Sew In Love with Paige Desorbo: Part 1
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If you guys didn't realize, you're listening to Pillows and Beer. Welcome back to, well, welcome to our first episode ever from our real studio now, which is located above my garage. But Nick, as you all know, our famous producer has set us up amazingly here with my bestie Austin and my girlfriend Paige. Well, you're more than my girlfriend. You're Paige DeSorbo. Yeah. Oh, wow. Thank you.

That was really sweet. Yeah, that was really sweet. I am Paige DeSarabelle. I wasn't planning on saying my girlfriend and then it just came out. What do you think, Alston? This is... I am very anxious to see what it sounds like because obviously in my headphones it sounds amazing. I'm like, I could put myself to sleep. Actually, Paige's voice is going to put me to sleep with these headphones. Thank you so much. Oh my gosh. I would pay Paige to read me a bedtime story on this microphone. What kind of bedtime story? Okay. Um...

I don't know, Craig. One of the graphic novels I write on the side. Yeah. I think that she. Erotica. That she could. And then he slid. She slid his quivering member into her ear. Well, guys, I think Nick deserves an applause for setting this all up. And then, yeah, what do you guys think, audience? Yeah, studio audience. All right. Great.

Nick is famous because I made a point last time or a couple of times ago to say, or to ask Nick, if Nick had gotten any DMS or, or people had reached out to him. And Nick has now begun to send me DMS that girls have sent him. Isn't that right? Nick? Okay. Craig, you are way too good at that. I need to, I need to get my sounds right on the board, but yeah. Um,

I only because I can't stop laughing and I kind of want to explain what I'm laughing about. I haven't told pages, but I just got a text from Anna Hayward that the that the the soon the soonest that the squirrel removal people can get here is on Monday. But there's 100 percent of squirrel. What in the fuck? Where in the attic? I don't know, but I heard it the other day and it was like running around and I was like that little fucker. It's probably a raccoon.

Well, I wouldn't mind a raccoon being there. Because raccoons have families very quickly, and they will eat through anything to get to where they want to go. So if they want to burrow into your attic, then they will chew through your wood to get there. They can't come till when? Monday morning. Great. When I leave.

Perfect. Well, it's, I mean, they sometimes come in when it's like, it was because it was 40 degrees the other night. It's 78 right now. So I think we're okay. Well, I mean, we're fine no matter what. Not if it lives here. I mean, if you hear something in the ceiling, it's a squirrel. We're fine no matter what. I think. Probably. No, that's literally how Craig talks. He'll say a sentence and then I'll be like, well, maybe. Well, actually, I don't know.

I mean, well, not in a bad way. There's just a squirrel that lives upstairs. Well, we walked into my office today and Paige fucking screamed and scared the shit out of me. And I was like, what? Thinking it was a snake and it was a fucking lizard. Why would it be a snake? Because your scream was not one of... It was a lizard on the wall. It's not something you see every day.

When you're in South Carolina, it is. I didn't know that. You guys have a lot of critters, a lot of like... I won't go outside here to throw something in the trash because I don't like to hear the leaves...

Like rustling with like animals. You are such used to the concrete jungle in New York. I'm a motherfucking city girl. Desensitized to nature. And Craig doesn't even really live in nature. He just lives in a cul-de-sac. Like a normal person. Like a suburban. Yeah. A suburban dad. I only like rats. Oh my God. No. Which is basically pigeons. And that's. Squirrels are giant rat. Well, some of the ones. No, squirrels are cute, man. Right?

Right? Yes. Yeah, but not when they're gnawing into the bedroom. It's probably not as well. Otherwise, I just got a new roof. It's probably a snake, to be honest. No, you hear him like, it's probably poisonous. It's probably a snake. Oh my God, Greg, I will start crying tonight if I hear that. He can't get into the house. How do you know he already did? He got into the house. No, because that's completely sealed.

I think. Maybe. Wait, there was that that I was waiting to tell you on here, and then what was the other thing? Oh, we were talking about, we were watching South Park downstairs. Oh, yeah. And Paige...

It doesn't believe me that they just got like a $950 million contract for 16 episodes. No, no, no. No. For 16 episodes? No. No. They want to make like 18 movies. They want them to make 18 movies. And I was like, wait, they've only made one movie. South Park, Bigger, Longer, Uncut. I don't know what else that, with the name South Park on it. I know that Trey Parker and Matt Stone have made plenty of movies. Over a course of how long? Well.

Before South Park, they made a bunch of movies like Basketball and Orgasmo. I mean dumb but funny cult movies where if you went back and watched it, you would laugh your ass off. Like Basketball, have you ever seen it? I've never even heard of these. Basketball is top tier comedy movie. I don't get what you're saying. Baskets?

Yeah. They like create a sport. They create a sport because they suck at sports. And they're like, let's just like create a sport where like, it's like baseball, but you shoot a basketball and you get like a single, a double, a triple, a home run. And you try to psych them out and you drink beer. It's ridiculous, but it is comedy gold. Okay. Yeah. Give me what year? Early 2000s. Oh, okay. Probably like, if I had to guess, Nick, why don't you look it up? Probably like 2000 and I'm going to guess four. Two? Yeah.

2002, final answer. It's an absurd answer. No, it's not that absurd. Wait, okay, so yeah, $900 million. Oh, the South Park thing? Yeah. What does the contract say? I didn't know that they made baseball. Oh my God, dude, they're the stars of it, Craig. That's Don and Trey Parker. Yeah, man.

God, sometimes I'm like pop culture from the reamer and, uh, and, and it's through 2027 guaranteeing 30 seasons for the show and a whopping 14 original South Park movies for CBS is paramount streaming services. Okay. So that's like what baffles me about that is did you say 30?

30, yeah. So they basically, and I don't know if now it's like this, but they do every single person's voice on that show. So that is like so much work. We were talking about that today because I was like, whoever does the voices for this show is rich as fuck. It's them two. They do all of them. Dude, okay. Who are these guys? Okay, okay, okay. So they went to CU Boulder and Trey Parker is like the quarterback and Matt Stone will say this. So in basketball, Craig-

Matt Stone has like the Afro, right? He's Reamer. And Trey Parker is like the guy that makes all the decisions. And he's like the genius behind it all. He's the genius behind it all. Of course, I'm not going to take away from Matt Stone. I think they're both geniuses. But apparently Trey is like the guy that makes it all happen. And now...

Because they came out with that documentary on Netflix where it's like they put out an episode every seven days. And it like shows the process of how they do it. Because every episode that they put out now is current events. So they were just two friends in college that like... Two friends at CU Boulder. Yeah. Wow. Good for them. Are they married? Yes. Yes. Like how old are they? Well, now...

Now, I mean, shit, they're pushing 50, I'm sure. Or maybe they're in their 50s. I don't know. Wow. 40s, 50s. You guys should start just writing funny shit down, creating a TV show called Pillows and Beer. Well, that's why this is recording. So we have... Nick tried to put in a... He put in a Wi-Fi booster over there, but we need to order something that does better. But basically everything we talk about is recorded on here.

So we don't need Wi-Fi. That's why it's not going to get like staticky or jumpy like it does sometimes. I'm just trying to pull up the outline. So I think, and it makes me happy too, Paige, that you think that South Park is as funny as it is because it really is just like... Well, she was saying she thinks it's the only show that can still make fun of everything. Anything and everything. Yeah, they're the only show that doesn't get in trouble or like censored. I mean...

Do you remember the episode? I mean, I could say this about almost every single one, but they made Paris Hilton. Every time that she spoke, she spit up cum. It was like so gross. And Butters was her teddy bear. And Sarah Jessica Parker literally has like a horse face. It's like when she looks at you straight on. She looks at you straight on like in her head. And Lorde, remember Lorde? No. Wait, I feel like I remember this. It's your favorite character is Lorde.

Damn. That's something else. We know what we're doing. Okay. So something else I didn't know anything about, uh, and awesome was saying earlier, he bets page does, but him and Nick before we were on, um,

I'm excited for, for, for pages. We're talking about some kid named Jackson Mahoney's or Mahoney's or something. And I was like, I have no fucking clue. Jackson Mahoney's. He's an athlete, right? No, no, no, no, no, no. Who am I thinking of? Jackson Mahoney's is the brother of an athlete. Okay. And he is like a tick tock goofball who just like,

basically thinks he's famous because his brother's famous. Right. And so he's been getting like, he, he's putting the press for all these negative things that happened. And most recently, yeah, like he's actually a clown. Yeah. And most recently he got called out by a restaurant in Missouri. So somewhere in new Kansas city. And, um,

They were like, I'm sorry that you think that you're by proxy famous and you're using your fame to like try to, you know, put us out of business because he was, he was like, you're not going to see me and my friends. And they were like, we're a small business and we're, you know, we're pretty tight here. And like, you're not your brother. You're some dickhead Tik TOK star. And you're only a Tik TOK star because your brother is making $500 million and won a Superbowl.

But yeah, I just didn't know who he was. I figured he was a brother or like. Oh, I just figured that Paige knew more about this kid. You're on TikTok all the time. I'm on TikTok all the time. But what I try and explain to Craig is your algorithm gets sorted into things you like. So I'm not coming across a video of an NFL player's brother. You know, like I get makeup tutorials. But like he. How do I say this?

You know, he is not like your macho male athlete. He is like, I need to look him up now and see if I actually do know him. Craig, you, you should know him because he is the guy who, after the Ravens beat the chiefs, he like took a water bottle and like threw it all over the Ravens fan. Yep. That's where I know. And I, and like, he's been in the news for similar things like that.

And this restaurant just kind of called him out and they were like, we're sorry that you think you're famous by proxy. Like for the Ravens one, he was that, that wasn't, I would have reacted the same way. Wait, no, I've never seen his videos. Also, how young is he? He looks very young. I think everyone should describe their search page on or page. You do yours on Nick Ticknock, but Austin and I will do Instagram.

Your explore page? Yeah. I feel like that's like asking for someone what kind of porn do they listen or watch. I don't want to see your explore page. Really? You know exactly what it is probably. Yeah, yeah. I know exactly what yours is. Golden Retriever. Hold on. Craig's is Golden Retrievers, brunettes, snowboarding, and like an occasional. Raccoons. And guns. Raccoons and guns, yeah. Like army stuff. Army stuff. Okay, okay, okay. Well, I'm looking at my top 12. Well, Austin did say brunettes, but I would just say like girls.

Yeah. I mean, I have four. But yes, golden retrievers and raccoons. I have four blondes on my. Yes. Which is pretty, pretty on brand for you. I would say. I have a bunch of blondes and a picture of Macaulay Culkin where he looks like he's 80. I literally just have outfits. Just girls and outfits. No, there's a raccoon. There's a raccoon up in the corner. So like you don't, you don't have any like hot,

on there? No, but I will say on TikTok,

Me and my friends do send videos of like young hot guys who are, then we realize in college and then it feels weird. Yeah. But like we have crushes on them. I can see Amanda loving. That's who I send them to. Me and Amanda send. Like, you know, Gen Z guys with like their hair coming down. Full Gen Z. So it's like the guy that does the podcast with Prez. Yeah.

I think he's so hot. I actually don't know what his name is. He looks like the guy off Stone Age. Sid. No? Or am I thinking of someone else? No, you're thinking of someone else. Stone Age. You're thinking of Ice Age? Yeah, Ice Age. That's so rude to say about my hypothetical high school boyfriend. Wow. Yeah, yeah. No, not him, but there's one of them that does look like Sid.

You mean he doesn't have a jaw. This is what you're trying to say. I don't know. I'm not sure. Wait, are you his neck? Josh Richards is his name. And I think he's very good looking. Oh, great. Now he's going to DM or Craig. He's 19 and he dates. What do you think? She's just going to run after the tick tock guy. I mean, he's got some. I think DMs are a part of the three of our lives. Do you have a lot of guys slide in? I never have guys. Yeah.

No, I've never had a bunch of hockey players. I have hockey players, but I, in terms of athletic humans that I would date, I wouldn't put hockey player up on my top three. I see. I feel like, well, is that because of Luke? You're like, God, this guy's infuriating. I have gone out with a bunch of Rangers before, like out in like a club situation, but it's just, they're so fratty.

Really? Right. Yeah. I love hockey guys. Cause I'm like, yeah, like we would get along with these guys. I don't think I would actually ever date an athlete. Speaking of Craig left me in Miami with a bunch of hockey guys. Yeah.

And I didn't know where he went. Why'd you go to Boca Raton when you were 75? That's where their house was. Exactly. He was like, I'm converting. Yeah. I was like, I'm on the team now and I'm leaving. And I didn't go with them, Paige, because we were at 11 and I asked one of the guy's girlfriends who I thought worked there for a drink. And yeah. And he was like, dude, what? I'm sorry. See, I would take that as a compliment if I was the girl.

Right? Yeah. I don't think that she was like offended. He just happened to hear it and he was like, what did you just say? Yeah, he was the one that was like overprotective. Yeah. Even though the human body was overprotective. Also, she was dressed like she worked at a

But I guess that's every girl in Miami and Austin and I aren't used to that, right? Like we're not used to that style. You are not used to that style here. No. All right, guys. Well, we're going to take another quick break. Pocahontas, take us. I don't even know what song this is. Oh, I kind of like this. You know what song I like? Hmm.

Give it to us. Give it to us. You know the guy, Bazzy Paradise? Yes. I just recently got into it. Dig it hard. Do you love it? I have a whole playlist of just him. He's amazing. Okay, so I'm going to listen to more Bazzy. Thank you, guys. I'll send Anne Page talking about their music, and we're going to go right into it.

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All right, Craig. Craig with the interlude music. Craig, you could be a DJ. Yeah, I'm very impressed. Would it shock anyone that me and Corey had a mixing thing in our house on Bogart? No, no, it wouldn't shock me. The day I heard that Craig was a promoter, I was like, that...

Yeah. I didn't know this. I didn't know Crackers was a promoter. I was 19. That checks out. But so, so Paige, have, have you heard of the girl? Okay. So she's an NBA because she basically is. I've heard of this girl who got a Hornets player, got her pregnant. And then she basically was like, Oh, I'm pregnant now. Now we're done. And now you owe me like, like two 50 a month in alimony kind of thing. And then didn't you go do it to another player? No,

She doesn't only do it to other players. Now she does. Now college coaches bring her in to talk to them. And the coaches are like, beware of this hoe right here. And she's like, beware of girls that, that trap you like that. And she tells them how she does it. And she goes, my DMS look like a Nike commercial check marks everywhere. Do you know that I've never had any guy with a blue check mark DM me?

Craig, you're a lucky man. Well, I mean, I would, I don't, fortunately, I don't think Paige is going to run away. Um, if that squirrel comes in tonight, I'm out of here. She's like, do you have squirrels in your attic? Cool. I'm good.

I would see what you make him buy you a plane ticket. I would like to talk to you about one of our sponsors, Timeline Nutrition, and one product in particular, MitoPure. MitoPure is one of the first products to offer a precise dose of urolithin A to help upgrade your mitochondrial function, help increase cellular energy, and help improve muscle strength and endurance. I've started taking it recently and I've started to tell that there is definitely when I work out or I'm active.

but might appear does more than just help with my muscles. It can help with health span as well. I want to be one of those granddads one day that you see in the video of him swinging his grandkid around. I want to rely on myself for as long as I possibly can.

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Taking two soft gels a day for two months and you could see significant improvements in your cellular energy, muscle strength, and endurance. After four months of taking Mito Pure, you might feel yourself getting stronger, recovering faster after a workout, and experiencing less inflammation, all part of your healthier aging routine, which is honestly amazing.

Timeline is offering 10% off your first order of Mito Pure. Go to timeline.com slash pillowsandbeer. That's T-I-M-E-L-I-N-E dot com slash pillowsandbeer. These statements and products have not been evaluated by the Friedenslog administration. These products are not invented by no street pure company.

The

Who? The blue checkmark that you're leaving me with. I'm eating it up. No, that's a hypothetical, stupid question. I have never flown to meet someone. No.

Really? And I've never been flown anywhere by a guy. It's not my vibe. It's called morals, Craig. She has moral fiber. This is a new thing for her. I know that a lot of guys during COVID, when it was really down, who had access to private flights, that's when it just shot through the roof. Like Instagram models that were...

Anyone that looked hot on Instagram was getting messaged and being like, hey, do you want to fly to LA and come to my house and 30 minutes outside of the city and just post up here for a week? My guy friends all did it. I lived with them. I met a new girl each weekend. Really? Yeah. It was very nice to meet you. I offered a few of them some jobs because I didn't have anything else to talk to them about. I bet they were lovely. Yeah, they were lovely. Lovely girls. Never saw a single one of them again. You're an animal.

You guys would have thrived. I've, I've never flown anywhere to see anybody. Let me think. Yeah. I love when we say this stuff. Like, wait, let me think. Yeah, no, I've never. No, have you ever met? Yes. Okay. No, no, I've never flown a girl here because I'm like,

Because I was like, if you come here, it's like on, like, you know, you just fly here and then everything else will be taken care of and we'll have fun. And you're like, but you got to fly here. I'm not. I think that's a good rule. That feels too like, you know, transaction-y. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if you're flying a girl here, that's, it's a slippery slope. Yeah. To like. But. And like, it hasn't happened often. It's definitely happened with some girls. Unless you're talking and you like each other. Yeah. Unless. Me paying for your flight, which I don't like. I'm saying in the beginning.

See, Paige plays for her own shit. Paige is a boss bitch, but I'm saying me flying you down here isn't being a hunker. Wouldn't have been weird, no. Yeah, but if you had never met them in person. And you bought my flight. And you paid to fly them here. Well, right, because then there's stipulations that are kind of like, oh, he bought my flight. Well, this is funny, Paige. One time we talked about...

a girl did come to see Austin and I was like, and he's like, so I grabbed her suitcase and walked it upstairs. And I was like, did you take it into your room or the guest room? And where'd you take it?

I mean, straight up. I love it. But I think you see... Did you tell it? Did you say you'd change it now or no? No, no, no. Well, so I brought it in there and I made a joke about the whole thing, of course. I was just like, feel free to move this wherever you want to, but it's going right here, right now. Now let's go to lunch or something. Yeah, that's fine. I was like, let's go get a drink. The first time I ever came here, I immediately brought my stuff in the guest room, but not because... But we had already like...

No, we hadn't. Oh, we hadn't. No. Oh, and then, yeah, so then you put it in the guest room. See, I told Austin, if you hadn't hooked up yet, you put it in another room and just let her come over, you know. But mine was not, mine wasn't. That's definitely the move, Craig. Yeah. You're right. And that is the move because then you're putting the pressure. Then you're still going to play hard to get and she's like, oh, wow, okay. Like, the move is just take it in the other room.

Now, if you live in New York City and you have an apartment, do you put it on like the other side of the kitchen? You put it in the kitchen. Here's your stuff. Mine wasn't based on like, like sexual though, because I knew that we were going to hook up. I mean, that was like, you had determined. Yeah. I had already decided that before I got on the plane. Yeah. Yeah. Well, okay. It was more like for outfits and I need room to get ready. Yeah.

That's amazing. I don't want to be. Well, you do have your own bathroom here now. Yeah. That is fully my bathroom. I also, I thought she only had a few things I can encounter. And the other day for some reason, I like open the drawers to like put something in. They're all, they're all full. Yeah. They're all full. Full up. Which honestly, it made me happy because I was like, okay, well, this is a lot of stuff to leave here. If she plans on like never coming back. No, that's a, this is a double set. If I never come back, I don't care about this stuff. Yeah.

So get the squirrels under control. Oh, what does this button do, Nick? Does this mean we can't hear her anymore? Paige thinks she's on our podcast. She's not really. Yeah, thanks so much. Paige doesn't care if her stuff is left behind. What would you care? Is there a piece of clothing or like boots?

Or a bag, obviously, that if you had left it somewhere, you'd be like, I can't. Craig just wants to know. No, there's probably one thing and it's actually two. It's a ring from my grandma and a ring from my mom. And if I left it anywhere, I would have to get it back. It would be hard for me to wear that out of the house.

You want to wear what I'm leaving? No, like things that like, look, I'm. What are we, Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal? I'll tell you this. You're going to wear my scarf? This is my thought about engagement rings. They should be put in a safe. You should have a copy of it made that looks identical in like cubic zirconium. Okay. And wear that. Because I've lost so many sentimental, valuable things. I know. Like in my life. You lose everything, Craig. I know. I do lose everything. Well, good thing you don't ever have to wear an engagement ring. I know. But what if I lose my wedding ring?

Well, you don't take it off, Craig. Yeah, you don't take it off. So like, what if I do lose my writing ring? Well, it'll be a very suspicious evening we'll have. I see. I would be down to do the tattoo thing. I would tattoo it because I lose so many fucking things. That's supposed to be bad luck, though.

Okay. I need some answer that I don't have to be responsible for something. You just won't get it. What about the rubber one? Yeah, you can wear whatever you want. The rubber one is for when you go diving. When are you ever diving? Yeah, because then your finger will swell and it's dangerous. That's actually a good question. Would you both... Because there are some guys that are like, I don't want to wear a wedding ring.

No, I think I'm going to wear one. I actually think that when that time comes, I'm going to be like stoked. I'm gonna be like, you know, tap it. I'm going to be like, you know, opening beers. Also a corkscrew because they pop, they pop like bottles with it and they pop like a beer bottles. But I will say that it's kind of douchey, but like, you know, when that time comes, I lean into, I will say that.

in the last long-term relationship I was in, well, the only other one in my life really, after a year of,

I wanted to wear something because I felt so bad. God, this sounds so conceited, but like we were on a snowboard trip and this girl came up to me and she was beautiful and she was like, I never do this, but like my friend knows that I like have a crush on you. And she, she, uh, she encouraged me to come say hi. And I was like, I have a girlfriend and she's like, Oh, you don't have to be like rude about it. And I was like, yeah,

Bullshit. She's a blonde girl. Yeah, obviously. What I'm saying is she didn't believe that I had a girlfriend and thought I was an asshole. I think wearing something on my finger would be a relief to me.

See, now I just dug myself a hole. Oh, because so many girls are just coming up to you. I think that this is why. This is funny. I think this is why we ended up going back to Aspen because Craig was like the best. No, that was in Park City. That was Park City. Park City was when the girl came up to me. But Aspen was my best trip I've ever taken in my life. Why? For college. Tell the class. Come on.

Because I was a husband and I was staying at the Ritz and I was 21. I did hook up with someone there. What was his name? I'm sure she was lovely. She was actually brunette. It was an FSU cheerleader. Good for you. An FSU cheerleader. Yeah. Wow. You overachieving motherfucker. So back to the Rangers. Yes. Yes. What's funny is I don't ever get jealous. I get real jealous of Paige. Or...

Not in a cute way. True story. Because of the life we live. Craig can't watch a TV show anymore because I dated him. I won't watch somewhere else.

Oh, I wasn't talking about reality TV. I was talking about like, Oh yeah. She dated someone on my fucking favorite shows. Damn dude. And I was like, wait, what? Why did you tell me that? I just, I just heard about something recently too, that like would blow both of your minds. Like, like the top of the top of the top of the top. And I was like, fuck.

What does that mean? On our end, it's still going. No, it's funny because now... And it's like, how do you not want... Like, this person is like creme de la creme, and you're like, no, no, no. So I will say that in our case, I had like...

There was a period, especially because we weren't... Will you tell me on a commercial break? I don't... Well, there's two people. I don't want Craig. Yeah, exactly. There's two people. You can... I'll write them. Whatever. You can do whatever. Yeah. But listen, there was a period because you and I did not put a label on things for so long that when we did, it was still like...

Not for so long. Un-easy. Well, like, yeah, a couple months. But I was a little anxious about stuff. And so, like, I would be able to watch those shows again now.

Maybe. I don't know. I still don't like seeing him on the commercial. I'm like, get off my screen. He was really nice. Shut up. He did the same fucking thing to you and the other girl that I saw. He did absolutely ghost me. I found out on a podcast. Absolutely ghosted me. Really? Yeah. How long did you like him? Oh, here we go. I did like him.

Whatever. What do you mean? No, Craig. I don't like it. What if she said yes, Craig? What would you do? Would you just like melt into a horse? I don't like anything. On the keypad would be pushed right now. Oh, God. This is amazing. She's like, yes, Craig. It's funny the world that we live in because I've never dealt with that.

I've never had the girl be like, oh yeah, have you ever seen this show, blah, blah, blah? And I was like, yeah, I love that show. That's not how it came up in conversation. I would never just say, oh, and by the way, have you ever seen? No, no, no. I heard it on a podcast and I was like, tell me who it is. So the end of my story or my statement was, so there was a period like that. But I think somehow if you talk it like that,

I think we talk so much about shit. I think I'm too honest sometimes and you've told me that. You're like, Craig, I don't fucking need to know everything. Yeah, I don't, yeah. Okay, so question. But it's helped with like we... Okay, so question. Are you guys both believers of the like...

you know, like if, if you don't want to know the answer, then don't ask. Like, but like if Craig asks you, will you be like, okay, well yeah, you're like, I did do this. And then if he's like, God damn it. And then you're like, okay, if you don't want to know, they don't ask. Yeah. It's my fault for asking. Okay. Yeah. If she lied, it would, that would ruin like everything. Cause then you'd be like, well, why didn't you just fucking tell me? Yeah. I mean, guys, I also think,

We're in our 30s, Craig. We've done and seen and dated some people. So it's like, don't ask. I also think anything before... Where's the most adventurous place you've had sex? You don't want to know the answer to that. You don't want to know the answer.

See, that wouldn't bother me if I didn't have to link it to a person. See, I don't like to say I did it myself, which I probably did myself. Where is it? Right. Where are my buttons? But to that question. OK, Craig. And I think anything before you were official is.

Even if you do ask and you get like a little annoyed by the answer, you can't actually be annoyed. No, but like we just did this, Austin. That's like the mature thing. And I'm realizing this. With...

being like, I know I have to deal with whatever you tell me, but then. Oh my God. It's not like. No, it wasn't. I'm saying like, then she's like, okay, then I'll tell you the honest answer. And then when she did though, for me, I was just like, all right, cool. I don't have to worry about blind sides. I think that would be the. Yeah. So then I'm like cool and collected and don't care anymore. Cause I'm pretty sure you like me.

Are you talking about like in your past? I mean, we talk about. This is what I'm saying. We would never get mad about it because we're like, oh, tell me about it. Understands exactly what I'm saying. Right. And it's like, I think that if you date someone who's. Thank you, Craig. Was that me? I think so. It wasn't me. It wasn't me. It just crept up. So you both looked at me and I was like, what? What did I do? Well, because these microphones are badass and they pick up everything. So.

I think that it takes, you know, two mature people. Right. But a mature thing is like you, like if you ask a question to page page, it's like, okay, well you asked and then like, you got to deal with what I like. Okay. If you don't want to know who, like what the biggest dick is that I've had, then don't ask me. You know what I mean? It's like, don't ask. Like, don't ask. Oh Jesus. I like those talks. Yeah.

Yeah, I know. Okay, good. Good, see? But yes, if you... But as a girlfriend, I don't really ever ask him anything. It's more him being like...

hey, I just like, I got to get this out. I got to tell you about this one time because like she might walk into the bar and like it might, and I just, I can't have it inside. And I'm like, I don't need to know about the girl you slept with in college that might walk into this bar. I don't give a fuck. Does Craig give you details? Cause he doesn't give me any details. And it's bothersome. I'm kidding. I just can't not tell Paige anything. Yeah. Which,

I think compared to the alternative is good. Absolutely. I will say like you being like, I want to wear a fake wedding ring or like something like that. Craig is probably one of my first boyfriends that I've,

fully trust it. Like I've never, like you two going out together, I've never once been like, oh, Craig's going to bring a girl home. Like it just doesn't cross my mind. It's more, are you two going to get arrested? Are you two going to die somewhere? And like, you want to know why we would get arrested? It's because we would fight each other in the box. No, that's what it is. And you don't even worry about us fighting, getting in a fight with other people. Not civilians. It's we would do each other. Yeah.

You would 100% wrestle in the middle of the bar. I've seen it. It's happened multiple times, Austin. Yeah, it just happened recently. It did. And my neck hurts. And in Charlotte, after the Panthers game.

I don't remember. At the bar that we just went to? Oh, yeah, definitely. They shut the doors and were like, no one else is coming in because these two are throwing barstools at each other. Oh, yeah, at each other. You and I, actually, I don't think if we've ever gotten in a fight with other people. No. Well, yeah, guys, you're in your 30s. You shouldn't be getting in fights with other people. Other people...

One time, Austin, it goes back and forth. Like there's middle ground. There's some that I win and there's some that Austin wins. But the one in Aspen years ago, Austin threw me across the room. Like you guys full wrestle? No, no, no. Like we have full wrestled. We've never thrown a punch. I don't think. Never thrown a punch. Yeah.

I was in Aspen and yeah, I bodied Craig. So it was like our very first fight. He came walking. We were all having fun. He took a phone call outside, came walking in and was like completely changed. And I, of course, like said something like...

I would. Smartass. This is crazy, but I would love to watch one. Well, you're going to get to. Because I would love. Because I feel like you guys are a fair fight. Like you are very tall and big, but so are you. But you're scrappy and crazy. Craig was going to wrestle, which I just found out recently. Oh, yeah. Craig took a black belt. It hurt. And it hurt. I don't want to hurt you.

I know. And like when Craig got in this moment, the only language that he understood was tap out. And like, I knew that. And I was like, Craig is a psychopath where he only understands tap. But at this point it wasn't like, Craig, stop, Craig, stop. He was like, I don't know what that means. Not until you say the code word. And I was like, and then he immediately fucking like, oh, and I was like, how did I know that Craig watches too many like Navy SEAL shows? So he only was going to let go if I tapped out.

But Austin. There was one night where all he was yelling at me was Navy SEAL jargon. I was like, I don't know what you're saying. Okay, give me an example of what Craig was yelling. Like, what's in the bedroom? I would love that. No, it's in the literal. I feel like I would love that too. What is your name, civilian? What is your mother's maiden name? What's your birthplace? Okay, we're here to take you home. You kept saying Foxtrot, bravo to me. And I was like, shut the fuck up. As Craig is climaxing. Fuck.

Zulu, hotel, x-ray, Charlie. No, we... But yeah, Austin launched me. That one scared me because I was too... I was... We've had some fun trips together and we're... The three of us actually...

Went to Aspen already together. We're about to go again. That first time though. Oh yeah. I was just, all three of us were. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like Austin and I bonded more on that trip than you and I did. Definitely. Because I fainted and I was in the kitchen and I was staring at Austin while I was fainting and yelled, Austin, I'm, I'm falling. And he ran over and then I had a seizure. Yeah.

Wait, what? Yeah. You never told me that. Yeah, we did, Craig. You want to know what you said? Well, are you okay? You didn't give a shit about me. Is she okay, Austin? Is she okay?

Is she okay? And Austin goes, I don't know. I'm not a doctor. Okay. Picture this, though. I'm... I had to stop throwing up for 24 hours. Yeah, well, why don't you, like, take a chill pill when we go to altitude? I'm going to take mercury pill. No, iron pills, not mercury pills. No. Oh, you know, Austin said that his choice of murder would be poisoning someone. And I was like, that's such a chick thing to say. Like, that's how women kill people.

What would you do? Shoot them. I would shoot them in the head. And Craig said he would shoot them. And then he was like, and I'd dump them over my balcony. I was like, that's stupid. You're getting caught. No, I said I'd leave the gun there. Do you want to know the best way to murder? And I heard this from Stassi, and I've never forgotten it. Oh, no. Okay. She said that she would freeze an ice pick and stab someone. And then it would melt. And then there'd be no murder weapon. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Well, that's like a classic. That's a classic novel. No, no, no. It's not from a novel. That's from Stassi Schroeder. And don't you forget it. It's like a limerick. No way. What's it called? You know, where it's like, you know, the Sphinx. A limerick?

Haiku. Yeah, it's haiku. Big murder weapon. Are you? I wish I would have brought my poetry book, which is what Craig is talking about. Wait, who's your favorite poet? No, stop it. Robert Frost. My Emily Dickinson. Or Shel Silverstein. But yeah, so we were. Emily Dickinson, I like that. Thank you. I was dead and there was no way I was coming to help you. So I'm glad Austin was there.

But I also didn't know that you were also going to follow my footsteps, but I screwed you on that trip because I was like, you finally have fun with us. And Austin and I had partied for two days, but Austin was sleeping like a normal person. I was going crazy. It wasn't just that. I was at, I had, I had acclimated Craig cause we were in Denver. And once again, you left me another day. It's just so strange. You know, his travel habits page drives me absolutely nuts. Um,

I get it. I, but I understand it cause I'm the same way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But like you're in bed with him, like ordering room service and y'all are having a blast while I'm like wandering the streets, like a vagrant looking for shelter and alcohol. He does really well by himself on these trips. Like we did it in Chicago. Cause he had to learn to. Cause he's fucking leaving him. I was raised in the darkness. Correct.

I at least tried to come and I came to this lunch spot he wanted to and I was like so we get to like the rooftop and I was like I'm not going up. You got all the way to the place? Yeah and then I got in a car and went back to my hotel room. I dragged him to lunch. Well we did do lunch. Big star. We ate some great tacos and then we went to a rooftop and Craig was like I'm not going up there. Craig does not do anything Craig does not want to do.

But Craig should do things he doesn't want to do for Austin. It was only because I was ill. You're always ill. You're always ill. I made both of you a promise. You've had a five-year cough, Craig. That's true. When I was in Aspen last time, I made a promise that I'll never feel like that again.

And so the ultimate test is in a couple weeks. Dude, you better bring it. The reason I identify with that is because when I get on vacation, I'm so excited that I'm there that the first night I go the hardest. Right. Well, everyone does that. That's like a bachelor bachelorette party syndrome, right? Yeah. But like when you when you got to be there for four days,

days plus like just just just ease into it. No Craig fucked me on that trip because it was hard to get to Aspen. Literally? A few times but it was a hard I don't actually even think we did because we were both so sick. No we definitely did but who knows. Anyway so he got me. Congrats on the sex. Yeah right. Cool. We made out a couple times. Alright go finish what you're saying then we're gonna go.

That's what she said. No, he was like, oh my God, it's so much fun. It's so much fun. Like, come. And it's not easy to get to Aspen. And you came two days in, right? Or one, two days in? You guys were there for, yeah, two days in. And I planned all my outfits, got, just got, randomly got on a flight. And then I stayed in bed the whole time. Yeah, well. I know that. It infuriated me. Great wedding, though. Great wedding. Because I was sitting there and I was like, okay, we're having fun here in Aspen. And Craig was like, okay, well, Paige is going to come. Are you cool?

Well, I'm just saying, finish your thought, then we're going to head into commercial. I wished I could have hung out with both of you and explored Aspen, but you guys were walking zombies. That was actually really sweet when he was saying that, but he knew I was sick. He's seen it before. Well, we have next time. All right, everyone. We'll be right back after this commercial. We love you so much from Pillows and Beer. If you've ever wanted to make your home feel safer, there's no better time than now.

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Here with Paige DeSorbo, the one and only giggler of her... I don't know who the main giggler is, but she's one of the main gigglers. She's one of two gigglers. One of two gigglers. Just like you guys. We're co-hosts. One of two gigglers.

All right. So let's all right. Good. I was just gonna say pages so fun. You're here. Thank you for having me, guys. And it's so fun, too, that this is like the new setup. And Craig and I are trying these things out for the first time. And is this making you kind of like, you know, jealous? Are you like, you're like, we need this, Hannah. You know, Giggly Squad is about to step their shit up because I can't go from this to then zooming.

Yeah. All right. Later, Craig. Okay. Well, what I want to ask you now that we're on the topic of... Now that we're alone. Yeah. Thank God. Is how'd y'all's live shows go? I mean, I only heard a little bit from Craig, but I want to hear from you. Just like go off on it. You guys...

1000% have to do a live show. I was so nervous before our first one. And Hannah is a standup comedian. So she's very used to being on stage in a much like scarier situation. Um,

But everyone is paying to come see you because they love you. It's like BravoCon, right? It's like BravoCon where everyone's like, oh, love, love, love. It's not like you're going to get heckled. We were supposed to be on for like an hour, maybe an hour and a half. Our first night, we were on for two and a half hours because I got so drunk. Correct.

I didn't want it to end. And I just went off and it was, our first show was in Philly. They sold, we sold out in like less than 24 hours. We added another show and it was just the best. I had to get an IV the next morning. Congratulations. Thank you. That's awesome. Oh yeah, that's awesome. Do you think we would love it? You would love it. It's a lot of work though. Like,

It's a lot of anxiety before. See, that's Nick's work. Yeah, Nick would do that. No, but you have to be on the stage. You have to have your set plan of what you're doing. You have to have a visual. Is it different than like, so I would relate it to like Watch What Happens or something. No. You can't just wing it. Well, because you need someone to guide it. Well, you need someone to guide it. And so like we're good at Watch What Happens because we have Andy there to be like, now we're talking about this. Now we're talking about this. Now we're talking about this. Are we good at Watch What Happens?

We get really drunk. Wait, so Paige. Well, you and I together, we're going to watch what happens. I know that much. When was it? So I was really nervous to ask you to do this. Yeah, why? Have been for a while. To be on the podcast? Why do you think it's been so long? Like my girlfriend would be a great guest. Why would you be nervous to ask me? Because we have great, because I just wasn't. Oh my God. I'm going to lose my words. Craig's nervous. Are you going to propose? Because I didn't. Uh oh.

But I wasn't sure when it was appropriate to cross swords. Like cross those boundaries of being like, you know, like I'd never say the sword. Is this a step for us? I think it's awesome that I knew a while ago that you would be like, of course I'll, like I just didn't want to feel like I was using you.

Oh, my God. Isn't that crazy, though? Because I'd be like, I wanted it to be exactly how it is now, where it's just like, yeah, I'm in the house. But I didn't want it to be like using. Oh, yeah. Great. One of the greatest things cut out of Winterhouse was. Do you want to tell the story? When we first got to Winterhouse, Sierra and I did not really know Craig and Austin. And to be honest, our first impressions were.

We were like, fuck these guys. And then about four hours in, we were like, actually, they're hilarious. And they're over six foot and they're really good looking. We will drive with them to every scene. But Sierra and I would wake up in the morning and we would know that they were up because all we would hear is Austin say, fuck you.

Fuck you, Craig. We were directly below each other, just yelling at each other. No, no, no, it wasn't yelling though, was it? No, it wasn't yelling. It was just like me being honest, being like, fuck you, Craig. And so then Sierra and I would be getting ready in our bathroom, not talking to each other. And randomly, one of us would just be like, fuck you, Craig. And it just caught on. And the whole house was just saying it at times of frustration. Had nothing to do with Craig.

Oh, bullshit. Fuck you, Craig. I hit the wrong button. Fuck you, Craig. That's how I feel about it. It is really funny. And like, actually, I didn't know that it was because you had heard me always saying it to him. I just thought that we were always just so frustrated with Craig. Not hated Craig. Like it very obviously was like, it became like a term of like endearment, right? It became a term of endearment.

It bonded us, honestly. And I didn't know that it was from them hearing me always telling me, fuck you, Greg. Great. But would you have ever thought that? Well, I guess you wouldn't know. But in the beginning, like if I was like, oh, do you want to come on our podcast? Would you be like, we don't even know who we like, what we are yet or no bullshit, man. Remember, remember our lives? And she was doing live. Yeah. And that's when I was like, oh, nevermind. You must not be the girl that I thought I loved.

And do you know that Hannah and I were on our live and we would always talk about you guys like, oh, they're on live too. Like whatever. And then Hannah was like, go on. And I had a boyfriend at the time and my face got so red. I was like, I'm not going on to the point where like the gigglers would be like typing and being like, just go, just do it. But they didn't know I had a crush on Craig. See, the funny thing was too, was that I feel like I had to maybe like run that podcast

portion, like an ask you question because Craig was also over there, a smitten kitten. And so I was like, you know, and then Craig was getting mad at you for random things. Like, like Paige was like, I live at home. So I'm not really drinking much during the quarantine. Sorry. During quarantine. Yes. And Craig was like, what the fuck?

fuck, what a loser. He gets so mad. She's not shrinking. As like we drank like six. You're like, Paige, you're better than this. Yeah. As we drank like. You're disappointing me as my future girlfriend. Like, what the fuck are you doing? And then, and then.

And just like you're saying for your lives, it's like basically what Craig and I did on our, sorry, on, on your, um, on your live tour. Oh yeah. Uh oh. Craig, what are you doing? Oh, did I hit the wrong one? Yeah. You just turned our mics off. I didn't mean to. You're not Casey Kasem. Like chill out. No, I was saying there was something else happened. I was going to say like, did you want to say it? But I was like,

So it was just funny. I don't know how to work this well enough yet to just be like, yeah. So it's like, it sounds like your live show with Hannah turned into what our lives, which obviously we're behind the comfort of like, you know, a computer screen.

It's like what it sounds like, right? Where it's like we would go off and just start drinking and be like, we were supposed to be on here for one hour, but three hours later, Craig and I are. We loved it. We loved it. No, it's not like that because people are paying money to sit in a seat. So they're coming essentially to a comedy show. So you have to have a full outline and not like an outline you would have for a podcast because some things might flop.

When you're there live and people aren't laughing and you have to quickly move to the next thing or people have a reaction to something that you didn't even think they were going to really like that much. So you have to kind of banter more about that. It's a lot more stressful than doing a podcast or doing an Instagram live. It's like a full curated show. Did you find yourself leaning on Hannah a little bit because she was so used to being in front of big crowds? Hannah is definitely...

like I would say our host of our podcast because she had a podcast before she does stand up she's

great in that environment to be like okay and next or like let's bring up a guest like she really is great and then I get drunk and say stupid things and she doesn't really drink that much yeah but it sounds like everyone had an awesome time it was great where are your next few we have Seattle LA San Francisco and then we're gonna come back to the East how do you buy tickets for that

Um on giggly squad instagram the link in our bio, is it open for purchase now? They are all open for purchase Seattle, that's fun a west coast tour. Yeah What were you gonna say? Awesome. Sorry. Um, I don't remember. Oh, um Um, I mean just out of total curiosity like so so you said that that the first show in philly sold out in 24 hours What what what was sellout for that? And i'm just curious like what? uh

How many people? Yeah. That was, I want to say 400. Oh, that's cool, man. That's so cool. Maybe three, but the West Coast is way bigger. We haven't sold those out. Those hold like a thousand people and we're at like 600. That's still cool though. Yeah. I think Austin and I, even when we were watching like Winterhouse Live, we love the video interaction and like the interaction with the people. Structure would be tough for us, but we're working on it now. Yeah.

We'll be excited to do that. Even on here, we're like, Nick writes us an outline every week. We haven't done one. Well, what the live show to you have like a screen behind you. We played a PowerPoint. It was like we followed that and we followed the structure of our podcast. Usually a PowerPoint where it was like, here are five ways to decipher if your man is a fuck boy. No, shut up. One of our segments is called, is he trash or not? And,

And we bring up a boyfriend or a fiance or a husband from the audience on stage. So, okay. Oh, so you bring up the guy of, oh my God, poor son of a bitch. You don't want to be here. You're here because you love this girl. So we bring them up. We ask them questions. Maybe he thinks they all are funny as shit. Maybe not. Okay. You're right. That's a damn risk. So we just, we bring them up. I would run out of the building. I'm out of here. Well, one easy one was she was like, do you have a bed frame?

And they're like, no. And they're like, he's trash. Yeah, well, that's true. Definitely. I'm sorry. But you said, you know, I had a roommate and shout out to you, Pete, but in college. Yeah. And whatever. It's his fault for not having sheets on his bed. He didn't have sheets on his mattress. For how long? Or a bed frame, dude. I didn't have a bed frame in college. He just had like a blanket. I had a stop sign up of my bed for like my whole junior year.

I had it. Oh, here's my... It's a miracle. Here's my... I don't know if it's a... You can categorize this move. And, bitch, I stole the stop sign from the end of our cul-de-sac. Was there an accident? How freaking crazy are we? I didn't think you got the stop sign legally. You're a bunch of wild and crazy guys. I didn't go to some neighborhood and steal it. It was literally at the end of my car. I had my snowboard and my surfboard hanging from my ceiling. Yeah, you would...

my God. I remember one of my buddies being like, when's the last time you used that stuff before? And I was like, fuck off. But I bet so many, I bet it was a conversation starter. Girls came in. I mean, girls thought it was cool. Yeah. Yeah. But then the snowboard fell one time and hit one of my friends in the head and

Friends in the head. Oh, it was Patrick Valkenberg. Yeah, that's what I thought. It was my big farmer boyfriend. That was in Craig's Explore to Face. Yes. And he had one of his buddies in the head. Yes. Well, here, let's turn our focus towards Christmas, guys. I saw you decorated last night a little bit. Did you see the Christmas lights when you were coming out? I know. Okay, first off, Paige, thank you for DMing me. You're welcome. Because Paige responded to my story and was like, this is so cute. I like when a single man...

tradition on his own and getting a Christmas tree is I think very adult. I've never gotten one on my own. Yeah. So, so last year it started because yeah, I, I was in a house and, and

I was like, I just need a damn Christmas tree. I love Christmas so much. And this year I didn't do it until, I mean, what the 13th, which is almost a little, well, we are filming right now, which exactly it doesn't feel like Christmas when we're filming. Cause we're, and that's what happened. And so Craig, a lot of places in Charleston are sold out of trees. So I texted my buddy chase and he told me where to go. And,

And I went in central park. No, I got a nine and a half footer. Oh my God. And I saw that on your Instagram. I had a bunch of ornaments from last year. Kind of like to make my own collection, right? Like, like a slice of pizza and like a six pack of beer, a football helmet. When I saw it, I said, I'm going to get him a pickle.

I actually have one. Oh, shoot. Okay, actually good to know. That's really sweet. How do you have a pickle ornament? Because, here, I'll let Paige tell you why a pickle ornament is important on a tree. It's a tradition that if like you find, whoever finds the pickle ornament first, they get to open a present? Yes. I've never heard of that. I love that. And so some people have heard of it. I am one of the people that haven't heard of it, but my buddy bought me a pickle ornament and told me that. And I was like, oh, that's really cool. So then what you do,

I said, I think you're supposed to put it on last that your kids don't see it kind of thing. And then in the morning they look for it and whoever finds it first opens the first. Wait, Craig and I were talking about earlier cause I was saying I follow so many of my friends are married, have kids, um,

And I keep watching all their Instagram stories of Elf on a Shelf. And like the parents version of like this is so fucking annoying. And like some people forgot to change where he was the one day. Would you do Elf on a Shelf for your kids? He just said he'd love it. Yeah, I would too. And what did I say, Paige?

You're going to. I said, no, I'll never fucking do that. And she's like, OK, wait until the kid comes home. OK. And he's like crying. Where's my elf? And Paige is going to be like, Craig, so I'm a fucking elf because all the stores are sold out of stupid fucking elves. You who loves Christmas don't want to do that for our fake children. It's because it was a bullshit tradition, which I actually. Here's what's funny is I'm going to shoot myself in the foot. Christmas isn't real. Wait, I love when Craig takes a shot.

Dance? A hard dance. A ridiculous dance too. Something ridiculous. Love Santa. Always will. Love Christmas. Here's the thing.

I get it now. It's not real, Craig. No, you're going to cut that out. There's no kids listening. We're never saying that on this podcast. Anyway, I get it. But at the time, I was in a rebellious phase and I was like, Elf on a Shelf is used to control little fuckers. Little fuckers? That's what they are, Craig? Little toddlers. You're a little fucker. Okay, you got controlled as a little fucker thinking you were going to get coal.

Yes, exactly. So I was like, I'm going to rise against and be like, anarchy from Krakatoa. It's so creepy to be. First of all, my brother was terrified of the elves anyway, because his second grade teacher, the same one probably that told me my belly button was going to come untied, which is why no one on the planet Earth. You know, I tell a lot of people that story. You know, Paige has never come within inches of my belly button.

She never will. No one can touch my belly button because I'm scarred from a second grade incident with a teacher. Oh, you've never heard this story? No, I haven't. I really don't know if I want to. I was told as a second grader, if you play with your belly button, it'll become untied and you'll bleed to death. That's actually true. I'm sure it was. That's actually a fact. And so I have the sensitivity over my belly button. And one time I got hit with like a crossbow and it popped out or something. I don't know. Your belly button.

I was like, oh my God. Oh, wait. I feel like I've never even really looked at your belly button. It's a regular, like I've seen that. Yeah.

Allison and I know our nipple sizes. Yeah, Craig's got tiny nipples. Yeah, Craig is smaller. Allison, I think has big nipples. They're not big. They're nice. Average size. Mine are very small. His are like a little normal and bigger than average. Yeah. So then Christopher, his second grade teacher, told him that every night before Santa comes down your chimney, again, trying to control the kids, the elves come in first because they can slide down that chimney real quick.

Jesus, Craig. That sounded sexual. Anyway, the elves came in first to check on him. He was like, fuck that. I don't want anyone coming to my room. So then Christopher had to sleep in my room every Christmas, which was fine. So every Christmas he wouldn't sleep because he was terrified that these little fucking elves were going to come in his room. And that's why you want to rob our fictitious children of Elf on a Shelf? No, it's because, well, now I'm sure I'm going to be like, hey, stop. Actually, it's, well, obviously it's to control your kids because you can be like, hey.

Control your kids. Or it's like funny to like, you know, TP the Christmas tree and have the elf kind of sitting there with TP in his hand. Or it's Christmas magic every day. But what if you're like, hey, that elf just saw you like hit your brother or something like that. I'd absolutely say that. Yes, I know. I understand it now. I'm just saying back in the day, I didn't. Wait, wait, hold on, Paige. Wait, so explain that. What do you mean?

Maybe I'm lost. What the hell? The month of December. I feel like Elf on a Shelf is a free pass to be like, hey, the elf is watching you. Oh, right. Like, do your homework. That was why I was demotivated. Yes, yes. Okay. Love that. Okay, so I love it even more now. Yeah, me too. I don't know where my anger for it came from. Yeah. Maybe mine is either.

It's probably because... I'm going to tell you where it came from. It's because I said that I liked it, and Craig was like, I hate it. Here it is. When I was on the other end of trying to control kids, and I was the kid, I was like, fuck this shit. Oh, you? No, I could never think that about you. You don't like being controlled? Paige, will you... Side note, will you give... Without, like... And you're a pro. Without giving industry secrets, how was it, like, working with me and Austin on...

Bravo production for the first time and how we react to being told what to do. As a boyfriend and as I would classify you as a top tier friend. Lovely. Lovely to work with. As a co-worker? Fucking nightmare. Nightmare. It was... Cricket knife and scarred man, okay? Because I don't think people realize that like yes, we have fun. We're on a reality show. We're being ourselves but we're also each day and

Yeah. I don't even know if Nick can use that word, but Nick, why do you got your background blurred out today?

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Were you guys in college together? Not obviously the same college, but same years. Same fraternity. Oh, wow. Do you guys have like a secret? Yes, of course.

That's it? You didn't see what happened behind the hands. Yeah, I saw your one finger went on his arm. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you talking about, Craig? We have to kill her now. I'm not blind. Craig, you want to shoot her in the head and I want to poison her. So what do we do? She knows. My dad will fly right down here. What you didn't see was that his pinky was curled up. Yeah, which is a separate... It's also a separate... Getting his pinky can't go straight. He does that same handshake to me, too. So...

You're in trouble tonight. Thank God. I love that. All right. Hit it. Oh, fuck. Nice. I'm just going to say an old fuck one there. Hey, what's everyone's Christmas plans? Because Paige and I still. What? Oh, OK. Hold on. Let's talk about college because Austin and I. Awesome. Are you ever social chair? No, no.

Almost was for a pledge class, social chair. And then my aspirations just went out the window because I was like, let's just watch football and pay attention to school. Well, you were at a football school, which is where did you go? Alabama. Oh, wow. I only see you guys on TikTok. Do you know from like the sorority girls rushing? Yes. That was wild. OK, this is amazing. Paige, thank you. You're my audience. And so that's my algorithm.

Sorority girls on TikTok. Definitely, definitely, definitely. Oh, you were following? No, but I followed the Alabama Rush. Oh, that's on your explore page. Yeah, that was. So Alabama Rush in Alabama, obviously, is huge. So we would bring lawn chairs because what happens is that they bring all the freshmen into the stadium. They open up their envelopes and they find out which sorority has accepted them. And then when they come out,

the sophomores and junior, probably sophomores are sitting there with the letters being like, welcome, bitch, come this way. And then, and then they run to their house and,

And so we used to put up lawn chairs and watch them run and watch them run. We were like, this is unbelievable. Get like a cooler. And then every sorority house, Southern shed. And then, and then every sorority house would be like, okay, well we all knew that pie. If I had had the fried chicken every year, we were like, got to hit pie fight. And then we got to go over here for this and over here for this. And we would bounce around to all the sorority houses. All the parents were there and having in Charleston was the worst time of year for us. Yeah.

They were not allowed to talk to boys. So, like, if you were rushing a story, you could not talk to a boy. That's...

And it used to infuriate all of us because here, sure, the freshmen can talk to boys. I'm not alone. I'm out. But the rest of the girls were so tired during rush that they never wanted to fucking do anything. Like sorority rush sucks. Tired from what? Like I don't really get. Girl rush is awful and it would take a whole episode to tell you about it. But like it's way different than boys rush where boys rush are like show us you know how to party and not creep out girls. Yeah. And like Austin, did you ever ball anyone?

We collectively as a pledge class bald. He balds one as a pledge? What's that even mean? So when you blackball someone, it means to not let them into the fraternity. And basically it...

Okay. I'm going to tell you what a black ball is. So a black ball is basically if you're a pledge, if one of the brothers has like a major problem with you, then they can bring it up. Like, Hey, you know, Craig banged my girlfriend and I do not want him in my fraternity.

And if one person supposedly like, I just don't see this happening. Like really, really. But if one person really is like, no, Craig Conover is not allowed in this fraternity, then it's supposed to be like, okay. Um, you know, brother Harrison says that Craig can't be in. So he's not a,

Did that happen often? But normally it's like a majority kind of vote, right? Where if like, you know, 10 fricking brothers are like, no, this kid sucks. And he can't come in here because he's going to. How many are in, how many fraternity brothers in one class? Well, that's interesting. Cause we're Craig went to school at CSE. Craig, Craig probably had like 15. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Oh. He probably had like 10 pledge brothers, right? Because he lived in like, their fraternity house consisted of like a six bedroom like house that they just like put some like cardboard letters in the front. Like, this just got sick. But at Bama, we had a 27 room house. The downstairs was all for like show and for like alumni to come back and like to entertain. So it's almost like the deeper the south you get, the more intense it is. Well, some might say, Paige. Okay.

Cause in the north. Yeah. No, no, no. Well, not entirely. I mean, if you go to like, you know, zoo mass, then, then, then yeah, they're like, dude, we're just here to do one thing. Party. Party. But I did, if you explain like the black ball thing, that's why people actually deal with, uh, hazing.

Cause you piss me off. So this is hazing explained to everyone. You'd be like, tell everyone to fuck off. I'm not doing that. Here's the thing. Balling ceremonies are completely anonymous. And if you get one black ball on your thing, which causes huge fights in chapters, because like if the guy opens like the fucking thing and he's like, it's dark in my hemisphere, it's like, are you fucking kidding me? Who the fuck threw a black ball? And like, you can't get initiated if there's a black ball.

So that's why you have to please everyone. Unpopular opinion. Brother fight night. Sounds stupid. Yeah, but then you have call out night after initiation and you're like, come here, motherfucker. I hate you. Whitney thinks it's the most like, you know, homoerotic thing you can possibly do is to pledge a fraternity, which makes me laugh a lot. Nick, were you a fraternity? Of course, dude. No. Admit it. We were brainwashed. But Rona was different though. Like Nick said, fuck. Was your brother in a fraternity? Well,

We'll see. But he was also played soccer. Like if you played on a sports team, you pretty much were in a frat. Like we knew everybody in the frats. Like we had guys on the team that were already in fraternities. So we got into all the parties anyways. Yeah, no. Yeah. Yeah. I saw that. Oh, did you? Sick, sick man. No, I'm kidding. We all, we all liked it and commented. Yeah.

Well, Austin, you know that Paige had a different college experience. Okay. Where did you go to college? I went to school in Albany. I went to a very small college called St. Rose. She does have a sex worker voice or a sex caller voice. Oh, my God. Thank you so much. You're a caller 1,000. I mean, what's that? Yes, that's it. And your billing starts now. Did you miss this whole talk in the beginning?

I don't know. That's what I said. I would pay for Paige on the hotline to read me something. If times ever get bad, Greg, just stick me on a microphone and I'll call people. Nice. She could read me like a torts book. I'll write you this script. Is that what it's called? Torts? Sick fuck. God, y'all stop looking at each other like that. Anyway, look back at him. What were we saying? Oh, my college experience. I lived at home for college.

That's not how it started. Yeah, it did. Oh, I like apply to colleges as you do and was going to go to Manhattan college in New York city and,

And like a month before, I just freaked out. I was like, I can't. I can't do it. Like, I can't move away. I don't want to do this. Oh, my gosh. So you had like a separation anxiety. Yeah. I was young to graduate high school. I was only 17. That is super young. I was 19. I was in New York City. I was 19. Were you held back? Oh, wow. I was going to say, did you have five years of high school? Listen, motherfuckers. You guys are third grade or kindergarten? Listen. Listen.

Craig, I don't know what you just said, but two pivotal years to be held back. No, no. Oh, kindergarten. Kindergarten. Yeah, that's fine. Because my mom thought that I'd be too old for my grade. And so a summer birthday just sucked. Anyway, it's not to distract from your story page. Yeah, that's fine. So I was on the younger end. Um, and so I lived at home. I also live Albany is a very collegey town. So a lot of my friends were in college around where I lived. My boyfriend was, um,

I never lived at my college ever. I never even knew anyone at my college. What the fuck is his kid's name? Did you stay home for a boyfriend? No, I didn't stay home for him, but he was my high school boyfriend. What's funny is we've already talked through most of them, I think. Yeah. Let her speak.

I just made a funny joke. Oh my God. I was 17 to like 19 years old. I'm kidding. I was just piggybacking on the joke. But yeah, so I would go to different colleges each weekend of like where my friends lived. But Monday through Friday, I lived in my own home. It was a weird college experience. Oh, you lived in your own home. It isn't your parents. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. You know, we would, I think Austin and I would both choose to do that now. Well, I saved just so much money. I mean, Austin, do you not love just going home?

Yeah. Well, yeah, of course. College being able to, she said that she went to the school. No, but like my best friend in college, like in high school, I would go to her college every weekend and she didn't have a roommate. So her mom put sheets and bedding on her other bed and I just stayed there and people were like, I never have classes with you. I'm like, yeah, I don't go here. Yeah.

So, so my favorite part about going home, which just sounds terrible to say was when I would leave again though. And I was like, all right guys, going back for spring semester. Woo. Don't forget to put money in my account. Love you. And then just go and rage in Tuscaloosa, which is where University of Alabama is. Yeah.

And so going home was great, but like the, the like thrill of leaving for every semester after the holidays or after summer was always just like absolutely thrilling. Yeah. Well then I had right, like the month after I graduated college is when I moved to New York and then that crazy move for any young person. Yeah. So I was 20 and sister did it 22 and I partied for like,

Well, I just stopped. No, I partied for like a full year and it was just the best, the best time being in New York City. Yeah. Your early twenties is the best time ever.

I love that. That is a disappointment of mine that I always wanted to live in New York in my 20s. I think early 20s is when you do it because you don't care that you live in a shitty apartment. You don't care that you live in a four-floor walk-up. See, I lived in Charleston and I was like, this is the greatest place ever. I only regret not staying abroad. I mean, Charleston's pretty. As a college kid, Charleston is an insane place to be.

I think as a college kid, it's probably great. And I think as like a family, it's great. But...

I don't know about that. The in-between. I don't think I would. What are you talking about? Charleston? Yeah. Yeah. I think I'd rather raise my kids. Well, Craig just blew through all of it. He's been here for 15 years and he's never fucking leaving. He left Delaware. He left Delaware in the rear view mirror. I ain't fucking seeing that. He left Delaware in the rear view mirror and he never left. I love Delaware. You would never, you could never live in New York City. No. You'd go crazy. Maybe. I mean. Craig, do it. It's recording. Oh, hold on. Let me get you right.

Okay, that's me. Oh, that was a good one, right? That was good. That was really good. I didn't click that one. There's a...

Well, go ahead, Austin. I don't know. All right, everyone. That is part one to our podcast with the page. Disorbo and awesome. I love that. I can't believe you said it with a Z. What was that? Disorbo? Yeah. I don't know what it is. When we come back next week, we'll be talking about Christmas time, New Year's, everything better with our families. See you next week. Okay, just want you to say that.

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