Advice from a 23 year old also trying to figure it all out
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Hello, good morning. Welcome back to the Moments Podcast. I have missed you guys. This is my first time recording in the new house, so there is no studio, there is no podcast room, and not that my audio's ever been great, but just a forewarning in case it's a little bit messy. Soon enough, I will have a full mic setup, and this will be high-tech, professional quality, next level. But I wanted to do this week's episode...

Just an advice session. I feel like we haven't done one in a while. And I might be 23 years old with my life only barely half figured out, but I do think that sometimes it's nice to hear what other people just like us have to say for advice because sometimes the advice I hear from older people doesn't always hit the spot that I need it to, and I don't know if that makes sense for anybody else. But if it does, welcome to this week's episode. How to spend my time. I really like this one for some reason.

A lot of people have a lot of things going on. I take, for example, people who are in school, people who are in college, high school, playing after school sports, who are college athletes, who have jobs, full-time jobs. My after grad people who are working nine to fives, my best friend who's working basically 6 a.m. to 8 p.m. these days. She's a busy season accountant. I don't know how she does it, but my queen. We're all busy.

We all can compare our own schedule to someone else's schedule. It's a very easy thing to do. You're like, oh my God, that person has so much time to do all these things. And you're probably right. They probably do. I look at my own life. I am so privileged to live the life that I do. And I still am someone who's like, oh my gosh, this person has so much time. Like imagine not having to da-da-da-da-da. That's one way to think. And that's what we call a lack mindset, right? That's when our time...

Hmm. There's a thing that my therapist taught me and I can't remember exactly what it is, but that's how we look at life when we view it as there's never enough time. And this is one of my biggest weaknesses, my worst traits. I am constantly thinking I'm out of time.

Right. I don't have time to do all the things I want to do in my life. I need to hurry up and get married and have kids or I'm going to be too old or, oh my gosh, there's not enough time for me to do all these things in the day. And I choose to look at life like that. And I'm kind of piggybacking off this question into something else that I'd like to share. But when we think like that, life is almost constantly stressful and constantly overwhelming because we always feel like we're rushing and chasing the clock.

No one wants to do that. A lot of us can't help it. My ADHD people, my gals, or I don't know, whatever we got going on. I try. I really do try. But something I'm working on that I want to share with you next is called time affluence. So time affluence is based. Is that the word? Time abundance? I'm a dropout. Okay. We don't, we come to me for 23 year old dropout advice, not scientific advice. Proud of it. Anyways, the way we're going to choose to start seeing the world is

is with an abundance of time, right? We are just living in a never-ending dream. Like we have so much time to do all of the things. There is time to travel the world and to have kids and to get married and to redo a house. And there's plenty of time. And we just keep, more time keeps showing up.

And it's a very beautiful way to look at life. And I can't give so much advice on how to accomplish that mindset because, again, it's one that I'm working on severely. But just keep thinking. You know, it's a mindset thing. I'm working on shifting it to just recognizing when I'm living in a lack of time mindset and I'm thinking, oh, no, oh, no, oh, no, oh, no. Like even before I sat down to record this episode, my thoughts were, oh, no, oh, no, oh, no. And now they're more, oh,

Okay, just take your time. Just talk. Just chat. Like, it'll get done when it gets done. You know what I mean? So just start having that awareness of when you are viewing your life with a lack of time, work on shifting that to realizing you have plenty of time. Now, going back to what we started with here is how to spend your time. Now, if you are someone who has free time and a lot of it and you're looking for hobbies, activities, things to do,

I want to tell you to spend a lot of your free time alone, especially if you're someone who is constantly surrounded by people. I have said time and time again how important it is to be alone. It really, really is a necessity to feel okay in your life. You have to be able to be okay with yourself. We are always going to have, ideally, there's always going to be people around us, people that we love, but realistically,

you are the only one that you have forever and that is certain and it is sure and You need to have a relationship with you. So how to spend your time your extra time alone I want you to do things like go for walks and read books and maybe watch YouTube videos on things that you like like how to propagate plants or try cooking something new or go volunteer your time or

Well, I guess volunteering your time isn't necessarily alone, but since I work with dogs, I consider it my alone time. I encourage you to watch TED Talks, to stretch, to try yoga, to move your body. There are countless things to do in your time. And I could sit here and list off a million different hobbies. Go become a photographer. Go learn to play an instrument. I could do that.

But instead I want you to, oh no, I feel like I haven't had coffee yet this morning, but it's because I'm waiting to go till after I record this. I'm going to drive to West Palm and drop off film. So excited. But there's a coffee place over there. Anyways, nobody asked. I just get excited to talk. Um, I'm not going to tell you a list of things that you could try. I'm going to tell you to evaluate things you've already done in your life. Did you grow up playing a sport? Did you grow up

painting, watching movies. What did you love when you were younger? And if it was absolutely nothing, then I do encourage you to go online, Google a list of new hobbies to try and hit one of them every single day, every single week, whatever it is. But if you had things that you loved when you were younger, you'll probably still love them now. And you probably haven't done them in a very long time. And I think that you would feel a lot of inner healing and inner joy. And you will beam from the inside out if you try some of the things you enjoyed when you were little.

I used to love playing with chalk in the front yard. And I guess it was almost a year ago now, but it feels like yesterday. My friend came over and I got chalk at Target and we just did chalk in the backyard. And it was so much fun. And we wrote like me and our crush's names and we put them around a heart. And this is actually like right when I went on my first date with Gabe. So that's crazy. Okay, I'm gonna move on to the next one. I realized that I take like 10 minutes to talk about each question. And I don't know why.

Okay. We're reading. This episode of the moments podcast is sponsored by better help quick

Quick little intermission, you guys. We all know how important it is to prioritize the right things in our life. And maybe for you, that's prioritizing doing leg day at the gym or making sure you go for your hot girl walk. But how often are you prioritizing your mental health and making sure that therapy is a part of your weekly routine? If it's something that you've been open to, if it's something that you've been considering, I highly recommend BetterHelp. And thank you so much to BetterHelp for sponsoring this episode.

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Because this is an interesting one and especially for me if you guys don't know if you're new here backstory Since I never showed up about it. I'm, sorry if you've heard it a million times I've been dating my boyfriend for a year now about a year and he's the love of my life my Best friend and the best thing that ever happened to me but pre-boyfriend I was the most alone time queen I'm telling you my parents were worried. I was going to be single my whole life and I wasn't worried I was excited to be single my whole life

I had no desire to open my heart and share it with someone. And honestly, thinking about my mindset then is crazy to the way that I see life and love and relationships now. But it has been kind of a building block because I went from being the most introverted, alone time, don't want to be around people kind of person to almost the opposite. Like I'm not going to call myself codependent because in no way, shape or form,

Am I? But I am definitely... Leah, stop licking. Definitely madly in love with my boyfriend and want to spend every second that I can with him. And when we are apart, it does hurt my heart. And I do miss him very much that I feel it physically, emotionally, in every way. And it's kind of weird. But it's normal to miss people. And I think that's okay. I'm really accepting that it's just fine. I want us to miss each other and be hurting without each other. That's what...

I think love should be like and maybe i'm crazy for that. It's maybe it's a hot take. I don't know the girls that gotta get it but Prioritizing your alone time in a relationship is something that I didn't do until maybe a couple of months ago Even this past month new year's resolution gabe and I talked about it Like of course, I have my alone time when he goes to work all day and I work all day too Like we're not together 24 7

But we've also made it a priority that like if we're going to go to bed, sometimes let's read at night. Sometimes I'm going to stay up and I'm going to do some work on my phone and you can go to sleep. Like we just had to have more conversations that it's not personal if we're together, but apart. You know, we can be in the same room together doing completely separate things and we are still with one another. And I think that that's something that I've done too.

still honor my alone time without necessarily being alone and also sometimes honoring my alone time while actually being alone. Gabe and I got in a little argument the other day. So stupid. We're actually dumb, but I was so angry. I was like, I'm just going to go to Barnes and Noble and I'm going to go buy a book. And I went to Barnes and Noble for an hour and just sat there and I looked at all the books and I felt so healed. And I really appreciated that time that I got to spend with myself and I

Now it's kind of a goal to do that once in a while, to just let myself be alone where I can journal and I can write and I can feel without a boy standing next to me, you know, or laying in my lap. Both are great, but it is still important because yes, this person might be here forever. I know that Gabe is my forever, but that being said,

Life happens and things happen. And even though I have someone who's ideally going to be in my life forever, that doesn't mean I should lose the other person that I'm going to have in my life forever, which is me. You know, me and me and me is always the most important. Not in a selfish way, in a I come first way. You know, does that make any sense? Okay. How to overcome being antisocial. Oh, guys, I wish I knew. I wish I knew. I am...

Quite the homebody quite the introvert until Until I'm in a social setting now. This is my thing that I'm slowly is becoming really clear to me about myself I want to be alone all the time and by alone or with Gabe like or with my family I want to be with my comfort people But for example, I just went on this trip to Costa Rica dream come true. So grateful couldn't do it without you guys Truly I went on a free people brand trip and

my brand since as long as I can remember and I went by myself sometimes on brand trips they let you bring a plus one so I bring my best friend or my mom and I feel very secure you can throw me in a social setting with them and I feel much better because they're my people but with this trip I was going all alone I had only met one of the girls one other time at a random event and I had also met the free people team and I love them so they were kind of comfort people but still I

The anxiety that I faced on the plane, it was something I didn't talk about on TikTok or on Instagram because, I don't know, my audience over there, sometimes people get mean, but I do trust you guys when I tell you this. Like, I was having such bad anxiety that I haven't had since I had to get off the bus in middle school to go to school when I was severely anxious and severely depressed, and it was a horrible feeling.

And obviously, I'm not going to talk about that on TikTok because I was flying to Costa Rica for free. Like, girl, get a grip. But anxiety doesn't... It does not discriminate. It shows up when it shows up. And I was freaking out to get off the plane. Like, I was a four-hour flight. And towards the end of it, this is also...

Usually it takes me three hours to fly to Costa Rica. I had to fly to North Carolina and then to Costa Rica. So it was like seven hours in the air total. And on the second flight, I had been on there for four hours and I was shaking. Meanwhile, they had me in first class. Like this, who, who can even say, I feel even talking about it makes me like, girl, what the heck? But it's just, if you are someone who struggles, I know that your life might be perfect to someone else on the outside, but

but I know what it feels like on the inside. And I hear you and I feel you and trust me, I'm with you. I was shaking. I literally had to take the puke bag. I took it out of the seat in front of me just in case I was gonna need it. And also mind you, I have a fear of puking since I was in kindergarten, I don't puke.

So when I'm nauseous, it adds to the anxiety. And all I could think about was texting my mom and hugging my mom and getting off a plane and going back home and getting in my bed. And I don't know why it was this bad, but it was. And I think that a huge part of it was because I hadn't had to go into a social setting in a very long time like that where it was just me and it was up to me to make small talk and to have conversations and just freak out.

I really do and I I trip on my words and I get these brain farts and I don't know how to spark up a good conversation Until I do and I finally moving on after the anxiety I got there. I went to my room. I took a deep breath I took a shower and I told myself to just pull it together because I'm in on a once-in-a-lifetime trip And i'm not gonna let the anxiety win this time. It really is all mindset but

I go out to our first dinner and before I knew it, I didn't want dinner to end because I was just having so many wonderful conversations with so many wonderful people. And I just tell you this to apply it to your life in any way. Half the time we're afraid of things. We're anxious about things for absolutely no reason because they're going to go wonderfully. And sometimes they don't. And that's okay too. It's not the end of the world. It's just life.

We live, we grow, shit happens, we move on, and we try again. But I'm telling you, don't let, if it is anxiety for your reasoning of being antisocial, at least that's the advice I'm giving because that's how it is for me. But don't let it win, okay? Take control. Grab the freaking handle and go.

You can steer. I'm telling you. I know it's hard, but once you press the gas and once you get moving, it's not so bad. It's the same way when we first start driving that I was too scared to drive 45 miles an hour on military trail, a road over here. Couldn't do it. I cried to my dad. I was like, no, dad, no, I can't. I can't. And now you have to like pay me to slow down on 95 because I love to drive fast. Safely, of course, but it comes with time and it comes with just getting started and moving.

Okay, advice on consistency. I'm going to have to skip that one. Guys, you know, like I truly, maybe I should give advice because it's nice to hear from people just like us. But I have absolutely nothing. If I knew how to be consistent with quite literally anything, I would tell you. I am consistent with eating Nerds gummy clusters, eating Chipotle, hugging my boyfriend, crying once a month. I don't know.

I think that what a lot of people, the advice that people give me is to-do lists and always put every small thing on there because it's satisfying to cross things off. Like you need to brush your teeth or take a shower and you don't trust that you're going to be able to do it. Put it on the to-do list. Like if it's not something you've fully built a habit of yet, sorry, sorry. I'm definitely making you guys yawn. Blame it on not having coffee. Anyways.

If you don't if you don't trust yourself to do it on your own write it down and apparently that helps with being consistent also think about the reward Of the consistency i'm i'm one to always say like no, it's all about the journey not the reward But sometimes if I need to be consistent Damn, right i'm going to think about the reward. I'm going to think about what's at the end. What am I working for? Why am I pushing for this? and

Just slowly train your brain. I recommend the book Atomic Habits. I didn't finish it, but I've heard incredible things. So let's move on because clearly you shouldn't be listening to me on this one. Okay. Oh, I like this one. Feeling the need to fit into, fit into slash be liked by friend groups that aren't even right for you. Truth T. Like, let me tell you, this is very real, extremely real because even I...

Really really love my group of people. I have a very small circle You guys know pretty much everyone in my circle my family my boyfriend my best friend her family That's it. That's how my circle runs and there's nothing I love more than it But I am to my core a people pleaser. You could put me in five different rooms with completely different people and I will likely be

Do my best. I will try to walk out of there liked. And it's an unfortunate thing, something deep-rooted in my core. And I did an episode on people-pleasing probably years ago now. And I should probably go give it a listen because I feel this in a lot of my friendships or newer friendships or getting into new friendships. My only goal is to be liked rather than to evaluate if it is even people that are right for me.

Like when it comes to friends, I think the most important thing to think about and to evaluate is can you learn anything from these people? Can you trust these people? Do the people you're surrounding yourself with make you feel confident and happy and not like you're a burden? Because there are people out there that are going to make you feel like shit about yourself. And it's not always their fault. A lot of times it's projection. I'm sure...

I'm definitely 100% sure that in my lifetime, I've made people feel like shit about themselves because I was insecure. And I think anybody mature enough can recognize that we've all been there once and we've all done it. And it doesn't mean it's something you don't regret. I regret every day that I made anybody feel any kind of way. But it's still human. And hold on. I think somebody's about to knock on my door. I'll be right back. Let me pause.

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Okay, we're back. And the audio probably sounds very different because I just had to relocate to my car. That's one of the fun things about renovating a house is I... There's no... You never really know when someone's showing up to do something. So they're working on the kitchen cabinets right now. And I was talking about friendships and trying to...

Avoid crappy people basically and knowing that at one point we were all crappy people and half the time It's never personal and it's never on purpose and people are just going through things but as a people pleaser I too would try to fit into groups that I knew weren't right for me because Part of me felt like they were maybe cool or right or like for some reason I just wanted to fit into groups because I wanted to be liked and I think that even now I would probably still find myself doing that and

And I think that all of us probably do in the beginning, but I think that once it's clear to you that you are surrounding yourself with people who aren't good for you, the second that you feel someone is personally making sure you don't feel good in a group or making you feel left out, just step back and know that you're worth more than that. And there are people out there and friendships out there that are going to make you feel

Like the coolest girl in the world. Friendships are not supposed to be competitive. They are not supposed to be jealousy. They are supposed to just be supporting one another and loving one another and cheering each other on. And in any friendship,

if that's not the case i think it's important to first have a conversation about it because sometimes people just don't recognize that they're making someone feel that way um and if they make changes and if you make changes that's fine but if they don't and it's intentionally hurting you it's time to move on because you deserve so much better it's time to find people

who naturally want to be around you for being you not people who make you feel bad about being yourself or make you feel weird or cringy when you do something goofy you know I used to think that that was normal that people I was around would like make me feel really dumb for like I don't know doing a dance in the rain or like wanting to jump in a sprinkler like people who made me feel bad about that are not people I needed to be around you know what I'm saying

Next up, I'm going to do one more because it's been a minute. I'm reading. I'm reading. Okay. I like this one. Does everything actually happen for a reason? 110%. I think there are things in life that happen that suck, that don't have a word for word, black and white reason of why they happened. Like when we lose our family members unexpectedly, but

99% of the time there's no reason that's just gonna show up in two weeks and be like, oh, yep That's why my grandpa died. That's why because now I got a car like that's not how it's gonna work Not even a little bit, but I think that the reason of why things happen isn't always An object it isn't always something we can see with our own eyes. It is more so something that we can feel there's a

Lesson or a deeper understanding of life itself like when I lost my grandpa there wasn't a reason But there was definitely a lesson that I chose to view as the reason that's another thing like you can look at life And you can choose to believe that everything doesn't happen for a reason and what kind of mindset is that? Why put yourself through torture and like not give yourself something at the end of it? It's it's better to live

When you give life meaning and when you, when you view things as purposeful and when you have trust and faith that someone, something up there is planning this out and is, is making it happen the way that it does. So when my grandpa passed two weeks down the road, I didn't just have a new car show up in my driveway or anything like that. Found such an appreciation for life and my older brother,

my grandparents and my parents and just a realization that life is not so, so, so long. And if I have an extra time, if I have an extra second in my day to call my grandparents, to text my best friend that I love her, that's what I should spend my time doing. And that's what I should make sure I do because before I know it, that could all be gone when you least expect it. And

It's not a good lesson. It's not a lesson that's like so happy-go-lucky. It's actually really depressing to think about, but it still is something. It is a reminder. It's a reminder, not a reason, a reminder, but I don't know. Moral of the story here is I truly believe and I have complete trust in God that

That I am always in the right place at the right time and the right things are happening to me. And I think that was a mindset I lost for a minute there. But I've really been focusing on rekindling it. And it's proven to just change my way of life. And I know this. And you know this. If you've had a time in your life where you were manifesting, you were writing things on paper, you were saying, I don't chase, I attract. You were doing your affirmations. I bet you felt a little bit better.

Maybe not, but I really do think you did. So come back to that. Go back to that and choose to believe. It's up to you. If you don't believe that everything happens for a reason, things don't happen for a reason. Makes sense. It's up to you. Be in control, okay? I think I'm going to do a part two to this episode next week, so hold on tight for that. I am going to...

Go ahead and cut it there. I'm going to leave it there because there's so many things. I think the last one I saw that I liked was how to be in the now. I like to remind myself and I have this in my Instagram bio and my TikTok written differently, but it is the only moment that exists. You know, the past doesn't exist and the future doesn't. If you really think about it, the only moment we have is right now, the second that you are listening to this and now the second that you are listening to this. Allow yourself to be here.

Allow yourself to embrace it and to enjoy it because in the actual blink of an eye, we're all going to be grown and we're not going to be looking back thinking about how insecure we were about our, the thickness of our eyebrows or that our mustache was growing in a little bit. I promise you that's not what we're going to think about.

We're also probably not going to be thinking about the fact that we have to go into work and it's going to suck today. Or the fact that we are so anxious to get on that Zoom call later. Or the fact that you accidentally ate an extra order of fries at Chick-fil-A last night. Like, first of all, eat the damn fries. Who cares? Second of all, you don't need to think about that. You don't need to think about what you're doing later. I don't have to think about how much crap I have to do after I end this podcast. Because I'm here right now with you guys.

There's absolutely nothing I can do to change that in this moment. So I'm just going to be here. And I also like to think about the fact, what's the, there's a quote. I like it. It's somewhere. It's in my brain. Hold on a second. I'm going to pause. You're stressing about something right now. Not sure if this ties into it the way that I want it to. You're stressing about something right now that's not going to matter in five years. Let it go.

See, it doesn't totally tie in, but I like it. So we're going to leave it on that note. And I love you guys big. I'm going to love you guys for the rest of my life. And I am so grateful for you. And I truly appreciate you listening to me and listening to my not-so-valuable, valuable 23-year-old messy life advice. I...

Feel really grateful for you. And if there's one thing left that I want to share with you to take away is to just focus on your gratitude because the world feels so much different and so much better when we are grateful for everything. When we let go of comparison and we appreciate where we are.

Okay. I love you so much. You're my best friends. Tune in next Monday and we will do more advice. So DM me if you have more questions. I'll try to not answer each one for 10 minutes next time. I love you. Bye.