Burning questions: why we go to therapy, having (more) kids & how we stay confident
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How do you journal slash what is your favorite journal prompt? What things in life do you think two people need to agree upon to start a life together?

Do you want kids? I feel like I've heard you say never and yes, lol. How to cope with loneliness in your 20s. Welcome back to another episode of Mean Girl Pod. Burning questions edition. Dun, dun, dun. We did this back at the beginning of... Okay, actually. So we did this at the beginning of the year, remember? Yeah. And then last episode, we were like, we're going to not talk... We were going to talk about the April theory, but then we ended up not talking about the April theory. And what I think is funny is like...

do it we did this in January and the April theory is all about how April's actually the start of the year like and how January is not and so I feel like it's all fitting that we're doing this again because we're kind of living the April theory out although it's May but still I do totally agree with that because I feel like I'm trying to I can't exactly remember what happened last April but I feel like April is such a monumental moment in our lives like I

You became a homeowner. Like so much happens like that will set you for the rest of the year. Like now your life, I feel like you can relax and it like begins, you know? Yeah. And I feel like the new year fairy dust wears off and it's like,

And I think people are naturally happier in April because the weather is lifting. And I know that there's real ties to that, right? Like weird, the cortisol just spikes whenever it's sunny outside. And so I think all of it makes sense that like all these goals you set for January, you kind of like reap the benefits in April and then we're off to the races. Also, don't you kind of feel like the pressure starts to...

fall, like get relieved in April. Like I feel like for me, I put on, put so much pressure on myself to have like the perfect January, February, March. And then I'm like, when April rolls around, I'm like, eh, let's just do things how we want to do it. Yeah. And, and you have a lot to look forward to because the summer is just so happy. So yeah, I, I like the April theory, but I like that we're doing this right now because it's very, um,

New year but not me too so we have a personal bucket and an advice bucket should we do like one and then one and then one and one probably yes okay um so should we start personal yeah let's do it you want to read one then so you why don't you read the personal ones and I'll read the advice ones and then we'll always just do it like that okay perfect okay so personal question number one can y'all talk about going to therapy and what made you want to start going do you still go even if there's nothing major going on in your life

Do you remember the pivotal moment when you started going to therapy? I don't remember how long you've been in there. We feel like it's been a long time. Oh my gosh. It's, it was when I first moved away from Oklahoma and the reason I started going, Oh yes. And I think this is very important. It was because my friend Katie beach went and she talked about therapy and the best, like happiest light just ever.

how it helps you become in touch with yourself. And I always had this like negative stigma with therapy. And it was always like, you're in therapy if you have a problem. But to her, it was just like a way to make yourself better. And I was like, I want to do that. And so I started going to therapy whenever I lived out in Orange County. My first therapist was named Vanessa and she was the best first therapist on the planet because she was so not intense or intrusive. And I looked forward to my sessions. She made therapy wonderful. And so I

Yes, I do know what first started making me go was I think people in proximity to you, if they talk about therapy in a positive light, it makes you, as with anything, like fitness even, it makes you want to do it. What about you? I love that. I feel like you and I...

And everyone around our age group in the generation where therapy started as a stigma and now is like a cool thing to do. Because I remember when I first started, I think it was like in 2018, I was afraid to tell people. And now I'm like, everyone, I go to therapy. I'm better because of it. Right. It's like a green flag. Yeah. And I started going. So I started going back in 2018. I think it was like...

Two year... Maybe it was 2019. It was after I ended my five-year relationship. And I pretty much just started going because so much was changing in my life. Like, I ended a five-year relationship. I moved into an apartment alone for the first time. I started a corporate career. And I started just, I think, for the first time in my life, I was experiencing anxiety that I noticed it affecting me. Like, I'm sure I was an anxious child. I worried as a child. But I never...

felt like it debilitated my way of life. And in that time, I remember it was like affecting me wanting to like be social, seeing people, I was starting to get anxiety attacks. And I didn't really understand what any of this meant or was because like no one around me in Minnesota was talking about it. Like if you had anxiety, you were kind of like shamed. So then I finally was like, I'm going to go to therapy. And I was so scared to go. But I also had my first therapist. Her name is Margaret. She was the best therapist ever. I was like, I'm going to go to therapy.

I contribute so much of my growth to her and I have not looked back since. Like I will, I will go to therapy to answer the second part of the question for the rest of my life because I've learned when I stopped going, when I thought everything was perfect, things start to get bottled up again and going when nothing major is going on in your life just keeps you stable. I've realized. I think it's more important to go because it's, it's always like I say in the better help ads, it's offense, not defense. And what I mean by that is I,

So when something major happens If you haven't already done the work To have a strong foundation I think it can rock you even harder Than if you have a stable foundation So it's important to go On the sunny days So when the rainy days hit You have an umbrella And that's therapy As opposed to like Just letting the rain Just like take you out So yeah I think it's

It's harder to go when there's nothing major going on because there's like less motivation, but I think it's more important. I completely agree. I think that we need to get rid of the idea that therapy is only for people who have gone through like this extreme trauma or like life-shattering event. It's like, no, every single person can benefit from therapy. And I just like, I just wish everyone would give it a shot because it's truly changed my entire life. Like I am such a better person because of it and because of my therapist. Like,

I will rave about it to the day I die. I love it. Yeah. And I think some people, it gets this negative, you know, it's like, oh, you're talking about your feelings. It's like kind of, you're also just like untangling your feelings, which just makes you lighter and better. Like I think a lot of the really successful people, they, I think the commonalities they have is they meditate, they go to therapy and they journal. Yeah.

Yeah, I remember when I started dating Pete, he was like, no, it was a green flag when you started when you told me you went to therapy because you were so open about talking about your emotions. And like, when something would go wrong, you would immediately communicate it with me and like break down why you were thinking the way you were thinking. And he was like, I saw that as such a green flag. And I was like, that's good to know. Because sometimes that can scare people if you're like, I'm in therapy.

Yeah, it's a person saying they have the ability to have a tough conversation, which is cool for a relationship. It's cool. Yeah. So yeah, I love that. Guys, we have a 30-day free trial of Dipsy, which is where you can slip into a fantasy world with the audio books that are steamy, spicy, and fantasy-based. And they are truly incredible because life can feel overwhelming. And the best thing you could do is slip into another world.

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that can be that or that anyone can relate to that and anyone in any age can relate to that. For me, because I felt loneliness a lot in my 20s, especially like I just talked about that pre-therapy era where I ended a long-term relationship. I lived alone for the first time. I wasn't in college anymore. I think therapy is a great way to cope with loneliness. I also think because like the better you understand yourself, right?

And when you because for me, at least I was afraid to be alone and felt my loneliness when I was sitting in my thoughts because my thoughts scared me. So being in therapy and understanding myself more, my emotions and how to sit in my emotions more makes me less afraid to be alone. But also to when I was coping with loneliness, like finding hobbies like sports.

journaling, reading, joining an intramural sport, joining a run club, like just little things that get you out of your house. Or even if it's you going to a coffee shop and reading maybe for an hour on a Saturday, just like little things to change your scenery really helps. Like when I first moved to New York, I didn't know anyone. I would just go on walks all day to be around people.

And that really helped. Or just like having one little activity to look forward to in the week, even if it's like a solo activity, like getting a facial, getting your nails done, just things to look forward to throughout the week really helped with my loneliness back when I was really struggling. Yeah. Things to look forward to is a really good tip. So what I would say about it is loneliness to me is...

Like you reframe it as space, right? So basically it makes sense to be lonely in your twenties and it's potentially the first time you felt it because all through high school you lived with your parents or your family or some version of a family. And then in college you probably had a roommate. And so then in your twenties, it's the first time that you've really either lived by yourself or been on your own and your friends are doing different things because in high school and college, we're all on the same page. We're going to classes and,

And so there's like some structure to it. And then in your 20s, the structure's left to you. And so if you find yourself...

you know, at home on a Tuesday night and you don't have a significant other and you don't have friends that live in your city. So you're, you're one, you could call it lonely too. You could call it bored three. I, I would frame it as you have space to make your time your own. So then you ask yourself, okay, what are you doing with that time? And like, yes, there's probably the underlying feeling of lonely, but I think understanding you're actually not the only one feeling that. So you're not alone is the first thing in that.

But number two, okay, so what can you do? Time is a really precious thing that a lot of people wish they had more of. And in your 20s, I look back and I had a lot of it. And one thing I didn't do a good job of was using that time to benefit myself. I would just like, I piddled a lot. I would like go to a bar or...

like do stuff with friends or be social. But I never like went and took a class or learned how to paint or listen to podcasts. It wasn't until my late 20s that I started like note taking and journaling and things. So I think taking your loneliness and using that energy towards bettering yourself would be something really cool to do in your 20s that I didn't do and I wish I did. I fully co-sign that. I love that. Be more productive with your free time because like you said, the older you get, you have less of it.

You really do. And you look back and you think, wow, what if I had like, what if I had done pottery or I don't know, there's so many things you could do like a hobby. And we have a neighbor who every time I see him, he's like literally flying a kite or he had just gone and played soccer or he went mountain biking and he's like always doing something. And it's like, I wish I just like wouldn't play tennis more or something. You know what I mean? And I thought that was a really cool thing. And that's what you can do with time. I love that.

Okay, personal question number two. Alex, how do you journal slash what is your favorite journal prompt? Okay, so I journal and I think it's... Somebody... I did not think of this, but I heard this. And I haven't read this book, but somebody wrote a book about how you're supposed to journal three pages. Because it's hard to journal one page. But if you know you have to journal three, then...

You get like not addicted to, but kind of addicted to this like brain dump. Okay. And the prompt is there is no prompt. So I could literally, if I was journaling right now,

And this is, this is a way to not make it intimidating. So I don't like, I'm not afraid to pick up my journal because it, it's just like, I'm going to start writing about how I'm drinking a diet Coke can and it says homey on it. And then I also have a cup of water and then I have a cup of cop. Like the littlest thing is how you start journaling. And then I'll talk about my outfit or what I'm doing that night. And then as you keep going, the more intense stuff will come out. Like I'm feeling anxious about it.

And you write it down and it doesn't have to be pretty. It doesn't have to make sense. It doesn't have to be complete sentences. Doesn't have to be grammatically correct. It is just three pages of whatever's in your brain, whatever pops in, you get it out. And that's how I journal. I really love that because I think a lot of people, including myself, when I started, it felt like it had to be like this perfect, pristine way of writing. And it's like, no, it's just your it's yours and you can do whatever you want with it.

And do you still journal and what do you journal? So I don't journal as much as I used to because I just like don't love writing, but I really should be more proactive about it because whenever I do journal, I would do the same thing as you. I just brain dump all of my emotions on paper and like.

I think I journaled more when I wasn't going to therapy regularly because therapy is kind of like my journaling. It's like my brain dump of the week. But yeah, I would literally just... It was like word vomit. And I was like, oh, wow. That was a lot. And it became easier over time. Yeah, it does. It becomes easier over time. And you can draw. Yeah. Sometimes I'll draw the feeling, which also... There's no wrong way to do it. And one thing I noticed about myself is I'll get more...

the less I do it. Like, that's one thing about me. Like, I do like journaling because I've done it for years. And so when I stop journaling, I always have to say like, why and why did you stop? What's really bothering you? And like, it's like,

it's obviously really bothering you because you're not writing it down and so I kind of have to check myself with that yeah I used to even do lists when I was journaling because like I'm such like a like a list person and they would just like go in my head over and over again or like if I was trying to crank out an idea or like do goals I would just make lists like it could be any form bullet points lists paragraphs any way you want it yeah list is actually a really good one

Yeah. Okay. Advice question number two. What do you do when you and your partner want to live in different states? So I think the biggest thing is for me, at least like I personally, I've never gone through this, but I'm trying to imagine if like Pete and I's future didn't line up, I would think like, okay, from these two states, um,

What about those states makes us want to live there? Like, is our family in one state? Is someone's job better going to be better in one state? Is the school district, if we have kids, is like which one fits more of our long term goals? Because I think you can get caught up in like, oh, my God, it's so flashy. There's cities. It's by like.

This beach, X, Y, Z, but when you actually move, you realize that it needs to fit into your long-term goals. I can't even imagine if you guys moved to Austin and it didn't have the incredible school districts as it did or...

fit like your entrepreneurial goals or this or that so I think you just have to like write down a list of this is what I would do I'd have Pete and I each write down a list of reasonings of why we want of like what we're looking for in our future location wise and why we want to live in that state and then like compare the two and whichever one benefits us both the most I think we would go in that direction so to piggyback off what you're saying I

It's sort of like what we did to land on Austin was I remember we sat down at a pizza shop in Nashville and we wrote down all the cities that we were between. And then we wrote down, okay, it was beauty, affordability, schools. Oh, yeah, because you're pregnant.

Yeah, like ability to raise a child and the distance from our families. And we ranked all the cities that we were. Oh, and then work like people slash jobs. Oh, yes. And walkability. That was a big one we wrote down, too. And so then we ranked all the cities.

And we gave them on a scale of one to 10. And then we totaled up who had the highest score and Austin had the highest score. And I think that's a really good, like it's, it's in line with what you're saying. Those were just the buckets we did, but of how to pick a city. And then it's sort of like,

One thing that you're saying, though, that's good for this question is you both do it and then you join together. Whereas the way we did it was because we didn't want to live in different cities. We just didn't know which city we wanted to live in. So we did the exercise together, but it gave us the answer. Yeah, because I just think when you're thinking of a different state, it's like, okay, hopefully you see a long-term life or future there because...

I don't know about you, but the next state I move to, I want to stay there for the foreseeable future because not only is it hard to move, but like you have to restart your whole entire life. And like, I don't want to do that multiple times. I agree. And I wonder what their reasoning is for like wanting to live in different states. Yeah. Like I wonder if one is, yeah, I don't know. They didn't give detail. I wonder if it has to do with like family or job or what it is. But yeah, I think what we both said is like perfect. You just got to figure out.

long-term goals what you like about that city and most importantly like find like a happy medium because if one if you move to one place and the other person hates it it's not I don't think it's gonna end well no I agree and so I think if you do what you were saying then at least you know there's something for everybody in that city that state I agree okay cool should you do the next personal question yeah let's do it

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Ed Milet said this, and I think I heard it two years ago when he said it, but somebody asked him the key to a successful relationship for him. And he had two other reasons, but his third reason was stay attracted to the person.

And he didn't mean physically. He just meant in some regard as you get older, you know, remain like keep yourself in a way that, you know, you are attracted to each other. But what was more important to him was like emotional attraction and physical. Like it was a blend. And I think this goes hand in hand with. So, OK, there was this poll that I saw where there was a jacked guy and a not so jacked guy.

And they said in the comments, you could vote. Men could vote and women could vote who they thought was more attractive. Guys thought that the stronger jacked guy was more attractive because guys think that about guys, right? Like, oh, that's just good looking. Women overwhelmingly voted the less jacked guy was more attractive. And I, and I agree with that, right? Because like,

Listen, some people want like a super jacked guy and that's fine, but I don't think that's like the standard of beauty. I think there's like so much more to it. And what the less jacked guy says to me specifically is like, he has fun.

Not too much fun. Like he wasn't not jacked, but, or he wasn't like, hadn't totally like let himself go, so to speak. But he, he basically to me said like, he has fun. He prioritizes certain things. Like it just wasn't all about fitness. And that to me was like, that was attractive. And so I think physical attraction and emotional attraction go hand in hand. Like,

How many times have you met a guy back when you were 25 that you were like, oh, wow, he's really, really, really good looking. But then you have a one line conversation with them and you're just like, literally, I have the ick. Whereas today it's like the way that they carry themselves, the way they handle things, the way they you know, for me, it's like the way Harrison just like does the whole household situation and like takes care of Tate and I. That's the most attractive thing to me.

I completely agree with you. I think, I think both are important because like I've dated guys where emotionally I love their personality, but physically just was not attracted to them and vice versa. But I think at the end of the day, emotional attract, attractiveness is a little bit higher on my scale than physical because like I am just more of like

like um like an empath I'm more emo I feel like I'm more like emotionally intelligent on the side of life and I just really love being able to have like deep conversations with people having the same values as people being able to be on the same page like that all like how I feel and like um words of affirmation like that's always so much more important than me so more important to me so I almost feel like it's like a 60 40 with the emotional being 60 physical being the 40.

Yeah, like they are both important, I think is like what we're saying. But one does not far outweigh the other. Yeah, 100%. Like I could never date a super hot dud and I could never date in a super emotionally attractive person I'm not attracted to.

Yeah, and I think it's cool because attraction looks... I don't think there's a textbook version of good looking. Because I think what you're attracted to is going to be different than what I'm attracted to, X, Y, Z. Which I think is really cool. But it's cool when you find the blend. That you're like, I'm emotionally and physically attracted to that person. And that's the beautiful... But I think to answer this question, how important is...

is physical attraction. It's important. And then do you think it's more important than emotional attraction? No, I think, I think emotional. I agree. I completely agree. Fascinating though. Good question. Um, okay. Advice question number three, what things in life do you think two people need to agree upon to start a life together? Okay. I loved this question when we received it because I feel like we've like touched on this here and there, but

If I was just going to put like a pretty little bow on it, I feel like the biggest things would be your values, like what you value in life and like, and how you want to live your life. Like, are you going to be someone who values finances the most, family the most, work the most? Like, I really think those things need to line up. I also think too, obviously like

do you guys want kids? Do you want marriage? Like you have to be on the same, you have to be on board with the same type of life you want to live. Um, and to me, like those are the biggest thing. I think like in general, it's like your values just have to align. I think that's, um,

Just like so nail on the head. And what I'll add to it, because values would be if I had three things, I would say values one. Number two, I would say communication styles. Yeah. Not that they're the same because I actually think that would be bad, but that you learn more.

to handle each other's... Understand the way that one communicates versus the other so you're not talking at each other or past each other but with each other. I think that's really important. And then the other one is like the style of life. Okay, so...

I love to do things. And I think Harrison's more spontaneous than I am. If I hated spontaneity and didn't, cause some people just want to stay home and maybe travel once a year and there's nothing wrong with that. But that is, that would really bore Harrison and I, um,

And so one thing that like we have in common is like the type of life we want to live with kids. And so when this person saying to start a life together, I don't know if kids are included or not, but if they are, one thing that I think is really important is like lifestyle that you want to live. Like, what does your year look like? Does it look like traveling a lot or not? And do you like to go out to eat or stay in? And if you guys have the same idea of what a fun, good life looks like, I think that's really important. I really love the style of life because I could not agree more because I

I think of, like, you and Harrison. I could never date one of you guys. I would... I would be asleep 24-7. I, like...

I'm like, I need, but you would be bored out of your mind dating me. Like you'd be like, can we do something? And I'd be like, no, I want to watch TV all day and lay in bed and read. Yeah. Like, and you're happy doing that. Like, it's so important to know what you're signing up for. Yeah. Like Pete and I love being homebodies and going out once a week. And if Pete was a wild child who liked to party all night or go to clubs, I'd be like, no. Absolutely.

Absolutely no. No, that would be horrible. But that wouldn't, but some people, that's some people's idea of good. Yeah. And, but also too, like if Pete was someone who never wanted to go on adventures or travel, that would also be a no to me because I still do love traveling and exploring and this or that. So I, I love that. I completely agree. The way you want to live your life is so important. Yeah. And I think that,

I think people like forget that sometimes. And I don't know that I would have said this, um, except now with kids, I think it's like so much more important because you don't want to like, let your life go. You want to like still have, you know, some sense of, you don't want your whole identity to be a parent. So I think a big part of that is who your partner is and like how they live. And so if it aligns, then it's, I found it to be great.

a good recipe I love that okay so values communication styles and style of life to victory okay yeah perfect three okay uh personal question number four ab do you want more kids if so when second part of the question jw do you want kids I feel like I've heard you say never and yes lol

You have heard her say both. Yes. One's a more updated answer. Okay, so yes, I would love more kids. When? I have no idea. Do you know how many you want? If you could pick. Well, I always said... I've always said three or four, but then I've recently realized you can't make that claim until you have two because I think the jump from one to two is big. So I'll answer...

I don't know what I don't know, so I'm not sure. But traditionally, it was always like three or four. But no idea when, when I'll like feel ready. And now I want to wait till I have two to see how many I really want. Yeah, I think that's a great idea because when the second one comes, it's I always feel like people say that they're like the second one comes, but then by the third, you're like, it's just another kid. Yeah.

I think the jump from one to two is way bigger than the jump from two to three. Maybe people listening will be like, that's crazy and you're wrong, but that's just what I guess. I think so too. For me, yes, I want kids. But yes, I also used to say I never want kids. I've talked about this a lot. There was a very pivotal moment. I don't know, maybe like two years ago. It was before I met Pete, where I remember seeing a son and mom and almost like,

crying so that it was the cutest thing ever and I was like I want that one day like that that is that like I do want kids one day and then when I met P it just kind of like the equation fit really well together because I was with someone where I was like okay I could see him being the future father of my children and I think he'd be an amazing dad so I think like me feeling like I wanted kids and also meeting someone where I could see them being such a great dad was like the perfect combination and now yeah I want kids probably like two three

I don't think I would ever want just one because I would feel bad like, are you lonely? But no more than two because I don't think I could handle more than two.

That's actually like a really nice place to be. It's just like, I just want to. Summer is just around the corner and the folks at Mint Mobile have a hot take. Getting a summer bod is out and getting your savings bod is in. This spring and summer, we want skimpy wireless bills and fat wallets. And with premium wireless plans for just 15 bucks a month, you can have both without breaking a sweat or the bank. You guys say bye-bye to your overpriced wireless plans.

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It's funny because I always forget sometimes people can update their opinions. You can say no and then you can literally one day just change your mind to yes. And I think you meeting Pete was a big part of that because when you don't know who you're doing it with, it's very hard to see having kids. Yes, a thousand percent.

I also know too though like if Pete and I never had kids it wouldn't like break me into a million pieces where like I know some people like that is something they want more than anything and I do want it but like it wouldn't destroy me if it didn't happen at the same time. It's interesting. Does he want kids? Has he always wanted kids? Yeah he wants kids. Okay and does he like the two number?

Yeah, I think so. I think we're both pretty much on board with the two, mainly because we just see how expensive children are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So funny. Sure are. But yeah, when you meet the right person, it's just the excitement you feel of eventually seeing them be like a dad and a father and like a husband with a kid. I don't know. It's just like it excites me.

Yeah, I think that that's and there's no my hairdresser in New York told me this. She was like, you can't explain that feeling. You just know it when you feel it. And I thought that's very true. Yes. And just know that your opinion can change. And if it changes one way or the other, it's okay.

Yeah. Actually, it's so funny too. Yeah. Cause you could always have wanted kids. And then one day said, okay, you know what? It's not for me. And I think, well, there's like definitely no right or wrong way. Um, but I think realizing you have the right to update it is really cool. Yes. I love that. Realizing you have the, you have the option and the right to update any opinion you have in life. Yeah. Right to change. Love that.

Okay. Advice question number four. Best tips for long distance relationships and how to stay connected even when apart. Okay. So I've never been in a long distance relationship. I low key am kind of against them unless you see an end date very close in sight. I don't find... If I was dating someone who never...

an end date of us being in the same state and say, it just wouldn't work for me. I'm an anxious mess with that. Like, it would hurt me. But I think tips on, I guess, how I stay connected with my friends is make sure you do...

I would say like don't text every day, but make sure you have like meaningful conversations every day. Maybe that's like a quick call on the way home from work or FaceTiming. Because like, I don't know about you, but like if I texted my long distance boyfriend every day, I would go crazy. Yeah. One thing I think is cool is like, A, we have the beauty to FaceTime now, which is...

to think that we didn't have that 10 years ago. Like FaceTiming is such, it's just like inherent to us. But one thing that I think is really good is like always having the next trip on the books or the next time you see them. So when you leave one, you say, okay, but I'm looking forward to six weeks from now when I come back and see you. And yeah,

The other thing I think is probably a good idea is like plan. Don't just plan weekend trips because those are not real life trips. Like plan Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, where you like go to the grocery store, you stay, you cook, you like do real life things. And I think on the weekends too, it's distracting because you want to be social sometimes. And so,

Yeah, I would say have the next trip planned and plan a weekday trip if you can, job willing. Yeah, I remember you saying that a long time ago. You were like, make sure... I think we did a long-distance episode, and you were like, make sure you do the mundane things together so you can understand what a relationship is like together. So go grocery shopping. Go hang out at home, but also make sure...

you're doing like the date nights and fun relationship things because the last thing you want to do is like visit each other and just since you only want to spend time together you just stay in all weekend like you want to make sure it's as as realistic as possible so when you do end up in the same place you're not hitting like a culture shock moment of like wait we've never actually like been a normal couple who like goes out or like grocery shop together I actually hate the way you grocery shop you know what I mean

Yeah, and I think it's really hard to... I actually think long distance is, like, really hard. So hard. Because when you are together...

Somebody's visiting somebody. And so you're not, you're never doing real life things. You're never like waking up, going to work, separating, then finding each other again and separating. And like, you know, you walk out the door and you go record or you go to a workout class or something. And then like you come back home and then Pete, like you're living real life. And so you know what it's like to coexist together where I feel like in a long distance relationship, it's,

It's very highlight reel. It's very best foot forward for a finite amount of time, which isn't like the real picture. So I think it's hard. Yeah, I agree. I don't know how people do it. I've had friends, like Madeline did it, but they had an end date in sight. They were like, oh no, he's going to move back to Minnesota, X, Y, Z. And I always was like, I don't know how you do it. You're the strongest person I know for doing this because I could never do it.

Totally. It's so nice to have an end date is also good. Like some semblance of what somebody's going to graduate or somebody's job or something like that. And then knowing, okay, then we'll do this. That would be really helpful. Yeah. Okay. Next personal question. J-Dub, why do you hate New York City all of a sudden? Did I miss a chapter? Okay. Okay. So,

I need to realize hate is a very strong word. I don't hate New York per se. I know I joke around and say I hate it a lot. I would say I've outgrown New York in the sense of I do really love this city and I love everything it's giving me, but I'm hitting that phase of life where...

Don't want to live it in a one-bedroom apartment paying Thousands and thousands of dollars. I don't want to live in a tiny space with no Natural light like I want a yard. I want a car I want space I want like I want i'm ready to like live in a home Have a dog and I just don't feel like I can do those things in new york. Like i'm just ready for the next adventure and

The city offers so much. I know people are going to listen and be like, you can get that in New York. But like, I don't want to pay an arm and a leg to get that in New York. I want more of a calm lifestyle and a change of scenery that and like a little bit of a less exhausting hustle bustle life. Like I want to be able to get my car and go to Target to grab something versus having to take a subway, walk a mile to the nearest Target.

Yeah, I think like it all makes sense. I think New York served you at one point, right? And I think New York serves a lot of people at one point. And a lot of people live in New York, but they don't stay in New York. And I think New York's the best city. I think it's the best city in the world. But I think there's a shelf life to living there because...

Unless you grew up there, most people don't stay there forever. They go there, they squeeze the juice, and then they move out. And that's like a very natural trajectory of life. Because...

Living there, I think people don't understand. Like, it's unbelievable, but it's exhausting. Oh, my God. I was in therapy today and I was talking to my therapist about, like, just being tired all the time. And she's like, have you always been? And I'm like, honestly, I don't remember being exhausted all the time pre-New York. I think just living in New York. Because, like, when I go to Florida or, like, visit Minnesota, I don't.

feel exhausted 24-7, but there's just something about the energy here where you just feel beat all day long.

Yeah, well, I think you're kind of in fight or flight mode the whole time you're there. Like you become numb to ambulance noise and constant noise in the middle of the night. Like I remember I used to go home to Oklahoma and I would be like, it's so quiet, but it's not that quiet. It's just New York is so loud 24 seven. And so it's like your, your cortisol spiked. And so it's like when you leave you, you relax.

A thousand percent. Like people always say that like when I left New York, I lost a blah, blah weight because my cortisol was so high. And I was like, I feel that I feel like my body is kind of always like inflamed with stress because it's just, you're just kind of like always a little uncomfy because there's like noise and small space and like not proper air conditioning. And that's like the best way to describe it. I always just feel like a little uncomfy in New York. Not from like a safety standpoint, from like a

Physical standpoint But I think your body Can like It's like the kid thing Where like right To update your thoughts It's like New York was perfect For you at one point And now you're just saying As you said Like you outgrew it So there's just another chapter Yeah Which makes sense though Yeah Even like going to The gym I'm like Could we have one more Or 20 more treadmills Going to the grocery store Could I have

a normal grocery store with normal prices near me. So I haven't spent $80 on four things. Like it's just like the little things. Guys, let's talk about O positive because we have 25% off and we are going to specifically talk about the Euro vaginal probiotic. And then I'm going to read you some real life reviews because they are pretty incredible. You guys, the Euro is a probiotic blend specifically formulated to support vaginal health.

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care of your health and head to opositive.com slash mean or enter code mean at checkout for 25% off your first purchase. That's O-P-O-S-I-T-I-V.com slash mean for 25% off. I remember I was getting a coffee and we were living in New York, but I was at home in Oklahoma and I got a Starbucks coffee and we did the exchange of ordering in the name. And he's like, you from New York?

And I was like, yes. And I didn't ask him why, because I knew how he knew that. And it was, there was no, hey, how are you? I was not talking slow. And it's because everybody in New York, although I find the people in New York to really be like really smart, really kind. But when we're existing in everyday life, it's very transactional.

And so there's not a lot of, cause you don't have time to be like, Hey, how are you? Because there's 74 people in line behind you all having a different type of day. Some in a good mood, some in a bad mood and like people, there's so many people. So you really lose like the interpersonal and that starts to weigh on you when everybody around you is just existing and no one's like talking, you're kind of out for yourself, which is a good thing, but also it's,

Not forever. Yeah, there's like not a lot of human connection. And it's so funny. I actually thought of exactly what you're saying this morning. I was in CVS and-

I was like, I don't need a basket. So I was like literally walking around the store dropping things. I got to a point where like everything fell and I was like, people were passing by me and I'm like, thank God I'm in New York because no one's going to bat an eye at me needing help. If I was anywhere else, like Minnesota or Florida, 20 bucks, someone would come up to me and be like, oh my God, can I help you? But New York people are like,

don't don't see that mess happening right there just walk literally they walk right past me as i'm like dropping everything no question because but it's good and bad right like it's nice because no one cares like that that was the best part it's like you can wear whatever you want and like no one cares what's going on with you and that's kind of refreshing because you do feel the ability to be yourself

Yeah. And like, you're not really embarrassed because somebody else is doing something way crazier, which is great. But then also it is like, you're not, you're invisible. Like no one sees you. Exactly. So I don't hate it. I've just outgrown it. Um, I don't have an answer for like where the next chapter goes or this or that or any of that, but I'm content. I'm fine for now. Like it's whatever. Yeah.

I'm positive. You're enjoying it. Yeah. Like you're, you're, I like it. Okay. You're like enjoying it right now for what it's worth. Exactly. Um, okay. Personal question. Cause we're, yeah, yeah. Okay. So the last personal question is a B now that you bought a house in Austin, will you stay there longterm?

I definitely think we'll be here for the foreseeable future. Yes. The point when we bought this house was like, it's not for like one to five, one to three years. This is like a, at a minimum five year house. And actually now that we've landed in our house, we could be here far, far, far longer because we have the ability to grow into it. So yeah, I mean, we look at schools here all the time, like middle school, high school. So we're,

We absolutely love it. And yeah, I think that we will be here for a very long time. Always a right to update that, you know, because you never know. But for now, yes, very much so. Plan to be here long term. I love that. Does it just feel like you have a weight off your shoulders now that you own the house? You know, you're going to be here for a decent amount of time. No, like, yes. It's just like for the first time in five, six years, I feel like settled. A dream. I know. I know. I know. But it was just like.

Oh, you're just like, okay, this is where... And you get this. I was always renting. And so now to be like, this is where I'm going to be for a really long time. It's a cool feeling that I didn't see coming anytime soon, but yet here I am. I love that. All right. Okay. So now we're going to do our listener question, right? No. So we're going to do the last burning listener submission with Cleveland, which is...

What do you do when you aren't feeling confident? And then we'll end with our listener question. Got it. Okay. Okay. So you guys,

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Yum. That actually sounds so delicious. I love their pickles. They are so good. I eat them all the time as snacks and they're just like the perfect gut healthy snack that makes my tummy feel good.

Yeah, they're good for spring and summer. Like I feel like this, we're trending towards this. Julie was eating them yesterday on that meeting. Remember I grabbed it and I smelled it and I was like, yum. Yes. And I can taste the crunch too. Like the fresh, crunchy and full of flavor. They're easy to use you guys that you can put them in your routine so quickly because they're in these packs. And so you just rip open the top, get in there and you eat them. And they are available in the produce section of most grocery stores,

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And now for our last burning question. It is, what do you do when you aren't feeling confident? Well...

Do you know, actually, what I think is the best thing I've ever done when I wasn't feeling confident is to close your eyes, set a timer for 10 minutes, visualize a scenario where you have confidence. So like, let's say you're going to a happy hour with girls, but you don't know any of them. So you like visualize yourself walking in.

going up to everybody being like, hi, I'm Alex, giving them a hug, asking them about themselves, having the confidence to sit down. And like, I think visualizing something that you don't feel like you have, um,

tricks your brain into thinking you have it and then it's easy to execute it. So that's my tip. What's yours? I love that. So when I'm not feeling confident, usually what I'll do is I'll stand in the mirror and force myself to say nice things about myself. But I also, what I've been doing is like on a day where I'm not feeling confident, I'll do like a full self care day. So I'll do like a full body shower where I'll like

exfoliate, shave, lotion up. I'll do a great skincare. And then I'll do my makeup, my hair, like a full beat, wear a nice outfit. And that makes me feel so much better. Because when I look confident, I feel more confident. And then also too, just saying those nice things about yourself in the mirror. It's just like what you said.

You'll trick your brain into believing it and eventually what you say will be exactly how you feel. You just got to be so repetitive about the nice things you say about yourself.

It is crazy how if we sit there and we're like, I'm nervous. Like you're just getting more nervous as opposed to maybe you can do it. You look beautiful today. Like you have a great smile. You're going to go talk to everybody in that room. And it's just like, just even the littlest things like that can rewire just the little neurons. Even like changing your posture. Like I had slouch a lot, but like if I roll my shoulders back and just like,

look more confident. I just, it like, it's crazy how all the little things just like start to start to put it together and help. Yeah. I agree. I agree. Um, I love that. Okay. Yeah. Those were really good answers. Um, listener question. Yes. Okay. Listener question. Um,

I just ended my long-term relationship and I need some girl talk on how to start over. I'm feeling behind and nervous about the whole process of starting fresh. I'm sad but also excited to find myself again and give myself all the love I lacked for so long. But how did you find independence and strength after being so codependent for so long? Okay, I love this question so much because I think most everyone who's been in a long-term relationship can relate. And I feel like

The best way for like what I did was like you got to look at it as like a new opportunity to live a life that you've always wanted to live. So like you have to see it as almost like an opportunity and find excitement in it. So I would say start finding classes you want to go to go to different workout classes joining join clubs do

Do hobbies. Call a friend that you haven't seen in a really long time. Spend time with your family that you maybe never got to spend time with because you were in more of a codependent relationship. Just doing little things to kind of rebuild your own life from ground up helps so much. And before you know it, you'll realize you're living...

The life that you've always wanted versus the life that someone else wanted for you. And I know it sounds way easier, like said than done, but just like implementing little things that you truly want out of life every day, I think will like drastically change how you feel. I think that's cool that you said you'll, you'll realize that you're living the life you want instead of the life somebody else wanted, which is actually cool. How you said it, you, you were like, okay, now you have the ability to, which is,

It's very freeing. Like, I'm excited for this person. Same. I like the angle that you took there. And it's like, now you have a blank slate every day when you wake up. You can do what serves you. And you never know where that'll end you. Because I'm sure, ideally, the goal here is that you end up in another relationship one day. Not now. Because I think you need some you time. But the more you...

put one foot in front of the other and it's your idea in your direction I think your next partner will be one like the universe will reward you because you put in so much time now for yourself yeah I just finished a book and in the book the girl was in a pretty codependent relationship she kind of like just did exactly what he wanted to wanted to do and then they broke up and she was like I lost my home all my friends all my hobbies because they were his friends it was his house it was his hobbies and

And throughout the book, it was her like gaining her life back. And she did little things like realizing she works with all these wonderful people. Ask one of the girls to happy hour.

And then she was like, I need a hobby. She got into a hobby and met people that way. She started being a tourist in her own city and exploring all these parts that she never saw because her last relationship didn't want to do those things. And she found love in other parts of... The book was in Michigan. And she just really formed her own life and learned to love herself and love.

her life more. And it was just like a really, it was a beautiful story. And I really liked how that, how it was written. What's that called? Do you know? It's called funny story by Emily Henry. Okay. Maybe she can listen to this and it could be like a biopic of her life. Is that the word? Yeah. It was actually like a really well-written story about a girl. I mean, I think she was in her thirties, but like finding herself and reinventing and rewriting her life because she was in a relationship with

Where they were truly doing everything he wanted to do for so long that she lost so much in it. Oh, you've reminded me of something else that, okay, so whenever I got divorced, I felt like this, right? Like you're starting over. And one advice somebody gave me. I love how you said, sorry. I love how you said, whenever I got divorced, I was like, you got divorced multiple times? What? Like the book that you're talking about is fiction, I assume? Yeah.

One thing that I love that somebody told me to do was like find people that also have been divorced but ended up like where you want to be. Remember I told you this before like follow them and like that can teach you that it's possible like the life you want is possible. It's out there and so I think that that also could be something really important for her.

A thousand percent. She, one of the good friends she befriended in the book was a recent divorcee who felt the same. Like she didn't really have a life outside of her child and they became like the best of friends. And it was, it was a really, it was like a very good story. It made me happy. I think that this girl should read the book. I think that's a big one. Yes. Funny Story by Emily Henry. I'm sure you've heard of it. She's like one of the most popular authors right now for fiction romance, like contemporary romance. So 10, 10 recommend.

There we go. Okay, cool. Okay, awesome. Also, sorry. Probably should have said this at the beginning, but if you're listening, we did record this a week in advance. So next week, I'll give you a little lowdown on Hawaii and life and everything else.

I cannot wait to hear about Hawaii because, yeah, it will be. I just know that it's going to be unbelievable. So we'll get the load out on Hawaii. We'll also have watched the documentary on our girl Natalia Grace. Yes. And we'll talk about that. Oh, I'm so excited. Okay. Anything else you want to add before we exit the building? No, I think we are good to go, right? Okay. Well, you guys know what to do. We love you so much and we will see you next week. See you guys next week. Bye.

I'm Alex Bennett. And I'm Jordan Woodruff. So AB, do what you do best. If you enjoyed the show, don't forget to like, comment, subscribe, rate, and leave a review. Stay connected with us on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, and Snapchat at at Mean Girl Pod. Podcast plus social artwork and post-production by Creative Evolution Studios. Mean Girl Pod, we're your besties in your ear. New episodes every Monday.