Answering your questions about my faith journey so buckle up!
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Hello, my beautiful people. Welcome back to the Moments Podcast. I'm your host, Lexi Hidalgo, and I'm a little bit sickly right now, so please ignore my nasally voice. I went to New York this weekend, and while I was in New York, I kind of started feeling a little bit icky, but I thought it was just because I was traveling and it was cold, and I don't know, that's just what happens sometimes when I travel. So I'm going to be a little bit sickly right now, so please ignore my nasally voice.

And then I got home and I still felt this way and I was so upset. But you guys, we're not missing a moment's podcast. We're not slacking. This is not the year of slacking and skipping out on things. Now, let me tell you very briefly why I fell in love with animal rescue and why I think it's the most important, most beautiful thing in the world. I spent a lot of time

and have spent a lot of time doing social media as a career. It's been about four years of consistently posting, sharing, doing my life through a screen, and of course existing in the real world, but the majority of validation that came from my career came through a screen, and the majority of things that I did for my work were through a screen, and I felt a little bit lost at one point in my life, a little bit stuck, like I was just spending too much time

on my phone, even though, you know, that time on my phone was productive. It just made me feel weird and trapped. And I wanted to find a way to go give back to my community. And that's always been my number one goal in social media as well, is finding a way to do good in some way, shape or form. That being said, having validation come through a screen, you get really desensitized to it. So even though I was able to impact people,

Through my social media work, it was not ever physical. There was no part of me that could put my hands on something and genuinely watch something change or something good happen. And I had a friend who kind of noticed that I was feeling that way. And I had been talking to her about how I wanted to do more, but I didn't really know where to start. I started volunteering at a couple different places. My uncle has a really cool nonprofit after school program up in

West Palm Beach, which is like a 40 minute drive for me. And I was doing that every week and it was super awesome, but I just wanted something more and something that I could be more hands on on and just somewhere that I could help. And my friend recommended that I go volunteer at the animal shelter. And that changed everything for me. When I went to the animal shelter, I fell so in love with these animals, dogs that have spent their whole entire life, either abused or in a puppy mill or in a kennel or just in the shelter. And I was like,

are some of the happiest dogs that I've ever gotten the chance to experience. Now, whenever I tell the story, I know that it sounds a little bit like deep, but it's really not that deep. Essentially, these dogs taught me a different level of gratitude because if that's the life they live and they can feel the kind of happiness and show the kind of joy that they do. And yes, that they're dogs, but still. And then it made me realize I can be joyful.

I can be happy. I can be grateful for the life that I have and the freedom that I have and the ability to leave my room and feed myself when I want and just be loved by family and friends and in my relationship. And these dogs don't have that. Yet you would think they had the whole entire world. And it was just a really cool eye-opening experience for me. But it made me really bond and attach to these animals and just really recognize that

There are so many different dogs out there that deserve a chance, that deserve somebody to give them a second chance. There's so many dogs in the shelters that...

are moments away from being euthanized for no reason other than the reason that their owner surrendered them or their owners dumped them. And it's very heartbreaking to see and to know what really goes on behind the scenes in some of these shelters that unfortunately have to be kill shelters. And it's very heartbreaking. So my goal in this lifetime will always be to

volunteer in animal rescue shelters and do what I can for these dogs that can't really speak up for themselves and just spread awareness about rescuing an animal before you buy one you know try to adopt before you shop so many people are quick to just see somebody post like hey

selling these puppies, this, this, and that, and people just buy them. And I don't think that if you don't know what else is out there and if you don't know much about rescue, I would never blame somebody for buying a dog. The only time I have a problem with it is when you know and you haven't tried to adopt first. Some people always say, like, not everybody's ever going to be able to rescue, and I get that, but...

Listen, if anybody's listening to this and you want to, you're looking into getting a dog, try to rescue pretty please. And that's not even what I wanted this episode to be about. I just went down a little spiral and a little ramble. And I've been getting a lot of questions about my faith.

And it's been an episode I've kind of wanted to touch on for quite some time now. And I want to keep this episode pretty bite-sized. One, because my brain is absolutely fried beans. But I'm sticking with you guys. We're not going anywhere. So I want to keep it quick. And I also just want this to hopefully inspire you in some way, shape, or form. Whatever you take away from it.

I hope that is something that you feel, something that you let your body experience, and something that you continue to think about and maybe grow in. And I don't know, if you think that faith isn't for you, I just want to tell you a little bit about my story. And I don't have any kind of crazy testimony yet, but...

I've definitely experienced a lot of things in the last couple of months that have made me just have a different kind of love and a different kind of hope and a different kind of relationship with Jesus. And it's been very, very beautiful to experience. So let me take you a little bit through my childhood. I always went to church. My family went to church on Sundays. I went to the Sunday school. I learned all the stories about Jesus when I was growing up. And I

My family kind of shifted from an every Sunday church kind of family to just a holiday church kind of family. We would go to church on Christmas and maybe Christmas Eve or Easter. But that was really it. And I remember growing up and my dad made me pray every single day before we went to school. We would say, Dear God, dear Jesus, say a prayer and then say, Amen. Love you, God. Love you, Jesus. And I have it so instilled in my heart and so instilled in my mind that I always thought

kept sight of prayer, and I always thought prayer was a beautiful thing, but I didn't really understand it in the way that I do now. So that was kind of my childhood with religion. And as I got a little bit older and open-minded myself, I began to see that there were a whole lot of parts and areas of the church that are kind of nothing like Jesus. You know, when I was younger, I remember being taught that Jesus loved the poor and

He loved everyone. He fought for the marginalized. He fought for people who couldn't fight for themselves. That was the Jesus that I knew growing up. So as I got older and I started to experience and witness some churches that kind of did the complete opposite of that, you know, made people feel like you weren't welcome if you were one way or focused only on money instead of spirit and faith.

So when I started to witness that and experience that, I felt myself feel really pushed away from the church because it's something just didn't ever really feel right with me. And some of the places that I was going and the people that I was talking to about Christianity at that point in my life. And this was kind of a few years ago. And, um,

Even then, I still never really lost sight of God. Because for me, since I always grew up knowing God, there was a part of me that still wanted to believe that He was really good and He was this God that I learned about when I was a kid and that loved everybody and treated everybody equally and with kindness and with love. But at this point, I wasn't reading my Bible. So it's not like I was getting the word from the source. I was simply just watching God

people around me spread their version of the word and their perception of the word. And I honestly never would have thought that I would be one that would be reading my Bible every day, to be completely honest. And it's crazy for me to say now, because that is equivalent to my coffee in the morning. But let me backtrack. I was watching the church just spread this message that didn't feel right. And it pushed me away from God and it pushed me away from the church. But

Somewhere deep down in my heart, I knew that God was really good and God was not this man that the church was, you know, making him out to be or these certain Christians were acting a certain way and it just was like, it can push people away. And I'm sure that a lot of people out there listening to this have dealt with church trauma, who have dealt with experiences in the church that just don't feel very godly. They don't feel very holy. They don't feel like Jesus would have insinuated them or allowed them. You know what I mean?

I also kind of felt pushed away from the church because every time I would get online and like I mentioned earlier, I've been posting on social media for a very long time. Every time I would get online and talk about my experience with church or with Christianity, it was just met with so much criticism and hate.

Just a whole bunch of people saying like oh, you're not a Christian. You're not this you're not that so when people say that enough You're like, okay Maybe I believe it Maybe I don't want to be whatever you guys are because I would never talk to somebody like this or I would never Want somebody to feel like this, right? So I just felt really pushed away from ever speaking about faith especially ever publicly speaking about faith, you know, I kept my relationship with God at that point very minimal and

I kind of would pray when I needed something. I would pray when I wanted something. I would pray when I was feeling sad. And I wasn't at a point where I would pray just gratitude and just pray this love that I have for God. It wasn't like that. It was more like I used him when I needed him versus just having him be integrated into my life. And the difference is crazy. So I

Gabe and I started dating two years ago about, and he was kind of newly walking in his faith too. He grew up Catholic and he, uh,

Was similar, I think went to church on holidays and such, but there was a part of him and somebody that he worked with that had this beautiful, beautiful relationship with Jesus and spoke so highly about his faith and about Jesus. And Gabe was super intrigued by that and super interested. So Gabe started walking in his faith. You know, he got a devotional. He went to church. We started going to church together, but it still didn't really lead into anything crazy. It's been a very slow process.

of getting to know Jesus. And I think that that's why it's been so beautiful. And it's kind of hard to sit here and say, this is my testimony when I haven't had some absolutely life altering experience that is just so visible and surface level. But the reality is it's so much deeper than that. And every testimony is equally as beautiful. And I know that not everybody's testimony is going to be a dramatic change in their life. It's going to be a slow change.

magical change in their life and the way that they see the world and the way that they feel and the way that they treat people. So that's kind of the message that I am wanting to remind you of that, like all of the magic that he has already done.

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Now back to where I was in the story. We start going to church together. We start talking about Jesus a little bit. And I would say Gabe's walk with faith kind of accelerated faster than mine did. And he started reading his Bible. He started wanting to be this man of God. And I didn't really understand like what he meant because I wasn't reading my Bible. I wasn't really getting in the word. I didn't really know too much about Jesus, just that he was some

really cool guy who helps people be better and this and that, and that he loves everybody. That's all I knew. You know, I didn't know that down the line, Jesus could be somebody that you feel like is your friend, who you feel like is your comfort, who is your entire peace, who has control over every single thing that happens to you in your life and just gives you this like genuine hug 24 seven. I just thought he was some big guy in the sky. You know what I'm saying? And

And as Gabe grew this relationship with Jesus, I witnessed him change as a person from the inside out for the better. And Gabe has always been an incredible guy. Let me emphasize that. But the way that I could see him working daily to follow God's commandments and to be a wonderful person from the inside out, to not be envious, to not be prideful, to not be egotistical, to just be

genuinely kind and warm and understanding not just to me in our relationship but to every single person in his life to his parents to his brothers to his clients to his bosses in every single situation I watched this man change in the most incredible way and it wasn't dramatic it was it was slow and it was beautiful because you you kind of got to see that as he got to know Jesus more he became more like Jesus and

And I don't think he'll ever like say that for himself. But to have watched him do it is, I think, my greatest testimony, because it's one thing to feel God do things in your life and to experience God change your life. It's a whole other thing to watch him change the people that you care about most life. It's wonderful. And it makes you see him very clearly. And it's the coolest thing ever.

But as I watched Gabe do that, I realized that that was kind of something that I wanted to do for myself. I wanted to be a better person from the inside out. I wanted to experience this peace that Gabe had over everything that happened to him and over his future. I am somebody who can be very anxious. I overthink a lot of things. I get worried about the future.

And I was kind of just tired of feeling like that. And don't get me wrong, even now with where I'm at in my faith, I still feel that, but differently. It's a lot less scary and it feels a lot less real. It's a lot easier for me to talk myself out of the crazy and recognize that that's just, that's the enemy coming in. I don't need that. So I started reading my Bible alongside Gabe. I ordered one and I just started reading it, but I didn't really know what the heck I was reading it. I was just reading it because Gabe was reading it. And

As I was just reading it because Gabe was reading it, you eventually start to understand what you're reading and it starts to open your mind and you start to feel very inspired. And I think that the Bible is very intimidating for a lot of people because we're

It can be hard to read. It's a little bit tough reading comprehension. I read the NIV version and I really like it. It's pretty graspable once you get used to it. That being said, in the beginning, it was very difficult. But the more that I poured into reading it, the more I could understand it. And now...

Certain chapters, certain books are much harder to read, but for the most part, it's like reading a story. It's like a bedtime story or a morning story that just leads you to feel peaceful and inspired for what the day will bring and

If it's something that you're interested in doing, I recommend starting in the New Testament, reading Matthew or Mark or Luke or John. Any of those are great places to start because that is the story of Jesus. And alongside reading the story of Jesus, I encourage you to watch a show on, I don't think it's on Netflix, I'm not sure what it's on, called The Chosen. But The Chosen very beautifully depicts the story of the Bible and the story of Jesus.

in a way that makes it so much easier to read the Bible. And I have to say that watching that show is what made me feel like what I was reading was real because I spent a lot of time reading the Bible and hearing these stories and thinking these things, but there was a part of me that was still filled with so much doubt. Like I was just so confused on how any of this could be real because the stories you read are so mind blowing. But I

Watching The Chosen kind of changed that for me. And if you're in any kind of position where you're doubting your faith, like you want to believe it, but you still doubt it, I really encourage you to watch The Chosen because that was a huge factor for me in just really strengthening my faith. I think another thing that started happening throughout that time that strengthened my faith was that

Gabe and I got really consistent with going to church. We wouldn't skip church to watch it online. We wouldn't skip church to clean the house or this or that. We also started going to Bible study and finding a church group was really cool. And I do have to say the first few times I went to Bible study, I left there and I was like, what are we even talking about? Like, this is kind of nonsense. And I find it very important to be honest about those first experiences because I think that they're part of my testimony. And I think that they're a very common experience for people and

Like I would listen to worship, which is like the music before church or Gabe would play worship music because he loves worship music. And I would just be like, what is the point of listening to this? I'm not getting it. And I just kind of forced myself to sit into it, to sink into it, to try to be hopeful about it. And let me tell you, that was God working in me for a reason, because going to Bible study led me to.

speak and engage with a community that was so lit for Jesus, that was so on fire for Christ, that it just radiates off of them. Like they're so on fire that you touch them and you're lit on fire. Do you know what I mean? And these are people who genuinely act like Jesus. They are kind to everybody. They love

talk and speak with such a posture of joy and happiness that is undescribable. And I found that to be very inspiring. And it made me only want to strengthen my faith and get to know Jesus better. Because the reality is, the stronger that our faith is, the more that Jesus will

trust you with his presence and the more that he will live in you and live through you but if you're doubting him he's not going to take his time to pour into you even though he is constantly pouring into us no matter where we're at with our faith but the stronger we are in our faith the more that he will give you and the more that he will trust you with and it's very cool

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But back to where I'm at in the story, we start going to Bible study. I continue to read my Bible and I couldn't even pinpoint to you where something happened to me that it all just kind of switched. And all of the doubt that I had about faith, about Jesus, just kind of dissipated and disintegrated.

So I think it's simply because I continued pouring into it and I didn't give up on wanting to grow that faith. There's a reason it was difficult and that reason might not be one that we understand right away. But I think that it's difficult for us in the beginning because if we just had blind faith right from the start, that faith wouldn't be strong. It would be a lot more breakable and a lot more shakable, if that makes sense. But when you've doubted it and you've questioned it and then you get to a point where you fully trust and believe it, it's a lot more unshakable.

and a lot more unbreakable. And I am just so grateful to be at the point where I'm at right now. And I encourage everybody to know and recognize that Jesus loves you, that God loves you, that God is in control of your life and he can bring you peace and comfort and he can teach you

how to be a better person from the inside out. He can teach you how to feel better from the inside out. And I don't say all this to make you feel like I don't struggle anymore because I still struggle with my mental health. Anybody who's listening to this podcast for long enough knows that I've struggled with anxiety. I've struggled with depression. I've struggled with like overthinking and social anxiety and all sorts of things that go down a very long list. And

I think that I physically still experience those things, but mentally I have so much peace from God that I am handcrafted to be this way for whatever reason that I am, that it just helps me in these moments.

It helps me recognize and understand that, hey, maybe God has made me feel this way because somebody else out there will feel this way. And if I feel this way, I can explain to them how this will pass or so and so and so forth. I like to view my weaknesses as strengths because they can help somebody else eventually view their weaknesses as strengths down the line. You know, it's a beautiful cycle.

But it really is all about your mindset and your trust and the decision to trust in God. It's very easy to act like we trust in God and we have faith in God, but then like turn around and just not really have it, like not deeply have it. And I want to tell you guys a really cool story that happened.

I kind of read in the Bible and then connected to my real life on my own. And I think that's why it just felt so meaningful to me. And to some people, this might be very surface level, but for me, it felt pretty deep. It cut deep for me. I forget what I was reading. I was in the New Testament and it was the story of Jesus. And Jesus went to his hometown. This was at the time that...

I'm trying to figure out how to outlay the story in the right way that makes you understand the point. So Jesus did a whole lot of miracles in his lifetime. He brought people back from the dead. He healed people who couldn't walk. He was just like an absolutely incredible, incredible man that was doing miracles left and right. And he did the most incredible miracles on people because these people had faith because they believed in him. He could not work alone.

If their faith was not strong. And I never really knew that. And it wasn't until I read the part in the story where Jesus goes back to his hometown and he physically cannot do miracles there because the people of his hometown had such little faith in him.

So what I took away from that, and when I originally dissected this story, it was there was a lot more layers to it in my mind. But to give you it on the surface, God cannot work in you if you do not have faith in him. If you sit there and doubt him and who he is and what he's capable of and what control he has,

You're blocking him. You are blocking him from actually coming in your life and doing those things. It is not until we have complete faith in him that he can work in us the way that he wants to work in us.

We need to have trust in him if we want him to have trust in us. Do you get me? And I just thought that was a cool little thing because for me personally, when I'm super anxious or I'm having a really bad day, I'll pray and I'll be like, oh God, like I trust that you can make me feel better and I have faith in you. But there was always a part of me that didn't actually have that faith. And I realized that I have to work alongside God, you know? Yes, he can do miracles and he can do anything, but

But he can do so much more when you choose to have an unwavering, unshakable faith in him. And that's kind of my thought of the day. And I just wanted to kind of share with you how my walk with faith has gone. And now...

I read my Bible every single morning and let me tell you guys, it's the most beautiful thing. It's, there's no better way to start your day. Even if you can't fully comprehend what you're reading, take five minutes out of your morning to just read while you drink your coffee or to do it before bed. But at some point in your day, make time for God because the more time that you make for him, the more that he will want to pour love into your life and continue to bless you. Even though

Every single day that we have on this earth is a blessing in itself, truly. But just don't be afraid of faith, okay? Don't let your past trauma from the churches stop you from getting to know Jesus because getting to know Jesus on your own is very different than getting to know the perception of him through a church. And I believe that your personal relationship with God should always come before your personal relationship with a church, right?

It took me a very long time to find a church where I felt that Jesus was actually working in. And I don't think you should ever be afraid of not staying somewhere where it doesn't feel right because the spirit will only ever bring you peace. And if you walk in somewhere and you're full of doubt, maybe that's a sign. Maybe it's not, but take it as one. I strongly believe that. And just give yourself time to find community. And don't be afraid to just...

Talk about Jesus. You know, you don't have to make every single bit of your livelihood about him, but...

know that he is part of all of it, you know, and that he is the reason that it's there and just give him the glory and just watch what he can do in your life and watch the person that he can make you and learn the way that he loves people and the person that he was from the inside out. You can be just like that too. The Bible says the more we get to know Jesus, the more we become just like him. And I find that to be very beautiful and very, very, very inspiring. And I

We live in a day and age where Christianity is very different than what I think it should look like. And we just have to be good people and continue to learn who Jesus was and be like that. But do it on your own terms, not on the terms that other people say.

Get to know it for yourself, because when you just learn about the word of God from other people, you're learning about their perception of the word of God. Sometimes the enemy has a really good in and can just like morph people's minds into believing things that aren't true and like knowing, viewing Jesus like differently than he was and prioritizing money and wealth over protecting the poor and the marginalized and

communities and it's sad that that's like kind of where things are at but again I'm not getting into this I could do another episode talking I don't know politics and religion and this and that and I probably won't ever make one like that but if you've followed me along for long enough you know where my heart stands with that and with everything and just know God on your own and then make decisions for yourself after you've done the research yourself and you've gotten the word

Okay, I love you guys so much. God is good. He is beautiful. He has all the glory. Everything I've been able to do is because of him and because of you guys. And I truly love you. And just a lot of people have been asking for me to talk a little bit more about my faith. And I kept wanting to wait.

until I felt like I had a better faith routine, you know? Or I don't know, just till I could talk about it better and more clear. But I think this is the beauty of growing your faith is that like sharing the steps along the way hopefully can be inspiring to somebody else who's kind of in the same boat. So I hope there's something you took away from that. And if you took away nothing from that,

I just hope that I could have planted a seed in you and that Jesus can continue to work in your heart. And I love you guys so very much. Have the most beautiful blessed day ever.

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