Ep. 01.5 - The Kindness of Strangers
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Hi guys, it's Nora. If you like what we've done here on Terrible Thanks for Asking, you might want to check out our YouTube channel. We have two new videos going up every week over at youtube.com slash at feelings A-N-D co. That's feelings and co. There's a link to it in our show description. So see you over on YouTube if that's what you're into. What a sales gal I am. Um, how are you?

Most of us say fine or good, but obviously it's not always fine, and sometimes it's not even that good. This is a podcast that gives people the space to be honest about how they really feel. It's a place to talk about life, the good, the bad, the awkward, the complicated. I'm Nora McInerney, and this is Thanks for Asking. We are living in what I would gently call trying times.

I talked to somebody the other day who doesn't live in America and he said, you know what? You guys are going through something right now. It was the nicest way you could have put it. You know what? You guys are really just going through something. We really are going through something. I think we can all feel it no matter who you are. It feels like things are incredibly divided. It feels like the social fabric is like three little threads left. And I think that is

I'm not trying to minimize any of that. I feel it. I feel like a collective anxiety on top of my own anxiety. It's like a little anxiety croissant has a layer. I don't know. What's a layered food? A lasagna is a layered food. Let's start over. Oh, God.

So a few years ago, I was really struggling, just really struggling, just in general, in general struggling. And I got an assignment from my therapist. They asked me to write down just one

okay thing, one little thing about my day that went okay. It didn't have to be perfect. It didn't have to be something big. It didn't have to be something splashy. I started doing that. Then we turned that into a daily podcast. We made that daily podcast for over 400 episodes, almost three years, quite a long time. Then we stopped making it, but I still have a lot of okay things

in the world. There is still a lot of okay. That podcast was a group project to try to tune ourselves towards the thing in this world that are still good, that are still okay. Now, this is an episode of Okay Things. This is a collection of okay things. This is a group project. I had asked

many, many months ago for people to tell me the nicest thing a stranger had ever done for them. And today we're going to hear them. I'm Nora McInerney. I'm an author. I'm a podcaster. And today it's going to be okay. I'm Nora McInerney and believe it or not, and you might not, it's going to be okay. Notice I didn't say everything.

Not everything's going to be okay, but something in this world is going to be okay. And today we're going to find it together. Ooh, I got a text. Post-college, I had a job interview 30 minutes from where I was living.

It was a downtown area, so I parked in a parking garage and walked to my interview. Afterwards, I walked back to my car and went to pay for my parking at a kiosk. No wallet. No money of any kind on my person except for my GD checkbook. And this was about seven years ago, so no Apple Pay. Also, no parking garage attendant on duty. I began to panic. My parents and sister were on vacation. My brother lived out of town. I didn't have a partner or any close friends at the time that I could call on to bail me out.

I was on the verge of walking to the nearest bank, showing my checkbook and ID, and asking if I could somehow take out a few dollars. Then I saw a guy around my age at another kiosk ready to pay for his own parking. I was dressed nice for my interview, so I put on my best damsel in distress face and asked the guy if he had a couple dollars on him. He was so nice and cheerful and without hesitation gave me the cash to pay for my parking, more than enough, so that I could get my car out of the garage. I hope that guy is doing well.

I hope he is too. There's nothing that strikes fear into my chest like getting to a checkout experience. Parking garage is definitely one of them. And realizing, did I bring money? Did I bring any way to pay? The number of times I've invited somebody to lunch, Nancy Lyons, my sister's best friend slash former boss slash mentor slash my mentor, lunches on you. And Nancy, for that, I am sorry. Okay.

When I was 18, on my way to work, my car broke down on a busy highway in my little beach town. A woman who was staying at a condo right nearby called AAA, told them I was her niece, added me to her benefits, then had my car towed for free to my mechanic. And while we waited three hours for AAA, I went and sat in her condo with the sweet lady and her family, and she fed me donuts. That's perfect.

My child fell and hurt their lip in an airport. Another woman's teenage boy ran to the store to pick out a plush toy to try to help calm the kiddo, and it worked. I believe in the sweetness of boys. I believe in the sweetness of teenage boys. I believe in the sweetness of men. It is in there. Let them express it. That is so sweet. It helped us get him seen by airport EMT, and all was okay. They ended up in the seats next to us on the plane, and my older kiddo drew them a pic. That's so sweet.

Ooh, this one's gonna make you cry, sorry. A woman I have never met and will never meet agreed to switch induction dates with me so I could give birth to my son early enough that we would be with my mother-in-law when she passed away from brain cancer. Being with her while she passed was one of the most meaningful things I've ever done, and I hope that woman out there knows how much it meant to me and my family.

Oh, the circle of life. The circle of life will get you. I mean that literally. And I also just mean like any story you tell me about like birth and death, I'm gonna... Okay. This is a long one. This is a long one. I love the long ones. This story is about NYC, baby. I'll start by saying I'm having a really bad day. So I'm doing something I never would and writing to a public facing person because all this bad day energy needs to go somewhere. Bring it to me.

Plus, reflecting on the kindness of strangers in a day filled with less kind strangers is a good mental health exercise, and I appreciate the prompt. You know what they say about New Yorkers, right? Kind, but not that nice. As a New Yorker, I've seen that a lot. Fellow New Yorkers helping subway passengers carry baby strollers downstairs without so much as a smile, giving gruff but very accurate, unprompted directions to confuse tourists.

That's kindness, even if it is a little rough around the edges. Anyway, last year, after a long day in court, at the time I was a public defender doing psychiatric civil commitment defense, I was lounging at home when my cell phone rang. It was a number I didn't recognize. I guess I was feeling a little unhinged because I did the unthinkable and answered a number I did not know. The voice on the other line asked to speak to, insert my name here.

then told me that his son had found a wallet on the subway steps and brought it home. The caller and his young son then went back to the station and gave my wallet to the MTA attendant. Then he embarked on a fact-finding mission and using my name, gleaned from my driver's license and said wallet, the caller looked me up online, found a series of phone numbers and tried them all, narrowing his search to the numbers with NYC and greater NYC metropolitan area codes until he got the right person.

Anyway, he told me that my wallet had been turned in to the MTA attendant about half an hour earlier. I quickly ran down the streets to the station, and after answering a series of are-you-the-right-person trivia questions, the attendant returned my wallet to me. She was as shocked as I was that I was able to retrieve it because of the kindness of a stranger who essentially performed administrative gymnastics trying to track me down. I think about that a lot."

That's beautiful.

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Hi guys, it's Nora. If you like what we've done here on Terrible Things for Asking, you might want to check out our YouTube channel. We have two new videos going up every week over at youtube.com slash at feelings and co. That's feelings and co. There's a link to it in our show description. So see over on YouTube if that's what you're into. What a sales gal I am.

So many long texts. You guys are really like testing my glasses and testing my ability to read out loud, which is not great. So thank you for the challenge. I am really getting a lot of good practice in here. Hi, I'm Taylor from Columbus, Ohio. And the nicest thing a stranger has ever done for me is this.

When I was 22, a huge pickup truck hit my tiny car as I made a left turn and I spun across a busy intersection. I was okay and so were the people in the truck, but it was really scary. I'd never been in an accident before and my car was clearly totaled. Alone and paralyzed with shock, a crowd of cars on all sides of me and the smell of burnt rubber creeping in, I began to wheeze and cry and panic.

A man about my parents' age got out of his car and stood next to my driver's side door, checked on me, and began directing traffic away. He asked if I was okay, and I don't remember if I answered him. I tried to call my parents, who weren't picking up. I called my brother, trying to reach them. I called my boyfriend, crying. This man stood next to me the whole time, even as I basically ignored him, and just kept telling me it was going to be okay.

I remember saying that my car was ruined and I didn't know what I was going to do. He said, I know, but one day I promise this moment will not be a blip on your radar. Having someone there with me, a real grownup, was a life raft. I don't even remember what he looked like. In my haze of shock and fear, I don't remember when he left and I don't think I thanked him, which I'm sad about, but I will always remember him as a stranger who just stood next to me for a while so I wasn't alone."

Beautiful. Also, when you get into your first car accident, it is so scary. Even if like nobody is hurt, it's just so – like they're so loud. They're so loud. My first car accident, I – my first car accident was when I had my permit and my mom asked me to pull her car, an SUV, into my parents' tuck-under garage in a Tudor that was built for like two Model Ts. And I was like,

And I did pull it in. It was very tight. I just remember like sucking in my belly, just being like, oh God, we got to get in. We got in and she said, now break. And I didn't remember which was the gas or the break. So I guessed and I guessed wrong. I had a 50-50 shot and I shot into our house.

And I did not have a stranger to tell me it was going to be okay. I had my dad. I've never seen a man appear faster than my dad appeared in that garage. He just was, he was like, what did you do? And I was like, lock the doors and then start crying. I had our house with a car. Okay. And that was my first accident, but it wouldn't be my last. I've hit so many things. Poor spatial reasoning. The nicest thing a stranger has done for me was paying for my groceries when I was going through chemo.

I love that.

I was pregnant with my first and still going to church at that time in my life. My husband was working, so I walked to mass by myself. Got there and started to feel off, like I was going to faint. A random woman and her teenage daughter sitting behind me came and checked on me, gave me a snack from her purse, and ended up driving me home because I still felt weird. Never got their names and saw them randomly over the years, and when I tried to thank her, she would just laugh and say it was nothing. It wasn't nothing to me.

Isn't that the whole point? It might be nothing for you to do something nice. It might be everything to the person on the other side. And if you are a mom with a snack in your purse, if you are a woman or a man or anyone, really, my husband is the snack guy. My husband's got a bag on him. The bag's got snacks. We don't even have little kids anymore. Honestly, he might be carrying the snacks for me because I will never

I just, I don't know I'm hungry until I'm ready to die. And then I'm like, and he's like, have you eaten? And I'm like, what? No. Okay. Oh, beautiful, beautiful story. Okay.

The manager of Punch Pizza comped our entire meal because we had initially come into order, but then my kid dropped a piece of one-of-a-kind pottery he had just won and it smashed. My kid started sobbing loudly immediately when it broke. The manager came over to check on us. We left the restaurant to regroup and deal with it. When we came back and ordered, they wouldn't let me pay. The manager came and checked on how our food was and also rushed our order ahead so my kid wasn't hungry and sad. It meant

It meant so much to see a stranger showing my child such pure kindness. Shout out to Punch Pizza in Minneapolis. I think they have like maybe two, three locations. I always went to the one in Northeast Minneapolis. I've had the nicest experiences there. Last time they were out of gluten-free crust. And then as a total shock, the manager found one extra gluten-free crust I'd already paid and gave me the gluten-free pizza for free, snuck it in.

like to surprise me. It was so kind. It was so sweet. And I really was having a rough day the last time I was there. I'd been crying like a hundred. I don't think I looked like I had been crying. It was just so kind. You just, it's so lovely. And by the way, neither of these managers would remember these. Again, they would probably say to somebody, oh, it was nothing. But it's not nothing. It's not nothing.

That is so kind, so sweet. That's something, too, that I'm going to keep in mind, too.

I've driven by accidents. I've stopped and just been like, "Are you okay?" And people are like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah." But it is nice to have a person there with you. And apparently this is really making an impact on people. We're really, really – we're hearing it. We're seeing it right now, okay?

I'll never forget the moment I found out my dad had cancer. I was in the bathroom of a coffee shop between classes reading a text that confirmed his diagnosis. We got to stop texting people diagnoses. We got to stop dropping just poof.

okay, on people in text. Like, hi, I once got an email from my mom. We've since hashed this out. I got an email from my mom on my work email in my 20s. The subject line said, your uncle, and the body of the email said, died. More details later. I needed more details. Like, which uncle are we talking about? What are you talking about? Why would you just boop that into my inbox?

during the workday when I'm a low-powered business drone in New York City who thought that her life was going to look like how to lose a guy in 10 days and instead is more like how to never get a guy over any period of time. Okay, back to this.

The words on the screen blurred as my hands started to shake uncontrollably. I could feel the sting of tears welling up, my mind racing with fears of tests, treatments, and the unknown future ahead. It was as if the walls in that dingy stall were closing in around me. I stepped out of the stall to wash my hands, but I couldn't calm myself. My reflection in the mirror was a stranger's, a person drowning in grief and fear. Then, out of nowhere, a woman emerged from another stall.

I hadn't even heard her in the bathroom. She was tall, with long red hair, and looked to be in her mid-30s. I couldn't pick her out from a lineup today. Without hesitation, she turned me toward her and wrapped me in a hug. A hug from a stranger. I've always been a hugger, but never like this. She didn't ask what was wrong. She didn't say a word. She just held me tightly and without judgment, while silent tears slid down my cheeks.

This woman knew nothing about me, not the news I'd just received, not the chaos unraveling in my life. But in that moment, she became the comforting older sister I needed. Her kindness was quiet and unspoken, yet it reached me in a way words never could. I don't remember her face, only her warmth and her compassion, and I will carry that with me for the rest of my life. God, I love women.

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My radiator overheated when I was driving home from my shitty first job out of college. I stalled in stop and go traffic on an interstate and couldn't get the car to restart. The way I am sweating reading that,

Then traffic started moving again. I was terrified. Suddenly, a young couple in a RAV4 whipped over, jumped out of their car, and pushed me into the shoulder. Asked if I called a wrecker, and when I said yes, they hopped back into their car and sped off, literally guardian angels that may have saved my life. Young couple in the RAV4, if this sounds like you, you're the hero. Good job.

The last plane ride on the way home after vacation and my toddler lost it when boarding. That's what they do. That's what they do, guys. It's so... And when you are the mom, when you are the dad, when you are the parent of a toddler who's freaking out in public, let alone on an airplane, trust me, you hate it more than anyone on the plane, okay? It's more...

stressful for you and the child than it is for anybody listening who can't handle the sound of a child. I was so worried the woman next to us would freak out. I was panicked and embarrassed, but I got him settled, distracted, and calmed down. Halfway through the flight, she leaned over and said, you're a good mom.

I promptly burst into tears. Flights, altitude, the worst for tears. It was simple but really meant so much to a tired, frazzled mom. I think about that lady probably once a week. Every mom needs to hear that, truly. I was working for a no-profit. I'm assuming it means non-profit. Look, I've run a couple no-profits.

I was working for what I assume is a nonprofit, delivering beds to kids. The volunteers had to leave early, so I was struggling to deliver three beds and frames to a third floor apartment with no elevator. I thought to myself, I could really use some help right now. And out of nowhere, a young woman in her 20s walked up and just started picking up items to help me. Hell yeah. Like I said, I love women.

Hi, it's Laura, and it's going to be okay. The nicest thing a stranger ever did for me was not only return my credit card, but also make sure there was a refund when I accidentally left it in the machine at Ulta.

And I was charged for their transaction. I had my six-week-old and my one-and-a-half-year-old with me, walked off with my purchases, left the card in. The cashier that was not paying attention, didn't catch it, charged the other person. And she was nice enough to come find me in the parking lot to help me unload my kids, which God love her, and then take me in.

get the refund and get everything sorted out. As a postpartum mom with a lot on my mind, I could not have been more thankful and I appreciate her so, so much. Hope you all have a wonderful day. Hi, this is Caitlin and it's going to be okay. The nicest thing a stranger has ever done for me is a few years ago, it was right before the pandemic,

I had just found out I had gestational diabetes. And for some reason, I was taking it really bad because I think pregnancy is just a time when we are like really mean to ourselves. We are just so mean to ourselves in the things that we are coming up short and just doing wrong. I just had gestational diabetes. But anyways, so I was like in a state. And so I'm driving home and I pulled into the driveway and it is

January in Montana. And I just cut it a little too sharp and my car bottoms out in a snow bank. And I just got stuck there. And I was like, okay, this is officially one thing too many on my plate today. I'm just going to leave it here. I will come back later and deal with it. And so I did. I went back inside and I hung out for a few hours and I was like, I should probably remove my car from the edge of my driveway.

So I go out there, like, seven months pregnant, and I am trying to shovel out the snow bank under my car. And as I'm down on the floor trying to look under there, a shovel comes, and it starts scooping the snow for me. And I look, and it is a fourth grader. His grandma picked him up from school.

and he saw me on the ground. He said, Grandma, I have to help her. And so he hopped out, and he unstuck my car from that snow. It was the sweetest thing that's ever happened to me. And I was just like, man, I needed this today. So to that sweet little boy and his wonderful grandma, thank you. This is Jessica, and I have a story for the It's Going to Be Okay podcast. When I was in my early to mid-20s, I am

I was living in Iowa and wanted to go to Chicago to meet up with some friends. And it was in January, and I was too scared to drive on the winter road. So I decided to drive 45 minutes to Mount Pleasant, Iowa, and take the train from Mount Pleasant into Chicago.

So I did that, and then I'm a little chatty Cathy, and so I'm talking to other people, waiting for the train, and making friends, and that whole thing. And I was talking to an older couple, and she was a schoolteacher, and he ran a funeral parlor. And when I was in Chicago, a big ice storm hit in Iowa. And so...

This couple remembered that I was traveling by myself, and they lived in Mount Pleasant. And so they drove to the train station, tried to clear ice off of my car, and waited for me to make sure that I would be able to get home safely. And it was so sweet of them. And we just could not get the ice off of my car. And so they said, oh, we have a heated garage.

Well, their heated garage was in the funeral parlor that they owned. And so I drive in and I park my car right next to the hearse. And I was like, this is either going to be a horror movie or they're going to take care of me. And they took care of me. We got the car all cleaned up. I was not invited in because they had a client. And I was thankful for that because I didn't want...

hang out with one of their clients who was someone that had passed. But it was just so kind of them to go out of their way to make sure that I could get home safely. And I still think of that 20 years later about the kindness that they showed me. And even though it was a little bit scary, the unknowns overall, it was just really nice.

Hi, it's Mia and it's going to be okay. So I am answering the call of nicest thing a stranger has ever done for you. And this happened to me last week. I was at work. I work at a big university in London.

I had to go to a work event. It was not my ideal plan for that Thursday. It was raining. It was dark because now it's winter in the UK and it gets dark like 4pm or earlier. I didn't really want to go. It was on the other side of London. But I thought, let's do it. Support my colleagues. Let's go. It'll probably be useful.

Someone wanted me to speak there, whatever. So I go, I take my three tubes or whatever. I get there, I sit down, the event progresses. It's not running to time whatsoever. And the thing that I was being asked to contribute to never ended up happening. And I was just like, okay. But I was trying to be...

friendly to the people around me and optimistic and just thinking about the big bowl of chicken rice I was going to make when I got home. But I got speaking to the stranger next to me who was a specialist technician working in our like jewellery design program, very very cool, and part of the event we had to

use one of these online platform thingies that gives you a silly anonymous name and it gave me the name serious lion which I thought was pretty funny I'm a pretty like bold person but I also get in my head a lot so I thought serious lion was pretty funny I tell this to the woman next to me

And we have a conversation. She asked me about what I do. I talk about being in the first seniorish role in my career and feeling quite intimidated by that, but doing my best to facilitate others to do the work that's meaningful to them. We work in climate justice, so it's kind of a whole thing. And she said, well, sounds like you're not serious lying, you're boss lying.

And this was just so, so, so funny to me. And then we had to go around the room and introduce like our partner. And she introduced me as boss line, which of course was deeply embarrassing. And I had to tell the whole room, no, I did not ask her to call me boss. But it was such a bright little thing.

Hi, it's Brooke, and it's going to be okay. I wanted to share a story of the nicest thing a stranger has done for me. When I was in high school, it was prom night. I went out with my boyfriend and two other couples, and we had dinner at a hibachi restaurant. There were two extra seats at the table, so an older couple joined us, and we had a great time with them, ate dinner, chatted, and we had a great time.

Near the end of the meal, they said goodbye, got up to leave. We asked for the check and found out that they paid for our entire meal for six adults. We were just gobsmacked at this, and it remains one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me. And to pay it forward,

Every year when I'm out around prom time, I try to find some teenagers that are clearly out on a prom date, and I like to secretly pay the bill for them. It really just tickled me that they did that. Obviously, they knew we didn't have a lot of money, and they wanted to make the night special for us. Loved it. Love Stranger Kindness. I hope you get some great stories. I look forward to hearing them. Thanks, Nora. Love you.

I hope that hearing these stories made you feel a little bit more okay. I hope it gave you just a little bit more hope in our culture, in our society, in the power of doing something small for somebody you know, somebody that you don't know. The things that we think of as no big deal really might be quite a big deal to somebody else. So

Do your best. Forget the rest. Don't despair. Despair is... Don't despair. I know it's hard not to despair, but don't do it. Just don't. Think of the okay in your day and try to be the okay in somebody else's. I'm Nora McInerney.

This was a little special edition of it's going to be okay. If you are listening in the, it's going to be okay feed. We're going to see if we can do this. Uh, semi regularly. I don't know. Let us know what you think. Do you like these? Do you not like them? Let us know. Um, and if you are listening in the thanks for asking feed, uh,

Thanks for being here. We just want to make things that make you feel a little bit better. I'm Nora McInerney. This episode was produced by Marcel Malikibu. Our theme music is by Secret Audio, and we are a production of Feelings & Co., where you can get most of your feelings. I know life is hard. I'm not trying to minimize that. I know that things are dark for a lot of people, and I also know that...

If you can do something nice for somebody else, it can make you feel better. When I feel absolute despair, when I feel helpless, I try to help somebody else. So

Take that energy moving forward. I know it is a challenging time to be alive in the world. Not everything is going to be okay, but we can find the okay in our days. And if you want to share something with us, an okay thing, you can call, you can text. Our number is 612-568-4441. I will see you next time.

Hi guys, it's Nora. If you like what we've done here on Terrible Things for Asking, you might want to check out our YouTube channel. We have two new videos going up every week over at youtube.com slash at feelings and co. That's feelings and co. There's a link to it in our show description. So see over on YouTube if that's what you're into. What a sales gal I am.