lesbian sorority house with Zolita
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Okay, hi guys. My name is Shannon Beveridge. I'm the host of X's and O's. Today I have a very special guest. She is a director. She's a pop star. She's an editor. She is a social media tycoon. She does it all. Zolita. But I call her Zoe because she's also my roommate. Hello. Hello.

Oh, very excited to be here. One room over. Yeah. You had to travel far today? I had to travel really far. Not a lot of people know that we're roommates, I feel. You either do know it or you don't know it. But me and Zoe have been roommates now for... Three years. Almost exactly three years. Yeah. Three years in March. Yeah. And it's going great. It's going amazing. We're great roommates, right? We're amazing roommates. It's really crazy how well it works. The funniest thing you said to me recently is you said you

you were like, I haven't been passive aggressive in a while. Do you remember that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the longest I've lived. My childhood home, this is the longest I've lived. Anywhere? As an adult? As an adult. Yeah, I think. It's always only been like one year. I think me too. Yeah. I feel like when I hit the three year mark, it's the longest I've stayed. Yeah. And I would love to stay forever. We're perfect roommates. You guys, we've built such a happy home. We really did. We'd be like 40 and living this house. Literally. At this rate. At this rate, yes.

Okay, hopefully not. Maybe we'll just be neighbors. Oh my god. You're definitely like cleaner than I am, I would say. But I also am really chaotic like with music video shoots and with like, I feel like I have a lot of stuff. I have more stuff than you do. And it's everywhere. When I was talking to my mom about it recently, she was like, yeah, like you're lucky that Shannon's okay with how much stuff you have. I'm chilling. I'm chilling. There's a lot of stuff, but I feel like

We also understand each other because we're both creatives and, like, doing a lot of random stuff. Definitely. If you're shooting a music video, the living room's going to be full of your shit. If I'm selling my hats, the living room's going to be full of my shit. But we give each other space to create. Have those moments. It's nice that we both have, yeah. Yeah, it works out. Have that understanding. Also, a big thing is that we're both really, really social and, like, need to be around people all the time. Yes, definitely. And if that was, yeah, if one of us was, like, not that way, it would...

This would have already been done. Yeah. We would have been done. Yeah, we would have been done. But we're not. We're going strong. We're going strong. And this is the lesbian sorority house. Yeah. In our living room, we have an accent wall.

And Zoe, we're like, she's like, I really want to paint this wall. I'm like, okay, let's paint. Let's paint the wall. I was just like, I just don't want to paint it pink. If you're familiar with Zoe's music, she had a pink era. Her hair was pink. Her Instagram feed, every post was like very, very, very pink. Pink all the time. It was pink everywhere. So when she was like, I want to paint the wall, I was like, okay, any color but pink. And she was like, yeah, no, for sure. No, it won't be pink. It won't be pink. It'd be more like salmon. I'm like.

Okay, that's pink. Yeah, coral. I'm like, that's just pink. But you love it now. And now the wall is pink. Yep, it did turn out pink. I do love it. Can we talk about the barn door? Let's talk about the barn door. I could not be more excited that the first sponsor of X's and O's is a queer-founded and queer-owned business, Tomboy X. Nothing, nothing, nothing makes me happier than promoting queer-owned companies. Finding underwear that makes me feel both confident and comfortable has always been a struggle for me. And...

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I'll insert a clip maybe so you can see. So there is light and sound that travels both in and out. And sometimes that does not work in my favor, if you know what I mean. We have a really funny story of a time Zoe was like the best roommate and friend a girl could have. So it was a beautiful afternoon.

really connecting. We were connecting. You were really connecting. You were having a great afternoon and we, I think we'd all been hanging out before. So like there was like Ariana Grande, like Spotify was playing. I had propped a speaker in the doorframe of the barn door. And then I heard the song coming out of the speaker. It literally was Break Free by Ariana Grande. And I was like, no!

And like that, they cannot be having sex to that. There's no fucking way. And I went and I queued up a bunch of hot songs for you guys. I curated a sex playlist. You really did. That was a really shining roommate moment for me. And then later on, I come out of my room and Zoe's like, did you like the music? And I was like,

What are you talking about? She's like, because you were connected to the speaker. I was connected. Yeah. The whole time. I wasn't even thinking. I just put the speaker in the doorway. I was like, this will solve this problem quick for me. Anyway, so the barn door has been quite the experience in many ways. Also, Zoe only exclusively grinds her coffee fresh in the morning. Yeah.

So my alarm clock is the coffee grinding. I'm so sorry. It's like, I love New York because I love to hear sound and I love to know that I'm like, okay, the world has started. I should get out there. Yeah. And you are my New York street traffic with your coffee grinds. And I love it. We've gone through...

Many ups and downs as roommates. We have now experienced, when we moved in... We've experienced every single configuration of dating. Coupled them. Yeah. So when we moved in, I was single. And I had a girlfriend. And then I got a girlfriend. So we were both in relationships. Yes. And then I went through a breakup. Partially. On a break. Yeah.

It is just crazy. Yeah, it's stressful. It's we're not making light of any situation here, but it is just wild that we've had like when I first moved in Zoe's going on dates all the time. Like we're looking at her Raya profile. We're like, we're like, who are you talking to having the best time living vicariously through you as like being in a couple. Like the source of all of the stories. All of the tea was coming from you.

Yeah. Then when we were both coupled up, we became like little... A commune. A commune. It was like a full commune. We were double dating, hanging out, having dinners. Always cooking for each other. Cooking for... It was a beautiful time. It really was. Uh...

And while it lasted, it was a beautiful time. We have each other to help each other through the rough times. You've been my Constance, Ellie. You have been my Constance. So beautiful. We share a lot in common with the whole creative situation. Yes. Both, especially because you're an artist, but you're also in your own way an influencer and you've really...

done such a good job of using TikTok and Instagram and everything as like a tool to just help you with your own trajectory with your music projects and video projects and

I'm very proud of her. She's amazing. Thank you. If you don't follow Zoe on TikTok or Instagram, you should because she is pumping out the content. It really is inspiring to live with her. I'm like, she's filming another TikTok. Should I film a TikTok? I should probably film a TikTok. I feel the same way about you. Okay, that's great. No, it's so great. Especially now that I'm back on my grind. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, we influence each other. We definitely influence each other. Influencers influence each other. Look at that. Look at that. We don't stop. We never stop. This is so cool.

This is like the new Hype House. Yeah, I know. The lesbian Hype House. Lesbian Hype House. Actually, just what, two weekends ago? Two weekends ago. We were on set filming a brand new music video for Zoe, which I'm so excited for. I am so excited. It was so fun. It's my funniest video yet, for sure. And like movie. Yes. I feel like we kind of went back to almost...

Saifah vibes definitely even more even more expanded even more yeah yeah the music video and then a full series

That's sick. With tons of dialogue. It was the most acting I'd ever done. It was the most dialogue ever. It was so much fun. On day two, there was 100 people. Yeah, it was the biggest set we've ever been on together. So many fun cameos. I feel like so many big personalities. Yeah, cool people are going to be in that video. Should we talk about our dynamic on set? I feel like

So, okay, the hardest thing about being, you know, directing and being music video and like doing and being in the producer brain is there's not enough time for me to get to see the monitor. And like, I also just don't get to, I'm not watching monitor as I'm like in the video.

I feel like we found such a good, I don't know, workflow on set because obviously Shannon's so in my brain because we live together. So like, I will be talking about this video for so long before we actually shoot it. And you like are so clued into exactly like the tone and like the vibe and like what I want it to look like. Also, you just have such an incredible eye and like you have your own creative brain. So yeah. So once we're on set, like, you know, exactly, you know how I want to be looking, you know, like what doesn't look good and you,

know like what I'm trying to achieve and even the post-production process is so awesome because you can like pop into my room as I'm editing. It's like not hard to yeah it's not hard to help. We have such a good workflow going with each other. Okay but about the music videos. Yes. You tend to be doing some

Love the stories. I would also say you do be making out with hot girls. I do. I really do. In your music videos. What would you say, why is that so important to you and why has that been like a through line of pretty much every music video you've made? Yeah.

I want to make the music videos that I want to see. Yeah. Like I want to make hot content with heart. Yeah. You know, I mean, growing up, obviously like all of the like woman on woman sex that I had seen was in porn or was just like,

not that raunchy at all or just like... Yeah. You know what I mean? A lot of... Like pecking. Yeah, sweet. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. A lot of that. Why are they always doing that in lesbian sex? Always. Even in Glee. You know what I mean? Just like... There's just like so much caressing. So much caressing. So much caressing. So much caressing. I'm like, I guess that happens in lesbian sex, but...

It's not the bulk of the sex. Yeah. The way that the media has sold it to us. No, completely. I don't know. I remember seeing the Black Swan sex scene. Very hot sex scene, but obviously directed by a man. Yeah, I don't know. And also, that wasn't a love story at all. No. Not even a little? But I was like, how can I combine all the things I love? I want to be able to tell queer love stories that have...

you know, heart and hope. But also I want them to be really, really hot. And I want people to like, yeah, I want people to be turned on by that. Oh my God. You do. And I do. You know what? I think that they are. This episode is brought to you by Shopify. Whether you're selling a little or a lot.

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Mike Tirico here with some of the 2024 Team USA athletes. What's your message for the team of tomorrow? To young athletes, never forget why you started doing it in the first place. You have to pursue something that you're passionate about. Win, lose, or draw, I'm always going to be the one having a smile on my face. Finding joy in why you do it keeps you doing it. Be authentic, be you, and have fun. Joy is powering Team USA during the Olympic and Paralympic Games.

Comcast is proud to be bringing that inspiration home for the team of tomorrow. I remember an old manager I had was like, would you ever want to direct like, like porn, like queer porn? Shut up. Yeah. And I, that's not interesting to me because it's like going fully there. It's like, I'm so. You want to have a buildup, like the tension. I love like playing with in a box. You know what I mean? And like, what can I get away with on YouTube? Right.

What is the furthest I can push it? So true. And have it still be okay for the mainstream. And the confines of the length of a music video. There's only so far you can go because there's only so much time. There's only so much time. There's only so long. Yeah. And you can add interludes and you can add breaks, but how far can you push it? Yeah, completely. This one was so interesting because...

I didn't have the song until like two weeks before we shot the video. But you had the whole concept. I had the concept since March. Like I've been thinking of this video concept for so long, but. Such a testament to what a visual artist you are. Yeah. Like whenever I talk to people, if I explain my roommate, I'm like, yeah, she's like a singer. She's a pop singer.

pop singer but she's also like super like a visual artist I would say almost ahead of the music it's like the visuals the music is the vehicle to be able to like do all the things that I want to do yeah visually which is so sick and such a unique like we don't have artists like that mm-mm

I mean, there are some, but you're like such a, especially for the sapphic community, you are doing something so different and you are your own little person. Thank you. It's so fun to watch. Thank you. I would assume, and this is so funny because obviously I know so much more than like a casual, if I was like a stranger doing a podcast with you. Yeah. But I would assume that that having those kind of love stories and romantic vibes on set

Does that impact your relationships outside of set? Absolutely. Yeah, listen, it's definitely really, really hard on a relationship. And I can imagine like, okay...

So I've always been like, well, that's, it's always been a part of my, of my job. Right. It's like, so if you go into dating me, it's like, that is going to be a part of it. Like, it's not like I just started making out with girls in music videos. Like I've been doing that for, I've been doing it for so, so, so long. I've been telling these love stories for so long, but something that my, I don't even know what to call her. Something that my last relationship, uh,

She's like, okay, well, like, the difference is, like, if you were an actor, there'd be a casting director that would be, like, pairing you with somebody. But, like, you cast your own music video, so you're choosing your girls. So, like, you're choosing the girls you're making out with. And that feels just like...

wrong and unfair. And it's not like I'm casting girls that I'm like, that is a girl that I want to make out with. Like, oh, I'm going to spend that much money to, you know. Yeah. No, I'm casting people also that I'm like, I feel like this would be a perfect person to play this role or perfect person. People haven't seen me with this kind of person yet. So like that, I want to do that. Or like,

There's so many reasons why I cast who I cast. And yeah, I don't know. I understand. I understand. Obviously, it's like not an easy. I don't know. I can't imagine what I would feel like if I was on the other side of it and I wasn't in the entertainment industry at all, you know?

And if I also didn't know what it was like on set, the thing is on set it's so choreographed. There are so many people in the room. It's not hot. It's not sexy. It's literally like, okay, I'm going to move my head this way. Then you move your head this way. And then you're going to push me this way. Yeah. That's literally the last set. That was the last set, yeah. And you go to the right and you go to the left and then push. Yep, yep. It's so choreographed. And also by the time, I don't know, you do it so many times too that it just becomes like,

Yeah. And you're trying to look pretty. But also you want it. If I'm doing my job correctly, it's going to look like there's crazy chemistry. Yeah. If you're acting appropriately. If you're being a good actor. Yeah. I think it probably takes someone pretty open-minded to be like, okay with that, with it. But it's definitely something that's like, will be part of my, my music, my career for the foreseeable future. So it's not something that I, yeah. Yeah.

I don't think I would like stop doing that for anybody. Even taking it back to what you were saying about when I said, why is that the, why are these the videos you want to make? I feel, yeah. And I feel so the same way about that as you, because that's the videos I make everything I've ever made. Even this podcast, it's all things I'm like that didn't exist and I wanted it. Yes. So now I'm going to make it. And I feel like that's what you're doing.

And that's a hard thing. You shouldn't sacrifice that. And you kind of can't. No, I can't. Because that's... That's also what my whole career has been built off of. And that's... I mean, that is your art. You are an artist and that is your art. Yeah. In that same vein, for you...

Because we've said you're an influencer and like you utilize TikTok, you utilize Instagram, you utilize everything and anything you can. Yeah. So there's an element of, okay, there's the onset situation going on, which is hard, I'm sure, for a partner just in general. And then...

for you there's also the post-production marketing strategy yes that how do you feel how has that been for you i'm not just promoting a song i'm promoting a series i'm promoting a video series like i've built an entire world right and if you look at like you know the way that people promote tv shows or movies like and people go on press tours and then actors are like

acting flirty and cute and whatever. And then you read into it and like, that's part of the intrigue. It's marketing. It literally is marketing. It works. And it's like, you're good at it. Yeah. You know? I understand as a partner though, why that sucks. My last relationship, we started dating kind of like right as all the somebody I fucked one stuff was taking off and the whole world was like publicly like,

You were being shipped. I was being shipped really, really hardcore with my co-star. And I don't know what I would have felt like if I was in that position. Like, that sucks. Yeah. The internet's scary. It is. I can totally have so much sympathy and I would say even empathy for people who don't have so much experience with the internet. It's really hard not to know that, like, not to take it with so much...

truth, you know? Yeah. Yeah. And give it so much weight. Oh my God. So much weight. If you're not used to it, of course you're going to give it that much weight. I mean, it's hard for me and I've been doing it for 10 years. I still will read a mean comment and take it to heart sometimes. Yeah. But there's also like so many other things that I've experienced for so long. Yes. Even just like every relationship I've been in,

in the next relationship, everyone's like, I miss you with the person before. Yeah. It's happened to me multiple times and then it's just so ironic because then, you know, I break up with the next person and it's like, I miss you with the person before. I'm like, did you ever like, will you ever like me in the current relationship? Why is it just, everyone's always like, thinking past tense. It's definitely like, yeah, not being a public person

person and then like dating someone who is a really public person and that's that's our job right it's definitely hard but also I'm like you do know what you're getting into when you start dating this person like you have to also be aware like if you

Oh, but this is a funny thing for us to talk about. It's like when you date an artist, they're going to write stuff. They're going to write songs about you. Yeah, we both have, I feel like, different perspectives. And the episode before this or two episodes, whatever. I also had a similar conversation with Rebecca Black, who is an artist. So it's so funny. We're just running around in circles with lots of artists, lots of influencers, lots of...

But then also a lot of people who aren't in that world at all, both of our last partners, current-ish partners, you, not me, were totally not in the world when they started dating us. Completely not in it. I do believe and I wonder if there's ever enough...

disclaimers in the world to give someone for them to actually believe that it will be as... What will happen. Yes. And how intense it is. It doesn't matter. Like, I mean, not that it doesn't matter. It is important and obviously it will be something that I do forever if anyone I date. Like, I have to be like, this is the reality of my life. It's not necessarily exactly normal.

and are you in or not can you handle it yeah and i think that and if you can if it's and if it's too much like that's so fair not everybody wants to like be in yeah so fair but i do think that there's usually some wishful thinking in general at the beginning of relationships no matter what where you're like i can handle it i can handle that whatever it is literally even just like oh i'm not stoked about the relationship you have with

I don't know, your family or something like that. Yeah. And you're like, it'll be fine. And then, you know, Christmas time comes around and you're like, this is kind of bumming me out. You know, like things seep in, in a way that at the beginning of a relationship, you're like, no worries. It'll be good. And then, and I feel like for us dating people, that's probably always going to be us being like, by the way, yeah, this could go like this. Yeah. Yeah. And it's been going like this. Yeah. I'm scared. I'm like, who would ever want to date me again?

A lot of people. A lot of people. I was going to say...

The flower metaphor. Yes, please, please. I need to say this. This is a new thing in our house. Oh, my God. We've been saying it so much. We get on things and then you tell me something or I tell you something and then I swear I go around town. I'm like. Yeah. Have you ever heard of this metaphor before? Somebody taught me this. So actually, our friend Catherine told me this metaphor the other day. Yeah. And she basically said, like, in every relationship, there's a flower and a gardener.

And by nature, you're a gardener. So I'm very much a caretaker by nature. Very nurturing. Very nurturing. Very like cooking me dinner and being so sweet. You have like a very... Almost like a mother. Maternal. Yes. Yeah. Very much a gardener. So I go for flowers. I always go for flowers. People that I can like take care of. And... But my job...

In my job, I have to be a flower. Constantly, I'm a flower. And that's where it gets tricky. Yeah, the duality. If the flower that I'm with is also wanting to be a flower and doesn't want a garden. I love this metaphor. I love this metaphor too. When you're an artist, you almost have an alter ego in a way. Like there's Zoe and there's Zolita. Completely. But the funny thing for me is...

is there's no alter ego. You are. It's me and it's me. And like, I think some influencers and some social media people, like there is kind of like this, like this is what I sell to the world and this is who I am. Yeah. But for me, I don't know. You could maybe talk more about that than I can because obviously I can't see myself fully. But I would say what I sell online as like myself, it's me. It is you. Yeah. So it's like.

Yeah.

because it's really hard to decide how much is too much to share, how much is not enough to share. I've clearly still not figured it out. Yeah, it's different than, I guess, like with music stuff. If I share a song, I can still be nuanced, I guess, about it and be like, well, it could be about this. Maybe it isn't about this. Who knows? You can read into it. But when you're sharing, you're like, you're literally just like, this is here. What's going on in my life? This is my diary. What you put out is art.

What I put out is life. It's kind of like, here I am. Documentary. How do you feel sharing art with a partner who maybe didn't sign up for...

art to be made for them but I mean but also they did yeah yeah it's like okay they started dating me you start dating me if I'm spending all my time with you of course I'm gonna be writing about that like that is where I'm gonna like gather my inspiration from especially because I write like a lot of my songs are mostly just about yeah my love life and relationships but I can understand that like for somebody who maybe is a more private person they don't want their like our relationship to be put on blast yeah same way so yeah

Yeah. I mean, you're basically exposing your diary. Yeah, exactly. It's like they wouldn't just like post their diary online, but like I get to do that because it's art. You know what I mean? Like I understand how that is hard for the other person, but yeah, that was definitely, but then also like there's no winnings if I would write like about a previous relationship. So I would write like about an ex because like I only have, I have my well of experiences to pull from. And if I want to write song, that's like go,

going into like a way that I felt in that past relationship like doesn't mean that I'm still harping on that last relationship and I want to be in it also usually there's other people in the room and like the rhyme is gonna win you know what I mean it's not always like completely true to true to life and it's also other yeah other people's emotions in the song as well I'm being so triggered by you right now no no no I'm being so triggered by you right now like these are you're like those are things that she said to me these are direct texts I've gotten and conversations I've had there's other people in the room

verbatim every time but it's true but that's always that's always the thing it's not just me coming up with it everyone else was in there too I'm like I know I know I'm dead no but it's it's complicated it's complicated and it's when you're in a relationship

It's hard if you're like, yeah, you're playing a song about my ex before her. And she's like, oh my God, like, are you still thinking about her like that? Like, is that how you still feel? But it's like, no, that's just like, that is the well I can write about. Totally. You know, that's the well of experience I have to pull from. And, but yeah. And then like writing about when I would write like about our relationship or just like issues we were having, like within the relationship, you know, for her, she was like, damn, I don't want people to see us like this. Like, I don't, I'm not necessarily like, I wouldn't like,

clue people into that like i don't want people to know that about us or that was a private thing we experienced but now it's going to be public and everyone's going to know yeah it's really that's a it's a hard line i think as an artist to balance it is it definitely is and it's yeah it's it's hard just like how for you when you're in a relationship it's harder for you to share stuff because you want to be like really um respectful like you're saying of your partner

It's the same thing with music. Like when you have a partner, it's hard. It's harder to. Yeah, I feel like I definitely sometimes would censor myself a little more. It's all complicated. It's not black and white.

That's like my favorite thing to say because it's not. Yeah. But we really both have... How would you feel when you got played songs that were about her previous relationships? Partners? Yeah. It was... I just... I do remember feeling... And obviously this is a long time ago because it's like years ago, years and years ago. But I do remember feeling like the same kind of vibe of like, are you like still in love with that person? Because this is the person you're writing about every session. Yeah.

And I remember constantly being like reaffirmed that it's way harder to write happy songs than sad songs. So hard. And I would be like, I was like, okay, sure. Like, I believe that. But I do also remember being like, one happy song? Yeah.

You want to just write one little happy song about me? I feel for your partner going through it because it's difficult. And it's difficult for a lot of reasons to date an artist. And something we've talked about before, too, is there's so many times to celebrate an artist. So many built-in times.

So many times. We've had so many like, oh, an EP release, an album release, a music video release. Oh, you're going on tour. There's this, there's that. There's a music video. There's like, it's everything. A song really. Like if I'm releasing like an EP or album, it'll be like a single every month. And it's like, okay, let's celebrate. Literally, there's so much, there's such a light on you. Yes, yes. And there's such, there's so. I'm always getting to, I'm like always getting to shine. And yeah, in a job that's not.

doesn't have that. That's what I do. Like, it's, those reasons to celebrate aren't as built in and that was definitely something in my last relationship that, like, I could have done a better job probably of, like, finding more moments, you know, to celebrate her. But it's just, it's so much, it's, it's, they're more, you have to create them. Exactly. They're not organic. They're not organically happening. They're not just like, yeah, like this, I'm putting out this thing and now we celebrate. Yeah. Yeah. Dating an artist sucks. Yeah.

Would you ever date an artist again? There, I said it. God, no, please don't let me.

A couple weeks ago when the most recent song about you came out. It was dying because my sister, also there was a song about her that an artist had written. Not very nice song. Same day. Same day. And you guys, they were both like really high up on New Music Friday. And you guys were texting each other like, damn, like this house is influential. We are inspiring. That's a music. So many muses. We're inspiring these people out here. Whatever. Something that's so frustrating to me and has been for a while now is...

The people who were like, but isn't it kind of flattering? Uh-huh. Because it's like, okay, you've obviously never had this experience before. Yeah. One. Two, I was dumped. And then to like continue to be dragged through emotions like that, you're kind of like. For years and years after. I'm like, this is so, it's so interesting too because the internet doesn't know the reality of that situation either. And so they're listening being like, oh my gosh, go get her back. She's heartbroken over you. Go get her back. I'm like, she doesn't want me. She does.

You might be listening to the songs thinking she does, but she doesn't. Brings it back to marketing. Yeah, yeah. And you know what? Props to her. In some ways, I'm like, yeah, that obviously worked for you. Did it hurt my feelings? Yeah. Is it hard? Yeah. Is it flattering? Kind of, no. You actually share something in common with an experience I had because you have name dropped people in music. I have. I have. So, okay, the first time I did it was back in like 2018. Yeah.

And I was really, really in an angry, angry moment because I was cheated on. My girlfriend of two years had cheated on me with five guys. And I was like, how the fuck do I get over that? Like, how do I move through this? And I ended up name dropping a couple of the guys later.

yeah remember when we ran into him oh my god and we literally ran into one of the guys the other night oh my god that was weird that was so weird okay so in the song i literally say you met a three out of or met a three out of ten called him ben took him home not once but twice so we're literally at a bar the other day and this gangly guy comes up to us and he was like zoita and i was like

Hello? Hi? Not your usual demographic. No, no, not at all. Gangly guys. And he was like, it's me, 3 out of 10 Ben. I almost spit, I spit out my drink. It was, and she didn't, I was there too and I didn't know, I didn't know the context. So I'm like, 3 out of 10 Ben. And you were literally like. I was like, oh. I was like, wow, it's crazy to see you. He was like, it was so fair. Yeah. And then he walked away. Yeah, kind of hilarious that he owned his nickname. But yeah, I mean, I guess the way that I

I thought that that was fair at the time because these guys knew that I was in a relationship with this person. Like, they were people that we knew. And, like, they didn't respect... They, like, didn't see, like, our lesbian relationship as valid. You know what I mean? At the same time, too, they were... They're kind of anonymous. They're not, like... That's the other thing. They're not connected to her in a way. They're, like...

Yeah, they don't have platforms. You wouldn't be able to put together who is Ben. You would not be able to find him through her Instagram. Yeah, it was like anonymous. Should we talk about lesbian apocalypse? Because... I feel like this year was way worse than the lesbian apocalypse last year. Who is surviving it? No one is surviving. Like this was not on my 2023 bingo card. No, it's been bad. We're falling like flies. There's so many. I literally, when the day that I was going through...

My stuff, when I texted my best friend, she was like, you're the third good friend that's texted me this today. Like, what is happening? Something is in the water. What's happening? You know what it is. I know what it is. What? It's three years since COVID. Oh, my God. It's always the three-year rule. So I think it's so many. These are COVID relationships that are like. It's the 2020 getting together. 2020 to 2021. Mm-hmm.

getting together and everyone at this like two, three year mark, which is so often when breakups happen, I feel. Because that's a lot of the ones I've heard have been that. But also, yeah, I mean, it's supposed to be cuffing season. And we're falling apart. And we're falling apart. Aye, aye, aye. We're cuffed. I asked you guys over on Instagram to send us some advice slash sex relationship, whatever questions specifically for Zoe. I've written them down. We're going to talk about them.

Should be exciting. Yay. Follow me at NowThisIsLiving if you don't already, and then you can participate in the next Q&A. This is interesting because it's a question I've already answered, so I want to see your answer. But do you believe in right person, wrong time? Yes, partially. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, I think I kind of do. I remember your answer was like people come into your life like the time that they're supposed to come into your life. I do agree with that for sure. But I think that if it's the right time,

like they're truly the right person that they could come back around at a time that feels like more like the right time. I feel like there are like sometimes there's people they're like, oh my God, like if these things in our lives were more sorted out, like we would be so good. But there's just too much that we both need to like go through and sort out. It's so true. That makes us not right for right now. But like.

Damn it. I wish I met you at this time. You know what I mean? I don't know. I think I do slightly believe in right person, wrong time. I was very like stern in my answer and I do really believe what I said about

People come when they should. Yeah. I think my thing and the reason why I was so stern about it is I just I don't believe in waiting for people. And I think that it just never it doesn't set anyone up for success. If you use it to like, yeah, if you use it in a crutch, like as a crutch. But at the same time, like my sister married her boyfriend from high school after they were broken up for like 10 years or something.

So it's not, I guess, yeah, I mean, in a way, it can be something that is revisited, but I just don't think it's a healthy mindset to live in that. To live in that. I think that that just won't serve anyone. Yeah. Have either of us ever felt like partners expected us to play a certain role, i.e., being more dominant? Hmm. Yeah.

I think people usually, I don't know if like my actual partners, but like in general, when people first meet me, maybe expect me to be more submissive or bottomy. Yeah, yeah. But I feel very, like I present so femme, but I feel very masculine in my energy. Like I definitely am a little bit more feminine

hop dummy vibes and also I just I feel like even in fights and stuff I'm way more logical and I'm not as led by emotions like I can like pretty I don't know I like kind of shut off very fast and go straight to like well why doesn't just like to a logical brain like one plus one equals two yeah I'm very robotic and

Yeah.

I need everyone to know. I am a trueverse. Yeah. I would say. I think I'm a trueverse too. Yeah. Yeah. You think I'm less of a trueverse than you? No, no. I would say. But I feel like you kind of date bottoms.

Not necessarily your long-term relationships, but a lot of your more hooking up partners, I feel, have been more bottomy. Because I'm a pursuer. I really like a chase. People like me too much. You don't like them. Yeah, I know that is probably not a good thing. But I like a little bit of a cat and mouse game. I've heard there's a bad rumor around that I'm a pillow princess. Yes.

Which I did to my fucking self because I made the title of my YouTube video. Am I a pillow princess? Yes. No, you didn't. Yes, because one of my ex-girlfriends called me a pillow princess. I was like going around asking people questions about gay terms. And one of the terms was, do you know what a pillow princess is? And then I run into my ex at the Grove. Stop it.

Completely not planned. Just completely random. Yeah. And I said to her, do you know what a pillow princess is? And then she said, you. No. To this day, I'm like, I actually don't even know if she really believes that. Maybe she does. Or it's just being funny. But I'm not. Okay. Still stand by that until the day I die. I'm not. What do you do if your partner can't make you cum? Hmm.

Well, I've never faked it before. Okay. In my life. Good job. I can't. I don't even know how I would. I don't even know how I would try to fake it. I think I would feel so guilty for faking it. What do you do? Like, if you aren't going to, do you just like. I'll just say like. Like edge and then like, like try to hook up with them or do you say it's not going to happen? No, I'll just reverse it back on them. And then if they like are persistent and are like, wait, no, like I want to like, whatever, make you come. Um, yeah.

Then I'll be like, it's probably just not going to happen. But also, I feel like it almost always only doesn't happen if I've been drinking. Fair. So I can usually use that as a thing. Yeah, just fake it. It's because I was drinking. So I just... I'm not... I will not. I probably won't. Yeah, fair. And so let's just focus on you. That's good. What about you? Have I faked it? You faked it. Yeah. Oh, man. Bad. It's a bad habit. I shouldn't do it. I should never do it. I've gotten...

A lot better about it. Completely. But anyway, what would you do if your partner can't make you come? I think that's where communication comes in. And, like, if your partner... Like, what's going on? Because...

Do you know how to make yourself come? I think that's kind of like so much power in that so that you can be like, this is what I do. Or let me, I'm going to do it. I'm going to like touch myself and like you can watch me do it. Like that's, yeah. There's so many ways to make it hot. For sure. Definitely. So true. And if you're faking it, stop faking it.

No more faking orgasms 2024. Also, it kind of feels like, I don't know, being honest is so powerful. So powerful. Right? Yeah. That's what we're... Being honest 2024. Being vulnerable 2024. I can't think of anything else. Like, surviving 2024. Surviving 2024. Hopefully. What's your definition of cheating? Like, me and you have had conversations recently about...

the power of flirting and how within a relationship, flirting, if you do it in a... Could be so good if it's in a healthy way. Yeah. Or if it's in a way that's like... If it's a respectful flirt. Yes, yes. There's like power. It makes both people still feel desired. Especially if you are in a long-term relationship. You're like, I think sometimes like parts of you start turning off. Yeah. Like the opposite of like spicy and new is safety and security. So it's like...

all the beautiful things that come along with like feeling so safe and at home and like secure with a partner, you know, you lose a lot of the, the spice and excitement. And it's like, you have to work so much harder to create it, create that, attain that. And like, it's one way you can do it. I need, I still need to read that book, but the Esther Perel book, um,

And there's like the concept of inviting in the third and not necessarily like a threesome, but like watching your partner flirt with someone else. But then they like come right over back to you, you know, and like knowing like, oh my God, other people find them desirable. Like it reminds you, you're like, they are so desirable. And you're like, and you're mine and you picked me. And you picked me and you're coming home with me. And like, that's so hot. Something I've wanted to talk about and we talk about is the idea of

long like a forever we're both children of divorce i'm a child of multiple divorces yeah people are always commenting that on my shit being like i'm a child of divorce because of my breakups and i'm like get get in line no we've been talking a lot about forever and the concept of like we're at an age where that's kind of more reality yeah and are we gonna

only sleep with one person for the rest of our lives that's i think yeah that sounds so scary it sounds so scary terrifying i feel like take it day by day take it day by day and maybe that's something if you are going to be with someone for the rest of your life maybe that's something that's like reassessed at a later point in your life or when you yeah what

I feel like it becomes less of a scary and threatening thing to have a level of openness in a relationship if you have so much security. Like, if you have a house together and kids and whatever, like, you have a whole life and world together, then it becomes less of, like, a threatening thing. Yeah. But some people... I don't know. Some people, like, I feel...

Like there is no... No, there's no... They just will never want... Some people don't want to go there. It is black and white for some people. Yeah. But I could imagine... I feel like I've been more... I'm more of a monogamous person by nature, but I could imagine like in a really long-term relationship, like wanting some level of that. Yeah, same. I'm so monogamous, obviously, as we've all seen. But I think for me...

For me going into a marriage with someone and obviously then obviously this is a conversation I would have long before marriage. I just want to when I marry someone I want it to be something that is

on the table. It doesn't mean, oh, for sure one day we'll be open. I just don't think I could marry someone that their perspective on that is never. I think, yeah, it's so hard knowing like all of the, I don't know, all of the like forever things around me in my life, like they've all cheated on each other. Like there's now being an adult and like knowing, you know, my parents, friends, like hearing stories about my parents, friends from my mom and stuff. And like,

knowing things that have gone on i'm like oh my god i thought that they were a perfect forever couple but there's just actual you know affairs going on in the relationship yeah or yeah but also then being a child of divorce it's like i don't think anything lasts forever that's just like how i yeah it's hard not to really think that way have you ever had sex to sapphic music

So, yes. Yes. Let's pull up the playlist. The sex playlist. My old sex playlist. Snail mail. Queer. Yeah. Ethel Kane.

hot girl and there is some girl in red on your sex playlist like what song i'll call you mine i do like that song is that sweet i think i just like loved the music video so much so you said i said you gonna be on there clero okay lucy dacus wow boyish there it is yeah i can't but you literally i

I said, this would be a good question for you because you're like an artist. And then she's like, but I don't think I have. And then she looked at her playlist. I'm like, I think you exclusively. Yeah, yeah. It's a lot of sapphic artists there. It's giving like, yeah. Those are really tender songs. They are tender songs. Is that your like lovemaking playlist? I mean, I guess. Do you have like a fucking playlist? No. What would be on a fucking playlist? I don't know. What would be like your number one song on there? I don't want to answer because the first thing that came to mind is so stupid. What is it?

It's not like a... It's bad. What is it? Like, grind on me. No! Whatever, the pony song? Is that really on there? No. Shannon. I don't have one. I don't have one right now. I don't have one right now. What's, like, okay. But I'm saying, like... What is a fucking song, though? Because, like, everybody's taste is so different.

True. So, like, some people are not, wouldn't be, like, turned on listening to, like, traditionally, like, like, if they're listening to, like, whatever, like, The Weeknd. Yeah, The Weeknd. Like, that kind of stuff. Like, that's, like, so, like, okay, I guess, yeah, this is, like, sex music. I'm more into the BPM. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like, I just want to have, like, the right rhythm going on. Guys. Grind on me. Please recommend some good sex music to us. Yes, oh my god. Please comment. We need it. No more Ariana Grande, Break Free. This is...

Why not? Why not? My only threesome I've ever had was during Pride in 2020, was it? And we listened to the entire Chromatic album back to back. It was genuinely, I was like, this is the best Pride I'll ever have. I won. That's the gayest shit I've ever heard. As a little monster, the most iconic thing that had ever happened to me. Okay, well, speaking of threesomes, do you want to play a game? Yes, I do. Okay. We're going to play a game.

That is threesome or therapy. I'm going to tell you a famous couple and you tell me if you would have a threesome with them or if you would send them to couples therapy. Incredible. Ready? I love this game. Okay. The first one is Tina and Bette. Therapy. Yeah. You? I think therapy. Although I did really like one of their sex scenes like a lot. But their sex scenes were good when they would get back together. Yes, the toxic ones. That's why it's toxic. When they would like fuck in the one in the elevator. Yes. Yes.

Like, I was only hot whenever... I think the elevator they were going to therapy, you know? No. They're, like, coming from therapy and they get trapped in the elevator. Oh, no, or they're divorced. Yeah. I would join that threesome. Yeah. In the elevator. Otherwise therapy. Otherwise therapy. Okay, Santana and Brittany. Threesome, one million percent. I knew it. They're perfect and they don't need therapy. They really were a great, sweet couple. They were so cute.

Rest in peace. Yeah. And they were your gay awakening, right? That was my gay awakening. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. This one's so specific for you.

The Mulholland Drive Girls. It's kind of both. Like a threesome for sure. So hot. So hot. So hot. But they definitely need therapy. They need therapy. But you could go before. Yeah. But I'll go have a threesome with them. You will send them to therapy. Then I can send them to therapy. Exactly. Okay. Fair. I feel like, yeah, same. Okay. And this one also is so specific to you. Your favorite movie of all time in some ways. Black Swan.

So hot. Threesome. One million percent. Yeah, I was going to say, they don't even need therapy. They're not ever going to be in a relationship. That is just giving, like, that is sex. No, they don't need to help. Nothing can help them. So you might as well just fuck them. Yeah. Do you think we did a good job? I think we did a really good job. Okay. I think we did a really good job. We did a really good job. Is there anything we, like...

I feel like we talked about everything. I feel like this was juicy. Was it? Don't you kind of think it was juicy? It's so hard because I'm talking to you. I know. I'm like, how much can I? I've been forgetting that. We're filming. Yeah. You know what I mean? I know. Some of this might have to get edited out. Okay, guys. Thank you so much for listening to X's and O's. And Zoe, do you have anything coming up that you want to tell people about? Yes, I have an album coming out. Woo!

So album coming out in 2024 and a new music video coming out top of February. I am so excited. So excited. And a big series as well. I can't wait. Yay. Okay. Thank you for listening and subscribe to X's and O's wherever you listen to or watch your podcasts and follow Zoe on her socials at Zolita.

It's at Zolida. Zolida, yeah. And follow me online at NowThisIsLiving to get updates and to maybe be on the podcast asking your question or advice, whatever you want. Bye. I'm so proud of you. And they were roommates. And they were roommates.