heroin chic, hip dips & BBLs: body trends & why women can't win
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Welcome back to Growing Up With Cailin Moncrief. On today's episode, I will be uncovering and dissecting the world of body trends that have kept us in a vicious cycle of never-ending self-optimization and preservation. But before I get into that, and I have a huge amount...

a hefty amount of listener contributions that you sent me. So thank you so much for everyone who sent in a story about body awareness and when you first became conscious of your body shape or your body type or maybe even felt insecure about it. It was deeply disturbing. I did think it was going to be mostly around teenagehood, teenage years, but it is from as young as three years old, which I did find disturbing.

really harrowing. But before I get into that, I want to talk about a few books that I have been reading recently. So I just finished Eileen by Atessa Moshfeg. I really loved it. Unlikable character, a bit creepy, a bit of a freak. I kind of love the way she writes a character that you are meant to dislike, but at the same time you do empathize with. As well as that, I just

finished listening to Green Dot by Madeline Gray. Again, unlikable character but you kind of empathise with at the end. If you want to join my book club, I'm just starting Rosewater by Liv Little which is this month's choice for my book club on Fable. It's women's writers and it's celebrating female authors and literary fiction. So like I said, with this vicious cycle of never-ending self-op

and the goalposts are constantly changing, especially when it comes to body trends. For example, when I was younger, I remember around the American Pie era, it was very much heroin chic. Everyone was very slim. And what stood out to me

a lot, especially during that, as I could see the change over time from when it went from wanting a flat arse, wanting a really tight, small bum. It was said so much in those sorts of movies and like in the early 2000s to then all of a sudden with the popularization of the Kardashians, everyone all of a sudden wanted a big arse or a BBL. And I found that really interesting was because no matter what you did,

there was no guarantee that you will eventually or inevitably become satisfied or happy

or feel accepted in the body shape that you have. There was never a celebration of, oh, well, we're all different shapes and sizes. Yeah, it would be said to us. But there are so many reasons why we don't tend to believe that and so many different contributions to why we feel insecure or forced to feel insecure in our body. And it's not just mainstream media. It's not just comments from other people and being upholded by our peers and society. It also can be internalized within ourselves as well. And there are a lot of psychological tricks involved.

that play into this that I will go into as well. But this sort of like striving for a better body or it's not even a better body, but it's a type of body that was being constantly being sold to us

And then by the time we reach that, it's like there's a different trend that we have to follow. So it's constantly keeping in this like sort of a running treadmill with no exit whatsoever. But it also gives us this false sense of achievement or purpose that is, in fact, in actual fact, making us weaker and more insecure, which is disguised as wellness or health. And there's a whole thing. This could be a whole separate episode about the health.

and health and wellness industry and how it's playing on our insecurities and thrives off of us being insecure in ourselves so that they can continue making money off of us. But this is predominantly targeted as women to, I think, and I believe, to keep us in a constant state of...

deprivation, insecurity and weakness, because you will have noticed over and when I was examining these trends over the years, there has been times obviously in like the early 19th century where the ideal body type was like a very full figure, well fed figure because it was a sign of wealth. And the opposite then was a sign of being poor. So there has been a time where having a bigger body was a sign of like

something to be celebrated at the time. The problem isn't trying to be healthier or making an effort to, in quotations now, look after yourself or your body. The problem is this myth or lie that's sold to us that if we buy this product or do this exact workout, we've all been sucked into the Alexis Renn 10-minute ab workout. We've all been there.

But the lie that we will eventually start to love ourselves or feel worthy or feel loved and accepted. But the reality is that these goalposts are constantly getting further and further away from us, the destination always changing, but the battle still feeling relatively the same. If it's not thigh gaps, it's BBLs, and if it's not hip dips, it's muffin tops. Women's bodies are not only under siege reproductively in parts of the world, but are globally under intense scrutiny and dissection, regardless of appearance.

with the pervasiveness now of editing, airbrushing and filters on social media, combined with the accessibility and normalising of serious, if not dangerous, cosmetic procedures, it's no wonder that women and girls find it so difficult to be at peace with what they look like, especially their bodies. Now, to just...

talk on the whole airbrushing because I saw that Emma Neill just uploaded, now I haven't listened to it yet, but she just uploaded an episode on her podcast about whether we need more transparency when it comes to cosmetic procedures and what influencers or celebrities are receiving. Now, I also, I'm going to give my own opinion now before I've listened to what she had to say, but I do think it's

It's a lose-lose situation whether they are transparent or not. I do think, for example, if you're comparing yourself to another person, the example that I always give is I get sucked into these TikToks, I suppose, because I'm at that age where I'm a bit more conscious of my aging face, maybe a few more wrinkles that I hadn't had before. And I know in my head aging is a gift.

It is something that we should cherish because not a lot of people get to this point. Like there's people who would be lying in their hospital bed thinking, I can't believe you're worrying about your wrinkles at 27 when I can't even live my life to the fullest, you know, that sort of thing. But anyway, I'm getting to that age now where I'm kind of getting sucked into the whole like 10 step skincare routine. Because if it's not Botox, if it's not a cosmetic procedure, it's like I will replace it with something else.

Even though I know in myself that this is still just capitalism wanting me to keep myself in the cycle of self-optimization and trying to make myself better or look better or preserve myself for as long as possible. But on the flip side of that, I'm very aware of the fact that people who look young in quotations look put together and do kind of put in an effort of their appearance on

are treated differently. I would be watching these TikToks and getting sucked into this. Like my For You page would be like that, you know, how I look so young. This is my 10 step skincare routine on how I look so youthful. And a lot of times I would be watching like a three and a half minute video. I get to the end

of the three minutes. So the 30 seconds left, she's shown me 10 steps, the morning and the night, all the products that she uses, the price range for them. Like I'm already, I already have about 300 euro worth of products in my basket. And then by the last 30 seconds, she says, and I get a bit of Botox down on my forehead. Now, the reason why I feel betrayed, first of all, yes, it's grand for the transparency. Now I can look at your face and go, okay,

Now I can't take this seriously because number one, you look like that because of the Botox, not because of the skincare products. Also, she could have the smoothing effect on the TikTok. It doesn't show you if someone has the smoothing effect on their TikTok video. So you can't always trust these people. I'm acutely aware of my privilege as a white person as well and what benefits...

I received because of that. But I kept myself in a constant loop of, oh, well, maybe if I'd gotten this done, people would like to look at my face a little bit more, which is so self-absorbed. Hello, I have a lot more to offer than that. I suppose when with the rise of this transparency of cosmetic procedures thing, a lot of these influencers would then come forward and be like, I remember watching a video once of a girl being like, I got, now she was saying things that I'd actually never even heard of.

I knew about Botox. I knew about filler. But then it got to the stage where people were getting like that fox eye thing. Like Bella Hadid. The fox eye lift. A nose job. The thing to slim down your jaw. Some sort of thing that you inject in your chin so you don't have a double chin anymore. I mean...

This world had opened up to me. I was very like, if anything, I was a bit naive about the things that were on the market that you could get. But then after this, after me finding out these procedures, it's then imprinted in my head that, oh, well, it's not just filler and Botox that I could get to improve or enhance my features. I could be getting this, this, this, this and this. So that's even a longer list of things that I have

parked, I suppose, in the files in the back of my head going, if I ever come to it, I could just get all these things. There are procedures I can get if worse comes to worst. And I do think that is a very dangerous territory to be in because I could be working on my practical skills. I could have been learning how to crochet instead of worrying about my appearance. Do you see where I'm coming from? My...

first instance of body awareness or even insecurity occurred when I was around nine or ten and I remember when I was in primary school there was this boy that I fancied and he was one of these boys that had hip puberty when he was like seven

So I was like, oh my God, he's a real man. He has three hairs on his upper lip. As well as having very confusing feelings for girls in my class. But I wasn't going to feed into those thoughts either. I just thought I was a pervert because it wasn't like there was no pride flags around then. Around that time, I was in a very sort of conservative bubble at that age. Even though my parents were kind of hippies, I don't think I'd ever met a gay person before.

Do you know? There was this boy that I did have. I was like, OK, he could be my first kiss. That's no problem. It's like that's my plan. You know, I was around 10. We were going we were on a school bus to go to swimming lessons because there was a time I think this was during the Celtic Tiger, guys. There was a time where schools got funding to do swimming lessons and you'd be taught how to swim, which is fantastic. Now thinking of that now, very good practical life skills to learn. I didn't have swimming togs at that time.

I just had bikinis. So I was in a bikini with clothes on over. And I remember I was wearing this yellow top, a little bit of midriff, but not a belly top, like a little bit, you know, just about like, just coming. I mean, you couldn't see my belly button, but you know what I mean? Then like cycling shorts, was sitting down and I don't know what I was doing, singing and dancing, but I'd been lifting my arms. And then the boy who I fancied was sitting across from me and he'd gone. Now, in fairness, he was being really sarcastic

surreptitious about it pointed at my stomach to kind of let me know subtly so that no one else would notice which in fairness what a gentleman I think he actually did end up being my first kiss but anyway he pointed at my stomach and he was like no or was he I can't remember but um he pointed at my stomach and he was like oh your belly's out sort of thing and I remember just being mortified

Oh my God, I was absolutely mortified that now...

Looking back, it was not like a muffin top. It was literally just like my sitting down stomach. But I remember it's really a poignant memory in my brain because from then on, I started sucking in when I was sitting down. I think all girls remember at the point you started sucking in. And then from that point, I think there was the whole like when YouTube started, it was kind of the Googling how to get abs. So

sort of thing. And then another pertinent contribution or observation that I made as a child when it came to bodies was how my mother saw her body and how she still does now. Now, I know I've had a completely different experience to my sisters and my mom wasn't an almond mom or anything, but there was very much a core focus of being skinny. Skinny was a compliment.

skinny was always a now there was no fat shaming in the house but it was very much like the focus and drive on being skinny that was the end goal and being blonde of course my mother did say once I'd rather be bald than not be blonde is what she said blonde skinny that's the buzz and she would be grabbing her stomach in the mirror

But it would be paired with, you know, looking at herself in the mirror and going, oh, I'm fucking gorgeous. It would just depend on the day. And she would always say to us, well, at least you're good looking. There was a very much drive, focus,

on being good looking. That was like, if you're not good looking, you're fucked. That was like her thing. But her thing was always, well, it's lucky that you're good looking whenever anything went wrong. I remember once I lost my job when I was 19 and she said, well, at least you have your good looks. If I got broken up with, she was like, well, Cílán, you're good looking. Like you have nothing to worry about. And in fairness, because I was being told that from a child and that was kind of my thing, I was like,

You know, that's the kind of thing I was internalizing. That would actually soothe me. And then I think when I started getting, you know, if you get compliments online, it would kind of feed into that and you'd get addicted to it then. My grandmothers were a different story because I think of that generation, it was very much like,

I think we are as a society going away from the fat shaming and associating laziness with being fat because there's a lot of things that contribute to you a person being overweight like if anyone has PCOS you'll know what I mean or any other health issues so we have because of the access to information I suppose and knowing about other people's health problems it's not just the simplistic

of being like I eat too much food so I am fat it's like way more complicated than that but I think that society has it's been deeply ingrained in us to be fat phobic I mean in loads of TV shows the comic relief is always a fat person like Monica and Friends there was always jokes about her being fat I mean

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons, there was always jokes about him being fat. Mainstream media is steeped in fatphobia and that's kind of what we were brought up with. But I think now we're getting deprogrammed out of that. For our grandmother's generation, it's not something they had the opportunity to learn yet.

And any time I know I wasn't that close with my grandparents, but especially on my dad's side. But when I did see her, she would be going, oh, gee, look at that. You know, look at that fat person. She was being dead serious. And I was going, oh, God. Now, at that stage, I had I was building my core beliefs. You know, as a child, you're building up what's right and what's wrong. And at that stage, when I had met her and started experiencing her saying those comments, I wasn't internalizing that because I had built beliefs.

a strong enough sense of self and self-beliefs that I wasn't swayed by her opinions. Do you know what I mean? But you can see how children whose brains are still developing, which is why I would be very strongly against my child getting social media at a young age because they could be very easily swayed by what is said online because they haven't built that strong self-belief or strong core belief system to be able to say, no, that's not right.

They could kind of look at a comment or look at multiple comments of people commenting about appearance or whatever it is and internalize that and basically undo all the hard work that I would have done as a parent to build those strong core beliefs. Does that make sense? We see this time and time again constantly happening and being

pushed by mainstream media, magazines back in the 90s where they're just constantly scrutinizing celebrities' bodies or whatever. But we can see how like even in our core group or our families, we can be internalizing this sort of casual conversation around like losing weight, what we put into our bodies and wanting to have a certain figure. My other grandmother, I remember she said to me once,

One of the Kardashians stopped eating dairy. So she lost loads of weight. And I was thinking that's a crazy piece of information that you know as like a 70 year old woman. Because I thought at some point you stop caring as much as you get older. I think that's the beauty about getting older is you stop caring about other people's opinions. You feel more self-assured, hopefully. You feel more... You feel like you know yourself more. But I suppose if you're not...

focusing on self-reflection or working towards that, it's like, it's very hard to brush off these feelings of insecurity and this constant drive for skinniness. And then the next time I went down to her, her new thing was, I have to stop eating sauces. Like, no ketchup mayonnaise gravy. Like, that's the kind of shit you... And I was just going, this is crazy. Like, what do you mean you're not going to be eating sauces? Like, you're just going to be eating dry food for the rest of your life. Like, what?

How is that like a sustainable sort of diet? When I started in secondary school, it was very much like a casual...

commenting on what other people were eating at lunch, talking about cutting out carbs. That was a big thing in secondary school. I think what was different, not that I was so different. I mean, my internal dialogue, I'd say, was the exact same as every other teenage girl at the time. You're so wrapped up in self-obsession that you think you are the unique one. You're different from the rest. You're the diamond in the rough sort of thing. But I do, I remember always feeling a bit shocked at the casualness of this sort of like

Let's all stop eating collectively. Let's all stop eating carbs. Toxic eating habits. Also, the chokeholds that rice cakes had on us as a generation. I don't think I could actually look at another rice cake again.

The same way I remember getting like the toddler versions of them for my daughter. I was thinking, no, I'm not going to start her on this. This is crazy. They're not even nice. And we're all fucking kidding ourselves, convincing ourselves that they were nice. They're rotten. It's literally like eating dry cardboard. Stale, dry cardboard. But it was something you just took part of because you didn't want to be left out. Then my next...

body awareness I'm going to be backtracking now a little bit and an added level of shame or insecurity when it comes to women's bodies might not feel relevant to the exact subject matter of this episode but when I felt

very acutely aware of my of the sexuality of my body when it wasn't even in my eyes a sexual thing like I hadn't hit puberty yet properly and it was the first time I ever got catcalled and maybe this could be a whole other episode or maybe you can comment when you experience this yourself because I always felt very alone when this happened and really scared obviously so the first time that I felt sexualized or objectified and I felt so ashamed of

of being sort of a girl and very aware that I was a girl and the different experience that I had because I was a girl was when I was 11, I was on the bus home from...

And the dance school that I was in, we had to wear a uniform. And I know what you're thinking in your head. You're thinking a nylon leotard and tights. No, no, no. It was a black hoodie and it was black. It was black flares, long, black and red. And I was wearing my hoodie and flares like I wasn't in the tank top. Do you know what I mean? I was in my jazz shoes. I was covered up like I wasn't even being that risque. And I was also fucking 11.

And I was sitting at the top of the bus looking out the window because at that point I didn't have an iPod Touch or an iPhone or any of that shit. I had my pink Nokia. As I was going down the stairs, there was two men sort of sitting, you know, looking over the stairs. And I don't know what age they were because in my head, you know, when you're 11, everyone is old. Everyone was so old. So I don't know what age. But as I was going down the stairs, they were like, ooh, pretty lady or something like that and started whistling. And I got so scared. And

I looked up and they were looking directly at me. I ran down the stairs, fell down the last three steps and then cried all the way home. Further on this perpetual shame that I felt about my body and what I think a lot of women will resonate with is boys then commenting. So this started probably when I was around 10, 11, 12, when boys would be like in the schoolyard. Oh, did you see Mary grew tits over the summer?

You know, that sort of thing. But then you're kind of thinking, do I need to grow tits? Do I need boobs now? But then as you grow into teenagehood... Now, even at that, I think that's a little bit innocent because it's just like, who's hit puberty? You know, in fairness. Now, in fairness, the girls aren't going, I wonder whose balls have dropped. Like, that would feel perverted. And we also don't care. But then as teenagers...

I remember specifically the sort of comments that boys would make, like about flaps, vagina flaps, about pepperoni nipples. And this was around the time when boys would be pressuring girls into sending nudes and then subsequently would be sharing them around to everyone.

because they have no social skills. What perpetuated and created even more unrealistic body standards was the access to mainstream porn. I think this is what has truly fucked up the development of boys' brains as teenagers. And I can imagine it's especially worse now with like phones and that. Like boys didn't have smartphones at that stage, sort of. Maybe iPod touches and laptops and all, but like there wasn't access to it anymore.

so frequently and so easily. So with the uprising of mainstream porn, you have to think these videos are like women who've gotten boob jobs, actually grown women who fully developed bodies. They could have had labiaplasties. That's a new procedure that I found out in my early 20s. Labiaplasty, that's a thing. Now keep in mind, all of these boys at the time are virgins. You have to keep that in mind. But they would be making comments like, oh,

big flaps, inverted pepperoni nipples. That was like a regular slag about girls and also smells like fish. Now, I want you to go back and remember, boys, how they looked when we were 15. I remember the most beautiful girls when I was in secondary school. I mean, naturally highlighted hair, beautiful, long, wavy brunette hair, clear skin.

Even when we had pimples, we looked good. Beautifully fresh faced, clean. Every single girl I knew in that era in my secondary school smelled lovely, like apples and lavender. You know, and we were talking about cutting out carbs. It was all very innocuous. And then you think of teenage boys, crusty, dusty, smelly, sweaty, ugly, spotty, pussy boys sitting around going, oh, pepperoni nipples on your one.

sorry, what did you just say? What? You're literally a virgin. You're a virgin. You've never had sex. You've never seen a woman's body before in real life, other than your mother's, I presume. So you're going to sit there and comment about other girls' bodies. But then at that stage, of course, we're all conditioned to want this approval to feel accepted by men if we're that way inclined. We are gasping. We're craving their approval. So we're thinking and internalizing these comments going, oh Jesus, I better get out the femme fresh.

So FemFresh are thinking, happy fucking days. Let's make six new products, six new ranges of fragrances. Why not? This is fucking brilliant. That's not an, you know, it's not as if the vagina is self-cleaning and it obviously just has a smell to it. You know, obviously it's not a bad smell. It just has a smell like the rest of your body has a smell. It just has a smell. So instead of that, let's make them insecure about a natural bodily function and sell them a product for it.

Watermelon and lime, baby. Your insecurities sponsored by FemFresh. And now the pepperoni comments. We're not fully developed yet. Like my nipples, even to this day, are still changing shape and size. That's just the way the body works. Breastfeeding, they were different. When I got pregnant, they were different. That's just it. They're just nipples. Okay, and here are some of your contributions on when you felt body aware or body conscious.

I loved going to the hairdressers, nail appointments, etc. with my mum. I was born in 1998, so thin culture and body shaming was all over the media. I'd spend hours reading the gossip magazines that bullied women about their bodies, comparing them to whales. This affected my confidence. I remember complaining to my friends in the swimming changing rooms saying I thought I was fat when really it was just baby chub and completely natural. I also begged my mum to let me get my eyebrows waxed and she wouldn't let me, so I shaved them off. Luckily, they grew back.

Not the first time, but definitely a seminal moment in my relationship with my body. At 14, went to Slimming World. At 14. With my mam and was told by the group cult leader that just because my age was double digits didn't mean my weight should be. Ended up spiraling into very serious ED around that time. Media like Tumblr, shows like Skins, Desirability Politics and General Sociology Cultural Attitudes Towards Women's Appearance slash Purpose played a huge part too.

I remember being self-conscious on the beach in Spain when I was literally seven years old because the Spanish women were so tanned and skinny and I looked down at my flabby white belly and thought to myself, wow, I'm disgusting. So sad to think of now. Oh my God.

When I came home from my J1, which was a summer of enjoying myself and not being worried about my diet for the first time in my life, my uncle said that the weight suited me. I think he meant well and I was probably too thin before I went, but it was the first time in my life I felt aware of my body being perceived as something I didn't want it to be. I spent the next year starving myself and have both consciously and unconsciously struggled since. Five years old, sitting in my car seat and my parents were talking about my thighs.

Jesus. I was 10. One of my friends called me a skinny bitch, which was crazy, but also it took me time to realize it was because she was already being told she was fat by men at the age of 10. Pennies maximize your assets, Braz, being suddenly the staple of me in every other 13 or 14 year old's wardrobes. We were sat in yard doing weird arm flexes or exercises which were supposed to grow your chest. There's such a good movie that encapsulates this so well. It's... God, it's Margaret, where are you? Or...

Where are you God? It's Margaret. Something like that. Rachel McAdams is in it anyway. But there's a scene in it where all the girls... They're like around 11 or 12 and they want to be noticed by boys and they want to grow a chest and they want to get their periods. And they do this dance and it's like, We must! We must! We must increase our bust! It's so good. I saw it in the cinema and it's definitely... It's up there with one of my favourite movies because it just... It really is just girlhood in a movie. Especially the other movie...

um that's kind of similar like coming of age around that era it's called eighth grade and the girl in it is except that one is like the one where you got it's me margaret that one is based i think in the 70s but eighth grade is more definitely more modern because the girl has an iphone or something and it's it's more in depth about like the effects of social media and what that does to teenagers and their development and their social skills i suppose um

And the pressures that come along with that. But eighth grade is definitely much more of a harder watch because you can see she's more in it in puberty. And kind of the effects of like negative comments that you get and boys giving you attention, but it's kind of negative attention. But eighth grade is really good at, you know, showing the like awkward moments we have as teenagers and like with our bodies and everything.

oh, it's really hard to watch, but it's such a good movie. And she has a YouTube channel and she has no friends, but she'll come onto the videos and be like, this is how to make friends, you guys. What did she say? She has a tagline and it's like, deuces or something like that. Is that what it is? Oh, I don't know, but it's so cute. Literally me. Oh my God, she's literally me. We're like, haha.

In my YouTube videos I'm like Guys this is how you love yourself And I'm at home being like Stupid stupid bitch Anyway I was a teenager In the mid to late noughties So Effie from Skins Was the ideal I'm a brown woman With an athletic figure Broad shoulders And thick thighs And so felt the complete Opposite of this ideal I was a teenager

But anyway, I'm going to get into a few statistics here.

So a Glamour magazine survey found that 97% of women have at least one negative thought about their body image every day. According to a report by World Metrics, 91% of women are unhappy with their bodies and 80% report disliking the body they see in the mirror. Only 2% of women consider themselves beautiful and over 90% wish to change at least one aspect of their physical appearance.

appearance and that a statistic is taken from world metrics now statistics in ireland a study by the national women's council of ireland revealed that 41 percent of irish women are unhappy or very unhappy with their appearance among teenage girls in ireland 61 percent reported struggling with body image due to social media and 77 percent said they didn't feel beautiful

body dissatisfaction can lead to avoidance of activities. 87% of women have opted out of important life events because they felt insecure about their looks. Now, there's going to be a few, obviously, negative impacts that are not only the risk of disordered eating and the risks that we run with disordered eating. That's not exactly what I'm saying or not something that I'm speaking about, but there are loads of other

of other negative implications that body insecurities and this sort of like culture of body awareness has on women and it's not just the danger of EDs obviously there are severely dangerous and with the lack of support that we have the lack of beds we have but it's so pervasive especially among teenage girls that it can follow us into our adulthood but there are many other negative impacts that this can have on our sense of self so one of the negative impacts that it can have

is relationship strain. We've all felt this sort of like insecure in our relationship to the point where it's detrimental to the way that we communicate or even our reactions within that relationship. So poor self-image can lead to insecurity in romantic and platonic relationships, leading to isolation or unhealthy attachment patterns. And also academic performance. So

So low self-esteem and anxiety stemming from body image can hurt concentration and performance in school. And you have to remember as well, if your body is hungry, it cannot function properly. And that includes your brain. Your brain is a really, really important organ that needs to have fuel, water, food and nourishment. And if it's not getting that, it's not going to be able to function properly. And I think our strongest weapons as women is to be able to utilize our brains effectively.

and to continue educating ourselves so that we can surpass the leadership of men to make the world a better place. But we're not going to get to that

phase or stage if we're constantly hungry these are all the contributions to why we feel the way we do a better body image there's a lot of things um like early messaging and cultural norms that shape body image so one of the biggest ones that i found in this research is obviously media and pop culture i found a lot of the covers of these magazines that was like 50 women who were slaying the beach now they weren't saying slaying back then but you know what i mean or they'd be like

50 fattest women at the beach and literally calling them whales and other derogatory terms because they were like had just had a baby I think there's a big insidious part of the way now currently advertising and media can shape our views of bodies because they're not saying they're not calling women whales or calling them fat on the beach or that sort of thing because that's

not allowed. Like we've been saying that's not right and condemning them for that. But I think what is more insidious and is like seeping into society and our internalized beauty standards is the way that they compliment, uplift and celebrate

skinny bodies so it's they're still doing the exact same thing but it just has a pretty ribbon on it so now the like the covers of magazines articles will be like the spring back from the postpartum body it's also in the comment sections other women uplifting women saying you're glowing you have a post

break up glow even though that girl is probably stressed out with her fucking bin and hasn't been eating properly that usually is the case but we will constantly see this positive messaging surrounding women who are skinny and it's like there's still like hung literal for one for lack of a better word this hunger or insatiable desire to be like as skinny as possible and now it's just literally just put a positive spin on it but it's still the same message and

But anyway, for decades, ads have glorified thin, toned, airbrushed bodies, making them synonymous with success, beauty and desirability. Even now, many brands subtly promote body shame to sell products. Example, bikini body ready slogans. And I've also noticed this with the, say, for example, an athleisure brand. An athleisure brand is not going to have a woman, a curvy woman or a fat woman as their poster girl.

Because they want to sell you this idea that if you wear this athleisure wear, you're going to be skinny. And you are desired and you're going to be accepted and loved. I remember, for example, I did have a very positive association with being strong and muscly with the function of my body and seeing that as a positive thing. And I think I was around the age of eight. And I remember when I was hanging out at the tennis club with my friends. Yes, the tennis club.

There were girls there that was able to do a back handspring. And I thought, that is just the bee's knees. That is actually the coolest thing I've ever fucking seen. And they, the gymnasts in my class would always have sort of broader shoulders and muscly arms. Now, as I became friends with these girls, I would have realized that they found this an insecure, there was something they were insecure about and they didn't like having these muscular shoulders or broad shoulders. So then I internalized that and I thought, okay, maybe that isn't the ideal body shape. But for a sweet moment in my life,

I was blissfully unaware of what was to come. But there was a phase in my life when I thought that is the shit and that's the kind of body I want because I can do a motherfucking back handspring bitch thing.

And that is the shit that I wanted. So I would like to continue that buzz and just think of, I want to be strong so I'm able to lift heavy things. You know, I want to have big shoulders so I can do a motherfucking back handspring. I want to be flexible so I can do a little backflip as a party piece. Do you know what I mean? That's the kind of thing that I want to be striving towards. Then there's, yeah, so TV's...

TV and movies also are a huge contributor to this, the continuing of a specific sort of body image. So lead female characters are often cast to fit conventional beauty standards. So they'd be thin, white, youthful, able-bodied, while other are sidekicks, villains, or used as comic relief, like I said, in Friends.

And then celebrity culture, the media glorifies rapid weight loss, cosmetics procedures and postpartum snapbacks, reinforcing the message that women must constantly work to fix their bodies. Now, social media is another huge contributor. So with filters and Facetune platforms like Instagram and TikTok,

let users curate perfect versions of themselves making it easy to compare your real body to someone's edited highlight reel and then influencers and fitness culture so wellness influencers often frame strict diets and workout regimens as self-love or empowerment but still emphasize aesthetics over actual health I know Abercrombie for a while to get

called out for this but I do think that the lights of Zara and all that are definitely their clothes are looking a little bit smaller because they want to keep that exclusivity with the brand and still they're promoting this sort of like we only want skinny people to be wearing it and they will purposely exclude

larger sizes out of it because they don't want that particular type of person to be seen wearing a brand. It's to increase the exclusivity. It's to increase this unattainable sort of like drive to be skinnier and the want and the yearning. And it makes a brand for some reason seem more...

desirable. Many brands don't carry inclusive sizing implying that only certain bodies are worthy of fashionable clothing and then products are often marketed as solutions to normal body features example cellulite stretch marks body hair reinforcing that these are flaws rather than natural. Oh you're eating that is it? Jesus you're scoffing that down.

Jesus, you in for another serving, is it? You know, that sort of shite. And then compliments and validation. So society often praises weight loss with, you look great rather than asking about health or happiness, rewarding thinness above all else. And I have noticed this especially, and I know it's so hard not to do it. I've also done it myself and I'm like, drop the workout routine. You look stunning. You know, even though I have absolutely, I have no...

There's no way in hell I'm actually going to do that whatever workout routine that they suggest me or say that are going to be doing. I'm probably not most likely not. It was more just to give them a compliment, you know, rather than me actually seeking advice. But this whole thing like you're glowing if someone's lost a little bit of weight, it is again, it's like

repackaging it you're not going to outright say oh my god you look so skinny now I have gotten a few of those comments being like how did you lose the weight after the baby like straight I actually appreciate the honesty but it's just like you know a multitude of different reasons genetics breastfeeding stress you know I shit my brains out I just I'm a shitty pants

So I can't exactly give you the advice that you're looking for. There's constant like reinforcement of skinny equals good. But what that does as a person, so if you're getting all the comments going, you look great, you've lost loads of weight, drop the workout routine. That's again, you're internalizing all of those comments. What's going to happen when they stop? You know, are you going to feel shit about yourself then?

Have you built up a strong enough self-belief system, core beliefs that like because we can tell ourselves until the cows come home, look at ourselves in the mirror. I am beautiful. I am worthy. My body functions properly. I'm still getting some. I have big titties. You know, I was able to grow a child. I'm able to run if I want to. I'm able to lift heavy things. I can do all of these other fantastic, amazing things with my body. I can go for a hike.

But then the moment we feel that's slipping away from us, like maybe I'm not desirable as other people are. Maybe I'm not desirable as what I once was. That can off all away very quickly. And I think that it's like a psychological trick where we will see these comments, even if we have that core belief system that,

all bodies should be accepted I am worthy just the way I am like I wasn't having any more or less sex when I if I was skinnier like I'm still having as much sex my partner still loves me just as much as he did when I was pregnant when I was postpartum when I was a size 10 to versus when I was a size 6 you know what I mean it makes absolutely no difference to him because I'm still funny I'm still intelligent I can still hold a conversation I can still you

you know, do all those things, lovely things that we do together. Women have been told to be valued for their appearance more than their intellect or contributions. And that body then becomes a means of social capital. And this has been so deeply ingrained to our core that it is so difficult to unlearn. But I do think it's such an act of protest that

to say to yourself not only to yourself but to other people I am worthy of love and I accept my body and I don't have to change it just to fit in or so it makes you feel more comfortable I am going to love myself regardless as a radical act of protest because I need to focus on other shit I need to

I need to fight for my rights, finally, rather than focusing on my diet or my workout routine or how to snap back after being postpartum. I need to focus on educating myself and learning practical skills and, you know, all that other good shit that has meaningful contributions to society rather than focusing on the way I look. These internalised beauty standards are

We feel them so deeply that they begin to feel like personal choices instead of social conditioning. So I know there's a huge debate around this sort of like, I'm doing it to make myself happy. But why does that make you happy? Like, why does changing the way you look make you personally feel happy? What's contributing to that?

And then what are going to be the negative implications to that decision? Am I going to put all this money and pain and effort in so that I can feel a little bit better for a small portion, for a small moment? Because you have to remember, you can get all this work done

And you can still feel insecure about it. There's never going to be a moment where you're going to feel completely satisfied if you're constantly striving for this unattainable, perfect version of yourself because that doesn't exist. You don't even have to love yourself. You don't have to go into the mirror and go, oh, I'm fucking gorgeous. It doesn't have to be that quick of a cure. But just go like, I'm not thinking about my looks today. You know what? It doesn't matter for today. I'm going to fucking read a book today. I'm not going to think about what I look like for once.

I'm going to walk around the house naked for a day because I'm hot. I don't mean I look hot. I actually feel hot, like I'm sweating.

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