Carefully Reckless Replay - Protect Black Men
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The power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Welcome to Can't Believe Reckless, a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. I feel angry.

Hey y'all, what's up? It's your girl, Jess Hilarious. And Carefully Reckless ain't going nowhere. I just took a little break. But y'all know I can't leave y'all high and dry. So we gonna run it back and listen to one of the most ranked fan favorite episodes. Tune in and hold tight. And I'll be back before you know it. Peace. What up, what up? Welcome back to another episode of Carefully Reckless with your girl, Jess Hilarious. Story time.

I remember we all took a trip to Puerto Rico. Now, we all is me and a couple of other couples because it was like a couple's trip. Don't ask me who I took because honestly, I don't remember. And this was just last year. I do remember my aunt and my uncle being one of the couples. Now, I'm related to my aunt. She's my biological aunt. And my uncle is my uncle because he's married to her. My aunt is...

Very snobby. She's the rich auntie that, you know, most families have. She's very straightforward. She's blunt. She's like me, but more disrespectful. And her husband, on the other hand, he's very quiet, laid back, chill to himself. I love my uncle. He's cool. Obviously, they were having a problem in their marriage. I don't know why the hell they would even come on a trip and try to mask their problem. But game night, right? The night before we left.

We were playing the game guestress. That's when you got to do charades or whatever. And it's a team game. I don't know why we didn't do men versus women. I do not know why just to keep the confusion down and it would have been more fun, but we decided to do couples against couples. Now it was four couples. So it's eight people, two teams of two couples each, right?

Oh, my gosh. They couldn't agree on anything. My aunt and uncle, they couldn't agree. First of all, when he first got there, they were very distant. They were being catty toward one another. The tension was high. It was awkward as fuck to be around them because, you know, you know, when two people are beefing, you walk into a room to get quiet or they already quiet when you enter the room. That shit is crazy. Right. So we plan a game round one. They couldn't agree on shit.

Round two, couldn't agree on shit. They grew more heated and heated. By the end of the game, they were at each other's necks, y'all, like real shit. So my uncle says something like, man, I'm out of this motherfucker. I'm out this bitch. Went on the balcony, went to go light up a blunt. On his way out, she say, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. He just mad because I make more money than his ass. All bets are off now. He turns back around. He gets upset. He looks like, how the fuck can you even say this shit?

How can you even say this shit in front of people? I told you she had a few drinks. So did he. But women, one thing about us, when we hit, we hit below the fucking belt. And that shit is not healthy, not in a fucking marriage, not in a friendship, not in any type of companionship you got going on. Never hit below the belt, especially against somebody you love in front of a bunch of fucking people.

I remember nobody checking on him either. I remember that nobody went to go check on him, even the other guys. I mean, I guess they just didn't want to insert themselves into the business of my aunt and my uncle and shit like that. But all of us was trying to calm her down. We all was checking on her. And, you know, even my date, I remember him check. Oh, I remember who it is now, but y'all still ain't getting that information. He went to go check on her. Everybody was checking on her. Nobody went on the balcony.

with my uncle to check on him. He's smoking a blunt, he chilling, he quiet anyway. So he's very unapproachable looking. So I guess that's why as well. I remember the next day when we all woke up to leave, 'cause that was our last day on the trip, our flights were in the afternoon. We woke up, he was gone. He got up and he flew the fuck out. He didn't say goodbye to anybody, nothing like that. Now with that story in mind, today's topic is a black man's vulnerability.

It's important to talk about that type of shit these days because it's a very feminist time in life right now. Women, we get the spotlight a lot more now. And that's great. You know, the black woman is strong. The black woman is this. The black woman is that. Yes, we are. We're everything. Alpha and Omega and everything in between. You take us away. You ain't got shit. But at the same time, we still have another, another piece of humanity that we tend to just forget.

That's the man. You can't spell humanity without man. And we we tend not to give a fuck about a man's feelings. Now, usually the next segment is just fix my mess. However, I knew I just knew there would be no men who would willingly address their vulnerabilities and insecurities or whatever. And we have that.

But that's the problem with our men these days. We have to get them to talk more. And I know the tradition is, you know, men don't cry. Men are not supposed to cry. Men don't be weak.

You can't open up about shit. You have to keep it all inside because you're a man. You got to be strong. You got to be barbarian like. But that's bullshit because men still have hearts. They still have feelings. They're women without pussies. That's it. Like a woman is a man without a dick. We are the same. We're all people. We just have different shit between our legs. That's the only difference between us.

There are lots of insecurities that men struggle with. And it's a lot of shit that men deal with that women deal with as well. But it's overlooked when it's a man like men get cheated on. They get raped as children. You know, men go through all types of shit. They go through money problems. They they go through losing friends. They have confidence issues. You got men getting surgery nowadays. You don't like the way you look. Change it. That's not only meant for a woman.

You know what I mean? There are a lot of things that men deal with. But then you have the falsehood of ego. That's the mask that they put on so they won't have to face themselves or face their real problems. And also so no one around them will know what they're really going through.

That's why it's very important to have barbershop talk. Like, you know how we go and get our hair done and we talk to our stylists about everything. Well, I don't know these days. These stylists are so fucking messy. I don't fucking know. I don't talk to my stylist about a motherfucking thing.

But, you know, it's easy. You know, as women, we go and we talk about shit. Talk about these men. We sit in these chairs and let these women do our hair. We start spalking up conversations about how niggas done did us wrong. And then how we doing the niggas wrong. You never know what's going to come out of your mouth in a fucking hair salon because you're comfortable. You're amongst other women who are having some of the same problems. Now, put the same thing in a barbershop.

The barbershop setting. These men have these conversations. But I'm telling you, a lot of times because I used to work at a barbershop. Yes, they have the same conversations we have. But men still front men front for other men. No man wants another man to know his struggles, whether he's the man's best friend or not. He does not want anyone to know his struggles. You're always supposed to be the perfect, strong man.

And anything, your friendships, if you got a group of friends, you want to be you want to appear as the richest friend, the friend that got it all together. And you don't. Now, men have a lot of issues that they struggle with. That's why they can't properly assess kids and women.

You know what I'm saying? I'm not making up excuses because this is not every man's problem, but majority you'd be surprised. And I was having a discussion with one of my buddies and he calls it the trickle down theory. A lot of these men's issues are deep rooted, goes back to their childhood, goes back to generations and generations before them. Great, great grandfathers that didn't know how to love properly because their father didn't do that.

Their father didn't show them. Their father didn't put him on his back and, you know, run around the house with him or wrestle him or, you know, or wrap him in his arms and tell him he loves him. None of that. I remember a picture that was going around of Wiz Khalifa kissing his son Sebastian in his mouth. Now, a lot of men, they

They had something to say about that. A lot of women had something to say about that. But that's why we feel like we, that's, I say we, like I'm a man. Sometimes I swear I am, yo. But that's why men feel like they gotta be so hard up.

Because they're scared to show affection, even to women, scared to show affection. That's why a lot of gay men are scared of coming out. It's just a man is a man at the end of the day. They have hearts. They have feelings. Wiz Khalifa teaching that little boy love. He's teaching him love.

There's nothing wrong with him kissing his son in the mouth. That's his fucking son. Mind your fucking business. Then on the other hand, you got a man who never kisses his son, whether it be on the forehead, cheek, whatever, mouth. You got men that never kiss their fucking sons. Never. Now imagine those young men that's going to grow up who don't know how to show affection to a woman. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. They might think kissing is mushy. They don't want that shit. Oh, nah, nah, nah. Hell no. My father never did that. Nah, nah, nah, nah.

Even if you did have a mother that's affectionate to you, telling you your father plants the seed. Every household needs a dad. Every child needs a dad. And every child needs a mother's love, but also the love and affection from a father. That's why I praise Russell Wilson. He shows love to baby future. He shows him love. He's not hard up with the dude, with the little boy. He's not.

That one-on-one they get. Ciara's not always around when baby future is in the care of Russell. You know what I'm saying? He wants that one-on-one showing him love and affection. Not saying his father doesn't, but I only know what we see. And we see Russell giving him that affection. If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back.

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Again, general curses that has to be broken. Maybe someone's father beat their mother. Growing up in an abusive household, a lot of guys seeing their mothers get beaten by their father. Seeing their fathers even, you know, beat on them. That's also a generational curse. That's also how a man feels like he has to be so tough. Well, my father beat my mother. My father never hugged and kissed on my mother. I never saw that. So that's what I am.

My own brother can't stand his father. But in hindsight, he acts just like his dad. You know what I'm saying? That shit sticks with your kids. And that's why generational curses have to be broken. That's exactly why. Or it'll be hard for you to be a parent. It'll be hard for you to be a husband. It'll be hard for you to be a brother. It'll be hard. You have to break it. Men need therapy just like us women.

Men need love. A lot of times there is no framework, meaning nobody taught this man structure. Nobody taught him how to be honest with himself about his struggles. Nobody taught him how to open up about them. You know, whether it be to other friends. That's why men are so scared of therapy. I'm not about to go lay on the couch and tell no woman how I feel. She can't help me. I'm a man. I'm tough. And I don't want nobody in my business.

That's where manipulation comes into play. Most mass manipulating men have these issues deep, deep, deep down inside. Manipulation can't just come from nowhere. My son's father is very manipulative and now so is my son. My son hasn't even lived his life manipulative.

Fully. He's eight and he is a little manipulator for real. He gets that from his dad. But, you know, Jerome has a lot of issues. Jerome is my son's father's name. He has a lot of issues that he hasn't come to grips with. He hasn't put out those fires in those roots yet.

And he even told me, I mean, sometimes I think about going to therapy, but then I mean, what is that shit going to do for me? That's that ego I was talking about. That goes back to the falsehood of ego. What do you mean? You're trying to be so tough. You're trying to appear as something that you've trained yourself to be. So you don't have to deal with the issues. You don't have to face them. But in all reality, you will never be happy. You will never find love. You will never, ever, ever stop going from woman to woman looking for what you're missing.

If you don't get to the root of your problem, your own self. This is what I've told him time after time. Even examples and movies that they put in front of our faces on why did I get married? Angela and Marcus. She constantly put the man down. That's what my aunt did.

Put the man down about making less than she did. But in Why Did I Get Married, Marcus was pro football player. They started with his money. He got hurt. He got injured. And then the burden fell on the wife. Nevertheless, she picked it up, but she threw it in his face.

This is my money, Marcus. You ain't going nowhere. You ain't going to leave me because this is my money that forced that man to cheat. He did not want to leave his wife. But dealing with a woman 24-7 that's throwing something in your face, that fucks with a man's dignity. That fucks with a man's pride. So he cheated. He cheated with someone who ain't going to do that shit.

That ain't constantly talking about he broke and reminding him of his past. Oh, yeah, you did make money till you hurt yourself. Now you ain't got nothing coming. You know what I'm saying? She constantly reminded Marcus that he had to work for her in her salon.

The episode of Martin where Martin was so upset that Gina made more than him. He didn't even know that shit. It came out that she made more than him. He was pissed the whole episode. Now, these are real situations that they put on TV. Yes, it was a fictional sitcom, but it's real life shit. Men deal with all types of shit. Men deal with financial struggles. Men deal with abuse from their women. Men deal with a lot. These black men, man, they go through a lot.

We're going to take it back even further to color purple. Remember Celia, Mr. He beat that woman and she still went to go get up and cook for the family. Do the baby's hair. All of that. That was regular back then. That was fucking regular. And then he had a fucking mistress who was fucked up in the head as well. She was being mentally abused. She was being prostituted. But Mr. Was dealing with the struggles far beyond the abuse. Maybe he was abused when he was younger and shit like that.

He couldn't love Silly. He couldn't love Sutter. He couldn't love anybody probably because he didn't address his own issues. He would beat the shit out of Silly and she would get the fuck up and go cook dinner for the family like it was regular. That shit happened even back in slavery. The black man has always had to bore the physical part of slavery. You got to think about it. When the black man is born,

They were trained by white men. They would take the biggest black man. This is the one that got to do all the work. Then the workout in the fields and shit, they would get them real strong and buff like animals. They treated the black man like animals. That's what the black man was used for. The black man was seen as a machine.

A strong ass animal. Beaten when they didn't move. Beaten for not doing something right. Beaten. No matter what it was for. Nevertheless, they were fucking beaten. Which takes me back to Mr. and Sally.

When she didn't do something right, he beat her. Sometimes she wouldn't even do shit. He would just beat her. His ass was beat. You know what I mean? It's the trickle down effect that my homeboy was talking about. It's also the devalue of a black man. Even fast forward to the welfare reformation. When blacks started finally getting government assistance, the rules were a black man couldn't even be in the fucking house for a woman to receive any type of benefits.

The black man couldn't even be in the fucking house. So the black man had to hide. Of course, it was finessed. But when he would come around for the visits and shit to still keep up the benefits or whatever and all that type of shit, the evaluations, the man had to get all of his clothes out of there. And no man could even be in the house. No fucking black man could even be in his own house for hours.

the family to receive benefits, to receive help. And in my opinion, welfare reformation is what started the I don't need a man mindset for black women. Black women have had more training on how to defend themselves from a black man than to how to love a black man. I'm telling you, it started right there. In my opinion, you're going to always see a black woman even today. I don't need no man. I don't need no nigga.

I do this shit by myself. Like bitches love saying that shit. Listen, you do. You do. Just like the man needs us. Black women need black men and black men need black women. I don't give a fuck how you feel, what you say. If you turn this podcast shit off right now, I don't give a fuck.

Yes, we do. We need our men and they need us. And that's also why black men are so aggressive. Not all of them, but a lot of the majority of these men are so aggressive because we've been taught to defend ourselves against them. So, of course, like even when you first meet a man, we can see a nigga walking down the street. If his pants a little too tight or depending on, you know, the sway in his walking or whatever, what he got on. Oh, bitch, is he gay?

Oh, bitch, he sell drugs like we're judging him at the fucking door. You ever done that? We judge these men and then we get upset when they're with white women. But we often have that. We don't need your mentality. So actually, we throw these niggas away. That's what we do. We're throwing them away and we can be very spiteful. Hold up. Hold up. I know this shit getting good, but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen.

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As black women, yes, we can be very spiteful because like I said, we have been trained to defend ourselves. So when a man do finally open up, let's say he opened up and he tell you about his past or he has an insecurity or he tells you about one of his vulnerabilities. You take it. You love him. He falls for you. Y'all get angry and you throw that shit in his face.

You bring that shit up and you throw that shit out there at him. Well, you was telling me that whatever the problem, whatever the issue is, then they shut back down and don't tell your ass nothing else.

We have to protect our black men just like we expect them to protect us. We have to get them to talk more. We have to get them to talk more. A lot of men grew up in foster homes and being passed around from group home to group home. I remember I had a man that worked for me that told me that. And it's some real shit, sis. Growing up, being passed around from group home to group home is like jail. I feel like he was trying to tell me something. Maybe he was touched. Maybe he was raped. That's why he's so fucking mean.

That's why he beat niggas the way he do. That's why he's had encounters with women and fucking children. That's why he's not scared to take a life. The shit that he had to go through growing up. Now, he has a lot of children. A lot of them got about nine, 10 children and all of them are mixed. None of them are fully African-American. He also explained to me why none of them are fully African-American. He loves sex.

mixed women he loves hispanic women they're more submissive he doesn't have to worry about them going through his phone he doesn't have to worry about them calling him out of his name poisoning him when he's asleep or anything i'm like nigga what the hell have you been through with black women what the fuck that's why he said he's scared to date another one he told me this i ain't fucking with no black i'm scared to date a fucking black woman man black women think they're men is what he said i

I can relate to that because sometimes I feel like I am. You know what I mean? Like we're tough. We're very, very tough. We don't take no shit, but sometimes it's okay to be soft sometimes.

Sometimes it is. You also notice how black men don't marry black women, even going way back to your grandmother. Now, listen, black people will stay together for years and years and years, but never marry because we've had no examples to look up to. Now, I don't want to hear nothing about no Beyonce and Jay-Z and Grant Hill and Tamia and Russell and Ciara. No, no, no, no. I'm talking about way back. Not celebrities. Don't throw no celebrities in my face. Let's go way back.

Old people will stay together for fucking ever and still, still don't marry each other.

I don't know what it is about it, but it's hard to marry. We had no good examples. Even these days, it seems like people can be in love. When they have babies, they break up. The divorce rate in black marriages is way fucking higher than any other race because people get married without getting to know each other. People get married with hidden factors like men. Men don't like to talk about shit that they've been through. You have to really, really, really get to know yourself and

and really get to the bottom of who you are before you marry someone. And a lot of times, because these men do have these masked egos and this type of shit, they go in a relationship being someone that they've trained themselves to be, being someone that they're really, really not. And now when you marry, you're stuck with this person and you realize, damn, I did this too soon. But no,

You're going to keep making the same mistake if you don't get to know yourself, if you don't get to talk more. We have to get black men to talk more. If you are a black man listening to this episode of Carefully Reckless today, the topic was a black man's vulnerability. Hit the email. I'll give you advice. We'll get to the bottom of it. Shit, open up. Open up to me. That's what the hell I'm here for. I am a black man sometimes. So I got you, brother. Look at me as your brother.

But not real shit, man. A black man's vulnerability is so important and we need to get our black men to talk more, get them to open up. So black women hug and kiss your black men, black men hug and kiss your boys, your baby boys, your children, your sons.

Black man, call your father and tell him you miss him. You love him. Even if you know him and you ain't got a relationship with him before you leave this earth, make it your business to at least look your father in the eye. Tell him you love him. Give him a hug. Palm his head. All of that. Because love is love. Whether you're a woman or a man. Remember, I said the only difference between a man and a woman is what's between the legs. And I'm gonna leave it right there. Thank you for listening to another episode of Carefully Reckless. We'll be back next Wednesday, hump day in my office.

deepest Pam voice. Peace.

Carefully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I'm a savage. I think I killed GD.

She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronalde. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop.

I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Gear up for outdoor adventures with the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder. This midsize SUV is designed for epic journeys. Offering spacious seating for eight, available panoramic moonroof,

and an available intelligent four-wheel drive feature with seven drive modes to take your off-road experience to new heights. Discover the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder at NissanUSA.com. Intelligent all-wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. Towing capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Towing Guide and Owner's Manual for additional information. Always secure cargo.