Paula Faris: "Failure Is The Down Payment On Success"
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All right, Live in the Bream this week, we welcome someone who will help you work through a thought-provoking question, maybe in a way you haven't done before, and in a way you can help the kiddos in your lives as well. Paula Faris has got a brand new book,

who do you want to be when you grow up she joins us live in you may know her from a lot of different things and she is the founder and leader of carry media is an organization that advocates for moms in the workplace she is a mom she is a journalist and author

You may recognize her from ABC News, where she co-anchored Good Morning America Weekend. She was also a co-host on The View and launched the podcast Journeys of Faith with Paula Farris. Paula, thank you for being on our podcast. Oh, it's a dream to be on the show today.

Just the right amount of cheese, you know? I love it. I'm cheesy. What can I say? Listen, you have had success in so many different ways. And I love how you are tackling this question and the way that we help kids think about success because the book isn't what do you want to be when you grow up? It is delightful, by the way, and funny and beautifully illustrated is who do you want to be when you grow up? What was your thought process in putting this book together?

Well, Shannon, I mean, if I really think about it, the conversation happened six years ago and my daughter at the time was nine or 10. And she said, Mom, I want to do this bike across America thing. And she couldn't give me any details, Shannon. She just said, hey, I want to do this. And I was like, OK, you tell me that. She's like, I don't know. I said, well, then why do you want to do it? She said, well, my teachers told me that it would look good on my college bike.

application. And she's in fifth grade at the time. And you know, we're living in New York at the time too. So hard charging, career driven, accomplishment, accolade. And I was like, you know what? When you think about it,

One of the first questions we ask people, if you're in a room full of strangers, you introduce yourself and then the next question you ask is, what do you do? And we're passing that on to our children. What do you want to do when you grow up? As if that's the only thing, Shannon, that they're going to contribute to society. And this isn't to...

demonize work. We know work is necessary. But it's also, I think we have to focus and kind of reframe it and kind of reset it and start asking a different question. Because if we say

in our society, in our families, in our lives, that character matters. If we say who we are matters, the kind of person we are matters more than any of the other stuff. We have to start by asking the right question. So Shannon, now that we're grown up, you know, who do we want to be? And getting kids to think not just what I want to do, because what you do changes, and that's not just what you bring to society.

who you are, who you were uniquely created to be doesn't change. So let's focus on those things. What kind of person do you want to be? What are your unique God-given talents and gifts? What's important to you? What kind of person do you want to be a generous person? Do you want to be a patient person, a loyal and encourager? You know, for me, I want to be a real, I want to be an advocate. So just asking the question a little bit differently to really focus on what matters most, not just for our kids, but for the adults too.

Yeah, and the book is so sweet because it's a classroom. They're talking about what do you want to be when you grow up? And some people have really firm ideas of things they're interested in, what they want to do. But the young girl in this book takes a journey through figuring out the who instead of the what. And it's really sweet and cute, but it's something we can identify with at all ages, really.

Yeah, and that's what I hope. Look, I hope that because our society, our worth is determined by our work, right? Our calling is career. And again, it's that second question you're asking, what do you do for a living? I hope that it opens up, Shannon, a conversation, a healthy conversation.

of what matters most. And as you mentioned, the book details a little girl named Lina. So my daughter's name is Caroline. We call her Carolina. Lina is her nickname. So it details its career day at school. OK, Shannon. So it is serious business at school. And Lina is stressed out because she has to figure out what she wants to do because kids are asked from the time they're able to walk it up. What do you want to do? What do you want to do?

as if you can only do one thing. And so she learns along the way that it's not so much what she wants to do, but it's more important to figure out who she wants to be, because who she wants to be when she grows up isn't going to change. But she's like, I could do a lot of things. I don't have to do one thing for the rest of my life. I can do a whole bunch of things. So she's like, I don't know what I want to do.

I can figure it out later, but I know who I want to be. And that's the most important thing. So again, just starting the conversation, right? And I don't, I don't think we understand how much of a, it's almost systemic, Shannon. I don't think we understand how much, how, how,

much stock we have placed into the accolade and the achievement and the success. It's, it's just part of our, our conversations, our nomenclature. It's habitual to just, the first thing we want to talk about with somebody is their job. We're so much more than that. Maybe like as adults, I think a better question to ask as adults is not just who do you want to be now that you're grown up, but maybe like, what are you into? And that, and that kind of like peels back the layers of

what's important to this person. Instead of placing all of our worth on our job, something that's gonna change.

Yeah. And you know, you see in this book that Lina looks at her parents, she looks around her, she sees what people are doing and how they figured out what they're good at and what makes them happy and how they can help other people. So it's a really sweet journey that she goes on. And I got to tell you, living and working in DC in New York, most of the time, don't you just cringe? Like my, my goal at every meeting or party or thing that I go to where I don't know people is like, don't

not ask about work because I know it is that default kind of crutch that we as adults go to. And I know you've had a very personal journey with this too, that it's, it's tricky when our worth or identity is really tied up in what we do. And it's hard because if you love what you do, that's obviously where you spend most of your waking time. But it's an important lesson for us as adults too, to realize that we are more, we should aspire to be more than where we get our paycheck.

Yeah. And Shannon, I've talked about it openly. You know, I left TV news a couple of years ago at the beginning of the pandemic. I lost my job at ABC. They did not resign me. But a couple of years before that, I had pumped the brakes and taken a demotion because I was just burned out. And at that time, I was...

seemingly at the top of my game. I was anchoring GMA weekends, I was co-hosting The View. And when I stepped into a much less prestigious position, that's when I fell flat on my face 'cause I was almost haughty to a point and prideful to a point where I thought, oh, I could walk away from what I do and still know who I am. Well, that didn't happen. I had a total identity crisis. I didn't know who I was outside of these.

job titles and this job, it had been, it had become my identity and my worth and my, I thought my entire calling. And I had to learn in that season, love what you do, but don't be defined by it. But also that's not my worth. That's not my sole value. And in doing that, it gave me the permission to try new things and new seasons. And we know you see the statistics, Shannon, you know, people change jobs seven times. You're not, the reality is you're not going to do one thing for the

And people are always like, find that one thing. I'm like, you know what? Give yourself permission to try new things and try new things in new seasons. It's OK. You know, failure is the down payment on success. But we think we have to find one thing and we think success looks like one thing. But I have found what's really helpful since I had that season of identity crisis is not just success.

you know, removing myself and my value from what I do and giving myself permission. But really just like,

just going for things and it's almost like I have a permission slip to try new things in new seasons so I think looking at my looking at my life looking at your life Shannon as chapters and seasons it's not like you have to figure out the next 20 years what do you feel called to in this next season and what are you like what are things that are important to you what are you good at what do you love you're once you answer those questions truthfully you'll be able to take those and

into every new season and every chapter. I'm a curious question asking advocate. I love to champion people and encourage them to be their best selves. I did that in broadcasting. I'm doing that as the founder of Carrie Media. I'm trying to do that with this with this kid's book and this message. And by the way, all my proceeds are going to the Boys and Girls Clubs because I'm a trustee and an ardent supporter of them. So I've had to remember I'm going the who I am

the talents, the gifts, how we all were uniquely wired, that's not gonna change about us. We need to use that in each different season, in each different chapter, give ourself permission to do new things.

Yeah, and that can be scary no matter what your age is. 100%, yeah. You've talked, like you said, so openly about this in one of your earlier books when you talk about really being able to walk away from things. If you feel like there's a new place for you to go, if you're feeling pulled or called to something else. But we as adults will hesitate in that too. And if we do that, then the kids around us are going to learn that too. I think about somebody that I know.

you know, very close to me who's passed away now, but they worked the same job for more than 40 years. And I don't think they ever loved it, but they felt like, you know, they felt like, all right, this is steady paycheck. This is where I need to be. I'm going to go and log in. And, you know, I think an older generation too, very dutiful and very committed and humble about providing and showing up. And it's not about me and having this great enjoyment all the time.

But along with our responsibility, there is also supposed to be joy in life and figuring out what that new season or different season might be. Oh, totally.

Totally. But you're right. It is so scary, like you said. And I've learned, you know, through my own experiences and just watching really smart people ahead of me that the fear and the peace, they can coexist at the same time. You can feel called to something and it can still be scary, Shannon. And most of the time, that's how it always works. They're not mutually exclusive. Fear and peace coexist.

kind of go together. And it's, I'm a believer, you're a believer, you know, it's up to us to push into that and, you know, not be afraid and not be discouraged and go for it. And at the end of the day, what is our measure of success? What is the success that we succeeded by man standards or is the success that we actually went for it? And we took a leap of faith. We stepped into that courageous path, right? That we didn't allow our fear to...

to get the best of us. You know, I like to say what's the best thing that can happen if I go for it. And often one of the best things that can happen if we go for something scary, not the worst thing, but the best thing is that we don't have to live with the regret that we didn't do it. And so I've tried to reframe that too, because I've kind of hit some resets in my life, you know, and, and, but I know like at the end of the day,

Nothing that I do is my worth. And I learned that the hard way, admittedly. But it's very freeing once you get to that place knowing I can take risks. Failure is a down payment on my success. I do it scared. That's really the only way to do it. And the success isn't the bottom line. It's that I went for it in this new season. And I could be called to something different next season, the next chapter of my life. And I probably will be. So...

So, but, you know, one thing I didn't mention with kids, Shannon, too, is, you know, not just

ask, reframing this question and saying, who do you want to be? But really making sure that we're aware. I believe kids are our future, they're the greatest natural resource in this country. I believe wholeheartedly we need to invest in them. But we also need to speak life into what we say is important, not just like the sports accolades and the academic achievements and the honor societies and the chorus. Like when you see a kid, whether it's yours or someone else's,

hold the door open for you or stand up for someone or do something kind, call that out and speak life into that. Don't just praise the accomplishment, the accolade, the spotlight, praise the things that should matter most, the character, the kind of person that this kid is trying to be, whether they're being honest or encouraging or loyal, call that out as parents. And as those that, if you're, if you're anywhere near children and you see them doing something like that, just praise,

really make it a point to call out the things that should matter the most. We'll have more live in the bream in a moment. This is Jimmy Fallon inviting you to join me for Fox Across America, where we'll discuss every single one of the Democrats dumb ideas. Just kidding. It's only a three hour show. Listen live at noon Eastern or get the podcast at Fox Across America dot com. We're talking with Paula Faris, who has multiple books. The newest one is a children's book. Who do you want to be when you grow up?

you know, encouraging kids to think about the kind of person that they want to be, the kind of character that they want to have and how they can figure out what their gifts are and what brings them joy and how they can use that to benefit other people. But really, like I said, it's, it's a great lesson for people of all ages. I don't want to give it away. But when, but when Lina is first asked him how much he wants to be, she's a very funny answer because she's still struggling with,

With all of these different things. Although, listen, when you read the book, you will love it. It's super cute. And I can identify with her answer. Oh, Shannon, just tell everybody. I didn't know if you want to give it away. It's really sweet, but it's I love it. And and you can say so she's asked, like, you know what she you know what she wants to be when she grows up by her teacher. She just blurts out. What does she blurt out?

A golden retriever. A golden retriever. Which I think is so cute. But it all kind of comes back to that golden retriever. She's like, I kind of do want to be like a golden retriever because they're loyal and helpful and smart. It's not just what they do. It's who they are. So like, it's just getting kids to answer a different question.

All of us to encourage and remind us what really matters most is the kind of person that we want to be at the end of the day as adults and as children. And Shannon, if you want to be a golden retriever, I mean...

They are the cutest puppies. Don't tell my dog. Cause I've got a lab. She was pretty darn cute too. I do think that biscuit Bream has a pretty good life. You know what I mean? There are a lot of snacks involved. There's a lot of naps and they're swimming, you know, I mean, she has a pretty good life. So I don't think the land in the life on her answer. Oh, I can understand how a kid would want to be a pup. I mean,

I mean, I guess for sure. So I'm excited for the message. And again, all of my proceeds forever and ever and ever will go to the Boys and Girls Club. So I'm excited to shine a light on what they're all about, giving kids permission to dream big. Still,

character and who these kids want to be. I think, again, kids, they're our future. We have to invest in them. And I don't think there's a greater organization doing great things for kids than the Boys and Girls Clubs of America. So I'm excited to do some good for them.

Yes, because there are so many kids who need a place, need a little bit of guidance, need a little bit of love poured into them for sure. So, so, you know, fantastic that you are doing that and that that's going to help this group too. I love what you say about doing things scared or getting through a failure and realizing, I love what you say. It's a down payment on success. Like you're going to get to that next thing. I've shared many times that I was fired from my first TV job where the guy told me I was terrible and I would never make it. And,

He couldn't believe that anyone ever put me on TV or gave me a chance. Now at the time, was that fun? No. Was it humiliating? Yes. Did I go into a soundproof edit bay and cry? I did. And called everyone I thought loved me to encourage me and not, you know, go jump off a cliff.

But like you said, I mean, it's obviously as an adult, 20 years out from that, it's easy to look back now and sort of chuckle about it. But we do go through things that are scary. But when you find out on the other side, maybe it's a different career. Maybe you move. Maybe you get married. I mean, whatever the scary thing is.

For kids, maybe it's changing your major. I mean, I did that many times in college. And listen, I changed my career when I got out too. So I love that you say we've got to be open to pivoting and doing scary things or going through a failure, which is not fun. But there's always going to be something on the other side. There will be lessons learned.

Absolutely. It was humility and also not letting my job be who I am. So I think that all of these failures, whether it's our kids walking through them or a big thing that we go through as an adult, it's such a positive message that you share that, gosh, you have such a rich life on the other side of these things.

You do. And you never know what you're really made of until you step through. I love what Martin Luther King Jr. said is faith is taking that first step when you can't see the rest of the staircase. And so I just encourage anybody that's listening that feels like, oh, I really I really kind of feel pulled in this direction, but I'm so scared. I don't know what the script is going to look like. I don't know how the story is going to end. You know what?

You're never going to know if you're moving in the right direction, Shannon, until you actually start moving. Take that step. One of my favorite analogies, and this is something that's helped me because so often we're paralyzed by our fear. We're paralyzed by our inability to make the decision. And we're like, I'm just going to wait on it. I'm going to wait on it.

And I'm like, you know, the only way that you find out if you're headed in the right direction is if you start moving. And so I just encourage who, if, if, if you feel called to something, you don't know that next step, um,

you just do the next right thing. You don't have to figure every, you don't have to how it do the next right thing. Then, then the next right thing. And pretty soon you'll figure out if you're moving in the right direction or not. It's like GPS, you know, you never know you have your destination, but you don't know if you're actually moving in the right direction until you start driving. And it'll tell you pretty soon you're going in the wrong direction, which you wouldn't have even known that had you not taken a step, had you not started moving. So,

Take do the next right thing. You'll figure it out. And again, like your success that your your value is not your job. Often, often the successes that you went for it, that you don't have to live with the regret. And you're going to be called in a lot of different directions. And I love your own personal story, how you brought that in. Like, you know, not only that your own failures, but like pivoting, pivoting is huge. We have to give ourselves the permission to pivot.

It's not our worth. And there's always something really great on the other side, but we're never going to find out until we walk through it. And it's scary, but you got to do it scared. Absolutely. So much wisdom in this book, in your words on this podcast, again, talking to Paula Faris, who is the founder and leader of Carrie Media. And her brand new book is Who Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up? Paula, tell us where we can find the book, where we can find what you're up to.

Oh, awesome. Thank you so much, Shannon. You can find the book pretty much anywhere books are sold. Again, it's called Who Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up? All my proceeds forever will go to the Boys and Girls Club. So thank you for supporting it. And you can find out what I'm up to on my Instagram at PaulaFerris.com.

And I'd love to hear from you. But Shannon, thanks so much for shining the light and for being a light. And I tell my kids that every day when I'm dropping them off at school, I'm like, go shine your light today. What kind of person do you want to be? Go shine your light. So thank you for shining your light. Well, and you too. There's no better advice.

And listen, thank you. I would encourage people to go back and read all of your books because there's so much wisdom for adults and now for kids too. So thank you for what you're doing. God bless you. And the book is out September 12th. So we wish you all the best. Thank you for joining us on Live in the Bream.

Oh, it was a brain. Had to end with it. Sorry. Started it cheesy, got to end it cheesy, Shannon. Love it. Thanks, Paula. Thank you. God bless. Listen ad-free with the Fox News Podcast plus subscription on Apple Podcasts and Amazon Prime members can listen to this show ad-free on the Amazon Music app.

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