Advice For Choosing A Life Partner | Ep 249
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Something that separates those who win at the highest level from those who don't. They have an immense amount of support. The real support that they have is the person they share their life with. In fact, Harvard research found that 99% of your success is tied to your reference group, which is the five people that you spend the most time with. Your significant other isn't just part of that group, they dominate it. By the end of this video, you will have the tools to take a

step back to look at your life and honestly ask yourself, is the person that I'm with fueling my ambition or are they draining me of it? Here's the thing. I have been there. I was in a relationship where everything seemed fine on the surface. At first, this person was super supportive. Over time, there was these little cracks and little seeds of doubt that I started to notice. The more I grew, the more this person pulled back. If you and your partner are not aligned, you're not just like pulling at each other, but you're

actively working against each other's goals. And even if it's unintentional, this creates something that I call mutual sabotage. Okay, you might think that you're building something, but your efforts are quietly being dismantled by competing priorities, not to mention resentment.

And so walking away was one of the hardest decisions of my life because at that point, it'd been one of the longest relationships I'd ever been in. But if I look back, it was also the best decision and the most freeing because the moment that I let go of somebody who held me back, I made room for somebody who lifted me up

And when I met Alex, my now husband, that's when everything changed. There's really three types of support systems I've seen work the best. The first one is quarterback. This is when your partner is in it with you to win the game. You're going shoulder to shoulder and you're sharing the load. When you grind, they grind. When you're down, they're there to pick you back up.

They understand your vision because it's their vision too. And when you're closer to achieving yours, they get closer to achieving theirs. There's no sacrifice here. It's not that one of you is doing it to help the other. You both want to get there. The second dynamic is the cheerleader. Not everybody needs to be in the trenches with you. And that's not what's best for everybody.

Sometimes the best partner is the one that is simply cheering on from the side. So maybe they're not directly involved in everything that you're building, but their belief in you is unwavering. They are the safe place that you need to recharge. They're the first person to celebrate your wins. This dynamic works because even though they're not carrying the load with you, they're actively encouraging you to carry it better. And the last dynamic I've seen is what I call zero interference. Somebody who doesn't do anything.

They're not dragging you down. Maybe they're not pushing you up. They're not an energy vampire. There's no passive aggressive comments to kill your momentum. Your partner should at a minimum create a neutral environment where you can thrive because they do not provide any interference. Because if they're pulling you backwards while you're trying to push forwards, that creates a losing game. The right partner doesn't just add to your life. They will multiply your momentum.

They will make you stronger. They will make you faster. They will make you more focused. So when you meet this person, you will feel like all of your best attributes got put on steroids. Take Alex and me. We are not just partners in life. We're partners in every single thing we do because we didn't just have a shared life. We had a shared vision. If he wins, I win.

That kind of alignment creates personal power for both of us, not just in the short term, but in the long haul. Because you know that despite the whole world having ulterior motives, the one person that you share your life with at least does not. People ask, well, how do I know if my partner is doing this for me or not? Look at your health, look at your wealth, look at your friendships, look at your business, look at your career. Did they make it better or worse? A study from the University of California found that couples

with conflicting career or life goals are 60% more likely to experience relationship and life stress and dissatisfaction. Now, why? Because here's the truth. You can't chase big goals with small-minded people supporting you. They are not just dead weight. They drain your energy, they drain your confidence, they drain your potential, and you get worse. And that realization, me having that realization, is why this video matters. I wanna explain how relationships impact work so you understand.

Okay, the first is that your work punishes your partner. Chasing big goals is not easy. But here's the thing. If your partner feels like they're the collateral damage of your ambition, that resentment will poison everything. It does not matter how noble your intentions are or how clear you've been with that person about what you want to do. If they feel neglected, if they feel underappreciated, it will bleed into the relationship.

And eventually that resentment will either explode or it will quietly, quietly sow seeds of doubt into your focus, into your connection, your relationship, and into both of your lives. And so you have to ask yourself, does my work punish my partner? If you're constantly traveling and that makes them anxious, are they constantly being punished by your work? Someone who's supportive, they're in it with you. They would see all these things as noble because they're like, wow, it's amazing that you're accomplishing your goals. But if somebody doesn't have alignment with you,

they just see these as a negative and then your work becomes a threat to them. Now the second is that conflicting goals can also lead to mutual sabotage. Okay, so if you and your partner don't share the same vision, you're not building momentum, you're just pulling in opposite directions and creating more tension. Let's say you want to build a billion dollar business, but they want a quiet simple life on a farm. Neither of you is wrong. You're not toxic.

But the truth is both of you are going to end up frustrated. So instead of working towards a shared future, you unintentionally sabotage each other's progress. That energy does not just slow you down. It literally kills your drive over time because alignment is not optional. It is mandatory for you to reach your full potential. There's nothing wrong if your partner wants to do something else, but it's really hard to build an amazing life together and to be a completely supportive spouse if your dreams constantly conflict. The next way this affects

work is that their insecurity speaks doubt into your dreams. This one is the most dangerous because it doesn't always look like sabotage at first, because sometimes your growth, it's going to trigger their insecurities. They see you working harder. They see you dreaming bigger. They see you pushing limits. And instead of cheering you on, they start questioning the path. Why are you working so late? Do you really think you can pull this off? Do you really think this is a good idea? It might sound like healthy concern, but

A lot of the times, let's call it what it is. It's not, it's doubt. In the same way that somebody who's a hater would do it. And doubt, no matter how it shows up, is still doubt. And the more that you let it in, the more it will hold you back. And this is the most insidious form because always seems like it comes from a place of true support. It's like, oh, this isn't good for you.

You should take a break. I don't know if this is gonna work. It always seems reasonable, but reasonable people don't achieve unreasonable things. And so if you have unreasonable dreams, you want people that can support those dreams. The last thing you look at is the thing closest to you. It's just that nobody ever thinks to look there.

I understand why it's so hard to look at because it is a blind spot, but it's also the most important thing to look at. And it's why I wanted to make this video because I don't want people to get to the end of their life, not having achieved their dreams and realize it's because of the person that's been next to them the whole time. Here's the reality.

The person you choose to share your life with is either your greatest asset or your biggest liability because they will either propel you forward or weigh you down. And if their doubts, their resentments, or their conflicting goals continue to show up in your life, you need to ask yourself a hard question, which is, are they aligned with the future that you're building or are they holding you back? Because when it comes to trying to achieve your dreams, the only thing worse than going at it alone is being with somebody who's trying to prevent you from getting there at all.

It's not about monetary success. It's not about the external thing you're going to achieve. Your goals are a part of who you are. They're part of your evolution. They're part of your development as a person. They're the one thing that nobody else can take away from you. So ask yourself, are the people closest to you helping you grow or holding you back from achieving them? The relationship where I was being held back, not once when I achieved something did that person say, oh my gosh, you did a great job. And I remember on my second date with

Alex, he asked me, he said, "What do you want to do? Like, what are your ambitions? Like, what do you want to build?" And I gave him my vision for myself at the time. And I remember he said, "What if you could do that and this?" And I said, "Why would you think that I could do that?" And he said, "Do you need permission to go after your dreams?" And in that moment, I was like, "I feel so free." You know, you have all these dreams for yourself, but they feel like they're not real. But the moment that somebody else validates those dreams and they say, "Why not even try for more?"

It's like, holy shit, so you believe that it could happen? It was like the dream came out of my head and into reality. And that belief is what led me to take the first step towards my dreams. That second date provided me with more confidence than an entire five-year relationship had prior.

Here's the thing. If you want to lead people, a leader inspires people to be better people because of who they are. What I realized for myself is that I can't be the leader that I want to be. I can't be the woman I want to be. I can't be the CEO I want to be if I don't have somebody that completely supports who I am. And so for me, it's not an option to have support. It's a requirement for what I want to do. And I think if you want to do bigger and bigger things, you need bigger and bigger support systems. You can't operate

at peak performance when the foundation of your life is not at peak. Because this is the truth. Nothing, no relationship, no convenience is worth you sacrificing your dreams. And these stories that I tell you, they underline one undeniable truth, which is the person that you choose to spend your life with can either be your greatest asset or your greatest liability. And your partner is not just part of the story. They are the co-author of your success, your happiness, and your legacy. Choose wisely.