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cover of episode 86: Changes are good

86: Changes are good

2023/6/21
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Moments Podcast

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以丰富的内容和互动方式帮助学习者提高中文能力的播客主播。
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主播分享了她最近生活中的诸多变化:新恋情、朋友搬家、买房等,这些变化让她经历了身份认同危机,但她最终选择拥抱变化,并相信一切都会在正确的时间发生。她鼓励听众相信正确的时机和对的人会到来,不要与他人比较,要享受当下,并爱自己。她还谈到了美国和欧洲不同的生活方式和对成功的定义,以及她对爱情和人际关系的看法转变。

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The podcast begins with the host discussing the importance of trusting that the right things will come at the right time, emphasizing the difficulty of this concept and the tendency to compare oneself to others.

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中文

Hello, my beautiful people and welcome back to the moments podcast. I'm coming at you live on a lovely Tuesday morning Podcast was supposed to come out yesterday, but your girl's last minute. What can I say? I'm happy to be here. I've missed you guys I haven't talked to you since before I went to France before I hard-launched my boyfriend before I got my life back together That one's still a work in progress, but it's kind of what I want to talk about actually I

Is that what I want to talk about? I don't know. I kind of want to talk to you about trusting that the right things are going to come to you at the right times in your life.

It is just so hard for us all to just trust the process and understand that the right things and the right people and the right ventures and the right excursions and the right opportunities always come when they're meant to come. It's so easy to get lost in the thoughts that other people are ahead of you, they're moving further than you, they're moving faster than you, they're doing more things, this and that.

When the reality is, it's all part of the process. Okay, you can't compare your chapter one to someone else's chapter 10. And we're all on a different path. We all have a different schedule. And if you want to believe that someone has it all planned out for you, please do so. Please have faith. Please trust in whatever higher power it is that you would like to trust in. But

Before I deep dive into that, let me tell you about France. Because that trip was so freaking awesome and so freaking beautiful. And I want to go back to Europe so badly. It is so different over there. Like...

Down to every detail. I mean, the biggest thing that I noticed is that the U.S. has absolutely no architecture. Nothing beautiful. We are just a bunch of boxes and we live so boring and everything's so modern and it makes me very, very sad because what I love the most about Europe or honestly going to any different country, even when I go to South America or I don't know, those are the only two continents I've hit, but basically anywhere but America, the architecture is so much more beautiful.

It just looks like everything had more time spent on it and people put more passion into what they were creating and everything was created just so much more beautifully. And that's the biggest thing that I noticed. And also just...

The way that people live, people actually make time to enjoy their lives. America feels a lot faster and a lot speedier and a lot more money-driven and work-driven and success-driven. And I think that success means two different things here versus there. I think success anywhere but the U.S. means that you're happy and you're healthy and you can afford to have a roof over your head and put food on the table. And I think that in the U.S., success means...

More money, you know, more than enough money, more than double what half the people in the world have, more boats, more yachts, more private jets. The more money you have, the happier you are. And that's the idea that the U.S. has constructed for us. And I just don't necessarily agree with that. I was talking to, I think, one of my favorite things to do.

when I travel is to talk to people that grew up in the place that I'm in or live there or have lived there for however long. So I was talking to our Uber driver one day and we were just talking about all the ways that the U.S. is different than where I was in France and

We just talked about how they prioritize, you know, enjoying their life. And yes, you still have to work and you have to make money. And that's not something that disappears. And it's still hard work and it's still a lot of work. But the goal isn't the money that comes from the work. The goal is the experiences and the people that kind of come from the work and the time that you have to spend with your people, if that makes any sense. And I think that's such a beautiful concept. And when I travel...

I always come home thinking that same thing and then I'll be home for long enough that I get back on the U.S. wave of thought, you know, where I'm like, okay, I got to make money. I got to do this. I got to do that. I can't sit still. I don't have time to go lay in the sun. I don't have time to do this and that because this person's doing this. And if I can't do that, then I'm going to fail and I'm behind and I'm not going to make enough money to have a family and yada, yada, yada. First of all, Lexi and everyone who feels that way.

I'm 22, okay? You're probably, if you're listening to this, I'd imagine under 30. And even if you're over 30, we have all the time in the world, okay? Every day of our lives, we can be figuring it out. But why worry so much about figuring out the future when we're still right here? And yeah, so when I travel, I'm reminded to just take it slow, to take it easy, to enjoy life. And yes, to put in the work and to work on your goals and to work on yourself, but not with so much pressure that it makes you lose yourself.

picking up what I'm putting down, still gotta work. Okay, but work so that you have time to enjoy your life. Not work so much that you have no time to do anything for yourself or for other people or with other people. And kind of while I'm on this topic, I'm going to touch on

I'm actually changing the entire topic of this episode. I'm now going to talk about the identity crisis that I'm having and why change is a really good thing and why it's a very hard thing to comprehend, but it's also so special. I am someone... So the new podcast episode is just this identity crisis that I'm having, and let's get into it.

I have been going through a lot of changes in my life. You guys know now that I have a boyfriend going on three months strong. Who would have thought? Not me.

So that's a big change. I am spending my last two months with my best friend before she moves away. Not that far, but for me, far. Lissette and I have spent every waking moment together for basically forever, for as long as I can remember. And yeah, she went to college and I was home and I went to Hawaii, but all of those were temporary things and we knew we'd end up back in the same place. But...

In August, she leaves for her big girl job. And who knows, that might not be forever, but there's a possibility that it is. And just knowing that we're not going to live five minutes away from each other and be able to spend every minute with each other is a really hard thing for me to go through. And it's a lot.

And I don't think I give myself any time to process that, but it's definitely been making me really sad. So it's been causing some changes in my life because I'm valuing my time with her more than I did in the past. Just because I know that it's fleeting faster and I have to take it all in while I can. And anyways, that's another change. Another change is that I just bought the house and I'm...

reworking my schedule to make time to spend time over there and it's just a whole new element of of learning and growing up and adulting and Also, I mean this one's kind of old but I got a dog I know it sounds silly But these are all changes and when you take all the little things they lead to really big changes in your life Which I guess I didn't really know that that was gonna happen and now I'm processing that I feel like a whole different person but also the same person and

The reality is that there's just things in my life, there's things that I'm doing and ways that I'm feeling that I never thought I would feel because like my personality traits are changing, if that makes any sense. And I used to be somebody who always wanted to be alone. I loved my alone time and don't get me wrong, I still do. I'm still always going to advocate for making sure you can love your alone time and you can have fun with yourself. But I was always someone who would prefer to be alone than to be with people.

And for the most part that's still true. I'd rather be alone than be in a group social setting But ever since i've had a boyfriend and ever since I have realized I only have a few months left with my best friend The last thing I want to do is be alone I want to be with one of them with both of them if i'm lucky I get to be with both of them because that is Like the happiest I can possibly be my best friend and my boyfriend all in one room It's my favorite thing. It's my favorite thing ever. I would choose that all the time. Um

But no, when I first started dating my boyfriend, I was still very big on my alone time. And I asked myself, like, if I had problems because I would want to be alone sometimes more than I'd want to be with my boyfriend. And that sounds so horrible. Like, I don't want it to sound like I didn't want to be with him. That's not what I'm saying. I was just going through this adjustment phase where someone new came into my life, someone that I wanted to be around and that I wanted to make time for. But I wasn't used to that. My mind wasn't used to that. My body wasn't used to that.

no part of me was really ready for that because it kind of came out of nowhere and I just spent the first month or so just adjusting my schedule to make time for someone new and now I've gotten to this point where when I do have free time instead of thinking about reading or journaling or I don't know editing or making TikToks whatever it may be whatever I used to do in my alone time I

all I want to do is hang out with people that I love and spend time with people that I care about. And I think that that's a really beautiful thing. And I'm actually really happy about it. It's something that I always thought I was lacking in my life or something I thought I didn't.

I genuinely thought something was wrong with me because of how much I like to be alone. And I don't think there was anything wrong with me. I just think that we all go through these different phases and these different shifts and there's going to be times in your life where you're one person and times in your life where you're another person. But at your core, you're always you. You know? Don't really know what I'm saying. But,

I've gotten to this point where I love to be around people and I want to spend my energy with others. So that's just caused this whole crisis within me where now when I am alone, I ask myself like, what did I used to do in this time? And why, what's going on? How, how do I process this change? That's not the only thing I feel has changed in my life. Like I,

When it comes to love languages and people that I care about and I don't know, past relationships I guess. Not even past relationships but situationships I'll call them because I haven't really had a real boyfriend in a really long time. But

I hated physical touch. Like, physical touch was the least of my love languages. I don't want to be touched. I don't want to touch people. I just... I want my space. And ever since I, I don't know, fell in love and just... I don't know. Fell in love. All I want to do is be touching my boyfriend. I want him to be touching me. I just love touch. It makes me feel so much more connected and loved and special and cherished. And I don't know. It's just a really special thing to me all of a sudden. And...

I never would have thought that would have been me. All. Like, words of affirmation has always been my number one love language. And it's shifting. It's changing. And it's just such a strange...

that I can't comprehend. And I know that this isn't only happening in my life. It happens in a lot of our lives and it's a really weird adjustment. So I think that that's just why I wanted to bring some awareness to it, bring some light to it and some positivity because I've gone back and forth with it in my brain. I,

I just have questioned everything about who I've always thought I was. I'm like, am I changing? Am I becoming a whole new human being? No, you're just shifting with the different waves of your life that life brings you. And I know there's some science behind this too, but apparently every seven years or so, what changes? Like our brain changes or something. Maybe I'm making this up. Anyways, I'm 22. So I guess last year is when this would have happened. But in my head, I'm just saying it's happening now.

Something's shifting in my brain. And I'm in this phase of my life where I'm feeling so much love and light and happiness all the time. I'm like, is that what love does to you? Is that really true? Should I have fallen in love a long time ago? Because this is awesome. And I guess anyone who is in love and is listening to this, please let me know if that's just what happens. I don't know. I'm processing all of this still. I never, ever...

would have expected to be here. And I guess that's kind of all I had to say about the identity crisis and the changing thing. So I will shift this to just trusting the timing of your life and give you a little background story on why I want to talk about that.

and I, I want to do a podcast episode with him one day, but I don't know. I don't know if I can bring myself to do that. That's scary. That makes me nervous for some reason, but eventually we'll get to that point. Anyways, him and I have known each other for six years and I don't know if I've told this story, but I'm going to briefly do it. And we were always friends. He always liked me for a very long time since I was a senior in high school. And I was always like, no, no, no, no. Cause that's just how I am. It was nothing to do with him. It's just,

Me. I just run from everything that could potentially be good for me. Apparently until I don't. That's another identity crisis that I'm having. Like I can't, I wonder how many things I've missed out on because I was always just so scared of things. I don't know. Anyways.

Always said no. And then in college, we would kiss a couple times at the bar if we drank enough alcohol. And one time, he would, like, come and bang on me and my roommate's door. And he's just to hang out with us, just to see us. And he always liked me that year in college. And one time, I kissed another guy at the bar, and he left the bar. It was so funny. But I felt a little bit bad. Anyways, we always...

Had like a soft spot for each other, but I never liked him enough to ever commit. And then we had a phase where we were just actually just friends. And then there was a phase where we honestly weren't really friends at all. I don't know what happened, but we just stopped talking and we drifted for a while. And then we became friends again. You know, we always ran in the same friend group, sort of. It's like a...

mutual friend group I don't know how to explain it but we would see each other around and he is one of my best friends best friends and we're all so connected it's crazy Lisette's roommate is his best friend they've been best friends since second grade or so so there's no avoiding each other anyways we all start hanging out again we were all out one night um

him and I were just chatting, just catching up and he's like, oh, you're going to Sunrise all the time I want to come one day, and I'm like, okay, yeah, cool never hit him up about it, and then it's actually really funny how it happened, but the kid that I was talking to before Gabe, not even talking to we literally weren't talking at all

We were just hanging out as friends. Like, nothing ever even happened. But he got back with his ex-girlfriend. And I was like, you know what? And he tried to, like, lie to me about it and not tell me. I was like, bro, just tell me. I don't care. We're not talking. Anyways, besides the point, he got back with his ex-girlfriend. And I was like, you know what? Let's text Gabe. Let's all go to Sunrise one day. Just, I don't even know why those two things connected in my brain. Because Gabe and I were just friends. But...

For some reason it did. I don't know. And we all go to Sunrise together one day and then we all go work out at his gym that same day. We start the tradition of Wacky Wednesday. About a month goes by. We start Snapchatting. Now we're like texting each other old memories and pictures and I'm like, oh boy, here we go. This is looking a little bit more like a friendship or a little bit less like a friendship. What's going to happen here? And we just start chatting.

hanging out because he asked me on a date and we go on a date and then the rest is history and then we start dating and now here we are three months in. How did I get to that point? I have no idea. Oh, timing. And I don't know. All of that happening the way that it did just kind of taught me that there is such thing as right person, wrong time and...

You got to just trust that the things are going to come to you when they're meant to come to you. I always had this fear that I would never fall in love or I would never experience real love. And I would never let someone in completely. I would just continue to run from what's good for me. And I genuinely believe that that's how I was going to be for the rest of my life. And it was such a crisis that I struggled with for the longest time. Like, it was a mental battle that I was having 24-7. I just...

would blame myself for everything. I would blame myself for just constantly running from what was good for me. But I think that God was trying to teach me to just be patient and to just wait because when it is the right person, you will know. And people always told me that. And I laughed in their face and I told them to shut up. And I was like, no, that's not it. Like, that's literally not it at all. Something's wrong with me, this and that. I don't know why I can't just stick with anything that could be good for me.

No, it's a real thing. It's a real thing. You just really do have to trust the process and you have to know that you have to continue to work on yourself and you have to get yourself to a point where you can love yourself fully and then you can allow someone to come in and...

When I say you have to love yourself before you let someone love you, I don't mean you have to be the most confident human being in the whole entire world who loves himself at every single day, at every single second. You can still be very insecure. I am still very insecure, but I have found, for lack of better words, I found security in my insecurity.

came to the realization that even though I am flawed and I am imperfect in many ways and there's things that I'm always going to be working on for myself and about myself that doesn't make me any less valuable and that doesn't make you any less worthy and honestly those are things that someone should love about me if they are going to get to love me at my best they're also going to have to learn to love me at my worst and I think that that acceptance is

is really just what made me open to experiencing what was out there and seeing what it could possibly be. Because the reality is you're never going to know unless you try. And I think that outside forces are going to push you to try, even if they don't usually. When it's the right time...

Something is going to be inside of you that makes you say yes. When Gabe asked me on my first date, I told the set that I said yes. And she was like, what the hell? What do you mean you said yes? You didn't give any excuse. You just said yes. And I was like, I don't know what came over me. I don't know what happened. I don't know how I did it. But I said, yeah. And when Gabe asked me to be his girlfriend, I had so many questions.

doubts and fears and I was so scared and I almost said no just because It was unknown and I was terrified of the unknown, but I've always preached don't be scared of the unknown because you never know what you could miss out on and Even when I wanted to say no or I wanted to say can we wait on it? Can we put a pin in it? Can we decide in a couple weeks? because we don't even talking for a month or so a little over a month and

And that was a really big commitment to me, to put a label on that. When in the past, I've talked to guys for like six months and never was ready to put a label on it, or even longer than that, honestly. But something came over me and said yes. And it was the best decision I could have ever made because I have never been happier. I am so excited to be experiencing this chapter of my life. And don't get me wrong, it was terrifying. Change was terrifying. Figuring all of this out was really, really scary. And learning to let someone in

in ways that I haven't even really let myself in has not been easy, but it's been comforting because it wasn't as scary as I thought it was going to be. It was more the anticipation that scared me. But now that I'm in it, honestly, every step of the way gets easier and easier and love gets easier every day. So I know that's a little cringe, but I just wanted to share it with you because I

Honestly, if you have listened to this podcast for long enough, you know that I have always been the one to run from the good things and the relationships and the boys and just always found so much more happiness being alone. Take it from me. If I can do it, you can do it. And I just want you to know that you are so valuable and you are so worthy and the right person is going to come into your life at the right time. And I think the way you attract that person is to...

Just be yourself and to love yourself. And I've said this time and time again, but to never change who you are for someone temporary because then the situation becomes temporary. And I think that when you are who you really want to be,

and you are that version of yourself, the people that are going to come into your life from here on out are going to be people that are going to stick around for the long term and not the short term. And that has proven to be true because you're not going to find any crisis where you realize you're not who you want to be and you're not around who you want to be. If you just bring people into your life when you are that version of yourself that you see in the future, those people are going to stick around for the future.

And that's the truth. And the people that you surround yourself with in your life are going to be very, very impactful because the five people you keep closest to you are the person or what am I saying is the person that you become. So you're going to pick up on traits from your friends. So I want you to feel inspired by the people in your life. I want you to feel inspired by the people in your life.

You to have people in your life that make you laugh, that make you feel confident, that make you feel happy, that make you feel secure and cared for because those are all very special things and that's what you deserve. And if the people in your life aren't serving you that, there's more people out there for you, okay? There's always another fish in the sea and what you need is

Will come to you when it's supposed to come to you. And this doesn't just go for relationships. I'm just using this as an example because that's kind of the biggest thing that I have going on in my life right now. And it's what I think about a lot. I honestly haven't had much time to think about much else because I'm just soaking it in, okay? I'm living my little lover era and eventually I'll find a balance between everything. But this goes with everything in your life. Not just boys or girls or relationships or friendships. It goes for...

career paths and opportunities and places that you live and everything in between. It's all going to come when it's meant to come. And like I've always said, and like I've always told you, everything happens for a reason. And if you don't know the reason yet, it's just because you're in the happening. And the happening is a very beautiful time in your life and you should reflect on it and you should take note of it.

Because eventually when you get to the other side, you're going to realize exactly why you had to go through all of the hardships that you had to go through. And when you meet the right person, you're going to realize why you had to have all of those times you got played or all of the heartbreaks you had to go through or all of the people that you had to hurt. For whatever reason, there was a reason and it brought you to exactly where you are right now.

And I just want to give you hope. There is another side. And it gets greener and the light gets brighter and everything gets better. And that's not to say I'm not going to hurt again or I'm not going to go through another rough patch or another phase. But what it does mean is I'm going to soak up whatever chapter of life that I'm in right now. And if that means I've changed and my priorities look different...

I'm going to embrace it instead of spending so much time reflecting on why I've changed or how to not change or how to go back to my old self. I'm going to embrace every bit of this version of me because I'm ever changing and I'm ever evolving and so are you. And we're going to have different things happen in our life. And why waste our life away?

worrying about them instead of just taking in the moment you know soak it all in hence the moments podcast um and this moment that I'm in is simp I'm really just I'm guys I'm genuinely in shock that I have a boyfriend it's it I I have no words for it it still still hits me like a truck every time I say it but I'm just glad I get to bring you guys along for the journey and I

I'm rambling a lot right now, so I'm going to end this one here. I want to do some research for next week's episode because I have a few things that I've really been dying to talk about, and I also want to get my...

My my what what can I what can I speak? No, I want to get my therapist back on here and talk about some things and I want to eventually start getting some guests on this podcast and interviewing people and I think that that would be super sick and awesome, but I just keep saying it instead of doing it. So When I get the chance That's what we're gonna do and that's what's happening But I appreciate your patience with me and I love you guys and I love this podcast and um

We'll be in touch soon. Okay, let's chit chat later. I love you. Bye. Have the best day ever the best week ever. I know it's a Wednesday. Happy hump day. Go enjoy your life. Go get wacky this Wednesday and make this the best second half of the week ever. Okay. I love you. Goodbye. Also, I posted a YouTube video if you want to go watch. It's on mangoes makeover. So we're doing that now too. I'm a little vlog girl. It's gonna take me a second to get back into the vlog groove. I don't remember how I used to do that all the time.

I don't know what I'm supposed to say to the camera or what I'm supposed to film, but it's a learning journey. We'll get there together. Okay, I love you. Goodbye. Okay, now back to the podcast.