontaneity in your life at all. Like I do understand that once you have children, there's a lot more responsibility. There's not more like weight on you for the amount of time. You're stretched for time in that sort of sense because you want to spend every second that you have free with your kids, obviously. But then you do also need that time for yourself and time to socialize to be a fully enriched and fulfilled person. Because Saoirse has moved now, I haven't actually been that emoted

about it but I do understand there's not much left in Dublin for her for her age group there's not much going on I went out there last weekend when I was doing the drag show met Jack Swift I'd say you're all so jealous he is exactly how you'd expect him in real life like exactly the same anyway such a sweetheart I loved everyone taking part and it was such a fun experience I obviously had childcare organized for that night because all my family came to come see me in the drag show and then me and Jason went to pawn shop because two of our friends were DJing that night

So I thought I'm bound to bump into people I know or maybe people that I knew in a past life, you know, that kind of way. Now, I did bump into people, but it is definitely not the same. Even the difference from when, I'd say even a year ago. Now, I still had a ball, obviously, but it's definitely not

the same back in my day we had I was of age when we had hangar index all those places so I'm very lucky in that sense but like even now I do get the itch the odd time to go on a night out like I'm still young I still have I still want and it's more so it's not the fact that I want to go out drinking it's actually that I want to dance

I want to dance. And you don't get many opportunities to do that. And I don't mean like I want to be break dancing on the ground. It's just a little bit of a two step, a bounce, a little bit of a two step bounce just to loosen up the body. I want to be on my feet for the whole night. I don't want to be sitting down talking because sometimes you run out of things to say, you run out your social battery. Whereas if you're at a club, if you're running out of things to say, the only time you're getting to talk to people really is in the smoking area or the girls bathroom. And that's like perfect.

it's not too long and then you go up to the dance floor and you're just doing a little bit of a two step now the odd time you're going hi how are you you look gorgeous to people on the dance floor but you're not like going into full fledged conversation so that's why it's kind of nice because it's still like you're around people like I said it can actually be compared to the hanging out a little bit because you're in the

company of people you're feeling comfortable you're feeling accepted you're feeling welcome in this environment but there's not that much pressure to be like your best self no one's judging you for what you're saying you know there's very limited opportunity to actually get the fear if you're just dancing you're not saying anything stupid so that's why I kind of like that buzz of being like able to dance and up on the two-step up on the the side side to side but anyway

What was I saying? What being sick highlighted for me as well is, you know, when you get a cold or you have a blocked nose and you're thinking to yourself, I took for granted every time I had clear airwaves and I was able to breathe through my nose. But it's the same when you're sick, when as soon as I get sick or if I even feel a little bit sick or I'm getting my period, I'm going, oh Jesus, because I was just thinking about going to the gym. I was actually only just thinking about lifting a few weights or going on a 10K run. But I still got that even as a...

kid or a teenager if I was off from school I hate being sick I was always thinking when I'm not sick anymore

I'm going to do my homework every day. I'm going to study my little arse off. I'm going to go do yoga in the morning and practice my piano. Do you know, I'm going to do everything. I'm going to walk the dog. I'm going to walk the shit out of that dog. But I was thinking now, in fairness, I do take advantage then when I am better. It's like a little reminder on how much you have to, how important your health is, first of all, but how important it is to look after your body. Even when you're not feeling sick, it's like the constant maintenance of your body. Even when you're, it's the same amount of,

the mental health even when you're feeling good you should be still maintaining all those rituals or routines that you do to make yourself feel nice or keep that equilibrium of sane mental

mental state, you know, that kind of way. Then when I was finished with my illness, I was thinking I'm going to now book in a few play dates. Fuck it. I'm going to do a few workout classes. I'm going to do all these things. We're going to go away for the weekend. When I was sick, I was doing a lot of writing down. So my journaling now is different to it kind of changes over time. Sometimes I give myself prompts. Sometimes I'm doing a little bit of goal setting and being like,

I need to get my ass in gear. Do you know that kind of way? But now what I'm doing is just a recount. It's like that movie About Time.

And then I just go back. I just pretend that I go back to this one day. Something like that. Anyway, I'm just recounting or retelling my days because I'm such a sentimental person. When Saoirse confirmed that she was moving to London, it very much got me right. I was writing down, I remember, every memory that I have with Saoirse as a child and how we were so lucky to be able to grow up together. One of the things I always tell Saoirse is as well, because I remember Saoirse once said to me, do you ever get frustrated that you can't like, you know, for example, if you're going out for dinner and you can't really

take part in the conversation if you're there with your child or your toddler or your young kids because you know they're crawling all over the place they want to go play she's like do not ever get frustrated you can't take part and I'd never thought about it that way before because when you're a parent you just kind of get on with it you're not going like oh I've

fucking hell I can't take part maybe the odd time you are but like most of the time I'm not I don't really care I'm just like oh this is just my duty like I have to do this as a parent but one of the mentalities that has really helped me over the past while especially if my child because you know sometimes you can be I did this with my own childhood as well when you're wishing the days away I did this for the newborn stage too where you're kind of going I can't wait to get I can't wait she's a bit older so we can get a bit of sleep or you know when you're a kid and you have no autonomy you're going I can't wait now in fairness

I like being an adult because I can eat sweets before dinner and I know I'm going to eat my dinner. So my parents actually didn't know what they were talking about then when they were like, you're not going to eat your dinner if you eat that chocolate bar. Because I can do both. So now I have free will. I can. I actually like the fact that I'm an adult and have autonomy and there's not someone going, because I said so. Oh. Oh.

But when I'm When I'm with my baby And say if she's having A bit of an emotional day Like she's having A bit of a toddler Like I'm very I would pride myself On being very patient with her The odd time I'm like Come on will ya Do you know But most of the time I have nowhere important to be Who am I fucking kidding I don't have anywhere That important to be But the odd time I'm like We have to go For whatever reason

and she'll have like a tantrum or there'll be like an emotional outburst. I've actually gotten rid of that. Like, I can't wait until this, she's over this phase because there's been so many times, like for example, she wants me to go to sleep with her at nighttime. She wants me to lie down with her. She has her hand up my sleeve or she wakes up in the middle of the night. She wants to get into the big bed. There's never a phase where I'm now, where I'm telling myself, and I think it's from wishing away the newborn phase where I learned that lesson. There's never been a phase where I'm like,

I can't wait till this is over because I know that I'm going to look back at exactly this moment in my life and think I wish I could have her that small again and I wish I could spend that time with her when all she wanted or needed was me and I know that for a fact so that's why it's so much easier my parenting right now is my favorite phase because I'm reminded of that every single day when she needs me a little bit more I know that there's going to be a phase when I'm

you know, 45 and looking back on my life, I'm going to look back at this phase, even though I don't love the apartment we're in or I wish we had a garden and there's a lot of stressful things going on. But I know that I'm going to look back at this phase and think how lucky we were to have so much time together as a family and how lucky I was to have that time with her.

as a parent, as a mother. The moment where I realised this was I was at my uncle's house at his farm and he has this big trampoline in the back garden and Bea loves the trampoline and we were bouncing on the trampoline together and I saw my mum on the porch taking a picture of us

And when we came back to the house, she said, because my mom, when we were all young, she'd be like, it was really, really under a lot of pressure to work a lot. She like basically didn't have maternity leave and we always had like an au pair or a nanny. Like we never, you know, but she was always under a lot of pressure to work. And she said, when I came back into the house, she said, you're so lucky to have this time with her. For some reason, it got me so upset for my mom because she

I know for a fact like my parents always talk about how cute you were as toddlers and we have a lot of family videos of like us as little kids and I suppose when you're going through that as a parent you're kind of zoned out because you're just trying to survive you know look after loads of kids but they always talk about when we were that small but anyway fuck sorry I'm obviously just emotional because Saoirse's moved but it's like coming out in different ways you know that kind of way when I'm riding now in the morning

or the afternoon whenever it is it's always just a recount of my day because I've talked about this before but one of my biggest fears is forgetting forgetting these little moments or like little affectations that she has that she inevitably will grow out of and I'm not able to recount them in my head or I'm not able to tell her then when she's a bit older so now it's just a recounting of my day little things that I want to be able to remember I'll write down which is really good for practicing your writing muscle

muscle if anyone is interested in writing or wants to get into writing just a retelling of your day because they're all the books that I like to read anyway it's actually not even like I do love a story like a good story especially if I'm watching a movie I want something to happen but like with books that's why also I love reading memoirs with books it's like a retelling of not exactly anything extraordinary that happened but it's like the mundane things that are told in such a nice way or like a recounting of memories or nostalgia from your childhood and

and little ways that people would show love you know that sort of thing that you only realize I kind of when you get older every time I'm writing down my days it's just like little things like that and you'll get these reminders when you kind of lose someone like when my sister was moving to London and say for example when me and Jason broke up when you're retelling your relationship or recounting your relationship you know if you're

What's that thing called? Reminiscing over your relationship. It's never the big things that you remember. Like I think when you're together, it is the big things that you remember that you talk about together. Like me and Jason would be like, oh, remember when we went to Paris that time or remember we did this. And they're the kind of things that you tell people

and talk about with each other but when you lose that person like if you go through a breakup or if someone moves away it's never the big extraordinary things that have happened between the two of you that you remember or that you necessarily miss it's always the tiny little like everyday things

that you'd miss. You know, when me and Jason broke up, I missed like going to bed with each other at nighttime or, you know, watching something when we went to sleep or having breakfast together in the morning. You know, I love my every days now. Like I love rituals or routines. That's why I love the morning and the evening so much because it's a guarantee to be the same every day. Like I really like that comfort in knowing that it's going to be the same every day. And I really like it and I really enjoy the process of it.

It's like a child, you know, when it's like the affirmation that someone is looking out for you or like there's going to be something in place. You know what's going to happen next. In the mornings, we...

oh we take turns now making breakfast but it's usually the same things like we'll make English muffins with sausages and fried eggs or we'll have porridge or we'll have pancakes or we'll have fried eggs with toast or whatever or dippy eggs with toast and then we'll do the wordle together then do the mini crossword then do the connections together Bea loves listening to ballet music at the moment because she loves doing this YouTube video ballet so she'll go I like to play

Spotify. That's the same. And then when we were making dinner in the evening, we'll always listen to dinner jazz, which is very similar to my upbringing. Because when I was a kid, we'd always had the same thing. It was like Monday spaghetti, Wednesday, Tuesday curry. It was like the same thing every single week. And my dad used to burn these CDs and it was literally, they were titled like dinner one, dinner two. And my dad is very against Spotify and these streaming services. So he would literally...

buy a physical copy of an album that he wants. He'll buy a CD, burn the CD on his computer. Like he has all these hard drives and fucking things that is just full of music. So he'll buy the physical copy, burn the CD onto his computer.

then make a mixtape on that CD of like a few different songs that he likes and he would we had this big CD player and a surround system in our kitchen and it had five slots for discs for music to play so he could put five CDs in it so there was just constantly music playing in the house as soon as my dad got home from work and we'd always have it on for dinner and then it would just kind of

lull into the evening if you know what I mean just playing all around the house but when me and my sister Saoirse when we I don't know where Ellie was at this phase at this stage you know you have different memories of different siblings I had a memory obviously when I was journaling and I was talking about this

You know, you always slip in when you're writing. You write about one thing and you slip into something else that you remember then. Obviously, I was purposefully trying to remember things that me and Sirte had done together because we obviously grew up together and we spent the most time together out of all my siblings. But when we'd come home from school, we obviously discovered we had free will and we could actually put in whatever CDs we wanted. Now, my dad literally had anything. Now, in fairness to... We were fucking a nightmare of children because he had everything...

in alphabetical order and obviously we didn't understand how the alphabetical order worked like I didn't know if it was by alphabetical order of the name of the album or the name of the artist so I was just like fucking around anytime I took something out I'd just create a pile at the bottom and I'd be like he can do that at the weekend giving him little jobs to do he would be we'd be taking out like a Coldplay CD or a U2 CD and he'd have like the Red Hot Chili Peppers and it was like anything you could think of but obviously we were just picking out names of our

artists that we would recognize, you know? And then I discovered like Mazzy Star and I discovered Pink Floyd and all those other things. So I was really experimenting with what I was putting into the big CD player. And me and Saoirse would pick out the CDs after school and put them into this big CD player and do our homework together. And that was like the real, like a big memory for me

and Saoirse of the time that we spent together and we'd be singing it because me and Saoirse were real into like me and Saoirse were both in musical theatre we'd be making dances together and like doing these little performances making little plays and all you know that sort of thing that was a real the pinnacle of my childhood but I was saying this to Jason about growing up together you know I got to grow up with Saoirse basically up until this point like up until I'm 27 years of age and I feel like I've still grown up with her

And that's a long time. I feel like most times family are split up as soon as the eldest child turns 18 and moves out. You're not really as close anymore. But I'm real lucky that I had that. I still have that closeness with my sisters, but it is quite difficult to maintain that when someone's in a different country. Like my brother has been in South America for the past, on and off for the past two years. So it's been hard to have that, like the bonding of your siblings or to feel like the unit of your siblings together. But I was saying to Jason, and I get so emotional over this, like with Bea,

It's like you get to grow up with these people, but then you have to kind of let them grow old with someone else. And I always feel real naive and like a baby to be like, I want to live with everyone forever, you know? Because I used to, as a kid, I used to always be like, I want to have a bunk bed so that my cousins can sleep over. And when I'm an adult, I'm going to have a huge house with 10 bedrooms so everyone can sleep over and all my siblings can live together. And I thought at some stage...

especially after having my own family because when you start your own family you get more a sense of like the nuclear-ness of it and the kind of how individualistic everyone can feel and separated in different families like I've always been really interested in communes and stuff and maybe that's why I get this thing of like everyone should be living together in community even though they most of the time they don't end well but you know what I mean

But I still have that now... As a 27 year old... And it's one of those things... Where it makes me feel so immature... But I also don't want to lose that as well... Because... There's so many things that you lose... Over your childhood... Or your teenagehood... Like your... Level of possibility... Or hope...

or positivity is just constantly, you know, a child smiles. I think it was, I saw the statistic recently that a child smiles like 130 times a day, a woman smiles 60 times a day, where a man smiles 30 times a day. And it's like all those little things that you get bogged down the older you get, that kind of makes you feel more and less, like obviously less like a child, but also it's a bit more depressing.

as you get older all these things where you're told you're not allowed really do like you can't play anymore or you can't hang out with your friends anymore and there's a lot of things you realise as you get older that aren't as close of a possibility as you once thought you

that they are as a kid you know not everyone can be a pop star or like a Disney Channel star you can't get a house with 10 bedrooms so all your siblings can live in it because everyone has their own separate lives that they're living in their own different paths they want to create for themselves but it's one of those things that I've attached myself to even as a 27 year old where I just want for everyone to be together all the time

Like I just want to live with my siblings and be close to them even if I'm able to just walk to their house or it's not like London's second Australia but I've had that where my best friend that I lived with we literally would share a single bed with each other nearly most nights and she was living with her boyfriend like her boyfriend was in the other room and she'd come into my bed with me.

We snuggling together in a single bed and now she's in a fucking different continent, you know. Sorry, I'm so emotional. Oh my God. Sorry, I wanted to talk about FOMO. Back to the actual point of this podcast, I wanted to talk about FOMO because I touched on this in the last few episodes. We might have a level of disillusion as to how much we think we could be doing by using social media as a metric of people's success or just success in general or how much...

socialising or things in general that we should be doing when realistically that's not

a normal amount and it is important to what I said earlier like the most important things that happen are the little mundane things you know like having breakfast together or just hanging out with each other they're all the parts of life that I love and will always reflect on in a with a sense with a pang of nostalgia it's never like these big things obviously there's good stories to share like I've been to mad parties and that sort of thing but like they're just more anecdotes that you tell people not really the things that you reflect on going oh I missed that time where I was out all night and then I went on a

Roll over. Do you know? I'm not looking back on those with like any sense of endearment or anything like that. It's just more like it's a funny story to tell. Do you know? So I asked, do you ever experience FOMO? If so, how do you help it? So someone said, not anymore because I've realized life is a big...

Lie. Someone else said, I get FOMO from people traveling the world, but not from friends being out. It's hard as I have young kids. However, sometimes I'm like, do I actually want to travel or do I just think I should want to travel? Think it's the latter. When I see people going on overseas holidays, I'm from New Zealand, so it costs 3,000 to even leave. I'm in a friend group of three and always terrified the other two meet up and talk more.

then we would as a trio. Oh no! Someone said, I get Jomo, joy of missing out. Someone said, I mute their stories for a bit while I know they're traveling. Okay, that's interesting. Someone said, yes, but now I never say no to a social event, then experience insane burnout. I did until COVID, then I realized I had no hobbies and wasn't truly happy in myself. Have fixed this. I...

a deal with FOMO of people shopping. It makes me want to buy clothes and spend money. I get real comfortable with my rituals, with my routines, spending time with the family. I could go months without speaking to anyone other than my family.

if that makes sense. And then you realize how important those relationships are and how much you actually need it. Like when I got sick, I was thinking, Jesus Christ, I haven't spoken to anyone in a long time. I really should get out of my comfort zone and ask my friends how they are or see. Or I get this real thing, especially if I'm going through something. Like if I'm real stressed or if I'm sad about something, I will get more and more inward and more recluse and I won't socialize with anyone else, even though technically I know that would probably make me feel better.

But I avoid doing it because I feel like I'm making that other person feel bad or they're not going to like me anymore. And it's obviously a fear of rejection thing. I have had friends who maybe only did like one side of me or liked the idea of me but didn't actually like me as a person or maybe would have been using me as a friend for some other gain that they wanted. And now I have to kind of deal with the consequences of that and I'm paraphrasing.

paranoid then that people don't actually like me for who I am do you know what I mean so I only really trust my friends that I've had for years and years and then there's kind of a wall up that I have where I won't get really close with new friends if you go through a breakup you shouldn't be denying yourself of any possibility of a future relationship because you've just gone through one breakup or like someone has broken your heart or one person has cheated on you and then you'd

deny yourself of any other possibilities of experiencing love because you're scared of getting cheated on. Like I shouldn't be living life like that, I know. But also the FOMO, I do think is a little bit healthier because I'll see other people out and enjoying themselves and socializing. And I'll think, do you know what? I think I actually need a little bit of that. I need a little bit of laughing. I need a little bit of letting loose.

Because there are people out there that love you and want to spend time with you and do think you're fun and a good time. Whereas I always think that, especially after I had my daughter, I was like, oh, people think I'm boring now or they don't want to spend time with me because all I do is talk about my daughter. Do you know what I mean? When realistically, if I go on a night out, I'm most likely not really talking about her. I'm talking about like other people's traumas and we're getting deep and dark into it. Do you know? I actually had a fab time when I went out. I went out and

Friday I had a great time and honestly that has filled up my cup enough for the next few months now I do have another I have a few things

planned over the next few months oh my god my life's actually so it's really exciting like really exciting but I always have this part of myself that I'm not doing enough or I'm not planning enough things when I was growing up my mom always said if we were real sad it's probably not the best advice like if we were really really sad like we were literally like I'm depressed vibes she would go it's because you have nothing to look forward to and I always thought I was thinking I

you know what you're probably right you know if you're a teenager you don't have much autonomy you can't be planning things you're not like going out for dinner or going on holidays you know that sort of thing you're actually just waiting for things to come up or like the opportunity if you get invited to a party if there's going to be a disco anytime soon you know that sort of thing and if you don't have any friends like there's not many opportunities to feel like you have anything to look forward to but now that's kind of it's kind of my mentality as an adult where I have to plan things in the future so I have something to look forward to otherwise what's the point you know

But it is a little bit healthy if you have a few things ahead of you.

just to keep yourself going, taking over, to keep yourself going, you know? And it doesn't have to be anything huge and elaborate. Like it doesn't have to be a big lavish holiday or like, you know, all these mad trips away or like buying yourself something mad expensive. It could be just like, I really want to, for example, I really want to go clay pigeon shooting. And I think that, now I haven't booked this for myself, but that's something like a little thing. And me and my friend Shannon, we want to do that like

pottery painting thing we want to go pottery painting that's something to look forward to you know going to the cinema by myself a new movie coming out like I'm buzzing for that movie Flow to come out it's coming out on the 21st of March it's a new anime movie that won loads of Oscars I'm buzzing to go see that that's for me something to look forward to I ordered myself a package the odd time now this is like once a year I order myself a package from a health food shop where I'll get myself loads of dairy free chocolates

And even waiting for that package to arrive, I was going, this is something for me to look forward to. This is something for me to keep living for. I do think as well, it's just something healthy to look forward to. A little dinner with your friends or like going for a walk, even just looking forward to the summer. I think looking forward to, I think Ireland is so worth it once we have those two things

weeks of sun. No, we have about six weeks of sun, I'd say. Those six weeks are just worth it for me for living in Ireland. It all makes it just worth it. I think having something to look forward to does just keep you ticking over and keep you going. I got another text about this when I was asking these questions on my story about the FOMO, about identity. Do you feel like yourself? And someone commented or a message being like, I always think of that Jemima Kirk quote on her story. It was like,

how are you so confident? And she replied with, or something along those lines. And she replied with, I just think that our generation actually just think too much about themselves. Or she was like, just stop thinking about yourself so much. Which is so true because the odd time, if you're overthinking things, like when I had a health anxiety or like I thought it was going to be the worst. You know, sometimes it actually is due to the fact that I have too much time to think.

it is just like I need to shut the fuck up what the fuck am I talking about because most of the time it's like I do actually just need to talk to someone outside my inner circle I need to go socialize a little bit to get out of my head I need to go actually go to the gym maybe to get out of my head a little bit I need to just talk to normal people in real life about their life circumstances because the online world can make you feel very much like you're being left behind you're not

doing enough you should be going on these holidays you should be having kids you should be popping out the kids like there's no fucking tomorrow whereas like if you talk to your friends in real life none of my friends who I've made friends with if I was only using my metrics of success

against my friends who I know in real life who I've met up with for coffee so I speak to on a regular basis whose kids I know the name of and I have met and Bea has played with none of my mam friends are on their second baby or are pregnant but I was comparing myself to people that I didn't even know personally online like that's crazy I was getting phone

from people that I don't even know. I try to just focus on going on Instagram now because obviously TikTok feeds you a lot of people you don't know, people in America, that's the shit that I'm not really that interested in. Whereas Instagram, it's like, that's what I use to actually socialize with my friends and to be caught up with what people are doing. Like,

You know that sort of thing. I don't watch reels or anything like that because it's usually just like the same soundbite a million times in a row like it's fucking stupid. But anyway, I remember when Instagram first came out like that's how old I am guys. If there's anyone under the age of 25 listening to this. I remember when Instagram first came out and the thing with the scrolling on Instagram was you would get to the end. It's not like it would continue showing you people. Now I follow like over a thousand people. I don't know over a thousand people in real life. That's not possible. That's not possible.

But back in the day, you know, you'd be following 50 people that you know and 50 people would be following you. They'd be posting the odd time and every Sunday or whatever, that was the prime because people were posting on a Sunday. That was like just the day that you would post. And you couldn't do carousels back then. It was just a one picture post, okay? And you would scroll and you'd see everyone. You'd be liking everyone. You'd be commenting, whatever. And you'd get to the end. And that would be it. And then you put your phone away and that's the end of it.

There was even a limitation on how much screen time we were using back then. So I do think I have much better, a healthier association with my phone. Whereas nowadays, this is why it's so fucking scary for my child getting a phone is because there's no end to it. They make it addictive on purpose. So you have to keep scrolling, more advertisements, you're on your phone longer. It's fucking crazy. The more I think about it, actually how insane it is, the more I'm like, this is fucking insane. Now, I would love to get to a point where

I only do YouTube and podcasts but at the moment obviously before I get a house that's a stupid thing to do. I have to wait to get a house and then I can go fucking willy nilly. But they're the things that go to your head. I suppose it's like a primal instinct where it's like the pack mentality that you should be sticking together and you want people to like you so that they don't leave you behind and you're defenseless when it comes to that sort of thing. You have to stick together. You want that sense of community and togetherness. Anyway.

So when you're not invited to something, oh my god, the reject, the sense of rejection, the hurt, the pain. This is an interesting one. Yes, I get FOMO, but only from the chance of meaningful conversations, funnily enough. Like if my friends or my girlfriend were to go out to town for the night, even though I love nights out, I've no FOMO because I feel like there can't be meaningful remembered conversations had.

However, if my friends were to do something more connecting like coffee or a walk or something, I'd have FOMO on the conversations I know would be had, not the actual experience. And it's not like I'm fearful of being left out on jokes or not understanding something in the group because that genuinely doesn't affect me at all. Thank you to my bullies for making me not care about that. But more so FOMO on the opportunity to know my friends better. Not sure if that makes sense, but yeah.

I suppose I've a fear of missing out on building relationships and making them stronger rather than anything else someone might class as fear of missing out. Okay, this is also an interesting take. I used to have FOMO so much more in my old friendship group. Like, if they did anything, I couldn't come...

If they did anything and I couldn't come, I would feel devastated even if it was my choice to go do a different thing. Now I feel so comfortable in my friendships and less anxiously attached, I don't experience it at all. Even if two mates are hanging out without me, I'm like, oh, how nice they are having one-on-one time and that's beautiful. So I think it depends on the people you surround yourself with.

Someone said, seeing other people's lives online, I've purposely had to try and not watch travel content or rich people living in New York, etc. because I want to be more grateful for the life I have and not constantly compare it to other people. Anyway, have I talked enough shite?

I think I've talked enough shy for this episode. The FOMO, I think if you're having FOMO for people online that you don't know, that's definitely not healthy and like something you should probably nip in the bud because you don't know those people fully. If anything, you wouldn't want to, if you knew everything about them, you probably wouldn't want to swap lives with them. And it's also not something you can have the fear of missing out on because you don't know them well enough to be invited to whatever they're doing. But if you're having FOMO

for people that you know doing a few things or like haven't been invited to something I do think that is a little bit healthy and should encourage you to want to socialize a bit more let go of the rigid structures try to bring back a bit of spontaneity in your life try to hang out with people a little bit more especially if you don't have children you don't have that like there's no reason for you to be so strict and rigid in your time frames I don't think and your schedules but anyway I hope you enjoyed this episode let me know what you think yeah love you all

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