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LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. Hello, my beautiful people, and welcome back to the Moments Podcast. I don't really even know where to start. I've gotten so many DMs about a certain situation that just happened, and if you know what I'm talking about, then you know, and if you don't, then it doesn't really matter. It's honestly not that important, but it does kind of tie into what this week's episode is gonna be titled. I've gotten so many DMs
Since I first started this podcast to do a whole episode about boys and honestly had enough like situations or like not experience. That's totally the wrong word. It's going to sound wrong, but like I haven't had enough situations to do a whole episode on guys and like talk about them and talk about relationships and talk about.
All that kind of stuff. But now I do. And I'll tell a little bit of a story time, but obviously I don't want to get too, too, too into that just because what's in the past is in the past. But it does all kind of tie together. And then after I do that, I just put on my, the moment's story, like ask me your questions about boys and stuff.
I'm just going to answer those. Like honestly, in my opinion, and tell you what I think. I'm not a professional. I'm like honestly not the one to come to for like relationship advice. But I have had my fair share of like getting played, being hurt, being the one. Like I've done it all except really relationships. I only did that one time. So anyways, I guess I'll start out by giving you a little bit of a story time.
was kind of talking to this kid, right? I've known him and honestly I'm giving you this story time because I think that there's a lesson that everyone can take from this like in so many different ways whether it's related to just the guy or the friendship, whatever. I'll get into the lessons learned after the story but I was kind of talking to this guy. I've been friends with him for like a year. We've known each other from TikTok and we just kind of had a little bit of a fling
mid end of last year and not really even like we hadn't met in person we just would like snapchat sometimes and comment each other's comment on each other's tiktoks and all that stupid stuff but it was never like very serious or very real i was also kind of talking to like this other guy i wasn't this that sounds bad i wasn't like leaving them both but i personally was feeling out like who would be a better match for me ended up being neither of them that was that that was like october september last year and
This year came around and this guy got a girlfriend, right? So obviously I didn't really talk to him for the whole time period he had a girlfriend. We would randomly like swipe up on something of each other if it was like traveling or random stuff. And this is when I was also talking to someone else. And...
him and his girlfriend ended up breaking up. Like, from what I knew, him and his girlfriend were done, like, totally. And he ended up being in my town. And he, like, had an issue where he had to spend the night in my city. And...
I was at this concert, so I, like, messaged him. I was like, hey, I know you're here. Like, if you want to come to this concert, like, I'm here with a bunch of friends. Feel free to come. Whatever. Him and his friend show up. And I'm like, all right. I mean, cool. Let's all hang out. So we all hang out that night. And obviously, I was, like, driving that night. We just had fun. Like, we went to McDonald's. We went to the concert. Nothing happened. Like, nothing even remotely interesting happened. And...
The next weekend, he comes back down to my... See, like, this is... I don't even need to give you guys all of this tea. But he comes back down to my city, and he kept coming back down to my city, like, basically every weekend. There were a couple weekends he didn't. Whatever. And slowly, I was like, oh, this guy's kind of cool. Like, I could potentially like him, but I was still very much like, I don't want a relationship. Like, I'm not going to pursue this. I'm just going to see what happens with it. And...
We would talk all the time. I started, like, really being convinced that this boy likes me. Like, liked me, liked me. I mean, he was sending me flowers every week. Like, sending me random gifts. Like, we just talked 24-7, right? So, usually when it's like that with someone, you think that they like you. So, at that point, I kind of started considering, like, oh, maybe I do actually like this kid. And, like, I knew he wanted to, like, date me. And we were still never really...
Hanging out like seriously alone like we hadn't really gone on a date or anything But we would always hang out in these group settings and have a lot of fun together So I started actually opening up my heart a little bit. I'm like hmm This could be something like I don't know maybe I actually am willing to get myself into a relationship right so this all happens Saturday comes around like this past Saturday I Was with my friend who was asking about like him because she hadn't met him or anything yet she was supposed to do that night and
And she's like, oh, look, I want to see, because I mentioned that he had an ex-girlfriend, and that's always a red flag for me. I don't really like exes, but again, I was under the impression that they didn't speak anymore. And like, who am I to question that? Like, I trust people very easily until my trust is broken, right? So she's like, oh, I want to see who his ex is. I was like, oh, like, I'm blocked, so I can't show you, but...
Obviously, I would hate me too if I was the ex. Like, I was the girl after. I don't know. So I was blocked. She went on her account to look at her TikTok. The ex's TikTok. And she had all these videos up of, like, a story time. And I'm like, holy crap. Like, what is this? It was, like, 12 parts long or something crazy.
And we start watching them and I just find out a lot of information, like a lot of information about how this guy was like leading her on still and also leading me on and kind of made me seem like a bad guy. And I'm like, hold on, I need to get in contact with this girl because this is not right. This is not like what I've been told. This is not like I was being led on to, but in like the opposite way. Right. So.
Immediately called the kid I was talking to and I was like we're not hanging out anymore boy like you're done Like I'm not getting myself involved in your mess Especially when it comes down to like my job to like my name is a huge part of my career since Social media is pretty much what I do and I'm like I'm not having my name being dragged down because of your BS, you know, so that was kind of what I led with at that point and I was like we're not taught we're not we're not talking anymore and I
Then I try to reach out to the ex-girlfriend and I can't really get a hold of her at first. She's like, I don't really want to talk to you, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, okay, true. So I send her a voice memo and I'm like, I just think that we need to clear some things up because I'm under a certain impression and you are, whatever. So she's like, okay, FaceTime me. And I don't FaceTime people, guys. This made me crap my pants. I barely FaceTime my best friend. And I call her. We sit there and talk for like 30 minutes.
First time we've ever spoken to each other and we just got all the tea from each other like everything that we needed to know I realized that I was being kept in the dark. She was being kept in the dark and honestly, we just discovered a lot of things and basically realized that men are trash and There's a lot of people out there that you need to look out for and there's a lot of signs that you need to look out for to know if someone's messing with you and messing with your heart and messing with just everything and
It was just a huge lesson learned. And it made me really realize that in a lot of situations, the girls are very quick to blame, like, the other girls. And I know that this is something I dealt with a lot in high school. Like, whenever I would be talking to a guy and I found out he got with, like, another girl or something, I would always blame the girl. Like, why would you get with him? Blah, blah, blah. And then I learned guys can be manipulative, too. Like, guys can be the ones doing the wrong and...
I don't know, just a wake up call if anyone is in high school and you're experiencing that. Like I know it's so normal to immediately blame the other girl that's involved and obviously in certain situations that is something to be worried about because there are also shady girls. There's just shady people in general. This little situation that I got myself into before I get into answering the questions taught me to just be super aware and super careful of what I'm getting myself into and
I have a very good relationship with myself. Like, I do believe that I love myself a lot. I'm confident in who... In... With who I am. But... I was still really embracing, like, all of the validation that this boy was giving me. Like, he was...
sending me flowers, always hyping me up, like making me feel really beautiful, pretty, and special. And honestly, like I haven't really talked to a guy in a while who has made me feel like that. And I saw that at first as a green flag. And I think in certain situations, it is a green flag. Like there are very, very different case scenarios for everyone. But
If you are finding yourself in something where someone is immediately, like, love-bombing you, and that doesn't necessarily mean they're telling you they love you. It could. It means just maybe doing too much too soon to try to, like, win you over.
And it's something to definitely be aware of because I learned very quickly that that was not only something he was doing for me, but also something that he was doing for other people. Because later, as me and his ex-girlfriend got closer and closer, we found out a lot more information about another girl that he was sending the same messages to, calling them the same things. And obviously that doesn't feel good.
It just taught me how to look out for stuff like that. Like I will be extra aware if I'm getting flowers sent to my door every week when we've barely been talking for a month, you know, or haven't even been talking for a month.
So on that note, that was my little boy dilemma that I just recently went through. And I really just kind of wanted to do that story time because my DMs were so flooded about it. And it's not something I necessarily want to bring to social media. But the podcast is definitely a more personal place where I talk to you guys. So I don't see any harm in doing so. And no names have been dropped. So that's that. You're welcome to make your assumptions. And again, I'm not trying to shade anyone.
the person that this involved because I know that people who do that honestly just have a lot of work to do with themselves and are struggling with their own self-love and they pour it into other people to try to fill that space and honestly it's just something that people need time to heal from and to grow from and to figure out so
Given him the benefit of the doubt here. Like, I just know that it's something I had to take myself out of and escape the situation. And I'm not someone who is going to wait around for someone else to get their crap together. You know, like you don't, that's not your responsibility. It is their responsibility. So that's kind of where all that is at. Like, I still think this kid is a good kid. I think he has good intentions and he has a good heart. He just doesn't exactly know how to handle things.
his heart or his love because he just wants to give it to so many people and hope that eventually one of them will be able to give it all back. But what he needs to do is give all that love to himself. Anyways...
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Moving on I want to get into all these questions and just kind of just kind of answer them I screenshotted all of them on my phone and I'm realizing now that my phone might die But we're gonna do we're gonna do what we can and remember this is just my personal opinion a lot of these ideas or like Situations may not resonate with you. But here's my hot take on boys. Like here's how I feel Right when I read these questions so the first one was
I think that this person thought, like I was asking, like having a boy on the podcast to ask this question to, but it was like, what are the biggest characteristics you look for in a girl? So if I were a dude and I were answering that, well, that's not how I'm going to answer it. Basically, what I'm just going to say to this question is that you should never, ever try to change a certain characteristic for a boy, for a girl, for anyone for that matter, like you, right?
simply should work on being the truest version of yourself and when you do that you will attract the right person to you and it's a lot easier said than done and I remember especially in high school and even at the beginning of college like my my take on boys was a lot different like I kind of saw it as something like oh
to make myself better so that this boy likes me and kind of where I'm at with it now is it's like if I'm working on myself or I'm trying to make myself better it's simply for me it's to find the ultimate version of myself that will eventually attract the right person towards me and I hope that makes sense but that's kind of how I feel about that never change certain things about yourself for a man like or for anyone for that matter
And the next one is I'm just going to scroll through all of them and some of them might be similar. So we'll, we'll see as we go. I didn't make an outline for this episode or anything. I'm just kind of rambling. This one is how do I make it obvious that I like him? This one's hard for me because I've never really been able to do that. I am very, very bad at showing my like love and emotion towards someone, especially when it's something that's like early on. Um,
Just try to like be myself and I feel like when I am myself if I do like you it comes through very clearly but if I could give actual good advice on this to you and to myself it would be to actually communicate and actually be open about how you feel and like what you might be looking for and just make sure you're very clear with it because you can't expect what you don't clearly communicate and obviously
especially when you first start talking to someone, you've got to know that they probably have a roster too. And I don't mean for that to sound bad, but think about yourself. A lot of times when you start talking to a guy, sometimes you've still got other guys who you could hit up if you really wanted to. I think that's a pretty common thing. So if you're not clearly communicating to him that you're interested, chances are he's probably going to keep his options open. And if you do that and he doesn't give you the response that you want, then...
Okay, that's your sign to get back to working on yourself and that that's the one that's that's not the one that's meant for you and you can leave it at that and you can move on and you can grow and be better for yourself. But I would say on that one just clearly communicate like if you like someone tell them you like them and I'm giving myself all of that same advice because I need it. The next one is what's a good good first date idea. This one I literally can't answer. I don't go on dates. I even when I dated my ex-boyfriend like we just kind of
knew each other from like going to yoga together so we never really went on dates at the start but then once we dated we would try to do like a date night every week or so but we would just go out to dinner i don't know about this one someone dm me with good first date ideas because eventually i need to learn how to go on a first date i'm 21 and literally never really been on one so the next one is why are they just so hard to talk to honestly
I think that the male brain, not I think, I actually know this, isn't fully developed until the man is 25. So they tend to be a little bit more immature. And I don't mean, I don't even mean that in a bad way. Like it's just a fact. They are a little bit slower to develop their mind. So you got to give them the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes you got to train them. You got to teach them how to talk about what you want to talk about. And if they aren't like,
I don't know how to make this sound nice, but if you feel like they aren't emotionally intelligent enough for you, then it's time to find the next one. Like there are going to be guys who are still just going to be focused on like gross things. Like they really don't care to make someone feel loved and special and they just want what they want. And there are a lot of guys like that. So if you feel like you're dealing with a situation like that, run, literally run. The next one.
How do you make the first move to hang out with someone you've never met in real life? I've had a couple situations like this where guys I've talked to, yeah, maybe once or twice this has happened to me. I've known them from social media or we've just known each other online but we hadn't hung out in person. And honestly, I usually let them do the asking.
I would just like hint it like oh like I'm doing this whatever or like joke around and be like hey you should come do this with me one day like I don't know that would just be my idea I'm like I'm not good at this remember not the date I'm not the date girl next one is why are they so complicated this kind of goes back to the fact that it takes them a little bit longer to develop their brain guys are kind of slow they are gonna get there when they get there and honestly
I think there's more questions about this, but I'm just going to get into it now. Guys have a very hard time talking about their emotions or talking about how they really feel or being vulnerable because of the way that they were conditioned as they grew up. I mean, same way that girls grew up being like girly girls and crying all the time, like all that stuff. Guys grew up being told they couldn't cry or it was a sign of weakness if they cried and...
honestly, they take that to heart and a lot of guys that I know like Manly men like they're the same with like they still they won't cry like they won't let themselves feel emotion like if they're they're hurting I'll just go work out extra hard or go drink a lot because they feel like it's wrong and it's weak if they do allow themselves to feel emotion which I think is a huge part of what makes them so complicated is because
just like negative emotion, they'll just let it build up and release it a different way. They do the same thing with like love and good emotion. Like I think that they run from it or they stuff it down and they don't know how to talk about what they're feeling. Like it's a very common thing in guys. Like they literally don't know how to talk about feelings. So you just got to give them time. You got to kind of
Make sure if you are with someone and you do know that they're like the person that you want to be with, but they have a hard time opening up and being vulnerable, make them feel safe. Like the same way that you would want someone to make you feel safe and like you could talk about anything. Make sure you give back that same energy. Like a lot of this stuff. Yes, a lot of guys are garbage. A lot of guys are trash. Trust me. I know like literally men can be very bad people.
It all goes both ways. There's like women that suck too. There's women that can be very, very bad and also play guys and mess with their feelings. But totally don't even know where I was going with that. I just started staring and I got sidetracked. So I'm just going to move on to the next question. If whatever I was talking about comes back to my head, then it comes back to my head. Next one is how to know your worth. Okay, so this one is seriously something that's so important.
Knowing your worth means not really putting up with people's BS. If they make it clear to you that they don't really want anything to do with you. A lot of times I've seen TikToks about how that actually makes someone like more attracted. Like girls are like, oh, I love douchebag guys. Like that is the epitome of not knowing your worth.
You deserve to be treated like a queen and you deserve to be responded to and you deserve to be talked to and you deserve to be the only one that the guy is talking to if that's kind of where you guys are at. And you just have to be hyper aware of how you're being treated and you have to understand that you are a very valuable person and that you bring a lot of value to a relationship and that you are beautiful and that you are worthy and just...
Stick with the constant affirmations and the reminders because once you start doing that, you'll start loving yourself. And once you start loving yourself, you'll understand how much value you hold and how much you deserve and how you deserve to be treated. If that makes sense. And the next one is...
What does it mean if he's inconsistent with his feelings for you? It means run. It means that boy probably still has a lot of inner work to do for himself and he can't make up his mind. So you're not going to wait around and let him make up his mind. You're going to go do your own thing and become the best version of yourself. And if he ever does decide to man up and
proves to you that you're the only one that he wants and put the work in, that's a different story. And you can evaluate that then. But if he's being inconsistent with you now, you're not going to wait around. You are going to go do your own thing, have your hot girl summer, and go live it up until he wants to be a man. That's a big one. Inconsistency with feelings. I also get it though because I've been in situations where I'm kind of talking to someone and
really can't make up my mind. Like, I don't know if I'm ready to be with that person. And what I should have done like in those situations was just stop leading that person on, even though it was never really intentional. I literally just didn't know what I wanted. And that should have been a sign enough for me that I wasn't ready clearly and to, to wait and to feel it out for myself, but without leading this person on and without saying or without
Okay, anyways, I'm just going to move on. The next one is how do you get over a boy who has no interest in you or has a girlfriend? If he has a girlfriend, something that helps me in those situations is reminding myself that he has a girlfriend. That's just, it's girl code. You don't really mess with a relationship or anything like that for that matter just because you're going to get yourself hurt and you're going to hurt someone else and it's just wrong. But if he has no interest in you,
You don't need that. He's not the one for you. There is someone out there who is literally made for you. And I do believe that. I believe in soulmates. And I believe right person, right time. Like, I believe in all of that stuff. And that's something I think that helps me stay so patient when it comes to men in general and, like, relationships in general. Like, when something falls through or doesn't work out for me or I have a situation like I just did with this whole mess –
I just simply tell myself, okay, well that wasn't my soulmate, that wasn't meant to be. I'm not going to sit here and be upset over it because it's out of my control and now it's in the past and I can't wait to see who else I'm going to love and know in the future, you know? It's just look at it as room for opportunity, you know? Moving on, how to know if they're right for you. I really do think that if you find the person that's right for you, you're going to know and you're going to feel it and you're not going to question it so much because
I haven't quite gotten there, so I'll let you know when that happens, if that's how it works. But I really do believe that. I've met a lot of people in very healthy relationships, and they just knew. They're like, this person's right for me, and their relationship is... I'm not going to say easy and seamless, because every relationship does need work. But one of those things where, if they do have an issue, they're able to healthily...
Handle it and get through it and move through it together. It's not one-sided. It's 50/50 and both people are all in on this relationship, you know?
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So, the next one, this one's just funny and I really just feel like I have to answer it because I still get DMs about this and if you know, you know. If you don't, this won't make any sense to you. But this one says, was it truckie that you and Mare were both simping over? The answer is no. The answer is absolutely not. But, moving on. This next one is, how do you not rely on male validation?
You simply don't. And by that I mean you start saying your own affirmations. You start validating yourself. You start writing down the things you love about yourself. You start appreciating yourself. And...
Just recognizing how valuable you are and how worthy you are and then suddenly you realize that anyone else's opinion doesn't matter and honestly, I know this is male validation, but honestly this could just be something to take note of on all validation. Like once you love yourself hard enough, you're able to stop paying attention to what anyone else has to say about you because you recognize that
When someone has something negative to say, it's usually just projection. It's usually just people hurting on their own and they don't know how to handle it so they take it out on other people. And yeah, I don't know. Just recognize your own self-worth and begin to love yourself and then eventually you don't care so much what any man has to say about you or think about you because if he doesn't like you for you, then clearly that's not your person. You're not going to go out of your way to
to change who you are for this man because I can promise you that's not gonna work out long term. No shot. Because then you're losing yourself in the process, you know? Okay. How do you know when they like you romantically? Hopefully they're clear. Hopefully they're very clear about how they feel about you and if they're not...
then I promise you they're just not ready yet, most likely. Like there's a solid chance they're just not ready for a relationship if they can't clearly express to you the way that they feel about you, you know? I've been saying you know a lot. I'm going to try to stop doing that. Okay, the next one is why do they always seem to never care at all or care way too much and become overbearing? Because they're men. Because they're human. Because we all have these tendencies to never really know
What to give or how to give it or like how much to give and that's where you need to communicate and you need to ask questions and kind of feel things out and if they can't answer the questions in the way that they that you would like them and in a way that makes you feel like understood or like you've gotten your point across.
That's another sign to just run. And as far as the overbearing, if someone cares way too much about what you're doing or where you're going or who you're spending time with early on in anything, that is a huge red flag. And one thing I've learned in the past two weeks is
Don't avoid a red flag. Don't run for a red flag. Don't try to convince yourself that it's a green flag because you know deep down that it's a red flag. And if your friends are telling you it's a red flag or your parents or someone is trying to tell you that that is a bad sign, I'm not saying run from it immediately, but I am saying definitely keep your guard up and be hyper aware of what you're getting yourself into. So huge takeaway I've taken from all of this. Definitely, definitely, definitely,
Keep yourself aware and keep your guard up until you really do feel safe and comfortable in whatever it is you're getting yourself into. Next one is what to do about a boy who likes you/loves you but says he doesn't want to date. I think that in situations like that you need to give him his space. You need to let him really figure it out and let him make up a decision. Don't let him lead you on and string you along while he's doing whatever it is he wants with other people because he's not ready for a relationship.
You need to know your worth enough to understand that if someone says that they love you, then you should be the only one that they're talking to. And it's really that simple. So if you know that he's still talking to other girls, but he's still telling you he feels this way about you, he probably like doesn't, he probably isn't only saying that to you, unfortunately.
The next one, what to do if the boy you've really liked for a while starts dating someone. It's another sign for you that you're not meant to be together and it's a chance for you to go work on yourself and to go have your hot girl summer and to meet more people who you are going to love in this lifetime because you meet the best people when it's unexpected and I will always believe that. Okay, next up is why are they so stupid? Honestly, I wish I knew. I literally wish I knew. Moving on.
Is it normal for guys to have deep and meaningful conversations with you if you aren't a thing and he doesn't like you? Honestly, I've noticed any time that I've had really deep and meaningful conversations with a guy, he has kind of liked me and I have kind of liked him and there's always been some underlying tension there. That being said, I do believe that there are people who are just like deep and meaningful and can just have a conversation like that without there being any feelings attached but
honestly you gotta just feel out the conversation like if it's a deep and meaningful conversation about i don't know relationships or love or anything like that or the future there maybe is some tension there and maybe you do have feelings for each other but if it's about like random stuff like i don't know aliens then i don't know i don't know i keep losing my train of thought today kind of all over the place it was a long weekend but i'm gonna do a couple more
And then I'm going to go. Just because I feel like I'm being very repetitive. And I don't really want to do that. What to do about getting used by a boy? Have a hot girl summer. Dude, I feel that one. Not getting used, but like getting played. It's just, again, you're assigned to go literally have the best summer ever and become the best version of yourself. And honestly...
Just use it as motivation. Like, put on a hot girl playlist. Like, play all your favorite songs and go to the gym. Break a sweat. Like, start meditating. Start saying your affirmations. Start journaling. Just use it as, like, a little push to be who you want to be, you know? Instead of waiting around for someone who honestly does not deserve you at all, you know? This one is, is it weird that I've never been in a relationship?
I personally don't think so at all. I only got myself into a relationship because I did think it was weird that I hadn't been in a relationship when I was 20 and or 19, however old I was. And it wasn't, it wasn't real. Like not that my relationship wasn't real, but I look back on it now and I'm like, I could have, I would probably would have been fine without it. Like I learned a lot of lessons and I have a lot of great memories, but
Moral of the story is no. I think that when you find the right person, then that's when you'll get in a relationship. But if you're only getting into a relationship just to get in one, it's not going to end well. It's not going to end the way that you want. And it's not going to be real true love in my personal opinion. But that's that. The next one is how to not be jealous. They're having fun without you there.
You just have to recognize that when you go out with your friends, you're having fun. So why should the person that you're talking to or the person that you're with not be able to do the same with their friends? Jealousy is really just our insecurity showing.
I don't know. Jealousy is a tough thing, but it's really just becoming aware that it's an insecurity thing and it helps take away a lot of those jealous feelings. And I will, I will stand by that because I've noticed that the more secure I've gotten with myself, the less I feel the need to compare like other stuff. Someone just knocked on my door, so I'm going to go. Hold on. Okay. I can't even make this stuff up. So the internet guy is here to fix my wifi and my internet. So I'm going to have to go, but
That's my boy advice. Honestly, I think I could have done way better and I could have given so much more boy advice, but I don't know. That's where my brain's at. So I might as well just be realistic with you guys. That's how I feel right now. Right now, I am very much focused on working on myself and taking care of myself. And I'm just, that's it. Like, that's it. When I'm ready to open my heart again, I'll get it. Or when it comes unexpectedly, it'll come unexpectedly. But for now...
It's a hot girl summer. Not popular. Anyways, I'm going to go play my playlist and maybe do some journaling. But I think we should all do the same. Honestly, the way I see it is never pursue a man. Let them pursue you. And when it's the right person, it'll be right. And it won't be complicated. And you won't get done dirty. And you won't get beat. You won't get played. And it'll just work. So...
All right. I love you guys. You are the best. We'll talk soon. We'll talk next Monday. Hopefully my mind will be a little bit more calm and collected. Peace out.