Shaq: "Google Shaq in a pink thong"
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Well, whether it's in everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. But now, all you need to do is answer that and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need. Angie has over 20 years of home service experience.

and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online or with the Angie app, answer a few questions and Angie can handle the rest from start to finish or help you compare quotes from multiple pros and connect instantly, which

Hey guys, welcome to the Really Good Podcast with your host, Bobby Althoff. I'm here with, can you introduce yourself, please? My name is Dr. Shaquille O'Neal.

Doctor, where did you go to school? I went to Berry University to have a PhD in education. Do you really? Yes, ma'am. And it's not honorary. Like you actually went? Yes, ma'am. Well, congratulations on your career as a doctor. Thank you. What type of medicine do you practice? No, not that type of doctor. What type of doctor are you? I'm not a medical doctor.

You're a psychiatrist? No. You have a minor in psychology. You have a minor? Oh. Yes. So you're like a therapist? I can be if I want to. Okay. I also could have been a professor, but I don't. You don't want to do that? No. Do you see patients regularly? All the time. And they talk to you about their problems? They don't talk. They just listen. You just talk to them? Yes. About your problems? Yes. Okay.

And they pay you for that? Well, they don't pay me, but. Why do you do that? Charity? Because I'm the love doctor. Okay. And they don't pay me because if they paid me, that would be illegal. So I guess it's free. Great. Thank you for sharing that with me. Yes, ma'am.

Well, thank you for seeing me and being on my podcast today. I do appreciate you doing that, taking your time. I'm a big fan of yours. I actually love you dearly. Oh, wow. Thank you. I do. I appreciate that. I like your sunglasses. Thank you. Do you always wear them? Yes, ma'am. You never take them off even when you shower? No. That doesn't get uncomfortable? I don't really shower. Ever? No. I can kind of tell. Mm-hmm.

- It smells a little bit in here. - I smell like roses, right? - Mm-hmm. - Thank you. I like wearing old ladies perfume. - Do you take it from an old lady or you just go to the store and you ask for it? - My robbery days are over, I just go to the store. - I didn't mean like steal it. I meant like, do you get it from a store or do you-- - Yes, I get it from the store. - Okay, you don't like meet up with an old lady and ask her for whatever she uses, no? - No, the deal is I don't do old ladies yet, but I am checking in old folks home when I turn 69.

That's soon, isn't that? No, that's 18 years from now. Okay, that's much further than I thought. It's going to be fun. Do you have friends that are going to check in with you? Yeah, I got Brian, I got Logan, I got Scoop, I got D-Mac, I got Joe, I got Ken Dogg. We're going to have fun. Okay, they want to do this too. No, they're going to have to. Okay, you don't want to stay home with your family? That will be my home.

Is your family going to come with you? No, just me. Do you have kids? You don't have kids? They say I have a lot of kids, but Maury Povich has been canceled, so we'll never know. I'm sorry to hear that. So what do you do now? Just you're a doctor and that's it? Doctor, DJ. DJ? Yeah. Can you tell me more about that? What does that mean? Like when you get behind two little CDJs or turntables and you play music and the crowd jumps up and down.

You like doing that? Yes. You like when the crowd jumps up and down? Yeah. That's kind of cool. Reminds me of a game, basketball game. Has anybody ever told you that you might be good at basketball? You were kind of tall when you walked in. Yeah, people have said I was the best back in the day, a long time ago. You played basketball? Yeah, when you were a toddler. That's, wow. I don't know.

When I was a toddler, you played basketball. - Where were you born? - '97. - Yeah, I came in in 1992. Won my first championship when you were three, four, and five years old. - Wow. - In LA, that's where you're from, right? - Sort of, like inland more, but yeah. - What's inland? - Like Corona area, Riverside, that way. - Oh, Riverside, okay. - Yeah. - I used to go hunting in Riverside. - Where? - Wild boar. - Is that legal?

Yes, it is. Hunting in Riverside? Yep, wild boar. Never heard of such a thing. In the mountains. When you were like not playing basketball, you went hunting? Yes, after games. After games. Yep, because you want to get there by 6 a.m. so you can kill the coyotes. So you're hunting coyotes and wild boar? Coyotes and wild boar, yes. That's pretty cool. Thank you. A coyote ate my dog when I was younger. I'm sorry to hear that.

I hope you killed that coyote. Me too. It was in the same area, so maybe you did. Me too. Still makes me sad when I think about it. I can get you a new puppy if you like.

Can you? I sure can. Because you have a lot of money? Nope, because I know you have beautiful children and children love Uncle Shaq, so whatever you need, I got you. Okay, you want to be their uncle? I am their uncle. You are? Yes. Okay, let's have them meet next time you're in LA. No problem. They would like to meet you. They're a little bit smaller than you, not by much though. That's fine. My kids are in the 98th percentile for height.

So they're, yeah, they're about that. Got it. My daughter is projected to be eight feet tall. Eight feet? Yeah, how tall are you? I'm seven foot one. Yeah, she's going to be taller than you. I hope not. Why? I don't want her to be that tall. I want her to be like you, very petite and beautiful. Oh my God, thank you for calling me beautiful. You didn't know you were beautiful? I just didn't think you'd call me that. You're gorgeous.

Thank you. I actually thought you were like 21. You're 26. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not. Not 21. Those days are behind me. Yeah. I'm a mother. I've got children. I'm old. Not old. All right, guys. This episode of The Really Good Podcast is being rolled by Cash App. You know it. You use it. You love it. I use it. I love it. But today I want to share with you guys something that you may have never heard of before. The pink card.

the pink card has something called offers which gets you instant discounts on things like groceries podcasting equipment so you guys can follow after me there are no minimum balance requirements and no monthly fees this card is fully customizable so you can do whatever you want to it to personalize it you can draw on it whatever shows your personality best look at mine it says my name because i love myself as soon as you're done watching my podcast you can order your pink card and match with me don't get my name or do i don't really care

Actually, guys, I was thinking about it and I'm going to allow you to do this while you're watching my podcast. So while you're finishing it up, go ahead, get your phone out and order your pink card now. Have a great day. Now back to your show. Order your pink card with Cash App. You're married? No, ma'am. Okay. What's that ring on your finger? It's a camera. Oh, God. I'm looking at you. Can you turn it off, please? Nope. I don't like cameras on me. It never goes off. I don't like cameras on me. This is a certain angle.

That's a bad angle. I like the camera to come from the front if they're going to be on me. Okay, I'll do it like that then. Thank you. Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs projects done well. I absolutely love this because you know if you own a home, it can be really hard to maintain. It's hard to find people that can help you for a big project or a small.

Well, whether it's in everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. But now, all you need to do is answer that and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need. Angie has over 20 years of home service experience.

and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online or with the Angie app, answer a few questions and Angie can handle the rest from start to finish or help you compare quotes from multiple pros and connect instantly, which

which means you can take care of just about any home project in just a few taps. Because when it comes to getting the most out of your home, you can do this when you Angie that. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com. Hi. It never turns off. Okay. Are you just going to hold your hand like that the rest of the interview? You want me to? It's your camera. I'll turn it off. Thank you.

But I'll turn it back on. Okay. Then I'll turn it off. Okay, thank you. I appreciate you doing that. Yes. Do you play sports? No, not anymore. Why? Too old. Are you? 51 years old. You don't look like you're 51. Thank you. I thought you were my age. I wish I was your age. I'd be making $700 million right now. Why? Because a lot of these young guys that are my age, that's what they're making. That's not what you were making back then? No, I wish I was.

Have you tried to play again? Yes, I have and I'm terrible at it. I don't believe that. I can't even jump. You can't jump at all? I feel like you don't even have to jump. You're already reaching wherever you need to reach. I gotta jump a little bit and I just had hip surgery and I don't want to have my hip out of place. Oh, that makes it difficult. Who's this sick symbol? My videographer? No, not the guy in the black shirt. He's hot. That's your PR person. No, I don't know that guy. He really is.

He's not on your team? He's not. He's yours. No, he's yours. I swear he's yours. I don't know this guy. He's... No, this guy. Not that guy. Him. The guy in the black shirt. Yeah, the actor looking guy. He does look like an actress. Yes. It's your guy. No, I said an actor, not an actress. Oh, okay. An actor. My bad. Ask him if he's your guy. He's not my guy. That's... He's your guy. No, he's your guy. I promise you. Is he my guy? Oh, he is. Oh, he is.

Who is he? Who the frick is Franz? PR. What PR? We don't need PR. See, you're fired, Franz. I don't even know who that is. At least now he can get a career in acting. I thought he was with you. Not with me. Oh, okay. He's a good looking dude. Yeah, he's good looking. Yeah, he really is. I can't believe you didn't know he was with you. No, I didn't know he was with me. Well, now that you've fired him, you should try to get him a job in modeling or something. And who's the guy with the big ears?

- Oh my God, he's my agent. - Is he with me too? - He's not with you. - Oh, okay, he's with you, okay, got it. - Yeah, you get the good looking team. - What's his name? - Grayson. - Grayson what? - I don't know. He just takes money from me. He just takes money from me. I don't know anything about him. - Is he from Earth?

- Looks like he's from Mars or somewhere. - You're just saying what I've been thinking, so thank you. - I'm just saying. - Yeah. - You know, they've been finding a lot of alien ships and all this stuff. - I do, yeah. - He doesn't look human. - Yeah. - Who's the guy with the dark glasses? Who the hell would wear dark glasses in the daytime? Only an idiot would wear freaking black.

Who is this dude with the damn, with the hard hat on and the dumb glasses? The call is coming from inside the house. Is he with you too? No. Do you not know who you employ? I got three people here. Well, four now. You don't. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. You have seven people here. No. Yes. I have one, two, three, and four. No, you don't. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Oh my God. Come here. I know you. Come here. Yeah, you.

What are you going to say about him? Come here. I want you to sit right here. Hey, Carrot Top, I found your son. I found your son, Carrot Top. Here he is. Looks like you know who Carrot Top is? No. You don't know who Carrot Top is? No, but that guy looks sensitive. Are you sure you want to say that about him? Carrot Top is a positive guy. It's a positive thing. Okay. Yes, it is. Don't worry. You don't have to cry anymore. You know him? No. I know you know her. No.

- Okay. - But she said that after this, I can go to your show with her. But I just met her like five minutes ago. - Yes, 8:30. I wanna see you there. - 8:30? - Yeah. - My flight's at 10. - Well, what if I put you on my plane? - You have your own plane? - I have two of them. - Two? That's pretty cool. How often do you fly on them? - Every day. - That's probably a lot better than, where are you going though? - Where are we going tomorrow? We're going to Houston. - I have to go to LA.

Well, you can drop us off first and then you can... Is that how that works? You just like open it and I skydive or something? No, I would never throw you out. Oh, thank you.

- Actually, you know what? If you wanna go skydiving with me, I'll do that. - Will you? - Yes. - Can you? - I don't know. - I don't think so. - Think about it. - I don't think so. I think you're a little too tall. - I know you get 10, 20 million views, but if you wanna get 100 million views, me and you should go skydiving. - Okay, I think we're gonna have to make a special shoot for you. - Well, it doesn't matter, 'cause if my shoot doesn't work and you're right under me, we're both going down, so.

- You want me and you to go together? - Yes, I want you to go with me. - You realize then you'd have to get qualified to be like an instructor? - No. - What, just 'cause you get to bend rules 'cause you're famous? - No, we probably get to take the little, you know they got those little similar things that you fly in, so we'll just do that for about 20 hours. - Okay. - Or when we're out, we'll do that. - Okay. - And we'll get qualified and then-- - So it's like a whole job. - Let's do it. - Okay, and then in exchange, you're gonna let me fly your plane to LA? - Deal. - I flew first class for the first time. - You did? - Yeah.

- It was really fun. - Did you like it? - Yeah, it was a lot better than economy. Why don't they treat you good in economy? But then if you said, you've never flown on a regular plane. - I haven't flown economy in about 20 years. - Yeah, it's not good. They're not nice back there. But if you sit in the front of the plane, they're nice to you. And then you don't have to follow the rules either. - Got it. - Yeah. You've been living that life though here. This is a nice hotel. - This is. I was on top of you. - Like your room?

Is above mine? Yeah, what'd you think I was talking about? I don't, I was just asking for clarification. Well, yeah, I was, I'm, I'm, this room up here. It's a really large room. Yes. Do you use the gym in it? No, I don't need the gym. I'm already sexy. You don't hear my theme song? Yeah. What's my theme song? I don't know it. Can you sing it? If you guess my theme song right now, I'll give $10,000 to your favorite charity. Oh, God. I'm going to give you a hint. This is intimidating. Oh, my God, what is happening? I'm just giving you a hint.

I don't know what that could possibly mean. I don't. I'm too sexy for my shirt. I'm too sexy for my shirt. I wouldn't have guessed. How are you doing that? Is there something in there? Looks like when I have my breast pump on, that's what it looks like. What's a breast pump? For breast milk. I know that as one of my friend Logan's, he uses a breast pump. Why does he use one? I don't think maybe you know what I'm talking about.

I met Logan at a store and he was milking a cat. Did you know you can milk a cat? Who's Logan? Some guy that works for me. You have a lot of interesting people who work for you. I do. He was milking a cat? I never knew you could milk a cat, but Logan does it very well. And he even has a theme song, but I'm not going to say it. I'm not going to say that song to you, but it's a girl song. Okay. I appreciate you not saying it then. Got it.

What's your day? What's your day look like today? Are you sure this guy worked for me with the old handsome slacks? Yeah. Take the slacks off, dude. Put on some jeans.

He looks like he's from England or something. It does. It's getting better. It's getting better with my jeans. He's like not though. He's from like Florida or something. How do you know that? Because he works for you. Ha ha ha. Because he got here before you. He's an industry plant. Ha ha ha. Yes, he is. No, he walked in before you got here. Yeah, but I don't know him. You do. He said he's Zoom called with you before. No, but you know so much about him.

Because he came in before you. No. And he was talking to us. No. No, he didn't. Yes, he did. No, he did not. Yes, he did. No, he did not. Yes, he did. No, he did not. Okay. You can fire him if you want, but I just want you to know that he does work for you. You're his biggest client, he actually told me.

I never met that guy in my life. - Okay, well, I guess he doesn't have a job anymore, but. - Are you leaving tonight for real? - Yeah. - Why? - Because I have to get home to my kids. - Yeah, that's a good reason. - You, what? - And what's the baby's names? - I don't share their names on the internet. - Got it, I understand that. Just tell them Uncle Shaq said hello. - I'll tell them. You can know their real names off the record. - Yes, ma'am. - It's Richard and Concrete. - I understand. - Yeah.

- You ever watch MacGyver? - No. - I saw a scene one time where he took curtains and he put some string to it and he made a hang glider. You wanna try it? - Right now? - Well, your weight is probably better than mine. - Okay, what does it do? - Like he took this and he took some shoe strings. - Okay. - And he attached it to the curtain and he hang glided it to the bottom. - Okay. Have you ever gone ice skating? - No. - Why not? - Black people don't ice skate. - Okay. Have you ever gone bowling?

- Yes. - Are you good? - I like the ghetto bowl though. - What's that? - When you put up the rails and then you call your shot. - I put the rails up too. - But you don't call your shot. - What does that mean? - Like off the rail three times strike. - Oh, no, I don't do that. Is it more fun? - Yeah, especially if you play strip bowling. - You just do that in a regular bowling alley? - No, I don't do it. I actually saw Logan and Jeremy have a strip bowl match one time. - Who's this Logan guy?

- Just after he milks his cat, he goes and-- - Would you like to see his face? - Yeah. - Come here, Logan. - Oh my God. - This is Logan the cat milker. - Logan the cat milker. - Okay, is he your friend? - No, I just met him actually. - Okay, stop lying about him. I think that's illegal. - No, I know him and I know Jeremy. I don't know these two guys. - You just met them? Okay, well.

Apparently the guy with the tight ass slacks worked for me, but I'm gonna have to change the dress code. - He probably like picked those out just for today. - I don't like it 'cause you can see his butt print when he walks. I don't like that. - It doesn't really go with, yeah. - Thank you, I agree. - Yeah. Good thing we're firing him. - I know I loved you. - I knew I loved you from the moment I learned about you this morning. - Would you like to try these on? - Sure. Can you see my eyes right now? - No. - I see why you wear them.

it's kind of cool makes you look gorgeous sir thank you for inventing a word to describe me that's in the dictionary gorgeous sir yes it's better than gorgeous it's not in the dictionary it's not it's called the bpd bpd black people's dictionary okay i've never read that dictionary but i'll look into it i got another word okay finna okay i'm finna go eat after i do this podcast what are you gonna eat

Probably two club sandwiches, fries. Two? Yeah, two with extra mayo on the side. On the side? Yeah. And then you're going to put it in? No, put it in, put it on. Why wouldn't you just ask for them to do that? That feels like hard work for you. Because they don't know what my extra is. But you don't have a chef that just does that? Yes, I do. But your extra and my extra might be two different extras. But your chef should know your extra. But my chef's not here. Oh, you didn't bring him? No. You can't afford to? No.

That's why you want to play basketball again? Yes. I hope more people come to your shows so that you can afford more mayo on your... Yeah, I know. Is it going okay for you? Yeah, well, they say that I'm a pretty good dubstep DJ. You know what my nickname is? No. The Dubstep Dad. Did you come up with that? No.

No. I read it. You read it? Yeah. The dubstead dad. Dubstep dad. Dubstep dad. Dub. Dub. Step. Step. Dad. Dad. Okay. And you like doing this and you make money doing it? No, I probably lose money, but. That's how I started with the podcast. I lost money. But now I make money. I know you make a lot of money. I do. I heard. You heard? Yeah.

From who? I'm a fan of yours. Oh, you didn't hear it from the guy with the socks? I don't know him. Okay. So people like your music? I think they do. They like to headbang. Can you do that harder? You got to bite the bottom lip. Why? Because it's a... Why do they do that? Because it's a rough... It's like the roughest form of EDM. You like watching people make that face at you? Yeah. Ready? Go.

Uh, yeah, like that. Teeth and then... Okay. I don't want people to see me do that. Just... Thank you. I did it. Twice. You look like a bunny. No, it's not a bunny. A mad bunny. No, you just look like a little bunny. No, a cycle. You look like you're trying to look like... Oh, wow. Yeah, cycle. That's what you look like. Yeah. But you gotta do it twice so you can't do it once. I'm okay. Please? Okay.

You're smiling. You can't smile when you hear that. Okay, you make the sound and then I'll try it. You're smiling again. Stop. Okay, I'm ready. Huh? Yeah, what is it? Guerrilla warfare. Sounds scary. Dangerous. Okay. Want to know why I like that? Yeah, I think you're going to tell me anyway.

Your hands are really, really big. But go ahead. Can I use the sexy guy? Go ahead. I'll tell the story. It's your guy, so I don't care. Just stand right here and put your face next to me and don't move. No matter what I do, don't move. No, but look at me. So this is a true story. Every zoo I go to in the world, every zoo, when I go to the gorilla cage, this is how they approach me. And they look at me like that.

And they're probably saying to myself, they're probably saying to themselves, how did you get out there and we're in here? See, I can relate to the gorillas. That's why we call it the Gorilla Warfare. And Gorilla Marketing is, you know, we wanted to, we wanted to, you know, earn our reputation from the streets, from the scenes. So, good work, my dear. Good work, my dear. You saw how he was breathing on me? It's pretty. You all right, bro? But yeah, so that's why I named it Gorilla Warfare.

I don't know if you like it. When does it come out? It's already out. And we're blazing the charts. I don't listen to much music, but I'll listen to it. What does it say it's by when I look it up? Excuse me? When I look it up, what do I search on Spotify? Shaquille O'Neal, Guerrilla Warfare. I thought you went by something else. DJ Diesel. Okay, so I don't look that up? Same person. They have many different names. One's a basketball player. And one's a DJ. Yeah. One's a doctor. And one is SAF.

Huh? S-A-F. Saf? Yeah, Saf. What is that? What do you... I'm showing them what S-A-F stands for. Do you do that just when you're by yourself? How did you even learn to do that? How did you know you could do that? It just happens. I don't believe that that just happens. It does. You're sitting there one day and you're like, what's happening to my chest? And it just does that. It just does that on its own. It has a mind of its own. Your boob has a mind of its own.

Boobs? I don't think it's called a boob. I think it's called a boob. No, I think it's called chest. It's a boob. Chest. You have one weird boob. I have one weird boob too, so we can relate. I don't know anything about that. Okay, well you can learn about breastfeeding. Nope. Yep. It's a normal thing. I don't want to go down that line. I was getting ready to say, but I don't want to go there today. You're going to get in trouble.

You can stop doing that then. I'm not doing anything. I know you're doing that. I'm not doing anything. Okay, well, what size shoe do you wear? 22. Look at my foot. You know what they say about men with big feet? No. They wear big shoes. Camera's back on you. Okay. Can you put your foot against mine? Oh my God. It's like, you have like three of my feet. Would you like to walk in my shoes? Deal. Walk a mile in your shoes. Is that a song?

I feel like I've heard that in a song. No, I think the song goes, walk like an Egyptian. I don't think we're talking about the same song. Yeah, walk. Walk this way. Is that what you're talking about? That song? No. Got it. You never answered if you had kids. I do have six. That's a lot of children. Slash 13. How many? Six slash 15. Why is there a slash between? I never said that.

You're saying six slash 13. I never did that. I said six slash 13. No, you did not. No, my mouth never moved. My mouth never moved. Your whole head moved. Six slash 13. No, it didn't move. You said six. No, I said six. No, six and then I stopped slash 13. See? You can play it back. I don't play it back like I want. My lips never move. You did that. So you have six. I have six. Three boys, three girls.

How old are they? Maybe seven, maybe eight, maybe nine. I have one your age. How old is she? 26? Yes. A girl? Yes. Does she also have two kids? No, no kids for her. Not yet? Not ever. Why? Because I said so. Because every time my boyfriend comes by, I just go and they leave. I can't imagine you being like my dad. How much longer do we have? As long as you want, because I love you.

- That's not true, it's not as long as I want. - As long as you want. - That's not true. No, your PR person who you refuse to say is your PR person said that you have to be out of here by 2:45. - I don't know him, so. - He told me that. - What time is it? - So we have this room till four o'clock and you need to have a hard exit at three. - What time is it now? - It's 2:39. - How long do you want? - I think about four more hours would be good. - Let's do it. - Okay.

Thank you. I appreciate it. I know your time is valuable. Anything for you, princess. I can't think of any questions right now, so can I have a little bit of time to think? Yes, ma'am. I'll wait. I'll just rejuvenate myself. 60%? Have you ever ridden a horse? Yeah, he tried to kill me. I can see why. What type of horse did you ride? It was a 22-hand Persian Ron. Is that a really big horse? Big horse.

But what I didn't know is he was a carriage horse. And then when I tried to get on him, he tried to bronco billy me. Did you just make this story up right now? No, ma'am. I have footage on my phone. I will get it to. Of you riding a carriage horse? Yes. I will give it to a tight pants. Were you drunk?

- No. - You just went up to a horse that was holding a carriage and you were gonna jump on it? How did that happen? - No, he was a carriage horse and then another guy owned him and then I bought him from the guy. - And then you tried to ride it? - Yeah, but the guy didn't tell me he was a carriage horse. - And you're seven feet tall. - Yep. - And you tried to ride a horse. - And then we went on horse facts. You know how they have car facts? We went on horse facts. - Okay. - Told me facts about the horse. - And now they have to put that it was damaged by you?

Nope. He's in Orlando eating snacks. Oh, good. That's good. What are things that you wish you could do but you're too tall for? Skydive. Yeah. Scuba dive. You're too tall to scuba dive? Yeah. I feel like if you just stand up in the ocean, you can reach the bottom. No, but I'm too heavy. Because when you scuba dive, they give you weights. And then when I went down, I hit the button, but I never came back up. You're still there. Almost drowned. But then my instincts kicked in.

And then what'd you do? Just flail until you... I just said the famous word, Shaqmoo. Shaq what? Shaqmoo, like Shamu. Oh. And then I just did like that and then I was at the top. Do you ever say, tell me stories that are real? Yeah. What percentage of the stories you're telling me are actually real? 99.7%. Which one was not real? They were all real. But one was a little bit false? No, 99.7%. That's an A+.

- There's still room in there for improvement. You could tell me stories. - Yeah, but I don't wanna be perfect. - What type of car do you sit in? - I have a Ford F-150 and a Dodge Charger. - Do you have to lay down in the back seat? - No, I have to move the seat back nine inches. - Did you have to custom make it to do that? - Nope. - You can just sit in it? - I don't like custom stuff. That's for rich people. - Yeah, and you're so broke. - I am actually. - Are you really?

I'm sorry to hear that. It's okay. Do you need me to loan you some money? No. Are you sure? I don't take handouts. Nope. I'm doing okay right now, so I can. Right now? I read your bio. Okay, that wasn't true. I'm not a millionaire, but I can help you out. Actually, you are. You just don't want to tell people you're a millionaire. Actually, I'm not. Nice move. Actually, you are. I know what you make.

How did you find out? It's called internet. It's called it's not Google-able. I didn't use Google. Oh, is there some celebrity database that you're allowed to use nobody else can? It's called ChatGPT. And it calculated how much it thinks I make? Yes. Okay, well, that's false. It can input this in there then?

You say it's false. I don't think it is. I don't have millions of dollars. I was just offering to buy you a meal or something. Actually, you do have millions, but I understand what you're doing. You don't want people to know you're rich. All good. And you want people to think you're poor. I am. You're not. I am. Do you think poor, do they just let you stay in this hotel for free? This is a little room. I don't do little rooms. Oh. I couldn't afford a big room. Do you know what city you're in? This is not little.

This is, where are we? Hold on, let me look at the buildings. You can't see the buildings when your glasses are down? Looks like New York. Are we in New York? I know we were in Atlantic City. Is Atlantic City in New York? No, it's New Jersey. Yeah, we're in New York. I don't know where that is. Never heard of Atlantic City. It's in New Jersey. It's a beach town. Okay, sounds fun. I went to the beach yesterday, but I had to leave. Why'd you have to leave? Because I had my thongs on and people were taking ass shots, so I had to leave.

- If I Google that, will it come up? - No. - That's good. - We deleted all the footage. - Why were you doing that? - I thought I was gonna be alone and I had some pink thongs. I actually have footage of me in the pink thong. Actually, if you have your guy, look it up. Can you type in Shaq in the pink thong? You? She'll show you. We have footage. - Okay.

You don't believe me. I don't care. No, you look like you don't believe me. Even if that was true, I don't want to see it. And I'm going to show you that the 99.7% truth is truthful. Watch. What's her name? The police are coming right now to get you for talking about this. I am the police. Okay. It's really, is she just finding a random picture? Oh, no. It's not a random picture. It's what I said it was. I'm going to go to images. No, she typed in Shaq playing pinball.

No, I said Shaq in a pink thong. Jeez. How did she even get that from that? Shaq in a pink thong. Now I can see how she heard that. No, I never said pinball. I said pink thong. I'm saying it kind of sounds like that. No, it does not. Pink, hold on. Pink thong pinballs. No. Shaq in a pink thong. Pink. Because you think I'm a liar. I just don't want to see that. No, you want to see it because you think I'm lying to you. Oh, I want her to look at it first. Here you go, young lady.

This is the shot I told you it was. What do you see there? Say it again. He's in a pink thong. Would you like to see the video? Me on the beach in a pink thong? Oh my God. You didn't believe that? Here, there we go. Camera, you want to zoom in on that? Mr. Editor, matter of fact, I'll let you go. It is a thong. Well, little shorts. I put little shorts, not a thong, but I look sexy, don't I?

Do you need me to buy you bigger shorts? No, I'm just saying. That looks good. What's your address? Which one? Just the one that... I can go to the store right now. There's a store right there. And buy me what? Bigger shorts. No, I'm good. I like those. Okay. But you didn't believe I was telling the truth. I did not. I told you, 97.7%. I thought this was maybe the .7, 8, 9, 10, 3, .3. No. Okay, well...

I strongly advise you to never do that again. You know how I travel around in New York? In a pink thong? No, I have a smart car. I know you don't believe it. Can you type Shaq in a smart car in New York? This is my car. It's parked downstairs. We can go for a ride if you like. I'm okay. Okay. Can you fit two people in a lot? No, just me. But again, you're looking like you don't believe that story. Would you like her to read it? Would you like her to read it? Go ahead, tell her.

Shaq in a smart car. 97.8. It just went up. Anything else you want to know? Why did you do that? Because you looked at me. You just wanted publicity about that? No, you just looked at me like I was a liar and I would never lie to you because I love you. I love you. I would never lie to you. I'm asking why you would go in a smart car. Because I don't.

That's the only thing I can afford now, but I don't like to travel like a big time. You're bad at saving money? Yeah. You didn't save any money from your entire basketball career? Not $1? No. $1. You should sell something. Like your smart car. No. Never getting rid of Shelly. Like $10. That's her name, Shelly. You know my favorite interview you did? You know? How would I know that? I'm asking, do you know? I'm answering, how would I know that? I'm just saying, guess. Guess.

Call him out. See if you're right. I don't know. Did Mark Cuban? Are you friends with him? I know Mark. He's a really cool guy. Yes. He has a lot of money. A lot of money. You should ask him for some so you can stop driving a smart car. No, I don't like handouts. But do you know what my favorite interview? I don't know. Can you answer that, please? This one. Ha ha. That was really clever. What are you doing? Are you a mime? What are you doing? I want you to figure it out. I...

am boob i'm a boob i love you for that means ever and ever and ever

That doesn't mean that generally. Yes, it does. I just made it up. So it means that. Well, now when people go to your concerts, they can go like, I love you forever and ever. You've heard that. If you go to a shock. And you know where they saw that first? Right here. Okay. Thank you. I'm glad. You're a trendsetter. Thank you. Thank you for coming today to do that. It was such an honor to have this conversation with you. I feel like I really got to know a lot about you. Yeah. A lot about you.

Three times. Ever, ever, ever. Yeah, so three times. Okay, well. Ever, ever, ever. I can go four if you like. I was just, I was trying to get it down, so when I was going to do it back there, I don't want to do it. Yeah, but you got to open the fingers and spread it. Okay. Swimming through it. No, no, not grabbing, swimming. Nice. There it is right there. Yes, thank you. Okay, well.

Dr. What was it? Dr. Shaquille O'Neal. Okay, Dr. Shaquille O'Neal. I'm a cop too. He's not a cop. Can you type in Detective Shaquille O'Neal, please? That's enough. He's not a cop. He's not. Can you just type in Detective Shaquille O'Neal? I don't even believe you ever played basketball. I don't believe anything you say. I'm just trying to tell you that I respect you and love you so much I would never lie to you. It actually went up. It's 97.8%.

You just said that the last time, so it didn't go up. No, but I said 97.7 the first time. And then you said 90, no. What is this? Detective Shaq. What is this? Is that real? I don't know, is it? I feel like I learned nothing about you today, and this was honestly a little bit of a waste of my time. If it was real, I would have a badge right here. Yeah. You sure? You want me to pull it out?

I mean, that didn't sound right, but you sure you want me to take out my wallet and show you my badge? I took it that way the first time I said it. You didn't have to. All right. See that? Why do you own that? I'm just telling you. What is that? Why? What is that? Oh, I don't know what that is. Oh, man. But don't tell anybody because I'm undercover. Okay. I am. Okay, doctor. I'm undercover. Okay. Okay.

Well, thank you. I've tried to end the podcast like six times now. I don't want to end it. I can tell. Is there something you want to say? I just want to say I love you forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever. Love you too. And tell the kiddos Uncle Shaq said hello. I'll let them know. They don't know who you are, but. Can I send them a convertible Jeep? Okay. I'm serious. Okay. I will be waiting. No, you don't believe me. I'm serious. I hope you're serious this time. I really do hope you're serious. I can do it right now.

- Okay, are you just gonna snap your fingers and someone's gonna send one? - No, but I can make a phone call and it'll be at your house before you get there. - I would love that. - Okay. - They would love that too. They're tired of squeezing into my little tiny car. - No, it's a Jeep that's jacking off by themselves. - Oh, that's stupid. Don't send them that. - No, a little Jeep. - I thought you were talking about a big one. - No, like the little Jeep from Walmart. - They're too small for that. - No, the little Jeep. - They're babies. - The Jeep from Walmart. - Yes, they're babies. - They're one and, well, I don't want to tell you. - One and three. - That's perfect.

That's not perfect. They wouldn't. It has a remote control. I don't even, they would get hit if they were driving on the street. I don't have like a yard they could drive that in. They won't. Okay. Well, maybe don't send that. I'll donate it. Can you tell what song I'm thinking right now? Hopefully it's Goodbye. No. Roam if you want to. Roam around the world. Okay. Well, thank you so much for coming today. Can you tell what next song I'm thinking?

Come a, come a, come a, come a, come a chameleon. You know what these songs have in common? Mm-hmm. I have all the white guy classics in my head. You do. Since you've been gone, she's been reaching to me. Good job. Thank you. You should start singing too. All that she wants is another baby. She's gone tomorrow.

I'm going to put my microphone down and then this is going to end. So if you still keep going, it's not going to be recorded. All right. You first. Okay. Thank you for coming today. Same time. Three. I thought you were done. I'm done. I was just waiting to see if you had anything else. Same time. Okay. Thank you for coming today. Have a great flight wherever you're flying to. Goodbye. I thought you were putting the microphone down. No. Over there. Why are you doing your cop thing right now?

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