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LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. Hello, my beautiful people, and welcome back to the Moments Podcast. Today is a really good day for a bunch of different reasons, and I'm going to go ahead and fill you in on all of them. And I love when I'm having a good day and I record because...
Then I have so many more things to talk about. So it's a great day because today is Spotify wrapped, which means I got to be reminded that I am the most basic music listener of all time. My top five people were Taylor Swift, Harry Styles, Olivia Rodrigo, Drake, and Rex Orange County. Well, we don't mess with Rex Orange County anymore.
But I'm like, does it really get more basic than that? I think I'm all special and unique listening to like underground music once a month and think it's going to be show up on my Spotify. No, I listened to Taylor Swift for multiple days in total. I just think that's funny. But the reason I love Spotify rap day is because also I get to see all the stats on this podcast. And it was really emotional for me to look at because last year got Spotify rap for moments too. But I had started the podcast in October. So it only tracked...
Three episodes because it stops counting October 31st. And so many people last year sent me their screenshots of what their analytics or whatever were. And Moments was like their top podcast. And I was like, that is the craziest thing ever. And then nervous is the wrong word, but...
This whole year, I personally noticed that a lot of people started podcasts. It became a lot more popular than it was when I think that I first started Moments. So I was nervous. I was like, oh, it only did good last year because there weren't that many podcasts to listen to. And then this year, again, I got so many DMs saying it was people's number one podcast and just all these things. I was like, holy crap.
This is so cool. And I was comparing the statistics from last year to this year, and it was just crazy how many more people we were able to reach in 2022. And I was like, wow, I have that many best friends. Like, this is the craziest thing ever. And seeing that all just kind of reminded me why I love this podcast so much. I mean, it's been over a year now, which doesn't even make sense to me. I don't know if you guys listening feel like it's been over a year, but we have been best friends talking about all sorts of things for years.
a crazy amount of time. And I think that the total amount of content I produced or something, first of all, it stopped counting in October, so we don't even have all of November's episodes put in there. But,
It was like 1,500, 1,600, a lot of minutes of content this year. And I was like, holy crap, that's like days worth of talking. Anyways, I am so grateful that you guys are here to listen. And I'm not going to talk your ear off about how grateful I am. I know that we had a gratitude episode last week. It's just very full circle for me. And I couldn't do any of this without you. And...
I know I say it always, but moments is going to go to the next level and it's going to continue to grow and blossom. And all I can ever wish is that we continue to get this out to more people to just feel better and just remind people that it's all okay. Everything we feel is okay. And sometimes our brains don't work and sometimes we feel like shit. And sometimes we are just struggling to get through life. And that's normal because in this day and age, we're all feeling it.
Another stat that was the coolest thing to read was globally. I don't know if I'm going to word this right. Globally, Moments was in the top 1% of shared podcasts, which is just wild. Like you guys are all sending this to your friends and stuff. And I'm like, holy crap, that's so cool. Which I love though. That's why I said that statement before. Like I just want everyone to be able to feel okay. So if you're ever listening to an episode and –
you think of your friend immediately. Like say I had a friend who's struggling really bad with like self-love and body image and I happen to be listening to a podcast on self-love and body image. I would send her that link and be like, hey, I know you have a lot going on. I know you're busy, but I think you might enjoy this or be able to take away something cool from this. You should give it a listen. Like that, I think that that's how we all make each other feel a little bit less alone and a little bit more heard. So if you want to do that, please do that. It's awesome. Like I'm so excited for the future of this podcast and I am so excited for today's episode too.
I randomly made a TikTok the other night that was talking about like some of my biggest red flags and my biggest green flags because obviously we all have different red and green flags, but I just want to share with you guys what to run from, like what to run very, very far away from when it comes to kindling a relationship with a boy or whoever it is. It could be a boy, a girl, anyone. Like whoever you're working on building a relationship with, these are my number one things to avoid and my things to look for in a person.
I wasn't going to make this a podcast episode or anything. But then the comments on the TikTok were like, oh, you should do an episode on this. Or I was like, oh, I should do an episode on this. And here we are. So I asked on my Instagram story, what are some of your biggest green flags and red flags? And I just wrote them all down in a list. And I kind of want to talk about them. Before I get into that, though, quick little life update, because why the heck not? I got to go relive my college glory days this weekend, which was huge for me because for a really long time,
Backstory even more. You guys probably know this if you've made it this far in the podcast. This is something that's very known about me. I went to FSU my freshman year of college. I went to TCC, which is the community college right next to FSU. Just easier to say FSU. And I was really depressed at one of the lowest points in my life while I was there. I never showed it. I stayed busy, worked five jobs, like always went out, was always having time with my friends. But
I was really homesick and I was crying a lot and I was hurting really bad on the inside and I just didn't really understand how to get out of it. But I ended up moving home, went to school at home, now obviously not in school. But I had a really hard time going back to FSU, like going back to the place that hurt me. It's kind of just like it was hard for me to go back to Hawaii for a while because I know that I hurt there and for some reason I just have this negative attachment to it and I
It was always tough because with FSU, like, Lissette still went there. A lot of my friends went there. So many people loved it. And it was so hard for me and especially hard for me to explain to people because I would be like, no, I don't want to go to FSU. Like, I hate it there. It wasn't like, oh, I hate it there. Like, I'm too good for it. It was like, I hate it there because I am traumatized a little bit and I don't ever want to feel the feelings that I felt there ever again. And that can be something that's really hard to explain to people. But...
It was so cool for me to be able to go back there this time and have the time of my life. And not for a second did I sit there and be like, ugh, like feel any sort of anxiety, any sort of overwhelmed or stressed or just like PTSD. Like I just felt okay. And I did go there in a different setting. Like I went with my family. We literally spent Thanksgiving there and we did. We had, it was kind of a Friendsgiving. Like we skipped our traditional family Thanksgiving to go do this and it was a blast. And yeah,
I had a different experience than usual because we didn't really go out to all the places. Anyways, it felt good to go. And I was like, okay, that's another full circle moment in my life. And I just wanted to share that with you because we're all going to have different places like that in our life. There's going to be places that you go that...
You've hurt there before. And sometimes it's not even places. Sometimes it's people. Like, going back to people that hurt you in the past and finally being able to forgive them and noticing that they've truly changed is another thing that's really cool. But especially with places, whether it's especially with holiday season coming around, like your hometown or different places you went during high school or people you hung out with during high school or...
Going back to your college. Like all these things, I just want to remind you that with time, everything is going to heal. And sometimes it just takes a really long time for it to happen. And while you're at the point where it hasn't happened yet, I know how hard it can feel. And I know that it's like this gut-wrenching pain that no one understands unless they've felt it. And I'm just going to tell you that it's going to be okay. And we're not going to get all the way into this because I really could talk about it for hours and hours and hours. We'll save that for another episode. Um...
Another thing, if I met you at, when we went to the strip, it was the funniest thing. We went Christmas tree shopping. Like we cut to a Christmas tree farm, all, there was like 10 of us, okay? All wearing matching pajamas. And then we went out to eat after, all in the matching pajamas. And then we decided it would be fun to go out, like to take my little brothers out and to...
Like, just go out on the town on a Saturday night. You know, all you can drink at the Strip during one of the busiest weekends in Tallahassee. We thought it would be a great idea to all wear matching pajamas. And that was one of those moments for me where I really had to remind myself that it's only embarrassing if I say it's embarrassing. It was humbling. We were all just walking around. I was in cowboy boots. I also felt so busted. Like, I had just been eating and drinking for five days straight.
Not eating, but like eating a bunch of junk, which whatever usually doesn't bother me. But when I felt a little gross, okay, I'm human. And it was it was so fun. But I met so many of the coolest people ever. And like a couple of the girls that I met had on the same necklace as me. And I was like, Oh my god, we got it because of you. And I'm like, that is the coolest thing. So full circle, lots of full circle moments that have happened in my life lately. And
Yeah, I'm just so excited that I got to meet you guys. I get so emotional, especially when I start drinking and I meet people out and they tell me that they listen to the podcast or that I've been able to help them through something with their mental health or when it comes to eating or eating disorders, stuff like that. When you tell me that I have had an impact in your life and been able to help you through things like that, I just want to sit there and bawl my eyes out. But I don't even know how to react. So I just sit there and I'm like, are you serious? Like, I don't even know what to say because it's crazy when that happens. I'm like,
This is when social media is a beautiful thing. I know that I hate on it a lot and we all hate on it because it's a really toxic world. But when things like that happen, I'm like, this is really beautiful. That is really magical that like just this one little app was able to bring all of us together. And now we have this community of all of us just working on feeling a little bit better. Moving on. I love you guys with my whole heart. And it was so fun to run into you, especially all in matching pajamas. There's so many pictures that exist in the world now of me in pajamas.
I don't want to think about it. We're moving on. Okay. Also, last life update. I can't believe I've been talking 10 minutes before I've even gotten into my red flags and green flags. Last life update is that I have been an emotional little baby. I think that something is seriously wrong. This is like TMI. Not that a dude would be listening to it, but if you are, like...
I mean, I guess it doesn't matter. My period has been so weird lately. I need to go to the freaking gynecologist or something. It's my biggest fear. I'm just absolutely terrified to go, but I am 21 now and I know that I need to and I know that it's important. Please reassure me if you've been. Tell me it's not the scariest thing. But I get my period like every two weeks and it only lasts for a day, which is so strange. But then all my symptoms, like my emotions are all out of whack. I think that I just need to work on balancing my hormones more.
But I've just been having this fear lately. I'm like, what if something's really wrong with me? And I'm just never going to find out because I'm too scared to go to the guy now. Moving on. Just wanted to tell you guys I've been kind of an up and down emotional wreck. Sorry, I was taking a sip of my drink, but it didn't want to work. I've been an emotional wreck up and down all over the place. And I've been letting small situations impact me so much. And I've been overthinking things that I normally wouldn't overthink at all. But...
That situation has diminished a little bit. I figured that out. I was just having, oh, you know when? No, we're not getting into this right now. This episode of the Moments podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp.
Quick little intermission, you guys. We all know how important it is to prioritize the right things in our life. And maybe for you, that's prioritizing doing leg day at the gym or making sure you go for your hot girl walk. But how often are you prioritizing your mental health and making sure that therapy is a part of your weekly routine? If it's something that you've been open to, if it's something that you've been considering, I highly recommend BetterHelp. And thank you so much to BetterHelp for sponsoring this episode. And I'll see you in the next one.
I absolutely love BetterHelp. I love therapy. I have talked about it over and over and over again. And that is for a reason. It is the greatest thing ever. Having an outlet and a person to talk to about what you're going through and getting unbiased opinions and advice is so, so beneficial.
So if you're thinking about starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. You just have to fill out a brief questionnaire and you'll get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash moments today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash moments.
Quick little intermission. You guys know how much I love Thrive Cosmetics. I really don't even need to explain it to you because those of you who know me know me, know I've been using their liquid lash extensions mascara for the past three years of my life, and I use it religiously. Even if I'm getting my makeup done, I bring it with me. Not only are their products high performance, but they also give back to the community. And...
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Know our red flags like a lot of these red flags I didn't really understand were red flags until they were until it was too late until until I was way too deep in and I ended up getting hurt or really upset I don't know if I should start with the red flags or green flags or should we go like one at a time? Let's do red flags first because green flags vary I think a little bit more for everyone red flags are very you know, they're a little more generalized my first red flag
think it's a huge red flag when someone doesn't have a good relationship with their family and obviously we all have different situations and there's family situations that are just very very very different when i say about a relationship with their family i mean that they choose not to have a healthy relationship with their parents with their siblings if it's their parents choosing or their siblings choosing and they've done everything that they can to have this healthy relationship
and want to be close to their family, I think that that's a whole different story. But I think that people who purposely run from like family connection when they're
They actually have like a good kind decent family. I think that that's a huge red flag and maybe that's also because I am such a family driven person like I do everything with my family. I travel with my family. I want to be around my family and the person that I marry or I am with in the future. I want that person to to have a family that I can surround myself with like I want our families to be friends, but
That one's, that's not like, that's not a deal breaker. That's a red flag because obviously there's so many different variabilities on that one that it just depends. Moving on. This is a huge one for me. And Lissette too. I wanted to record this episode with Lissette actually because we just both have so many stories about different red flags. This one is small lies.
Like in the beginning, if you are starting to talk to someone and they like to enhance their stories, but like a lot, and they tell little white lies, and if you're catching on to them in the beginning, just know that the little white lies are the least of your worries. Like within those little white lies, they're probably making up so many different lies about their life because usually someone who does that
Turns out to be like a pathological liar. And I had a problem. Not a problem. I had a situation. Multiple pathological liars, actually. One of them was Lissette's situation. She dated this guy who literally lied about being on a soccer team and lied about what happened to his parents and we're pretty sure he lied about his birthday too.
lied about pretty much every single thing that he ever told her and I mean I to be fair not to say I told you so but I told the set from the beginning that this guy was a red flag and she shouldn't go for it she did it anyways he was terrible like I don't know how the set went through that I would be traumatized he was like verbally the worst person ever and I'll get into more of the things he did towards the end but obviously it's also not my relationship story to tell so I probably won't get into it again I have my own trauma that I can dump on you guys
He was garbage, though. And a time that I dealt with a pathological liar, you guys were probably around for that. I've talked about it a little bit on the podcast, but if you know, you know. If not, we're not getting into it. I just dealt with this guy who loved to over-exaggerate his stories, and things just didn't add up whatsoever. But I'm naive. I trust very easily. So...
I kind of just let it slide. And if you're someone like that too, please take it from me. Don't let it slide. Okay. Thankfully I got myself out of that relationship before it ever got bad or serious because like literally thank the Lord that I did. I am going to move on, but I'll get into more about that little relationship story as we move on. The next one is cocky. Um, this kind of goes on in line with the over-exaggerating thing.
There's a difference between confidence and cocky. I think it's attractive. If a man is confident in who he is and like knows what he wants to do and is confident in pursuing you, that's confidence. Respect that. I support that. And I love that.
Cockiness is someone who really, really, really loves to talk about what they have. Whether it's their money, whether it's materialistic things, whether it's what they look like, whether it's how often they work out or how good they look or how much... I don't know. Anything that you notice they're talking about over and over and over and over again, usually a red flag.
Usually. I think that like cockiness and confidence line can be a little bit blurry sometimes, but as soon as it feels off, it's a red flag. Not always a deal breaker. In a lot of cases, yes, but it's a huge red flag and you should definitely be aware of it. Moving on to the next one. This is the biggest one for me. I didn't know a thing about love bombing at all because I always told myself, well, let me explain to you what love bombing is at first. Love bombing is basically someone making you feel loved basically from the second that you guys first meet.
Making you feel taken care of and special and filling you with empty promises like making these bold statements We're gonna get married in Greece Two weeks into the relationship or the situate whatever you want to call it. That's love bombing Sending you like small little gifts over and over and over again so that you have this Idea that you're always gonna be given gifts thought that love bombing
I didn't really think it was a thing because in my brain, which is crazy because I am one of the most insecure people ever, I apparently can also be one of the most confident people in the world because I would tell myself like, no, totally makes sense. Of course he loves me already. Like, this is really cool. I feel so loved. No one's ever made me feel so special. No one's ever made me...
actually want to commit to a relationship before and this guy that I was talking to was sending me flowers every week making me feel so special and nothing serious ever ended up happening with him but I really felt like I was the only person in his life and I was like wow is this what it feels like to find
You're soulmate. And it makes me want to cringe and jump off a cliff just thinking about it because, like, obviously I look back now and can see all the red flags. But when you're deep in it, you don't see the red flags. You just see the green flags. And when people can make you feel confident in who you are, it blinds you. Because especially as someone who's insecure, if I was insecure about things and he made those things, he made me feel confident about those things, I was like, oh, wow.
This is really special. Anyways, totally got love-bombed. He turned out to be garbage, was hooking up with, like, many people, and also talking to his ex-girlfriend. This is the one, if you know, you know. Totally got love-bombed, totally fell into the trap, so I want you to avoid it. If someone is giving you all these empty promises and promising you all these grand gestures and...
Making you feel a little bit too good about yourself and again It's a fine line because you want the person that you're with to make you feel good about who you are But not to this extent. I don't know You'll feel it in your gut run Okay, please run and just like keep your guard up a little bit stay alert like thankfully when I was in the situation where I was getting love-bombed I've had my guard up because I had my red flags and
From the start they started to fade away But like thank God I had them up from the start because if I didn't have them up from the start I would have been played like ten times harder than I was actually played But since I had the flags up, I didn't really let my guard down and I didn't really get attached So it was easy for me to be like, oh what the F like I'm out of there Anyways next I lied about love bombing being my biggest one
Because it's actually having a recent ex-girlfriend. I could do a TED Talk on why you should always run from someone who has a recent ex-girlfriend. I will take it to the grave. I don't care how many times you think or how much you think that he's changed and he doesn't love his ex-girlfriend and he wants nothing to do with her. I don't care how much they reassure you.
99.8% of the time, 100% of the time, you are filling a void if there's a recent ex. And maybe it's not just like filling the void of her, but filling the void of someone who's codependent. Like if you find yourself in a relationship with someone who's always in a relationship, like always has different girlfriends, no matter how long they are or not,
I think that you need to evaluate that because one of the boys that I dated, my first, my only boyfriend ever, actually an angel, so sweet, like treated me so well and loved me, but he has never not been in a relationship. Like since the day that I met him, we've been best friends. We were best friends for years before we ever dated. Um,
he was always in a relationship. And I never really noticed that as a red flag. One, because I was like 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, and 19. I was young. But I never really realized that he just always had to have someone by his side. And I don't know. I just think that
It's not even a red flag. It's kind of an orange flag because some people are just people people. But I've never been one to be a relationship person like consistently in a relationship. So I think that's why I'm just so iffy about it. But obviously we're all different. I don't know.
Back to, oh yeah, recent ex-girlfriend though. No, no, no. Please just save yourself. Okay. You don't deserve that pain. There is no pain like comparing yourself to an ex-girlfriend. And I'm going to tell you another story. Uh, this is about a boy that I actually am still in very close contact with and still talk to all the time. Um, and it's one of my best friends. Uh,
in college, I had the biggest, fattest crush on this boy who was a year, a school year younger than me. And I went to college. He was a senior in high school. He had an ex-girlfriend, but like of a while, like they hadn't been together in a few months, I think when we started talking. Um, and at this point I was very naive. I didn't know anything about the fact that like, Oh, maybe he's still attached to his ex-girlfriend. But obviously I had my
had my doubts while I was away. I was like, hmm, I hope he actually likes me and I'd be really hard on myself and I would compare myself to this ex-girlfriend, which first of all, she's beautiful. She's, I still am like, damn, she is, she's got some really, really great genetics and she's beautiful and nice and anyways, we're also in two totally different brackets. Like, I have long dark hair, she's got blonde short hair. We're very different and I'm like six inches taller than her. Actually, I have no idea how tall she is. Anyways, I'm
We're in two different brackets. And I would sit there and compare myself. Not brackets. That sounds terrible. But like, we're not the same type, if that makes sense. And I would sit there and compare myself to someone that looks nothing like me and try to change myself to be more like her. And then it wasn't until years after that I realized, I'm like, okay, well, no, like, I am an individual. I am the way that I am for a reason. And I can't sit here and compare myself to someone who
isn't even remotely close to what I look like if that makes if that's making any sense and I spent so much of my time comparing myself to her wanting to be more like her and just Spending every waking moment being like well, I guess I'm just not good enough I'm never gonna be as pretty as her or as cool as her or have as good of a connection with him as she does and
I don't know. I just... I remember that feeling so well in... When I got... Oh! I didn't even get to the point of the story. He ended up ghosting me. And I found out months later that... And we talked every day. Like, I fully thought I was talking to this kid. And also... Mind you, like I said earlier... In college, I was depressed. My freshman year. So, like, having someone...
That I was always talking to. Was like. Really. I don't know. I. What's the word I'm looking for? I was kind of codependent. To him. Like just like. Always having someone to talk to. Always feeling like.
Had someone there who like liked me and I got all of my validation from him and it was horrible Okay, I was working on my mental health. They didn't understand that I needed to love myself first I only thought that I needed to be I thought that the only way that I was going to be loved was if someone from the outside gave me validation and Looking back on all these things. It is crazy How far that my mindset has come like obviously I still struggle with some of this stuff But in a much different way find out after he goes to me that
He ghosted me because he still liked his ex-girlfriend and honestly, I'm like respect at least you didn't lead us both on But it hurt like really really so horribly uh for someone who is so sensitive and insecure at the time and didn't really understand why like didn't understand where I went wrong and That traumatized me for a little while like I just felt like I was really obnoxious and really annoying and no one was ever gonna want to date me um
So never, ever go for someone with a recent ex-girlfriend. And that is why. Because you're going to break your own heart. And it's not fair to you. Give it time. Like, if it's the right person and they have a recent ex, I promise you, putting, like, a timeline on it and making sure it's the right decision for you and making sure that he's over her, like, it's still going to work out if it's the right person. And if it doesn't work out, I pinky promise you, it wasn't the right person. Okay?
Moving on. Just kind of trauma dumped on you. College freshman year was a tough one for me. Really, like, really hard to talk about still. Okay. Next one. Closed-minded. For this one...
I go straight to politics because, and again, this is my own political opinion. I am not here, like, disrespecting anyone else's views. I am all for democracy. Like, I'm not going to disrespect you if you have a different view than me. But I am Democrat. I personally don't see myself building a truly democratic,
healthy loving relationship with someone who has different values than I do just because to my core I feel very strongly about left side views um not based on the who the politician is or anything like that just in general my views are left I'm very liberal and I don't see myself marrying spending the rest of my life with someone who has a complete opposite views as me
So I say closed-minded because if someone's willing to kind of meet me in the middle where we can learn from each other, maybe. But if they're closed-minded and they have no desire to at least hear opinions from the other side or why I feel the way that I feel, it's a no-go for me. It's a big red flag. I'm running far from that because...
Politics is the first thing I think about it, but then I think closed-minded in every aspect. I don't want someone who's not willing to open their mind to the things that I'm passionate about. Say I listen to this song, and I really, really love it, but it's not a genre that the person I'm with likes, and they're like, I'm not going to listen to it. I hate that stuff. But I'm really passionate about it, and I really care about it. And they can't open their mind to just try to enjoy something that I enjoy. Sorry. No. I'm out. Moving on.
This podcast is supported by FX's English Teacher, a new comedy from executive producers of What We Do in the Shadows and Baskets. English Teacher follows Evan, a teacher in Austin, Texas, who learns if it's really possible to be your full self at your job, while often finding himself at the intersection of the personal, professional, and political aspects of working at a high school. FX's English Teacher premieres September 2nd on FX. Stream on Hulu.
Wow, this is going to be a long episode now that I think about it. I'm going to try to go through some of the next ones fast. Talks poorly of any females. I... God, I can go on and on and on about this one. Maybe this is just going to be a red flags episode and next week can be green flags episode. Because...
Hear me out, dude. I spent a lot of time. I'm not going to throw names out here or anything. I spent a lot of time in Hawaii, built a huge friend group out in Hawaii, have met tons of different people while I was there. But some of the people that we were surrounding ourselves with when we were first out there were like these guys and...
They are total douchebags. I have never surrounded myself with people who talk so poorly about other females ever in my life. And I don't even mind saying it because I made it so loud and clear that I was not going to hang out with them if they spoke about people that way. And number one, I don't really hang out with these people, nor do I talk to them anymore. But I do not respect anyone who cannot respect others, which sounds a little contradicting, I guess. But...
We would be in a room and this guy would sit there and be like, oh, she looks like a shark. Like this is, this is just such a core memory for me. Or like, oh, they eat so much. No wonder they look like, I felt sick to my stomach at some of the things that were said by certain people I've been around in my life. And the worst part about this is that it's so many guys. It is not even just guys. I mean, people in general, but specifically guys, um,
will always pay attention to the way that guys talk about other females to their friends because it tells so much about them and it also Just goes to show you what they're saying about you behind their back behind your back Like what if they're saying this about these beautiful girls? What are they gonna say about you right like it just makes me sick to my stomach and I will always That's not even a red flag. That is a deal-breaker. You say one nasty thing about a female or about a person You're out for me
I clearly feel very passionate about that one because...
I also have trauma attached to that one because I had people say things to me that made me so insecure over and over again. Like comments about what my face shape was like or comments about what I ate or comments about just like all these different things that just made me really or like how much I drank or what I acted like when I was drunk, but not in a funny way, in a way where the joke got carried out for months and months and months and it wasn't funny anymore. And I was fucking, wow, language.
really not okay with myself and really depressed. So please do not stand for people talking badly about others. And I know that it can be hard to do sometimes, but always speak out against it. Like just even if they don't change the way that they act, put it in their head that they're a piece of shit. Like whenever these people that I was with
at this time in my life would say something, I would be like, are you effing serious right now? Like, you're really going to sit there and say that? Like, that's disgusting. And then I would just leave it at that. And half the time they wouldn't change anything about how they acted or what they said. And I was like, okay, you're not a good person. We're moving on. Some people just can't change. Next one for me, this is another like personal one. I don't really mess with guns. I don't mind if you have a gun like to protect yourself and your house or your family. I don't know. I'm just not a huge gun girl. Not a fan of it. So I don't really...
find it to be a green flag if someone has a gun collection, per se. I don't know. Everyone's different. That's one that's just for me. Okay, I'm moving on. Doesn't respect or understand, like, periods and mental health. If someone's not willing to learn about the female body and
why it goes through different things that it does or why you might be crying for no reason one day and why you might be so angry and in a terrible mood for no reason or why you might be wanting someone to just give you a hug and bring you chocolate and give you a heating pad and not try to make you do things that you don't want to do. Like if someone can't educate themselves on that, that's a red flag for me. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have to explain to you that I'm on my period and I want to be respected. Like that should be a given.
You should worship me on my period. I don't know. I've never had to deal with a situation like that because, honestly, I just haven't. Like, I haven't been in a serious relationship where that's been an issue. But, yeah. If I can have a child and, like, I have to go through this every single month, for two days out of the month, just treat me like a queen and let me be a baby and let me be mean a little bit. I don't know. Mental health, too. Like, I...
I think that this one upsets me because guys struggle with mental health too. And if a guy is not willing to understand mental health, it's a clear sign that they're struggling with their own mental health. Like if they call it stupid or whatever they want to call it, or they tell you you're a baby and you need to just get over it, there's this very, very, very strong chance that they're masking their pain with masculinity and that they are hurting deep down on the inside and they don't want to show it. So they won't let anyone else feel it either. Um,
And that's a red flag for me. I think this is a green flag, which I'll get into, is that someone's in touch with their own emotions. That he can understand why you might feel the way that you feel and also makes it clear when he is going through his own mental health stuff. And then that's when it becomes your job or our job to respect what the person's feeling you're going through. Moving on. Doesn't like when you do what you love.
Doesn't respect your passions doesn't believe in you doesn't hype you up red red red flags Okay, you want to think about someone? I'm also the kind of person who I'm a date to marry kind of person which means I'm not gonna Get myself into a serious relationship with someone I couldn't see myself marrying like if I know that I'm not gonna like to be with this person for the long run I'm not even gonna test it out Why would I why would I do that to myself put myself through that pain and heartbreak with someone that? Couldn't be my lifelong partner
Obviously, I'm not sitting there thinking, "Well, if I date this person, I have to marry them." But I like to think about the future. So, if I'm with someone who doesn't support my dreams and my goals and calls me crazy, sorry, deal breaker, you're done, moving on.
rude to other people kind of goes along with what i talked about earlier but this one more in a public setting if they are rude to the waiter the waitress they don't tip well they are just kind of like have an attitude bad road rage these are all things i consider to be red flags oh the next one i wrote down is crazy driver honestly this one is just personal i just get really really nervous in the car and i already hate when i'm not the one driving so if i have to feel nervous about the person that's driving me around i don't know it's a red flag not a deal breaker
Obsessively cursing, not a huge fan of. I curse, so I can't sit here and judge someone that does curse. But if we're throwing F-bombs in every sentence, not into it. Not a deal breaker, but definitely a red flag. Makes comments about how you eat or what you eat, deal breaker, done. I will never, ever, ever speak to a man who comments on what I eat,
And like how it's too much or, oh, like that has a lot of this. You're really going to eat that. You're really going to go back for more. Like, no wonder you're going to gain weight. Like things like that, which again, I have literally dealt with in personal experience from guys. Like I've heard it all from my own friends, people that I trusted. They're like, oh, not anymore because now I don't surround myself with those people anymore. But yeah.
I was depressed when I did. Another reason that if you're going through a lot, just check who you're surrounding yourself with because you never know that like maybe your friends comments are the reason that you feel really really bad about yourself. You know, just some things to think about. Never ever ever be with someone who doesn't make you feel comfortable in your own skin at every stage. Like someone that you are going to spend a lot of your time with needs to make you feel loved
your lowest, at your worst, at your best, at your highest, at every stage. Moving on. Talks about, oh this kind of just goes into what I just said, talks about your body or your looks. Again, just pay attention to what people say to you and how their comments make you feel and then evaluate if it's something that this person is doing on purpose, you run. If it's something that this person doesn't know that they're doing, maybe talk to them about it. Be like, hey, I really don't like when you say that. It makes me really insecure. It makes me really upset.
and if they don't change it then that's on them but at least you tried moving to the next forgets about things that you've already told them dude this one gets me so next level heated because a bunch of people in my life not a bunch of people two of my best friends are like this and it's not
In a way where they like don't listen to what I say. They listen to me talk about 18 million different things. Of course, they're not going to remember every detail of my life. So I think this is more of a pet peeve than a red flag. It's a red flag if the person that you care about and you listen to and you know everything about. If they don't remember things about you that are very important to you, that's when I think it's a red flag. It's a pet peeve when like my friends don't remember small details, right?
But we're all human. I forget things too. But it just makes me so sad. I'm like, I want you to remember that so badly and you just didn't. Like, anyways, that's just me being a drama queen baby. No responsibilities. Like, if you... That's a red flag. If you are talking to someone who doesn't have a job, doesn't want to get a job, this one, I guess... I don't know. I feel like this could be controversial. I'm not trying to stir the pot here. I think that people...
or a person that you're going to be with who doesn't have a desire to work and is okay with spending all of their parents' money, personally, I find that to be a red flag. Obviously, everyone's got different situations. Like, in college, my best friend had really hard classes, so her parents gave her, like, a budget every month. My classes weren't as hard. I really enjoyed making money, so I was working a bunch of jobs. But...
When it comes to someone I'm going to be with, I want someone who also has that same passion to make their own money and work really hard. But that's a personal one. Okay. So I don't know. Like, I just don't, I never really loved the idea of spending my parents' money, especially on things that were like alcohol or club cover. I don't know. Moving on.
Okay, we're going to get into... I'm definitely going to make an episode on just green flags because this is an all red flags episode. One of my biggest red flags is only wants sex. And I don't... It's really hard for me to even say that word. I am such a baby and I am really immature when it comes to talking about things like this because one, I've only ever been with one person and two, I never even really felt comfortable with that person. Like I still consider myself to be...
a virgin in a way. Like, I've really only done that thing a couple of times and this is me getting really personal because I trust you guys and you're my best friends and that's what this podcast is all about and I want you to feel, you know, normal for any of the feelings that you have but yeah, I am terrified of intimacy. It is one of the things that holds me back in...
in so many, not so many aspects of my life, in like the love aspect of my life. Like I run from things that are good for me just because I'm so terrified to be intimate with someone. And I get nervous and I run and I have this anxiety that I can't control. And I'm working on it. So one of these days I'll do a full podcast episode on that. That's just going to be a really vulnerable one. And it's going to make me really nervous to talk about in post, but I'm going to do some research on why we might feel those things. But yeah, that being said,
Sex is also something that is very very very special to me and important to me and I think that it is like a soul tie and a soul connection and I am also someone who believes that my body is a temple and I am never ever going to be with someone who I'm not going to be with like I just don't don't know how to explain it but I don't see myself having sex with someone ever that I'm not dating or at least know that I'm going to date and
And the reason I say all of this is because I have had so many flings or relationships or like little situationships, whatever you want to call them, where they ended simply because I wasn't ready to have sex with someone. And that's so unfortunate. You know, like I sat there and I'm just going to give you a real life example. I was talking to this guy for...
A few months. Everything was great. We slept in the same bed and stuff, but we never slept together because I wasn't ready to do that until I knew that I was going to date this kid. But I also knew that I didn't know if I liked him enough yet to date him, if that makes sense. Neither of us knew if it was worth putting a label on it and making it serious. It turned out it wasn't. But a huge part of the reason I think that things fell through with us is because he wanted to do...
I don't know how to like word this without telling you specifics, but obviously I can't tell you specifics in situations like this. But like this person said something to me about how nothing has happened sexually with us. And I was like, okay, what? First of all,
Second of all, I sent myself into this deep, dark spiral where I blamed myself. I was like, well, maybe he deserved it. Like, maybe I should just like, maybe I owe that to him. And I really had to sit back and be like, dude, what the heck are you saying right now? Like, do you hear yourself? You should never, ever, ever feel like you owe anyone anything. If it is important to you to wait for a certain point to do something serious like that,
then that is, you don't owe anyone an explanation, okay? If it is important to you and you aren't comfortable yet, you don't owe anyone an explanation. And I can't even believe I fell into the misogynistic view that I should feel bad or that I did owe him something. And don't worry, like never, never gave him the thing that I thought I owed him.
Didn't nothing happened because I was like dude absolutely not we ended things there and obviously sometimes I still look back I'm like that was really really messed up. So I have no desire to ever surround myself with a guy like that And then again in high school, this is when this one happened at this point I had never done anything with anyone besides kiss anyone and obviously I also just want to put in here. We are all on different schedules in different paths and if you haven't had sex with anyone yet, I
That's okay. And if you lost your virginity when you were 14, that's okay too. Like we are all meant to be on a different schedule and everything happens for a reason and never compare your sex life to someone else's. I really do want to do a whole episode on this because there's a lot of things I want to talk about.
when it comes to it. But in high school, I got asked on a date by this guy and I never went on dates, but I said yes to this date for some reason. He picks me up at my front door and I was so excited and this was my senior year and we went on this date and it was super fun and he had been in like a long-term relationship before this, but I...
We were also always, like, friends during the relationship because we had costas together. And, like, I don't know. We were always kind of mutual friends. It was never weird. And I never looked at him in a way of, like, romantically or attracted to him. But then a few weeks went by. I don't know. Ends up asking me on this date. I say, okay. I go, great date. A lot of fun. You know, kiss on the beach. Eat pizza. It was cute. And then...
He, I don't even know. We end up going to prom and I didn't go with him because he went with his ex-girlfriend because, I don't know, okay? The more I think about the story, the more I'm like, dude, what was I thinking? He ends up hooking up with his ex-girlfriend and...
I was like, okay, not the vibes. You know, I'm going to let this one go. But for some reason, I didn't let it go. He apologized a million times. I was like, oh, maybe he's changed. Maybe he's different. Maybe he's better. I don't know. I had a little bit of a crush on him and he was sweet and he's always been my friend. So I didn't see the harm in it. And then...
We like hang out again a few times, kiss a little more, whatever. And I was actually house sitting. So I invited him to sleep at the house that I was. I hope my parents don't listen to this. Like, I don't know. This is just so extra for me to share. But he sleeps over a couple of times and it's like the second time he's sleeping over and nothing happens again because I'm like, I'm not dating this kid. We've gone on like three dates, whatever. And he's trying to get me to like sleep with him. And I'm like, dude, what? I'm like, be so for real right now.
don't give him that, obviously. And then feel bad that I didn't again because I just felt guilty. I was like, I should not feel guilty about this at all. And then, anyways, he ends up ditching me and sleeping with my friend the next night. And I was like, okay. So he literally was just using me for that. And it made me sick to my stomach and it's horrible. And I'm literally still friends with him. I think he's grown and changed and it's never been romantic ever again since. Actually,
Oh my gosh. Yeah, even after that I kissed him again. Isn't that crazy? Whatever, but nothing serious. Now that's that on that. Moving on. Don't get played like that and never feel guilty if someone makes you feel like you owe them anything because you don't. And I make that very clear to every guy that I talk to now, which is no one really. I have like a couple people. No, there's been a few times where I've been in a relationship since. Not a relationship. I've been talking to someone
A couple times since and I make it very clear. Like, sorry, like, there's, I don't, I hope that that's not what you're waiting for because you're not getting that anytime soon. Until you know me and you know the worst parts of me and you love those parts of me, you're not getting, like, the best parts of me per se. I don't know.
And I make that clear. And I promise you there's guys out there who will respect that. Like, will respect it to their core. And that is the hottest thing ever when someone's like, yeah, why would that even – when it's not even a thought in their head, okay? I think that's a huge green flag. We're moving on. Makes fun of what you love. Oh, this is my last red flag. Yeah, just makes you feel like you don't deserve to have your passions or makes your –
What's the word? Your passions feel small and feel stupid and just makes you feel small in general. Guys have this really big power trip sometimes. And I don't know. I've always been... No, I haven't always been blessed. I always act like I haven't been played. I've been played so many times. I just have never been played to where my heart gets broken because I know that I'm getting played and I kind of just allow it to happen. It's this terrible thing. But never allow a guy to be in control of you. Always know...
That you are valuable and you are worthy and that you are a prize. And that's not to say that you deserve to be more powerful than him. You guys are both a prize for each other. And that's what it should feel like in something that's right and in something that's real. You are both going to mutually be a prize for one another. And no one's going to have more power. Yeah, someone might be like...
Like, I don't know, make the plans, decide, make the decisions. But overall, no one should be controlling anyone in a relationship or in a situation or when you're talking to someone. And yeah, I just feel very passionate about that. And those are all most of my red flags. I guess I kind of went into the lots of different details there.
But I'm going to do next week's episode on just green flags because I actually have a lot more green flags than I have red flags written down. I thought I had more. I'm kind of bummed that I don't. That was fun. If you want me to do a part two of red flags, I totally will.
If you've made it this far, Moments merch, there's still a few pieces available. We did a restock for Black Friday, and I didn't want to restock so many just because so many people already ordered, but there's a few left. Like, we have, I think, 100 sweatshirts and 100 zip-ups left. I'm going to make a discount code ACTIVE, and it's going to be MOMENTS in all caps, and I'll give you – that discount code is going to get you 30% off, so –
I'm not going to post about that on Instagram, TikTok. That only exists for you guys. So if you want to go get something, whether it's for your friend or...
Whoever this collection is done after this next collection is gonna be so sick, but it doesn't come out for a few months So get this while you can I cry every time I see you guys post in it or share it or talk about it or like when I was at Tallahassee this weekend I met this girl and she's like I got my best friend t-shirt for for Christmas. I was like that is the coolest thing ever anyways Go use that code if you want if not, whatever. It's okay. I love you guys and I
Yeah, please don't run towards red flags. I've learned in the past it's not worth it. Like, I know they say nice guys always finish last. Like, let the nice guy win the race for once because the nice guys are way better. And I have a nice guy in my life right now, and I've been kind of running from it for so long. But I'm noticing myself start to... We'll get into this another time. We are not getting into this now. I've also talked about it on here before, that little situation. But...
I love you guys and you're my best friends and I will talk to you again soon and make sure that you don't get loved, bombed, or used. And if you have any more questions about relationship advice from someone who has only been in one serious relationship, I'm happy to give you my two cents. But honestly, just to like go off topic for 0.2 seconds, I think that me not being in a relationship has nothing to do with my capability of relationship advice because I have...
I could have gotten myself in relationships that were really bad for my mental health or that were really toxic, but I didn't because I know all these things about how not to do that. I don't know. Does what I'm saying make sense? I'm going to end this off here. This has been a long episode. I love you guys. I'm so grateful for you, and I will talk to you next Monday about all the green flags and all the things that you should look for in a man or a partner or whoever.