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But You Say She's Just A Friend

2024/4/3
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Carefully Reckless

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Jess Hilarious
听众
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听众:讲述了与结婚四年的丈夫关系出现问题,丈夫性格大变,变得迟钝,不再像以前一样笑容满面。她感到丈夫对这段关系感到厌倦,并寻求建议如何重燃爱情,让丈夫开心。 Jess Hilarious:指出听众的描述过于简略,缺乏关键信息。她强调要找到问题的根源,不能只关注表面现象。建议听众深入了解丈夫的情绪变化原因,例如:性生活是否和谐,丈夫是否在工作或家庭方面遇到问题等。她以自身与朋友多年的友谊为例,说明真正的朋友能够察觉到对方细微的情绪变化,并深入了解背后的原因。她认为听众应该与丈夫坦诚沟通,了解他内心的想法,而不是试图用一些方法取悦他。她建议听众尝试以朋友的身份与丈夫沟通,创造一个安全的环境,让丈夫能够坦诚地表达自己的感受。

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Jess Hilarious offers advice on how to address a husband's apparent loss of interest in a marriage, suggesting open communication and understanding the root of the problem.

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She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronalde. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate.

The power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Black Tech Green Money isn't just about telling the stories of successful black entrepreneurs. It's also about giving actionable and wealth-building strategies that help you protect the future of our communities.

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Welcome to Can't Believe Reckless, a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. ♪♪

And just like that, we're back on the air. Welcome back to yet another Cafferly Reckless episode with your girl, Jess Hilarious. What I be doing? I be fixing mess. I want to also say if you have not gotten your tickets for the second annual Black Effect Podcast Festival, get your tickets from Eventbrite right now. I think the VIP is sold out and it's not too late to pitch your podcast, y'all. It's going to be me live on that stage fixing people's mess. And look, how I plan to do it...

I literally am going to pick people from the audience dead on the spot. I don't have anything pre-planned or anything like that because I feel like that's when I thrive best, when I fix people's mess on the spot. That's how I do it on Breakfast Club. That's how I do it when I'm picking these stories. I don't even read through all of the story, as you can see, because in the past episodes, I got frustrated reading that shit. Maybe I should pre-read or, you know,

Pre-pick for the episodes because I be irritated as shit when y'all can't spell. But that's the gamble I'm taking. But just because you can't spell don't mean I can't fix your mess. All right. So I want to let y'all know y'all can still send voice memos whenever y'all would like. But if y'all don't, I do understand. But please, if I mess up your story, it's because you wrote it wrong. All right. Now, speaking of voice memos, we don't have any. So people are still writing me stuff. So I'm just going to jump straight into it.

Hi, Jess. My husband and I have been married for four years. I know my husband like the back of my hand. He's my best friend. We were even best friends before we got together. Recently, I noticed change in him. He would really just kind of walk around the house kind of sluggish and not really have that big smile on his face like he normally did.

I feel like he's bored with our relationship. I want to do things that'll bring the spark back for him and just simply remind him why we fell in love or why he fell in love with me in the first place. Any suggestions on how I can keep this man happy?

Well, look, that was very short and simple. Like, what else is he feeling? Did something recently happen? I feel like it's something that you're leaving out. It could be a number of reasons. You know what I'm saying? Like, is he still giving you that sexual attention that you need, that women long for? I mean, because we're still human, right? I mean, do you get turned on? I mean, what's going on? Have you noticed something, um...

Something else, like, does he get emotional around certain times of the day, like after certain phone calls or whatever? Is everything okay with his family, with work? Did he just recently lose a job? Like, I mean, I'm not saying that you don't know. I mean, because nobody knows your partner like you. You understand what I'm saying? But I feel like you're leaving out certain things. So I wouldn't know how to even maneuver through this advice or navigate through this advice if you don't really give me more meat on the bone.

And then you're saying he was your best friend before. So to have a best friend and to understand what that is, you got to know the ins and outs of a person. Like I have a best friend, been my best friend since my son was what? One year old. Like, no, I was not met my best friend when I was pregnant. I'm tripping. Me and Sheena been best friends for 11 plus years. You get what I'm saying? So it's like, I know that.

when something's wrong with her, even if she come around me and be too quiet. And she got different quiets because Sheena is an introvert. You get what I'm saying? So she got that quiet where something is bothering her, but she don't want to talk about it. Then she got that quiet when she just sitting and observing, you know what I'm saying? Cause she, she's a Libra and I don't know, you know, I'm not really big on Zodiacs, but trust me, my best friend is a true Libra and she will sit and,

be looking, but she's paying attention to everything. She won't say a word, but she pays attention to everything. You get what I'm saying? She's a very introverted person, but she's extroverted with me when it's just me and her or somebody that she knows. You know, you got to fully know Sheena. She likes the scenery or whatever. And she'll open up

around motherfuckers she's comfortable with. So if this is your best friend, not to compare best friend relationships, but if this is your best friend, it will be beyond you just noticing the little things like him not smiling as much.

Or him being kind of sluggish. It seems that he is in a state of depression. I mean, from the sluggish situation. When somebody is sluggish, they're moving slow and they're inactive. You get what I'm saying? So obviously something did happen. Did you do something that you don't think he knew about or that you hid from him? You just got to give me more goddamn meat on this bone, damn it. Like, I need to know what's going on.

I wouldn't question my whole marriage because of this behavior, because you're asking me any suggestions on how to keep this man happy.

You're not even really trying to get to the root of why he's even feeling this way in the first place. You get what I'm saying? So that's telling me maybe you did something wrong. You get what I'm saying? Like, no, let's just see it for what it is a little bit. The fact that, all right, let me read the end again. You said, I want to do things that will bring that spark back for him and just simply remind him why he fell in love with me in the first place. Any suggestions on how to keep this man happy?

This is like, like you're trying to cover up the problem and you may be subconsciously doing it. You may not even know that that's what you're doing. You know what I mean? But a best friend would get down to the bottom of what's going on. Wifey, get down to the bottom of what's going on in your marriage.

You understand what I'm saying? Don't look at it as, okay, I got to keep him happy. No. Why are you sad in the first place? What's going on, babe? You, it doesn't say here that you had to talk to him. I mean, that you have talked to him about it. I always tell everybody communication is for everything. Not only in relationships, that's in friends, family, work, kids, from kids to parents and parents to kids, whatever, whatever bond or friendship it is. Communicate, communicate with strangers, right?

Keep that shit a hundred. You know what I mean? Stop tiptoeing around motherfuckers' feelings. And that's how you end up miserable and unhappy and left in a world of chaos because you're not saying something that you should have been said. So you let everything play out and it gets crazy. So definitely check back in with me. Give me more meat on this bone, girl. But talk to your man. Talk to your husband and figure out what's wrong with him.

Get to the root and then you try to figure out, all right, how can I get him back to this happy place? How can I get him to because he may still be in love with you. It's just something else going on. You get what I'm saying? So get to that. Maybe he's not good with communicating his feelings or expressing himself in those ways that could come from childhood. That can come from relationships with homeboys that can come from previous relationships. I really feel like have a conversation with your best friend.

Don't even go at him as a wife. Have a conversation with your best friend. Make it a safe environment for him to open up, you know, and then open up about the truth and then ask him, okay, what can y'all do together?

as best friends slash husband and wife to get this together. You know what I mean? Because I'm over here thinking it's me, babe. And I don't know what's going on. All I know is that you're not smiling like you used to. You're moving slower. You're sluggish. You know, you're inactive. And this ain't you. So what's wrong? Tell me. Like, I'm your partner. I'm your best friend. I'm everything. You know, talk to your man, girl. But let me know. Check back in. If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back.

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Yes, I just lost my little brother about a year ago. He literally was everything to me and I raised him like he was my own. I know you can't put a time on grief and healing, but I'm just tired of being sad. I

I see his picture on my nightstand every day and just bawl my eyes out. There are so many songs and so many things that I do in my routine that just reminds me of him. He's everywhere. You would think that would make me smile, but I feel like it just makes me more sad because he's not here to share those

moments with me. I want to get back to my old self. I want to be able to go with my friends again and listen to those same songs without crying. I want to be able to do my daily routine without stopping to go run and cry in the bathroom, lol. Ain't nothing funny, trust me, baby. I hear you. I've never really lost anyone this close to me, so this is a pain I've never endured before. Have you ever lost someone? What did you give to grieve? Hmm.

Well, babe, yes, I can tell you. I have lost someone. However, I haven't lost anybody in my immediate family, thank God. So I really don't know what that feels like, you know, and everybody plays different parts and different roles in your life. And, you know, to some degree, the level of bondness is different, you know, but I have lost friends, you know, I've lost family and no loss is easy. You get what I'm saying? But

It's only been a year, you know, so give yourself some grace a little bit. That's your little brother. I don't know how you lost him, you know, and that doesn't even matter. The fact that he's just gone, you know, and he's not coming back. And I know that bothers you every day, but don't try to jump back in.

your regular everyday routine so quickly. You know, like you said, you want to go with your friends and all. Yeah. I'm not saying don't go try to have a good time for sure, but give yourself some grace. If you do got to run to the bathroom and cry, that's your little brother. Again, it's only been a year, you know, you ain't the first person that wrote me about losing a close family member. People lose parents and grieve for a decade, 10 years. You know what I'm saying? You only get one set of parents.

You know, that's your brother, your little brother, your baby brother. I imagine I can imagine how close y'all were. Give yourself some grace. Like my son's dad, Rome. Rome found his mother dead when he was 10. You get what I'm saying? That still haunts him. He still lives with that. He still holds on to that. Can't nobody tell him how to grieve. He never properly got to grieve when he was a kid. He was 10 after he found her. He was pulled out of that household and thrown into another one.

You know, he had to go live with his dad and his stepmom. Completely different rules, completely different level of nurturing, completely different. You know, he went from having his own room to sharing a room with his stepbrothers and his little brother. You get what I'm saying? Like, it's definitely a shock. It's a world you have to adapt to being without somebody who you were just with every day.

So sudden. I would say give yourself some grace. I sympathize with you and I have a great level of empathy for you. But give yourself some grace, baby girl. Everywhere you go, you think of him. Everything you do, like you said, you see him everywhere. Try to think of a good memory and then try to also know that he wouldn't want you to be sad and depressed like this either. You get what I'm saying? But if you have to do it, you do it. It's all a part of grievance.

Are you in some type of therapy? Are you in some type of counseling? Did your parents offer that to you, extend that to you? Look, I need to go talk to somebody about this. It's been a year and I feel like I should be not over it, but further than I am right now, mom and dad. You get what I'm saying? How old are you? I would love to know how old are you, how old was your little brother? And I want you to give yourself some grace. Like you said, okay, you see his picture on your nightstand every day, you just bawl your eyes out. Put the picture somewhere else. You know what I'm saying?

That's not erasing them. Don't feel bad about it. That's not erasing them. Until you're ready to see a picture of him and not cry, I think it's, you know, you should just put it in the drawer or put it somewhere else. Put it in the bathroom. Put it, you know, that's what you see when you open your eyes. That's what you see before you close them. I get it. I can only imagine that you're probably having dreams about him as well. It's your brother, man. You know, so I want you...

to understand it is totally normal what you're going through and I totally get it all right just check back in with me and let me know moving on hey Jess could we keep this between us no face no case girl I can't see your damn face on a podcast anyway girl and I'm not gonna say your name okay let me cut straight to the chase please do I am in love with my best friend

Whoa. Okay, so you've been showing her. Girl, I like you. Bitch, I want you. Come here. She's also in a relationship. Oh, damn. So that makes it even harder.

Now, I've seen her in plenty of relationships, but this one, I think this is the one I might actually lose her to. I don't want to actually lose her, though. But I also don't want to push her away with telling her how I feel. And then she's also in a relationship, so I don't know how she would take it. I wouldn't want to lose my best friend just because I can't be with her. So I always try to put her feelings first. But I don't know, Jess. My feelings get stronger for this girl every time I look at her. And it's starting to really kill me.

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State Farm Insurance also cares about the growth of black communities. They're actively investing in programs and initiatives that help provide financial literacy, give early career advice, and grow black-owned businesses, thus leading to generational wealth, which helps protect the future of our communities. We want to build a future that we all can be proud of.

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Alright, so listen, it's two sides to this. She's in a relationship now, you think this is the one that you could actually lose her to, that means she's happy, that means she's thriving, that means this is obviously the best person for her that she's had out of all the relationships you've seen her through. And then you're honestly her confidant because that's how you know everything is

about her in all these relationships and moving forward. You know, you said she's an amazing, strong, beautiful woman, all of that that you've admired. You know, y'all have known each other since y'all was five and shit like that. So this is an interesting factor, you know, and it plays a part in why you would fall in love with her because you know her so well. However, she is in a relationship and maybe she doesn't look at you the way you look at her. Now that is like the harsh reality here, right? Now, the other side of it is

You do love her. You're in love with her. And you don't know if she feels that way because you've obviously never told her how you feel about her. So this is obviously a gamble and a big toss up between like your feelings versus your mind. Because your mind is telling you no, but your feelings and your heart is like, yo, tell this girl, right? But this is what I don't want to happen. Same thing you don't want to happen. You don't want to tell her about these feelings that you've always had for her and shit. And then you risk losing her. She looks at you.

like a weirdo and all that. Not a weirdo, but it's like, damn, you liked me the whole time and you sat back and you kept it from me. And now I'm in this relationship and that, you know, that could potentially fuck up things between you. But since I'm always an advocate for honesty and for people telling the truth about everything, oh gosh.

I would say meet up with her and talk to her, but talk to her as your best friend. Don't talk to her as somebody that's trying to court her because she's still in a relationship. I think it just needs to be an instant conversation of you coming forward with how you feel. You get what I'm saying? Because you having this agony and pain and shit, you laying at night,

in your bed and you thinking about her and she was somebody else, you know, but this is your best friend. So this is something that you should have been brought to our attention when she was in between relationships. You had all the fucking time and opportunity in the world. You've been knowing her since she was five. God damn it. Lord. But

I think you should go to her. Look, y'all sit down somewhere. I mean, it could be private or whatever. And be like, look, I know you're in a relationship. I know that you are happy. And I know this is not going to be easy when I'm about to tell you. And you probably may even look at me differently after this. But I've always had a thing for you. I know you. I know you in and out. You're my best friend. And that's what you deserve.

were before. You know, my best friend. I know you, you know me or whatever. I got to grow with you. I've gotten to see how amazing you are. You know, we've known each other for so long. I feel like, you know, you're my other half. You know what I'm saying? And I just feel like...

I haven't said this because I didn't want this to be weird to you or I just didn't. I didn't know how to express my feelings in this way because we've always had a friend-to-friend, best friend relationship. We've never had a relationship like this where I can tell you for sure, like, yo, I'm feeling you, but I'm in love with you and I know you're in a relationship, but I've been battling this and I just wanted to get it off my chest. See what she say.

Now, it's totally up to you if you want to throw the part in there where you're like, I feel like I may lose you to the person that you with now. Because God damn it, that's treading on ice. You are... You just don't want it to be weird. You know what I mean? You really don't want it to be fucking weird. And listen, I get it. But you got to tell her how you feel just to get it off your chest. Don't add that part in there like I said.

The person, I feel like I'm about to lose you because it's like, nah, that's still your best friend. But just because you in love with her don't mean that that's how she look at you. You know what I'm saying? This is kind of your fault, my nigga. I'm going to be honest with you. This is your fault. You let shit go so far. You let her get into another relationship after you just seen her through many. You know what I mean? And how many has she seen you through? You know?

I think you keep that a buck with her, sit her down, and then check back in with me and let me know how that shit went down. Please let me know how that shit went down.

All right. And just like that, we've come to yet the end of another Catholic Records episode with your girl, Just Hilarious. And what I'll be doing, I'll be fixing masks. Make sure you get your tickets, like I said, for Portland Yards, April 27th. That's a Saturday in Atlanta. We're doing the second annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. Get your tickets. I'm going to see you there. Like I said, I will be picking people. I will be picking people out.

out the crowd to fix their mess on stage. I will be picking four people. I want two women and two men, all right?

I'm not tripping about gender, non-binary, trans, whatever the fuck you are. Come on. I got you. But have some goddamn mess, all right? Don't come up there just to look cute and take pictures and selfies and shit because that's not what I'm there for. And mind you, I'm going to be even more pregnant and even more not giving a fuck, all right? So if it ain't about the mess, don't come up because it can't be about nothing else. Trust me. Love y'all. And each and every Wednesday, tune in to my podcast and in my deepest pan voice. Peace.

Carefully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

I'm not going to stop.

I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Gear up for outdoor adventures with the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder. This midsize SUV is designed for epic journeys. Offering spacious seating for eight, available panoramic moonroof,

and an available intelligent four-wheel drive feature with seven drive modes to take your off-road experience to new heights. Discover the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder at NissanUSA.com. Intelligent all-wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. Towing capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Towing Guide and Owner's Manual for additional information. Always secure cargo. Most deals are barely worth mentioning.

But then there's AT&T's best deal on the new Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 6. You can get it on them when you trade in your eligible smartphone. Any year, any condition. It's a deal so good, you'll be shouting from the rooftops. So grab a ladder and learn how to get that new phone on AT&T.

AT&T. Connecting changes everything. Requires trading of Galaxy S, Note, or Z series smartphone. Limited time offer. 256 gigabytes for $0. Additional fees, terms, and restrictions apply. See att.com slash Samsung or visit an AT&T store for details.

Black Tech Green Money isn't just about telling the stories of successful black entrepreneurs. It's also about giving actionable and wealth building strategies that help you protect the future of our communities. That's why we're pleased to be supported by State Farm Insurance. State Farm also believes that we must invest in our communities to achieve economic growth by sponsoring programs like the AXO, which rewards high school students for their academic achievements. State Farm believes that being better neighbors creates better communities. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

The fall is creeping up on us, but we don't have to give in just yet because summer doesn't stop in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. You can still get out and enjoy 60 miles of beaches, eat in the South's newest foodie haven with over 2,000 restaurants, and have endless fun at hundreds of attractions. Hold on to that sweet summer feeling a little longer at the beach. Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Plan your trip at visitmyrtlebeach.com. That's visitmyrtlebeach.com.