getting gay married with Two D*kes and a Mic
51:37 Share

Today's episode is brought to you by Angie. Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs and projects done well. Let me tell you, there's the version of it where you try to do something at home and then there's a version of it where you have someone help you, you watch them do it the right way and you go, thank God I didn't try to do that myself.

I have fully done things around the home that I think look good and then a bang in the night and I wake up to a shelf collapsing, a painting falling off the wall. Like it, I've seen it all go south. I own a home and I can tell you, I know how much work it can take. Whether it's everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. But now all you need to do is Angie that.

and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need. Whatever your home project, big or small, indoor or outdoor, you can Angie that and connect with skilled professionals to get the project done well. Right now, one of my wishlists is I want a bike for my condo in Milwaukee, and I would love...

to rig it up on a pulley in the ceiling because I have one of those like lofted ceilings, but I'm so scared to try that on my own. Angie has 20 years of home experience and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online or with the Angie app. Answer a few questions and Angie can handle the rest from start to finish or help you compare quotes from multiple pros and connect instantly, which means you can take care of any home project in just a few taps.

This episode is brought to you by Shopify. Whether you're selling a little or a lot...

Shopify helps you do your thing, however you cha-ching. From the launch your online shop stage, all the way to the we just hit a million orders stage. No matter what stage you're in, Shopify's there to help you grow. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash special offer, all lowercase. That's shopify.com slash special offer.

hi guys welcome back to x's and o's a podcast where we talk about queer relationships and sex i'm your host shannon beverage should i turn the light on in the back does that do anything for everyone this was bound to happen eventually just based off of my experience with posting online and knowing myself and uh

the thing that's bound to happen is that I want to disappear. I do not want to be filming this right now. I do not want to talk and I don't want anyone to know anything that I'm feeling, anything that I'm thinking. I like literally want to disappear and it's an experience I've had

always with social media and it's like something that ebbs and flows and most times it's like a situational thing or like something triggers it and I'm like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa sometimes it's just like general mental health stuff or like general life stuff and not so specific I knew that this would happen eventually with this podcast especially since I'm posting regularly for the first time took eight weeks but finally I really really really really really don't want to be doing this right now today

That's not the reality. And I also know that I'm so privileged that this is my job and this is something I get to do and that I have this platform and I'm not going to take it for granted. So I am here. Here I am.

Hi. But how do I talk about this week? I am a very avoidant person and the thing that I avoid most has got to be myself and my feelings. I'm going on month four of my breakup and I think I wanted to pretend I was much further along in that process than I was. I think you can hear my laundry. I'm gonna go pause it. I feel bad because I... Sorry for being a Debbie Downer. This...

This is what's current happening.

happening now, currently happening. But I'm also not going to like sugarcoat things and pretend like I'm in a good mood when I'm not in a good mood or like that things are good when they're not good. And things feel bad right now today. Things feel bad this week feels bad and it's my own fault. So don't feel bad for me. I'm just going to keep the beginning of these podcasts honest and I feel like the mental health check-in that I started and like wasn't necessarily the plan that is become I think the

something I probably will keep doing forever, is on track like I should be talking about this. You know when you're running and your feet get out from underneath you and then you like have to keep running but you're trying to get your feet underneath you but they just get further and further behind you and then you are eventually going to fall? That's kind of how all of January felt for me. I was losing some self-control and anxiety

it was like only a matter of time before everything imploded and then you know things imploded and I watched this TikTok today of this girl being like I'm the type of person who needs like everything to go wrong and everything to fall apart for me to actually be like whoa fix these things and I guess I'm kind of like that too the problem is usually my decision making only hurts myself and

And I'm all for hurting myself, which is not good. This is not a positive thing. It's something I need to work on in general. But in general, I usually am like, whatever, if I'm only hurting myself, it's fine. When I hurt other people's feelings, it is no longer fine. It is like so not fine. Yeah, I've just made some decisions that have hurt other people and that is fine.

not cool. It feels so like disruptive in your body when you like make decisions that you know aren't things that you would and do stand by. Because of that, I'm going into February with a very different mindset and I'm also doing like a dry February. I'm not gonna drink. You've heard of dry January. Ever heard of dry February?

You're looking at it. So I'm going to not drink. Honestly, if I could lock myself in my room and give myself jail time in here, I would because I just want to like, I want everything to slow down and settle. I think I was like moving at like a million miles per hour and now I'm like,

Please slow down. And my body is also like, please slow down. I had therapy on Monday and I was explaining like some of the ways that I feel like physically when I'm when I'm anxious. My therapist was like, yeah, you know, you're like describing a panic attack. And I'm like, yeah, but it's like the panic stays. There's no attack. It's like steady all the time. This podcast is so complicated to talk about like relationships and sex and also be really respectful of, you know, people in real life.

And without also being like so vague. So I'm not trying to be so vague, but all you really need to know is I have made mistakes and I've hurt people's feelings and I am human. I'm trying to give myself some grace, but at the same time, I'm also trying to

assess and change and not continue to make the same mistakes make different change change my patterns please god change your pattern Shannon anyway I'm really excited for this episode I hope you guys like it they are so funny Rachel and Mackenzie are so funny uh if you don't watch their podcast you should check out their podcast if you haven't seen the episodes I was on with them maybe check them out right after this one or before it whatever works for you

I think we talk about some things like callbacks to that in this episode. So if there's something you hear and you're like, wait, that was interesting. I want to know more. Go listen to their podcast. There were two that I did with them. Here's to a better February manifesting for all of you and myself.

I love that you lit a candle and put on music and made us go sit right on your bed. I think that's, I think that's the way to podcast. Check, check. I'm going to be right around here. And here I am. Check, check. One, two. Okay. Professional. It's giving. News anchor. Here, let me know if you need more room too. I can literally be within McKenzie. Yeah, whatever you need, I can do it. Now, do you go to camera?

I don't. I usually talk like this. But kind of the same as y'all's, I feel. Yeah. Right? Like a mix of all of the above. Okay, let me start. Wait, do you have an intro song? Do you have a theme song? This is so fun. Okay. Okay.

Hi guys, my name is Shannon Beveridge. Welcome to X's and O's, a podcast where we talk about queer relationships and sex. And today I have the amazing podcasters, two dykes and a mic. I don't know how to like intro you guys as like a unit. That was really good. Really? Yeah. Rachel and Mackenzie, they're also...

hilarious and comedians and you should click their links when they sell tickets to their shows yes wait that's exactly yeah you should go watch them be comedians and listen to their podcast I was on their podcast I also did their live podcast so you may have seen them and then obviously I need to have them on my podcast and this is my first episode ever with two people that aren't me yeah have you ever had two people simultaneously in your bed oh I know I mean for like hanging right I've never had a threesome

wow breaking news starting strong yeah i'm gonna start way too strong have you guys had a threesome no but people kept asking me there was a uh i feel like i had a season where that's what everyone was like really titillated by yeah and then because everyone wanted it so much it kind of turned me off to it i was like can we not again with this it seems like a lot of

It's too many hands. Well, I feel like, okay, too much vagina, too much hands. I'm like too many legs. I'm sorry. Where do I put my heart in this situation? Sorry. I'm a cancer sign and I. We want the emotion. It was really cute. I feel like there's too many. You know what? There's like fads in sex. Yeah. Where people, do you remember everyone was like. Well, it's choking. Okay. Yeah. Choking was huge. Yeah. Choking was big. And then spitting was a major one. Yeah. And then three songs. I don't know what it is right now. Squirting. Yeah.

Okay. Hey, Shannon, we said don't talk about squirting. We specifically said we can't stop talking about squirting and here we are. It started right at the beginning. I'm a top, yeah.

yeah yeah yeah I feel like it is that right now 2024 it is giving squirt I feel like it's I feel like we're in a big poly phase we are in a fucking poly phase right we're well an open yes openness is like all the right yeah everyone wherever I go everyone asks if I'm open I'll be like where is your girlfriend right now and they're like she's fucking somebody yeah everyone

open on a date yeah literally out people assume that i'm open and what's interesting is i'm actually i'm not open i'm just annoying yeah and so people think that that you get those you can get those confused it's a very similar energy yeah wait would you guys ever be open i'm open to being open when i'm like much older i'm open to being open yeah i feel like when i'm 60 that we've talked about this i feel like i'm gonna have like a sex renaissance when i'm 45

I'm like 55 because I'm going to be married but every time we talk about long term stuff I always tell Nazara or whoever she is my angel I tell her I'm like I can't who knows if

I can't rule out needing to go to a sex party later in my life. Yeah. I don't know if I believe in like forever monogamy. Yeah. Like it sounds scary, but maybe I do. Yeah. But I don't know because I'm not in a relationship now too. So I like, I don't even know who my future partner is exactly. Well, what's fun is you can always change too. Yeah. That's what I feel like is way more, I didn't realize being in a long-term relationship

is basically saying, I want to grow with you forever. So it always is changing. I feel like that's what I've been learning is like, I kind of always thought when you found somebody, you get into a rhythm and you enjoy it. But really what it is, is like there is no rhythm. It's chaos.

It's a lot of chaos at all times and like buckle up. And then you're saying, however, this ride goes, I think it's going to be with you. Yeah. So who knows? I think that's nice to go into a relationship, realizing that you can be malleable with that person. Yes. And just always ever changing. That's really sweet. Sorry. Should I leave? I mean, no, no, no. This episode is brought to you by Shopify, whether you're selling a little or a lot.

Shopify helps you do your thing, however you cha-ching. From the launch your online shop stage, all the way to the we just hit a million orders stage. No matter what stage you're in, Shopify's there to help you grow. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash special offer, all lowercase. That's shopify.com slash special offer.

but you guys are both in relationships you're just got married just got married and you just got engaged yeah that's kind of crazy that you're on like the same trajectory always shannon from the day we met that's crazy we both have the same tattoo we're both born in a week apart a few days apart a week apart yeah are you the same sign yes crazy we also have the almost exact same chart through and through are you the exact same age yeah oh my god

I'm older by a few days, which shocks everyone. One whole week. One whole week. And we live in the same stone's throw of each other. We moved to LA in the same month of the same year. Yeah. You kind of are like soulmates. I'm so glad you said that. I believe that. Every once in a while, I think to myself, did I make up Mackenzie in my mind? Can you see her? If I'm real, which one's fake? No, we think about it all the time where I'm like, do I turn off when Rachel leaves? Yeah.

Do I actually just like go in a corner and shut down? No, it's crazy. But you guys never liked each other. No. No, I'm not attracted to...

To blondes. To blondes. You're not attracted to blondes. I mean, I don't want to like blanket statement, but we, I feel like actually what is kind of beautiful, when I met Mackenzie, I was in the phase of my life where I was like, I didn't know a lot of queer people growing up. So when I met, I was at a phase where every, if anyone around me was gay, I thought it was my duty to have sex with them. You know what I mean? Yeah. I feel like I'm still there. Yeah.

Kidding, I'm kidding. You know what I'm talking about. No, you're not. You know what I'm talking about. I just didn't know any... And I just was like, I was really worried about never meeting any other queer people. So when Mackenzie... You thought I was trying to hook up with you immediately. Yeah. Yeah, because I was like, I'm gay. And I was like, got it. You want to fuck? Got it. So we're in love? Right. Question mark. I'm all business. All business. And I think it actually really opened up to my...

my kind of world of what how important and beautiful queer friendship is yeah where you don't fuck all of your friends I think Mackenzie may be my only friend I haven't had sex with good job thank you it's so beautiful yeah I mean I tried for a second no you didn't

Because I've seen you try with people. I'm a straight shooter. Yeah. If you tried with me, like, I would have known. Yeah. It would have been obvious. Yeah. It would have been pretty obvious. When you're... I was in a closeted friend thing for a while. So then when I got out of the closet, I was like, no more of that. No. I'm straight shooting. Yeah. But yeah, we've been... We've never had sex with each other. We've kissed twice and each time worse than the last. It's so... It's no lip. No lip. All teeth. Yeah. I know. I know.

I like had to immediately look at y'all's lips. What lips? I'm like picturing you kissing. I'm like, we're lipless lesbians. It's just two teeth. It's bonking. No, we kissed because you had done, it's both of the times you did specials, like comedy specials. Got it. I gave her like a peck. It was a peck. She brought me flowers. We kissed. It was a special. Yeah. Yeah.

It was a friend kiss. It's probably nice. Yeah. I'm a big kisser. You guys probably haven't had sex since you worked together all the time. That would be insane. Yeah. HR. Yeah. HR huge. It is us. I'm HR. It is us still. It sucks to be your own boss sometimes in those ways. No one's making the rules except for you. Yes. Yes. Wait, have you ever hooked up with somebody you worked with?

No, I've never. Well, have I ever had a job? Right. Have you? Oh my God. I mean, yeah, I had jobs. I worked like in, I was like a bartender and stuff. But as soon as I graduated college, I went straight influencer. Wow. Lesbians really do hook up with like everyone, like all of their friends. Yeah. But I never did that because I've always had a girlfriend. I think that's why I've gotten away with like being safe, safe zone. I kind of miss having a girlfriend because I like had rules to live by and I like want them back. Oh God. Oh God.

do you need boundaries i don't know how to make them for myself clearly i'm like oh my god give me another girlfriend no i think you're right though like i think lesbians do like i think more than other communities we will have sex with our friends first and then be like like there are so many friend groups that it's like oh right we did used to sleep together and like it is more like

I feel like it's less weird. I feel like queer community in general, like gay men, same thing. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's just like, but then I feel like I'm sleeping platonically with somebody. Yeah. And what's the point of that? That's not fun. Are you guys good at casual dating?

We did say we're Cancers. So, no. Do you mean casually dating for a year or two? That's a long... Yeah. I feel like I definitely... You're not. I'm going to answer for you immediately. I was trying really hard to...

I would get out of like a long relationship and then I would try to date. And I would try to do that thing where I was like, I'm hitting the pavement. And I would then, I think, immediately find myself in a relationship again. Yeah. Where I'd be like, uh-oh. She's perfect. That's not... She's perfect for me. But I also...

I have so many crushes and I think like my I have that thing where I'll be absolutely enthralled and deeply fascinated with women. Yeah. The way where you're like I'm writing poetry. I'm seeing their sweatshirt when I close my eyes. I'm smelling their perfume. Yeah. So that's not casual huh? No dude.

nothing you've ever done is cash no I'm pretty intense yeah what about you do you can did you ever keep it cash absolutely not and if I did they wouldn't let me yeah or I always and I this happened a lot I would either go on like so many dates with somebody or I would only get two and they would be like pass yeah

so that happened a lot I feel like people have been they'll write into two dykes in a mic we have this ask a dyke segment and I feel like there's a lull right now in app dating where the apps are not leading to more dates like the people are getting stuck on the apps yeah I think I've been hearing a lot of people are going now back to IRL dating yeah like and meeting up with people that's the only way I've ever dated really I

That's hot though. That does track. That feels right for you. Yeah. I feel like, I don't know. I like don't want to date a random person. But I guess like, is Instagram a dating app?

For me. Yeah, for you it is. That makes sense. For anyone. I feel like for lesbians in general. I keep getting asked about that too, about like dating apps not working. I'm like, go on Instagram. Find people and slide in their DMs. Yeah. Okay, wait, do you click on your like discover page? Yeah, how are you finding them? No. No. My discover page is like skin rashes. I don't even know like what happened. Excuse me? I swear to God. My discover page is like.

Skin rashes. It's like skin rashes, tattoos, and Ariana Grande. It's my whole explore. What's your explore page? You know it's pugs. Yeah. It's all pugs and vegan food. That's incredible. And I would prefer that over mine. But that's a married woman's Instagram explore page. For sure. What's yours? Mine's just...

It's set up the vibrator. I set up that phone thing. So I keep getting calls from people. You have to tell Shannon what your mom found under your pillow. I had my family stay with me last weekend. Mm hmm.

and Nazar and I for Christmas my fiance for Christmas we always do like Santa gifts but the Santa gifts are sex toys got it and she was hiding a gift that she bought me in our guest bedroom under the pillow and my family was staying in that guest bedroom and then they woke up and my mom brought out bondage rope and was like hey this is under the pillow

I said, did you wake up on my... She also had slept on it. Yeah, all night. She slept on it. And honestly, she was like, that was the best night. I didn't sleep, my God. But wait, this is what I thought after. I was like, okay, you know how when you buy a pack of tarot cards, they're like, you should sleep on it.

So get like your like energy in it. Now your sex rope has your mom's energy. Are you going to keep it? I'm not going to use it. You can't. You couldn't possibly. No. I took a picture of it to like send to our editor, but I'm going to have to just, I don't know. Do you have to do a friend? What do I do with this rope? You should pull it out right now. Shannon, I got you this. I should have brought it for you. Wait, could she tell that it was sexual? Like, like what did it look like? It said bondage on it because it's like Japanese bondage rope.

And that is, yeah. Cause I, this weekend, I wish that it was like, what's this? And it's like just loose rope. Cause then it could have been like, Oh, we were like bungee jump practicing. Bungee jump practicing. Yeah.

You're so bad on the spot. I know. I'm such a bad liar. The fact that it literally just said bondage. Bondage, sex, tie your partner up, rope. Fuck, I know. But she's a good line dancer and that was fun. But you found so many of your parents' sex toys. Throughout my whole life, I have found their sex toys all the time. And we share an Amazon account. That's... No. I'm scared. Yeah. You can't do that. I don't think...

are we buying sex toys on amazon my parents are you shouldn't i don't jeff doesn't need to be involved in my uh sex life yeah that's smart also splurge yeah get nice ones good stuff right yeah if it's going in you or on you and no you buy your shit great do you guys feel like you are secure with your partners because you're married yeah yeah i feel very secure yeah

Yeah, I could not see her for like a week and I'd be like, we're still so fucking close. I was just talking to a friend recently who's married and she was telling me that like the second that they became married,

a lot of her anxiety went away and she was like a really anxious attached person and then she was like this commitment is real and we're good now yeah well we were just talking about that because you're engaged i feel like the engagement period for me was i was having so much anxiety but it was kind of about what we were talking about earlier with the when you think you have to be in a closed for the rest of your life and that there's no chance of like any type of um

I don't know. Yeah. Malleableness within the relationship. Yeah. I feel like it's, when you were describing different attachment styles, I could identify certain people bring out certain things within me. But then once I was with who I'm engaged to now. What's her name? Do you not say her name? Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.

She does all the time. No, I do. Her name's Nazari. She's everywhere. Like, I feel like your relationship is... It's there. We can see it. Oh, right. You can see it. She's the hottie in my pictures. I've been way more secure...

with her and there's so many different factors I got older I got sober and we had a much longer courting period than I have in the past typically I'll get into a relationship and very quickly they want me to be monogamous and to be their girlfriend and to like close everything up like really quickly with Nazara things moved way at a pace that I was like not being pushed at so everything else kind of naturally became more comfortable so

So with Nazara, I feel like I am more... I know exactly where she's at, like, emotionally with me. So I have felt more secure in that. But I know in the past I've had other feelings, I feel like. Yeah. It's almost like you found your person. Yeah, for sure. Well, for sure, for sure. Yeah, that's nice. But it's fun because it does change. Like, I think...

Nazara's a great person for me but I also did a lot of like time on my own before I met her so it was like a lot of different things that happened at once like if I were to meet Nazara at a different time in my life like would it have ended up this way like I probably would have been a drunk piece of shit so like it's also timing I think

Divine. Divine. Divine. That's meant to be. You guys are really cute. Yeah. Okay. Can we talk about lesbian weddings? Of course. We have to. We must. That's why we were here. It is something... I have a lot... I think I have a lot of anxiety around... First of all, I'm single, so...

What am I anxious about? But my whole life I've been like anxious about how I envision my wedding. And like, I think it's obviously probably internalized homophobia one big time and to just like heteronormativity too. Yeah. Like what, what does it look like? Who's walking down the aisle first? Like, are we walking with our dads or are there boys and girls? And I don't know. I can't see it. I can't fucking see it, but maybe because I have not met the right person to marry, but like, I can't see it. I'm like,

It makes me so anxious to even think about it. I hear that all the time where lesbians or queer women in general have not even thought about what it would look like. I don't see it. I cannot picture it. That's me. I have not pictured it once. And you're engaged. Well, I never once thought I would be married. I didn't want to be married. I didn't see myself as a married person. I thought you said you wanted to be rollerblading down the aisle. Oh, yeah. With tails. Literally a tuxedo with gigantic tails. I'm like, Nazar, better not listen to this. I'm literally getting a suit...

Made a tuxedo with tails. Wait, I want to be flowing down the aisle. People are going to be like, is that them going for a world record? Yeah. But you also wanted your exes there to kind of send you off. Every one of my exes is invited to the wedding. They have to stand up and read a toast to me and Nazara. Yeah. You had goals. Yeah. You've had goals. But those are only... You're seeing a lot more than I see. That's only come after I...

I was going to get married. Yeah. But before that, I hadn't envisioned it at all. Yeah. I think you should go big. For sure. I want to ride on a horse. Yeah. I think it has to be loud and like nothing traditional. Yeah. What about you? Did you ever think about it before you did it? Never. Yeah. Literally never. And I wanted to, as you know, I told you, I wanted to be in a hole.

like a literal dirt hole if that was my ideal wedding it's like no one's looking at me I'm kind of by myself in this hole kind of saying my vows at shouting it out to my wife like I'm just so yes

Honestly, that would be perfect. But you're a comedian and you're like on stage and you. I'm so shy when it comes to like stuff like that. Like actual like personal. I don't. I think that there's like a misconception too of like we're comedians and also like I'm also very outgoing. People expect me to have like a 200 person wedding and we are planning for like nine. Yeah. Like tiny. I have under 10 at mine. That's the way to do it. Wow. We like eloped. Got it. Because I don't want anybody looking at me. Yeah. Fair. Hysterical. If I could be in a hole, that would be great. Just kidding.

Just bury me here. And you and your wife both wore dresses, right? We did wear dresses. There was one point where I was like, maybe I would do a pantsuit or something. But then they just didn't look right. And I didn't have time to get like a stylist or somebody to like make me one. So I did just go with like a pretty traditional dress. But I will say when I went dress shopping, it was like.

very hetero like it was awful I loved having my family there but I fully broke out in hives because I was like so I do think I don't like when people look at me but it felt like so much pressure and you're on like almost like a little wedding cake yeah showing everybody on a little thing look like you know and it felt um like the the anxiety I got in high school when I was like faking being straight yeah

That makes sense to me. But it also makes me so sad. It was sad. And I picked a dress, I think, because I was so nervous that day and like the pressure of like, they all want you to find a dress today. You know, your family's like, today's the day. So I picked a dress, but I think if I had more time or somebody that could have told me this, I would have done something differently. Okay. Well, you look beautiful. I looked at the pictures because I was preparing for today. I'm literally falling. I'm wailing. Do a smoke show. You look beautiful.

You literally look so beautiful. Like, I think the thing too with the dresses, it's like, how do you compliment? Y'all's complimented each other as well, I feel. We're so different. Yeah. That we would have never picked the same thing. Like, I'm very classic. But did you talk about it? No. Were you like, what dress are you wearing? Like, should we have like the same...

Like I never thought because she's such a Jersey girl. Like she used to get like hot Miami style. Like she was I was like, she's going to go big or like I was like, it's either going to be a Cinderella huge dress or something like that where it was like Lacey. Yeah.

yeah what you're gonna wear a suit i'm gonna wear a suit for sure nazar is gonna wear a dress and i have no idea what she's gonna wear and she has no idea what i'm gonna wear but i'm like my fear is that it's gonna be the wrong color but i don't really fucking care because like you should i want her to wear exactly what she wants to wear yeah and she knows that i'm gonna look like a big gay clown no matter what because i want to go big yeah but i my mom gave me her dress so i'm gonna use the materials from her dress to make parts of the suit

I'm going to cry. That's so cute. That's so cute. Are you the only...

My sister used a part of my mom's wedding hat. My mom wore a hat too. Okay, why did moms wear hats? There's something going on with the hats. It's 80s, 90s, yeah. They loved it. My mom, I think, was like a cowboy hat. I know I'm from Texas, but my mom's from Pennsylvania, so there was no point. I literally think that's probably why you're gay. Yeah, you're so right. For sure. Do you think if your mom wore a hat at her wedding, her daughter would be gay?

That makes sense. It all tracks. It's all tracking. Anyone? You guys comment below. Statistics are banned. Did your mom wear a hat? But yeah, we'll wear, I'll wear like a tuxedo and I'm going to look like very particular. What color? White. Crisp. Silk. White. White. Like a virgin that you are. Like a virgin. Exactly. You know me. Yeah, I know you. Waiting till marriage.

And I wonder, I don't know what Nazar is going to do, but she'll wear a dress and then... But it's so weird, like, when I came out, I was, like, in a religious house, and the huge point of contention that lasted for, like, six years was that my dad would not come to a wedding if I married a woman. So all of that, this is what I find to be, like, the most...

Like, what kind of a wedding you have if you're gay, like, whatever, two suits, two dresses. Like, the hardest part that I've noticed the difference is, like, when you are queer and you decide to get married, that's when you, we basically, Nazara and I, and you guys, that's when your family literally has to be like, we have to go through, like, okay, who is actually a bigot now? Right.

Like who's going to show up and who's going to be an issue? Because like, I think sometimes when you come out, there are people in my family that I think still were like, this is probably a phase that she'll hopefully grow out of. Or they still, there's like certain people in your family that still just hope that you will still end up with a man and have kids. Yeah. And when you'd get married, there are some people in your family that will have to face the fact that like, wow, you're really, you're really gay. You're really gay. Yeah. Or they didn't notice after your haircut. No, literally. I'm like, what does it take? There's a mullet.

Even before the haircut. Honestly, they cried at the mullet. The Bermuda shorts. Yeah. But I have to say, though, I had a lot of people that surprised me where I thought that they would be huge bigots and then they weren't. That's sweet. You might get more of those than you think. Yeah. Actually, you surprise you. People surprise me. I have been getting that from my family where I'm like, wow, this especially since like I know all of us came out like quite like a long time ago. Yeah.

I'm still coming out. Every day. But for real, don't we? Now that I cut my hair and

i'm coming out less i'm coming out less and less i'm like nice just this tiny haircut that's all you guys needed to know i'm gay okay i might keep it like this forever now recently a good friend close who was like i thought you married a man close literally so close literally like two days to the wife has met my wife has met my wife and was like i thought you married a man named eric he literally is like i thought his name was eric

It was so upsetting. I'm upset. Yeah. So I'm like, maybe I need a cut. Maybe I need a trim. Yeah, it's time. I'd love to see you bald. You know? I'd love to see you fully Tilda Swinton bald. That's the thing. I'll get Tilda every day. That's her number one comment. Really? Tilda. Okay. No. I heard it in your voice. You said, okay, I see it. You said, I see it. There was a part of you. You immediately were like, no. Yeah. You're like, oh, that's who I was thinking of. Yeah.

No way. That's an old Tilda Swinton. I'm dead. Oh my God. Okay. We got so sidetracked. Wait, tell us about your possible wedding. Like, have you thought about your wedding and would you wear a dress? Dress? Great question. That's the only thing I can like picture. And the only thing I've always been consistent on is I think whenever I get married, I want to hire like a, I want to, I need to have enough money for this wedding.

It's a dream. But I would want to hire a designer to design my wife's dress, my fiance's dress, and then use the same materials to design whatever I want to wear, which I don't know exactly. I don't want to wear a suit. Like, I don't think I want to be in a blazer. Yeah. But I want to wear something that's also, I want to wear pants. There will be pants involved. There will be pants. It's just like, what is the top? That's a jumpsuit.

You could do like a cami, like something that has straps but then pants. That's kind of what I saw myself in. Lesbians are bringing back the vest. No. The formal sleeveless vest. No, they're not. No, no, no. Barry Keoghan is bringing back the vest. Oh, right. Literally, I just was talking to someone about this. He's dressed like a little lesbian. Like, is that supposed to do that? Rapinoe? Is that supposed to be right? Imagine this, guys. Just check everything. No, it's good.

uh why do i never know how to say her name rapino rapino rapino like he dresses like rapino yes for sure they are the same he dresses like rachel circa 2007 for real i know do we like it i don't want to bring back i did just wear a vest at my sister's wedding last year though i like it but i don't i'm shitting on the vest no no no i don't but i i don't want to wear that to my own wedding i want it to be more special did you have arms out

Arms were out. That's hot. Do you want to take a picture? Yeah. So badly. Rachel's already looking at it on her phone. My sister just was sending me pictures literally yesterday. How weird. There I am. Oh, you officiated. I talked.

talked wait i did a little shannon i did a little thing great arms you're such a slam piece what look at my long hair y'all this is this is just last year that's crazy i guess it's all yeah but yeah i've never seen you with long hair i like the short hair wow yeah what do you think girl god you're gorge like a celebrity you're like a like tanned and beautiful like these arms out like that they

It's the edit. They edited it? They edited it. They did great. It's not me. The edit. If we bring back the vest, then I can bring back out all my pocket watches. Stop. Nobody's asking for this. How are we talking about pocket watches again? How often do you talk about this? Whenever I'm around you. Wait, she never does. This is Shannon only. When I see you, I go, pocket

I need to get one. Yeah. I think that's all though that I really picture. It's just like the outfit thing. But I can't even picture it still. But I think like I would want like a designer I trust to be like, make me something. Make me look like pretty but also like boy. Yeah. Pretty. Yeah. Gender fluid. I do feel like you've mastered that look. I'm trying. It's every day. It's a new day. Someone said I dress like Joe from You.

Oh man. Like on my last podcast episode, I'm like, and then they said in an, in a good way though, in a good way, like in a murderous baseball halfway. Yeah.

yeah i've been called a trucker a lot recently which i'm but that's kind of processing you kind of calling yourself a trucker no it's not self-proclaimed those are the comments that we delete oh sorry nope it wasn't me my burner account i do troll myself from i have another account where i will troll yeah myself it's fun yeah i love that for you for me i

I think I've like mastered casual outfits, but the business casual. But where are you going that you need biz cash? Like sometimes like stupid influencer events where it's like not like whatever is in between like black tie and casual. I'm like, I hate. You just need like an Aritzia top. That's all I do. Yeah. I do. My whole closet. That's my business casual side. Same. It's all Aritzia. I forget. We're literally in your room. Do you want to go?

We talked about it. We'll be going over that. It is hard when you are gay and you want to wear. When you I feel like we're really good at like athletic and casual. And then if you can go super formal, we can kind of get there. But the in-betweens, it's like miserable. I have nothing. Why am I pulling out suspenders right now? Why am I like, let's put on a bow tie that's casual. No, a bolo tie.

I mean, you're in a... I feel like right now you are in a bizarre outfit. I'm always in things that are not quite right, but it works for me. These are Hugh Hefner pajama pants. Yeah. Thrifted. With an REI vest. You have thrifted pajama pants? Yeah, I washed them. Okay. It's not okay. It's not okay. The top that matches this exactly...

one button missing missing two more buttons so when I wear it it's all tits which I don't want to have in the first place I know so I'm walking around just looking at myself like what are you doing here at my tits what the fuck are you guys doing here you've got to get those off I know I know it's expensive I'll get married and then we'll take it from there you're gonna get married before you get rid of them first oh my god you guys sound like all the men in my head screaming at me

I have a board meeting of men screaming at me in my head to get my tits off. Get rid of those. I know. It's hard. Are you going to CGI them out of the wedding photos? Probably. Or I'll be binding and then the suit maker will, you know, make them hopefully look like they're gone. Get rid of them. A boob job. You'll put a boob job. Wear buttons. I'm going to be wearing a thousand buttons. But all the buttons are over my nipples. It makes no sense. It makes no sense.

I'm dead. We're having fun. Wait, when are you getting married? I'm hoping for November. Oh, wow. I feel like you could... Before November? Yes. This July. I think you could do it...

like in a month if you want it it isn't that way every time you guys are like no it's not some people are scared of surgery it's right my i had a roommate who had top surgery and i was there did the whole thing and it was like you could do it in and out snip snap pretty much it was not like i mean it's a huge deal obviously for many emotional and everything but like right

It was not bad. That part doesn't worry me. Yeah. No, the physical part, I think the biggest thing is like raising your hands over your head. But how often do you need to do that? All the time. Overhead presses, Arnold presses. Are you doing those? Yes. A lot. She does a lot of dunking. All the time. And I'm dunking. Dunking. That's what I do when I see my ex in a bar. You know what? Worth it. I heard exes in a bar. You're like,

Now I'm causing the scene. Now I'm causing the scene. But also you're like, if you win, if you do, it's nice that you'll have a partner because I think that was like a big thing. It's like obviously like changing your shirt and like that stuff. You're talking about me, right? Yeah. A partner.

You have your partner. But like, actually, we're on the road. Yeah. I will be with you 24-7. Yeah. You guys are so lucky to have each other. I feel super lucky. It's beautiful. I feel like it's the fucking best. I know. I look at the rest of the world and I'm like, how do you guys get out and live without Mackenzie Goodwin by your side? You guys. Tear. Tear. Tear. Tear. Barf. Like, should I leave now? Yeah. We're going to need the room. Leave it rolling.

Wait, are you going to tell them what happened? Oh my God. About the camera set up? Well, I keep leaving my camera and my podcast set up at the end of my bed in between every episode. And so a light camera light. Yeah. And you can imagine if I ever had anyone over to my house in my life, I don't know if I ever have, but if I ever did, I

If, allegedly, if I did, I have to be like, don't worry, I'm not filming this. Which makes you really seem like you're filming it. That's not a camera. That's not a camera. That's not a camera. We walked in here and we were like, are we live streaming to a foreign country? Yeah. I'm going to need to break it down. I'm going to start doing it. You have to. At least take the camera off the tripod, right? For sure. Definitely the camera. And also, this light's huge, man. But I would leave the lights on. No. No.

No, that's fun. This is bright for sex. Yeah, this is giving blue is the warmest color. It really is. Oh my God. Why did they have sex in the bright light? I don't know, but it was inspiring. Too bright. Not enough spaghetti. Not bright enough. I hated the way that girl ate food. Yeah, we all did. It made me so upset. I was like, stop showing me this. Stop it. It was bad. I'm into it. People did like it. I know a lot of people who liked it. And I was like, no. I love to hear it. Yeah, but it was not.

It's hot. No. Have you ever seen The Handmaiden? Yes. The best movie ever. Okay. Thank God. Rachel's so into the thimble. The fucking, the grinding. You love that? Yeah. I've started to get sex toys that are like hard and we can freeze them and then I just want to hear them.

Wow. Wait. Weird, huh? Can you explain that? I'll show you. I got to show you my freezer, dude. So red. I'm like, you got to get in my freezer. No, like, listen, the older I get, the weirder, the more specific the kinks are. You know what I mean? Like, I want to be smushed to almost the point of death. Yeah. Smushed?

yeah okay then the ropes yeah sense you should do what is that called shibari yeah yeah that seems right for you i know that seems smushy wait are you still having sex on the floor yeah we moved to a bedroom i literally thought of you i had sex in the bed for the first time i was like i gotta tell shannon we're getting too close sorry we are lesbians are way too close with their friends i'm so happy that you thought of me yeah and how's your back doing

better actually better you're like gotta take shit my back is really better i think i've been fucking on the ground for too long aren't you hot yeah i wore you're in a vast many layers you guys i feel like two bras on and a long sleeve and a sweatshirt and a vest and i was like that's good did anyone ask questions for us or did they say who the fuck are those old people did ask do you want to see i'll open them

I'm scared. Because whenever we do it... The internet's been mean to me lately. Also, I think we did that for you and Zoe for Largo and everything that people said. They were like, tell Shannon we want to fuck her. Yeah. Let Shannon fuck us. It was like so... Let her. Yeah, let her. It says not a cue, but can you and your guests introduce yourself with your pronouns? I'm Shannon Beveridge and my pronouns are she, her. Well, you should go first. I'm Rachel Scanlon. My pronouns are kind of whatever you'd like. They're sure. She...

Sure. I'm Mackenzie Goodwin. My pronouns are she, her. If you could write the definition on Urban Dictionary of bottom and top, what would it be? I think bottom, it would just be a picture of me kind of over describing being a top. Yeah. Right? Just being like, I'm a top, I swear. That's a bottom definition. And a top?

Rihanna? No, she's a bottom. Remember that video? She came out as a bottom. No. She just posted a video last week for like Fenty. She dropped some more of her clothing for Valentine's Day, which I bought and it was expensive. Returned some. Yeah.

Hashtag not sponsored. Hashtag we need to be sponsored. Sorry. And she was like, the interviewer was like, are you a top or a bottom? And she goes, a bottom, of course. Disrespect me, is what she said. I was like, I can see that though. You know what I mean? Because sometimes like the bossiest people are like little bottoms. Yeah. They're like boss me. All right.

around now yes I do think Rihanna gives lesbian energy because ASAP looks like a woman yeah a beautiful woman a beautiful woman okay this is I didn't think I would ever talk about this on the podcast I'm so excited people used to tell me that I look like ASAP Rocky holy shit and I'm not kidding I like all the time on Tumblr same nose same eyes it's so weird I have a video can you of my friend made a video of me like morphing into ASAP no that's a good friend

You guys, it was such a thing. It was such a thing that I kept telling my friend. I'm like, I don't understand. Everyone keeps saying I look like ASAP Rocky. And she was like, that's crazy. And she's like, I'm going to make like a, she made a Jeff of me turning into him. And then she was like, you say Jeff. Love Jeff coming out your mouth. So sorry. Okay. Didn't know that was the controversial part of the conversation. Not me looking like ASAP Rocky.

I'm sorry. I've never been more hot in my life. You guys, I'm going to have to burn this. I have a beanie on. What are you doing? I'm hot too. Is this your formal beanie? This is my formal beanie. This is my business beanie. I've got friends coming over. We're going to light a candle. Well, do you remember? I think it was Shannon. When Shannon came over right before, I was like, I'm going to put on like a vinyl. Yeah, record. And you were like, she's going to show up and think we're trying to fuck her. Yeah. Wait, you guys, you walked in my door and I turned my vinyl on. No way.

I know. Okay. I'm going to find it and I'll put it in. I'll show you when we get out of here because I feel like it's too fucking hot. It is. This episode is awesome. This is good. We covered a lot. You're great at this. Am I? Yeah, man. It's almost like you've been doing it for what? 10 years or something? Yeah. That makes sense. But the YouTube thing is so different. Like it's so different than this. Really? Everything was so trend based and like there were like things like so much like confined content.

I don't know how to explain, but you know what I mean? It would be like, come beyond this video and we'll do like what name 10 of your favorite things or like put things in your mouth challenge. Like that's literally that's, but that's like the era of YouTube I was on. And then I feel like all YouTubers kind of got stressed when trends stopped being a thing. Cause like, or tags, like it was like the tags. And when people stopped making them, I feel like we all were like, what do we do? Yeah.

Literally. And then everyone's like, oh, we have burnout. Right. But I'm like, was it burnout or...

did the tags go away? Like we just all only were following like some method and now no one knows what to do. And everyone's just making podcasts. Everyone. Yeah. A lot of people are doing podcast. A lot of YouTubers have gone into podcasting. Everyone. I'm like, I don't think we all need one. No. Hopefully I do, but you do. Well, the second you even dropped a trailer, people were like, we want this content. Like you can tell that people want this, which is great. Yeah. I think. Yeah, it is. I hope anyway. Okay.

okay should i end this so we can talk actually like i want to hear really talk shit when it's over yeah okay thank you guys so much for watching please follow both of these lovely people on all their socials i'll have them all below uh and listen to two dykes and mike it's the funniest podcast it's like my favorite queer podcast well there's three i have three favorites tell us yours okay mine yep okay and my friend mal's made it out have you listened you should listen to us it's so it's really really good anyway

Please subscribe and do all those things. And yeah, love you. Hope you like the video. Hope you like the audio. Hopefully it sounds good. Who knows? Did you guys kiss? I went, I did the, and then I went, I literally thought you kissed each other, but because I only heard the third time on the pod. Yeah. Don't do it.