You're Not LAZY: My 3 Step System to ACTUALLY Get Sh*t Done | Ep 207
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You're not lazy. You just don't have systems to get shit done. By the time on twenty eight, I built a hundred million dollars, and now I run a five hundred million dollar portfolio.

I achieve this not because i'm special, not because i'm talented, not because i'm intelligent, but because I created a system to constantly beat procrastination. I will revealed my three step framework to get that done, no matter what. The first step to overcoming this is to understand the route of procrastination.

So before we can overcome procrastination, we have to understand what's actually causing IT. Because if we identify the cause incorrectly, and we probably identify the wrong solution, the reason that most people cca state is actually experiential avoidance. You avoid things in the short term that actually causing more harm in the long term.

So something might feel uncomfortable today. Therefore, you avoid IT, but IT actually sets your profiler tomorrow because you've voided IT today. I will give you an example of when I did this recently, when I was building my first company to munch kept saying i'm going to make content one day.

I'm going to put videos out one day. I'm going to make podcast one day. I got so far as like I had my whole team named my podcast.

We had a whole cover done. We had the site ready to go. And I didn't hit publish. I had videos for youtube script IT. I never recorded them.

I had tweet that I never hit published IT wasn't until I went to a place called bear lake. You talk with alex, and it's this beautiful place. I was just me and alex alone with her work.

And when I was there, I did a lot of self reflection. I asked myself this question, which is like what I been avoiding legally, because usually a lot of the growth i've found has been asking myself that question. The first thing that pop of my head was like you've saying that you wanted to make you do videos for three years and you haven't posted one.

And because of that, your hydrate. I was avoiding him because I was scared of what strangers on the internet would say. I was scared of what my employees would say about making content.

I was scared of the judgment from my family and friends, just fear of judgment from other people. In that moment I was like, fuck this. I'm just onna.

Do IT. I am waking up tomorrow morning and i'm going to record these three videos. I woke up that morning, six, I M, I like, did my makeup? Did my hair the way I did back then? I woke up.

I put like a camera on top of the stack of books. And I just made my first three youtube videos ever. And when I got done, I sent them to his youtube editor who don't tell me that they were reported the wrong way, but I was like, fucked.

I'm redoing them. And I did. I read them the next day. I record them the right way and I said, they look like shit, but i'm going to do IT.

And that was the first time that I realized how much growth is on the other side of avoidance. Because imagine if I had not broken to past that, you wouldn't be watching this video today. What I would ask you is, if this resonate, ask yourself this question, what feelings am I trying to avoid by avoiding this thing?

Because it's usually that a circumstance is IT what you avoid. You avoid the feelings that the circumstance you think is going to cause you. And so I didn't avoid filming.

I didn't avoid posting on social media. I was avoiding the possibility that people were going to judge me. What would surprise you is the fact that it's not usually this one giant situation that you're trying to.

It's just one small piece of IT. If you look at most people who, for example, there are a relationship they should be in and they don't want to use that for the same more. They don't avoid wanting to be broken up with that person.

What the usual ID is, the very uncomfortable fifteen minute conversation they are going to have. And so I just ask you to really reflect on that, like what fifteen minute conversations are controlling your entire life. Because a lot of people let one fifty minutes or five conversation dictate their entire life, and they suffer every day rather than suffered for five minutes.

If you procrastinate, this is what happened. You avoid pain right now. But it's pretty much all downhill from that.

The situation gets ten times worse, not only because you've avoid of doing the thing and so you just delay getting the skills, but also because of the fact that you teach your that this situation is a threat. And so your brain actually creates more fear around the situation of your board. I had all this anxiety over filming.

If you had asked me the first time that the idea of filming came into my head of go film the, I probably felt nervous. But because I put IT off three years, I created that anxiety by avoiding IT. And that is exactly what experiences avoidance does, is you actually create the very thing you wish to not experience.

Now, when you don't procrastinate is what happens. You pay a Price today. It's going to be uncomfortable on the short term, but IT actually gets Better as you continue on. You earn respect from yourself, you gain confidence and you create trust with yourself.

You can trust yourself that even when things are uncomfortable, even when you don't want to do things, you know that you can show up for yourself and so you can rely on yourself. And the last piece to IT is that the upsides compound. There's a book called the comfort crisis.

And there's a concept there that I think is really fantastic, which is about comfort creep. The more that you do things that are comfortable, the more you want to do things that are comfortable and the same, the opposite of the more that you do things that are comfortable, the more than you want to do things that are uncomfortable. Basically, you can create momentum in either direction.

You can either continue getting more and more comfortable and doing things that feel good today, but make your future tomorrow worse, or you can get really good at doing things that are uncomfortable, make today a little harder, but make tomorrow little easier if you've been avoiding this for very long time. What I want to understand is that the pivot to go from one is the hardest st point. And so if you've been continuing to do things are more and more comfortable over time to where you've got to point, like i'm fifty pounds over way my businesses in a bad place.

I of all these employees, I don't want i'm in a relationship, I don't want I want to understand it's going to take more than like a tiny little tweak to go in the opposite direction. You're going to need to like shift gears can be really uncomfortable for like three days and then you're gna get through IT. They assume that something is going to take a long time to get used to because you've avoided IT for so long.

You assume that it's gonna that long to get used to think that's actually not cracked at all. Humans are built to mean that we can get used to something very quickly. The more that you lean into the fear, the faster you habituate to IT.

All humans were built this way. Our brains are wired this way though. You're wired to avoid things that you perceive these threats. s. You're also wired to get used to things that your brain, things are not gonna away.

If it's really cold and your brain is like it's never going to a get warm again, you will eliminate to be in cold. And so I promise you, if you step in the direction of conquer your fears and doing the thing that you've been avoiding, you will have. And if you don't, you are human.

Prostration is not the problem. Rather, it's the solution you are using to solve a problem. Embracing discomfort leads to short term pain, but IT also leads to long term success.

So now that we talk about what procrastination, let's talk about what is causing that procrastination. p. Two is identifying the emotions that fuel your procrastination.

And I give this two guys because if you're anything like me, I could tell you what you could do to overcome perhaps, inc. But I always do a lot Better understanding why what i'm going to do work. And so that's I aimed to explain now a friend coin this term to me.

And he called IT the three headed monster of procrastination. And I will never forget IT, because every time that I found myself proclamations, IT has fAllen into one of these three buckets. The first one is anxiety.

That's the first head of the three headed monster most often. And I will say I am the queen of this, is that if I find myself processing something, it's because IT gives me anxiety, represents short term, experiencing a lot of discover. And so law, the times what I find is that for me, when I am avoiding something, I am protesting something, is actually because that thing trigger anxiety.

So, for example, the reason that I was avoiding making content IT wasn't because of any other reason other than that made me feel anise. When I thought about posting content online, I thought about the commons that could come up. I felt a Spike of quarters all in my body, and I felt uncomfortable physically.

And because of that, I wanted to avoid doing IT. I want to avoid think about IT, and I want to avoid talking about IT. And so overall, I was just avoiding the feeling of anxiety.

And so here's what you can do to deal with anxiety. And this is how I get myself constantly every day to do things that making me anxious. okay? I asked myself a few questions.

First, if I do this today, will I make my life Better or worse tomorrow? That helps me so much because law, the times, what I cognize, is that the thing that I don't want to do, the thing that feels today, today, is going na set me up for success tomorrow. The second question I asked myself is, what skill will I gain if I do this? Think this is a really key one.

Because, you know, for me, when I was avoiding making content, I was like, oh, wow, well, there's a lot of skills that I don't have that I will gain if I just get past this sphere. And most of the time, I think that this is easier to get over a fear if you have something worthy of overcoming IT for. So say that you are really scared of speaking on stage.

What skills do you gain by confronting your stage? right? Like, wow, I arn. To present, I would learn to influence. I would learn to persuade. Think about how much of your life opens up, which leads me to my third question, which is, if I avoid this thing today, does IT make my life expand or contract tomorrow? Because what avoidance does, and what anxiety does and what procrastination does, is they make a life very small.

Because they essentially take away options, because the more feelings you seek to avoid, like anxiety, the smaller the amount of experiences you open yourself up to r and so I ask myself, will my life get bigger or smaller if I do this thing and I want big life? And so if IT means I need to be uncomfortable today to live a big life, then I remind myself of that by asking myself that question. Remember this action elevated anxiety.

More thinking isn't going to solve your thinking problem, but you can behave differently. Anxiety is not a bad thing. Most of times we avoid something of anxiety.

We have an underlying anxiety on a daily basis because our brain is constantly trying to avoid this thing. And so it's watching out for and monitoring for. So you have a baseline level of left to, say, forty percent on a daily basis.

Whereas if you just confront that thing, you go down to zero anxiety on a daily basis. And then when you do that thing, maybe it's sixty, but it's for a very short period of time. Either way, you're gonna feel anxious, you feel anise, you avoid to get you feel anions.

You're confronting at the question is which one drives you forward. Only one of those paths as productive, and is going to make your life Better, are going to have to feeling to see the way I will make IT useful. The second head of the three heavy monster is rebellion.

This is what you procrastinating. We didn't decide something. It's often like we feel like we need to go against some greater authority figure, or a sir, of free will.

Often times we procs ate this thing because somebody else gave us s the idea. But in avoiding that thing, or in progress that thing, it's not because it's the best decision to do so. It's because you have an aversion to authority.

So I, i'll give an example of how this played out. Not that long. Go with one my portfolio anties. I had a CEO, one of the companies.

And when we went in, we essentially bought the oral of the company and then we said what levers can we ll that would provide with the highest R Y in this business? Everything indicated that the product was under Priced. And so we presented our case, which was basically we need to raise the Price.

And here's why. And there was a very well thought put together case. And they were like, hey, you know, like this is why we came in and then, you know, finally come down. Is that okay? Does make the most logical sense.

We're like, okay, once the date that we can roll the south and we say it's in two weeks and what do you know in two weeks come here or there's something that he has to take care. There is something that happens over here over six weeks, go by finally, I call up the guy and like, listen the fuck. Like, we just need to raise the Price.

Like what's going on? Why is this such a thing as i'm talking to him when i'm listening to is basically he did not like the fact that wasn't his idea I brought up to him. I said, that seems like you a version to authority and you felt like we were telling what to do.

He was like, you know what? Now that you really painted this picture for me, I think I actually do have a version to authority. And I was like, do you think reading the Price is the best decision for the business? He said, we can do IT in two days.

And then we did and the business doubled. Here's the thing to ask yourself, if you are the type of person, when is anybody else's idea you feel like up and you resisted? Ask yourself this, does proclaiming this activity get me closer or farther from my goals? There are times when people insert their opinions into what they think that I should do with my life, for my business.

And i'm like, I don't want to hear IT and I will feel myself immediately go up into defense and I remind myself the moment that I feel like defensively and oh, rebellion there IT is I don't want to do IT because somebody else told me to and then I have to ask myself that question and I have to say, like this going to get me further or closer to my goals. And if it's going to get me closer, fuck my ego, put IT aside, i'm going to do IT anyways. Even if I don't like that somebody said IT.

Maybe I don't like the person who said maybe I don't like the way they said IT, but if it's gonna me closer to my goals, I don't care. And that has been such a Better stance for me to take because if everything that comes to you can be a learning opportunity, if you don't need to learn IT from just only people that you like, admire and look up to and what approval from, but you can learn from anybody that that opens up a whole new round for you, and you can grow so much faster. The third head of the three headed monster is bodow.

So sometimes we procrastinate something because the task is not new. It's not exciting. IT doesn't provide us with immediate reward.

I give an example of where this just happened. So I had somebody joined my team on their fourth day. I got a message from this person and they said, hey, I don't. I think this jobs for me, and I just can't matter myself doing this everyday.

And so I reached out, was like, what do you mean repetitive? Like, are you bored? And that person said, yes, it's so funny, because I literally the first thought I had to myself.

I was like, girl, I was like, your four days in this is not the job. This is on boarding. But her tolerance for boredom was so low that SHE couldn't even tolerate four days of not doing something that provided to mediate reward.

Because, you know, in the first week that sunday's on boarding, we ve got to teach him the company systems, who's who, where to go for what? All the basic stuff is boring. And I just remember in that moment, I was like, wow, that's tough.

Because when he told me her goals, I was like, this is the way to get there and he said, no, I really don't think. I think is too boring for me. Discipline is boring.

The ying gratification is boring, but boredom is also the birthplace of success. And so if I think about everything I done in my life where I have achieved something great, IT has been from doing boring shit. I've been doing this third decade running companies.

How many one of ones do I have every week? How many team meetings have I LED? How many quarters is I run all the fucking time? In fact, it's actually very fucking more.

Most of the time, I have to find ways to make IT fun running to love things like running meetings. And here's how I do that. I ask myself this question, which really helps me, honey, on this. Is this thing beneficial me to work on in both the short term and the long term? Will this benefit me in ten days and in ten years?

Because of some times, people who seek out a lot of immediate reward and they don't know how to endure board them, they only make decisions that help them in the next ten days, and they don't think about things. They are going to help them in the next ten years. I like to increate if I worked on this every day, what does my life look like in ten years?

If I master the skill day in a day out, boring as IT may be. You know, I think about somebody like Michael Jordan. And i'm like, was he like all, you know what? It's getting kind of boring, bounce the ball every day and like shooting hoops, like can we do something else? No excEllence comes from doing that boring stuff.

You don't give yourself the opportunity to ever become excEllent if you constantly procs onate because it's too boring for you. The work that's really exciting in the moment is not the work that is going to get k oles. In ten years.

It's actually the work that doesn't feel great, feels pretty boring, feels mundane. That's the shit that actually unlocked growth for us. So what you want to do is you want to alive your actions with your goals, not with your feelings and not with the things you want to do in the moment, but with who you want to be in the future.

So to become successful, you match your actions to your goals. You don't match your actions to your feelings. The goal is not to build a life of comfort, but is to become a personal character that can withstand any discomfort that comes your way, and that can look like anxiety, that can look like boredom, that can look like rebellion.

Here's a frame shift for you. Instead of trying to feel good, try to get good at feeling bad. Something I say all the time is i'm very good at not feeling good. People come to me, they say, like, all of you seem very level headed. You seem like you've got all together.

I like, I have all same emotions as you if you tell yourself otherwise, you are using cognitive bias to avoid the work because you don't want to accept the fact that we could have the same emotions and that you actually just have works uses. And listen, i've done IT to myself too. I did IT when I was one hundred pounds over way.

I've done IT before, and i've avoided hard conversations of people making very tough decisions for my company. I've done all that, should you can tell me, okay. And so the frame shift is to stop trying to feel good, and it's to get good at feeling bad.

So to become unstoppable, move forward and follow your plan regardless of how you feel. So now we've ve identified the three emotions that fuel procris and how to combat them. You really take action.

But at this point, there is a trap that a lot of people fall into. And so I wanted to pay attention the next part, because this is what changed everything. For me, the last step of the framework is trading.

Productive procrastination, productive failure. People don't procrit by doing nothing. They do something. It's just not the thing that they should do. The worst procrastinators are actually always busy. They are busy doing everything except the one thing that they procrastinate productive procrastinator stick with all the safe activities.

Basically any activities that they are doing that don't cause discomfort, that don't stress amount, that they feel proficient ent are doing, they keep doing those things and they actually just try to do more of those things. And so IT looks like they're really freaking busy. But those activities provided very low R Y because they're not effective because the things that are the most effective are often the ones that we proclaim they require an emotional effort to be put for.

So here's what that looks like. They never tried doing anything because of that. They never take a risk or facing one of those three feelings that we just talked about because they never risk IT, they also never fail.

And so because they never fail, they never have to let down self or let down anyone else, or IT suffer the consequences of what IT means to be a failure. And so we stay in the cycle of productively procrastinating ving every day, all day, doing all the things, but never moving the ball forward. It's almost like if you imagine on a bus ball court, you're just passing IT back in four to each other, but nobody y's ever getting IT into the hoop.

You're just passing IT back and forth like while they're really play in the game or sweat and they're brain to sweat here. We never win because we don't risk fAiling. If you never try to shoot the ball in the hoop, you can never win.

You also can never fail. People who say in the cycle would prefer to never fail, then they would prefer to win. So productive failure is the exact opposite of this because if you relate to this and you stay in the cycle, what I want you to change and you're consistent, you're consistently for cascading.

We just want to use your consistency for something else we're going to do to consistently try to fail. And so productive failure is you're gonna do the hard stuff. You're going to take risks and you're gonna take bigger risks than you have before.

Here's a that cycle looks like we're gna try that's IT. We're not going to say, oh, we're going to kill IT to win a try. The first set is to try ve.

The second piece is that because you try, you risk fAiling, you risk falling on your ask. We're going to invite in the risk of failure because we rise failure. There's a fifty, fifty shop.

Either we succeed or we fail. Either could happen because we risk failure. The next step is we weak.

We get to learn. You learn more by trying than you do by avoiding the thing. And so most people stay stuck in the cycle of productive proclaim.

Don't understand that you're going to learn so much more by trying and even fAiling that, you will never trying at all. And so the cycle that you create here is that you're going to try you're gna risk failure. Maybe you will do well.

Maybe you won't either. When you're gone to learn, you going to learn what works, what doesn't work, and then you're to take that and you're going to try again with more skills than you did the first time. The most effective people are not productive procris stones, or there are not the ones you see.

They're busy, busy, busy time. They are productively fAiling. They're okay with the fact that they're gone to attempt to do something and that they could fall on their ask and look like an idiot and possibly experience feelings that they really don't.

Anna feel failure is Normal, and we actually learn more from fAiling that we do from winning. If we win, we say, h should just do that again. We don't even think about IT could be luck. IT could be timing, could be this. We stay off more of that.

If we fail, we say, what skills am I missing? What skills to make this easier next time? What could I do differently? And then we get to take that to become Better and stronger from moving forward.

This is really tough if you identify fAiling with being a failure. Failure has nothing to do with your identity worth. Failure is an outside event that is occuring.

You can experience failure without being a failure is IT Normal to have thoughts. I'm a failure on this and that, yes, I still have them to all the time. The only difference between you watching this, the resonating, what I am saying and me is that I don't believe those thoughts.

I don't need to think they're true. I don't take them as fact. And if I feel at something, I just look at that as I need taking more skills.

I don't look at IT as I may. failure. That's IT, and that's taking years of me learning how to get out of the productive productions into the productive failure cycle.

And the biggest frame of ball is to reframe fAiling as learning. The more you fail, the more you learn, the Better you get. And so you really do have to fail your way to success.

You know, the first two years when I started my first business, I just ate shit for two years, wasn't making money, lost more money than I made, lost all my friends, lost employees, lost business, lost customers, like everything was a loss. But I learned from every single loss that I had. And I was like, well, I care you worse than I was that time you cannot unlearn things.

You can only learn new things. That's how the brain works. Every time I failed, I was like, well, I guess I just need to learn one more new things.

And IT doesn't mean i'm going to unlearn not to unfair, not gonna do what I just did. But I can get Better. Nobody and nothing can take away the fact that you can build skills.

They can call you a failure. They can make fun of you. You can be judged by people, but you can still get Better.

So what we want to do is we want to take imperfect action everyday. Repetition improves competence, and then confidence improves your confidence, but you won't get there. If you don't repeat imperfect actions daily, stop trying to be perfect.

Try to take imperfect action instead. This is a great reframe, which is like, how could I do this imperfectly? I think if you're somebody who you're worried about the feelings and hiring your shop on our south, great.

Take that presentation, sign up for that speech, and do IT imperfectly. Don't be perfectly to show up. See what happens. The world will not melt. T, I promise you, if you're not feeling productively, you're also not learning.

And if you're not learning that you're not growing in all of my time in business and in life is that the greatest predict of success is not avoiding failure. It's your ability to take the advantage of the situation when you do inevitably fail. In every chAllenge, there is opportunity.

There's an opportunity to improve. There's an opportunity to reflect. There's opportunity to build relationships. And so ask yourself this, when you are fAiling or when you have failed, what's good about this situation? What good about the fact that I just failed?

When I first put out content going back to what I told you in the first place of this video, people were just very rude online. I remember sitting in there and saying, like, this doesn't feel fair and then I was like, oh, that doesn't feel good. That feels like a victim. It's actually unna.

I was on the with my friends and I was talking to her and he was like, what have you came to see asians? Should I have you considered getting surgery to make your voice less deep that people will stop making fun of you and I was like, um what the fuck she's like? Well, you can just get rid of IT and like change IT.

And why wouldn't you do that? I was like, change my fucking voice because I was strange on the internet, said I was like, no. And in that moment I was like, I will not allow this to dict my life.

And so I said, what's good about this situation? What's good about people on the internet making fun? Me, well, I learn how to deal with IT. There's probably nothing that anybody could say that would offend me. If I can deal with these things and really not take a personally, I can teach others and confidently tell them that they can post our mind, they can get me in comments, and they can still keep doing.

I can show Better for my team, because if i'm less fearful of the judges of strangers on the internet, I might also have that translated other areas of my life where I stopped fearing judgment of others. What I realized was, if I overcame that situation, I actually gained more skills than not. And so by facing that discover, and by leaning into IT and not programmed, not stopping posting content, not never doing the thing that did help me accomplish my dream, I actually gained more skills along the way than I would have if I just didn't do IT.

So here's that I want you to do. You've watch this video. There's probably something and I wanted to pull out from your head that you are avoiding. What are you avoiding right now?

What's the thing that while you're watching this video has been going through your mind, and I want you to write IT down, and then I want you to write down, I want you to really specific what feeling are you cared is not a circumstance. Circumstances are neutral. You're scared feeling.

And then what I want you to write down, if you were not avoiding that feeling, what would you do? I want you to write that down last. And then what I want you to do is, whether it's today or it's tomorrow, as soon as possible, create the opportunity to do the thing that the person who isn't scared of IT would do. Because if you take the action like somebody who doesn't have the fear, eventually you won't have the fear either.