The Final Quince
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We've also got a link in our show notes. My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big ROAS man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend.

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This is a podcast that asks people to be honest about their pain, to just be honest about how they really feel about the hard parts of life. And guess what? It's complicated. I'm Nora McInerney, and this is Terrible. Thanks for asking. This is Terrible. Thanks for asking.

I'm Nora McInerney. And I'm Jaca Maldonado-Medina. Longtime listeners will recognize Jaca as our former intern, turned freelancer, turned producer, and ultimately turned successful woman working on another show. I'm a deserter, essentially. A traitor, I would say.

Some of you might also remember Jaka's younger sister, Malena, from our 2017 episode called Introducing Childhood, which was a pilot for a series we never got to make. But I think, honestly, we should just make it now because now we're independent and we can make our own decisions. So I have three sisters. And the one thing I like about them all is they're all different people.

Like they may have some things in common, but most of who they are are really different. And that's like a good thing. Milena was 10 years old when we interviewed her for that episode. And not to brag, but she and I have stayed best friends ever since. She even invited me to her quinceañera last August. And what did we do, Jayka?

We made content. Yes, we did, because that is what we do. And so today, I am handing the reins over to Jayka to tell us the story of Malena's quinceanera and what it means to have the baby of your family turn 15. Most people have heard of a quinceanera. How much you know about the might range? Maybe you're a quinceanera pro, attending dozens and taking home a centerpiece from each one.

Or maybe your only exposure to them is from the few episodes of My Super Sweet Sixteen that featured rich Hispanic girls. For the uninitiated, here's the gist of it. A quinceanera is a celebration that Latinos throw when a girl turns 15. It's meant to mark her passage from a girl to a woman. And quinceaneras are no joke. They range, but it's a big party.

You're buying a huge dress that can often cost the same or more than a wedding dress. You're booking a venue, you're buying a cake and food for all your guests. All of the expenses that you'd have for a wedding or a bat mitzvah are also present at a quinceanera. There are rituals that come along with the quinceanera. There's the changing from flats into heels, which is meant to symbolize this stage of maturity that you've reached with a solid foundation. The 15 candles, which you hand out to 15 significant adults in your life.

The tiara, which denotes royalty and a unity with God and the world. The sceptre, which symbolizes authority. The earrings, which are meant to be a reminder to listen to your parents. The ring, which is meant to be worn until a wedding ring replaces it, represents God's endless love. The pendant, which symbolizes faith in yourself and of course God. Which, by the way, a lot of these items have religious meanings, even if the person receiving them isn't particularly religious.

All of these things hold their own symbolism, and they're meant to mark that passage. And every culture does it a little differently. Our little sister, Malena, is Puerto Rican and Mexican, so she was given a last doll, which is meant to mark the end of your childhood. But one thing is true for me and all my sisters. None of us would have had a quinceanera if it wasn't for our mom, Xiomara Medina. My mom is a passionate and dedicated person.

That can sometimes come off a bit intense. Sorry, mom, it's true. But everyone knows it's because she loves so hard. She'll do anything to help us get to where we want to be in life. My mom was born and raised in Puerto Rico. She grew up in a small town in the mountains called Orocovis. Growing up, quinceañeras were a big part of her social life. One of them, Julissa, I was part of her quinceañera. I was one of her damas. And I think that was like the best thing ever, like...

dressing up, you know, in her colors and be by her side. It was just like the coolest thing. And, you know, and then the party, the music, the DJ, it was just cool. But when my mom turned 15, the quinceanera was just not in the cards. Is that something that you wanted at the time? Yes, I, yes, I, I wanted one.

And why was that not a possibility when you were 15? Because we didn't have the resources for that. Neither, my sister did not have one. And I grew up with my grandparents and they could not afford a quinceanera either. And it was something that I, like it never crossed my mind that I will have one because I knew that we could not afford it. And my mom understands why she couldn't have one. But that didn't mean that it didn't sting at least a little.

To see some of your friends get to have this fabulous party and then not get to have one yourself has got to hurt, especially when the tradition is so culturally significant. In 1994, after my parents had Erika, my older sister, they moved from Puerto Rico to Minnesota. My parents left all of their family when they moved here. It wasn't easy. They worked jobs that weren't ideal for not very much money, but they made it work for us.

My mom and my dad had three girls: Erika, me, and Ariana. And then when my mom was 26, which is exactly how old I am now, she got divorced from my dad. Starting around the time that Erika turned 13, my mom started talking about Erika's quinceanera. Now, Erika is the quintessential oldest child. She was always really hardworking and super smart.

She's not a very emotional or flashy person, so the idea of having a party where she'd be wearing a big poofy dress was not the most appealing thing to her. I did not want to have one. At the time, I would have preferred having a trip somewhere because I just didn't really want an elaborate party, and I don't think I had really been to many quince, so it wasn't really like something that I was like, oh, I need that. Why did you end up having it? Because mom made me have it.

And that is partially true. My mom did make her have one. But I think the other part of it is something much bigger than that. For me, I feel like part of having it is because mom didn't get to have one. Did that play into your decision to have one? Yeah, I think so. Because I think mom like really wanted to have this special thing for each of us that she wasn't able to have. So I think it kind of like fulfilled something for her too.

And to be clear, having the actual party really wasn't some grand sacrifice Erika made. My mom knows how to throw a party. So you have all the prep. Tell me about like how you felt day of the party. Obviously, it was mom's first, so it was...

And she did so much of it herself, which was maybe not the best idea. Yeah. Even like my best friend Susan was there like the night before setting things up. Like that's crazy to me how much effort they put in. And two, I was the only one that had like the church ceremony, which is like a whole intricate thing because my grandparents wanted it. And I was just so surprised to see like how many of my friends from school showed up because I was just like, oh, thanks guys. Like that's really sweet. Yeah.

I think like the whole day just really went by

really well and just like I enjoyed it minus like the getting ready stuff in the morning because I was just stressful I think I was like really enjoying the day throughout and getting to the venue and seeing everyone like it was just fun to be surrounded by everyone I didn't really like being the center of the tension but it was kind of just like fun for that day I think it was really fun for my friends to see me in a different way like oh my gosh look at her she's so dressed up like

We never see her like that. I remember the day of Erika Esquinceñera just being a big party. I was 12 at the time, so I wasn't really doing much to help. Erika had a full court with her, which meant that she had 14 girls and 14 boys of different ages leading up to 15. And I was matched with a boy I had a crush on, and that was a huge deal to me. The day was also really special because of who was able to come for Erika Esquinceñera.

Most of our extended family lives in Puerto Rico, but my grandparents and my aunt and uncle flew out for the party. That meant that when the time came for the traditional waltz, Erika got to dance with my dad, my grandpa, and my uncle, along with all the other really important people in her life, like my stepdad and my family friends. Seeing Erika get to have this moment really kicked in my little sister mode. She had one. I wanted one.

Just like Erika had, I wanted all my friends and family surrounding me talking about how much I'd grown and how beautiful I looked. So now let's talk about my quinceanera, which was now more than 10 years ago. But to talk about my quince, we have to talk about my dad. I want to preface all of this by saying that I find this stuff really hard to talk about. I'm old enough now that it feels like it's been so long since any of this happened and I'm not angry anymore.

I've learned to accept relationships in my life for what they are. But also, 14, 15-year-old me was hurt, and so that's part of this story. I was five when my parents got divorced, and in the following years, the amount of contact I had with my dad was really inconsistent. There were periods of time where my dad would call us every single day, and then there was a period of time when he moved away, and we didn't talk for a year.

The year before my quinceanera, my dad moved to Puerto Rico with his girlfriend and my little brother. He had a job opportunity there that would allow him to live on the island again and be with my grandma. And I was glad for that, but our relationship was already rocky at the time. The once daily phone calls started to dwindle, and I was pretty resentful and honestly just really confused. But then, my freshman year of high school, we found out that he was moving back to Minnesota.

I don't really remember how I reacted to the news. I can imagine it was a mixture of being glad that I'd get to see my little brother and also still being pretty angry with my dad. Freshman year meant that I was turning 15 and it was time to plan my own quince. I definitely knew I wanted to have one. There was no question about it. If there's a spectrum of Erika who hates being the center of attention and Ariana who thrives being center of attention, I'm in the middle.

I want some attention, but only the kind of attention I want. I produce podcasts, but you don't often hear me on them. My mom might tell you differently, but in my memory, the planning for my quince went smoothly and things were looking good. We had booked the venue, we had chosen Italian food, and I had found the perfect dress. My dad was back in Minnesota, the party was all planned out, and some of my aunts and uncles were able to fly in for the party too.

My titi blanca has always been the aunt I was closest to. She was living in Minnesota around the time I was born, and her and my mom were pregnant at the same time. She says that being around me taught her how to be a mother, so having her at my quinceanera was really special. My aunt had recently taken up doing nails around that time, and so she did my nails for the party. I'll admit, they weren't perfect.

And she did burn me with the electric nail file. But every time she did, she'd take my fingers, kiss them, and say, So really, how could I stay mad? Again, I'm 15. I'm a high school freshman. And my main concern for my quince is, of course, the guest list. I know who's invited, but who's actually going to show up? We'll be right back. ♪

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The night before my own quince, I was at my friend Bianca's quinceanera. I was dancing with my friends and being as cool as a 15-year-old can be when I got a call from my dad. I stepped out in the hallway to answer it. He said that he wasn't going to be coming to my party. I don't remember what I said or how I reacted in the moment, but I remember that he said that since he had just moved back, he couldn't take a day off work. I didn't believe that for a second.

Months before, when we were in the planning process for my quinceanera and designing the invitations, we had to decide who to list at the very top. The invitations usually say the name of the parents and that they invite you to celebrate this special day with them. My mom asked me who I wanted to list. And at the time, my dad was in Puerto Rico and we had little to no communication. I was mad at him. And I didn't think it'd be fair to list him when he wasn't helping with the party. So I listed my mom and my stepdad Jorge, who was helping.

And I know that upset my dad. I'm sure that hurt him. I think it's easy for kids to forget that their parents are people with emotions of their own. Their feelings get hurt, and my dad's feelings were hurt. But I wanted nothing more than for my dad to set his own emotions aside and be there for me. But he wasn't gonna be. I remember hanging out with my dad and calling my mom to let her know. I wanted to just forget about it and go have fun. I couldn't think about it or my emotions would get the best of me.

So I went to bed that night, sad about my dad bailing, but excited about the next day. The next morning, there was a lot to do. My mom, Jorge, and a few family friends went to the venue to get everything set up while I got my hair and makeup done at home. I remember the getting ready process being really overwhelming. We had a photographer there, and there are pictures of me sitting in the chair with my hair and makeup done, and I look really sad. And I was sad, but it came in waves.

I would oscillate between the excitement of the day and a feeling of disappointment about my dad not coming. But the party was planned and I had to get going. Once my hair was done, it was time to put on the dress. The dress I picked feels so uncharacteristic to who I am now, but I remember seeing it and thinking, that is THE dress. It was a light blue puffy dress with gems and a lace peplum across the skirt.

I wore a crinoline hoop skirt underneath so the dress was big, which made getting into the car very interesting. We arrived at the venue and I got to go in to see all the decorations set up. I'd seen bits and pieces of the planning process but I was not prepared for how beautiful it would be when it all came together. The room was covered in lots of blues and pinks and there were butterfly decorations everywhere. My stepdad had built an archway for me to sit under during the ceremony which had tulle and more butterflies hanging down from it.

and all of it was done by my parents and family friends. When we heard that people were beginning to arrive, me and my court of friends had to hide in the bathroom so that I'd be able to make that grand entrance. I really don't remember the specifics of this moment. I just remember feeling beautiful, and I was excited to see everybody who had come out to support me. The grand entrance went off without a hitch, and then it was time for dinner,

And then it was time for the part of the night that I'd been dreading all day long. The father-daughter dance. Growing up, I had never had a reason to think that my dad wouldn't be here for this moment. He'd been there for Erika's. There was no way he'd miss mine, but he did. And while I've forgiven him for that, it's something that I still get emotional about when it comes up. Here's me talking about it with my mom. One of the things... Oh, I'm gonna get emotional. One of the things that stands...

This stands out to me about my quince was that my dad wasn't there. But I think you did everything you could to make that day really special for me. And yeah, can you talk to me about like how you felt seeing me that day being upset about that? It was hard because I know you were not happy.

I mean, you were happy. Your friends were there, but you were so devastated. And we were just trying as much as we could just to make it a happy day. I think that having your titi blanca here helped a lot because that, I don't want to say that is your favorite aunt, but I mean, you're really close to her and she's really close to you. So I think God knows how to do things. Like he put people in places where

when they are needed. And everyone tried to, that day, surround you with so much love and just try to make it, I mean, an enjoyable day, even though I know that was a day that marked many changes in your life. And I wish I could have done something that I could have just stopped the pain that you had, that you suffered that day.

Pelos was there for you and tried to just not compensate because he was not compensating, but just like just reassuring you that no matter what, you're always going to have a father in your life. Not a biological, but you're always going to have him by your side. I was surrounded by people who loved me. And I want to make it so clear that I love my stepdad, Jorge, who I call Pelos, with my whole heart.

Pelos helped raise me, and having him there to do the dance with me meant the world to me. All of the adults who loved me surrounded me and did this dance with me. Even Malena got up and did the waltz with me at one point. But it wasn't the same. This was meant to be a milestone in my life, and now the day would be marked by the absence of one of the most important people in my life. I didn't give out the 15 candles like my older sister did.

It would have felt wrong to hand out those candles and not be able to give one to my dad. So instead, I just didn't hand out any. Next in line was Ariana, and she was ready to have a quinceanera. She, unlike Erika, has no problem being the center of attention. She wanted to party. By the time we had Ariana's quinceanera, we had lost both of my grandfathers and my great-grandma on my mom's side.

And so watching the slideshow of pictures at Arianna's Quinceanera was difficult. Here's my mom. Yeah, I mean, the slideshows are going to be always hard to watch from like eight years ago, almost nine years. In fact, now in September, since my dad died.

passed away, and my grandma and your grandpa also passed away. I think Erika had the blessing of having her papelillo and her quinceanera. I mean, they were old and not able to travel that much, and I think that's the reason why they didn't come to yours. Not because they didn't want to be here, it's just it was hard for them, but actually the fact that he was at Erika's quinceanera, she had that blessing. Putting

My mom has always been a very emotional person. In moments like these, I really understand her.

It's hard to stand up there celebrating Ariana's life with the people who love her most, while knowing that you can't call some of the most pivotal people in her life. You don't get to thank them for helping you bring her to this moment. Ariana's slideshow was hard to watch, but another tough part of the night was seeing that my dad was there. Now, obviously, I wouldn't want him to skip Ariana's quinceanera just because he wasn't there for mine.

But it stung all over again to get to see my sister have that father-daughter dance moment with him when I never did. I was happy for Ariana, but it made me think back on my own quinceanera. I do still think back on that day as a good one. It's sort of like in the movie Inside Out when sadness is touching the core memories and they're turning blue. But then as Joy touches them, she sees that the sadness is what led to the happiness. I was sad that my dad wasn't there.

And I was overwhelmed by the love that surrounded me. I was so grateful for my mom, my stepdad, my aunt, and my sisters, who all worked so hard to keep the mood light, because I deserved to have a good day. Like I said earlier, I have a hard time talking about this, because I don't want to villainize my dad. My dad is a loving man, and like all people, he sometimes makes bad choices. And missing my quinceañera was one of those bad choices.

My dad and I have a pretty good relationship. One day like that couldn't change the fact that I love him and I know he loves me too. But my quinceanera did mark a shift in our relationship. It felt like a sticking point for such a long time. Like every small mess up from him felt like it vindicated my anger from that day. Like I was collecting points to one day be able to show him, here, see how you messed up? But the older I get, the less angry I am. I don't feel like I need some huge cathartic moment to acknowledge the fact that I was hurting.

I have forgiven him, and I'll never be able to redo that day. Whenever I think back on that day, one of the first things I think about is the fact that he wasn't there. But then I think about all the other wonderful things that happened that day. My aunt traveling from Puerto Rico to celebrate with me, my mom singing me a song that brought me to tears, getting to dance with my friends and even managing to get my crush up and dancing too. Like a lot of life events, my quinceanera was a mix of emotions.

But I take the bad with the good to get to have participated in something that I know meant so much to my mom. And the older I get, the more I realize how special it is that I got to have one. We'll be right back.

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I'm Lena. And finally, we are at the day of Malena's quinceanera. I'm going to bring Nora back in because she had the pleasure of experiencing the whole day with us. I loved that day. I love being a part of someone else's family. I love that I'm in some of the prep photos. I love that I got to witness it all. And Nora, just like me, loves Malena.

Malena is the baby of the family on my mom's side. Or she was until my niece was born, but that was post quinceanera. But anyways, Malena is my everything. When she was born, I was 10 years old, and I remember being so excited to meet her. I helped my mom decorate her crib, fold the baby clothes, all of it. And when she was born, she did not disappoint.

Malena is an incredible person. So kind, empathetic, intelligent, and hilarious. I could go on and on about her, but basically I love her a lot and we all love her so much. So when her quinceanera was approaching, I wanted to document it. I wanted her to remember the day and how we all felt leading up to it. So I stuck a microphone in each of my family members' face and made them talk about how incredible Malena is. I started with my mom and older sister Erika.

Malena is the glue of our family. The girls, Jayka, Erika, they don't come here to see us. I mean, yeah, they do, but they come to see Malena. And I don't know how you guys are going to be that day. I know that I'm going to be a mess and I know that I'm going to be crying, but it's going to be tears of joy. How are you feeling leading up to Malena's big day? Oh my gosh. I feel...

Like, I'm going to be really surprised because I've been less involved, even more so with this one. Like, I haven't even physically been to the venue. But I think, like, it's a really special relationship we have with Milena where it's, like, friendship, sister. But, like, she almost we have, like, a motherly instinct for her. So I think it'll be, like, a lot of emotions seeing her, like, fully in her element and doing her ceremonies and stuff.

The last time that listeners of Terrible Thanks for Asking heard from Melaina would have been in our update episode, but even that was about three years ago. So let's talk about what's changed since Melaina's first episode. When we met Melaina, she was a kid dealing with anxiety. And

And a lot of that anxiety had to do with her dad, who's your stepdad. Yeah, Jorge, who Malena calls Papa. So when I say Papa, I'm referring to her dad. If you have half siblings or step siblings, you totally get this. That first episode back in 2017 dealt with my stepdad's struggles with alcoholism, as well as some immigration issues that we'd been going through at the time. Obviously, people know you from the episode about you and Papa, right?

How is your dad doing, and how does, like, it feel to get to this point with him now? Well, even, like, when I filmed the first podcast, like, Papi was doing really good at that time, and, like, he was sober and everything. So still at that point when I filmed the first podcast, like, it was still kind of after all those events. But even now, like, to dance, like, my vods with him and everything, like...

Like, was really sentimental because, like, I wouldn't have been able to do that without, like, everything that happened. So I think it was just, like, a growing moment for both of us. And especially, like, to see, like, photos of him, like, of us at that time, like, when everything was happening with him was, like, pretty emotional, too. Yeah.

In February will be three years since he actually got his permanent residency. At this point, Pelos is able to apply for his citizenship once he's been a permanent resident for three years. He's been sober since.

Since his last treatment, working hard on his program and his recovery, Malena is doing way better. The anxiety is still there, and I think it's something that it's going to be hard to overcome. But they have each other. I think what helps him a lot in his recovery is having her.

And what helps her with her anxiety is having him. And they have each other. Sometimes I feel completely left out, but I have a dog that is always by me. Right, Milo? But they have each other and that have helped a lot. And he is healthy, kind.

I think he's, I feel that he's happy. We have accomplished so many things since his sobriety. Then since his recovery, um, we bought a house, we moved, we have travel. We visited Puerto Rico, uh, for the first time. And we've been married for 16 years and we just visited Puerto Rico last year for the first time. And we're planning to go to Mexico and visit his family there. So, um,

Things are much better now. So things have been a lot better and we were all looking forward to Malena's quinceanera. The only person who wasn't always looking forward to it was Malena herself. You've been a little bit back and forth on whether or not you wanted to have the quince and sort of like how you felt about it. Why were you so back and forth about it?

Well, I always, like, I never didn't want a quince, but, like, especially, like, during the school year and stuff, like, I always thought there was, like, other things to focus on rather than planning my quince. So I always, like, put it aside. Here's my mom and stepdad talking about Malena's quince. She has an idea, and she wants that idea...

but she's not helping with the idea. She's not making decisions. I think everything is part of her anxiety. For her making decisions, it's hard. Everything causes anxiety. Procrastinating things, not helping. She's been so indecisive about things as simple as

decorations and her dress finding her dress was just it was so hard and yeah it's it's been difficult even today she's planning something new that she wants to add to the quinceanera and I'm like we're three days away I don't know if we're gonna be able to pull this and you can see it on her face her frustration and like okay we're gonna try to pull it but yeah it's

It's been hard. Very hard. I think she likes the idea of the 15. What she doesn't like is the focus. I think that must be normal, right? Because Erika was the same. Erika liked the idea. Well, Erika didn't like the focus. Being the focus of attention. And I think that makes Malena a little nervous. But she likes the 15, I think. Oh, Baby loves the idea of being the focus of attention. And she did, right? Yes.

To summarize, my stepdad says that Malena, like Erika, doesn't love being in the center of attention. But she did want a quinceanera, so the quinceanera got planned. This sounds really good. Yeah.

And now it's the morning of and there is a lot going on. Nora, how would you describe the feeling in my mom's house that morning? There was so much energy in that house.

It was actually a lot chiller than I imagined it might be. I would describe the energy in that house as the standard pre-event energy, which is people are excited. People are also exhausted.

There's a healthy level of tension. There's family coming in. There's family asleep in the lower level and everyone's like tiptoeing around. Like there's a, there's a lot happening all at once. And your mom is so calm and

and yet so busy. Okay, what are you doing right now? What are you looking for? I'm looking for Malina's headband, which is missing, but it was here this morning. What does it look like? It has, I think, either little, like, flowers or crystals on it. And my mom has all of our headbands. Where was it? Oh, my God. Nora found it. Once she committed to the search, we found it.

Ask me how I'm feeling. How are you feeling? I'm gonna put the friggin head there like what's the point? Okay, let's go. Okay, let's go. Thank you, papa! That whole morning was a weird amount of downtime and then moments of chaos.

Malena had a moment where it was clear that she didn't like how her hair had turned out, but she wasn't going to say anything because she is a true people pleaser. But we're her older sister, so we could tell. So we stepped in to make sure that her hair was exactly how she wanted it because she would not have stood up for herself. And so she got ready and then the limo rolled up, which was a huge flex because I've never been in a limo.

I just love knowing that 20 years after I left high school, which is still shocking to me, that a limo still has cachet and is still a flex.

Truly brought me comfort. And I was envious. I was almost hoping maybe Milena is going to invite this 39-year-old adult woman into the... I didn't get the invite. You didn't make the cut. I mean, I also didn't make the cut. None of us will ever know what the party in the limo was actually like. But Milena and her friends went in the limo. They went and took pictures. This is all very wedding-like. Like you go and you take pictures beforehand. And then we got to the venue and it was amazing.

Beautiful. Wow. I know, right? Isn't it beautiful? Okay, describe this room for me. So it's an old church. So there's stained glass on both sides. And in the center, there's a stage with a flowery backdrop and sequins. Just all very classy, rose gold and white theming, which is so impressive for a 15-year-old to...

choose that theme. Yeah, it's beautiful. This is nicer than that. Oh, this is so much nicer than my Quince. My Quince was beautiful, but... I mean, wow. Wow, wow, wow. As the party began, I got to see all the people who love Malena come in. There were people there who I hadn't seen in years. They all came out to show their love for Malena.

for being here tonight. Anyone present here tonight is because it's so important to us. And we really appreciate all of you guys being here tonight. We worked really hard to this party for Malena and now we want to dance and have fun. So let's stand and have fun. Happy birthday, Malena. Dinner came first and then it was time for the ceremony. And this is where the waterworks really began.

The moment that I remember specifically is when she was given the tiara and you and your sisters put that on Malena's head and she started to cry pretty much right away. And as soon as you and your sisters saw her crying, you all started to cry and I was already crying. Yeah, I think we were all surprised at the intensity and immediacy of Malena's emotions.

She cried from the moment we put the tiara on through when she received the last doll. And Marina's last doll was a Snow White Precious Moments that my mom had bought for her. And that's because Snow White was the first movie Marina was ever obsessed with. So when my mom handed her that doll, she really lost it.

And seeing her lose it meant that I lost it too. Then Malena danced the waltz with her dad. And you told me that the song she danced to was especially meaningful. Yeah, so Malena and her dad danced to the song Tu Sangre Mi Cuerpo by Angela Aguilar and Pepe Aguilar. The title of the song translates to Your Blood In My Body. And the lyrics are all about the special bond between a father and a daughter.

Pepe sings about how proud he is to have Angela as his daughter, and she sings about her love for him. And anyone who knows Malena knows that her dad is her best friend. So seeing them dance together was really special. Take my hand with force, don't let me go, let's always be together.

Well, obviously, him and I, like, we're both nervous. But he put on sunglasses, and I don't think I'll ever forgive him for it. Because he didn't want people to see him getting emotional. So I don't think I'll ever forgive him for that. But, I mean, especially, like, the song that was playing that was, like, talking about, like, a father and daughter, like, growing up. Like, it didn't help with me not crying. Yeah.

And it was just really emotional. And we were both like really nervous, but really happy. He did knock your crown off during the dance. And he had to stand on his tiptoes when he spun me. And again, he wasn't the only one crying. I was watching you pretty much the whole event. And at this part, you really did seem to be more emotional than you had been before. I was more emotional than I expected myself to be, honestly. Yeah.

Their relationship is so beautiful, and seeing that play out at her quinceanera was so special. But I also couldn't help but think back to my own quinceanera. And for some reason, Malena being 15 made me realize how young 15 really is. And that made me sad for the past version of me who didn't get to have that really special moment. And then...

comes a moment that I personally wasn't prepared for. And I think you know exactly what I'm talking about. Yeah, this moment must have felt like a personal attack to you, Nora. We decided that we wanted to do a sister dance with Malena. And she asked me to help her pick a song for it. She wanted a song in English since she had done a song in Spanish for her dad. And I instantly thought of Never Grow Up by Taylor Swift.

Marino was about three when Speak Now came out, and that song has always made me think of her. I cherish the times when she was young, and she's really growing up before my eyes. And I'm so conflicted on that feeling because on the one hand, it's incredible to see the person she's becoming. But on the other hand, I miss every past version of her.

I miss the little baby who would ask to watch Snow White on repeat every single day for a year. And to get up there with her and dance to that song was one of the most emotional moments of my entire life. I loved seeing that sisterly bond among you. I cried thinking about what my older sister has meant to me. She's eight years older than me. I can't listen to Never Grow Up without thinking about

my siblings without thinking about that relationship. And it was really, really beautiful, Jacob, to witness that and to see that amongst your sisters. Well, and I'm sure for you, listening to Never Grow Up makes you think about your kids. And Erica said this at one point that our relationship with Malena is almost a parental one. Like, I almost feel like I'm another mom to her.

And so hearing that song always makes me think about her because she's my baby and she's growing up. And then, then your mom joins the chat. And by joins the chat, I mean joins the mariachi band. Yeah, she did. So my mom is an incredible singer and she joined the mariachi to sing Amor Eterno. Latino listeners will know about this song.

This song was originally performed by Rocio Durcal and written by Juan Gabriel. The title of the song translates to Love Eternal. Some of the lyrics in it translate to, You are the sadness in my eyes that weep in silence for your love. I look at myself in the mirror and see my face, the time I've suffered because of your goodbye. I force my thoughts to forget you because I'm always thinking of yesterday. I'd rather be sleeping than awake because of how much it hurts that you're not here.

I knew that my mom was singing that song and thinking about her dad and grandma. Malena was named Malena because that was the name my grandpa would have given his son if he was a girl. After that point, I swear the waterworks were done. The rest of the night was a party and Malena had a blast dancing with her friends and family.

When I think back on my quinceanera and Malena's, I see two young women with vastly different feelings about the day. I was a kid who couldn't wait to grow up. I always had a youth complex. I hated that I felt like people were talking down to me. I wanted to hurry up and be an equal with the adults around me. But Malena feels differently. I asked Malena after her quinceanera about why she cried so much during the ceremony.

It was actually happening to me, and, like, I wasn't just watching the ceremony happen for somebody else. Like, I was the one that was, like, I guess being celebrated. Like, that was, like, it just hit me at that moment that that was, like, I don't know how to describe it. Like, that was just, like, my big moment that night, I guess. Also, like, just the meanings of everything really got me because, like, ever since I was little, like, I always said, like, I didn't want to grow up, and it's, like, that's kind of the moment where everyone, like,

Like, saw me, like, growing up, I guess? Does that make sense? Malena's emotions came from a place of being scared. She didn't want to grow up. She never has. That's one of the things I've always loved about her. If anyone took the message of that Taylor Swift song seriously, it was Malena. And now everyone she loved was gathering around her to celebrate the fact that she was growing up. It's a bittersweet feeling.

Being surrounded by everyone you love and being celebrated feels wonderful, but also the occasion marks something she feared. She would soon be an adult like the rest of us and not the baby that we all doted on. Baby, yeah, yeah. Yeah, ma, dee-lay, bo, bo, bo, bo. Bo, bo, bo. Yeah, ma, dee-lay, papa, crazy. Papa, crazy. Baby, mama, crazy.

Malena's quinceanera also had the added layer of being the last in this generation of our family. Malena turning 15 always felt so far off in the same way that your kids entering high school or going off to college feels far off. And then one day it's just there. They're in high school. They're getting into college. And it feels like it's all happening too soon. Like Malena hasn't gotten to just be a kid for long enough.

I just can't really wrap my head that it's, like, actually happening because, like, after Adriana's, like, mom's thing would always, like, joke about, like, Mariana's quince and how it's, like, the last one. And, like, even Papi said that he was, like, going bald after my quince. And, like, he would say that even when I was, like, five, all coming to an end. It's scary. On the flip side, Mariana turning 15 is a real point of pride, particularly for my mom.

Growing up, my mom knew for a fact that she would not be able to have a quinceanera. And so she had her first daughter and knew she was going to give her the celebration she never got to have. I wanted to have a quinceanera for Erica for sure. And then I wanted to have one for Jacob, but I kind of like also kind of gave her the option, not because she was less than Erica, but it's just like,

I don't know, then I learned, you know, that not everyone likes to be on the, be the center of attention and stuff. But I kind of give her the option, but at the same time was hoping and wishing that she would say yes. And they all did. And we all did want to have the party. Partly because it's a big party where you get to wear a pretty dress and all that. And partly because it's got cultural significance.

But the biggest reason when I talked to my sisters about it was that we knew it meant so much to my mom. My mom was forced to grow up at a young age. Her upbringing was not smooth sailing. There was love in her life, but the level of support she received wasn't always consistent. So when she had us, she made sure that we knew that we were always loved and supported. And to be able to do that, she sacrificed so much.

The least we could do was have a party that allowed her to slow down and reflect on how far she'd brought us. Seeing Malena turn 15 really marked the end of an era. My mom did it. She provided each of us with a beautiful quinceanera that we can always look back on and say, "Wow, look at how loved I was." But even more importantly, she got us all to that point. She raised four daughters into, not to brag, incredible women.

She didn't do it alone. We're surrounded by a community of people who love us, but our family does really hinge on my mom and the sacrifices that she's made for us. When I first thought to do this episode, I knew it was going to be about Mariana growing up and what that means to me. But the longer I worked on it, the more I realized that this is a sort of thank you letter to my mom. She didn't get to be celebrated when she turned 15, and that makes me really sad.

But I hope she can see this as a celebration of all that she's done for her four daughters. Gracias, ma, por guiarnos hasta este punto. Todo lo que hemos logrado solamente ha sido posible por los sacrificios que tú hiciste. Te quiero mucho.

I'm Nora McNerney, and this has been Terrible Thanks for Asking. Thank you so much to Jacob Maldonado Medina for returning to our show and bringing us this beautiful story. Big thanks to her entire family, especially Malena, for allowing us to attend her Kinze, to talk about her Kinze, and to be a part of her life.

Terrible Thanks for Asking is an independent podcast and listener support makes it possible for us to bring you shows like this. If you would like to support our show and get ad-free episodes, bonus content, and more, you can go to ttfa.org slash premium.

Terrible Thanks for Asking is a production of Feelings & Co. That's what we call ourselves. Our team is myself, Nora McInerney, Marcel Malakibu, Jordan Turgeon, Megan Palmer, Claire

Claire McInerney. I'm doing these off the top of my head, guys. Larissa Witcher and Eugene Kidd. We love hearing from you. You can email us terrible at feelingsand.co or call and leave a voicemail at 612-568-4441. And we always have those available in our show notes in case you are driving or

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