Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
Hello my beautiful people and welcome back to the moments podcast. This is my third time restarting this episode I've only gotten about two minutes in every time just because my brain's not really working per usual and I'm not feeling like the things that I'm saying are good enough and I'm feeling stuck and repetitive and stumped and I'm just really being so hard on myself and that kind of goes very
well with what I want today's episode to be about anyways two of the things that I feel the most in my life are comparison and change or whatnot see can't speak today and chasing like I'm always chasing something and we've touched on both of these topics but I wanted to do a little bit more of an in-depth
episode on them because after posting on my Instagram story asking like what everyone is feeling like as a collective as a big old family here like what are we chasing and 99% of us are chasing and feeling the exact same things so I really just wanted to do this episode to be a reminder that you're not alone in
Any of these feelings and any of these thoughts that we give to ourself, all these nasty, mean comments like you're never going to be enough, you're never going to do enough, you're never going to be good enough. We're all doing that to ourselves, which is really unfortunate and really stupid. And I wish we wouldn't. And I wish we would just learn to be kind to ourselves. But until we can figure out how to do that, at least we can know that we're all struggling together. Damn, that sounds so...
Sorry if you guys hear Leah sleeping in the background. She just can't leave my side. And even when I try to kick her out of the room while I record, she just ends up right back in here. And I can't seem to make her move. Alright, so I don't know why I'm having such a hard time recording this right now. Like I'm just feeling so emotional. And I wasn't today, but then I was reading some of these journal entries that you guys submitted into the website and...
They just hit so close to home. They just feel so personal and it just breaks my heart that we are all feeling this way. Like no matter where we are at in our lives, no matter how successful we are to someone else, we're never going to feel successful enough to ourselves or any kind of enough for ourselves. And when I posted on my Instagram story,
Like what are things that we're constantly chasing all of us said the same things and I want to read a few of those things to you. One of the biggest ones that hits the hardest for me is time like we are always chasing more time and and I feel this so heavily because no matter how much I accomplish in the day, I feel like I needed more time and it went by too fast and I didn't do enough and
I'm just always wishing there was more time. And I wish that I was using my time more valuably and managing my time differently. And I'm just chasing more and more. Guys, when I tell you that my brain is feeling really off right now, I mean it. I have just been...
Before I even get into any of this, let me just tell you the ways that I'm feeling this in my life. And I don't know why I'm feeling so emotional about this right now. But it's something that I've been feeling for a long time and struggling with for a long time. Like, comparison is so hard for me because I just feel like I'm at this point in my life where I'm so stuck with, like, the way that I do things. And I feel like the world is moving faster than I'm moving. And it's just...
so hard to keep up like no matter what I do I can't seem to find the motivation that other people have to chase their dreams and I can't seem to find like a way out of my social anxiety to start doing more things and
You know, like having guests on the podcast, I've been talking about doing that for how long? So long now. And it just scares me so much. Like, I don't know why I feel so small and incapable of sitting down and having a conversation on mental health with someone because it's all I really want to do. I think it's so valuable to like talk through things with people and have people like listen in and understand why different people go through different things and just like
Help the world have a better understanding and more compassion and more empathy for other people and all of our struggles because, you know, everyone's situation is different. And I think it's also a beautiful reminder that you're not alone when you can sit down and have a conversation with someone else on their mental health and realize, you know, we're all going through it. I find that to be something...
I just can't get my I can't get myself to take that step and to cross that bridge because of my fear of messing up and all I constantly preach is that you can't be good at something without being bad at something at first and like the first step is just stepping out of your comfort zone and that's what I'm constantly preaching and I'm finding it so hard to
actually do it like I can't practice what I preach and I think that there's a lot of reasons I'm feeling that in my life one of them just being because I'm scared another one being because I have so much on my plate and Not in the sense of like oh my god I'm so busy my life is so hard in the sense of like I am using so much mental energy on everything going on right now in my life and
That I can't pour all of my energy into this, which is what I want to do. I love this podcast. I love what we've created. I love everything about it. I'm just wanting to give it more than I can give. And like I'm offering more than I can actually give in every aspect of my life. And I do that because...
Feel like other people are doing that or other people can do that other people can offer more and then I want to be as good as other people so I can be good enough for myself Moral of the story I'm at a point of a lot of comparison and a lot of chasing and I just think I really needed to get that off of my chest before I could get into more of the things I want to talk about on this episode because
I don't know. I'm really having to like push myself through this right now. And I don't know why, but just felt called to share that. And if my, my words are jumbled and my outline is jumbled and all my thoughts are jumbled, like just know I'm working on it and I'm figuring it out. And I know that I'm the only one who's like really noticing this about myself, but you know, all it takes is a couple of comments or a couple of DMs to like
Tell you I don't know why i'm so choked up to just like tell you that you're not doing good enough at something or you're not Enough or there's like so many people better than you that's all it takes for me to just like send myself down some Crazy spiral and i'm working on it and I really do believe that every aspect of my life is beautiful right now i'm just feeling this hold back in my work and
I don't know. It's a constant thing that I feel. Let's get into what everyone else is chasing and comparing themselves to, and then as we cross over things that I feel, we can deep dive into them, because might as well just be open and vulnerable in this episode. I just struggle with putting all the things I'm feeling into my words, and as someone who has a podcast and
has always been really good at articulating my feelings and my words in a certain way. Like being at this point where I can't do that as well is really a humbling experience. And that might even be the wrong word. It's just like a scary experience because so much of who I am and what I do for a living as my career is to be able to talk about these big feelings and share them and talk other people through them. And then just feeling stuck and
and not being able to do that is weird and scary. And like, yeah, let's just anyways.
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Things that we're chasing. Things that we are all chasing. I posted a little box on my Instagram story. I said, tell me what you're chasing. What are you looking for? You are soon about to realize that we are all struggling. And I talked about that literally five minutes ago on this episode. I just got to figure my brain out, guys. I need someone to come over, literally cut my head open, go in my brain, and just take the thoughts and put them in organized boxes.
Because right now it is just a freaking jungle gym up there. And I noticed that when I clear my brain out, it is so much easier for me to talk about these feelings and articulate them. But how do I clean out my brain when nothing in my life is cleaned out? You know, that's what I'm feeling. Okay. Like I started with before I went on that freaking ramble shmamble, is that a lot of us are chasing time. We're chasing love.
from not just ourselves but from others we're chasing academic success validation happiness beauty purpose money recognition social status self-approval approval from others the feeling of productivity peace consistency enoughness the finish line feeling wanted creative creativity and freedom
Now, all of these are things that I'm sure on some level, some of us have felt in our life. We have always wanted to all feel love. We've always wanted to succeed in school. We've always wanted others to validate us. We've always wanted to find a purpose or be pretty enough. And I think we've just kind of gotten to a point and a day and age where it is so much harder to feel loved.
Like, we are enough in all of these settings. Like, we are just constantly chasing more because more is being thrown at us. And I know I've talked about the paradox of choice TED Talk many times on here, which basically is just saying, like, the more opportunity there is, the more that we want to do and the harder it is to make a decision on what it is that we want to do. And...
And obviously this isn't necessarily about making a choice or about making a decision, but it's just that there are so many people sharing everything about their lives and we see so much and we consume so much between the TV, the media, the everything.
That we just never feel like we're going to be enough because someone else is always doing it more or being better. And that's just the feeling that we are all feeling. I also asked you guys to write in to my diary section of my website. Sorry, guys. I'm really working on my words. I'm just having quite a little bit of a mental breakdown right now. I had to pause this, take a deep breath.
I'm not sure what's going on. I'm not sure why I've been feeling this. It's super weird. I've been extra emotional, extra heavy in the things that I feel, but also so light in other aspects of my life. And it's been really cool to pour into, I'm sorry, I just keep going on these spirals about my own life. That's not what I'm here to do. That's not what we're doing today. The point is, I asked you guys on my website to submit in...
what you guys are comparing, what you're chasing, just kind of give me some journal entries on this topic. And I want to read them to you because I think that this is what really hit me and made me realize that this is a collective feeling that we all have. There's not one person who commented that they're not chasing anything or that they don't compare themselves to anyone. So let me just read some of these to you and then we'll discuss them.
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Go to HelloFresh.com slash 50 moments and use code 50 moments for 50% off plus 15% off the next two months. Go to HelloFresh.com slash 50 moments and you'll get 50% off plus 15% off for the next two months. Trust me, you guys are going to love it. Back to the podcast. I feel like I've been comparing myself to other people lately because I just moved out of state for college and everyone is so happy and having the time of their lives and I don't understand why I'm so unhappy here.
I read this and I screenshotted it and I wanted to read this one to you because I think this is something that a lot of people have a very hard time with.
Everyone expects that you get to college and it's just going to be this time of your life and you're going to absolutely love it. It's going to be the best four years ever. You're going to make the greatest of friends. You're going to do great in school. You're going to graduate, get your diploma. That's the way that we think things are going to go. But here's the thing with life. It's never really predictable and you never really know what you're going to get. And
That's exactly how it was for me when I got to college. I didn't go out of state. I stayed in state, but I was about seven hours from home. It felt really far away from me or from where I grew up. And I felt like I had this complete sense of freedom and I couldn't wait to see how awesome it was. And it turns out that for me, it was actually horrible. We deep dive, deep dove into college.
My college experience many times, but in a long story short, I felt the exact same way. Like everyone around me was so happy and was having the time of their lives and, you know, ended up doing all four years of school and finishing it and still call it the best four years of their life.
Then there was me, who lasted about a year at the first school that I went to and I couldn't handle it because I was so depressed and so anxious all the time and I was working myself too hard and I was basically destroying my brain and my mind and my body because I was trying to distract myself from the fact that I was unhappy. And I share that story so often because while it is a little bit more rare of an experience,
I know that other people have the same experience and I just don't want anyone else to have to get to the point where it's the breaking point before they realize they're unhappy. So if anything, I want you to take this situation and just be proud of yourself for being aware that you are not somewhere that is making you happy. And I think there's a couple options and I think one of them is to just evaluate if this is somewhere you want to be or evaluate if there's something that you're missing that is...
You can bring a piece of home to where you are. You know, what can you do that you did at home that you aren't doing now and see if it makes a difference. And also just know that you're in a huge period of change and you can get to a point from here where you end up loving exactly where you are and you might not. And there's nothing wrong with either option. Just keep listening to your heart. Keep trusting yourself. Keep doing whatever it is that you can to water your own grass and just
you know, this path is gonna take you exactly where it's meant to take you. And I just wanted to say that because college is hard. Going to college for the first time is really, really hard. And I know we just did an episode on going back to school, so we'll save that whole spiel for another day.
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That's 20% off anything when you order and use promo code MOMENTS at liquidiv.com. And that's MOMENTS in all caps, by the way. Back to the pod. The next one I have. This one I feel very, very, very heavily. And I'm almost embarrassed that I feel it so heavily. But I know that when I say it, we're all going to be like, oh, yeah, okay, so we're all collectively feeling that. Yeah. Yeah.
Sometimes I feel like I'm constantly trying everything to feel beautiful. New makeup, hairstyles, trendy clothes, skin care, but I never feel beautiful because I'm constantly comparing myself to everyone around me. When you get a taste of pretty privilege and get compliments on your looks, it's all you focus on because you want more. And some days I feel pretty and I like the way I look, but other days I feel like the ugliest person on the planet.
And it's confusing because I don't even know what I actually look like and my appearance is all I focus on and it consumes my everyday life. Like if I feel ugly, then my mood is bad. If I feel pretty, then I feel happy. I don't know how to not define myself by my appearance, but it's so ingrained in me because that's what being a girl is. If we aren't pretty, then we aren't worth anything. I think we need to redefine beauty in our minds in order to actually feel beautiful and realize that beauty in others doesn't take away from our own.
This one is so real. It is so heavy and it hits in every single sentence I feel and I can relate to. I always grew up and I believed to find... Like, I was super confident when I was a kid. Like, I was a little girl who was like, oh my god, I'm so pretty. And I even was confident. Like, on the surface, I would kind of... I don't know how to explain it. In high school, I knew that I was pretty even if I didn't feel pretty. I just like... I really don't know how to explain it. That sounds bad. I just...
So much or based so much of what my my worth was on what I looked like. And I think that I've just gotten into a point in my life or an age in my life where I'm having all these new struggles with my appearance. You know, I'm finding things that I was never insecure about. I'm insecure about now down to the smallest things like peach fuzz on my face or my
how big my bags on my eyes are or how bad my breakout is and it is all that i can see and it is all that i can think about and anytime i'm making even eye contact with someone
I believe that that's what they're looking at on me. And I really have to sit back and remind myself that I have never looked at someone and just paid attention to those details about them or even noticed them. And I know that nobody's really doing that to me, but it just sends you into this weird mental state when it's all that you're looking at. And you know that you need to turn it off and you know that no one's paying attention, but you can't seem to.
Change it because it is so engraved in you that you have to look a certain way to please certain people to just be enough Not even for yourself but for others and I relate to that so heavily like I really dread looking in the mirror some days and I don't know if it's just a phase I'm in and I think it has to do with just the state of high stress that I've been in and high overwhelm and high comparison and all of these feelings and
Like you guys know, the past few weeks, months even, it's just been hard to figure it all out. Can we take a deep breath together? Let's breathe in. Let's breathe out. I just feel like I sound insane. And I don't want to. But back to what we were even talking about. Part of me wants to delete this episode so badly and not share it and not upload it. And I'm not going to do that. I'm going to post this. And...
We're just going to have to work through this little segment of my life together. I can't believe it's been 100 episodes of this, and I've had about five guests on. Clearly, you can tell that that is something that's really been bothering me. It fits so well into this episode, everything that I'm feeling, but I just feel like everyone is doing everything better than me. Honestly, when I scroll to this next little journal entry, I'm sure it's going to say the same thing.
We all think that people are doing things and executing things better than we are. And yeah, I'm going to get into how we're going to fix all of these emotions that we're feeling after I finish reading these journal entries. I'm sorry I keep drifting off. My brain just keeps going back to this thing. And that's why I just keep dumping it on you. Okay, the next one I have, um,
And then...
We have another paragraph.
um felt that one too I'm telling you all these are hitting me like a trunk a trunk come on a truck is what I meant and they're punching me in the face because I also feel that I feel so blessed in so many segments of my life I get to spend time with my family my boyfriend I get to
focus on fun things going on in my life. I get to do fun things in my life, but then I feel so behind in my career. And I think that's where I'm struggling with the work-life balance and what I've chosen as my career. I don't have certain hours I'm supposed to be working. So I don't have set projects either because at the same time,
I'm my own boss and I have to manage my own projects myself. And, like, what's too many projects? And if I just slowed down and maybe picked one thing, I could pour more of my energy into that and I could succeed in that. But then, like, I'm also just wanting to do everything all at once because I love so many things. And I feel this because I also...
feel like when I'm having fun and I'm enjoying my life, I feel guilty that I'm not moving forward in my career. And I think that one thing I have to constantly be reminding myself, which is frustrating because I know all of the things to be reminding myself, they just, they don't always work. Like how do we get, how do we make things work? I have all the advice in the world and it just doesn't, doesn't work sometimes. But we need to remember that enjoying our life
is part of being productive. And especially as a creative, if you are an artist, going to the beach and going to watch these sunsets and going to these parties is ultimately going to inspire your art. And I remember that sometimes when I realized if I'm doing all these fun things and I'm bringing my camera, I'm creating my art when I'm enjoying my life. And if I'm not enjoying my life and I'm just pouring into my work,
the inspiration and the creativity isn't there. But I also feel that without the slow-paced, relaxed days and without the time to just do nothing and be with no one and enjoy aloneness,
That's when I can turn my creativity on. But I think the two have to exist together to get to a perfect balance. And I don't think that anyone has that perfect balance, no matter what it seems. And I just think that you and I should both remind ourselves of that. You know? We will get to the point where we make things work. And we can find a balance in our lives. I sure hope. But my advice to you is to please just enjoy this section of your life. Because...
The one thing I do know for sure, and again, another thing that I need to be reminding myself of and I need to practice instead of just preach it, is that when we die, we're not going to be focused on how much money we had made or how many accomplishments we had. We're going to be focused on the memories that we made, the people we spent time with, the laughs that we laughed, and that is what life is about. And that is, hands down, the most important thing about life. And that is what is going to make us...
Enjoy our life the most so just remember that you will get to your work when you get to your work and You and I both got to think about that and know that because that's the truth the next one I have I like this one. Well, I don't like it breaks my heart, but you know what I mean?
I feel like I'm constantly trying to achieve an unrealistic life. I always see girls I went to school with or influencers living a lifestyle that's full of friends, parties, and joy. And it's not that I don't have incredible friends or go to some amazing parties or feel complete and utter joy. But it's not to the scale as those I see online. Sitting in my room...
by myself for days on end, that's when I really realize how lonely I can feel. I want to feel surrounded the way that others appear to be, but really it's also fake. These people I compare myself to aren't fabulous at glamorous parties every single night. They don't constantly have friends around them. They don't constantly feel joyful. So although I'm aiming for this unrealistic life, I'm trying to just learn to aim for contentment, to be grateful for the times I am with my friends at parties, but also being happy by myself.
I feel this because this is something that I was thinking of so deeply the other day. And it was one of those thought spirals that actually brought me so much comfort. And it's really all about perspective. So...
When I read this, I was like, oh my gosh, me too. I'm like, I have this beautiful life and I do all these things, but I follow people online and I have friends that for them, it just seems so much more fulfilled. Like their lives seem so much more fulfilled than my life. Like there's no way that they're struggling with what I'm struggling with. There's no way that they ever feel sad because their life is so perfect and they are so beautiful and
And I feel that. And then I thought about like how often I get comments like, oh my God, your life is so perfect. I wish I had your life. I wish I was you. And I read them and I'm like, no, you don't wish that you felt what I feel so deeply on the inside. Sometimes I would not wish that feeling on my worst enemies. And then it just got me thinking that for all of these people,
They want something that they don't have. It doesn't... If you are the most famous celebrity in the world and all you've ever dreamed of is, like, money and fame, those people who have all of that just want a day to, like, go to the grocery store by themselves, you know? We always are going to be chasing something that we don't have. And...
I also say perspective because it's important to realize that what you have in your life is what someone would dream of. And I just need to remind myself of that when I sit down and I'm in a deep scroll and I'm just watching, let's say Alex Earl, for example, or Monet, like doing all these beautiful looks and going to Fashion Week and talking to people and just like living their best life and going out every night and not having these hangovers.
I can promise you that there is something that they are comparing themselves to also. Like we are all comparing ourselves. So don't take what you do have for granted. Appreciate what you do have. An example like what I'm kind of trying to explain here is let's say you live in the middle of Kentucky, right? To you getting invited to any Fashion Week event sounds like the coolest thing in the whole entire world. Any event, doesn't matter what it is.
Then, if you're someone who is invited to these Fashion Weeks event, can I speak English? No. If you are someone who's getting invited to these Fashion Week events, like all you're thinking about is like, oh my God, what event am I going to get invited to? Like this one is like so good and this one is so bad. And people in that world compare themselves to other people in that world. But to someone who's never even been to New York Fashion Week, any event sounds like a dream.
Really, like it always does, it comes down to just being grateful for what you do have and not feeling like you need more because when you feel like you need more, you're never going to have enough. And that's the biggest thing with chasing and with comparison that I'm here to remind myself and I'm here to remind you. If you're always looking for something else, you are never going to get it. The roots of finding joy and peace and bliss and all the things that we're looking for
is to find gratitude in what we already have and when you can appreciate what you already have everything else that gets added to your life becomes valuable versus if you're constantly chasing an end goal and you're constantly chasing something you're going to miss the whole journey because all the things that get added to your life on the way to that end goal are
They're not going to hold any value and they're not going to mean anything to you. And I can pinky promise you that when you do get to that end goal, if you didn't appreciate the journey, it's going to feel like shit. And once again, it's going to leave you feeling like you need more and you want more. And it's going to be a constant cycle. So listen to me talking to myself in the mirror, talking to you through this camera, this thingy, this recorder. Appreciate what you have.
Know that your life is worthy and it is valuable. And when we are constantly comparing ourselves to other people online, we're never going to feel whole. We're never going to feel good. And we have to stop torturing ourselves. And we have to stop wishing that we were someone different. Because if we spend our whole lives doing this, we're going to get to the end of our life and really, really wish that we appreciated everything that we had. And I need to do that. And you need to do that. And you just got to...
breathe through it all and and just know that you're valuable and you're worthy and all of the things that I constantly repeat and as every time I repeat them I send myself deeper into my comparison spiral like it's crazy I don't know what is going on in my mind I'm sitting here telling you guys all these things and then I'm like damn I don't know I'm gonna end this episode here I'm gonna do a little bit of a journal maybe a little cry about
like why I'm so deep rooted in this feeling that I'm feeling and we're gonna dig up the roots and we're gonna replant the garden and I don't know maybe we're just gonna take a little breather and we're gonna figure out the source of this and if you're in the same boat and you've been feeling the same feelings for a while now maybe let this be your sign to let's figure this out let's figure out what's going on instead of trying to like put a band-aid on something that needs stitches you know
Let's do this together. But the moral of this whole episode is it is always going to be a chase and we're always going to be less than if that's what we're choosing to believe. But if we can change our mindset and start realizing that we have everything and we are everything, I think that a lot of things will change. And I think that that will help you rediscover your sparkle and yourself and get back in touch with everything it is that you want to do.
Because I think it becomes really hard to make your dreams a reality when you're chasing someone else's dreams. And I think that subconsciously, it's what a lot of us are doing. So go evaluate your dreams. That's what I'm going to do. And I will talk to you guys soon. And if you really are still sticking around through me and all my shiz, I'm grateful for you. Okay? I love you so much. So, so much. Have the most beautiful day ever.