”lesbian” isn’t a bad word
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Okay, hi guys. My name is Shannon Beveridge. You're watching, you're listening to X's and O's, a podcast where I talk about queer relationships and sex, and we love those things. Okay, I'm going to be fully transparent with you guys. It is Tuesday right now. Tuesday as in the day before the podcast comes out. Tomorrow is Wednesday. That is the order of days, and I'm recording this. It's also Tuesday evening. It's

And I'm recording this now, which is...

bad. I'm being bad. That was a bad job of me. This week was really crazy, just like hectic. If you watched last week's episode, then you know that I was kind of like not in the world's best mood last week. I was a little bit feeling sad. I am feeling a lot better. I think I took the week and I was trying to be kinder to myself. I'm working on positive self-talk, which is

really unnatural and weird for me like to say nice things to myself feels so foreign because my inner voice is typically really critical and saying things even like just saying I trust myself

So weird. Like I feel weird and like I'm lying to myself and I hate lying. So I'm like, no, you don't you silly goose. But I am working on trying to change that. I feel like I've tried the same thing for 31 years, which is to be like hypercritical of myself and not that kind. And it's,

I mean, great things have happened. I am like, cannot complain about where I am in my life in so many ways, but also some things have not changed, you know? There's some stagnant situations going on, some patterns I haven't broken that maybe if I just try something new or trying something new, it's very exciting. Yeah. And so, yeah, I guess this week I tried to talk nicer to myself, speak nicer to myself and...

Although it is so foreign and weird, it does seem to be working a little bit. I am feeling a little bit happier this week compared to last week. Also, if you watched last week's episode, then you'll know that I am doing dry February. Ironically, the shortest month of the year, but I did start early. I started a few days early, so it will be longer than a month, I think, if it... Yeah.

If all things work in that way, it will be longer than a month. Something I didn't mention last week, but I had already decided, but I didn't mention it because I wasn't sure I was going to share with the internet. But who am I kidding? I share everything with the internet. It's kind of like my whole thing. So I also am doing celibate February. So it is a very dry month in more ways than one. Ew. Ew.

I don't know if I like that joke. For February, I'm just like cutting everything out. I'm also not smoking weed. I don't even smoke weed, but I've been known to like eat an edible or two. So not doing that, not doing anything. Dry, boring. It's honestly boring, but that is something me and my therapist talked about as well. It's like, it's okay if my life's a little boring. Maybe life should be a little boring for February. So February will be a little boring. And also it's going to be so fun this month.

My best friend Vanessa is coming in town. You guys may know her as Vwebs or Keep Up or Shut Up if you're back from the Tumblr days. And we will be recording an episode. So if you're watching this and you're like, oh my god, I love Vanessa, please comment questions for her and I to talk about when she's on the podcast. I'm so looking forward to the episode. I think it's going to be super fun. I think we may bring back some old trends of things we've done before. If you're listening to this and you don't know who Vanessa is, she is like my best friend.

my first best gay friend my first gay friend honestly really if you think about it and we met online on tumblr and she lives in canada we've never lived in the same state and we the same state we don't live in the same country what the fuck am i talking about we've never lived in the same country ever and all the time being friends and we've stayed friends since i was like 18. if you aren't sure

sure who she is, I can't wait to introduce you to her. And if you are sure who she is, I'm sure you're maybe excited to see her back on the channel because it's been a while.

Love that bitch. Now for really exciting news. This is a solo episode. You're only getting me today. The crowd goes wild. Mild. The crowd. Are you happy? Are you? Is this good or bad? I don't know, but it is. It is. I will be all by myself today and I feel good about it. I feel fine about it. There's going to be like minimal editing on this episode because as I said, I'm filming this the night before, but I've

I've also gotten notes that you guys want me to edit it less, which is so foreign to me. I'm so like, I want to like put in sound effects and do my old like YouTube videos.

things that I used to do the tricks that I would do to make things like way more like entertaining and fun and funny versus the podcast is like to me it's just like so much more like conversational which is just foreign to me but I also I understand the appeal in it me trying to convince myself to like my own podcast we have to start today's episode by talking about something that is trending currently on TikTok and that is the lesbian bar drama if you haven't seen it

A straight woman made a TikTok talking about going to Cubbyhole in New York, which is a lesbian bar, a tiny lesbian bar in Manhattan. And she talks about how a lesbian at the bar came up to her guy friend, straight male friend, and essentially was like, are you here with friends? And the guy's like,

Well, would it be a problem if I wasn't here with friends? And the lesbian's like, yes, that would be a problem. So the whole TikTok is this straight woman explaining that scenario and being like, is it really? Was it wrong? Is it wrong of us to be at the bar? Was it wrong of my straight guy friend to be at the bar? And she's just getting absolutely roasted.

by lesbians, by non-lesbians, by all kinds of people being like, yeah, like lesbians created a safe space for them. And then people who have all the spaces in the world came in and are like, why don't you guys want me here? Why can't we be here? And we have to explain that.

Apparently, we have to explain that. The irony is that the Cubby Hole is the first gay bar that I ever went to in my whole life. And ironically, I went with straight people for the first time that I ever went to a gay bar. But the story is so cute and I wanted to share it. So when I was underage, honestly, I think I was 20.

I was in New York. I was so closeted back at home and in college in Oklahoma. But I had came out to my sister and my sister was living in Manhattan. So I came to visit my sister for a whole summer. And that summer I was like pretty much out like around her friends, like all her friends knew I was gay. And it was like the first experience I had talking to anyone about being gay. And it was really...

So liberating and amazing and her friends were all very like open-minded and much older than me like ranging from like five years older than to like 10 years older than me. They were like my sister's Manhattan friends and they were just like they seem so cool to me and they seem so like open-minded and nice and liberal and

everything like I didn't really have going on in Oklahoma. And it was such a freeing experience to be around them and just be like so open. I don't know, my sister would be like, "Oh, this is my lesbian sister." And just like getting used to hearing that out loud and like getting comfortable in my skin. It was such an amazing summer for me. I think it made so much difference in my coming out journey. But yeah, I was still really not that comfortable with my sexuality, obviously. And there was one night I was out with my sister's friends. Casey wasn't even there.

And they were like, Shannon, have you ever been to a gay bar? And I was like, oh my gosh, no, I've never been to a gay bar. And I didn't have a fake ID. So like, I wasn't even really going to bars in New York when I was there. I was just going wherever we could go, like in the day, like bars that weren't bars, like restaurants and stuff. But I was with this one girl who kind of looked like me. And she was like, okay, we're going to get you into this bar. Sorry if you work at Cubbyhole. I did illegally go there one time. So, so, so sorry. I never used a fake ID. I'm so, I'm too, I'm so scared of getting in trouble. Like I have such an authority, like...

I'm scared of getting in trouble. So I never did this kind of thing. But this night, I was influenced by my straight friends. They were like, Shannon, we're taking you to the lesbian bar. There's a bar called Cubbyhole. It's around the corner. We're going. So they get me into the bar. So I am there. I was at Cubbyhole with straight people. But the context...

the context is key. I don't think that anyone can say no straight person should ever walk into a gay bar or a lesbian bar or whatever. Like that's unrealistic, but it's like within the story. Sometimes it's like an adorable story. Like my first time and my straight friends being like, we're going to get you into that bar, Shannon, we're going to show you the lesbians. And we were there probably like 30 minutes and they just were like,

What do you think? Like, do you feel comfortable? Do you feel cool? Do you feel like, do you like anyone? Is anyone your type? Like, it was a very sweet, wholesome, amazing time. And I will cherish that memory forever. Versus this lady's story from TikTok and her being like,

And these mean lesbians didn't want us to be in the lesbian bar. Can you believe it? It's like, yeah, you could. I can believe it. I can believe that they didn't want you there. We have no spaces. We have so few spaces as lesbians, as queer people in general. But like lesbians, like where where do we have where do we get to go? Like, where is our space?

It's so minimal. So I don't know. There's no real point of the story other than to be like, obviously, there's nuance in this conversation. It's not just like, oh, you're straight. Don't ever walk into a lesbian bar ever in your life. Like that's wrong. But like be respectful, obviously. And how are you as a straight woman then going to TikTok? Like, are you looking for allies to be like, oh, the lesbians were mean to you? Were the lesbians mean to you because you were in their space? That's so sad. No one gives a fuck.

No one cares. How do you not know that that story, your TikTok, is not going to be well-received? Like, no one feels bad for you, girl.

Duh. Anyway, that's my two cents on that story and my own story about Cubbyhole. Great bar. I hope if anything positive comes from the lesbian bar drama, it's that Cubbyhole gets more business because we would love to keep lesbian bars in business and lesbian spaces in business for as long as possible. We'd also like to open more lesbian spaces. Let's go lesbians. Let's go lesbians. This episode is brought to you by Shopify. Whether you're selling a little or a lot,

Shopify helps you do your thing, however you cha-ching. From the launch your online shop stage, all the way to the we just hit a million orders stage. No matter what stage you're in, Shopify's there to help you grow. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash special offer, all lowercase. That's shopify.com slash special offer.

You may remember that I started a phone line where you can either call or text and leave a voicemail or yeah, just a text message. And I've had that running now for a week, maybe a week and a half. And I've collected a few of my favorite texts and calls that I've gotten from you guys. And today's episode, that's what we're going to go through is...

y'all's advice questions and directly from your mouths to the screen to the pod. That's what we're doing today. I went through and curated some of the best questions. There's so many good ones. You guys are, first of all, hilarious. So many of y'all were like, I'm really high. I can tell. And some of them are so innocent. Some of them are so sweet. Some of them are sad. Some of them are, we're all over the place.

Lesbians are out here and we're all over the place. So lesbians and queer women in general. By the way, my phone number, if you want to be included in an advice question in the future or you want your voicemail to be included in the future, my phone number is 213-775-6258.

So you could be on the podcast too. I'm going to start with some text messages and I might bounce around between text messages and phone calls, but let's start. I look pretty feminine and I'm having a hard time getting read as straight, which I am not, lol. And I absolutely need to change something to look gay. I'm thinking about getting a nose, nostril piercing is what they said.

Do you think that that'll do the job? Any other advice is much appreciated. I'm dead that getting a nose piercing is the saving grace. You're like, then they'll know. If I have that nose piercing, people will know I'm gay. It might help. Truly, it might help. I think, yeah, there's a lot of things you can do to queer flag people between like so many, like there's so many little things. Keeping your nails short,

wearing a pin having tattoos in general I feel some people think is queer flagging but I don't know I think that like I think letting people know you're queer is so much more of an energy thing

And I don't know. I don't know. Like, I think it's like a skill you develop over time. And like the longer you're out, the more you realize other people are gay and you can clock queerness. And when you clock queerness, you do like the whole like nodding thing. And there's like a smile and there's like eye contact. There's these little I feel like there's these little minute things.

body language things that queer people do and it's not something I can just teach you it's not like okay if you see a gay person out in public hold their eye contact for two seconds too long like it's not like a formula like that it's just more so like a it's like a little dance it's this little gay dance that queer people over time you develop this skill of being like okay

This is me showing you I'm queer and that's you showing me you're queer. And now we're going to share this little queer moment together. And like it just it's this thing. It's like it's this beautiful little thing that happens and you'll get better and better at it as you get better at clocking queer people. I think you get better at showing queer people you're queer.

But yeah, look into queer flagging. I would Google it, do research, look into the different ways that just like over history, people have been showing people they're gay. You could also buy one of my hats or wear a hat in general. Apparently hats are pretty gay these days. You could cut your hair short, but if you don't want to do that, there are things you can do as a femme to show other queer people you're queer. Wear a lot of silver rings.

That's apparently a thing too. There's a lot of things you can do. I think it's like, it's truly like a skill you have to hone and develop over time. And once you get good at it, you're going to be, it will help you so much. You'll be set. I wish there was like an easy, perfect answer to tell you, but it's like, it just, it's something that you have to, it takes time. It's a skill you have to develop and you are going to do it. And you could also get a nose piercing. I totally, I encourage that if that's something you want.

That would probably help. It's crazy because for the longest time I wanted to do the opposite of queer flag. I wanted to like fly so under the radar. I wanted to be so gay, but I wanted no one to know I was gay so that I could like pass all the time pass. But yeah, obviously I let that go.

as you can see if you're watching if you're watching on youtube or spotify because on spotify there's video too how do you go about dating as a woman loving woman but not out to family just friends and your partner is pressuring you and giving an ultimatum and not wanting to respect or understand that this could be a life death situation and they knew the situation with my family on the first date but they were okay with it back then

Okay, that's a tough question. I feel like that is a common thing that a lot of queer people go through. There is something so beautiful and amazing about being out. And there's something so beautiful and amazing about being out with a partner.

And then you both being out together. It's the most freeing, amazing, great feeling in the world to just feel completely seen. And like there's no mask between you and any part of the world. You and anyone. Like you're just both together and out and everyone can see you for exactly what you are, who you are, and like...

It is an amazing, amazing, great, great, great, great, great feeling. And I could see why your partner wants that feeling for you. It doesn't necessarily sound like from this perspective.

question that's how this is exactly going for you but I do know that that happens in relationships a lot where people are like no but if you come out like life will be better and life will be better for both of us and life will be good and we can be like seen together it's a great feeling but not all situations are the same and some situations are life and death sometimes our safety should I mean our safety should always come first your safety should come first and

your partner should respect that as beautiful of a feeling as it is to be out and have the world know that about you it's not a beautiful feeling if it comes with a price and if the price is losing your family you should know your worth and know what's important to you and prioritize yourself and set the boundaries that you need to for yourself whether or not that makes your partner happy you're allowed to set that boundary and it's okay if you're not ready to come out to your family

that's okay. And no one should ever pressure anyone to come out before they are ready to come out. Whether they're doing it for the right or wrong reasons, like no one gets to decide, no one should get to decide other than you when you come out. I think a lot of times at the beginning of a relationship, you can tell someone these things, you can tell someone anything at the beginning of a relationship. And we all, I think, at the beginning of a relationship kind of have these rose-colored glasses and you're like,

okay, I'm okay with that. And then as time goes by, maybe it seeps in that you're not actually that okay with that. But you are allowed to set that boundary and then that's for your partner to respect or not to respect. And if they can't respect that, then maybe they're not the right partner for you at this time in your life when you're not ready to be out to your family. I hope that you can get to a place where that changes. I hope that there's a future for you where you get to be completely 100% yourself because you deserve to be.

But yeah, you definitely need to be with a partner who understands your safety and who respects your safety and who wants you to be okay and wants you to feel like the time is right for you and not just pressure you because the time is right for them. I guess that's my advice. But sending you so much love because I know that's a terrible position to be in. And I'm sure in an ideal world, you would be out to any and every single person and that they would love you regardless of who you love.

Because that's kind of everyone's ultimate dream, right? Shannon, how do I hard launch my first girlfriend on Instagram? I went to an SEC school and super sorority girl and then graduated and moved to a bigger city. And now I have a girlfriend of four months. How do I nonchalantly do the first post? LOL, I'm scared. Woo!

We love sorority to lesbian pipeline. I don't know if you're a lesbian, but sorority to girlfriend pipeline. We love, we love, love, love that. I think you have to be tactful about the first picture. It has to be really cute. We're going to want people to ship it. We need people to see you and your girlfriend and be like,

Hell yeah, that is such a cute couple. I'm rooting for that couple. I think that's everyone's hard launch. The first like your hard launch, no matter what the scenario, it needs to be like the cutest picture you ever took together. So people are like, damn, love is real and I want it and I want it to look like that. So I don't know how that's going to look for you. I don't know if you need to go to a photo booth.

Or if you're posting a dump, like maybe a dump where you sprinkle in the girlfriend first picture, definitely you and girlfriend. I would suggest maybe a photo booth picture. Then a few like cute random pictures, like maybe a coffee you drank, maybe a meme. And then another girlfriend picture. But maybe that one's just a picture you took of her and she looks really cute.

And then a couple other random pictures, maybe a selfie, go crazy. And then one more couple-y picture. Maybe you guys are holding hands. Make it very obvious that you're a couple. Listen, we do not want your sorority friends to get confused. We do not want this to be a, are they friends or dating?

They need to know that's your girlfriend. So make sure it's very, very explicitly obvious that that's your girlfriend. But my advice would be dump and that's the order. Let me know how it goes. Maybe tag me in like one of the pictures of just like random. It's like your coffee. It's at now this is living in the corner. Please tag me so I can see when it happens. Let's do a voicemail. I have an ex.

Okay, a Venmo and Spotify block? Pretty intense. What did you do? I'm kidding. The thing is,

I kind of like respect a block because I do think in this day and age with social media and like the way that the world works, it's not normal. We shouldn't have to see the things that our exes are doing. Instagram is one thing. We already have to see it. But then like Venmo, I'm like, do I need to know where you went to brunch and with who? And then Spotify, like, do I need to know if you're listening to happy music or sad music? I've,

I don't block personally. I'm not a blocker, but I can respect a block. I can understand why you have to set that boundary with someone. I feel like people block so that they can control themselves more than blocking so that you don't get to see what they're doing. Does that make sense?

Like most people I know who've blocked their ex on even like Instagram, it's more so because they don't have self-control. Like they're scared that they're going to keep looking at your social media. So they're like, I'm just going to block and then I don't have access to it anymore. Personally, I think if you need to block someone on anything and everything, you should. I do think it...

looks it can look it can come off kind of intense like whoa dang okay a Venmo block pretty intense but I also know people who've like Venmo is a scary place I think a lot of people get that's how people figure out that their ex has moved on is through Venmo

That's happened to me before. So, yeah, I don't know. I feel like it's weird in some ways and I'm sure it felt weird for you. I feel like whenever you're the person who gets blocked on anything, it hurts like a little bit. You're kind of like, damn, okay, you really don't want to see me. But I do think you need to think about it from the context of that's that person's way of like creating a boundary and like self-control for themselves. Like you didn't do anything wrong. They're just trying to protect you.

protect themselves. That's how I would see it. That's how I would like think about it because I think it would also just make me feel better that way. But also I think it's the truth for so many people. How do you feel about the word lesbian and why do I hate it and why do I prefer to say I'm gay? Thanks. Bye. Okay. I feel like this is a really common phenomenon and a common question I've gotten before. I actually have a text with the same question. Why...

Do lesbians not like the word lesbian? I too for a long time only referred to myself as gay. I'm sure somewhere in my YouTube archives there's some clip of me saying I don't like the word lesbian. I feel like there's a lot

of negative connotations with the word lesbian or there at least were when a lot of us were growing up. There wasn't a lot of like empowerment around the word lesbian whereas gay is a way more common word and I think we heard it a lot more probably in our households and usually probably

hopefully in a little bit more of a positive context because gay is such an umbrella term we have a lot more connection to the word both positive and negative like we've heard people say bad things about gay people I'm sure growing up and being human but we've also heard people say good things about gay people and like using the word gay kind of just like as like an overarching word whereas the word lesbian is so much more specific and

I feel like probably you have more negative memories towards someone being like, "Ew, like are you a lesbian?" Like that's how I feel. I think that's what happened to me is the word lesbian usually was not in a positive context in like the way I was growing up. If someone was using the word lesbian, it was usually to be like, "Ew, gross, lesbian." And then your brain is like, "Ew, lesbian is a gross word. Lesbian is a bad word, but gay, gay is not that scary. Gay is like an umbrella term." And there's lots of gay people.

I think that's what happened to me. I can't put words in everyone else's mouth, but that's what happened to me until I think in my late 20s.

I realized that as the person that I am and the brand that I have, which is so much about my sexuality and so much about being a lesbian, I was like, wait, if I can't own this word, how the hell am I going to try to like tell people it's okay to be gay and okay to be a lesbian if like I have an aversion to it? So I just started being like,

I am a lesbian. And it took a long, I mean, it took a long time, yeah, to really retrain my brain into being like, lesbian's not a bad word. Lesbian is a good word. Lesbian's a great word. I'm a lesbian. Lesbian, lesbian, lesbian. How many times can she say the word lesbian? But I will continue to say it. I will shout it from the rooftops until everyone realizes that lesbian is not a bad word. It's a good word.

It's a great word. And if you're listening to this and you're like, no, I don't know. I think I just don't like the way it sounds. I challenge you to think a little bit deeper and more critically about why you have an aversion to the word lesbian. And if you come up with something great, comment it below so I can know. But I truly think that we have to take the word back and we have to be like, we have to stop spreading this narrative that we don't like the word lesbian. Lesbians have to stop doing that.

I love lesbians. I'm not sure if my situation is unique. All of my exes are somehow connected. When I was in high school and then into college, I was seeing this girl and I wasn't fully comfortably out of the closet yet. And I didn't treat her very well. And when I finally was ready to get with her, she was done with me. And she ended up dating somebody I had no idea who they were.

Time goes on, we both end up in college together. I start seeing this person, and like two months into like seeing this person, I find out that this person also dated that girl. This person was the person that the girl was dating, and I was like, "I'm ready to be with you." And they were like, "I don't want to be with you anymore." But I was already in, like, pretty much in love with this new person, and decided to date them.

the old person, the like high school into college person didn't take it very well. And I think they think like maybe I did it vindictively when in reality that was not the case. That girl from like high school, you know, into college, she kind of feels like the one that got away with COVID and everything. Time has just gone by so fast, but it still feels really close.

You know, even though I'm 25 now and that was going on when I was like 18, 19, 20, 21. I don't know. I can't stop thinking about them. Should I just let it go or?

I don't know. Oh boy. I think first of all queer people and lesbians are always going to be connected. You're never safe. You are never safe out here. Everything you do as a lesbian or queer person you have to operate in the mindset that everyone will find out what you've done because even if it's five years down the line

Some ex of yours is going to date some ex of yours or you're going to date some. It's just the web is too twisted and connected. It's scary. I think that if you're ever in the mindset of being stuck on someone or ruminating on the thought that maybe they're the one that got away, if the door is not completely closed, why not explore it? Why not?

reach out and get the solace that you need because I think a lot of times we scare ourselves into not reaching out and like we gaslight ourselves into being like no too much time has passed or it's not worth it whatever but then you just ruminate on it longer so

I don't know. Like what's, what's the worst case scenario? You reach out to this person and then they're like, I'm actually over you and not interested in ever opening that door again. Okay. Then you have peace of mind and you can move on to whoever you date next and not have to have that thought in the back of your head. I think it's better to have the answer than to sit and question it forever. So my advice would be like, why not reach out?

And if they're like, fuck you, you dated someone I love too and I'm not interested in whatever, then better to know. Better to know. That's my personal advice. Go get them. I hope this person listens to this podcast because they sent me this message and it honestly made me sad. You're the kind of lesbian I imagine myself being if I weren't a 45-year-old closeted mom. You're helping us all.

My heart. First of all, you can be this lesbian. At 45 with kids, at 22 with no kids, at 65, whatever, any point in your life, you can be whatever lesbian you want to be. And if I'm a lesbian, you look at and you're like, I want to be like you, you can be. I know that coming out

in your scenario might be might seem impossible but I am a believer that it is never too late to come out there is no scenario where you don't deserve to get to live your truth and you have one life

You have literally one YOLO, but you literally have one life to live. You're given this one opportunity to walk around and feel and do and be who you are. And I don't think there's anything, anything in the world worth sacrificing your true happiness. If you know in your heart, there's a life you'd rather be living. You deserve happiness and you deserve to be yourself and you deserve to

live an authentic life and as a mom I'm sure you would want the same thing for your kids so I don't know like imagine they were in your scenario like what would your advice be to your kid you deserve to live an authentic life whoever you are whoever wrote that message to me I'm thinking about you and I hope that you can find the courage and the path to having that authentic life whatever that looks like for you however it however it manifests I I am manifesting that for you you can do

Hi, Shannon. I have something to share that I don't think I can share with anyone else. And I think maybe telling somebody who I admire, but also somebody who doesn't know me, might take some of the weight off just to kind of say it out loud. I've been like kind of questioning my identity.

Okay, I'm gonna cry.

First of all, thank you for trusting me with that. And yeah, I think saying something out loud for the first time or saying something to someone for the first time can be so scary and also so...

freeing because sometimes we let things just sit on us for so long that they feel so much bigger than they are. And once you say it out loud, it can feel a lot less scary. Sometimes it feels scarier because then you're like, whoa, now there's more truth to it because it's out in the world. But I just want to say thank you so much for sharing that with me and for trusting me. Yeah, I don't take it lightly. I really appreciate you coming to me with it. And it also reminded me when I listened to that first because I

I vetted some of these before I started the podcast. But it reminded me so much of when I was younger, little. I went on Tumblr and I used to do kind of the same thing and write in people's message boxes that I was gay and just same kind of sentiment of like,

I don't know if you're going to read this, but I haven't told anyone this or like this is like you're one of the first people I'm talking to about this. And I don't even really need a response for you from you, but I'm just saying it out loud. So I'm not just alone with it, I guess, was what I was doing back in the day, what I was doing on Tumblr and hearing you talk. I just was like, wow, this is so reminiscent of something I've done.

a bunch of times and I know how liberating a feeling it can be. So thank you for trusting me with that. And the beautiful thing about life and who you are and figuring out who you are is like, you don't have to figure it out tomorrow. You don't need the label today to know what your gender is or whatever. Like you don't need to have it figured out. You don't have to have it figured out ever. Life is like such a long, beautiful journey where we get to explore and change and find ourselves

And that's like the coolest thing about being alive. Like you have all your whole life to get to know yourself. How cool is that? I think maybe in a YouTube video before I've talked about my own journey with gender, but I feel like maybe this is a good...

time to talk about it and maybe it'll make you feel less lonely to question it because there was a time in my life in my journey where I was questioning my gender I just wanted to know like I just wanted to know and research and

find out like if I related to trans people that I followed online and I watched a million YouTube videos honestly it was like very similar to the journey I took with my queerness and finding out that like figuring out that I was a lesbian when I figured out I was a lesbian I watched every bit of content I possibly could and I was like whoa yes that's me whoa yes that's me and I just was like everywhere I went I was like yes yes yes yes

And when I had this moment, this was years ago, but I had this moment where I was like, am I trans? Could I be trans? Am I definitely a girl? Like, should I look into it? And I did the same thing. I like watched all of these videos and I like consumed all this content. I read stuff. I Googled things. And I was just like, at the end of the day, like I did all of the research. I did all of the same kind of like self searching. And at the end I was like, oh no.

I'm a girl. I feel very comfortable in like my body and I don't relate to all the things I'm reading about. And like, of course, there's some things I was like, OK, maybe like I don't know. In some ways, maybe there's like a non-binary part of my soul. But at the same time, I'm like, I just feel so good about like I feel good about the way that I identify. But I'm so glad that I gave myself the space to question it.

Because it makes me so much more comfortable now in my body. Because I'm like, I read, I learned, I looked, I learned.

And I'm good. And you may do the same kind of journey and come to a different conclusion. And that will also be great and amazing. And you should give yourself the space to figure that out. You deserve to know yourself in and out and know everything about yourself and to look at yourself completely non-judgmentally because I'm so glad that I did. I'm so glad I gave myself that space and didn't judge myself for even questioning. Just know I have...

have no judgment in my heart towards you and whatever conclusion you come to, I'm so proud of you and I appreciate you sharing your truth with me and like the beginning of a journey that you deserve to go on. So good luck. Calling with a question. I would like to know what do you think is the best exhibition? My girlfriend and I...

Okay.

Mom, dad, this is the time where you stop listening to my podcast. Thank you. When I first listened to this, I'm like, my favorite sex position. I'm like, lesbians, when you hear that, what do you think? What do you envision? Because I'm like, do you mean with a strap on? Because that's where I went first, but then I was like, that's kind of...

a very not my it's not my every time sex go-to thing so I'm like is that not what you mean but then I'm like what do you mean do you mean like scissoring positions there's so many different types of positions that you get into during lesbian sex or I think that I do I guess okay I'm blushing what's going on I'm getting stressed I'm getting stressed okay I'm gonna answer this question

Am I going to? I'm going to answer this question, I think. Am I? Yes, I am. Okay, I'm going to answer this question in the context of a strap-on and I'm going to answer it giving and receiving. So, okay. So my favorite position giving would be when a girl's on top and my favorite position receiving is

Would be doggy style. Okay, I feel so vulnerable and weird, but whatever. It should be. It can't. I have. It can be said. Okay, I said it. I think it's important to talk about because I also want to talk about it in the context of like gender and gender expression because especially receiving that kind of sexual activity for me, I have to really feel. I don't like feeling like super girly.

When that happens to me, like I don't like to do things that feel super like like really feminine. So I think that's why I like enjoy Augie style. I can't believe I'm saying that word two times because it doesn't feel super like feminine. I don't know how to explain that, but I I'm I'm thinking maybe other people would relate, like maybe other lesbians who present a little more mask than me. Like I'm not going to like ride it.

Holy fuck. Okay, I want to move on. But please just tell me if you know what I mean. Please comment below. This is so... I said I would talk about sex and I'm doing it, okay? I'm doing it. And from the giving perspective, just because you asked me to explain, I just think it's hot. So that's why I like that.

The giving part, I am, I can do, I'm way more versatile giving than receiving. Receiving, it's like a little bit more a fine line of trying to feel, I think it's because I'm trying to feel hot and I don't feel hot when I'm trying to be super feminine and like the things I've seen, like, I guess like just growing up with media of like, oh, that's what a girl looks like when she's having sex.

And I don't really relate to that vision. And I, so I'm like, I want to feel hot in the way that I feel hot. And that way I feel hot. Hopefully that makes sense. And then a much easier question, the soup salad or sandwich. First of all, I'm a hundred percent, not a salad. I don't fucking even like salads very much. So yeah.

Soup or sandwich? I feel like I'm honestly, I have to go soup. I do love a good soup, even if it's hot outside. I love a soup. But right now it's raining in L.A. It's been raining, as you may know, for days and days and days. And soup is really resonating with me. I love that like soup is good for the soul. It's like warming. And that's how I feel. It's like how I relate. I want to be good for the soul. I want people to feel good.

warm in my presence. So yeah, that's why I picked soup. I hope you like both those answers. One is so intense and one is so innocent. Okay, just to remind you, the number to call in if you have questions, if you want advice, if you want to leave a voicemail or you can text if you're shy like me, the number is 213-775-6258.

And if you enjoyed this today, me answering these and speaking directly to you, I am considering starting a Patreon business.

where I will do exclusive content each week and it will include more of these. So it would be bonus podcast video and audio that you could watch, listen to, and it would be a lot of these direct conversations between me and you. If that's something you're interested in, please let me know. It's just something I've been in the talks

about and it could be coming soon so comment below if that sounds good to you I hope you enjoyed this episode I being by myself it's funny because it's what I did I've done I've been alone on YouTube and so

social media for a long time. So it's not foreign to me, but doing it for an hour is definitely foreign to me. It's a lot of me talking, a lot of me listening to myself talk. But I hope you guys liked it. I do think I will be sprinkling in solo episodes more often, especially if you tell me you like it. You know what? It is easy to find...

myself in my own bedroom versus finding a guest to come and sit in my bed with me so it is possible I could do it more often if you guys like it thank you guys for listening to me today talking or watching me if you're watching on YouTube or Spotify if you have time I would love it if you would rate the show it helps me tremendously and

And any and all feedback is welcome. You can text me your feedback, but you can also comment. And yeah, let me know what you think, what you want. What do you want to see? Who do you want to see? What should we talk about? What should I talk about? What should I do? What stood out to you in this episode as helpful? What didn't help? What helped me help you? Let's help each other, please. I love you all so much. Truly, truly, truly. There were so many more messages I didn't get to. So many more I hope I get.

from this I hope you listen or watch and you're like I got something to say because I would love to hear you talk for anyone who's feeling down or not feeling good right now please know I'm sending you all the good energy that I have in the world there were some messages of people not feeling that good and I totally resonate obviously if you watched my last week's episode I too go through waves of good and bad so I see you and I hear you and I love you goodbye