The Sunday Carve Up – 18th August
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Now on Wide World of Sports, the Sunday Carve-Up. There's a squirt of water that comes from underneath their shoes. That's how much rain has fallen here at Ulleyard Stadium. But given we played in Quagmire's and on virtually mud years and years and years ago, come on, let's get it on. Oh, they'll be getting it on, Levy. There'll be nothing stopping this game tonight. And I'd like a little bit of credit as well. I told you it was going to pass quickly, didn't I? The way I read the way...

You also said if you're wrong, it doesn't matter. The way I read the radar. What is it? The way I read the weather. Penicini puts a little kick through, but it's got too much weight behind it to go straight over the dead ball line. Yeah, got the touch of a baby elephant there. Straight over the dead ball line. Siwa Wong, does he get it down? Does he get it down? Oh.

Do you know what? That's a try. And Siwa Wong knocks the ball on, fails to ground it. The on-field decision of a penalty for 10 metres was scared. Looked like a try to me. I've never hosted a function where it says on the rundown what time the paid guest needs to leave the function. I had to get my kids. And this bloke's getting stuck in me. Levy, you're not keeping to time. You're not keeping to time.

I said, listen, we will make up time in the mains and you'll be gone when you need to go. Let me tell you what's more important than dogs. Kids. I had to pick up my kids from school. The lollipop man had to mine them for a little while. It was Aussie and all sorts. Did you have your 5,000 cash with you? No, I didn't have anything.

I didn't get cash. I didn't get paid. That's not funny because you told me in the text. I was 10 or 11 years old and my dad picked me up from footy training. I'll never forget. I got in the car and he said, do you want the good news or the bad news? I said, let's go with the good one first. I'll get happy. He goes, well, I love you. I'm like, okay. And I said, what's the bad news? Being pretty happy. He goes, your mother doesn't? Jab. Jab.

You are an idiot. You are an idiot. I think they're doing a movie or a cartoon. Oh, really? Isn't that good? It's an amazing story how this dog and this bird love each other. I hope they don't mate. It won't be rough, but it'll be twitch. Walking on the street and seeing the Elf Street Personas when you've had a few drinks. They're the best ever. They might have been female impersonators you were thinking of, Gail.

well, what? He said, well, geez, you're well built for a girl. I'll tell you who was really good at Origin 3, the Tinder Turner. Oh, she's great. She was great. She sung the national anthem, right? Yeah.

And I thought it was unbelievable. I actually went over to her after it and I said, well done. That's a way to sing an anthem at a rugby league game. What did she say? Thanks, Scoop. I'm a singer. She said, thank you very much. Oh, just tell Paul he is a grub. He wouldn't need to say that.

Jeez, Narelle. Fire up. My husband is a shark fan. I have three dogs that are Sharky, Peachy and the other one. Oh, jeez. LAUGHTER

Yes. You don't have to have a pet grub, do you? His name is Galk. Steve Mitchell, the Gold Coast Titans boss, is on the line. G'day, Steve. G'day, Mark. How are you? Very well. Do you think John Farnham's version of help is up there with the Beatles? It's up there. We just lost an NRLW game by one point and it made me very sentimental. LAUGHTER

I've been singing that song since I left the stadium. On repeat. Billy Slater and Peter Basaldas had a chat about this sprint idea during the week on the Billy Slater podcast. I think Danica, because she does a lot of running. So Danica gets my money. Go on, Del, say something sexist. I beg your pardon. Daryl, do you get around home in the nude? No, no, no. I've told you, I've swum in the pool in the nude because I just feel it.

exhilarating. I don't go around the house with a need. Even though it's just me and darling there, it doesn't make much difference what goes on there. This player, buddy, is 41 from 50 this year. He's a big chance here. So you're tipping it in? I'm saying in. Goal. G-O-A-L.

And he's missed it. Well done, Gav. 12-4 for Spurs. Mr Confidence, what about if the pipes are clogged? How can you find that out? Well, don't you have the laxatives in your drawer next to your bed? When's the last time your pipes were clogged? Not for a while. Not since after last Christmas year. My pipes get cleaned regularly. The top 60 mil, what's that in inches? I don't know. Same as yours, one. LAUGHTER

That's centimetres, you wimper. So how many millimetres are in a centimetre? It's 10 mil to a centimetre. So there's six centimetres. Yes. The top six centimetres. Yeah, the top six centimetres. And how many centimetres are there in an inch? I don't know. I'm counting inches. Mate, you're hopeless. Well, how many is there? I don't know.

No, I'm not the bloody autocultist. I don't bloody do inches. I do centimetres and mils. I don't live in America. You do centimetres because it sounds bigger. What's the issue with the ground announcer here, Brady? What's the problem, Brady? Well, I don't like it when the ground announcer here is also the ground announcer at the Roosters. I think the ground announcer should be unique to each ground. Rex at Norellin.

Hello, Rick. Listen, Captain Double Standard's Mr. Breen. Can you just take a step back? Are you telling me that you're loyal to a current affair? How come you're collecting the cash on the continuous call team? This is a good point.

This is a good point. No, no, no. Answer that, Jabba George. Do you want to have a bet over 100? So you blokes think Salty would beat me? Yeah. Yeah, I do. Are you serious? I don't. Mate, he'd be hopeless. All he used to do was run it across the baseline. Get him in the net for a little volley or something. I mean, come on. I do have to say. Grant's at Laidley. G'day, Grant. G'day, Mark. Mate, long story short, is you're going to beat him a couple of furlongs. He got lost in a two-and-a-half-k war. LAUGHTER

I'm dead set.