100: Asking my mom what you’re afraid to ask yours
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Hello, my beautiful people, and welcome back to the Moments Podcast. Today we have a very special guest.

Someone that you haven't heard from in probably almost two years, which is crazy to say because it feels like yesterday we recorded together. It's also been on my list for the past two years to do another episode with this special guest. And the special guest is my mother herself, the one who birthed me, raised me, and is the only reason that we have this podcast, pretty much. So, Jamie, you want to say hi? Hi.

She's nervous, I'm nervous. We're still getting used to this whole shebang. You would think, you know, two years later...

we would have it but no but we haven't practiced really yeah we haven't practiced I guess that's true you know we did one in the car yeah and we took like back in the day when I would record the episodes I would mess up so much that we would edit it and cut the audio but now you guys know we don't do that you hear me mess up every single thing I say on every episode ever so we're gonna do this no bloopers no stops well that's even more pressure we

We can always do them if we need to, but she gets nervous for no reason. And we're just going to have fun and we're going to talk about mom things. And I asked you guys on my Instagram story, what are you scared to ask your mom? Or like, what do you want me to ask my mom? All those things. And I just think it's a cool episode because I do feel pretty lucky that my mom is also a built-in best friend slash sister. We argue more like sisters than best friends, but that's just how it goes. I think that's a pretty common mother-daughter thing.

And at the same time that she's my mom, she keeps my head screwed on straight, and she's my manager, and she's just my helper and my DIY partner in crime. And we're just talking about everything all the time, so we might as well share those things with you. And we're excited, right? Yeah.

We think we're excited. Yeah, we got this. She gets so nervous for no reason. I don't know. But I do too, and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, so that makes sense. I mean, we're on episode 100. Oh yeah, by the way guys, happy episode 100 of the Moments Podcast. Isn't that crazy? Which means we're just four weeks away from two years. That's crazy. Because I think it was October something. Yeah.

That's wild. Wow, guys. We made it. We're still going strong. Somehow, someway. Perfect. I think you were the third episode and now you're the hundredth. Yeah. Those have no correlation, but we'll pretend we do. Anyways, to get down to it, I guess we'll just start asking questions and we'll talk about them. And yeah, do you want to say anything before we start? No. She goes, no. Okay. Oh my gosh. Well, my mom is awesome. And...

Yeah. Can't Mika's cry in the beginning

No, we're not going to do all that. We're not going to get into all that. We're going to ask the questions and then we can do the rest of it later. Anyways, I guess starting with an easier one, like some of the basic questions that so many people asked, which I find to be so interesting, not interesting, I guess it makes sense. And I think this is something I can ask you now because I'm so much older, but like how should a daughter ask her mom to go on birth control?

Oh no, you said you were starting with something easy. I feel like it's an easy one. Yeah, I mean, I guess so. Um...

I don't know. I mean, you just kind of asked me. Well, I think that when I did, I think I made an excuse and I was like, I want big boobs. Yeah, you did. You did. You said you wanted big boobs. Well, and honestly, it's funny because that's actually the only reason I was getting on it. Like, it's not like I was doing anything with anyone. Right. I actually just wanted big boobs from birth control. And guess what? I didn't get them. Yeah. I did gain like 20 pounds though. Well, that's what happens. It is what happens. Um,

Gosh, I mean, it's a hard question. Like, I remember, yeah, like, trying to ask my mom. Well, yeah, how did you ask? That's a good, I think that's a better way to answer it. Because obviously, with me, I don't think I asked. I think...

Because my... You guys know Lissette's mom is my doctor, so she prescribes me with my stuff. So it was kind of an easier thing. I didn't have to be like, hey, mom, can I go to the doctor to ask for birth control? I think I just, like, separately told Lissette's mom. Yeah, I didn't have to, like, make an appointment to take you. You were just like, hey, I'm going to ask this from Anne, and that's kind of what we did. I don't know. I think my mom probably said to me, like, should...

I don't know why. I was like, I don't know. I was like older, but I think she did say to me like, you should get on it. You should get on it. And I mean, sometimes like Lisette's mom was the same way. She was like, you should get on it. Sometimes the mom will be like, Hey, I think that this is a good idea, but yeah, I guess it also depends how old you are. Like if you're like nowadays, like if you're getting ready to like leave for college and that sort of thing, like you should get on it. But I think it starts a lot younger. Yeah. Like, unfortunately I think kids are,

you know, 14, 15, 16 and dealing with that. But yeah, I mean, it's definitely a hard conversation and it's awkward and there's nothing that's ever going to make it easier. You just have to like, you know, talk yourself up. And as a mom, like, is it weird if, or not weird, is it scary if I were to come up to you and ask that? Yeah. Like I, yeah, not necessarily scary. It's just like, you kind of feel like, oh my God, my little girl's growing up. Like I'm losing my girl. And I think like if,

If you were even younger, like 13, 14, 15, like your mom is having the same feelings you are. So no matter what, it's just going to be like this awkward, weird conversation. But I would hope most moms would just support it, even if they like were uncomfortable with it or felt too young. It's one of those things, like if you say no, I mean, it's not going to stop. It's like there's an expression that's.

People always said, like, if you grew up with, like, super strict parents, those are the kids that end up, like, getting into the most trouble. So, yeah, I guess just being honest. You have to be open and honest, and I feel like I was always that way with you guys, like, when you were young. Like, we've always...

you know, had conversations and have kind of made like light of everything. We're not the most confrontational people. I think when my mom and I had to talk about anything related to that or anything in general, we would just text about it and we still do the exact same thing. Yeah. We definitely do a lot of texts. Like we'll fight through texts and we'll like deal with situations through texts, which isn't that good. I

No, it's a terrible thing. You read text messages in a different way than maybe somebody is trying to say it. I don't know.

Yeah. I mean, I just think that sometimes it's easier to just get your thoughts across on message. If you can't talk to your mom in person, though, you could, if you could, like, build up that to, like, send a text message, like, hey, mom, I want to, you know, discuss this with you, and I want to do this. And maybe sometimes, like...

planting the seed, you know, before getting face to face, there's not necessarily anything wrong with that either because then you can like process it. Your mom can get her thoughts together. You can kind of get your thoughts together. And I mean, there's no real right way to do it, especially now. I just think it's such a, there's such a, you never know. I'm trying to figure out what I'm trying to say here, but

There's moms that are all for it and moms that aren't, and it's just something you're going to have to find out. I think it all depends on how they grew up. Most of the time, it's just out of wanting you to be safe and protected, not because they're trying to stop you from experiencing your life. Right. No, it is. It's important, and it's probably one of the hardest conversations any child will ever have.

With their mom. I think so. I think it's the most awkward part of this conversation. It's one of those tough ones. Because you're also so young when it happens. I mean, even if you're... You're usually under 20 when you have to have that conversation with your parents. Like, it's still just a weird conversation. I feel like nowadays it's younger. It's probably like 15, 16. Yeah, it can be really young. But then again, I think back to when I was in high school. That's the age a lot of people started getting...

there you know when I was in high school too yeah there's always some people my friends yeah I mean I was a random that wasn't but like yeah most of my friends were and yeah so well there's always gonna be both and I don't think there's anything wrong with either wherever you sit on the scale yeah of like the ages as long as you're just I'm not even a mother but I feel like you guys are all my friends and my children just be safe and take care of yourself and respect yourself and know your worth and don't let anyone in that doesn't belong

You know? I didn't even mean that to be like that. I just, I didn't. That sounded so horrible. That sounded really bad. That's not what I was trying to say. No, you were trying to say like don't let it into your heart. Into your space, like your heart. I didn't mean like that. I know. Why did you have to take it that way? I didn't. Anyways, which I guess leads to the next question. Since we're already on this topic. Oh no. A bunch of people ask like how do you know when, I don't even want to say let someone in anymore. How do you let someone love you? No, that also sounds weird.

How do you open your heart to someone? Like, how do you know when it's someone that's worth your time and your energy? Gosh, that's a hard thing because I feel like

Well, especially the thing is now, I'm sure guys were the same when you were growing up, but it is a scary world out there now. Boys are actually terrible. And I think that I've only been able to understand how bad they were now that I have Gabe, who's like the most loving, respectful, like he has the bar set so high kind of guy. But it wasn't until him that I realized every other guy that I've ever talked to or like has wanted to talk to me just has the worst of intentions. And I never...

even saw it or noticed it, but most guys now are very terrible. I think worse than they ever were. You know, I totally agree. I mean, I don't want to bash guys, but I feel like they have one intention. They have one mind. Their mind is set in one way. Yeah. So I don't think that's hard for a girl. I think that like even scientifically, this is a fact. I mean...

Especially teenage boys. Yeah. But I definitely also feel like as a girl and like having a daughter, it's important that you teach them to like love and respect themselves. And if somebody's pressuring you into do that or you're feeling any kind of pressure, like I don't care how much you love them, you need to like walk away. Because if that's like one thing that's going to make or break your relationship, like...

You know, no. Don't feel that...

And like I said, I've had a ton of friends growing up and they would just go from one guy to the next. It kind of goes between guys and girls that can go both ways. But I was never like that. I always respected myself and just really... And I think you were the same way. Yeah. And I mean, I think that there's situations where it doesn't come down to not respecting yourself. It's just like a lot of people say now they want to do it for empowerment and this and that, which I totally get. There's no room to judge anyone. But if you are someone who...

feels like you're doing it just to please someone else or to make someone else happy or to feel liked by another person. Like that's when I think you got to know that you deserve better and like you deserve someone to actually love you and like want to be with you for the right reasons. But that's just such a fine line, especially if it's not a conversation you have with, then again, we didn't really have any conversations about it.

Growing up too much. I was just always so scared. You were just a good kid though and I knew that. Yeah, I guess I didn't even hang out with guys. Like if I had been, I think we would have had more conversations. Oh, I would have definitely had more conversations with you. But I think like I'm a pretty good judge of like reading a room and seeing what's going on. And I knew you weren't like guy hopping from one to the next. Like I just, I knew you and knew how much you were home and what you were doing that, that...

99% of chance was not happening. But if it was, we definitely would have had different conversations. Yeah, I think so. I'm glad I didn't have to have them. I know. I don't know. We can't even talk about these things now. I'm so glad you were good. If you listened to our first episode together when we talked about this conversation, it was...

I don't think we finished a single sentence. I don't either. It's just something that's so hard to talk about. And I'm trying to like be better at talking about it because it doesn't have to be so serious and like this really touchy subject. But I don't know. Just especially at... If you're young, which if you're listening to this, most of you guys are either my age or a little bit younger, just like know your worth and know that there's nothing wrong with letting people in to that part of your life. But...

Just do it for the right reasons, not the wrong ones. Yes. Because if you have to do that, if you have to lose a part of yourself for someone else to love you, I don't think that that person's worth your time. And...

I can confidently say now there is a right, there's a good people out there. Yes. They do exist, which is so weird. Never in my life would I think that I had a boyfriend, I would have a boyfriend. Or like I would even be at this point. But there's good ones out there. There really are. You gotta be patient. The right one will come around. And it's not, you don't have to, like, when all your friends have boyfriends, you don't have to feel like you have to have a boyfriend. Like, honestly, if I could give...

One form of advice like if you're in high school and young don't have a single like be single I was always single I remember to like the end of my senior year and I got my boyfriend and I was with him for a long time and Those were amazing times, but I was single all through high school and I loved it You know I had my parents to like tell me what to do and yes to no and I watched all my friends with Boyfriends struggle and crying and fighting and this and that and why?

Why do that? Like your high school years should be like the funnest years of your life and you don't need to be tied down to anyone. You have the rest of your life to like have a guy and be married and go through all of that. So I totally agree. Stay single. Like if you can until you're like 18. Yeah. Enjoy those years. As long as you can figure it yourself. And I think that in high school too.

I don't know. I don't really... A lot of... Most of my friends didn't have high school boyfriends. But there are people who, like, stay consistently with a boyfriend. Okay. Different boyfriends. From, like, middle school to... They're just relationship people. And I think that that's good if you're in, like, healthy relationships. But...

Most high school relationships are by no means healthy whatsoever. And I think that's mostly because in high school you're at such an impressionable age and you still don't even know anything about yourself. And you morph who you're becoming based on this person that you're with. And then it just sends you into a whole identity crisis spiral, I think, at the end of it. Because then if something does happen and you don't stay together, you're like, wait, who even am I without this person? Which is...

It's own beautiful thing in its own way because you get to discover yourself at whatever age you are. But I do think staying single in high school is a great thing to do. Yeah. I think it's... For sure. It's just more fun that way too. A lot more fun. The only young ones enjoy those years. Yeah. And that's the thing. Most of us have the goal of getting married. We're going to be with someone for literally the rest of our lives. Why do that for like 50 years if it only... Yeah. I don't know. It's just...

That's definitely a piece of advice. But did we even answer the question really? What was it? Like how do you know? What are like traits of someone in your eyes that is someone that you should, is like deserving of your heart? What are green flags in a guy to put it in simple terms? I mean to like put you first, to listen to you, to care about your feelings, to respect you, to opening the door, to like just little like.

Little things like that. I think it's also like paying attention to people's family and how they treat their parents and what their parents are like because all of those things affect who they are as a person and who they're going to be as they continue to grow and get older and

Oh, that. Looking at someone's family and the dynamics and their parents and how they treat each other. Yeah, it's definitely. It's very challenging. And how they treat their mom. That's a huge thing because that's how they're going to. Respect women in general. Treat you. Excuse me. That was a good one.

Yeah, no, I think family is a huge one. Obviously, given a lot of people have family situations that are out of their control. But I mean it in the sense of like, pay attention to how they treat their family, not necessarily how their family has treated them. That's something that they have no power over. You know, like people, everyone has a different situation. But overall, just pay attention to how they treat other people. I think that that's my biggest thing is like,

You know, there's guys out there that are so nice to you and then terrible to everyone else and talk badly. If I watched this happen with one of my friends, he was great to her, but would talk so disgustingly horrible about every other female, every other person. And I'm like, that's just not comfortable. There's nothing good about that person. That person's not going to be good forever to you if that's how they talk about others. Right. So that's a big one. Yeah.

Yeah, just use your... Trust your instincts, you know? Like, is this someone that you actually could trust and love? And then eventually, you'll get your answers. Yeah. Yeah, okay. So, another one that we have. How... What would be a good way to, like, ask you to go to therapy? Like, I know that when I first went...

I kind of forget how it went down. I more so wanted to get a life coach because my ADHD was so bad that I couldn't do any of my tasks and I was just so overwhelmed, which even with a therapist doesn't really go away. But I kind of used that to start talking about therapy with you. Yeah. Not like, hey, I'm going through this, even though...

That's also what I was going through along with being so overwhelmed by the ADHD, which ties into the anxiety and then the sadness and all of the things. They all go together. But in middle school when I went through everything and I was super depresso and anxious all the time, we didn't even talk about therapy because it wasn't talked about at all. I think just in general, therapy wasn't as talked about and I also...

Think therapy, it depends on, like, your personal experience with it. And I was very against therapy just because when my parents got divorced, I watched my mom go to therapy, which was great that she was, like, going to therapy and helping herself and we had a lot going on in the family. But her therapist, and I, like, still remember her name and her face and we talk about her all the time, like, totally...

brainwashed my mom into just like being this person of like okay you've taken care of your family you've found a wife now you have to take care of yourself and I have to say that it has changed my mom from that day she like went from this like

hands-on dinner every night cooking person to more of this attitude of I'm taking care of myself and that's it which I think is like something that yes to an extreme yeah there's a there's a point there where it's like you take care of yourself first so that you can like still be there for others you have to be there for your like your family and your kids and like your kids are still younger not like she's not there but I just feel like as a mom like my kids like I

I don't want to act like I'm a princess now. Lexi, you need to take care of me because I'm older. So I guess I just had this really weird feeling and that was just this one therapist and the way... I mean, my mom got through what she got through, but I do feel like it completely changed her entire personality. So I did not jump to therapy with you. We kind of did like every other...

You know, aspect of stuff. But then as I was getting acupuncture, I got a colonoscopy before I went to therapy. We did like all kinds of stuff because there was always just like different things wrong. And I think it's hard too sometimes to admit like I need therapy or I need to go. Like I don't go to therapy. Like I've never been to therapy. You literally should go to therapy. I don't know why you don't go to therapy.

I don't know. Like, yeah, I don't know. I probably could use, I know I could use a lot of therapy. Well, because I think that there's... I just don't like to spend the money on it and... Yeah, no, that's kind of where my head's at. Now I only go once, like, less than once a month at this point just because it is expensive. It is. But it, I do notice it is worth it when I'm doing it less often. When I'm going every week, it's not worth it because a lot of the things I'm talking about are super repetitive. But when I spread it out...

It's worth it because I'm like taking the time and the money to just invest in my own sanity. Because it's not like I go to therapy. And I've been really blessed. My therapist is awesome. If you guys listen to this, you've definitely listened to the episode with her. She's very just knowledgeable. And she explains things in like...

explains, this is why you're feeling this. Yeah. And does that instead of, well, you need to drop that person. You need to kick them out the door and you need to this and that. She's like, no, you're feeling this way about them because they're trying to do this for you, which is making you think this way and dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. And you're like, oh, okay. So how do I like backtrack and just...

reevaluate how I'm acting and then just kind of take it from there instead of putting me on this high horse and saying, you're doing nothing wrong. You're perfect. She's like, no, you messed up here. You messed up here. And like, you're going to keep messing up. And I think that that's where it takes time to find the right therapist. And like, there's also therapists that are just going to make you feel super, thankfully I've never had this experience, but uncomfortable and like wrong for feeling upset. And it's like in a terrible office setting that is super uncomfortable. Like that's the kind of thing you,

You run from. Like that's not the way I... Like you don't want to like go into this office. This cold office. And sit and talk. And I think maybe the one time I did go to therapy. My mom maybe made us go to therapy. I don't know. I was like...

Where are we? What are we doing? Yeah. Like, it wasn't... But, like, when I... When you said you wanted therapy or somebody brought that up, I remember, like, calling around because it was so important to me that I spoke to somebody beforehand. That was when you wasn't someone who was going to do it. Like, I called Jessica and I was like, all right, I'm kind of interviewing you in a way to be my daughter's therapist because I didn't want to send you to somebody that didn't somewhat have the same values or parenting or whatever it was that I had. Mm-hmm.

Because I didn't want you totally changing. And I also didn't want, like, you know, somebody, I mean, not saying most people, like, push you away from your family, this and that. But, like, you have to be careful. Yeah, definitely. Of who you're with. So I do remember I went to a good friend and asked her. I'm like, who can you send me to? And Jessica happened to be one of them. I remember calling her.

And I remember calling her throughout other times. It's not like she can, like, talk to me about what you guys talk about. But I do let her know that, like, I'm there. I mean, I don't do that anymore. But, like, before, like, that, you know, I'm there. And I'm aware of what's going on. And...

Yeah, and I think that if you are wanting to ask your parents or talk to them about that, one, I would maybe hit it with one parent at a time. I don't think that's something you need to go to both of them with. Just because for some reason, no offense, you older guys get a little bit offended, I think. I think it comes down to that sometimes. It's like, I don't want to, no, you don't need to go anywhere. Like, we're your parents. You can just talk to us. Well, that's how dad is, kind of. That's exactly how my dad is.

did it and like I said I had a bad experience with the two but I've opened up because I've seen with Lexi how that's changed you know it's changed her it's helped her and it might not help me it might not help you know one of my other kids but it's helped her so I just kind of I view it as like a learning opportunity and especially given what I do as a job which is

talk to you guys and learn about mental health I think that it would be really really hypocritical of me not to talk to someone about what I go through because it also teaches me why I'm going through these things which helps me understand more about what I'm talking to you guys about in general but

Yeah, just have an honest, open conversation with your mom or your dad, maybe whichever one's a little bit less against it, and just be like, hey, we can find someone together. Like, we can talk to them. We could even maybe go to one together. Like, just be willing or understanding that your parents might not have the greatest reaction. You never know what you're going to get, but it's still worth trying because I think that with the right amount of time, like, it'll be worth it for both of you guys because ultimately it will help heal...

all of the relationships that you have in your life. So just kind of explain it to them. And I think always be honest, don't try to hide what you're feeling or what you're going through because that's just when it gets even 10 million times more messy.

And sometimes as parents, like, if you go to your mom or dad and you say something to them and they're, like, stand backish or they take offense to things or whatever it may be, give them a little time. Like, I know I sometimes, like, with everything, you can't just change my plan. You can't just come to me with something. I need to, like, process it for a few minutes, evaluate, like, what you're asking, and then talk about it again. So don't get, like, discouraged if right away they're, like, you know, hands up kind of. And another thing, too, I remember...

like when I was younger, younger, was going to like youth group. Mm-hmm.

And stuff at the church. Because then you are also with like a really, you know, and this was free, you know, a group of people. And you would talk about things. So that's also, if you don't, maybe not like a one-on-one therapist or if you don't have the money for that. Also finding a group that is going through similar things. And a youth group is always a really good place. That's actually super great. We used to have fun, you know. But then you would sit and talk. And it wasn't all...

you know, religious stuff where you like sit around in a circle and talk and maybe you find like one friend there that's like there for the same reasons. You know what I mean? And then you can connect and talk through things. And I think that's also super cool. I wouldn't even think of that.

But, yeah, and the thing is with youth groups, they don't always – they're not always super Jesus-y. I think that – No, that's what I'm saying. They're not all like that. Pushed away. Like, so long ago, if you had been like, you should go to youth group, you should go to Bible study, I probably would have been like, uh, no. Yeah. I don't want to go be like, Jesus girl. Now, one, I think that's awesome, and I probably would love to do that, but just have an open mind to everything. Yeah. I always say that. But, like, just meet people, talk to people. I think talking to people is really helpful because –

A lot of times that's when we process the most is when we just speak instead of just think because you can't keep everything up there. Otherwise it all gets jumbled up, which you guys know is exactly what happens to me. And I guess you too.

Oh, yeah. Well, and then the journaling is good too. Oh. To get this stuff off your mind. Like, that is huge. And I, I wish I, well, no, sometimes I don't want to go back and read that stuff, but I would like go on my notes and my phone, like whenever I've gone through things and I like write books and I'm just like, like, and you get it all.

off of your head or putting it on paper. And once you like get rid of it and you don't necessarily even like have to send it anywhere, but it's amazing. Like, and you always teach this, like putting it on paper. Okay. I cleared my mind a little bit. Like you have to, you have to visualize the thing is when it comes to journaling or when it comes to any of these, like a lot of times I'll think to myself in the shower that like all of the water drops falling off of me or like the, the bad things I'm feeling and the negativity. And the thing is none of that crap is going to work if you don't believe it's going to work.

Like you have to visualize these things and you have to just have like this faith and this hope and this trust in God or the universe or whatever it is, higher power that you believe in. And I think that once you can connect that like visualization to the trust, that's when you actually feel trust.

things be effective. Like if I sit in my journal and I write it down and I'm like, oh, I'm putting it out on paper. I'm never going to feel it again. One, you're going to probably feel it again, but just trust that over time it's literally leaving your mind or it's rinsing off your body or whatever it is. Yeah. But yeah, I don't think be afraid to talk about therapy. I also like, I know that's so much easier for me to say because

Because now I've been in it for two years and I'm like, no, it's no big deal at all. Therapy is great. Awesome. And I, you know, talk about it publicly to however many million people. Right. But that's easier for me only because it's been so long. But in the beginning, it was definitely tough. But being vulnerable is really important. And I think it just is just going to it's a good thing. And therapy is great. And I will always, always, always say that.

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When you were young, this one's, I'm really interested to know your answer for this one. It's not, it's not a scary one. When you were younger, like, let's say, I don't even want to say my age. Let's talk, like, 18-ish. Were you scared of growing up? Like, were you scared of becoming an adult? Or did you want to become an adult? Like, what was your, where was your head at? So, when I was, like, younger, younger, I... Well, tell me at, like, 16. I'm trying to, like... And then tell me at, like, 23. Okay.

Well, no, you had me by 23. Yeah, so that's what I was going to say. Like, when I was younger, more like middle school, let's just say, I always, like, couldn't wait to have a family and have kids. And I always was babysitting and kind of, like, in that mindset, you know? And then, like, through high school and towards the end of high school, like, yeah, I remember being like, oh, my God, school's coming to an end. Like, what am I going to do kind of when I grow up? But then I also kind of...

Like, just started having fun and traveling and going out and doing that kind of thing. So I didn't necessarily, like, think of it. Like, have the opportunity. Like, I was in my, like, partying fun. And then all of a sudden...

Oops. Boom. I was pregnant. Yeah, you didn't even have that time to like go through those fears or those thoughts. No, no, no. I didn't get to go through what you were going through because I literally went from, you know, out every night at the clubs having fun to... Pregnant. Holy crap. I'm pregnant and I'm having a baby. That's actually wild. Like there was never...

I never had that thought. It's kind of nice. You got to skip this step. It's a horrible step. I think that anyone who, and we've touched on this, but like, I know it's relatable to, I want to say, everyone who's like post-grad. I mean, even all my friends. It's like such a weird age of like, oh, now I have to become an adult, but like, when do I settle down? But like, when do I have a kid? When do I know if I'm secure enough in my job? Like, how do I know I have the right job? It's kind of weird.

And am I the right guy? Like, is this who I want to marry and be with forever? You didn't even have a choice. God literally was like, okay, that's your guy, and you're having a baby now, and figure it out. So that's where it's hard, and I can imagine in your age and going through that, how that is scary. It's like, okay, well now I gotta either go to college or until the day before, you know. Well, where were you at? You at this point...

You graduated high school with honors. Graduated with honors. Of course. It's such an inside joke because she's a smart lady. She's got a lot of street smarts, but you know, she didn't know the day we got our independence. Like that's the kind of... Stop! I still don't... No, we'll just... That's a whole nother podcast if you guys really want to get... Oh my gosh, we need to do a trivia one. Oh my gosh. But aside from that, she's one of the smartest people that I know. Just not...

Not school smart. I'm like more of the street smart sort of person. You have like a very, very, very strong mind. Just not on history facts, which is totally valid. You can't be talented at everything. Yeah, you know, got to pick your things. But...

Anyways, where was I going with that? So then, did you... You didn't go to college. Or just tell me about what your experience was like not going to college. Because I feel like even then... Yeah. Actually... There were still... I mean, I guess there were a few years of, like, say, being lost. So, graduated high school. I had just started dating somebody. Because, like I said, I was single all through high school. And he was from Brazil. So, we would...

Kind of like travel back and forth. And at the time I had a telemarketing job. So I was making like really good money. And I could like... We could go out at night. Like wake up in the morning. Pretty much go to work in your pajamas. And I was making good money. I wasn't like... Um...

hurting so I kind of felt like I was in the big girl world I was paying for my own apartment well I was living here but I was paying for it yeah I'm paying for it yeah I mean that's no that's what I'm saying yeah like you are paying for it oh I thought you were saying I wasn't no I'm saying I was paying my dad to live here how weird is that guys like my mom lives in this exactly where I'm living right now and like she paid her parents and I pay my parents and

And where we're sitting was where Lexi's crib was. Like she was born in here. Oh my God. Isn't that weird? You're like, crib was right here. I don't want to think about that. Um, it's so random, but anyway, so I did have those. And remember I, I didn't go, I always wanted to go to Florida state and I stayed back for my boyfriend and I was like, I'm going to go next year with my sister who was a year behind. So I plan on going away to college with her, but then I was totally involved in my relationship, making good money. And,

just kind of partying. I kind of went down... I mean, like, if you asked my mom or something, you would say, like, I kind of went down...

bad path. What was your relationship with her at this time? With my mom? Because I think as a daughter, I always forget that you're a daughter too. Yeah. Like what honestly just overall growing up, was your relationship with Mimi like ours is? Or like what were the differences? Yeah. We were close. My mom was super involved in like everything that we did, PT, president, all that. So she was...

Yeah, involved and closed. And we were close. And then high school, we were close. And then my parents got divorced. I think I was 16. Yeah. Honestly, actually, adding to this very long story that we're creating right now. Yeah. Obviously, I can't speak on that. But a lot of people ask me, like, oh, my parents are getting a divorce. Like, how do I move forward? And how do I move on from it? And, like, obviously, that's taxing on your mental health. And then also, like, it's...

I feel like that freaks you out for your own future. Like, cause you worry that what if that happens to you? No, it is. It's scary. It's like, I couldn't believe it. I remember like when my parents were like, we're getting divorced. I mean, I started sense fighting and you know, that sort of thing. But I was also like, this is so silly. Like, why are you doing this? And so yeah, like my dad moved out and we were in the house with my mom who, you know, then was back in

back in therapy, right? And she, you know, turned around and actually kind of like started turning into a teenager. So here's like my sister and I and my mom who now is going out and she's going out with, you know, single friends, friends that are younger, like they're going out and they're partying and she's getting in the dating scene again. So like we... That's just gotta be a weird...

It was so weird because we like had to kind of like hold down the fort in a way. Like we all hung out and partied at our house in high school and then my mom would come home and, you know, start playing music. So we had this like weird relationship at that age because I felt like she was doing what we were doing. Yeah. Which is like a cool thing, but it's also... Yeah, it was cool. I feel like you lose that sense of...

Yeah. And it turns Warren to friend, which is a blessing and a curse, I think, in a lot of cases. Yeah. Especially at that age. It was hard. When you want to, like...

Talk to someone older and wiser. And then you're watching them go through things and you're wanting to help them. And then you're like, dad's not there. It is. It's a hard, it's a hard thing to like go through. And then at 18, like, so as soon as my sister graduated, my mom sold our house. My sister went to Florida state. She's like, I'm moving into a one bedroom. There's no room for you. And I was like, what?

And so I found a little one bedroom apartment before my dad bought this place.

And so, yeah, I was just out. I was 18. I was out. I remember, like, thank God for my boyfriend's family because I literally spent, I mean, I had my own little tiny back room of these people's house. But I was over there all the time. I was like, because you miss that family. Yeah. You know, you want your family. Well, I mean, I think that that's why, like, my biggest fear always growing up was, like, what if something happened? And, like, I think the older I get now, too, though, it's like I see people as humans. Like, I see people as individuals, not, like, people.

I don't know how to explain it, but it's like, okay, would you rather two people be upset and together or happy and apart? So it's less of a fear. Such a hard thing. I mean, obviously, it still is. But when I was younger, I can't imagine going through that. And so many people do at such a young age. Yeah. And it's just tough. I feel like I would... And this is just me, but...

would fight for a relationship like I would do anything in the world to keep our marriage together I mean other than if I was like being abused okay stuff like that's a different story you know what I mean but like or dealing with an alcohol like dealing with things like that that are like unmanageable that's a different story and

protecting you guys as kids. It's affecting you so like it's physically and it's scary. Like that's a different story. But anything else, like we're all human. Okay. We're all going to make mistakes. We're all going to like, you know, have phases in our life where our brains are different, like, you know, husband and wife. And so, but I would do anything in the world having gone through what I did. And luckily my parents stayed friends and they made it very easy on us and we did holidays together. But for the most part, for the most part in the big picture, things are like,

I would do anything in the world to stay with dad just for you guys. Even if I had to give up parts of myself being happy, no matter what, for my children. Because I think it's so important. I mean, I feel like love is a choice. And you have to, like, evaluate what's worth it. Yeah. And I think that in a... I think it is. You know? Like, once you marry someone, you marry. You commit to them. You really, like, work through things together. And you have to be a team. And...

teams are gonna fight. I think that that's honestly what makes a stronger marriage is the bigger you fight,

Yeah. The stronger you love. And the more you go through. Yeah. Like everyone goes through their middle. You know you're having a bad day. Like you're having a breakdown. You know. Like say yesterday I'm having this breakdown. And if I'm like you know what. I can't even take you. I'm just going to run away. Which a lot of people do. They just. They think about. Okay let me just run away. Yeah. Let me just go start this new relationship. And this new love. It's just putting a bandaid on everything. The grass is not greener on the other side. It's the same ground. It's never greener. Never. Ever. It's only greener.

you water it. And I will take that one to the grave. But I mean, I think back to even like the first couple months I was with Gabe, I've gone from this like super single and we've touched on this, you guys listening a little bit, but not too much. Like I was so scared in the first couple months because I've always been this very independent, very on my own, very like love my time and my space kind of person. And

And obviously you let someone in and all that kind of goes away. Gabe is also super respectful if I'm like, hey, I need to be by myself. Yeah. He's all for it. But at the same time, I'm like, wait, but I don't want to be. So then I just have this conflict. But where was I even going with that? Well, just...

Oh, so yeah. So I had to just like learn how to let him in. And then I got super scared. And I was like, is this worth it? Like do I want to have to give up this part of myself and my time? And like I want to focus on my career and all this. And after those like few scary months, it has been all worth it. And like I think that the love is...

Worth whatever struggles I have to go through to like get to the point where I'm comfortable with it What's more fun to go through with somebody? Yeah, like, you know share the ups in the downs and the struggles and if you

somebody there with you that's like understanding and supporting you and going through it and you're gonna have times where you're focusing on your career and he's supporting that dad and I always have that there were times where I literally worked 24/7 yeah you know he was home and we were juggling kids to vice versa like he works 24/7 now and I'm more home so like we've both carried the weight and that's like in any relationship I mean it's definitely it's nicer to do it it's never always gonna be 50/50 no I think that that people

It's cool when you go through things at opposite times because I think that that's when you can work through things. When you're both going through shit at the same time, that's where it hits the fan. Yeah. That's where it gets hard. But it's cool. It is actually really cool to be in. I never in my life thought I would say this, but I actually really love having someone that, like, loves me and that I get to love even on, like, the bad days. I'm so impressed. I can't even. I pray all the time. I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

she like has to find someone and she has to like because I'm bad at opening up and I really did pass a bad gene on to Lexi with that and I know I did and I um well you did it though and you are that way to come across as strong and to be strong well I just make it up I'm really not exactly I seriously like I

put on a game face since you were a baby I would be like because I would get every day I went to kindergarten I was throwing up my breakfast like I would get anxiety and I'm like oh my god I'm not gonna have a child like that and you used to like hang on my leg and when you were little and I'm like no no no no and I would call you and I would like throw you into settings and I would go around the corner and I would cry and I would like call my sister and I'd be like

I'm, like, freaking out for her. And she's, like... And my sister still to this day always goes, like, how did you do that? You made such a strong girl. And I'm, like, shh. But she's strong, but she's also weak, but she's like me. We just put on this game face and you, like, get through it. But, like, you're inside. Well, usually the traits that you guys have, like, the traits that I have, come from my parents. Yeah. They literally...

scientifically come from you guys or they've come from like the way I was raised as a child so a lot of the times like the things that drive you crazy about yourself or the things that drive you crazy about your parents you guys have because you both have them so that's another and you're gonna grow into me just like I kind of grow into my mom and you definitely like pick

things like I will not do that I will not do that my mom does that I won't do it I will not grow old and do that and I'm sure you have a million things like that I mean we all do we all it's just

There was something I wanted to say before, and I forget what it is. Oh, so yeah, so you always seem so strong to me, and I think you obviously are, but the older I get, the more I realize that we're both, like, all of us, no matter the age difference, we're all still, like, living for the first time, which is, like, my favorite thing to think about because...

One in the sense of like I used to view adults. I guess I'm an adult now so it's weirder to say but like older people, people older than me as like they know so much more and they're so much better at this and that which for the most part yeah but like at the same time they're figuring things out one day at a time and we're all learning new things every day and like figuring it out every day and just like.

I don't know, it brings me comfort. Yeah, because I've never been this age. I've never had three teenagers. These are all firsts too. Having kids, you don't come with it. It doesn't come with a book. So as parents, we're going to totally mess up and we're going to do bad things. But we don't know, just like you don't know. You're going to go out and you're going to do something stupid. We all make mistakes. So you have to also give your parents some...

on that side of things and do understand that you didn't come out of the middle. Which is something I don't think you learn how to do until you get older. Yeah. Like, I think now we still have our fights, but they're not the fights in the sense of, like, you don't let me do anything. Like, you don't let me hang out with these friends. Like, you don't go to parties. It's different. Like, they're not... I don't want to say they're more mature fights because they're still so immature and more children. But, like, that's just...

Well, it's more feelings. It's more of like, okay, you know, it's more real and emotional versus like that party. You're the worst mom ever. You know, it's like learning each other's emotions and certain times of the month. And I've been definitely been more aware of this with in my like journaling and writing and like your hormones and everything else. So it's,

dealing with that side of things that, you know, like you're going through it this week. I might be going through it this week. And this week I'm like, there's one week that we actually over, because we also have to remember here that my mom is essentially my manager too, which gets like so hard for me sometimes at certain points. And like, whenever I'm in a funk or I'm on like the lower part of the wave, because like, I just feel so like everywhere I go, there's no one I can really go to. That's like, just going to

be a shoulder to cry on because you always want to push me and see me succeed. But I mean this in like, in a good way. But now I have Gabe to do that. So it's, that's good. Like you can, I don't know how to explain it. It's just like a lot of people go to their mom when they are stressed about their work, which we can't really do, which is fine. It's just a, definitely a unique situation.

situation to be in. It's hard. It's a unique situation. It's like working with family. If your parents have like a family business, I'm sure you've seen the effects of like, you're going to fight and argue over work. And then also that obviously is going to affect like normal things. But for the most part, I think we only fight about work these days. Yeah. I mean, it's just, but I'm also like, it's so important to me to still teach you as a mom to be

held accountable and to, you know, respond to people and to show up. Not that you don't do that. I'm not saying you don't do those things, but there's still times when I'm like, no, Lex, like you need to do this. And I, so there's like teaching moments, but then turn into work moments and it all blends. And this is, we've definitely learned a lot over the last couple of years, but I think in the big picture of things, I think we have

a pretty good system down. We definitely have our times, but... But if it wasn't me, it would be somebody else. Let's just take, like, your boss and your mom, boom, like, double whammy. But that's also, like...

Even if I had a different job, it would be my boss making me feel certain think it's really it's an inevitable experience that we're all gonna feel like yeah It's normal and I just think that it's it's also okay to like normalize you can have a beautiful strong relationship with someone and still have Like your moments and your fights and like I guess me and my mom fight will fight and then we'll like not talk about it and then like I'll usually end up apologizing and then she will and then you apologize first well

The other day I did. The other day you did. I sometimes do. A lot of times I'll realize, like, the thing is, most of the times I have good intentions when I try to bring up things. I just, a lot of times when I bring them up in, like, an irritable, angry state, they just kind of come out wrong. And again, we text about all of our fights too. So, I don't know. A lot of times we just, like, let things pass. I think you just move on. And then you just move on. You just give each other space for a couple hours. Just go to bed. But not in the way that it just, like,

gets worse and worse and builds up. It's like, it's always the same thing every time. We just have to have the fight, let it simmer, let it evaporate, and then it's fine. Yeah. I really do think it's inevitable having a mom and a boss. Yeah. It's just, if we didn't have that, we probably, a lot of those conversations and situations wouldn't go on. But then again, it's also important to talk about those feelings and to go through them. Like, is...

Yeah, I don't know. And I mean, I agree that it's the same way I say that like, in a way, I'm so grateful for the times I've been in super dark places because without those feelings, you can't appreciate the good ones. And I think the same way with like having the big and scary conversations with people that you fight with or argue with, not even necessarily your mom, like I'm talking your partner or your best friend, or maybe it is your real boss, like,

I don't know where, how did we get here? I don't even know what we're talking about. Like the last thing I remember talking about is that you were 18 and partying. Like, I don't know what happened. That was, I mean, I guess that's great. Like, I guess that's cool when that happens, but somehow we got here. I guess we covered a lot of things in that little segue that we did.

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You'll have to come back on for a third feature. Yes. Okay. The next one, I'm reading through my list right now. I think we've answered like two. Oh, no. Had I not existed, like if I was not born, what do you think that you would be doing? Oh, my gosh. I don't know. Honestly, I feel like at the point in my life...

When I got pregnant, like I probably could have gone down a very bad path of like, like I felt like God was like, all right, I'm stopping you here. This is like what you need to do. Um, so, or I would have just like,

bounced through that I probably would have like who knows where I would have ended up honestly I don't I don't think I would have ever left with my sister and gone to school because at that point she was like years in um there's probably a good chance I would have been like ended up back in Brazil and you know going to do that like

rebound thing back and forth for a while. Like, but I just feel like, yeah, like dad was obviously put in my life like for a reason at that moment. And I have no idea where I would be. That's just crazy. I could like either be in a grave or living in another country.

Who knows? Yeah. But somehow you're here. I was very like... In the same house you had me. Yeah. With me. It's so weird. If you guys don't know that story, and I'm sure you might have heard it by now, my parents were only together for like a few months when I popped into the picture. And they were like literally living where I'm living now. Yeah. Which is just so...

It's cool. I used to really think that I never wanted to live here and grow up here because I thought it was just this bubble of terrible people. And don't get me wrong. I think that people who don't leave here to just try to like see other places. Yeah. I think that that's like a red flag and it is a scary little very concealed bubble, our town. But now that I've like done my traveling and I've seen other places, there's no place that I'd want to be a different home base. But I tried it. You know, I lived in Hawaii. It was a great time, but...

I've learned there's nothing more valuable than, like, being close to my family. Well, home. I think it's, like, we're all so close. And it's your childhood memories. And I literally grew up right here in Boca. And those memories are still, like, so... I don't know. We're, like, memory people. Like, we're family people. Which I never thought I would be. Like, I was so anti-home.

Yeah. Grow up where you grew up. Like, I wanted to raise my kids around the world. But you've traveled all over. And I still do believe, like, even though you'll have your, like, home base here and eventually have your house here always, like, you're going to still explore. Yeah. Like, I would love to see you, like, when you have a baby, take your baby and go explore and travel all over. Like, those, I can still see you doing that, but you always still, it's nice to come home. Yeah. It's just cool to have a home base because...

I think that having a relationship with your family is so important. And I didn't know that until, like, I left you guys, you know? Yeah. And I was 5,000 miles away. But, yeah, like, if you are kind of an age or a state where you're the one who's separating yourself from your family, just know, one, that in a couple years you're going to end up right back where you started and you're going to want your mom and dad.

But two, like, take the initiative. Is that the right word? Initiative to do so yourself and to keep that relationship because friends are going to go, relationships are going to end, but family is potentially something that can be there for the long run. Yeah. And I'll take that one to the grave too. Like, even when... And you don't always realize that when you're younger. Like, it comes back around as you just hit different phases of your life. Well, and you think about how me and my younger brother used to fight, like...

And we still fight. But now it's like, I don't mind when we spend time together. And, like, I want to spend time with them. Same thing with my parents. In high school, I was like, get me out of this house. They don't let me do anything or hang out with anyone. And then you realize it's just because they're protecting you. Yeah. And I do think there's a fine line. I think there's parents that are a little bit too protective and keep their kids a little too sheltered, which is, like, okay.

whole but then they're just gonna like run because as soon as they get away and i watch this all the time even with friends kids and stuff like they're gonna go away to college and they're gonna be like have never had a drink they've never not had a curfew they've never and they literally and everyone does if they go to college they hit rock bottom and then they pick themselves up but i kind of feel like i'd rather let that all happen under my supervision so when i send you away it's not a big deal yeah it's kind of like nothing nothing too different yeah um

Well, yeah, I think that that's different with every parent. And it's just everyone's going to have a different experience with it. But before we end, I guess I would just want to say, remember that your parents are in most cases. And again, I can't speak for everyone's situation. I know that there are terrible parents out there. People that have like actually been a bad parent. But in a lot of cases, when you think your parents are like being mean and terrible and strict...

They're just looking out for you. And if I could give myself one piece of advice when I was younger, it would be to just know that and recognize that. But yeah, that's my, that's going to be my ending point. What do you want to tell them as a mom? Like, I don't even want to say just, just a piece of something you would want to tell them to tell a daughter who's like, I don't want to say fighting with their mom, but just to tell me when I was 17, like,

Well, it's hard at that age to have those talks because you don't want to listen. Yeah, yeah. You're like hard-headed and that's probably what a lot of the girls are, you know, people listening are doing to their mom and everything that comes out of their mouth, they're hating what their mom's saying. They're, you know, so I just say like,

Kind of just give your mom grace or give your parents grace. Yeah, just know that they're people. They're really, like, looking out, like, we birthed you. You are my entire life. Like, I never want anything to happen to you. So if I'm telling you no, it's usually because I'm trying to protect you. And so just understand that. Give your parents, you know, that grace. And we're not the worst people in the world. And eventually you will...

Go back and you'll sit down with them and you'll be laughing. Yeah. And think back to the stories and the things that went on. And you just also got to remember, I think a lot of times the older generation has a harder time talking about feelings than we do. So it causes just a little bit of a blockage. Very different. You guys are very different. And we've gotten to a point now where it's not as...

Now it's just... It's good to talk about your feelings. And I think it's getting a lot more normalized. And I think that parents still... And you guys are young as parents too. And if we even still have that blockage... I can't imagine for say like a parent 20 years older than you...

It's going to be harder to have those feelings conversations because they grew up in just as much of a hustle world as we did where it's like, do this, do this, do this. No, you're fine. Get up. You're not hurt. Like your arm's not broken. Keep playing. We just had to do it. Yeah. And that's where it's a fine line of like understanding you guys because sometimes I'm like,

This is dramatic. You guys are being dramatic. Like, put on your big girl pants. Like, God, you have no idea, like, what we've been through. And we just had to pick up and get through it. And so I do. I struggle because I'm, like, I'm...

I'm appreciative that you guys are talking about your feelings and you're recognizing feelings because we didn't do that. Well, because otherwise we don't or it all builds up. But you do also, like, I sometimes have to, like, feel like I have to pull out the whip. Like, it's okay. Yeah. Like, you got to just pick yourself up and go. You need a balance. Like, you can't, you know, it is. It's a balance. And the generation, like, I feel like our generations, like, this is the first time you're really experiencing this gap of this. And it's just such a strong gap, too. It's so big.

I could talk about it like for days and it's so funny because I could talk about it and it would almost go against like everything you teach because it's my brain. Yeah. Being so different. Because you never talked about your feelings or felt them your whole life growing up. Right. So now you're so anti them and you're so push, push, push, go, go, go that you don't even sit down and breathe now. No, I can't. Like, no.

Which is why you always encourage me to not... No, you don't encourage me to not sit down and breathe. But you take that out. Not take it out on me. But like... No, but I... Since that's how you are and what you went through, that's what you are. It's all you know to teach. That's all you know to be. It's my personality. If I'm like, no, I'm just going to do nothing. I need a mental day. You're like, what the heck is a mental day? No, I could like lose my mind then. Well, yeah. And then I have that now a little bit too. But with the same...

with also the pieces of like, no, you need a rest. And then they just fight at each other. It's like a whole, that's a whole nother. I was going to say a whole nother TikTok. That is where it all started. But yeah, that's, I mean, we have all this social media, which does serious damage to our heads versus like what it does. We got to be on our call. I know we got two minutes. Okay. So we'll say our goodbyes. Um, but yeah, it wasn't so bad. It's not bad.

bad i don't even know what we said me neither i hope we gave them some valuable information we did i think it's just good for people to hear that you can you know actually have a conversation with your mom yeah no that was fun yeah well we love you guys so much and we'll do this again if you want let let me know let us know look at that we got a guest and we're having another guest next week so thanks for tuning in to the 100th episode of the moments podcast that's

Crazy. I don't know how we made it this far. We're going to keep pushing. We're going to keep doing it. And we're going to do really cool, really exciting things. Yes. And on a good note, I think I'm finally out of my four-month funk. Cheers to that. Anyways, I'm also doing a podcast with Avery Anna next week. So tune in for that. She's a super cool artist. And it was super fun to have her on. Yay. But yeah, we love you. Love you. Talk to you next Monday. You want to say any last words? Bye. Okay, bye guys.