I Was Assaulted by a Prison Guard — Then I Took Him Down | Jackie Farris
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At just 15 years old, Jackie Ferris ran away from home and spiraled into a world of addiction, chaos, and

and prison. But behind bars, her nightmare got worse. She was assaulted by a prison guard. Most people would stay silent. Jackie didn't. She fought the system and won $3 million. This is a story they never wanted you to hear.

Jackie, welcome to Locked In. This is your first ever podcast interview. My first ever podcast. I'm really happy to be here. Yeah. Thank you. I'm so excited to have you here. And for anyone that doesn't know you, you are posting content regularly on TikTok. We'll have the link to your TikTok. And a lot of the content is similar to what we're going to be talking about today, too. Yeah, cool. I was watching all your TikToks the other day.

I was on a little binge when I got back from my little trip that I was telling you about that everyone's going to find out about soon. You were one of the first people that popped up in my For You page. Cool. Well, thanks. So it worked out. And then come to find out you were scheduled for today. You didn't know? No.

My brother does all the scheduling, and I just got back after three months off the grid, so I'm just catching up with everything. Yeah, I saw that. You were posting some stories about it. Cool. Yeah. Well, thanks for coming from Chicago. I know you're in New York right now. First time in New York, right? Yeah. Okay. And did you grow up in Chicago?

I grew up in Illinois. It's like outside of Chicago. It's about two hours on a farm, like in the middle of nowhere. Now, isn't Chicago's in Illinois? So there's a city named Illinois too? No, that's the state. Oh, okay. So state is Illinois and then Chicago's in Illinois. A lot of people think Chicago is the state. Yeah, yeah. What city in Illinois? Did I grow up in? Yeah, yeah. It's called Thalville. It's got 200 people in it.

You've never heard of it. That's why I got thrown off because you said I grew. I said Chicago and then you said Illinois. So I was like, oh, is there another city named Illinois in Illinois? Right. Yeah. Who'd you grow up with? I grew up with my family, my mom, my stepdad, my brothers. I grew up in like just like a normal 90s household. We had a lot of abuse prevalent in the household and it was all hidden, you know, like we never talked about it.

We just went to school and, you know, hid all that stuff. But my stepdad was an alcoholic and he just, like, abused my mom all the time and stuff. Did they talk about it with you at all? No. No.

It was just like a normal thing. I feel like a lot of households in the 90s were like, if anything was going on, it was very like shut off. Like you couldn't get on social media or like turn to anybody. It was like you couldn't do that. You're gonna get in trouble. You know, do you and your siblings ever talk about it? Yeah, sometimes here and there. My brother had a different childhood than me. I don't know how.

He swears he had a good one. Really? Yeah. Like, he never wanted to leave the farm. I always wanted to get away from my stepdad. But my stepdad had, like, a little money, you know? Like, he always thought, if we leave, how are we going to live? Like, how are we going to pay for things? And I didn't care. Like, I'd rather be broke, you know, just, like, sitting on the side of the road or living in a shelter rather than go through all that. Did you have a lot of friends? Were you popular? Yeah. I was a cheerleader, and my mom, like, really went above and beyond to, like, make sure that...

Stuff like that kind of stuff wasn't like shown or whatever. I saw that. I didn't know that until later. Like now that I'm a mom, I have four kids. So now I'm like, you know, she really did do a lot.

Did you put blame on her for not getting out of that relationship with your stepfather? Yeah, for a long time I did. I was just like, how could you, you know, like, how could you as a mom, like, keep us going through that? But then, like, as I became a mom, I'm like, okay, it's such a hard thing. And then when you're going through abuse yourself, it's like you're also, she's going through her own, like, demons, basically. Do you think you would have looked at your childhood differently if you know what you know now after being a mother? Yeah, for sure.

I would. And we've talked about it. You know, we're still like I'm she's still in my life.

I bought her a car just recently. Oh, that's so cool. Yeah. It's always cool to see like when the child comes full circle, like now being able to take my dad out, you know, for a meal or hang out with him and do stuff for him compared to it being the other way around. It feels so good. It does. Yeah. To me, that's success, you know, being able to finally do that and life comes full circle, especially after all the pain you cause that individual in some cases. Yeah. I bought her a brand new car.

Like no miles on it. That's so cool. It was her first ever. What did you want to be when you were a kid? Did you envision yourself going down a certain path? And what ends up happening that differs from that? I always thought I was just going to be like a mom.

Like I always thought like I was going to marry this rich man in New York. My mom used to always say that. Get you a rich man. Get you a rich man. And she never talked about like working or like doing it yourself or like making the money yourself. Like, no, go get you a rich man. Like, OK. But then now here I am and like I am the rich man. That's funny. Yeah. Do you wish she didn't give you that advice?

Yeah, kind of. Yeah, I kind of wish that. Well, not really. I don't wish anything different. But I just hope that my kids see me as like a strong, independent woman. You know, like you got to work hard. And in the Bible, it says that you need to work hard or like you're not going to have anything, basically. Do you think she was being serious when she was actually telling you to just go find a rich man? Maybe. Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, I think so. I think she just thought, like, she'll be okay because she's cute and, you know, she'll make it. And she always, like, focused on my brothers and stuff because they kind of had to get out there and support their families. But you always knew that you wanted to escape that kind of small town vibes and do something bigger. Yeah, I left when I was 15. Like, I left my household. And my mom had left my stepdad by then. Yeah.

just two years before that. And then I was, by then I had started using and drinking and stuff, just partying with my friends. So then at 15, I dropped out of school and I got a job at a dog food factory and just started like working and paying bills. I was living with these two roommates. It was like a house with three bedrooms and I had one of the rooms. And no one was batting an eye that you're just a teenage girl? Even my boss. He was like, my brother worked there before and he didn't want to hire me.

And then my boss was like, it's like night and day. She's an amazing worker. Like he didn't want me to leave because I ended up leaving when I was 16. They didn't want me to stay because they didn't want me to quit school and all that. But I was like, I'm going to Job Corps. Like I promised the second I turned 16, I'm going to go to Job Corps, which I did because I had to get like finished school.

Oh, you could join Job Corps at 16? 16 to 24. So I went to Chicago Job Corps. And that was really my first taste of like city life. So I was just turned 16. And then I got put in this, well, I didn't get put there. I signed up. I went there and like, you know, there's 24 year olds there.

And I made friends with them, the 20-year-olds, almost all of them. Like, all my friends were 21 and older. And then you'd have to get a pass to go out outside of your, like, the school. And my mom would always say yes, like, no matter what. They'd be calling, like, your daughter wants to leave. Okay. You know, she didn't know. So then I'd just go out on the town in Chicago, and then I finished. I got my GED, and I did this, like, computer programming. Went to college, graduated.

Got my GD. Would you describe yourself as outgoing back then? Like, big personality, energetic, not shy? Yeah, I would say, like, spontaneous. Like, anything that came to my mind, like, I'm doing it now. Like, instant gratification. Like, I didn't want to wait for nothing.

That attitude, do you think it would get yourself in trouble in later years? Oh, yeah. Like big time. Like I really if I were to go backwards, I'd be more like quiet, reserved, maybe like just keep things to myself, you know, not try to. I used to always be like a pick me girl, like just pay attention to me, like hear me, see me. Like, I don't know. That's the only way I know how to describe it. Share with us how you first came into using drugs.

Hmm. I don't. Okay. Well, I think it was just alcohol was my first. And it was it wasn't my first time ever drinking. But for my eighth grade graduation, like we had a kegger and like my parents did that, you know, and we like had a bunch of kids over and we all drink that keg.

But the first time I drank, I'm pretty sure someone just bought me alcohol and I drink it at home. Was that normal for that small town area for the parents to provide kids with alcohol like that? I think so. I mean, there was only certain parents, but yeah. And we used to always just drink and go out in the country and like road load or whatever, throw the bottles at the signs. Were your parents considered like the cool parents? My mom was considered like the cool mom, yeah. And I hated it. I was like, no, I don't want to go there. I don't want to go to our house.

Because I lived in like government housing and everybody knew that it was a government house because they all looked the same. And I was embarrassed by that. But all my friends like didn't care.

Did you wish that, like, your friends knew what was really going on at home and then maybe they wouldn't have thought of her as the cool mom, just like with your stepfather and everything? Yeah, he was gone by then. But, yeah, I kind of do wish that maybe they knew. My mom really, like, partied with us. You know, she'd be kind of in there with us. And she wouldn't drink, but she'd be smoking weed and stuff. She'd go off into her own room and, hey, kids, you don't got any weed? And then she'd go back into hers. Was she a younger mom? No. No.

Not really. I mean, she's in her 60s now. And how old are you now? I'm 40. Oh, so she was young. She had you in the 20s. I was younger, you know, not like a 16 and pregnant type of thing. She was 19 when she had my brother, I think, and 21 when she had me. Okay. Yeah. So I'd say on the younger side. Yeah, for sure. So you go through Job Corps, you complete it, and then you get your GED. Yeah. What happens after that?

Okay, so after that, then I just went back home, back to my little small town. And then I'm bored. I'm like, what's next? What am I going to do with my life? What am I going to do? I have to get a job. I have to support myself now. But I just floated around, just, I don't know, house to house. I don't know how many times I moved. Just moving to different places, living with friends and stuff. And then...

Like around, I moved to Kankakee, but like around 25, I met my son's father and he was a cop. And I had like really turned my life around. I feel like I'm jumping, but I stopped drinking and like went sober for a while. Like I had like five years sobriety when I was sober and then I relapsed.

Because in the same town that I lived, it's like a small town, super small town, Gibson City in Illinois. And there was this doctor. He was like a family doctor, you know, just a regular doctor. And, you know, have you ever heard of MySpace? Yeah, of course. I wasn't bored yesterday. Okay. So he was on MySpace and he was just like, hey, you know, how's it going? And then I'm like, oh, my God, he's a doctor. Like, that's crazy. Yeah.

So then I just started talking to him. We were talking back and forth and he was like a bigger guy, you know, probably not someone I would typically date, but he was a doctor, you know, I'm like, he's really smart, you know, I'm going to go out with him. So I did. And then he ended up being someone that I dated for like seven years, even during the time that I was with him.

Like my son's father, because he was like my sugar daddy. Like he helped me a lot and stuff. The doctor was a sugar daddy. Yeah. Like the very first time he ever like gave me money, it wasn't like I just asked or it was like I would just be like, oh, I really wish I had this. And then he like bought it for me and like sent it to my house. And I'm like, OK. And then I was sick one time, just normal. Like I'm sick. I got a cold. It's a cough. And I was a bartender and I called him like, I'm so sick. Like, can you help me?

He's like, yeah, I'm going to prescribe you a Z-Pak and some meds like go pick it up. So I just do. I just go pick it up. And the Z-Pak is like five days. It's an antibiotic. And then he gave me like a whole bottle of Norco. And I'm like, dang, like, OK, I had heard of it and stuff, but I wasn't I wasn't a user. I didn't take them.

But I did take them and I'm like, what is it? What is this going to be for? And he was like, it doubles as a cough suppressant. Like, OK, but you typically wouldn't take that for a cough. So but I did and I liked it. I started just bottle after bottle, like after that first bottle, I

I asked for another one. I'm like, can you prescribe me another bottle? And this is after you've already been sober for a period of time. Yeah. Like I was sober, but I saw it as it's a prescription, you know, like my name's on the bottle. So it's OK. You know, what do you think triggered you to start using that?

I think it was just that one bottle, you know, like he's like it doubles as a cough suppressant. Like, OK, I did. It worked. You know, I wasn't coughing. My throat wasn't hurting, but I got so much done. Like I cleaned my whole house and I just like organized everything and I just did so much. I'm like, wow, like that was a lot. Like I want to do that again.

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Yeah, I think you don't know until later, you know, that anytime you're using, you're like escaping your traumas and stuff, you know, like you're trying to like numb it out or whatever.

And career-wise, were you thinking about doing anything or were you just riding this wave with having someone that was supporting you financially? Yeah, I was just riding the wave. I was bartending and yeah, he was helping me out a lot. I was getting arrested here and there, like DUIs, like petty charges. And anytime he would get me a lawyer, a really good one. One time I got a DUI, like a bad one where I got into an accident and like,

acquitted of all charges. I was on stand and everything like me and the officer were like going back and forth and I won. Do you think he enabled you for bad behavior? Yeah, absolutely. And I'm not saying it's like all his fault. Like it's definitely my fault too. I have so much fault in it. But you know, I'm here today to be a different person and like just not be like that. How do you shift from a relationship like that to then dating a cop?

I know. That's crazy. I was just bartending again. And he came in and he was at the time he was a jail, like a jail guard. Yeah. And I was dating this cocaine dealer at the time. Like he was a big drug dealer in the area and he went to jail and his he kept coming in and he was like, aren't you that Solis brother's girlfriend? And I'm like, yeah, yeah.

And we ended up dating. And then I broke up with him. So you have like three different guys you're just switching between at this period? No, he was, I mean, Andy was in jail. And then I fully decided to just be with Chris at that time. And that's a cop? Yeah. But then Dr. Nelson, he's, I never slept with him. Like he's impotent. Like for real, in real life, like he can't get it up.

That's why he was my favorite. So it wasn't a sexual relationship? But we went out to dinners and like, you know, like I was just his friend. We were really close. Do you feel like you took advantage? I don't feel like he, yeah. I mean, I feel like he took advantage of his like doctor thing, you know, just being a place of power or whatever.

Like, I'm really big about that, too. I think influencers are the same way. And I never saw myself like that. Like, I still see myself as this, like, scared little girl, you know? Do you think you were attracted to power? Yeah, I think so. For sure. Because that would be a later theme later on once we get into the aspect of the story. For sure. So you start dating the cop. What does he think about, you know, your arrest record? I'm sure he had to have looked it up, right? Yeah.

Yeah, he did. He told me later that he knew that I didn't have my license. Like, when I first met him, I didn't have my license. I was going through this, like, I think it was like a 60-day thing for my DUI, my first DUI that I got. And he was like, I knew. I just didn't want to say anything. Anyway, we ended up dating, being together. We had a kid. We were engaged. Then I left him for no reason at all. Like, anytime somebody was good to me, I'm out of here. Like, I think I just...

craved like the like the chaos like the drama and just like it was too boring and I hate that you know like I really wish I hadn't have done that. Was he hiding you from people like fellow officers or anything or was he proud to have a relationship with you? Yeah he was proud to have a relationship with me. And did he know about your drug use substance abuse?

No, because like up until that point, I hadn't really been like out there like that until later on once like Dr. Nelson got in trouble and then I couldn't get pills anymore. Then that's when I really like went out there. Before it was always just like, you know, I was a kid, you know, just like partying. You know, there wasn't really any point where I was like fully addicted. I was able to just quit no rehab or nothing. Yeah.

Do you think the stability he was offering you in a relationship kind of scared you and forced you to run the other way? Yeah, I think that it was just like, I thought, like, is this it? Like, is this over? Like, is there going to be like more to life? You know, like, what else is there? And then I was just out partying all the time, just doing my own thing, you know, like still going out with Dr. Nelson. And then I would say like, oh, well, I have to, you know, because he gave me money all the time and he knew. So that was something that he knew about. And he was just like,

Okay. But I think that's never something that works. You know, like you can't be in a relationship and then like have a sugar daddy or another relationship. Like that's just never going to work. Do you think if you stayed in that relationship with the cop, your life would have turned out differently? Probably. Everything happens for a reason though. And I'm not like, I definitely wouldn't want to be with him again. Yeah. Do you guys still stay in touch now? No. He hates me. Like he's one of those people that like,

He will spend the rest of his life trying to make my life not happy, you know? Really? We have a 15-year-old son, and he just, like, doesn't want me to have more time. I've been sober for all this time. It sucks. Like, he's going to be 18 in two years, you know? What was it about you that he was attracted to? Did you know that at the time? Yeah, I don't know.

He met me at a bar, you know, bartending. It really is interesting about how the opposites attract. I mean, you were into him because of his authority and power, and he was the total opposite of you. And then you're a bartender who has a criminal record. I know. It's just crazy that the opposites attract like that. People would always say that to me, like my friends, like, oh, my God, you're dating a cop. He came over one time, and my friend was so drunk, and she's like,

po-po po-po I'm like stop how old were you when the relationship broke off 27 and what happens at that period of time I left and I'm just like I'm gonna leave and he said if you leave I will not be with you again like there is no back and forth with me like the second you walk out that door like we're done I'm like okay

And then I left. And where do you go? Oh, after that, it was like during that time frame, I did have my son. Like I took my son and I was just out doing my own thing. I got a place in Bradley and started living there. But I was mostly in Chicago back and forth. I was seeing this new guy up there, which was really why I left. But he wasn't going anywhere. Like I kept trying to push him to like really go somewhere else.

And he just I didn't think that he was ever going to want to like move out of his mom's house. He was like living with his mom. And I really thought like he could be somebody. But I met my biological dad like during this time frame and he lived in Champaign. So I thought, well, I'll go there and meet my dad and maybe this can be like a new beginning and stuff like that.

And I found out at 27 that my dad wasn't my dad. So that's like another thing. That your stepdad wasn't your dad? No, like I had seen my other, like my dad all the time, like every other weekend, summer, stuff like that. Not my stepdad. He's, that's another person. But at 27, my mom calls me up just like out of the blue and she's like,

I got something I want to tell you. Because all that DNA stuff was coming out, you know, and she thought I was going to find out, I think. She was like, your dad's not your dad. And I didn't believe it, but it was true. And then she told the guy, because apparently he didn't know either about me. And then he wanted to meet me. So then we met and we did one of those Walgreens like DNA tests. And he was my dad. So then we decided to have a relationship again.

And he kept my son. I had another son. I got pregnant during that time frame after I left with somebody else. And he kept my son while I was gone. Did meeting your dad kind of help explain who you were?

A little. I always felt like I was somebody else. Like, I would always tell my brother that, like, I really feel like there's another family out there for me. Like, this is can't be my family. But it was a joke. Like, it wasn't. I was not serious. And then it was real. Did you find out why your dad was gone all those years? My mom never told him. She was married to my brother's dad and she cheated with him and got pregnant with me.

Mother like daughter. Do you wish that he knew and was able to raise you? Yeah, I think that my life would have been different for sure. Do you feel like your issues with men and kind of jumping around like to different relationships was because you didn't have that father figure in your life? Yeah, for sure. Just always seeing like the instability and stuff like that.

Why do you think you left the cop relationship for a new guy that you wanted to actually settle down with? It's kind of like you did the opposite. You left the stable guy to go for someone that was unstable who you wanted to get stable. I know. We bought a house and everything. Yeah. It's crazy. And meanwhile, you had the stability. I know. I have no idea. I honestly don't know. It was just like in my brain of like, I don't give a fuck. Like, I don't know. I honestly don't know.

So what happens after this new relationship, the guy that doesn't work out? Okay, so he didn't work out. I just...

I really just didn't want to be with him. Like, I felt like he wasn't going anywhere. But he wanted to be with me still, too. And I ended up going to Champaign. And then I was going to school. I was going to be a nurse. And my dad wanted to put me through that. He was like, that's just, like, something I want to do. I want to put you through school because I wasn't there all those years. And now, like, it's just something that can feel good. So I was like, cool. So I was going to school. And I was just living there. And then I ended up getting pregnant with Isaac. Because I was like, I'm going to be a nurse.

Because, well, I skipped a part. My son ended up going to live with his dad because I was in Chicago and I was in a hotel room and I passed out like drunk. And my son was too when he got up and left the room. I'll probably cry. And he couldn't get back in, you know, because the hotel room's like locked. Well, I was passed out and then he like went downstairs and told the hotel staff somehow like he couldn't really talk.

And then when they ended up finding me, because I was looking for him, and he was down there with them. And then that's when I was drunk, of course. So I went to jail that night, and then he went to his dad's. And that was the cop. There's some tissues right there if you want a tissue. Yeah. Was that, would you say, the first rock-bottom moment in your life? Yeah, that was definitely like...

my rock bottom. But I still thought that like I was going to get through it. Like I'm going to get a lawyer, like I'm going to fight it, you know. I really, I honestly thought that I was going to get through that and that like I was going to win that case. But Illinois is big on like father's rights and stuff. And I did mess up. So what happened? What ends up happening with the case? He ended up going to live with his dad. And I got a DZFS case for for that, for like child neglect.

And, like, I finished it. I did everything I was supposed to do. I never messed up, not one time. I never failed a single drug test, nothing. And I was cleared, like, from my papers and everything. But at that point, he already, like, had the case going in court. Was that a criminal case or was it civil? No, it was civil. Okay. So, like, I did have a criminal case, but I beat that on my own, like, separate. And then—

For the civil case, they didn't care about DCFS and all that. They were just, well, it was still going. We were still going to court. Why do you think that wasn't like your overall wake-up call to turn things around, go on to a different path, maybe even try to make amends with your ex at that point? He wasn't going to make amends with me, but it was like what drove me to just not give a fuck. I just didn't care.

What's something you needed in that moment from someone to help you get on track? I feel like I needed to get into a program, go to rehab or something. I need to stop crying for a minute. No, you're doing great. Yeah, grab some water. Yeah, I definitely needed to just get into a program or something, do anything else, but I wasn't honest. I honestly just wasn't honest with who I was or what I was doing. I never told anybody anything.

Like, I was always very, like, functional, I guess. Like, I wasn't ever, like, knocking on people's doors or, like, on the streets or anything. I always had cars and stuff. Why do you think you couldn't be honest with yourself? I don't know. I think it's just, like, shame, you know? Like, shame and guilt of, like, saying, like, oh, I have a problem. And then with my son, like, I never wanted to tell anybody about that either because it was just so embarrassing. So I'd just, like, try to post pictures with him whenever I could and...

Like I really thought I'd get him back, but I never did. What happens after that? How do you start to spiral? So then like Dr. Nelson got in trouble and I had moved closer to him because Champaign is closer and he always lived in that small town. He never like went to where I was. I always lived like two hours from him.

Which was really why it was so easy to live another life. And then he was I think he knew he had to have known that I was with Chris. But like whenever he got in trouble, the feds came. They wanted to talk to me and I had no idea why. I was just like, I don't I don't know. I didn't do anything like I have no idea what's going on. I've never had the feds want to talk to me before.

But they were like, you're not in trouble. We just want to talk to you. I'm like, OK. So I did. And I guess he had prescribed meds to a bunch of other girls. And I had no idea. Like, I thought I was the only girl, honestly. Like, I thought I was playing him.

No, he was playing me the whole time. He had a bunch of women that he was doing this for, I guess. And one of the girls was 17 and she like overdosed and her parents got him in trouble. So the feds talked to you and do you have to testify or anything? No, I never did. I was like totally on his side, like totally.

He didn't force me to do anything. Like, no, it's always been me. I've literally screamed and cried to that man to prescribe me another bottle. You know, like, I just always kept saying, like, it was me. And they were like, no, it's not because he's in a place of power. So you can't look at it like that. He's the one prescribing it. He has a whatever. I don't even know. Like, he's responsible. And I just...

I was scared to get in trouble, you know, so I didn't want to get myself in trouble. So I just kept

sick enough for him. And was that the end of the did that mark the end of the relationship with him? That marked the end of everything. Like I never heard from the feds again. I never heard from him again. I heard from his lawyer. His lawyer called me and was like, this is his lawyer. And if you do care about him, you need to leave him alone. Don't ever talk to him again. Just don't come looking for him. Don't call him. Just never talk to him again.

And, like, I literally never heard from him again. Do you know what ended up happening to him? No. Oh, you never researched or anything? You didn't care? Yeah, I looked him up and stuff. I never found him. I don't know if he went... Someone said that he went away somewhere, like, some kind of place for doctors and lawyers and people like that. Like a prison camp or something? I don't know. I think, yeah. He lost his medical license, though. What happens after that? So then after that, I...

was sick. Oh my God, was I sick. Like I was just so sick. So I started using heroin and I had no idea how to get it. Like I just didn't know where I would get something like that.

So I just drove to like the first hood like gas station that I could find. And I waited until I saw somebody that I thought would be a drug dealer. And then I just was like asking any random person. And literally my plates on my car said police memorial because I had like the police wife plates. Like just if you support a police officer or whatever. And like some of the people were like, oh, my God, no, that's a fucking cop. And I'm like, I swear I'm not. Yeah.

I ended up finding somebody that took me around the corner. It was like he wasn't the dealer, but he took me around the corner somewhere. And he was like, man, you're crazy. Oh, I don't think this is right. I don't want to do this. I'm going to do it, though. And I gave him the money. And then he went in and came back out with it. And then he was like, here.

I just know I'm, I know this wasn't the right thing to do. I said, no, I swear it's fine. I'm not going to, I'm not getting you in trouble. And then that was it. He left. Why heroin? What attracted you to that? How'd you get that idea? I just knew like it was something that I knew that it was an opiate and like it was going to make me not sick anymore. So I snorted it. Like I never used needles and stuff. I didn't know how.

I actually had tried one time to do it, and I wanted, like, somebody to help me, but the person wouldn't do it for me. Did addiction run in your family? Yeah, it did. Like, a lot of people in my family are addicted. My dad was a—well, not my biological dad, but my dad that I thought was my dad. He was an alcoholic. He relapsed on alcohol. What about your brother?

He's an addict right now. But while you were going through this, did he have any issues with drugs? Yeah. In and out of prison, you know, drugs and stuff. So you didn't necessarily feel like an outcast that you were in that you felt like that was just a part of your life? Yeah. When I would when I first dated Hunter's dad and I was with a cop, like everybody in my life was like, what? Yeah.

Like, it was just crazy. So describe your use of heroin. Are you using it every day at this point? Are you just doing it somewhat? Are you working? Where are you living? Yeah, I wasn't working at the time. I was living in an apartment in Champaign. And up until then, like, Dr. Nelson supported most of my bills and stuff. So I'm just like, you know, had no clue what I was going to do. I was just really just floating. It's just...

Just scheming and stuff, figuring it out. Oh, I was getting paid from college because my dad was paying for my college and I was getting financial aid. So he was giving me the money for the college, but then I was also getting financial aid. And he didn't know? He did know. He wanted me to keep it because he's like, I still want to put you through college. Do you think your dad felt bad about not being around? Yeah, I think that was part of it. Even though he didn't know he even had a daughter? Yeah.

Sometimes I think he knows. Oh, you think he did? Yeah. One time my mom brought me to the fair in Hobson. It's such a small town. And he was like the guy in the food truck. He was the owner of it. And she would bring me there all the time. And like I just think about that later. Like I look just like the man. We got the same face. Like how would he not know that? Like I don't know. But yeah, he says he doesn't know. I believe him, I guess. How long were you using heroin for?

It was about 10 months only. That's how fast it took me. It took you to do what? To go to prison, like to just be done. So walk us through that, what happens over the course of those 10 months. I just, I did heroin every day. I started, at some point I started doing cocaine because I was just so tired and

And I wanted to like wake up. So then I'd like do both. Like I need to wake up and then I do cocaine and then I kind of want to come down some. Then I do heroin or like as soon as I wake up, I do snow be snowballing already. Just kind of floating around. I had my son at that point. So my mom, my mom was really big in my life then. Like we share a lot of.

together when I'm using. And then when I'm not using, we are very distant. Like, I love her, but I'm just not with her all the time, you know? Was your mom trying to get you help or was she another enabler in your life at the time? She was like just kind of, you know, with me, doing it with me. Oh, she was actually using with you? Yeah. And did you wish she was like a supportive mother at that point, looking back on it? Like, do you wish she could have helped get you in check? Yeah, kind of.

I wish I would have done it, you know? Why do you think you weren't strong enough to do it? I don't know. I think that I was in denial, honestly. Like, I just thought that, like, it wasn't a problem. And, like, I'm just going to keep doing it and then keep hiding it. But at some point, it does just take you all the way down. How did you end up getting arrested and sent to prison? Okay, so I started dating this other guy. It always starts with a guy. I know. Yeah.

And he was with... Or he was, like, my dealer. He was, like... He was the dealer. And I had lost my apartment. I got evicted. It was my first ever eviction. And I was just like, what the fuck? I can't believe this is all snowballing. And I started staying in a hotel. Like, just living there. And he was there, too. And he had fully been, like, trapping the place out by then. People weren't, like, knocking on the door. But he would just be leaving and going outside a lot. And then...

He had his friend come stay, like his cousin or his brother or something. But somebody got shot and he was apparently the one that shot him. And he was coming there to hide out. And I just like looked around on the floor at this guy who's laying there. And there's this other guy who has like one leg. And then there's like my boyfriend who left to go do something and he's getting ready to come back. And I just prayed to God like to take addiction from me and like bring me home.

But, like, I feel like I wanted to die. What ends up happening? Well, I went to prison. The cops, like, kicked that door in, like, the next night. And, like, he gave me all the drugs. Like, you know how, like, it's so fast? He's like, take it. And I'm like, fuck. So I just took it and I went in the bathroom right away. And they were, like, messing with them. So I just, like, shoved it inside of me so quick.

And then I had a warrant, so I ended up going to jail because I missed court on this petty theft that I had. And I went to jail, and then I was literally using the drugs inside the jail. So what do you mean you shoved the drugs inside of you? You swallowed them? I put them inside my... Vagina. Yeah. In the bathroom, so you ran into the bathroom. Yeah, it's a hotel room. There's a bathroom, and I had, like, just enough time when they were, like...

And like just to get in there and do it. And that's what he said. Take this. Go put it up your pussy. I'm like, this is happening to me. So the cops never found them that day. They only arrested you because you had a warrant. Yeah. What was the warrant for? It was for theft. I had gotten caught stealing at Walmart. This is so not like me. Like I didn't even need anything at Walmart, you know, like.

I don't even know. But yeah, I got costumed at Walmart. I never got, I was never guilty of that. Like I made a deal. I wanted them to take the theft off because I knew that I was going to need a job and stuff. So I was like, take the theft off and then I'll plead guilty to the drugs. And that's what we did.

Because they ended up finding the drugs in the prison? In the jail. Tell us that story. Okay, so I'm in jail. And I'm booked through and everything. No, I'm not booked. I'm just in the holding cell at this point. And you can stay in the holding cell up to three days. If you know that you're getting bonded out, you can stay there. So that was my plan. Why wouldn't drug dealer boy come get me out? Like, hello, come bond me out. Never bonded me out.

So I'm just like, okay, well, I have all this stuff here. I'm going to be sick. So I just started using it. But really there was a lot of H and then, I mean, not as much H, but a lot of cocaine and like,

I didn't like that, but it was what it was. I was trying to get another girl involved with me. I didn't want to be doing it alone. I was like, I'm going to bring somebody in with me, but she told on me. Oh, she told on you? Yeah. I had them in there for three days, and then she told on me that I had them. And then they were like, come here, come to the door. And I came up there, and they're like, we're going into the other room. We're going to strip search you. I'm like, what?

Why? What's going on? Rumor has it that you have drugs, whatever. I'm like, okay. Well, they found them and they charged me with possession of a controlled substance with intent to deliver in a penal institute. And I'm like, I was not here for that. I didn't come here specifically to sell drugs. But like, I don't know, they thought that's what I was doing. We ended up getting that dropped.

It was just possession. Why did you leave it inside of you for three days? Most people take it out as soon as they get there and they'll stash it up. Yeah, I did. But I was, I had it for three days. Like they didn't catch me for three days. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, I was using it. I took it out immediately and I was just, you know, using. I shouldn't have been using it. So once they charged you, what happens? Do you go to a different prison? Do you get bail? What does that look like?

Well, I was already in there for, like, the warrant and stuff, but then I got my new charge. So then when I went to court, it was like I had to go back to jail. I was only in the county for three weeks. I took my time pretty quick. Like, I was offered that boot camp program, and I'm like, well, my public defender. So by that point, I didn't have a fucking lawyer. Like, I felt like such a piece of shit. I'm like, this is the bottom. So...

No lawyer had a public defender and he's like, if you don't take it now, you won't get it next time. Like if you don't take the boot camp today, because the first offer was eight years, eight years like that is insane. I think they were just trying to make an example out of me.

I ended up taking six with boot camp. So that's like you get to go to the program and then you just do four months and then you get to not do your whole three years. And that's military training. Shave your head, everything. Do you actually make it to boot camp? I never made it. No. Tell us why you'd never made it to boot camp. So I ended up going to prison. I went to Logan Correctional Center and well, you know how I am with guys. Like it always starts with a guy. Yeah.

So I went to prison and then there was this guy and he was...

He kind of had like red cheeks and people were calling him Applehead. And I didn't really know why that was. But I thought, well, that seems like a pretty easy, like somebody that I could go for, like somebody that might go for me too. So I just started talking to him like, hey, like, how's it going? Like, you're pretty cute. I was flirting with him. He was flirting back. Like, that's how it started. Just like little flirty things. And then like there was the one night he came and was like telling me to twirl around and like I

I had like on panties and a bra when he was walking by, which we weren't supposed to do that. And he was like, oh, do a little twirl. So then I did. And then we wrote letters like he would come constantly coming, be coming around the cell. I had only been there for two weeks.

Like two weeks. I couldn't believe how much stuff was happening in such a short time. Like, boom, I'm in jail. Boom, I'm in prison. Boom, now I'm in a laundry room, like having sex with this man. Like I hadn't, I didn't even think it would happen. Like, I was so blown away that like, this was real life. Like, I'm thinking we're in a movie, you know?

So anyway, we're in prison. I'm in prison and we're writing back and forth. And he wants to have sex with me. And I wanted to too, I thought. So we plan, we make the plan. He's like, we're going to do it in the laundry room on this day, whatever. And I'm like, okay. And so...

We're boot campers, so we serve the trays. We do all the work. We are out of our cells a lot because we do the work for all the intake people. And I was out at 4 in the morning to do trays. It was like breakfast trays, and I do all the trays. And then the girl that was helping me, she goes back, and then me and him went down to the laundry room. There's no cameras. Oh, that's what he said. You know, I didn't know.

And I just like started shaking, like my whole body just like locked up on me. And like, I don't know if that's from like sobriety, you know, sober. So I just started like shaking, like I couldn't do it. I thought we were going to get caught. Like, I just didn't want to do it. So I ran back to my cell and just was like, I'm not going to do this. Like, so what? Right. Like, it's not that big of a deal. Well, he came back up there and was like, you're going to finish what you started. And I'm like,

But then at that point, I felt like I really wanted to, like, I guess, like, make him happy. I don't know. Like, just get it over with type shit. Like, just do it. Get it over with and forget about it. So I did. I went back down there and we did it. And he, like, kissed me at the end and was like, good girl. And then I went back upstairs and I reported it the next day.

He did midnight shift so like the next morning when I knew like he was not there, I reported it to the nurse. But I did it in like a hypothetical way. I was like, "So what would happen if an officer had sex with an inmate? Like what would happen?" And then I guess like that comment she was like, she sent me to IA and made me tell them what happened.

What was your initial plan for this card? Like, was it just supposed to be a one-time thing? Did you want to use it to your advantage? Like, your initial thoughts.

I know you changed your mind before it actually happened, but what was that initial thought process? No, I totally get it because so many people think that I was either trying to sue or trying to get something from them. I think one girl had said that I was trying to get stuff, stuff from the outside, whatever. I'm not sure what, but I was a boot camper, so there was no reason.

no reason for me to have anything. I wasn't even getting a full commissary list. I was just getting a very small list of things that I could buy because we weren't going to be there very long. We were just there until our bed opened up at boot camp. So I really had no intentions other than to say that I did this. This is something that I did. Could you imagine? Who the hell has sex with

COs when they're in prison. Like that's such a random crazy thing. Like I never even thought like honestly I felt like this is a movie. This is a dream. This is not real.

But it happens all the time there. Like you've I found out later when I went to Decatur, like every time it happens, the girls get shipped in on a bus by themselves. And then we always know, like, it's supposed to be a secret. Nobody's supposed to know. Everybody knows. And you're labeled the entire time you're there as a hoe.

So did this particular guard have any relationships with other women? Did you know, like when other women in the cells are seeing, you know, you have some type of relationship with this guy because everyone notices things. Are they giving you advice? Are they saying, hey, watch out for that guy? No, not really. There was one girl in the cell with me and she came from my county. So she a little bit was telling me like not to do it. She was like, girl, no.

don't do that. Like, please, you're going to get us in trouble. We're not going to get to go to boot camp. I'm like, you ain't got nothing to do with it. This is me. She ended up not going to boot camp either. Why do you think your mind changed? I know you said you were nervous too, but did you see something like overall in your mind? Did you're like, this isn't me? Like, what was that? Honestly, God, I don't know. Like, I think it was just God. Like, I can't, I can't explain it. I think it was sobriety, just being sober, you know?

If you didn't have sex with him, what did you think was going to happen? I think that he would make my the time that I was there hard, maybe like just like make it more difficult. Like, I'm not really sure. You don't know, you know, it's like the fear of the unknown. So I really didn't know. Why do you think he was into it? Did you get to learn about, you know, if he had done this before or anything like that?

Why do I think he was into... Into pursuing you. I mean, he's a guard. He's an authority figure. You know, he's got to know. He's not allowed to do this. This is illegal. Yeah, I have no idea. I'm thinking, like, he must have done it before, you know? Like, he had to have known. Can I take this? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I feel like he's done it before and like never had been caught. The keys that that specific officer had never done it with someone before that I know of. But there was so many other situations with other people. Like there was a girl that came because it was a counselor and he was giving her phone calls to see her kids or to call her kids like extra phone calls and stuff. And that's a big thing for him. You know.

Did you ever see him again after that night or did they remove him from the unit right away after you reported it? Yeah, I heard that they like removed him and like they walked they walked him. You know, a lot of people like the inmates and stuff told me like Apple had got walked. Apple had got walked. And I'm like, you know, like just putting my head down like I probably already know that.

Yeah. I'm not sure if you know this, but a similar situation happened to me in prison, but with a male guard. And it didn't get as far as it got with you, but he touched me. Really? Yeah, yeah. He was rubbing my elbows. Is he gay? I guess so. I mean, we think that he was into young people because of how I looked. And I was 22, you know, and this was at the camp. And he did it to me in the bakery. And it was the same thing, you know, like transvestites.

Yeah.

It does. And it's always the it's never the inmate's fault, even because they can't give consent. Yeah. So even if you were totally fine with everything that was happening, that officer would still be in the wrong. My lawyer said that even if I hadn't ran and like said, I don't want to do this, even if we just did it. And I was so happy. And thank you so much. I love this. It still is rape.

And like, I don't know, I just had a hard time with saying the word rape. Like, well, no, he didn't rape me. I kept saying like, and my lawyers like, you got to stop saying that. Like, just take it out of your head. Stop saying that because you're going to let us talk. We're the lawyers. We know what we're doing. I'm like, okay, like, that's fine. But I'm just saying like, he didn't.

Like hold me down and like rape me like this is how it happened. I want you to know how it happened. And they were like, yeah, that's fine. This is this is rape. OK, I'm not the one that wants to say that, though. Do you feel like the prison system handled the situation correctly in that moment when you reported it?

No. So I reported it and the lady that I reported to was so nice. She was like, you know, I'm so sorry that happened to you. He raped you because there was a time where he was like, get on your knees and like, tell me what to do. And when I was telling the story, it wasn't a mean get on your knees. It was a very nice get on your knees. You know, it wasn't like.

Anyway, she was telling me like, no, that's unacceptable. That can't happen. So then when they reported it to IA, they wouldn't let me like tell the actual report until like this other guy came. Like he had to come from his house or something. And he was like pissed. Like as soon as he came, it was like late. I think it was like six o'clock after work hours or whatever. And he's like just mad that he had to be there. He was like.

Like I had to come all the way from home and miss dinner with my family for this. And I'm like, I can know what's going on, you know.

But I had to tell the story again to him. So I did. And then he's like, he had the like kit because they did a rape kit by that point. And he had the box in front of him of everything that they like packed away and put in the box. And he was like slapping the box. And he was like, if this box doesn't have his DNA in there, you're going to get more time. You're going to get in trouble for lying. And I'm like.

I can't afford to get more time, you know? So I just was like, I'm already fucking here anyway. You know, like nothing's going to, what's the worst that can happen? So I'm just like, okay, I did it. You know, I did do it. Yeah, I did it. I just don't want it to happen again. So he's like, so, so you did do it. Yeah, I did it. So then he's like writing it all down. Like my whole statement, he's writing it down with his hand. And then like the whole statement he writes and then he hands it to me and was like, sign this.

So I signed it, you know, like I was supposed to not sign it. And then they took my boot camp. They said that I wasn't mentally stable enough to go. And that triggered you going to fulfill the whole prison sentence? Yeah. And how much time was that that you had to do? I had to do a full three years.

Off of that, that was the six-year sentence, so you just do half in Illinois? Yeah. Okay. Did you know at the time you only had to do half? Yeah. So as soon as that happens, they take away the boot camp. Did you have to go to court for that, or is that just the prison's decision, the Department of Corrections? Yeah. And do they send you to a new facility? Then I went to Decatur, which is like the minimum security. There's only two prisons in Illinois. There's Decatur, Logan, well, there's three, and then there's the Work Release Center. Okay.

Now, you couldn't have gotten a lawyer or anything in that moment to help fix that? I feel like I probably could have, but I just didn't know how. Like, you know, I really was in there by myself. I mean, I had my dad, but he had my son, you know, like he was giving me like a hundred bucks a month. Like that was like the max he could do. I didn't even want to like bug him, you know, I was just like so grateful that he had my child and stuff.

He did find the lawyer for me to, like, start the lawsuit and everything. I had a bunch of lawyers, different lawyers. Do you feel like the prison system retaliated against you for reporting? They did, yeah. The next prison that I went to, I was in seg for a whole nother situation with another officer. And, like, I, like, swear to God on, like, everything. I never even knew this man. Like, I'd never seen him. He was on vacation. I was working in the kitchen. And...

They just randomly came and got me. I was like, you're going to SAG. And I'm like, what did I do? I went to SAG all the time. The first maybe like eight months in Decatur, I was in and out of segregation just all the time. Everybody knew my name because I was the troublemaker. I wasn't even doing anything. I brought a cord to somebody's room, and I'm just like, here. And she's like, Ferris! And I got a major ticket for trading and trafficking.

For letting somebody borrow my things? That is ridiculous. But that's not a major infraction. That's just a minor thing, you know. But anyway, they just always picked on me. I was in segregation for, they thought that I, I guess there was rumors that somebody from the kitchen was having sex with the officer there.

And they thought it was me. Because of your past record. Yeah. It's all in the file. So they put me in seg. And they were like, well, you just have to stay there until the investigation's done. And if you didn't do anything, you'll be out. Okay. Which I was out. Like, I got cleared of everything. And they let me out. And she kept coming down there, the lady, the IA lady. And she's like, Ferris, you just got to tell me the truth. Just tell me. If you tell me, I'll let you out right now.

And I just kept holding to it. She came down every day for like 10 days, I think, trying to get me to tell. And I'm like, there's nothing. And then she came back and was like, you're right. He was on vacation the whole time you worked in the kitchen.

Yeah, but that doesn't take back the days that I just did in segregation, you know, going fucking crazy with nothing. Describe for us women's segregation. We hear a lot of, you know, what the shoe solitaire is like for men. What was it like from a woman's perspective? You go to, like, a different part of the prison, and it's like—I don't know if this is just in your head, but it's, like, darker. And—

There's you don't have nothing right. They take all your stuff, your whole box of commissary and whatever you have. All you can have is like your toothbrush, your soap. I think one book and like that's it. Like your your regular stuff that they give you, like your bed and stuff. Matt, you're Matt.

And then that's it. You just stay there and wait for your meals. You don't get no commissary. You can't use the phone. Oh, and you take showers only like once every three days. They take you out to do the shower and like they handcuff you inside the cell and then they like walk you out to the shower and then they put you in the shower and they handcuff you in the shower and then walk you back to your cell. How small is the cell?

It's pretty small. It's like, I don't know, maybe like five by eight. And did you have a cellmate at all? No, not in SAG. You're by yourself. Okay. There's people like next to you and you can kind of hear who's in there. And it's a small area. So, you know, you'd know too, like who's sometimes who's in there. So you'll be like chatting with them or whatever. What would you do to pass the time in SAG?

Chat, I dated girls. In prison you dated girls? Yeah. I said that right away. I'm getting a girlfriend. If I have to serve any significant amount of time, I am absolutely getting a girlfriend because why not? I needed that. I don't know. Just like that.

feeling of like having somebody that cares about you, you know? Describe for us what a relationship is like in prison. There's no sex or nothing. So it's not like I think people do have sex, but I mean,

I don't know how. Like, you get in trouble. It's so frowned upon. Like, you're not supposed to be together. If they find out or hear any type of rumor that you're dating somebody, they'll move you. They'll move you from where you're at to a whole other side of the prison because they don't want you to be with that girl. Like, they're trying to constantly separate relationships. That's how the whole, my whole stay was. Like, just...

catty girls dating each other and only fights you ever see are because of girls dating girls and cheating and stuff like it's never about like anything else so if there's no sex what's the purpose of the relationship like what are you guys doing I think we would like meet up at the gym and like write kites and stuff like letters like love letters so they're more like friendships than if it's not intimate yeah I think so like I guess like labeled friendships like you guys have a name on it yeah

Tell us about a memorable fight you witnessed with some of these women. I never hardly saw a fight. Just like no fights in women's prison. I don't know why, but...

There was one fight that I saw, and it was in the chow room. The girl was, like, leaving with her tray. Like, she had just grabbed her tray, so the food was still on it and everything. It wasn't an empty tray. It was a full tray. And then she saw her, the other girl walking by, and she just, bam, started whacking her with the tray. But they get broke up so fast. Like, you'll be surprised how fast it gets broken up. Like, nobody has time to fight. Like, they just...

So fast, separated. Nobody gets to fight. Were you ever afraid for your life in there? No, it felt very dorm style. Prison calmed me down, though. Prison did a lot for me. It really taught me patience, how to be calm and just not a pick-me-girl. I'm so like, don't want to be seen now. I don't know, quiet. I still like trauma dump on people, but I'm really trying to stop doing that.

It's like it taught me to be like less like loud. Like I was so loud. Like when I got to Logan, like I don't know if I thought it was a thug or what, but I was just so loud. Like I tried to be loud. I wanted I thought maybe people would be just think that I was going to be crazy if I was loud. I don't know. But you start to realize that the quieter you are, the better your time is like.

You just don't want to be noticed. Was prison what you expected it to be? No. I had my kids on my unit in my bed eating my snacks. Oh, your kids were able to come. Watching my TV. My dad would drop them off and they would stay for like six to eight hours. And I'd be just like watching my own kids on the unit. It was a special unit.

And this happened later. Like after I started getting lawyers and stuff involved and they were visiting me back and forth, my life changed in there. Like you would have thought I was a celebrity in prison. Like they were like, Ferris, Ferris.

We would love to have you on Ewing. We keep seeing that your kids are coming all the time. My kids came every week and they'd stay for a long time. And Ewing was like the special unit where like if you were pregnant already, you could like have your baby and then keep the baby for two years, up to two years on the unit. And they had like...

a whole nursery, daycare workers. They were inmates. Everybody that worked was an inmate. So if you didn't want to have another inmate as your babysitter, then you wouldn't be in the program. You just wouldn't have your baby there. But then they had the other program, which was the reunification program, and that's the one that they wanted me to be in. If your kids came at least one time a week,

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you know because they didn't want to scare the kids so it's like kind of normal looking do you feel like you started to get special treatment because you got lawyers involved with the case like the prison system looked at you differently oh absolutely like i feel like they're like oh we've been harassing her all this time and now she's got a lawyer involved like let's make it a little better for her so then i went to this unit

I was seeing my kids for a while. I did that for like six months. And then I went to work release. And that was another crazy thing. Like they came and was like, you should go to work release. That would be so good for you. And I really thought it was about getting me out of the prison. Like, oh, just get rid of her. We don't want her in here. She's suing us now. And like all this stuff is going on. Just get her out of here. So I was happy. Like, good. Get me out of here. Yeah, I've noticed that in the prison system. Like when someone actually wins a lawsuit, like especially guys that I've talked to that are the jailhouse lawyers that actually win.

Because it's so hard to win against the prison systems. But when you do win or you're successful in it, they look at it differently. I know they definitely backed off me my last few months in the sentence when I was escalating the whole harassment thing with the guard. Yeah. And they definitely turn a blind eye to things. Did you ever get a lawyer or no? I talked to my lawyer when I got. So what happened was I had to go through the in the federal system. You have to file all internally. Yeah.

Yeah. Before you can even file a lawsuit. So did I. So I did all the internal stuff and they were just dragging it out. And then when I got it, I even wrote to my judge and my judge ordered the AUSA to investigate it. And the thing is there was no cameras. It's my word against his word. Yeah. They are only interviewing other individuals.

inmates. I know they removed him from the compound. Who else would they interview? Yeah, they removed him from the compound right away. And I talked to my lawyer and he just said, you know, it's his word against yours. Not much evidence. But a couple of years later, someone messaged me on Instagram that saw me tell that story online. And they just said, hey, was it so and so? And I was like, yeah. He's like, yeah, he's been accused of that before. So

So if I went through the whole investigation of trying to find all the other accusations, we might have had something. Yeah, because if there's multiple people, then there probably has to be something. I knew something about that. I filed a grievance, but I didn't go through the whole process. And that was the biggest thing that was going to maybe screw me in my case because they were saying, well, she was supposed to do this in prison first, which I didn't. I just filed a grievance. And then when the grievance came back,

whatever you know how you have to put like what do you want and then if they can give you that then you can't sue right so I was like um I want them to send me to boot camp right now and then I'll do the four months even after I had been there already for a few months that's fine I'll just send me now like I'll do my four months and leave and then they send it back saying like unable to transfer so I'm like okay so then I tried to appeal it but I didn't do it right like I

I feel like I dropped it in the mail, but then, like, I just never heard nothing. And I'm like, well, what did they do with it? Like, I put it in the box. Then you got it. It never made it to Springfield. Like, I'm not an idiot.

Like if they think they're so great, like we would never do that. Like, yes, you would. They would take it out and just not send it. Like I know they would. They're shady as fuck. Were there guards that tried you again after knowing that you had slept with a guard before? Yes. There were guards. And I thought like there was a lot of officers, male officers, especially the male officers that were known for it because like everybody just knew. Yeah.

They would say they with a 10 foot pole wouldn't come near me. And like I knew why. And I was like fine with that. You know, like I don't want anybody to notice me. Leave me the fuck alone. But there was this officer I was working on the shower crew and it was he had the same name.

It's like the people called him Red whatever, but like people, his name was Mr. K. It was like Officer Coleris. So everyone called him Mr. K or like Applehead. But this other guy, his name was Mr. K too. It was so weird. But I was on the shower crew. It was a midnight shift. So like in the middle of the night, we walked to all the showers and like cleaned the showers. And yeah, he was hitting on me. Like he was going. Like if I said, let's go in one of these showers right now, he was going. Like I never did.

He was definitely going. When I was leaving to go to work release, he like winked at me and was like,

You know, holler at me or whatever. Like, I hope we can see each other again. Like, I really didn't know what he was exactly saying, but there was some kind of like, you know, I'm going to miss you vibes going on. I mean, the audacity of someone to know you're you've already you're in an investigation based on the same thing with someone else to even try you like that. I know. That's crazy. I don't think he specifically knew like what was going on, you know, like people all knew about it, but they just thought like,

She had sex with an officer. Like, nobody really knew, like, exactly what was going down or what was, you know, on the paperwork or what I was talking about. Like...

I think if he knew about it, he just thought like, yeah, she came here because she had sex with an officer. So he probably didn't know that I like told and everything. So maybe that was his reason for thinking I was going, you know. Share with us some of the creative things women make in prison to kind of have their needs met in regards to anything. I just thought about me like saying his name and then like, he's just really is going to be out there. I don't think it matters, though. It's the truth. Yeah.

I'm sorry. Share with us what are some creative things that women would make and do to kind of satisfy needs that they would have on the outside? Like sometimes they would make a hair straightener or any type of product that they needed. Everything was like against rules, but, you know, we still did it. Like we would geek our hot pot out.

And I would sting noodles. Like, I would put the paper clips inside the extension cord and then, like, put it in the outlet. And then we would geek our noodles. I had the whole unit electricity turned off, all of it, because I guess, I don't know, I tripped the breaker or something. And then they were, like, yelling on the unit, like, who did it?

It was my first time ever, like, trying to do it. I just wanted some hot noodles, you know. But there's not really too many things. I don't know. We used to alter our clothes. That was a big thing for us. Like, we would make our clothes smaller.

like when you went to go get your uniforms or whatever your outfits they wanted to put you in the biggest ones like they didn't want to give you like the size that fit you they wanted to put you in big ones but you know we wanted clothes tight like skin tight and they were like no you need to have some little bit of baggy to them so we would sew them like cut them and like sew them up to make them tighter or like our clothes on the unit we would try to like

Cut them, make them crop tops and stuff. Tell us that process of the stinger, how you make that. How we do it? Yeah. You put the paper clips inside the...

thing on the outlet, and then you can plug the... Oh, yeah, that's what you do. You plug it in, and then you take the little stingers and you stick it in the water like this. So you're finding an extension cord from where? You can buy it. Oh, you can buy the extension cord. Yeah, on commissary. But then you're stripping the extension cord? Like, cutting it? I don't know. That's how I remember. You just take the paper clips and just stick it right in those two holes on the extension cord, and then you plug it in, and then it's going to make the... It's going to...

Do it. And the paper club was big enough to just put it in the water? Yeah. For sure. There was this girl that did it all the time, and I'd pay her to make mine because after that I was so afraid to get the lights to go off again like that. Because it would short circuit. Yeah. It was so easy to get in trouble there. Like you could do nothing, and they're putting you in segregation. But really looking back...

Like you're in prison, like just sit the fuck down and watch TV. Like should I have been geeky noodles, you know, and like doing the most? You just want time to go by, you know, like you're bored and you just want time to go. I don't know. What was your mindset for getting out? Did you want a new life? Did you want to change or did you want to go back to what you were doing? I definitely wanted a new life. Like I was just I wanted a whole new life.

I wanted to do something different. I was really good about changing things around and just being a whole different person. But then I struggled with, like, identity. You know, just, like, who am I? What am I here for? What's my purpose? Did you have those answers upon getting out, or is that something you needed to further search for? Yeah, I found God in prison. Like, I really just got a really close relationship with the Lord, and I think that a lot of, like, what's happened to me is, like,

all him, you know, like there's no denial, like no doubt that like it's definitely him. And then to see or like hear other people's stories of like how God like finds people that are like so low and like down and then like changes their life so that he can show like, hey, I'm real. And I really think that I was one of those people. Did you have any cravings for drugs or alcohol while you're in prison? Oh, yeah. Like we made hoot and stuff.

I never specifically made it. Like, I never knew how to do anything. I was, like, always the person that would just, like, try to pay for stuff. I was also doing, like, pen pal stuff. Like, you know, you got to survive in prison. So my parents didn't give me money. My dad gave me, like, $100 a month, which...

It's really not a lot. Like that's just barely your personals. Like if you want to buy a TV, $300. Like you got to have a TV. You're there for a long time. The little mattress things like to put on your bed to make it more comfortable, that's like $100. You buy those at the store for like $20. Like that's ridiculous. And the TV too. It was like this big.

$30. They're making us pay $300. Okay, but anyway, I was doing like the pen pal thing, like where I sent a picture into like the write a prisoner. And then I just had all these people writing me all the time. Is it mostly men that write you? And then I'd write them back and I'd, you know, try to get a relationship, you know, going. And then I wouldn't, I wouldn't ask for money. I would just tell them like,

What was going... I think they know, you know. They know that they're signing up to take care of somebody in prison, most of them. What type of men are these? Are these people with, you know, like, baggage? Did they have a loss in their family? Are they divorced? Are they just losers? Yeah, I know, right? Like, well, one of the guys was from Canada. So I thought that was weird. Like, he was all the way from Canada. So I wouldn't have been able to go there, right? Like, because I'm a felon. So he'd have to come here. But...

Yeah, I don't even know. I had met a couple of them. Like there was one guy that came to visit me once. And then there was another guy that visited me on the video thing. And the one guy was like in a trailer, I thought. Like I just thought like, oh my God, how is he going to give me money? He's in a trailer. He needs it, you know? Did you actually come to like any of these individuals or...

Sort of. Like, I really enjoyed just getting the letters and having somebody talk to me. And, you know, like, when you're in prison, you're going to get a letter and read it no matter who it's from. Like, it didn't matter. So, yeah, I enjoyed writing people. But I knew that I had to stop. Like, I knew once I started inching towards work release that, like, I was going to have to stop. And I was going to have to tell these people the truth. Like, I'm not going to be able to be with you one day.

But the one guy was getting so serious, he was going to sell his house, buy a camper, and park it across the street from the prison and live there until I got out. He was going to wait for me. He didn't want to miss me getting out because he said that it happened to him before where somebody got out and then she never talked to him again. And I was like, oh, yeah, I really got to tell him because that is scary.

It's interesting how, like, it's kind of similar to dating apps on the outside world from a survival instinct where people in prison, men and women, are doing the right of pen pal or if they have contraband phones and they're on dating apps just using to get ahead to better their situation. And outside people do that, too, getting dinners from people going out around. Wait, do they? No, they don't. People do that. Maybe. I bet you if you asked 15 people, line them up that are on a dating app, there'd be a couple of there that say they only do it to—

get a meal or, you know, do something. Because the guy pays? Yeah, or it could be vice versa, you know, if there's guys looking for that woman, like a sugar mom or, you know, a sugar dad or whatever, anything like that. It does happen. I see those clips all the time about them talking about it. So people want to use that for stability and for survival. Yeah.

So what happens during work, really? Where do you get a job at? What was that like? I first started working at Denny's. I was a waitress. And I loved it there. I'm such a good server. Like, I just love talking to people and mingling with people and stuff like that. I love making money, like tip money. And I started dating this other guy there. And we're married today now, but...

I started dating him and then I got in trouble at the work release like because I got pregnant and then I had to tell them that I was pregnant. I had to go to the doctor and I had to like do stuff and I thought oh my god I'm gonna get sent back but there was this other girl that had gotten pregnant and she stayed so I was like it's a good chance that I'll stay because I don't think they want me back at those at that other prison and I don't think I can go to Logan anymore like I just don't think I'm allowed.

So, yeah, I stayed. I was in trouble and I had to leave my job. But then I ended up getting another job at Buffalo Wild Wings. So you meet this guy, Denny. What does he think about you? Are you telling him, hey, I just got out of prison. I got this potential lawsuit happening, all of this stuff going on. He knew I was in prison, right, because he was working there too and he –

He sometimes would, like, call the center and stuff, like, if we were going to be late or whatever. And the restaurant was right across the street from the work release center. So it was, like, there wasn't much you could do. But I was just – I'd walk, you know. I was on a home pass. Like, you could go home at that point. You could work up your –

do good and just work up your good time, and then you get to take weekend passes. So I got pregnant at home. So there wasn't really—that's what they said, that there was nothing much they could do because I was at home and I was an adult. Why was this the man you finally decided to marry? And it just happened to be the first one out of prison, too. I know. God, honestly, I don't know. Like, it was just my time, you know, like—

I just, that was the thing that God always told me, like, just sit down for a while, you know, like, I will provide, like, just stop. But I couldn't, like, I couldn't, I just, I guess I couldn't just be bored. I'm not really sure what it was, why I was so fast and live in such a fast life. But then I started, like, if we had a problem or an issue, like, I would just stick through it, you know, and, like, I wasn't drinking at that point. I was drinking sometimes, like, I would...

When I first got out, I would drink too. And I would think, well, as long as it's not heroin, you know, like I can drink. And I consider myself Cali sober. Like I still smoke and stuff. Like I use THC vapes and stuff like that. But I was drinking, right? And then sometimes God talks to me. I don't know if that's weird or not. But like God literally told me like just like quit, quit drinking and like,

You don't need to go anywhere. Like, just stay. So then I just started staying home and being with my husband. We went through a lot of trials and tribulations. Like, just raising the kids, you know, living and paying your bills. Like, it's just a normal thing, but you go through a lot. Like...

Maybe you couldn't provide everything for Christmas that year, so you got help from a family member. That's so hard, but you do it, right? And I stayed instead of going out and finding ways to get money or things we could do. No, you stay. You stick it out, and you work through your problems. So that's what I did. How was your relationship with your mom after getting out of prison? It's really strained. Yeah.

It's like my mom's an addict still, but she won't admit that. Like she won't. She just keeps on wanting to hide it. Like nobody knows. Like, you know, she doesn't want nobody to know. But it's so obvious. Like I don't think it's something that you shouldn't say. Like I think you should say it and just be open, honest, and then work through it, you know. So it's very strained. I did buy my mom a car once.

When I first won the lawsuit. So we settled in a settlement and they it was like a back and forth. Like we started with one number and then we kind of like went up, down, up, down. And we ended up settling at three point three million dollars.

And my lawyers took 40%. Plus, I had to pay, like, this loan that I had took out. Oh, yeah, I had taken this loan out against the lawsuit, which was, like, another, like, small, like, little prayer that was, like, answered where, like, I had to, like, get through. And then, like, I took the loan out. And then...

It was like two years later that the loan or that the lawsuit ended. And then I had to pay that back too. So I ended up walking away with $1.7 million. How old were you when you got out of prison? I was...

32. And then how long did it take for the lawsuit to get settled? Eight years. So you were... I'm 40. And it was another eight years after getting out or it started the process while you were in? I started while I was in. Yeah. So you got it a couple of years ago? 2024. Okay. So last...

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Sign up for your $1 per month trial at Shopify.com slash special offer. So you were able to settle and get the money? Now I flip houses. Okay. So when you got that settlement and now you're in the career you do now,

Do you feel like that that happened for a specific reason? Like, you were sent to that specific prison, that incident happened, you went through all of that, and you won that money? Yeah, I absolutely do. I feel like that was my thing that I had to do for my life, for my family, for whatever. Like, it's just, like, in the Bible, how, like...

See, now I can't even think of it. The guy that went to prison. Like when he went to prison, but he didn't do it. And he had to stay in prison for all that time. But he was still faithful to God. And like that's kind of like what happened to me. I was just, I stayed faithful to God. And I kept praying to God about, you know, just like my life. I never even knew what to pray. I would just pray like anything.

Pray to, like, guide me, lead me, teach me, and just, like, show me the way, like, all the time. And I really truly believed, you know. Like, I mean, of course I still do. But, yeah, I truly do believe that, like, God provided. Like, that was what that was for. Like, he's like, if you sit down for a while and, like, do good for your husband. I've never cheated on my husband. Like, that is so, like, I honor that so much. And, like, normal people would be like, so what? Like, you don't cheat on your husband. Yeah.

Big deal. Like, but I just honor it so much. Like, I'm so in love and happy. And I just, like, I'm just happy. I don't know. Well, because you compare it to how you were in the past, too. Yeah. Like, it was always crazy. Life was just crazy, you know? Do you feel guilty about winning that money? No. I never feel guilty about winning the money. There's been, like, people that have said that to me sometimes. Like, they've said, like,

It was like my friend said, do you ever feel like you just don't deserve it? And I'm like, fuck no. There's like no part of me that thinks I don't deserve it. Like I definitely know that I deserved it. It should have happened a long time ago, but it didn't. There was a girl that had won for $19 million right before me, but she went all the way to trial and like fought through the case. And her case ended with $19 million. And then there's another girl that I know who,

That it was an inmate that did something to her and she had the same lawyers as me and her case ended before mine, too. But my thing happened after hers and hers ended with four million. So I'm like, OK, maybe I should go to trial, too, and just go all the way to trial.

But it was going to take so long. Like once you win the trial, like the girl for the $19 million, she still hasn't seen anything yet. And it's been all these years, you know. So I really felt like I just made the right decision of settling and, you know, getting the money pretty quick, like 60 days later after I settled, like the money came. Did you have a plan if you didn't win any money? Like what was your plans after prison?

Um, when I first started the case, I used to tell the lawyers because I had no idea that this was like a million, multi-million thing. I had no idea. I was like, I just want to prove, like, I want to tell my story. I want to get up there and like tell the whole thing. And like, I want someone to take responsibility. I don't care if it's a dollar. Like, I just want to know that I won this fucking case because the IA lady,

got like this close to my face. And she was like... Because I was like, I'm going to get out of here and sue you guys for harassing me all this time. And she got like so close to my face. And she was like, you think you're the first person to threaten to sue me? You're not. And I'm just like, it's fine. But I just couldn't wait to checkmate her, you know? I knew I was right. I wanted to win. So I didn't even care if it was a dollar. But then after some time, I really thought...

Even if I could just buy a house, I'll be happy. But yeah, if it wasn't going to work out, I was going to do, I don't know, social media, just be with my kids. I was a manager at Buffalo Wild Wings, and then I ended up leaving during the pandemic.

to do social media. So you were at Buffalo Outlooks for a while, a few years? Yeah. And then my boyfriend, well, he's my husband now, he ended up coming there after I got out, and then he was working there at a different location. What does he think about the settlement, you going on social media, everything about your past, you know? He's so quiet.

He's such a quiet man. He doesn't want no attention on him. He hates attention. He hates social media. He hates all that. He likes it. I do. He doesn't care. But he doesn't want, typically, to be no part of it. Sometimes he's on there, but he just doesn't get into all that. He's just really quiet. And then with the prison and all that,

I think that he would have never been with me before this if it wasn't for like just being able to know me and like hear me and like talk to me and stuff, you know. And he really didn't know about the lawsuit until after we were together. Was it hard for you to get close with his family because of your past? Not really. Not really close with his family because of my past, but because of social media. Why did you decide to go on social media and start sharing?

I have a son, and at that time he was like 12-ish, 12 or 13, and he was on TikTok. And he was doing stuff on there, and I just really wanted to watch him and see what he was doing, you know? Because everybody was like, get on there with my son. And I'm like, no, it's for kids. I'm not going to do that.

But then I did. And then like two weeks later, we went viral. Like two weeks. Like everything is two weeks, right, for me? We went viral. And I'm like, okay, that was pretty quick. Like I'm going to keep going. So then I just kept making little videos here and there. Then I started talking about my case again.

you know, with, I was fighting for like more time with my son. I had never gotten him back. Um, but I wanted at least like my biological father was the supervisor. So he had to be there for every single visit. And that just got so old. Like, did I care that he was there? No, but like, I want to be alone with my son and he wouldn't like go against it. Like he wouldn't be like, okay, he's here, but I'm going to go home now. Like he wouldn't lie. Um,

So I ended up getting the supervisor taken off and all that in court. But I would talk about it on social media. And that's what started my page is social.

I was fighting this case against the cop for to see my son. So I have like a lot of recovering addicts and like people fighting for their kids and like people going through DCFS cases and stuff like that. People that maybe have been to prison addiction. Did it help you discover your identity and even feel better about your situation? Seeing all these other people with similar stories sharing with you and building community? Oh, yeah, for sure.

There's a whole bunch of people out there. I used to hide. I wouldn't even go on Facebook and share stuff. I just wouldn't. What mother doesn't have their kids? It's just not a thing.

But on TikTok, there was like so many people like sharing their pictures and like, you know, them when they were like this big and then like what they look like now. And I'm like, oh, that's so cool. So I started doing that. I did like transitional videos of like me when I was like super skinny and then like me now and just all kinds of stuff. But then he ended up getting to where I couldn't talk about him in the court case. Like I got more time with my son. I got...

The supervisor taken off. I didn't get full custody, but I probably could fight. But he's 15 now, you know. And then he got it put in the court document, like, that I'm not allowed to talk about him or my son on my TikTok. I can talk about him on other places, other platforms, but specifically TikTok because I make money there. How is your relationship with your son now? It's good. My son is—he's 15, so—

He's really just grown into, like, his own self now. And I think he sees a lot of, like, the real now, like, because he knows the world. So he sees that, like, okay, like, you're not scary. Like, I think for a long time he was scared, like, scared that, like, something was going to happen or, like, I wasn't safe. And that's all, like, his dad telling him that stuff.

But now he sees it for himself and he's like, okay, it's not all you. A lot of it is just his dad talking shit and stuff like that. Do you think he forgives you for not being there? I do. Yeah, I think he forgives me. He tells me all the time that he loves me and doesn't want me to quit social media because I tell him all the time that I should quit. I should just quit because you guys don't even like...

care about it right like you don't want to be embarrassed with your friends and all that like I'm just gonna quit now like now that I've already do real estate and all that like I'm just gonna quit he's like no mom don't do that please like okay how do you make amends uh with him even though he forgives you and says he forgives you how do you do that internally it's always been like it's just been always been for him but for me like

I still haven't. Like, I still hate the situation. What do you think the future holds for you the next five years? What's your game plan? Well, I'm flipping houses now. So we bought, I just bought five houses in the past year and we're like renovating them. I'm getting ready to sell my first one and I'll just be doing that, I guess. And I hope that my son can come live with me. Like once he's 18, like maybe he can come live with me and

Do some college courses or something. What's some advice you wish you told or your teenage self knew at the time? Advice that you would if you could go back in time and tell your teenage self, what would that be? I don't know, honestly. I would say like to keep going and finish school and like get through all the like hard stuff first, you know, like.

I did everything ass backwards, like started having kids and just backwards. Like you have to buy a house first, you know, have your financial stuff situated, not get pregnant and then try to figure it out. You know, it's so much harder that way. So that's what I'll be telling my daughter. I have a four year old daughter. That's like my biggest fear is that like she's going to turn out like me. But it all ended up working out for the better. True.

Do you know what age your daughter will be when you have that conversation about your past with her? If you're ever going to have that conversation with her or if you want her to find out on her own? I know, right? Yeah, I don't know. Maybe like because I was so young, but these kids nowadays are different. Like I was so young.

My 15-year-old is afraid to go take the garbage out. It's too dark. But I was in the middle of the country at 13 with nobody, alcohol and drugs and stuff.

But yeah, maybe like 13, 14-ish, starting to tell my kids different things slowly. My kids know. My older kids, they all know. Even my younger ones, they don't really talk about it, but they just hear it. Kids know a lot more than you think, but they hear it all the time. They hear that I went to prison or that they know that mom's been to prison.

Do other parents look at you differently, or are they open to it? I think so. Like, I'm put in this box, right? Like, I don't think that people say anything to my face. Like, they won't, but...

People just do, right? Like you're put in this box. Like I'm going to be a realtor now and I just know people aren't going to want to work with me because I was in prison. And like that's fine. I'm going to be the realtor that wears jeans and like blazers and like super down to earth, you know? I'm going to be the cool one. I think things are starting to change and even like that project that, you know, I just worked on, when that comes out, I think that'll really help change the narrative too because it just –

prisons becoming more common and there's more people are coming forward that you never would have expected. Like yesterday, I sat down with this individual who looks like a college teacher, a college professor, and he was, you know, like a Walter White making math and selling it and did almost eight years in prison. Do you think it looks like I was in prison? No. So many people I sit with in an interview. People tell me that all the time. They're like, you did what?

You would just never expect it, you know? So I think as those types of individuals come forward more and share their stories, it'll change the narrative. I watched this one girl. She went to prison a long time ago, but I believe she did the boot camp thing too. She's like in Florida. I don't know. She's got a couple kids. And then I watched this other girl too. She does like prison content. She talks about like –

the food and like periods in prison and stuff like that. That's really fun to watch. I like watching people's prison stories. Yeah. I love those types of, you know, comeback stories because they're, they're owning it. You know, I made a post on my Facebook today about how I've gotten more opportunities from talking about prison than not talking about prison. Exactly. Like people tell me sometimes, like, I think they're just haters, but like, didn't you get out a long time ago?

Like, yeah, I did. But I still talk about it because that's what I grew my platform on. Like, of course, I'm going to talk about it. And it also wasn't OK to talk about it back then. I mean, eight years ago, no one was talking about going to prison. I know. It all started to become a thing. I think COVID was really the changer of that and TikTok. Because I got on there and I had no idea that there was adults on there sharing their story. I thought it was just dancing and stuff.

How many followers do you have now on TikTok? Like 225, 225,000. That's exciting. Yeah. I hope to get to a million one day. Oh, you'll get there. Hey, and this is as long as you're consistent. You know, it took me a couple of years to get to that a million mark. And it's just consistency. I owe any success I have to consistency, never missing a day. Right. Absolutely. You got to you got to do it every day. Show up every day.

Definitely. Well, thank you so much for coming on the show today. It was great talking to you. You did a great job for your first podcast. Thanks. And it means a lot that you picked us to be the first podcast you shared it with. Of course. Thank you so much for helping me share my story. Yeah, of course. Hopefully it wasn't too stressful on you and safe travels back to Chicago. Of course. Awesome.