Flash Back Friday: The First Recording
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Get your first month free at greenlight.com slash pod. Greenlight.com slash pod. What is going on, everyone? It is Austin here. I just wanted to drop in because what we're doing here, what we've decided to do is to drop a special episode for you.

Craig and I are going to record on Monday a new episode, P&B, and we just think it's going to be a lot of fun. I think it's going to be hilarious. I've had a lot of fun times with Craig recently, and you should hear all about it and just

normal nonsense, but this episode is the very first one that we ever recorded, right? So Craig and I were like, all right, let's do this. I guess we just press record on the laptop and we get close enough and we just start going. And we recorded this episode two years ago. I don't know if I just said that. And we were like, let's do it. And you know, in typical Austin and Craig fashion, we, we, we didn't do it until, you know, Jerry and Nick came along. Um,

And it was one of these things where I was like, okay, well, let's record it and just see if it's funny. We'll send it to people. We think that our banter is funny, but we didn't know if anyone else would. So I sent it to my sister, who's like my harshest critic. And she was like, I am laughing out loud. I was like, okay, we got something here, buddy. We got something here. So two years ago, we said that we would always, you know, okay, cool, let's get a podcast. And then that went in.

the shelf, we shelved that project for a bit. And now we have said also that we would come out with podcast weekly. Now we definitely had busy, busy summers. And even when we were together, it was like, well, are we really going to like hole up here? And it just didn't work. It

And I know this sounds like the biggest oxymoron that I could possibly say, or an oxymoron maybe is not the right word. But like now that we're here, we're filming. It's like we're forced or we're in town now for the foreseeable future. And it kind of gives us like our schedules a sense of normalcy. I know that sounds funny because there's nothing normal about filming your life all the time. But...

We do have off on Mondays, so we're certainly going to start recording on Mondays. And this is Austin saying this, not Craig. Craig can give you promises all day long until the cows come home and he won't deliver, especially when it comes to time. Because I don't know if y'all remember this, but season five, four, three, two, every single season, he's like, time is just a construct. You know, it's not real. I'm like, Craig, it is very real. And it's a very real thing.

And deadlines are a thing. So I just wanted to kind of come on here and say that I sent this to Nick and Jerry and was like, do you think that people would like this? Like this could be something fun to tease them. And yeah, as I've said now for the fifth time, it was two or so years ago. And I just think that it's like Austin and Craig in its purest form, let's say, because A, we didn't know what we were doing. We arguably still don't know what we're doing. So

I'm going to shut up now and y'all enjoy and we'll see you next week. Okay. Are we recording? I think we're going to do it. I think this is new. Let's make sure that it's working. So are we going to cheers to start off this? Sure. You don't like the Bordeaux that we have? I just didn't realize we were at a fancy restaurant, but I appreciate it. And I appreciate the wine glass you provided me with.

I appreciate it. I put ice in mine because I don't like warm beverages, but... And that's a very strange thing to do, Craig, but you do strange things, so I'm happy. It's true. I guess that's how we became friends in the first place. So, uh... Well, I think I do strange things, too, by the way. I think you... You always say this, and then you always cite it, and you're like...

And Austin's going to do some weird things. And I'm like, I don't think that I'm that weird, but I guess that makes me happy that you think that I'm weird. I mean, who wants to be normal in this world except every person that's still in grade school? Because they don't realize that

You end up on TV shows when you're weird as heck. Sure. Weird as heck. Is this a PG podcast? No, it's not. I just want to get this out of the way. We don't know the rules yet. Okay. Well, I think that we make our own rules. I do, too. That's a beauty of a podcast. And I think that's what the editing's for, is they can take out...

Except our live podcast, so... They aren't going to bleep and edit me. I know that much. You can't bleep me. I don't think... We'll wait until we have Shep on here, and all you'll hear is a constant emergency message of like... Amber Alert. Because the largest child is missing! Singer! So, Austin and I have decided to do this podcast, I think, at least once a week. I don't know, probably once a week for...

In the same place. It should definitely be once a week, and even if we're not in the same place... Yeah, we can still do it. I mean, if y'all could see this scene right now, we have like...

Two pretty awesome microphones, a bunch of headphones. So if you're in the Bahamas or wherever in the world, we should be able to record this podcast. Yeah, we also have two Bud Lights and two glasses of wine. That's true. We do. So we... But Craig, let's kind of talk about why we decided to do this. Well, I'm saying we're going to play nine holes of golf before every time we record. Actually, that's funny. So we played today. Austin was much better than me today.

Yeah, not much, but... He spent the whole day filming endorsements, so I didn't really have anyone to talk to, but... Okay, well, that's true. I will give Craig that, you know, kind of part of the reason that we got out there. I was like...

Um, truly sparkling beverage, which is 5% alcohol by volume and a hundred calories, uh, paid me to do some advertisements. So I wanted to be outdoors. It's warm outside. And, uh, I think that people kind of underestimate how much time it takes to film something. I mean, do you,

Well, no, it's because, yeah, I mean, obviously everyone out there thinks we're like trying to do a YouTube channel or something. And the golfers are like, what are these two morons doing? But, you know, I'm like filming you from different angles and like standing on top of the golf cart to get this shot. Right, right. And then we have golfers, you know, breathing down our backs. And then it's like, okay, okay, we'll do it on hole six. And I'm like, wait, we're already on hole six? We're only playing nine. Fortunately, it's on the course that...

I belong to in the community I live in, but I thought Austin called me last night because he wanted to hang out. He's like, Craig, we should play nine holes tomorrow. And I should have realized that there was something up with only wanting to play nine holes. The reason he wanted to go golfing was to film this endorsement.

Well, it's not entirely true, but it is sort of true. So what's this scene that you want to set for everyone? You said you want to set up a foundation of what we're going to be doing. Okay. Well, I think that what you said to me a few times and kind of what drew me to this podcast the most, or the idea of doing this podcast, was that...

We film for what? Three or four months a year? Mm-hmm. And then we're off for eight months. And in those eight months, lots and lots of things happen. Yeah. Right? And people are probably like, what's Craig up to? What's Austin up to? What's...

And so I just think that it's a good, you know, not to spill the dirt on what everyone else is doing. That's not the purpose of this, you know, because hopefully our friends will come and want to do this with us, right? But it's more so to kind of like where we all are and what's happened, you know? And this year could be a different year that Southern Tribe has ever experienced in that they might not want to film with us again until 2020, which is like a full, like,

11 months off of filming which I know that you think is crazy oh yeah I mean a lot of stuff happens in that time I mean there's breakups there's new relationships in the time that we've been off I've been in a fake race I've been in a fake relationship and then broken up in that fake relationship and we'll definitely dive into it I really don't ever want to breaks for you but kind of doesn't because

the women so are not few yeah so basically like there's a ton and I think we just think that you know a lot of people we get a lot of messages saying you know what are you guys doing what's going on we wish how can we keep up with you in the offseason other than your Instagram stories and I think this is gonna be a great way basically you know Shep Austin and I were at the players championship um

Last week. We're just diving into this one, huh? Well, I'm just giving an example of them. We rode home in a car, and the reason Shep wasn't in that car. And so I had fun back from the Bahamas to meet up with them in Jacksonville. And, you know, like, the second day, obviously there was an incident, and Shep left the tournament and didn't come back with us the third day. And Austin and I were riding home, and we were like, the conversation we had for four hours was, I thought, hilarious. And we were like, you know what?

I think it would be fun to share this with everyone because it was ridiculous. And if we're already exposing ourselves on TV the way we do, I think we owe it to you guys to see into our lives past that. Okay, so we've established the basis for why we want to do this podcast, right? Yeah. And now I think that we...

I don't think anyone is going to argue with those reasons. And now people are turning up the volume and they're like, okay, now what are these two very intelligent gentlemen going to tell us about this? I have a bone to pick with Austin. Okay. Well, I have a bone to pick with a lot of my friends. And I'm curious how people feel about this. And I think that this has got to be a relative. I mean, I talked to...

Stassi the other day mentioned this to her and she, because, you know, I was asking her some advice and Austin about the podcast and I mentioned this topic and she was like, yeah, I mean that, see, that's what people want to hear. Just tell me the topic. So we're at the golf tournament at the Players Championship. The PGA Tour hat is down.

What a wonderful time it was. Yes. By the way, they rolled out the red carpet for us in such an awesome manner. It, in my opinion, was kind of like when you fly, you know, first class, you're like, I don't want to ever go and coach again. No. Like, that's what happened to us. We've never... We got taken care of so, so well. Yes. We've never been more spoiled than that. So now I'm like, ugh, who sits in the galley? So I got kind of drunk and was trying to fall asleep one night.

And my moron friends started showing me pictures of my ex. Oh, no. You're talking about me. I showed you a picture. Yeah, Austin and I were in the skybox over the 17th green at Sawgrass having a great time. And all of a sudden, he's like, look, ha-ha, look at Naomi. She's having fun in Bali or something. And look, I love Naomi to death. I have no qualms with her. But for my own sanity. Do you love her to death? Don't. Yeah.

Yeah, but I'm saying for my own sanity, I don't follow her on Instagram anymore because I don't want to see her taking her new boyfriend to places that we dreamt about. Sure. So you show me that they're in Bali. Well, that night I was kind of drunk or pretty drunk. You didn't drink that much in Sawgrass, did we? Yeah, I know, right? So I had to look like what they were doing. So I go to her profile and...

And it pops up on people's pictures who likes, you know, who your friends in common with that like the picture. And I noticed that like five of my best friends have liked this picture of Naomi and her new boyfriend.

And I don't think I'm cool with that. When my friends break up with someone, I either unfriend the person on Instagram or never like a picture of theirs, but I certainly don't like a picture of them and their new boyfriend. And I mean, like, my roommate did it. I just don't get it. Now let's open the floor because we know what you're trying to say. Okay. So...

I want to play devil's advocate. Well, you're not devil's advocate because you were like, so great to see you having fun in Bali. And I'm like, Austin, what the heck, man? You make me sound like a concierge service. Oh, so great. Let me know if you need anything. No. I like the picture. I showed it to you. And you and I have had this conversation plenty of times. And the conversation goes as thus. Okay? You and Naomi did not wrong each other. You just didn't work out. Right. And so for that reason...

I am friends with both of you. I'm better friends with you, Craig, you know, but Naomi and I are friends, right? And you would never tell me to not be friends with her because that would be some weird shit. So, okay, so there's that, okay? So I obviously don't think that I, you know, should have shown you this picture because now when I'm thinking about it, right, if I break up with Madison...

I'm not going to want you to be like, look, look, Austin, look. She's with this new freaking 1% body fat guy who hasn't eaten a carb since 2001. And I just think that I totally understand where you're coming from. Yeah, but you're deflecting on... You're deflecting. What about I have...

several of my friends, I'm looking at the likes right now, like Sean, my roommate, Connor, his brother, like all of these guys that were just friends with me liking the pictures. So in a more simple, objective way,

So, like, your friends... Okay, so basically the question is, just pose me the one-sentence question. So the question is, should you like your friend's ex-girlfriend's pictures after they break up? And I think that that is a hell of a question, Craig, and I can't answer it fully, but I think that a lot of people who would listen to this would have...

many, many opinions. But the opinion I have is... So name was... So if you and Madison break up... Okay. And... Okay, I'm closing my eyes right now. And... Alright, so name someone that wasn't friends with Madison other than through knowing you.

Wait, okay. Wait, what does that mean? Like, name one of your friends that's only friends with Madison because she started dating you. Oh, okay, okay. My good buddy Chase. Yeah, or like Tony or someone. Sure. And then all of a sudden you guys break up. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. And then you see that they're still liking their pictures. I think it's weird. Or like my sister. Yeah. Yes. I think it's a loyalty thing. Okay, yeah. I mean, I don't want to be that person and be like, Katie.

unfollow Madison right now, you know? Because I don't want to be that person. But at the same time, I'm like, why is she still liking their pictures? But I've never liked Sean's ex-girlfriend's pictures. Well, Craig, you're a good friend. Well, so I'm the good friend by not doing it. But that does not make me a bad friend because I'm not going to put up the cross and be like, Christ compels you. I think you're different because your life intertwined with my ex's, but like...

I don't know. I just think... Does your brother follow Naomi still? No. No. No. Okay. Do your parents? No. I don't know if they're active on Instagram. No. Like, well, all right, let's take this away from Naomi. Okay. But I'm saying, like, I guess to our viewers and, like, listeners, like...

You know, if you want to call in, we'd love to hear your take on this. Because to me... I wonder if we can have callers. Can we have callers? Yeah. That would be amazing. Then we can have feedback. But, like, I just... I don't know. I think it's something to be talked about. And I think, like, when I... I will tell you that I sent a mean text to my group text message, like, of my friends. Because, like...

Four of my nine best friends from college liked her picture. And they are not, so they live in California. They had only met her one time. They're not in her life at all like you have been. And I'm like, why are you liking this picture of her and her ex on vacation? She has no bearing in your life anymore. Why are you liking her picture? To me, I thought it was weird. Okay, well, other people would think that it's weird that you are harping on this for so long.

I've been harping on it so long. I think that's a good question. I looked at it one night. I think that's a good question, right? And the simple question is, is it okay to like your buddy's ex's photos? That's a good question. But now you're sitting here and now you've gone on about it for five or six minutes. Because this is a topic and you won't give your answer. No, I have given my answer. So you think it's okay? I think it's okay. I'm not going to tell you. Well, okay, well, you're different because you've known Madison for years.

But I'm not going to tell my sister to unfollow Madison. I'm just not. I'm just not going to do it. I didn't say unfollow. I said like. Oh, so you want her to be a ghost follower. Yes. Like 90% of our followers. Like normal people. Where you see something and you have 450,000 followers, Craig, and you get 13,000 likes on a picture.

And it's like, who are these other 423,000 assholes? I just think that if you guys broke up. So you're asking me to be a ghost follower to Naomi. No, I think it's the fact that if you and Madison break up and she finds someone new and you see, if you clicked on her picture, that it says, see a kind of her like this picture of her and her new boy. I think you'd be asking the same thing of me being like, why did you like this picture of her and her new boyfriend? I think you're right.

I think you're right. But I think that you and I are two, you know, we represent the sensitive side of the male. Yeah, but you're liking her pictures and commenting on them. You're not even just liking them. You're commenting on them. You're like glad to see you live in the good life. Okay, show me this comment right now. Let's pull up Austin's comment on this picture.

Please. I applaud your resilience through these hard times without Instagram. Pressing times for all. Okay. That's actually really funny because what did she say? She was like, oh, I haven't had internet in like four days. So I haven't been able to post about Bali. So I said, you said kissy face.

Okay, read the comment. But you guys are closer. Because give it the context. Give it the context. Because she was like, oh, I haven't been able to post in four days. As in like, that's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life. So I was like, I applaud your resilience for not having internet. It was kind of making fun of her, kind of poking fun, kind of. Well, no, she said smiling through Bolly Billy, which on, if we take Naomi out of this.

I can't lie to people. I am not great with, I hate bathroom humor. To me, that's just like... I don't think you're the only one. I just, to me, it's not, it doesn't work too well. You know, on my first date, my first date with Chelsea, right? In season four, we go to home team.

And she was like, hey, that's like an icebreaker. And I'm saying this because it's no secret. It's literally on the show. She's like, hey, tell me about the first time that you shit your pants. And I was like, what? I don't want. And she's like, well, the first time that I did. And I was like, oh, no, Chelsea, I don't want to hear this. Wait, she said that? But Chelsea and Cameron weren't the same. They love toilet humor. Yeah, and I don't have anything against people that...

I do, but, like, I just, it's not something that I find funny. The same with, uh, if the one way to make me, like, to turn me off instantly, like, you could be the hottest girl in the world, but if you think that mustaches are funny, it drives me nuts. You know how girls, like, hold up the fake mustaches in pictures? Craig, this is, like, this all just seems, like, I, like, it's all...

turning back on Naomi because her and her friends do that. Basically, you just have all these grievances that her and her friend group do. I'm just being honest. This sounds like... What's your pet peeve with a girl? Oh, man, that's... Those are my only two. I don't know. Basically...

I tend to date girls that have my personality and that are very headstrong. And that is wrong because you can't have two very headstrong people in the same relationship. I figured out you will never agree on anything.

I don't know. For me, it's not a pet peeve. That's the question. You gotta answer the question. What's your pet peeve? I know instantly. It's the mustaches. I don't care about bathroom humor or whatever. I'm just saying I don't prefer it. I don't think that's funny. So if I hold this up to my mouth... No, when girls do it and they tattoo it on their finger, I just don't think it's funny. So what is your... You're leaving me here sounding like a crazy person. You are a crazy person, Craig. I...

Um, that baffles me. Why could that piss you off so much? I don't know, Austin. Because I don't know why it would be like... That would be like me doing something to look like a girl and think that's funny. I legitimately don't even want to try to get into the head of you. Into your brain to know why this pisses you off so much. Like why it just...

Drives you to the brink. Oh, it does. And you're like, listen, uh, Claudia Schiffer in 1990, sorry, it's not going to work out because you do the mustache sign. But that's how, like, I mean, like, I could be in, like, on Raya or something with, like, the prettiest girl and just be like... Did you just name drop Raya? Well, I mean...

I feel like you guys have encouraged me to use... No, no, no. Don't say you guys. Besides more... Don't say you guys, Craig. You're talking about one person, and it's not me. Who? You're talking about Shepard. Well, Shep will be on the show next week, and I feel like... Well, obviously, it'll be a show all about Shep, but... We won't even get a word in. That's probably... But actually... No, okay. No, no, no. We won't even go there. That'll be later. There's so much to dive into.

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And I know that you have people that are reaching out to you 24-7, like, what's going on with your pillows? People are reaching out to me, and they're like, what's going on with your beer? And I just think that, you know, and like not even to give a shout-out to our companies, but kind of to give... I feel like that's exactly what you're doing. No, no, no. It really isn't. It really isn't. I mean, Craig, that's what our social media does. You know? I mean, it is kind of like an update. Like,

what's the update on your company and I'll give the quick update online and we can move on so that it's not like hey what you should do is drink chop hop beer I mean mine since you won't get to see it well yeah so mine is my company launches in three days I'm really excited because after three years of talking about it it's finally a real thing we

We have manufacturers and we have merchandise and pillows and it's a real thing. So I'm pumped because all of a sudden the thing that I've been talking about for years will be a real thing and I think it's gonna be some cool stuff. And I think fortunately it's very different than what Shep's doing so I don't think there's any competition there and I think we can all support each other on that front. - I think that's an interesting point 'cause I don't think that there's anyone

There's not anyone in this group that is doing the same thing. Everyone has something different going on. I'm going to make a Shep is my seamstress shirt. Really? That would be my Craig is my lawyer thing. That's funny. See, that's good. So what are you doing? I saw you bought a party buzz. Yeah, okay. Well, interesting. So not only can I empathize with you on what you said about the...

you know after three years and finally it it's like you know people will reach out and people just assume they're like okay so where's your beer or where's your pillows craig how come i can't you know outfit my entire home with your pillows and how come my you know fridge isn't full of your beer and um i think after people like us

we didn't realize that how much goes into the back end, right? And it's like, oh my gosh, I got to set up this S Corp and insurance and this and that and go to the state and, you know, different things for different companies. And so mine has taken a long time because it's just me, kind of like, you know, with you. But so in the meantime, what I've done is, I guess to the naked eye, I've bought,

a quote unquote party bus. But what it is, is it is a brewery tour company and it is a franchise. And I bought one of the franchises in Charleston.

So you come in town, you pay for the bus, not to bore you, but you pay for the bus. Yeah, what are we doing? You go to three or two breweries depending on, you know, which tour that you sign up for. And I just think that it's a lot of, I mean, you know, bachelor and bachelorette parties, love it. You know, companies that come from out of town or whatever, you know, they're like, let's go. I mean, your friend group comes or just some, you know, beer nerd comes in town. Is it during the day or at night? At night.

There's a day tour and then there's like a happy hour tour and that happy hour tour ends at like 7:30, you know 8:00 so I don't know like you know to me it was presented to me and I would have normally been like no no net I'm good like quit trying to dump your company on me, but there's really no like it was It was a no-brainer for me. It really was. Yeah, but are they like random people on the bus or is it just one group? Yeah, yeah

Maybe I'll just come ride your bus every day and be like, hey guys. No, seriously. Craig, I would love that. And you know that they would too, so I don't even pretend. But yeah, so normally twosomes and 14 people can get on. So it could be one big group or it could be six twosomes or whatever. Well, we've got...

Two more topics or three more today. Why don't you tell everyone why you keep checking your watch, what we're about to do tonight, because you're forcing me to watch basketball this week. What are we doing today? We're going to Gamma on basketball. Oh, right. Okay. So I do keep on checking my watch. Apparently I'm up money. I don't really have any idea what's going on, but I gave Austin $100 last week and was like, just count me in on whatever you're doing. Okay. And Craig, you're welcome that I'm such a good friend because...

We are gambling on March Madness, to put it bluntly. So what happened was a buddy of mine that owns a really fun bar here in town, Uptown Social, we all kind of got together, or we were sitting there last weekend watching. So Shep, Craig, myself, and Keith are sitting there watching, and we're like, hey, let's throw in money.

on a parlay, right? So for those that aren't familiar with gambling, a parlay means that you bet on a number of games, one, two, three, four, five, you know, they can go up as high as you want, but that would be forced. If you lose one, you're screwed. If you lose one, then you lose the whole bet. So every bet has to hit. But what happens is that

your winnings are greatly increased, right? So we all put in $100, so we did a $400 parlay on two games, which won us $1,200 total. So we're all up, you know, $300. Yeah, but it's so we know who, like, Shep and I have no clue, well, I don't think either of us know what's going on. Have you read our group chat? I don't either, though. It's like...

I'm like, who are we fans of? Who are we rooting for? I was driving back from Myrtle Beach and I was listening to it on my car stereo. I was like, who are we rooting for? Do we like the blue team, the red team? What's happening? Sure, sure, sure. So basically what that translates to me is that Craig is a girl and he's like...

Like, oh my God, that guy's hot on that team. I'm going to root for Portugal. He's not doing fake mustaches. And so Craig is basically like one who infuriates me about sports. But not that I know who the hell is going to hit. We just got lucky with actually two bets. Well, then I can actually watch it. And so we had a bet going, and we actually hit twice on two separate occasions. Craig, is that your computer? I don't know what it is.

And so we hit twice on two separate occasions. So we were up and then we lost horrifically on the third day. But that's okay. I didn't know that. And so Craig didn't know. Neither did Shep because Shep wasn't responding to the group text. And so I called him. I said, buddy, where the hell are you? And he's like, oh, my bad. I don't know. I don't know what's going on. And I said, okay. So...

what's it called being like a legal you know representation i was like so i can you know i can speak yeah are you giving me permission to give me consent yes yes and so that's what happened it's called a bookie austin well i'm not a bookie i was just putting down like okay he's good for it but now what's happening tonight is that keith and i were like okay well these two idiots won't respond to us so let's go out on our own yes you didn't include us which is bullcrap i

It's bull duty because we don't know if we can curse yet or not apparently, Craig. But yeah, it's not bull crap because you weren't responding. Like you were driving back from Riddle Beach because Craig was. Craig? Well, I was doing a CLE to keep my attorney's license active. So I was doing good stuff. And we can all give Craig a round of applause. Craig is making strides to stay active or maintain his license. Keeping Shep out of cuffs one weekend at a time.

I bet you have many stories about that. But... But... So, Craig is gone. And we're all texting in this group chat. And... And, you know, Craig essentially just gives, like, a... Yay, sports! You know, text. And I was like, oh, my God. Well, I thought we were going to be rich. But... Apparently... That's why I was about to... Rich? I mean... I told everyone... Or I was about to tell everyone, like... If you want to, like, like sports all of a sudden... Or basketball in general... And, like... Boyfriends... You want to get your girl to watch...

Or girls, if you want to care what your boyfriend's watching, just put some money on it. And then you care. But then the problem is if you lose, then you're really going to hate sports. And then you're not going to watch anymore. Or play fantasy. Right? Because that's a way for you to get involved. That's true. I always forget to set my line up. So I'm a horrible, like, I'm not good at that.

That surprises absolutely nobody listening to this podcast. And like, I always have a great team and I'm like, if I were to just like half the time, I'll have like three people on bi-weeks on my roster. I'll be like, man. Craig, to switch to like a real topic real quick. Do you think that that applies to life in general for you? I have no idea, Austin. I think that, you know, you forget to apply a lot of things in your daily life.

Well, it's Anna Hayward's fault. It's not mine. We'll take a brief 15-second commercial break to thank Craig's assistant. Yes, I repeat, Craig's assistant, Anna Hayward, for buying us these microphones. But if this podcast is staticky, it is Anna Hayward's fault. 100%. Man, Craig's adult babysitter. It's her fault. It's her real-life life coach in person or whatever.

I hope that you're enjoying this throwback episode because we'll be right back.

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I was going to say, what shows are you watching right now? What shows? That I would be surprised that you're watching. Okay, well, this is a good... Sure. This is like a good and safe topic. Are you a Bachelor guy? Yeah.

No, because I was going to ramble about... Let me just go on a 30-second rant about The Bachelor. I really got to get it off my chest. I know that probably a lot of you watch it. You really do. But I just think that that show, I mean, that meme that is out there couldn't ring more true. The meme is like...

The bachelor's watched by a bunch of women that hate players yet are playing, you know, 30 women, blah, blah, blah. And you know, the meme that I'm talking about. And it's like, yes, this show is a complete shill for normal people.

To go out there and gain as many followers as they can in three months of horse shit. I just can't imagine... And then they get asked back to Bachelor in Paradise and to all these other embarrassing things. And the fact that they do it... Like, I know people. Craig, I... Like, the women that you and I have judged our pageants for are on the show. Oh, really? Yes. And I'm not going to say any names.

But I just can't imagine being attracted. You just want to get as many followers as possible. It's a total shill. I can't be attracted to someone that is willing to spend a month convincing me they're good enough while she knows I'm talking to other girls or making out with other girls. The self-value there drives me nuts. You should be like, look, if you don't like me, you don't like me.

I'm peace. Like, I'll move into the next guy. But to be like, no, no, no, no, no. Like, I can prove that I'm better than this other girl. Like, there's... Like, we should not... That shouldn't be on TV. Like, we shouldn't be encouraging girls to, like, be like that. Because, like, it's kind of like what College of Charleston was like because we had so many girls to every one guy. Like, it was nuts. But they didn't act like that. They were all badasses and would just tell you to go, you know, just go piss off. I just think that the show...

is it doesn't... Look, yes, Craig, you and I are also on reality television, and you've been on it for six years. I've only been on it for three. But we have to show a lot of things, right? Yeah, I lived out an entire fucking breakup on TV. And so...

You know what? I'm just going to get off the Bachelor rant before I get in trouble and people start... They're not on our network, are they? No, they're not. You know, because I know that, you know, it's like the most popular show in the country, which is like why these people are like, let's get on it and get Insta-famous in two months and

And then go and start businesses and such. So you think most of the people on The Bachelor these days... 98%. Are going for self-promotion not to actually find love. I could not...

and if you think otherwise, then I, then I actually think that you're insane or living in a fantasy. You're insane. No one's like, Oh my God, I saw a picture of this guy. I'm in love with him and I'm going to go on the show and prove my love to him. And in, you know, six weeks surrounded by a bunch of other, you know, hot girls or guys, right? Like it sounds like a,

nightmare. And you're like, wait, he's already dating someone? Imagine having to compete for one girl. Because look, I wouldn't win. Let's just be honest. I wouldn't fucking win. I couldn't deal with it. It would drive me insane. I'd probably, you know, try and become friends with like a bunch of them, but I bet that a bunch of these guys that are doing the show are

absolute tools. I can't believe that. Dude, I can't watch. They're like, oh dude, my pecs are bigger than... I watched one year, and we probably shouldn't say this, but whatever, we can cut it. You did? One year, and it was like the last three episodes, and I was like, alright, who is this guy going to pick? Who is this guy going to pick? You shouldn't be saying this, but the finale, and we'll have to cut this, but the finale...

I can tell it was at a green screen. They were standing on a dock and like they were in this beautiful, like it looked like subtropic area and you could see the screen moving. Like they were at a green screen and I was like, this production is driving me nuts. Like I've been like, I've been approached a little, a few times about like, would you ever do a dating show? And I was like, I wouldn't like, I was like, I can't even break up with one person, like let alone break up with 30. Like I'd be like,

This is where we're going to switch gears. I'm going to say one thing to you. You absolutely would do a dating show. No, I wouldn't. No doubt in my mind. No, I wouldn't. Yes, you would. It would be called like So In Love With Craig. Crying with Craig. Crying with Craig. That's a good one. What about So In Love With Craig? S-E-W. No, I told Austin on the golf course today. I was like, I want to write this down.

I have one goal. I was like, I have until November to find a new partner. And Austin's like, why? And I was like, because the new Frozen comes out in November. And I obviously need someone to go watch the new Frozen with. But Craig, I'm embarrassed that you say that and not because of Frozen. We've watched Frozen together with...

What am I going to sit here and say that I don't like? There are lots of things that I'm probably not embarrassed about to watch. Well, my relationship recently hasn't been great. But the fact that you said that you've watched an entire season of Bachelor, I say to you... I said the last three episodes. To switch gears, kind of like a Game of Thrones gear, is like shame. I didn't watch the whole season. Shame. I should flee through the streets of Charleston. Which was good. But yeah, so I have to fly to... Well, not have to. I'm flying to Miami tomorrow.

And I said, you have to fly to Miami. I said, I don't have to. I'm choosing to fly to Miami and go to Music Week. My friend got like, well, I have one good example, like good reason because like my friend got hit by a car a few weeks ago. So I'm like, oh, I'm going to visit him. But really, I'm going to party in Miami and meet some chicks. But...

If I'm not too shy to talk to any of them. But Craig's meeting chicks. Austin and I have flown a few times together and flying drives me nuts recently. Like I'm saying like I'm gonna make a shirt that says flying's not that hard. I mean. Or traveling. But the airport man like there's nothing like the guy in front of you going through the metal detector and it goes off and then he like takes his watch off goes off again and

And then they're like, well, do you have anything in your pocket, sir? And he pulls out like 60 cents, like 60 pennies in his pocket. And then forgets that one penny. Yeah. And you're like, this isn't that hard, guys. People are like, what do you mean I have to take my shoes off? And it's like, if you don't want to take your shoes off, get pre-checked. It's not that hard. But there's nothing that infuriates me more than the boarding process when they're like,

You sound like Clooney in Up in the Air, right? I haven't seen it. Okay, well, Clooney... I don't watch sad movies. Clooney essentially racial profiles, and he's like, you always get behind the Asians. They keep their shit neat, and let's not even get into that topic. Well, that was all you. It's like neat. Like, you know, they're like, okay, shoes off, this little tiny bag,

code off wallet done okay but let me tell you another aspect about flying with Craig Conover okay Craig says flying and traveling isn't that hard Craig is the most difficult person to travel with I have been to several locations with Craig and he knows exactly what I'm about to say I don't actually there are two separate instances of the girls in life I want to leave you okay so we can say five

Different instances, okay, but these two in particular and we'll leave the other three for another time, but these two particular instances are

Craig and I fly to Miami we fly to Miami to meet up with Whitney. Oh, yeah Whitney is You know trying to cast for a new show that he's gonna film not to get too much into detail Let's just leave it at that and so Craig and I okay, you know last minute I I call Craig on Thursday. Oh, Craig. You're gonna go Miami. He says, uh, yeah, actually so we leave on Friday morning We've got a Miami

We have a fantastic evening, which ends, that we can get more into detail if we wanted to. It ends at 11 with a hockey team. With a hockey team, right? And Craig somehow gets roped in. And I don't know the Miami area enough, but Craig ends up getting in the car with them and going like 45 minutes away to some, you know. Like Boca Raton. Sure. To hang out with the Seinfelds. And so Craig, so I go back to my hotel room. I fall asleep.

Wake up the next day at like 11. I'm like, Craig, let's get breakfast. Craig texts me. I'm back in Charleston. I was like, what? He was like, I partied fucking too hard last night. I'm back. I was like, so you just bought a flight to Charleston. Didn't tell me. Like we came here together. Yeah. Okay. Okay, cool. So scenario two.

So I left Austin and Miami the first time. Just left me. Just didn't tell me anything. So scenario two is Craig and I get invited out to L.A. to do like a press tour for season five of Southern Charm. And Craig, let's say at the end of the trip, Craig and I, we have a big night. We're back at the hotel room and Craig had talked to mutual friends. I talked to friends who, who were they again?

Just... It was... You can have the say if you don't want to. That's fine. No, but it was Lala and Randall and it was my birthday. And for my birthday, Randall said that he would...

I could fly back with him. On a what? To Savannah on a private jet. No, say it. What did you always say? On a PJ. On a PJ. Yeah, I could fly on a PJ for my birthday. See, guys, I didn't know what that meant. And I asked... I don't know what PJ means. PJ apparently means private jet. Yeah, not peanut butter and jelly anymore. So I told... I asked Randall if I could take...

you know, Austin with me. I was like, we're out on this trip together. And I was like, you know, he's never been on one, blah, blah, blah. And they were like, of course. They were like, certainly, no problem at all. So, but they were like, you have to be at the jet by, what time was it? It was like, 7.30. Yeah, it was like, we're not gonna wait for you. And so, Craig and I were up at 5.30 or whatever. And me,

I'm different than Craig or James' mother. Even though you were up at 5.30 with me, you're different. No, no, no. I'm different in the sense, Craig, that I need to get sleep. I don't really pull all-nighters. You won't find me up the next day at 8 a.m. I have to get sleep. And I don't care if it's 3 a.m. Or, sorry, I don't care if it's 3 hours. I need sleep. I need a little bit, even if I can't sleep.

And Craig did too. But, you know, when Craig passes out after like a big night, I mean, I go up to his room. My alarm goes off. And it's hell on earth. I'm like, I felt like I slept for 20 minutes. Like, okay, we've got to get up and go. The downstairs lobby wouldn't give me Craig's room number because we're like, you know, we can't give you a guest's room number. They wouldn't give you the room key? No. Oh.

But I looked back, like I had to scroll back on our text because you had sent it to me. No, Craig, because you can't go to like, you know, some random Lego town and be like, hey, has Craig gone over here? What room is he in? That's, you know, totally f-ed. So...

So I looked back in our text. I'm like, okay, okay. Craig said, you know, room 324. So I go up there and I'm knocking on the door. Then I revert to like an absolute, like, you know, back heel horse kick where I have both hands on the doorframe and I'm back heeling the door. And these women that are, you know, cleaning the hallways are like, sir, are you okay? I'm like, no, can you open this door? And they're like, no, like we can't do that. Oh my God. So I'm back heeling this. And all the while I have a flight

booked by Bravo back to Charleston. And I was like, well, I'm not going to miss both flights. And I'm not going to have to pay for a $600 flight to go back to East Coast. So I get in the car that's waiting for me. I go to the airport. And when I get to the airport, Craig calls me. He's like, hey, hey, hey, we're late.

We have to go. We have to go to the airport. And I was like, Craig, I'm at the airport? And he was like, oh, well... And I said, you know, and secretly, I'm sorry to say this, but I was like, I hope Craig fucking misses his flight and he spends $1,000 to get home because he just F'd us both. And the next thing I know, I'm landing in Atlanta to get to my connection. Craig's calling me. He was like, I just landed in Charleston. Man, that flight was kind of lame because I was the only one on the flight. And I was like,

I could absolutely strangle you right now. No, we called and you were like, I just landed in Savannah or whatever. No, no, no. You had landed in Savannah. Oh, yeah. I was in Atlanta.

Oh, yeah, but you were like, I missed my flight because I was on the back of the plane, and I couldn't get off in time and miss my connection. And you had this, like, chuckle to your voice, and you're like, ha-ha, so how are you going to get back from L.A., bro? How are you going to make it back to Charleston? And I was like, dude, I'm in Charleston. Like, I just got in my car. And he's like, what? And then, like, he couldn't speak. And he's like, what do you mean you just got back to Charleston? And I was like, well, for my birthday, like, Randall was nice enough to, like,

Fly me fly that have the jet take me from Savannah to Charleston I was like, you know I was had to fly through a thunderstorm by myself like it was pretty scary blah blah and I just Austin hang up the phone. Yeah, I did. I definitely hung up the phone because I just landed in Savannah or in Atlanta and I had taken off hours prior to Craig obviously and

And I'm not kidding you when I tell you that I was Jack Dawson. Isn't that his name in Titanic? I was Jack Dawson. I was last row. I was in seat 36E. And so when we got off, I was like, am I going to be that guy that gets up and runs? So I missed my connection to Charleston because I'm in the back of the plane and it was a tight connection. Yeah.

So traveling, basically my whole thing is that traveling with Craig is not easy. Like you just, I don't know. Not, not to bring it back. You can't leave my side. Well, in both of these instances, Austin left my side. He left my side when I went to Boca Raton. What am I, Squire? I'm not going to stand next to you. No, but then he left me in, in,

LA and I ended up on a PJ and you ended up in the back row of a commercial jet. Let's just end it on this. Craig calls it a PJ and I am at a loss for words. But, so, I mean, I think that was a good first round of things. We still don't have a name, obviously, but we're going to be doing this every week and we'll give you guys a link and

Where you can share your feedback and we'll answer, what are you going to say, like first 10 minutes next week, answer all the questions that people have? As much as possible. And then get into our normal stuff? I'm kind of just doing this as we go. I mean, talking to Stassi today was a good kind of rubric for what we should do. And let me say this, because this should be something to be said to keep them all accountable. Yeah.

Everyone on this show should be and will be a guest on this. Oh, yeah. They should come here and talk to us. And like I said, the whole point of this is not to talk about anyone else's life. I'm not going to spill the beans on what everyone else is doing in their life, but they should come here and do that themselves. Just share our stories. Stassi had Jax on her podcast two years ago to be like,

for all the girls listening, what could I have done better to like notice the signs that you were cheating on me? And Jack participated and he was like, you could have picked up on this, this, this, and this, you know, because everyone in their cast is like happy now, blah, blah. And so like, Do you think that Naomi will do this podcast great?

I think that would be maybe like a finale podcast where like I would just sit over here on this side of the table and be like, I don't know what to do. If you could see Craig right now. Do you want me back? Do you want me back? I don't know what to do. He's kind of like running his hands through his hair. They're all crazy. He looks nervous. I mean, that's something that we're going to have to get to. But also the show's airing.

In a month, and so who knows what's going to happen. May 15th, 8, 7 central, only on Bravo. Yeah, I don't know how I feel about the 8 o'clock time slot. What do you mean? It's the best time slot to be in. I thought 9 was. No, we are the lay-in to the later shows. If you're on later, then that means that they're trying to get more traction from the popular show before then.

So if we're on an 8 on a Wednesday, Craig, no one's going out to dinner on Wednesday. Yeah, because they canceled Scorpion, and Scorpion was one of my favorite shows. It doesn't matter. We are going to be the lead-in to this brand new show on Bravo that just popped up called Mexicalia or something, or Texicana. I haven't seen that. So do you think that Vanderpump is the lead-in to a show? Duh.

They aren't on at 10 o'clock. They're on it. But see, we're going to have the girls from Vanderpump on. We'll have, we have a lot of fun guests actually lined up. So even though this is the first one. I don't want to say too many promises, but I think that Brad Pitt and Leo are going to come on this podcast.

Okay, that's it for me. Craig can wrap it up. No, I think that's awesome, guys. I love it. Yeah, I think, you know, we're a little all over the place this time, but hopefully we bring you guys some laughs when we're not on. And, you know, yeah, we'll be back next week. And send us your comments and questions. All right, see you guys. Clap for sound.

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What's up, Pillows and Beers listeners? I'm Reality Steve. If you're a fan of The Bachelor and all things pop culture, reality TV, you should check out my show, The Reality Steve Podcast, a daily show about The Bachelor, other reality TV shows you may be watching right now. I definitely throw in a lot of Taylor Swift talk and so much more. Search Reality Steve on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. Hey girl, you can't make it? Aw, nothing

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