How (you and) your partner should make you FEEL
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Hello, my beautiful people. Welcome back to the moments podcast. So excited to be back. I had this spark of inspiration now

I know you guys have heard me say this a gazillion times, but Meredith, my best friend is flying and she's my long distance best friend. If you guys don't know, she lives in Michigan, but she's coming here in May and I want to have both my guest room and the podcast room slash studio done for her by the time that she gets here. And also backstory on that. If you guys don't know, I moved into a new house a couple of months ago and I

It was essentially livable, but it turned into kind of a house flipping home reno project more than we intended it to. Therefore, I haven't had a proper studio to record in, so I've been recording in my room. I don't have proper mics, not like I ever have, but...

Welcome back to the moments podcast. I'm inspired because this week we're focusing on getting that room done. I ordered new mics. I'm picking what wallpaper we're putting in the room and I'm filming the podcast again and we're just moving forward and I'm recognizing that

How much I really do love this podcast. And that's not to say I haven't recognized that in the past, but it's more so to say I'm just excited and hopeful. And I think that's how we all should be with all of our projects and endeavors. You should constantly stay excited.

excited for the future of it. And that's one thing I'm remembering focusing on anyways. Today's episode is going to be probably something we've talked about in different ways, different conversations around it. But one thing that I always say is that we have to hear things a gazillion times before they actually stick. And I think this is an important one. I don't know really how I got the idea or when it came to me, but I want this to be an episode on how your partner should make you feel.

Not things your partner should do not what your relationship should look like not If your partner's not doing this you guys need to break up because I believe there's way too much emphasis On things that your partner should do for you or things that you should do for your partner And we tend to forget that each relationship is two completely different individuals every relationship is going to look different and

You know in your heart that you can't compare yourself to another individual because you're both different. Like we've talked about, your morning routine isn't going to work for somebody else's morning routine. You know, it's going to leave one of you feeling fulfilled and ready to go and take on the day and another one feeling exhausted and horrible. The same way that you can't compare your relationship and even more so because it takes two individuals.

in two completely different scenarios, two completely different stages of life and put them together. We cannot compare our relationships to others. And I think this is also an episode you can listen to if you're not in a relationship because it's very important to pay attention to these things when you are just getting to know somebody. I'm going to be talking a lot about my boyfriend, but I am applying this to your partner, your romantic relationships with anyone and any who it may be.

This applies to everyone. And this also goes both ways. I'm going to be telling you how your partner should make you feel. And as we go through that, also recognize this is how you should be showing up for your partner. And like, this is how you should be making them feel. Not what you should be doing for them. I'm hoping that that emphasis is clear because it is important. And also noticing that we all give love and receive love differently.

Beyond the fact that there's five different love languages, if my boyfriend were to buy me expensive gifts all the time, that's not something that would make me feel love. But in a different relationship, that might be what makes someone feel loved. So all of these are just going to be kind of examples and conversations and feelings that you should feel in whatever way possible.

somebody can make you feel that way is how your partner should be doing it and how you should be doing it for them. Okay. I wrote down just a list of words, and these are all probably going to sound very common and very cliche. And you're going to be like, Lexi, well, obviously you're

But oftentimes, and I think in this generation, especially, we just totally disregard that these feelings are things that we deserve to feel. And this is quite honestly, the bare minimum, like the bars on the floor. And I'm going to tell you these and you're going to be like, well, yeah, isn't that common sense? But in a lot of relationships, it's not. In a lot of relationships, we really settle and we really allow ourselves to be walked all over and our needs not be met.

And again, this goes both ways. Maybe there's relationships that you're in where you're not helping your partner feel these things or meet these needs. So while some of these might sound like the bare minimum, sometimes we need to go over the basics. Before we can be a professional, we have to relearn the addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division. You feel me? Okay. First one, really obvious here, respected.

Your partner should make you feel respected in every single way possible. You should feel respected, whether that's in the bedroom, whether that's in public, whether that's around people, you should not feel the need to beg for somebody's respect ever. Therefore, if there's somebody who you are, um,

worried about in the relationship if you're with somebody new and they have an ex right and you have kind of mentioned that you don't feel comfortable with your partner following this person I think that if there's any any hint or any questions of well I don't need to unfollow her I knew her she's my friend those kind of things I think that you should not need to beg for somebody to do something like that for you now I know that every situation is different there are moments where

this is an old friend or this is somebody that your partner should be able to follow. And it's more of your own issues that are making you want your partner to unfollow this person, you know, your insecurity. But in a situation like that, where we're talking about ex-relationships, especially long-term ones, relationships where this partner said, I love you to this other person, I am somebody, and maybe that's a hot take. I don't think it is. I think that it should be no question for your partner to

not need to follow that person. But if that's not something that bothers you, that's not how you're going to feel respected. You know, you might feel respected if you don't want to do anything, you know, in bed that night or sexually or whatever it is, your partner should respect that. It should not be a further conversation. No means no simple is that, but respect is not a feeling you should have to beg for. None of these feelings are feelings that you should have to beg for. They should be given to you.

from the get-go. Now, I also want to kind of backtrack here. And this is something I've mentioned many times on the podcast, your partner, this relationship might be new for them. This relationship might be new for you. So the most important thing around all of these feelings is communication and conversations. Your partner might not know any better in the beginning of your relationship, how to make you feel these things.

It is up to you to be open and to communicate what it is you're looking for. I think that oftentimes people will comment on my videos like, how does Gabe just know how to do all of this? How does he do this all for you? And don't get me wrong. A lot of the things that my boyfriend does for me, I don't ever ask him for.

But I will say that early on in our relationship, we had conversations about what makes us feel certain ways, what makes us feel loved, how can we show up for each other? And there's ways that he shows up for me that he would have never known makes me feel respected, beautiful, heard, seen, comforted, had I not told him. We have to openly communicate because one of my favorite quotes, you've heard me say it a gazillion times, is that you cannot expect what you don't clearly communicate. The thing here is,

is that you shouldn't have to tell someone multiple times how to make you feel these things. If you're with the right partner, they should listen from the get-go. You get me? Somebody that is the right person for you is going to hear you from the first time that you ask for something. Maybe a couple times. We also have to recognize that we are not only thinking about this other person, we're most of the time thinking about ourselves.

regardless of whether we realize it or not, we are all kind of selfish people. So sometimes you need to tell somebody a couple of times, but I'm talking maybe twice maximum to tell somebody that you want this to feel this way. And if they don't respect that and show up for you in that way, tells you what you need to know. Okay. Think long-term here when you're with somebody, at least for me,

I've never been one to want to date somebody that I didn't see a very long-term future with. And when I say a very long-term future with, I'm not going to date somebody that I couldn't see myself marrying because for me, what was the point? What is the point of that? So if you are in the same boat and you date for similar reasons, these are very important things to think about long-term. If somebody doesn't want to listen to you and meet your needs now, so early on,

People can change. Yes, but they don't tend to just think about that. One thing that I like to ask myself all the time is, is this how my future husband would act? And I've been so blessed, so blessed to have a Gabe Garcia in my life where this boy is genuinely perfect, like one of a kind. I don't know how he fell from the heavens, but ask yourself that when you're with somebody.

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Quick little intermission, you guys. We all know how important it is to prioritize the right things in our life. And maybe for you, that's prioritizing doing leg day at the gym or making sure you go for your hot girl walk. But how often are you prioritizing your mental health and making sure that therapy is a part of your weekly routine? If it's something that you've been open to, if it's something that you've been considering, I highly recommend BetterHelp. And thank you so much to BetterHelp for sponsoring this episode. And I'll see you in the next one.

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Partner should make you feel beautiful. And whether you are somebody who is words of affirmation makes you feel loved, your partner should tell you that you look beautiful. They should remind you and you shouldn't ever have to ask a lot of this again. Like I keep saying, you don't have to ask for these things. Your partner should make you feel beautiful through their words. Naturally, you should feel it. And I keep saying feel it, but it's true.

The right person, you're not going to question whether or not you're beautiful in their eyes, whether they see your beauty from the inside out, the outside in, however it may be. You won't question it if you're feeling it.

Does that make sense? I hope so. And maybe it's not words. Maybe it's the way that they touch you that makes you feel beautiful, which is also completely valid. Physical touch is a love language like no other. And I was never one to be on board with physical touch. It was always my bottom of my love languages. I...

hated it. I hated physical touch. I didn't like hugging people. None of that. Now that I've been in love, true love, physical touch is huge for me. And physical touch doesn't mean just sexual things whatsoever. Physical touch is somebody holding your hand at the restaurant or putting their arm around you. And they could tell you're nervous or when you're in a group of people, or when you're in a group of people, giving you a kiss on the cheek and showing you that you are theirs and they are yours.

That's physical touch for me. And those are very important reminders. When I am out in public, I want my boyfriend to make me feel beautiful by doing things like that. You know, I want to be shown off and I want to be loved out loud. And not everybody's like that. Some people hate PDA, which completely valid. This is why you can't compare relationships, you know, but your partner should always make you feel beautiful. Okay. The next one is empowered.

Your partner should make you feel like you want to take on the world. Your partner should make you feel lifted up. They should encourage your dreams and your goals. And I think it's really important for you to recognize that it is important for you to feel like you can still be your own individual, your own successful, empowered person.

motivated individual without your dreams feeling crushed and destroyed. If your partner is leaving you feeling like the world revolves around their success rather than yours, it's something to evaluate. It's something to think about. Your partner should want the best for you the same way that you should want the best for your partner. Because if you both grow individually and you find your success individually, you will be so much stronger together.

And I'll be so open and honest. This is something that Gabe and I have had conversations about because I get super caught up in my own business and travels and what I want to do and where I want to go. And I loop him very much into my life and my success that we've had conversations where I've had to recognize that I'm not necessarily holding him back by any means, but not giving him the love and support that he deserves in his future endeavors as well.

And ever since we had that conversation and he communicated those feelings to me, it's been up to me to make sure that he feels that same support from me that he gives to me. You get me?

And those are conversations that have to happen. You have to be able to have those conversations or you will not move forward with somebody. When you're in a relationship with somebody and you want it to be long lasting, you have to be wrong sometimes. And I think that we get really in our head and we are all pretty stubborn sometimes.

We got to be wrong sometimes. You got to know that you have room to improve and grow the same way that your partner probably does, especially if you're coming as two unique individuals and you're morphing into one and you're building a life together. There's going to be differences. There's going to be issues. There's going to be struggles. You have to be willing to have the conversations and meet each other in the middle. And that's a hard thing to do.

I know it is, but it's worth it when you love somebody and you want a future together and you see a beautiful life growing together. All of those conversations and changes and compromises that you make are worth it more than anything else. Now I'm getting carried away. You guys should empower each other. You should feel next is like a priority. You should not question or beg

whether this person sees you as a priority in their life. Now, that being said, this person shouldn't be disregarding their work or spending no time with their family and making you the only thing that their life revolves around. I don't suggest that, but I suggest that if this is your person, they're going to always make you feel wanted, a part of things, involved in their life, in their activities, with their friends,

You should feel like you are a priority. You should feel in your body, heart, mind, soul, all of it that this person wants you around. I don't know if anybody's listening to the new Taylor Swift album as much as I am not to get the Swifties all riled up. I am a Swifty also getting myself riled up wanting to listen to it right now, but I

We don't want to make ourselves go through what our queen had to go through. And if you don't know, very long story short, Taylor was with somebody for six years and she felt she was begging for his love constantly. She didn't even know if he wanted her around or if he wanted to be with her ever. And that is a question that you should not put yourself through. And I understand that love is a drug and it is powerful love.

But your love and respect for yourself has to be stronger than your love for your partner when the situation calls for that. Anyways, you should feel like a priority. You should feel like you are number one in this man, this woman, whoever. You should feel like you're number one in their life. And maybe not number one, maybe tied at number one with their family and their work and their success. But you need to feel up there. You should not feel like you are on the bottom or you are the second choice for this person.

Again, ask yourself, would your husband, would your wife make you feel like that? Would you want your husband or wife to make you feel like that? I don't think so. And I think while we're on this conversation, you need to have the realization that you are valuable. You are deserving. So many people stay in relationships.

where they are treated poorly because their partner convinces them that they are not deserving of anything better, that they are the best this person's, the best that you are going to get. That's not the case. Stand on business. Okay. Recognize your value. Recognize what you bring to the table. Recognize that you bring love and comfort and joy to somebody, and they should bring you that exact same feeling. And if they don't, there's somebody who will.

End of story, end of conversation. There's somebody who's going to respect you, love you, value you, make you feel all of these things I'm about to go over. Next one, your partner should make you feel understood. Big one on understood. Okay. Understood can also kind of go in the same bracket as heard and seen, which is another thing I'll get to. But for the most part, when I say your partner makes you feel understood, your partner should work to hear you.

Especially if you're in a heterosexual relationship, the male brain and the female brain work completely different. We're also on completely different sets of hormones. Therefore, I know I can be crazy. I can be an absolute menace to be around. I am a bitch once in a while. And usually it's not by my own doing. Does that, you know, make it okay? No, but I

Gabe, my boyfriend, always goes out of his way to try to see why I'm acting the way that I am. Sometimes it's just because I am being a bitch. Like, let's be real. We're humans. But other times it's because I physically feel like the world is caving in on me because what my hormones are doing to my brain, which is why it's making me feel. And he's like, dude, it's just another beautiful day. Like, why are you going through all of this? And instead of meeting me with like, get over it. You're fine.

Get over yourself, like pull it together. He meets me with, how can I help you? What do you need to talk about? How can we get through this? Let's have a dance party. I'm going to get on the table and put on a show and distract you from what it is that you're feeling. And we're going to make this a good day. He goes out of his way to really hear me and to meet me where I need to be met. And I will always make it my goal to do the exact same for him.

The right person isn't going to make you crazy, make you feel like you're crazy for having feelings. And I think that if your partner does make you feel crazy, even if your thoughts are crazy, that's not the right person because we are going to go through a lot in our life. We are going to struggle. We are going to have moments where we're a lot mentally weaker than we are at other points.

Life comes with that. It's something that we accept. And most important thing is that your partner is going to hold you through those shakes and is going to be there for you at your lows, at your highs and everywhere in between. And I think it goes to show a lot of your partners willing to be with you through those kind of things if they make you feel understood in your everyday life.

That's not to say you're not going to disagree. There's times where I am being crazy and Gabe tries to be there for me, but he's like, okay, you're crazy is outweighing how much I can understand you right now, if that makes sense. And we argue like humans, but then we come to a meeting once we let things pass and we let things air out. And then we kind of go deeper into why we were acting the way that we were. And we both apologize and we move forward. And with those apologies, we understand each other.

And we accept them. We don't hold grudges. We don't hold on to things if there's no need to.

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When I'm struggling with my mental health, I've opened up a lot on here about what my mental health struggles can look like. I will go through these moments where it feels like the world's caving in on me. Everything makes me cry. I get super unmotivated. And I think it's a combination of my anxiety, my ADHD, my anxious thoughts in my relationship, my overthinking. There's so many factors that play a role in my mental health.

And Gabe doesn't have those same struggles whatsoever. He's a dude. He's got a hormone cycle that works and flows pretty great. He has anxiety once in a while, but I definitely feel my mental illness shows more in my day-to-day life. And this man will just hold me, hold me through everything that I'm going through and never makes me feel as though I'm a burden. Even when I know that I am a burden,

He won't make me feel that way. Your partner should comfort you no matter the situation. The next one, heard and seen. This again, similar to understood, comforted. These are all very much can go under the same umbrella. But when I say heard and seen, I want to reference back to when I was talking about you have to communicate things if you want them and you can't expect things of your partner if you've never told them that you want this or that you need this.

When I say heard and seen, this is what I'm emphasizing. Your partner is going to make those changes for you. If you, I'm going to give a very random example here. If you are somebody who had some trauma from texting and driving, like maybe you had a partner get in an accident texting and driving, you had a sibling get in an accident. I don't know what it may be.

But you've told your partner, hey, I really don't feel comfortable with you texting while I'm in the car or even when I'm not in the car because I love you and I don't want anything to happen to you. And blah, blah, blah happened years ago. And it still triggers me a little bit. That person, that partner should see that and hear that and be like, oh, I'm done and never pick up his phone again in the car, her phone again, whatever it is.

That's what I mean when I say heard and seen. They should notice the little things about you and they should notice things without you having to tell them. And this isn't going to happen early on in your relationship. Like maybe it will. They'll remember what your sushi order is, what your Chipotle order is. But the longer you are together, the more your person should be able to finish your sentences or understand your thoughts. And you should feel that they are making an effort to do so.

You should feel your partner is making an effort to appreciate the things that you appreciate, regardless if it's something that they've ever cared about or not. For example, my boyfriend loves Star Wars. I hated Star Wars. Now I've seen nine movies and I actually love it because he does. And I will always go out of my way to make sure that I love what my partner loves. And he does the same for me. And that is very important.

You have to hear each other and you have to see each other down to the little things. The next one, your partner should make you feel happy. Like overall, if you are with somebody who makes you feel sad or depressed or angry or irritable, that's something to think about. That is really something to think about. If more often than not, you're not feeling happy around your partner or with your partner,

It's a conversation to open up. Maybe you talk about it. Maybe you work to change some things together. You rearrange your schedules a little bit. You make more time to talk about your day. You make more time to go on dates. You stop arguing about the stupid little things. You should feel happy overall. That's not to say you're not going to have brutal arguments. You're not going to be happy in every second of your relationship, especially if it's real. And I know that for, I'd say, um,

The first seven months of Gabe and I dating, like all I felt was happy. We never fought or anything. And honestly, I appreciate our relationship and I love our relationship. And I feel so much more confident in our relationship now than I ever have because we can fight and we're not happy 24 seven, but for the most part and for overall, we could not be happier at every second that we get to be together.

Your partner should make you feel happy. Your partner should make you feel hopeful for the future. This is the next one. If you're with somebody and thinking about your future with them and thinking about growing old with them and thinking about raising a kid with them, you know, different conversations. If you're younger, like if you are in high school and you're listening to this, if you aren't thinking of going to college with this person or like doing long distance and working it out with this person, if you aren't,

seeing a post-college, post-grad life with this person, regardless of how much you guys are going to change, this is another really important thing. And I just watched a TikTok talking about it. Throughout your relationship, each of you individually are going to go through a gazillion different lives. You are going to completely change as people, whether that's because of the situations that life hands you or because of what you're going through mentally or

You are going to change a lot as a person. Your partner is going to change a lot as a person, as you grow old together. I mean, think about how much you've changed in the past five years of your life. Now imagine the next 50. You and your partner need to be so committed to each other that you are willing to go through those changes with one another. You're willing to meet each other. You're not being with somebody because you love this version of them.

Your partner should make all versions of you feel loved and you should love all versions of your partners and you should be willing and ready to know that this is going to change over time and you should be excited for that. You should be excited to get to know every version that this life is going to bring you of your partner because it's your partner. The next one and the last one is that your person should make you feel at ease and

I really want to end with this one because I think it is the most important. Now, I want to preface. I'm somebody who is an anxious attachment style person.

lover. I need reassurance more than I'd like to admit. I worry about things more often than I want to. I'm a little bit crazy about certain things because of what my brain can do to my thoughts. I'm like a chronic overthinker and I always kind of think the worst, even though I know that my partner is the greatest person in the whole wide world. So prefacing that, all of that being said,

I still have never felt such peace and ease and confidence in the love that my partner has for me and our relationship. Regardless of all of my crazy thoughts, my boyfriend makes me feel so secure. And I think that if that is something that is missing, that is a key, key, key factor on things that your partner should make you feel. You shouldn't have to be worried about

Your partner shouldn't be texting somebody else constantly. They shouldn't be liking things on the internet that they shouldn't be liking. They shouldn't be watching things that they shouldn't be watching because that's going to make you worry. And you deserve so much more than that. You deserve somebody who makes you feel 100% secure, even if your thoughts are wild. You get me?

That is the most important out of all of the points that I've gone through. Your partner needs to make you feel at ease, needs to make you feel secure, loved 100% like you are the most important thing to this person. And your partner needs to make it clear that they would never do anything to ruin what you've created. And if they do, if you have any hint of your partner doing something shady,

not showing you love the way that you deserve, showing other people love instead of you, you get me, okay? Then evaluate it because there's somebody out there who's going to show that love only to you, the way that it should be, the way that you deserve it.

So I love you. That's all my things. That's all the ways that I think that your partner should make you feel. And I know I went through kind of some things that your partner should do within that, but that's just because those are examples of how my partner makes me feel those things. If that makes sense. I'm really hoping it does. But please send me some DMS of what topics you want to talk about, what conversations you want to have, what ideas you have for the podcast. This is,

Podcast is just as much your baby as it is mine because you guys keep me going. You're my fuel. This is our community. It is the most wonderful place ever. And I'm so grateful that you listen and tune in every week. And even if you don't, thank you for tuning in just this once, but come back next week if you want. I.

Really do love you guys. And if you don't know, I published a journal about two weeks ago now. It's a guided journal with prompts for anybody who's never journaled before or who journals every single day. There's something in there for everybody. And along with the prompts, there's also an affirmation and a little piece of inspo and motivation for after you've written your prompt. And it's available at Barnes & Noble, Target. It's called The Moments Journal. There's a link in my bio. I'll put one in the description. And there's also...

You can just Google it on Amazon or anything of those sorts. And I think you're really going to love it. I encourage everybody to get it. It means the world to me. And I love you guys with all my heart. I will talk to you next Monday. Bye.