I Was Catfished By The FBI | Khalil Rayyan
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My name is Ian Bick, and you're tuned in to Locked In with Ian Bick. On today's episode, I'll be interviewing Khalil Ryan, who at 22 years old was sentenced to five years in a federal prison relating to gun charges after the FBI conducted an investigation.

Join me, Ian Bick, as I interview people from all over the country, from inmates to officers and white-collar criminals to violent offenders. Hear these crazy stories from all sides of the criminal mind. Khalil, thanks for coming out today. Thank you for having me. I appreciate it. Really excited to have you. Your story is just super interesting. Like, I read about it, and I went down, like, this rabbit hole, and I was just like, wow, this is crazy. We got to get him out here. For sure. Thank you. I appreciate it. Thank you for giving me the platform.

I like to start at the beginning. I think it's super important to hear someone's story from the beginning to figure out why the things happened that they did. So start me off from the beginning. How did you grow up? What was your childhood like? What's your family like? So I grew up in a Middle Eastern household. My family's from Palestine. They came over here. They started a life.

I went to high schools, predominantly mostly Arab Muslims, a charter school. After, I was always kind of, I guess, kind of a class clown, quiet kid type of person. After I graduated, though, that's where really things kind of took a downward spiral. I started getting, I got addicted to drugs, mental health problems, drugs.

identity issues. And when I say identity issues is even though I am Arab, I lived in America, I kind of felt like the split identity, like who am I? When am I? Am I Arab? Am I American? Even though if I stepped out of the bounds of where I live at, I can see that there are different people other than from the language I speak of who I am. So it really kind of affected me as an individual. So coupled with all these factors, it kind of got me sucked in to trying to find out who I am

Um, so that's where basically the emergence of ISIS came in, uh, 2015. Uh,

This is where they kind of blew up in the United States as well. Everybody was thinking they're going to take over the world. So for me, I was kind of interested in a sense where I was viewing that propaganda. I was looking at those videos and stuff like that. And for me, it was kind of a sense of belonging of not trying to join them. But why would somebody would want to join a gang? It was a sense of purpose, sense of belonging. That's how I looked at it as nothing outside of that. You know, that is where I caught the attention of the FBI and I started getting, you know, investigated.

I was getting at first weird, crazy DMs from ISIS soldiers basically trying to get me to do things in Michigan, Detroit, where I'm from. I ignored those. I ignored those. And I guess the FBI has their own profilers. And they looked into me and they said, hmm, you know what? He's missing a girl in his life. How about if we try something else? We implement a girl. Now, before that happened, you got arrested by the state, right?

Yeah, so the reason why I had the gun to begin with was because I was working at a family restaurant's pizza place. And when you're in Detroit, it is a really bad area. What I thought was I got the gun legally. I bought the gun. I registered it. Michigan is an open carry state. You don't have to have a license for it. So as long as I had it visibly shown on my hip, it was fine. But the problem was when I got in the car, it's considered concealed.

So you got the gun legally. The gun was bought legally. Yeah, the gun was legal. It was bought legally. It was registered and everything. But the problem was that the reason why I got pulled over now in hindsight was the FBI ordered that to stop because the FBI was under investigation from the FBI. Okay, so you got pulled over and you didn't think you were committing a crime whatsoever.

Whatsoever. No, absolutely not. But when they came, like three or four cars and their guns are drawn, I knew something was going on, but I had to let them know directly like, hey, I have a gun in the car. So just don't shoot me. You know what I'm saying? Now, what happens? You tell them you have a gun in the car and then you're arrested right on the spot. Right on the spot. I'm under arrest. He tells me I'm under arrest for carrying concealed weapon. And this is the state that's arresting you. This is the state. Yeah. So you're brought to the state prison.

And do you spend the night there? Do you get bail? How does that work? Yeah, so I spent the night. I seen the judge. I got a bail and I'm going to fight the case. I got an attorney. My attorney's like, hey, look, we're going to beat this. There's no probable cause for you to pull you over. You know, it's just there's a lot of gray areas in this. I think we can beat this. Now, why does a pizza man need a gun? I'm curious about that.

oh, you know, when you're delivering in Detroit, they kind of have, it's like as dangerous as being a police officer in Detroit because we've had numerous times where our drivers were robbed, they were jumped, they were taken, everything. And for me, I was like, no, I'm not going to be on the news of a pizza man getting robbed. Furthermore, I have family members who work there. So it was protecting myself and my family was the reason why I got the gun.

Now, what's your mental state at the time you're working at this pizzeria? You decide to skip college. Why do you skip college? What's going through your head? So I did go to school, but I pretty much, in a sense, really dropped out. I mean, I was pulling Fs. I was going to class high. I did not take it seriously at all. As far as my mental state was, is that I was going through a really bad depression situation.

really bad mental health. So that's what did not help my situation as well. And now how old are you at the time? At that time, I was 20, 21. All right. So you get arrested by the state. You get out on bond. You're fighting it. And then someone slides in your DMs on Twitter. Yeah. So a girl slid in my DM talking about, you know, wanting to be with me, that she felt like God brought me as a purpose and I'm her savior and all that type of stuff. Now, have you ever had a girlfriend before at this point? I've never had a girlfriend.

So do you feel like you jumped into this relationship with her because you were craving like that love and affection and a relationship? So when she slid into my DMs, I figured I like this is the one that I finally not only got a girlfriend, but a potential wife. What kind of conversations are you guys having?

Our conversations were pretty much kind of like open-ended, asking questions, getting to know one another at first, kind of just like the normal get-together. But things kind of started to turn when I've noticed that she really wanted to talk about things revolving around ISIS or terrorism or to commit violent acts. Now, at that time, were you posting anything relating to ISIS or terrorism or anything like that? So the stuff I was posting on Twitter was like retweets. I don't know if you know how Twitter works is that whenever somebody posts something, you retweet it so it's on your page.

That's the stuff. Why were you posting that stuff? I mean, for me, it was in a kind of a sense where it was more of a shock and awe tactic. Kind of like if somebody portrays himself outwardly in public, you're not going to do the same in social media. So that was kind of, I guess, my quote unquote second identity type of thing. So do you think your depression triggered that?

you having like maybe violent tendencies or thoughts in your mind to like to post this stuff and promote it? So my depression did not make me seem like I have to go attack somebody. It was more of a situation of me to identify with something. Okay. Yeah. Now this girl that you're messaging, do you guys ever talk on the phone, video chat, nothing? It was, uh, we, we, her and I, we did have a few phone conversations and,

Now when you look back at it, it was weird, but she never really wanted to send pictures. She never really wanted to do voice calls or even meet when she claimed that she lived in Detroit. So you never saw like a real photo of this woman? I never saw a photo, but when I started to get my suspicions, she did kind of send like a few pictures here and there, but they were from the internet. Now, you guys agreed to get married within this girl that messages out?

Yeah, so I tell this girl, I said, look, you know, I have no time for games. This is your religion. Our religion is the same. Very straight to the point. Yeah, let's just, you know, get our family involved. Let's just do this thing. Okay. So you're talking to her. You don't think anything, you don't think it's a red flag that you guys are already talking about getting married the first weekend. And she is trying to...

like get you to talk about terrorism and or ISIS? So to answer your question in regards to marriage, my culture comes from a place where we move fast. You meet somebody, you might talk to them for a month or two or even less than that. And then now it's a situation where marriage is on the table. Okay.

As far as the ISIS things, for me, I did not want to lose her because I felt like this was her and that was like I was not going to get an opportunity after that. So I did entertain some of those conversations to keep her. I mean, what guy does not talk shit to a girl in a sense to impress her?

So that was, I guess, my shit-talking. No, we all do stuff to get a woman's attention, especially at that age. I remember I was very insecure about myself. I was that 21-year-old, really chubby, overweight, nerdy, and I would do some crazy stuff just to get a girl's attention.

Yeah, so just kind of – mine is just remixed to terrorism, everything that you kind of said. Now, you didn't – there was nothing a part of you going through your mind saying, hey, this is wrong or I could potentially get into trouble or this could be portrayed in a different light? So there were always things in the back of my mind of this potentially being wrong, but it was just – I was just so lost in just addiction and wanting her affection that I ignored those red flags that were coming on my mind.

Now in high school, you never had a girlfriend, never got that female attention. In high school, I've never got a girlfriend, never had got a hug. I remember I had talked to this one. Not even a hug. Yeah, I have talked to this one girl and I was really liking her. Next thing you know, like she gets in a relationship the next, like the week, like when I was really, I was getting to ask her out, but she got into a relationship. Like that crushed me, dude. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Okay. So this girl comes along and now you're doing whatever you can to please her. Yeah.

What happens to the girl? Do you guys end up getting married? Do you see her? What happens? So the day for this, how this kind of pretty much ended in a sense was, you know, I kind of ghosted her for a few days. I said, look, you're playing games. You're talking this crazy stuff. I'm

done with it. So for days on end, I'm ghosting her, but she continuously kept on calling me or texting me over and over and over until I finally reached out and responded. And she pretty much said that, you know, she apologized and won't happen again. But then she continued with those conversations afterwards. And then how long is this going on for this? Uh, her and I, we were communicating for some months, I believe. And then it stops and you find another girl.

Yes. So pretty much this kind of, this pretty much ended in a sense where she was just ghosted me out of nowhere. She said she can't do anymore. So at that point, coupled with the depression, with the identity issues, all that, now you're kind of heartbroken. And then in comes informant or agent number two in this picture. But at the time when this second girl comes along, you don't know that they're secretly working for the FBI or any law enforcement. You just think this is another girl that's interested in to you and she DMs you onto

So when this other girl came, I absolutely thought this was, there was not nothing had to do with the FBI. It was a different nationality. The first one was like in her twenties. The second one was 19. So like the way they did it was to make sure that it was just separate. And it did trick me. Now you didn't think it was a red flag that you're like, you grew up, girls weren't into you. You, you,

had no options with women, then all of a sudden, one girl DMs you, and then a couple months later, the next one comes along? In hindsight, how I look at it, yes. But at that time, I'm thinking there's something that I'm doing as far as retweeting videos or doing whatever that is attracting these girls' attention. Now, all your videos are related to...

you know, ISIS or any type of other global affairs that are going on or related to your religion? My past content before was in regards to what was going on overseas politics, what was going on, stuff in Palestine, just stuff overseas. Did you ever have any friends that like maybe intervened and said, hey man, you know, your posts are a little out there or you should watch what you're posting? So my friends, we kind of just stopped talking since high school. So it was pretty much a loner. My family were seeing the red flags and a lot of things and they were telling me to stop and to

to quit it and we can get you help. But I ignored all those, I guess, outreach for help. And there was really, at that time, they really couldn't do anything. Do you think you posting those items was like a cry for help for yourself? When I was posting those items, absolutely. It was a cry for help, but I just didn't, it was not explicitly like, hey, I need help. It was absolutely a cry for help. Okay, so now the second girl, do you guys get married? Do you talk about marriage too? So the second girl, the only way that relationship ended was when I was raided.

by the FBI. And then when I found out in court that she was an actual agent, that's how that ended. Okay. So you got raided. How does, what goes on the day you're arrested by the FBI? Is it like a normal day? What happened? So the day before I got, so the day of I got arrested by the FBI, it was just a normal day. She did text me and let me know like, Hey, are you going to work? I said, yeah, it's just a regular day. I'm driving. I pull up to work. And right before I unlocked the shop,

literal like a whole cavalry of people just pulled up a bunch of guns. All different type of agencies pulled up, had their guns drawn, got me to the ground, arrested me. But at that time, I'm going through a state case. So I'm thinking they raided the wrong guy. I wanted to believe I'm just the wrong guy. I looked like somebody who wasn't it. And they pulled up my name, said, yeah, we're after you. You know, I said, what are you thinking? What's going through your mind? That this was just some like this, that this was just at the

I wanted to believe it was a mistake until I seen somebody's vest that said FBI and he was, I say FBI out loud as I'm thinking, he said, yeah, we're actually all FBI. And I'm like, dude, I have another case. He said, no, we're feds, we're entirely different. We picked up the case now. Yeah, that legit same thing happened to me. I was getting arrested by the state like multiple times for liquor violations and other stupid shit, criminal mischief. And then when the

FBI raided my house. Their guns drawn. They had the whole streets lined up with cop cars. And when they're arresting me, I'm like, what the fuck did I possibly do now? And then I realized it was for like the other criminal investigation. But when they come in, like they're in there strong.

Oh, when the feds come in, they're ready for war. Like the stuff that they are wearing, like you said, they're shutting down blocks. They did surveillance on you before. The cars that they were driving, you would not even suspect them to be federal vehicles, how they came in. So they're bringing you to the federal courthouse or wherever they're bringing you, and you have no idea what you're being charged with, why the FBI just arrested you. Yeah. So when the FBI did arrest me, I sat down in an interrogation room, and at the entire time, I'm thinking it was for a gun case. And

And at first they did play it off. Even after hindsight, I side note, I did say lawyer numerous times at that time. So you didn't talk to them at first. I did not want to talk to him. I said, I want a lawyer. They wanted me to sign my rights away. I said, no, I want a lawyer. But they steamroll past it. So you gave in and you start talking. And then pretty much in a sense after they were. It's like legally when you say lawyer, that's it. Conversation is over. But they kept on. They steamrolled it and wanted to conversate with me.

When do you realize that you're under investigation for potential terrorism? So right when they – I realized I was under investigation for potential terrorism when he brought up the word, what is your involvement with ISIS? I knew at that time everything was flipped. So what's going on in your head the moment he states that to you? I keep –

When the FBI agent reiterated, what do you know about terrorism? I kept on asking him numerous times, what am I being charged with here? He kept on saying gun case, gun case, gun case. But after he answered that question, he wanted to talk about my stuff in social media, my thoughts, what's going on. And then he brought up, he made it seem like the agent, the second one, was at the room next door.

And at that time, me being the loyal dumb man, I wanted to take the rap for it. Leave her alone. Give it to me. All that type of stuff, you know. But I found out that this was really going on when I went to my first court hearing and she read me – my lawyer read me the criminal complaint. So at the first court hearing where you pled, I'm assuming, not guilty at that point, that's when you find out that your two ex-girlfriends or alleged ex-girlfriends were not really your girlfriends and were instead –

Federal agents. The first yeah, the first time I found out that they were federal agents when I actually me, I actually got to read the complaint and they pretty much just said that these women involved were undercover or FBI employees. How does that make you feel? I crush. It really made me feel crushed. Not only was I going through a criminal case, but it was a sense of betrayal.

Yeah. That's pretty wild. Yeah. It's definitely something off a movie. I could not imagine going to court one day or just getting arrested by the FBI randomly and realizing that my ex-girlfriends who weren't really my girlfriends set me up.

It was absolutely, when I found that out, it was literally, my heart dropped from the criminal case, but it broke at the same time. I don't know if you've ever felt that kind of emotion. No, absolutely. It's breaking. It's damaging. Do you get bond? Do you get released on bail or is it automatic? You're being held. So the court refused to give me bond because of the public safety and the flight risk factor because my family, they are dual citizens. So they refused to give me a bond.

Okay. And they finally end up not charging you with terrorism. What are they charging you with and why do they decide not to charge you with any terrorism related charges? So how I found out about my charges, my final charges, my lawyer came to see me at the county jail and he told me, Hey, you know, we got a grand jury indictment. Uh, I said, okay. He said, this is after he said, yeah, the fed did go to the grand jury to get a terrorism charge. So he sat down with me at the county jail. He said, here are your charges.

Good news, though, there are no terrorism charges. Like that is what I was really worried about. This other stuff that you have, it can carry some time, but it's not as much time, which is a life sentence for terrorism, what it could possibly carry. How much time were you facing? Both of those. I was facing both of those two crimes carried a statutory maximum of 10 years. 10 years. What's going through your mind as a 21, 22 year old that's being told you're facing 10 years in federal prison?

Honestly, my emotions basically said I really did feel like my life was over, regardless if it was five years or 10 years. I couldn't envision myself doing that much time.

Now, do you end up pleading guilty, taking it to trial? What do you do and what caused you to come to that decision? So going through my court system was kind of different because the feds wanted me to get a psychiatric evaluation to see if I was competent to stand trial. Now, that is a really in a sense, it was a trick that the court played, because let's say I wasn't competent. The feds, what they do is they commit you, meaning they remove they take off your criminal case. They're not going to go any further until they find you competent.

When I went to Devons, Massachusetts to get that psychiatric evaluation, I met people there for 15, 20 years off a commitment because they're incompetent to stand trial, meaning that they already did their time. Whatever time that they were supposed to have, they did it. But because they were incompetent, they could not go further. So that is what the feds wanted to do first. Did you feel like you weren't competent?

I felt like I was competent, but my lawyer did say, you know, you might have some mental health issues, but that does not equate for you to be incompetent. Like you could still have problems, but know what right from wrong was the point. Do you ever have thoughts of suicide or anything while this is going on? But during the course of my incarceration, I did try to, you know, kill myself like twice during that. Now you decide to plead guilty.

And what was the plea deal for? My plea deal was they were going to drop one gun charge and convict me on a second charge, which was possession of a firearm by a prohibited person. My guidelines, the feds go by guidelines on that case, even though it carries up to like 10 or 20 years, was 15 to 21 months. Okay.

But the prosecutor wanted to request a 96-month sentence because all the extra non-charge conduct, which they can use by statute. Yeah, in the federal system, they can combine all the non-charge. Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty crazy that they could do that. Okay, so how much time goes on between when you got arrested to when your sentencing happened? Okay.

So that entire time took about a year and a half until I was sentenced to go to prison. So you're sitting in county for a full year and a half. Now, mind you, my first six months I did spend in solitary confinement because of the high profile of my case. They don't want me to generalize. Before they charged you? No.

Before, well, I was charged, like before I was sentenced, you know, while my case was still going on. I did go from county to county jail to county jail. The feds call it diesel therapy. I guess it's a situation where they fuck with you. You think they were putting a lot of pressure on you to take a plea deal?

I felt like I was getting pressured to either cave, kill myself, say something crazy where I can get indicted with terrorism. They were trying multiple things to get me to break. What are your parents thinking? What's going on with them? My parents were absolutely broken. They were getting harassed and followed by the media constantly.

Did this case go pretty public? Yes. My case was public, and the community is a small community, so when the articles and news things came out, a lot of people in the community knew, like, okay, this is my family. It's from him. My brother had to drop out from school. It was just bad, man.

And that puts a lot of weight on your shoulders to carry. I felt extremely guilty. Even to this day, I feel extremely guilty of what happened. At sentencing, sentencing comes along. What's going through your mind?

And when the judge reads a sentence of almost double your guidelines, what's in your head? Oh, at sentencing, that is judgment day for a lot of us offenders. You know, like that is basically going to know how your life is going to play out for X amount of years. I remember my family showed up. I mean, they packed the courtroom. I read my sentencing, like my statement to him. And I remember crying, crying.

And as I was listening to the judge saying his sentence, I literally felt like I was going to pass out. Took a point where my lawyer had to kind of like hold me up to be cool. And when he said 60 months, my heart did drop because it was over 40 months of my guidelines. But it wasn't the 96 months of what the prosecutor wanted. So in a sense, I could kind of feel like I did win that one, at least over him. You know, so it was and also a sense of relief, man, like, OK, it's done.

Like I know my out date now it's over with. Did you walk into that sentencing hearing expecting to get the 96 months prepared for the worst? I walked into that court hearing knowing I was going to get more than my guidelines, but not as much as 96 months. Okay. So you're happy with the, I guess the 60 months that you got.

I was relieved of the 60 months. I think, yeah, it's very... Going through the criminal justice system, it's exhilarating and scary not knowing...

what sentence you're going to get because you're essentially once a day you're arrested that that timer starts up until like the day you're released from finally probation so it's good to know like you have an actual outdate once you get that sentence and then you get to the prison you figure out okay this is the day I could actually go home I feel like one of the things that I remember being in the court like going through the court system was that having no control over your life you

You know, it's just kind of that's what makes it scary because it's in the hands of judges, your public defender, the prosecutor. And in a sense, you know, you know, they really they all just really don't care because they get to go home at the end of the day. So having that no control is what really stands out for me. Where are you moved to after you're sentenced?

After I am sentenced, I am shipped to Oklahoma where all federal inmates go for transit. And then you went on Con Air? Yes, Con Air. How was your first trip on Con Air? It wasn't the first class, you know, experience that you wanted. You know, I was shackled. I had a black box on me. It was very dehumanized because you're moved like cattle.

Very dehumanizing. And what prison do you end up? So the prison I ended up going to was Terre Haute, Indiana. I ended up going to the medium. They have a camp, they have a medium, and they have a penitentiary. I did end up going to the medium. And why do you think you were assigned to a medium security prison, not a low security prison or a camp? So I felt like I was assigned to the medium security was because my age factor. I had a public safety hold on me as well. The

the time that I've got, I guess. And, uh, so those are the things that I felt like it happened for me to go to a medium. And what happened to those initial state charges? Are those still pending while you're in prison or do they eventually get settled or how does that happen? So the state, we had to finalize my state case before the feds put me in their custody, if you can say. So the state ended up sending me to probation right when I was sentenced probation the next morning, they shipped me off to a, to a federal custody. Do you think religion played a role in your sentencing at all?

I'll be honest with you. I really do feel like my religion, my ethnicity, a lot of people hate to play the quote unquote race card. And I really and I was really one of those people. But being in that courts, the judicial system really does show me that race and religion do have factors. I honestly do feel like if I was just this, I guess this white kid from the suburbs, they would have gotten me help. I would have gotten probation because I was this Arab. And a lot of unfortunately terrorists do happen to be Arab, did play a part into that. And do you still have that same feeling today?

I still do have that same feeling. We can't be so naive to think that there is no prejudice in our criminal justice system. There absolutely is.

Now, first week of prison, what's that like as a you're 22 at this time? Yeah. What's it like for your first week in a medium security federal prison as a 22 year old? Walking into that prison at first, they were locked down for a week because the incident happened. So out of rip, I already knew that this place was going to be jumping, cranking like it was just going to be bad.

I remember they put me in a cell with a white guy. And at that prison I was at, there is politics. Even though my skin color is white, I'm not rolling with the white car. Who are you rolling with? I was rolling with the Muslim car. He told me, hey, what are you? Where are you rolling from? He's like, no, you can't be in my cell. We just can't do this. He said that? Yeah. And why is that? Because I'm not in his same car. I'm not in the same group. Technically, in my sense –

Rolling Muslim, I'm technically black. You got white, black, Hispanic in the system. So he said, you know what? You can go find you a black guy to be in a cell with. You can't be in a cell with me. What's the medium security prison? I was just in Lowe's and Camps. Medium, that's where you hear about more of these crazy, dangerous situations happening.

what's it like for you there? At the medium prison that I was at, I did have politics as far as race, your geographical location. There were gangs in there. It was really political at the medium that I was at. And any time, like let's say you and I get into it, I'm going to have my boys and you're going to have my boys or a potential war is going to happen over two people's beef.

How long does it take you to learn all these politics and kind of get a feel for how the system's going? So everything for me to get a feel about the politics really kind of took me about a good month, month and a half to really notice kind of the ins and outs and what to do. And what does your prison routine develop into? What are you doing on a day to day basis? My prison routine revolved around a lot of reading, a lot of praying. I was in study groups with my other Muslim brothers. We were kind of just like learning the faith.

Were you this religious before going into prison? Absolutely. When I was not religious, I didn't even know the five pillars, like the basic fundamentals of Islam. I had no idea what it was. So how can somebody be this radical terrorist that wanted to kill people in the name of God that doesn't even know anything about his religion? You know, so I had no idea about my faith before incarceration.

And what's your prison hustle? Do you develop a prison hustle? So my prison hustle I developed was being the commissary, man. That is big business in the feds because- How much are you making a week? I have made total, total, I have made close to like 15,000 off that.

During your whole. During the whole situation. Yeah. I was good enough to inherit that from somebody that went home, kind of told me the ins and outs of it, what to do. So he kind of gave me the keys to that business. And I kind of just like kind of took over. And how does that business work? Oh, it was it was very. So how I did it was the business was let's say somebody wanted to buy something. I would buy in stamps. Stamps in the feds is considered as currency.

Sometimes I would lend people something. They would just pay me two or three back at store date. Some people wanted to buy stamps from me. I would give them stamps and I'll fill out a store list. So I'm

I'm constantly having cycles of stamps and product keep going in and out. And how long did it take to get this hustle? How far into you were you? So I wanted to say my first six months during my incarceration where I was like, you know what? I'm bored. I need to do something. I was already working at a business before. It's not that hard. Let's just do it. That's very entrepreneurial. Now, best cellmate and worst cellmate? Most.

My worst cellmate happens to be actually a guy from New York. I was that. Yeah, man. I mean, the guy was, you know, he was just very extremely dirty, constantly snoring. You're like no type of like, you know, when you know you have another human being in your cell, there's things that you can and can't do. It just was not working out with him at all.

My best cellmate, I did time with this guy. He did already like 20 years, already knew just how prison was, stayed out of my way, stayed out of his way. So those were my best and worst. Yeah, I remember having a cellmate that refused to shower, refused to put on deodorant. It was absolutely disgusting. Like this older gentleman, I don't know what it was, but every time they said, all right, you guys want to take a shower? No, refused it. Just disgusting, especially when you're in the shoe. Yeah.

When you were in the shoe for six months, what was that like mentally, physically? So when I was in the shoe, that was the first attempt out of the two attempts I did try to kill myself. Mentally, I'm still not the same afterwards. You felt like you're forgotten. You're in this hole. It's like you're an animal. Honestly, it was like literally the worst experience possible. It's kind of like I told people, it's like imagine taking a stick.

and you're slowly breaking it. That's you. You're that stick slowly breaking. It was demoralizing, man. It was crazy. Is the prison giving you any type of psychological help at all? Absolutely. The prison is not giving you psychological. Their main concern if you are suicidal. If you're not, we don't care about your depression. We don't care about trying to help you. We don't care about any of that. Did you ask for help? Did you reach out for help? So I did reach out for help. They tried putting me on some hardcore medication. I did...

could take that for like a few months but like bro like it turned me into a zombie i said i'm not i don't want to zombie i need help i'm not trying to be a zombie i don't need medication like that you know what i'm saying so that was their whole thing about that at what point during these five years do you figure out like a why to keep going why do you like wake up every day and keep pushing forward when does like the old khalil change into the new khalil so it kind of turned towards my middle of my sentence um

Um, my family stuck with me, which they had absolutely every chance and ability to leave me to not mess with me anymore. My family really helped. My faith really helped. I built a really good, like even guys I still talk to today that are still in prison, real good bond with these guys of, of,

and brothers that I've never really had before. And they were uplifting and we were uplifting each other, inspiring each other, pushing each other. So that bond right there coupled with my family and my faith is what really helped me out. What's the first visit like with your parents? How is that when they come visit their son in federal prison? Oh, the first visit was absolutely, I still remember it till this day. I remember we all were at the visiting room just crying. Everybody just broke down. You know, having to see, you know, their son, uh,

you know, in prison uniform and having to see my family drive all the way out there.

How far is the prison from your house? The prison was about six hours away. There was nothing closer for them. There was nothing closer. And they drove six hours in and six hours out that same day. So 12 hours of driving to see their son for like an hour and a half, two hours. Yeah, but I'm sure it meant everything to you and it meant everything to them. Those visits were really helping. Visits are very important because it gives you that drive and that motivation to keep pushing, to keep going.

That's great. Now, what type of corruption do you see in a medium security prison? Because corruption is everywhere in the prison system. What did you get to witness firsthand? So the corruption that I've seen was, you know, correctional officer misconduct. I've seen correctional officers, you know, assault inmates. I've seen the pepper spray for no reason. I've seen them send them to the shoe for no reason.

Um, just really like a lot, you have federal BOP rules, Tara hut, they called it, we have Tara hut rules. So they ran it by their way of code of conduct, nothing in a sense of how the BOP should be run. You know, uh, the food was in a sense, you know, we, we protested against the food. We protested against the commissary because it was not as adequate as it was supposed to be, you know? So it was a lot of correctional officer misconduct that I seen. Were you ever a victim?

of officer misconduct at all? So I'll actually, I'll give you one story where my family came to visit me and the girls in my family wear the headscarf, the hijab, and they wanted them to take off their scarves

To enter into the visit room. Now, if anything about the headscarf, you're not supposed to show it to like other men. So you want it to have this male CEO take their scarf. They're not inmates. They're not prisoners or my family want to take their scarves off to come see me to check if there were contraband, you know, that right there. I made it a whole thing with the lieutenant, with the captain, and they didn't do anything about it, you know? Um, so that is one of the things right there that kind of set it off where, bro, I was, I was literally going to snap when I heard about that. Have you gotten into any prison fights?

I was one fight I was involved in and I did lose some good time over it. It was me and another Muslim brother. We did jump this guy. And it was a situation where I was kind of caught up into. I could have just watched, you know, my brother, the guy, you know, with just get into the fight. Well, you have to in those scenarios. You have to. So when they're taking you as a part of the member of their group,

If they say we have to go, then you got to go. Exactly. You know, you'd be looked at as like a bitch. You'd be looked at as leaving your brother hanging out. What happens if the guy had a knife and stabbed my brother right in front of me? I didn't do anything. You know what I'm saying? So it was a situation where I just had to jump in. Being young in federal prison, did anyone ever think you were a rat or a sex offender because young guys...

aren't necessarily the norm inside federal prisons? So my case was highly publicized and it was on the news. So I didn't need to really introduce myself. They knew who I was. You're that terrorist. You know what I'm saying? So I guess sex offender, terrorist, which one is kind of, you know what I'm saying? Is that what they're calling you in prison? A terrorist? Uh,

The administration called me a terrorist. Other guys called me a terrorist. How does that make you feel? Absolutely dehumanizing, man, because, you know, as a terrorist, you're technically the enemy of the people and I'm not the enemy. You know what I'm saying? I remember a correctional officer told me that, you know, you're the enemy of the United States and I kill people like you. You know what I'm saying? So it's just kind of like it just felt like an outcast as an enemy. So it was really bad. But at this point, you had never been charged for anything. The investigation was over.

Your name was essentially cleared in that regard? So I was never charged with any terrorism. That's what made it more frustrating because if I was charged with terrorism, I might give them a little bit of leeway or like whatever. But not being charged with it but still having that jacket made it way more frustrating. What kind of contraband is in a medium security federal prison system?

So the contraband that I've seen, I've seen anywhere from cell phones. I've seen some big stupid swords, they called them, you know, tattoo guns. Like all my ink that I got was- You've gotten prison tattoos. Yeah, all my ink that I have gotten on me are all straight from prison. So you never had a tattoo going into prison? Never, never. What's it like getting a prison tattoo? So the prison tattoo that I've gotten was like really, like a lot of people have this perspective, like it was clean, it was unsanitary, everything was clean. The-

The needle was from a guitar string. They had suit. They had Unicor, which is a factory in federal prison. They had it from there. The guy made a tattoo machine out of the generator from the fans that we used to buy. I mean, you know, you had A&D, you had Vaseline. You had all these things where basically you need for a tattoo shop, you know? Were you getting the tattoo to fit in with these other prison inmates? So I've always wanted a tattoo, but I couldn't really do it because of my family and all that. And that was just really my door to do it. Okay.

So you get all these tattoos in prison. You weren't scared at all to get them. Like I was afraid I got offered to get tattoos and I was afraid of like HIV or anything like that. I didn't know where the needles were coming from. It just like creeped me out. So before I got a tattoo, I was very observant to see what, how,

Like when somebody does get a tattoo watch them for about a week or so see how it's gonna look and it turns out clean for them You know, so that's how I kind of did it Are there a lot of drugs going into this prison that you're at? So in the federal prison k2 is very prevalent as you might know it's synthetic marijuana People are crazy losing their minds over there having episodes. There were a batch where they were spraying roach spray on it Yeah, so not only were they getting high they were literally losing their minds over

A lot of guys were messing with Suboxone. There were a few times where they had weed, other like kind of pills, kind of downers and stuff like that people were messing with. Were you ever addicted to drugs? So I was an addict going into prison, but I have not picked, I did not pick up any drugs in there. Like I started to get sober while I was in prison.

And does a switch just flick off in your mind saying, I want to get clean, like I want to do this for me? Yes, absolutely. That's coupled with the faith and family support. Like I told myself if I must step in prison, I told myself in my mind, like I have no deserving for a second chance if I do this, you know. Do you have friends from the outside world that are communicating?

All my friends, my quote unquote friends talk so much shit about me in the media. So I hadn't, so there were no friends afterwards. I did get like recognized from a few of them outside, but they kind of built this fake homie. Let's kick it. But because of the social media thing, you know what I'm saying? So, but I never really, I don't mess

with them. Now, at the end of the prison sentence, how much time do you end up doing on this five-year sentence? So out of my whole sentence, I ended up doing 46 months. 46 months. So you go to a halfway house after? Yeah, I go to the halfway house for about two months. And then my last four months, I end up doing in home confinement. Now, right at the time you're getting out of prison, COVID hits. What's that like in the prison environment? What are your old prison friends going through? Are you exposed to it at all? What happened?

So to answer you, so I got out right when the COVID pandemic hit. Everything shut down. Everything was closed. So for me, it was going from one prison to another. And that fucked me up mentally, man. I couldn't get any help. There was no connection with community. I wanted to do outreach stuff. I wanted to do a lot of things. I had plans and I couldn't do none of that. So it fucked me up more mentally to...

go out of that. But talking to my, you know, buddies still from inside, they were telling me that they were locked down, visits were stripped, everybody was getting sick. It was crazy in there, you know? How hard was it to get a job coming out of prison? So I have, I have the, one of the advantages of having great family support. So they were able to plug me in with jobs and opportunities that a lot, a lot of returning citizens have. So I really can't really just like identify with the struggle of finding a job coming home because I had such great support, you know?

Did the press of referring to you as a terrorist affect you after prison? And does it still affect you to this day? So till this day, I actually had people who knew about my case reached out for me, social media. A lot of people were telling me they knew that wasn't the case. They're proud of seeing me happen. So it's in a sense of more of a revival, a redemption story rather than something like, oh, okay, watch out for me. He's a terrorist. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So that's how this has been playing out. Do you feel like you've confronted your mental health issues since?

going through this whole ordeal? So even till today, I still go through mental health struggles, but I'm able to at least get the help that I need. And things have been better mentally. And what would you say to someone that's going through similar mental health issues, especially at the age that you went through them? What I would tell somebody is to get help, speak up, you know,

If you don't talk to anybody, you don't get help, it's only going to get worse for you. There is help out there if it's a family, friend, professional help to get that help and speak up. What about dating? Have you dated since this whole ordeal? Because your first girlfriend's ever. Yes. Be high informants. Yeah.

have you gotten a girlfriend since? So when I blew up on social media, I got in, I got so much DMS from girls, like stuff I've never gotten before. And I told myself in my mind, if this happened in beginning, then I probably would not have ended up in federal prison. You know what I'm saying? So, but you know, the, that exploded, you know, with, with, with girls DM and me and stuff like that. So, I mean, I'll be honest with you. I did kind of entertain a lot of it because hell, I mean, this is, you know, women coming, what's going on. So,

As far as close personal relationships, my prison and stuff like that did affect it because, you know, I did not necessarily have that sense of empathy or communication. And that's what a lot of women need. However, I was able to meet somebody, which I did accuse her of being an agent numerous times because I told myself it was too good to be true, you know.

How long before you built trust with her after this? So it took about, I want to say about a good five to six months until I really started to get to know her, her family members. So I'd be like, okay, you know what? This isn't it. You know what I'm saying? This is not, this is not, if it was, if she is a fed, this is probably like an Oscar winning performance. You know what I'm saying? So, but it did take some time though. She was understanding of it because of my situation. Do you ever feel worried that you'll jump back into old habits of, you know, doing certain things again?

to get someone's attention and wanting them to like you. Do you ever encounter that? I never have this feeling of going back into old habits if it's either with drugs or the past feelings I have or winning people's validation. Like I'm 28 years old now, but like it's kind of late, but like I'm just finding out who I am, my purpose, my drive. And I kind of got this thing in my mind where whether if it's for a friendship or relationship or whatever, I'm me, you know, and I'm going to stay me. And if you,

don't like me for me, then, you know, you can just kick the road, you know, hit the road. You know what I'm saying? So I'm at that point right now where like, I'm content with self, you know? Well,

Why did you end up getting on social media to tell your story? It takes a lot of courage to get on a platform and just talk about the crazy shit that happened to us. Not a lot of people in this world do that, especially on such a topic like prison. It's something that everyone's curious about and so many people go to, but not everyone talks about their experience.

So what was that like for you and why did you make that decision? So I decided to get on social media. This is during like the peak time of the pandemic, going through the mental health problems. But I noticed that anytime I did talk about my situation, it really did help out just like a more therapeutic thing. I heard about this app called TikTok.

And a lot of people, you know, at first I thought it was just for kids because it was just dancing videos, whatever. But now I'm scrolling through and I did see some, you know, other prison content creators like Colin or like Jessica talking about it. I said, you know what? Let me give it a shot. So I just made it made an account. I hit the record button, just started talking about it. And it just I remember my first video. I transitioned from I had a clip of me being in prison and me coming out and having fun and stuff like that. And it just blew up and took off.

And everybody was asking me questions like, who are you? What'd you go to prison for? What did you do? What did you see with? And it just, just, just, um, it just went downhill from there, man. So that's how it kind of blew up. Now I've seen some photos of you, like the old Khalil and man, I'm, I'm astounded. You went through a dramatic weight loss and that's like very similar to my situation. How did you lose all that weight? Like you do not look the same person. Anyone that hears this has to Google your name. Um,

What did you do to lose the weight, and how do you keep it off to this day? So I got on, I guess it's very simple, man. I was always the big boy. You know what I'm saying? I love to eat. Even to this day, I love to eat, man. I got just something like a calorie deficit. Just started tracking my meals. I started working out. I was always kind of working, but I was never consistent with it. I told myself, you know what? Let's be consistent with the diet, with tracking our food. Let's be consistent with working out, see what happens. And it just...

Kind of transforms from there, man. You know, so it really, if you're, it can happen to anybody. I feel like anybody can make, you just got to make that, you really have to get into and be, really do it, you know? It's just amazing to see like your turnaround. Like you start off as like this super, you know, depressed, overweight, not really knowing what your place in the world is. And you go through like this whole entire traumatic experience, which is,

you know, whether people think you're guilty or not guilty or whatever it is, you still went through something very traumatic and you came out as one of the few people to actually get it positive. I mean, you have almost 600,000 TikTok followers. Yeah.

What's next? What's your message? And what's the plan for the future? So like a lot of times, so I really want to show people that second chances are possible, that you can go through the absolute shitty situation in your life and turn it around. If somebody like me that can do it, that somebody was supposed a terrorist or a drug addict or just went through all those things, if I can make that turn around, anybody can.

Uh, currently right now, I mean, I do post on social media. However, I really want to focus more on the reform other than my story, you know, cause I really do feel like we need creators, you know, such as yourself or anybody else to highlight the injustices in the criminal justice system, talk about reform and give a voice to the voiceless. Also, I'm, um, I did go back to school. Uh, um, I'll be done here pretty soon. I'm majoring in sociology. Um, and

And things, if things kind of work out too good, I do have dreams of potentially, you know, going into law school and, you know, becoming a defense attorney. Do you think that your past has held you back from any of the things you're trying to accomplish? I feel like with anything in life, the only way you, it gets held back if you allow it to hold you back. There's always doors. There's always avenues that somebody can take. You know, for you, you just don't, you just don't give up. If one door closes, literally another opens. And I have seen, I've witnessed that since I've been out, you know?

I've read some of your comments on TikTok and stuff, and you get a pretty decent amount of share of hate. How do you deal with that, especially with your past history with not being liked or wanting to fit in? How does that affect you now? My mentality today is a situation where you can't make everybody happy.

It's just literally impossible. If you try to make everybody happy, you'll be miserable at the end because it's impossible. With those type of comments, there are times where I'll just delete and block and just move on. Sometimes, you know, I'll hit them up like, hey, you know what? You look like you need some love today. Sometimes I'll make like a funny video out of it. So it doesn't really affect me as before it would have. Like, why does this person like me? What's going on? What did I do? I thought I was cool, you know? So now it's a situation where it comes from being content with oneself, you know? I think...

What I like about your situation is that you see a lot of people on social media talking about prison and stuff, and they're telling the prison stories. And yes, that sells. Like,

Yeah.

That's great. That's incredible because it shows that you've come like full circle from this and that you've really grown from like that initial person. And I think that relates a lot to me because I went into federal prison. I got a little bit less time than you and my situation is very different, but at that same age and man, it is a fucking uphill battle. Like when you get out being a felon, especially being out there, I had a lot of press on my story.

So I really applaud you and I give you credit, and I know where that comes from. And just keep rocking on, keep doing your thing. You're very motivational and inspirational to a lot of young people. I think people hate on us saying,

oh, why are you posting shit about prison or why are you putting your story out there? And I don't think people realize how much it could help someone. It could save their day. So many kids go through battling with drugs and alcohol and have mental health issues. And to see that someone can go through all this bad shit and come out on the other side of it is super important. So Khalil, thanks for coming on. Thank you for having me. Really appreciate it, man. And look forward to seeing the future success that you have. Thank you so much. I appreciate that, Ian. Thank you.