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And just like that, we back on the air. Welcome back to yet another Carefully Reckless episode with your girl, Just Hilarious. So we're talking about matters of the heart today, right? So the name of this episode is going to be called 21 Questions. I don't really have 21 questions to ask you, but I do have questions about love that are going to raise other questions within my questions that I'm going to ask. All right.
Now, this is not at all personal to me because I know a lot of y'all have been submitting and a lot of y'all think that things that I've been talking about are always about me. I do give y'all my experiences, my own personal take on things, real life experiences from childhood all the way up to right now. But I see a lot of this personally.
these days in dating, you know what I mean? And I just want to take a little time to ask questions and make you like reflect because there is someone going through this right now. So the first question is, what do you do when you feel like you're giving your all to someone and they're not reciprocating?
What I mean by that is you can feel like you're committed to somebody. You can feel like you're in love. You're happy. You're content with your side of things. Like, you know what you want. You're certain about it. There's no ifs, ands, or buts. No doubts. You're all in with the person, right?
But they're not reciprocating that. Now, that could be for many reasons, for any reason, you know, because they're not ready or because they don't want the same things that you want or they just move slower than you. It's not always a bad thing when you're not being reciprocated, the love actions. But it's always important to know why you're not being reciprocated, if you understand what I'm saying, if that's clear.
So the first question within the question is, do you get upset? Can you even get upset if someone is not reciprocating? Like I said, it could be a few reasons. Now, I know even in my own personal relationship,
My boyfriend hasn't been in a relationship. He was single for 11 years before he and I made it official, got together, said this is what we're going to do. So he's a bit slower with things. No, he's not as affectionate as I am, but I am very affectionate. Like I'm sometimes overly affectionate.
He's not that way. We're not going to get into astrology too heavy and all of that, but he is a Leo. And I don't know a lot of Leos, but the three that I do know are the same exact way. And they're not all men. They are women. So we could go the astrology way or we could just simply chalk it up to his experience in dating. If you're a bachelor for 11 years, you can't just jump back into shit, get into the swing of things and move as quickly as possible.
The other person, if all the other person has been doing for the last 11 years is dating. Yep. I've been dating for the past 11 years. I haven't been a bachelorette for more than two years. Seriously, my whole fucking life. I live to date. I love love. I love something about having someone you can call your own. I love that. And I've even made mistakes and just picking people because I wanted that so bad.
But that was the past and this is now. So I'll use myself for an example. Do I get upset because he's not as lovey-dovey, touchy-feely as I am? Or am I somewhat holding him to a standard that doesn't need to be put on him?
Because you can't expect everyone to do things like you would do them. That's a real gem. That's not even only in relationships. That's in friendships as well. That's for family members. That's at work. That's for coworkers. That's for, you know, just your children, just whatever. In everyday life, you cannot expect someone to think like you would think. You cannot expect for them to react like you would react. You can't expect for someone to do what you would do in certain circumstances.
And so I'll tell you, yes, I used to get upset. I've been with my boyfriend now for 10 months.
April 14th, which is my son's birthday, which is tomorrow. Y'all better wish him happy birthday. We'll make it 10 months for me and my boyfriend. Now in the beginning, yes, I was just so used to guys being clingy to me and then me being clingy back and then me getting tired of them. And then it's over in a few months. Boom. That's what I got used to. But because I got so used to it, I automatically assumed that he would be that way. I automatically wanted him to be that way. And
He actually taught me what it's like to miss someone. He taught me what it feels like to miss someone. So I actually learned from this gentleman as well as he is learning from me because it's give and take. But yes, I used to get upset. And so he explained communication is key in my relationship, which is something he's also had a hand in teaching me. And he's an older guy too. So, you know, but communicating, babe, this is why I'm not this touchy feely. This is why
I don't have experience in certain areas because I haven't dated, but I'm open to it. Just meet me halfway. It's going to get better. Just time, just time, just time. And as a woman, you get tired of hearing that shit sometimes, but you really have to step outside of yourself and don't be so selfish and try selflessness sometimes and put yourself in someone else's shoes and try another way. It may work. I had to really step outside of myself and say,
Well, all of your relationships have failed because of this one thing you keep doing. You just keep getting tired of people and you get tired of them because you want them around you 24 seven and there's no room to grow. There's no room to miss you. You leave nothing for conversation. You leave nothing for your partner to be curious about.
Curious means, what did you do today? Damn, I ain't talked to you all day. Where you been, girl? It leaves space for us flirting and dates. When we go on dates, it's fresh. It feels good. I actually miss you and don't just say it because it's something to say. I actually can say it and mean it.
That brings me to my next question. If you tell your significant other, girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever, that you miss them and they don't say it back. Damn. Is that considered rude or mean? Will that start a beef? Like, is that like a deal breaker? Will you then have an attitude for a few hours or a few days? You know how us women can be when we don't get our way. What does that do for you? What does that mean for you? I'm
I'm going to go off of personal experience again with my boyfriend. I may tell him, I miss you. He'll smile and he'll be like, oh, I love that. Or, oh my God, thank you for missing me. It feels good to be missed. I enjoy that you miss me. I enjoy that you want to be around me, that you miss my company. Instead of saying, I miss you too. Now he will say it.
He will say it is not like he never says it. And sometimes he'll even say, I miss you first. But he has taught me like just because somebody says something does not mean you have to say it back. Like I said before, I wasn't grasping any of this shit because I'm so used to what I'm used to. I'm used to being told what I want to be told. I'm used to hearing what I want to be told instead of someone really meaning it.
As a woman, you can miss your boyfriend. You just was with him two hours ago. But for a man, it's different. Now, some men will say it just because it's said to them.
I really don't want that now that I think about it. I don't want you to lie. I don't want you to tell me things just because I want to hear them. Because it means more when he actually says it to me now. It means more. And just because your man or your woman doesn't tell you that they miss you does not mean that they don't want to see you. But missing someone, that's different. It's a feeling. You want to be around this person. You reminisce and you, you know, missing someone is a feeling. And so I wouldn't want anyone to lie about missing me. So that's also something to think about.
And then also you have to allow people to feel certain ways on their own. You can't really force them into feeling the way you feel. If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back. Here's a little secret. Most smartphone deals aren't that exciting. To be honest, they're barely worth mentioning. But then there's AT&T and their best deals.
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If you tell someone I love you and they don't say it back because they're not ready yet or they don't feel that same way, are you upset? Is that a deal breaker? Do you leave them for that? Do you? Now, I know that it could crush a girl's heart for her to tell a man I love you and he doesn't say it back.
It depends. Is that the goal for you guys? Does he plan on loving you? He just hasn't gotten there yet. Is that a deal breaker for you? And in most instances, some women would say yes.
But you have to really think about it. Why? Why is it over because I didn't tell you I love you back? Does that make me like you any less? Does it make me treat you any differently because I don't love you yet? I'm working toward that. That's what I want. If the conversation is that ain't what the guy is looking for, that ain't what the girl is looking for.
Then that's something else. Then that's a deal breaker. Then it becomes a thing of, okay, you have to plan to treat this person accordingly. You have to plan to move on with your life because everybody's not looking for love. Everybody's not looking to be in love. Everybody's not looking to date, to marry.
to be with one person for the rest of their lives. That's very rare these days. However, it's still out here. But again, you have to allow people to feel certain ways on their own. Now, you can't change a person, but you can help mold and evolve a person. Yes, you can. You can influence a person enough for them to evolve, for them to want to change, for them to want to do better for themselves in any areas they feel they lack.
But no, I do not think it's always bad when you tell someone you love them and they don't say it back. And then also don't get angry if you love a person and they don't love you back yet. Don't get so angry that you don't want to say it anymore because you never know. You never know.
When it's going to be said, don't treat a person differently because they're not treating you the same exact way you want to be treated, but not treating you badly. Just not saying and doing the things that you do. They're just not the same way as you yet. Next question. If you feel that someone is not moving at your pace or the same pace as you, are you obligated to wait for them to move at the pace that you're moving if you love them?
Do you feel obligated? Now, in certain instances, yes. Certain instances, no. Because you will be able to tell if a man or a woman is not ready to move forward, is not ready to take it to the next level, you will be able to tell.
If you are not as plum dumb as they come, you will notice. You will pick up on certain actions, certain patterns, things people say, their disposition, their demeanor, the words they use, the attitude, personality, all types of things. A person's hand movements, the way they maneuver, all types of shit you'll be able to pick up. But sometimes...
Sometimes your pace may be faster. Sometimes your pace may be slower. It's all about communication. Now you have to be able to sit down and tell your significant other how you're feeling about all this shit. So feelings don't get lost in a mix and the agenda isn't misconstrued because it's very easy to make a woman feel wanted, but it's much easier to make her feel unwanted. And trust me, I'm a woman and I know. So there are ways that you can make someone feel loved
or feel like you're not going anywhere, reassuring them just because I'm not moving as fast as you are or I don't want to move as fast as you are does not mean we're not going to get there. It may be something in your significant other's past that's holding them back. That's why communication is the best. Some couples need therapy and some couples are scared to get it. But that doesn't negate the fact that you do need it if you've been damaged in the past because that will stop you from going forward. It'll hold you back in ways that you don't even realize.
Speaking from personal experience, me and my boyfriend's fifth month of dating, I felt as if we were stagnant. We weren't going anywhere when I really wasn't really even paying attention. Now, in the beginning, he wasn't affectionate at all. It took my boyfriend three weeks to kiss me on my lips. Like, seriously, three weeks. He took me out on dates. We went everywhere. It was amazing. We partied together, everything. And we had had sex. I peer pressured this man into sleeping with me.
And I still ain't get a kiss. I wasn't worried about no damn kiss. I wanted some dick. Oh, yeah. But again, everybody's not going to move as fast as you are going to move.
Now, a kiss is more intimate than just sex. So I guess that was something that he really had to wait for to see if it was right. Now, a lot of people can make jokes like, man, is that nigga gay? I would love to kiss your lips. And I'm sure that he wanted to kiss them as well. The way he looked at me, the way that he touched me, touched on my body or whatever, whatever. You know what I'm saying? The way he's staring at me, looking at my eyes when we have conversations.
His ways of intimacy were different. I was never accustomed to that way. So I didn't know. He's more of a mental intimate person. He's more of a, let me fuck your mind. Let me get into your mind. Let me make you love me without me even touching you. Let me make you want to fuck me without even me pulling my pants down. Shit like that. So he's a very sensual person. Very logical as well. Sometimes too goddamn logical. But that's my man and I'm going to stick beside him.
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So yes, if you love a person and you see that they are still consistent, they're solid and they're not going anywhere. They're just not moving as fast as you are.
Then I do think that you are well within your right to leave, move on. But I think that you should wait for them. You should. Because you never know when that day will come. And don't think about it being so far away. Just keep doing what you're doing. And then there's a plot twist. There's a flip side to it. I am about to be waiting forever for nobody to love me.
Well, how long do you consider forever? Because these millennials and these younger generations, to them, time ain't shit. Everything is so fast. That's why a lot of relationships don't last. But timing is everything and you don't rush love.
Last question. What if your significant other never been in love before, so they don't know how it works or how it goes? Do you stick it out to help teach them, or do you just move on because you ain't got time for that? Now listen, if a person never swam before, they're not going to know how to do it. It's going to take some time. If a person never rode a bike before, it might take time. Now some people are quicker learners than others, but everybody learns at their own pace.
If you've never flew a plane before, that's going to take a lot of time. There are so many levels of love and levels that I haven't even reached yet. I'm 30 years old. I'm coming out of my 20s where a lot of my love was still puppy love. I don't care. You don't only have to be a teenager to know puppy love.
I thought a lot of relationships that I was in was love. Turns out it wasn't. And I know now because I grow with every year of my life, I grow. I'm learning myself and I know more about myself than I did this year, last year. You know what I mean? So I grow with experience. Every person I've dated, I've learned something from.
You know, whether it was taught to me voluntarily or involuntarily, whether it was something I learned about myself or I learned about something that I didn't want to deal with in a man. It's all a learning curve. You have to be willing to put yourself first, but you also have to be willing to teach someone if you really feel like it's worth it. If you really feel like you love them, if you really feel like it's going somewhere just because they are not in love with you yet does not mean that they won't be, or they might be and not even fucking know. I
A lot of men are scared to admit that they love someone. A lot of men are scared to admit to even being in love. You know, it's a scary feeling for a man, even scarier feeling for a woman. But we know how to show it more. We know how to adapt to it quicker. We know how to maneuver around this word called love. And we know how to, we know how to love. That's just the thing. We know how to be in love. Now we go a little crazy when we feel like we're being played with. Our love is being tampered with, which is our heart. But for
For the most part, we got it. And so those are all the questions that I wanted to really touch on today because someone can learn from this. I know someone has some of the same questions about love. I know there is a woman or women or men or a man out there who feel like they on their last goddamn string with this person. Now, to your own discretion, leave. But if it's worth it and you are just used to something else,
Have a little bit more patience. You have to have patience and you have to be able to know if the person has good intentions. Know if the person is solid. Know if the person is going to get there. No, you ain't Cleo. You don't know the future all the time, but you will be able to see depending on how a person treats you. You know how you don't want to be treated. You know how you want to be treated. If you're treated fairly and you know someone fucks with you and you got a person, you're
and you, you know, everybody got problems and shit, don't just leave that shit because this ain't going right. That ain't going right. This ain't going right. If the good outweighs the bad, stay your ass where the fuck you at because it ain't nothing out here as y'all can see. And just like that, we've come to the end of yet another Carefully Reckless episode with your girl, Just Hilarious. Make sure you tune into Reckless Discussions tonight. You got 12 hours to subscribe and catch up on all
Peace.
Carefully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I think I killed GT.
She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze Coronaldi. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop.
I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Gear up for outdoor adventures with the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder. This midsize SUV is designed for epic journeys. Offering spacious seating for eight, available panoramic moonroof,
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