Carefully Reckless Replay: What Is You Doing, Baby?
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Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect.

Oh shit, we on the air. Welcome back to yet another Carefully Reckless episode with your girl, Jess Hilarious. I'm about to jump straight in, just fix my mess. Now, again, these people will remain anonymous. And like I say at the top of every episode now, and which is also in the bio in the Carefully Reckless page on Instagram, you can send in voice memos, you can send in paragraphs, essays, whatever you want. But if you do send in a paragraph or if you write it or whatever, please send

spellcheck before you submit, because that might be the reason that I don't read it. And your story may actually really be good. And I actually may have some really good advice for you, but please spellcheck guys, please, please, please jumping straight in.

Hey Jess, I need help. I'm sick of my baby father and his inconsistent ass ways. Let me backtrack. We've been together for seven years, have a child together and all. Through the relationship, there was something that should have caused us to break up, like his first baby mother or the jail stuff, but I stayed and we have a child now.

One thing she gonna keep telling me is we got that child. Okay. They got that child. So if y'all didn't know for the third time already, and I'm only 10 seconds into the story, they have a child. All right.

Now, I had to go through so much for my place. I called home on my own with nothing but minimal assistance from him. I got my keys. He lives with me. There's no real bills being paid. He's still got stuff going on with the law. And all he can say for me to not want to give up is because of love or starting over, but

But it's sad because I want to start over. And she wrote that in all caps to y'all want to start over and not with anyone in particular, just a do over to be happy. I don't feel loved or appreciated. I feel used. I feel like I'm here for comfortability. And the minute he gets go, he's gone. Now, I don't know what that means. That could be some new slang. If y'all know what it means, then y'all tell me. If not, we're just going to keep on rolling.

Mainly because I don't try to make him feel bad, but I get mad at him when he thinks he has some say-so on some shit in my house. I don't want to be like, it's mine, mine, mine, but I worked hard alone with my child, and he just piggybacks off of what I do. And what I did. I have to help him do everything at his 29 years of age. Job applications, everything. And I know it's not because he don't know how, he just feels like I should.

And when I don't, I'm always looked at wrong. I'm starting to resent him and I'm not sure what to do. Yes, I love him. Am I in love? No. Do I think I've outgrown this? Yes. But I'm also a Virgo and I do impulsive things when I'm in my feelings. Your podcast always gives me clarity on things. Okay, baby girl. So look, I'm gonna start off by saying I'm an Aquarius and I do impulsive things out of emotion. So I don't think that's...

a sign thing. I don't think that that's an astrology thing. I think that's more of just an emotional person, who you are. All women, I'm not even going to say we're women, so we do that because all women don't react that way to emotions or when they're in their feelings. And all men don't do that. I know men that do it and I know women that do it. It's just you are very in tune with your emotions. And sometimes we don't know how to control ourselves when we're so deep in our feelings.

So don't put that on all Virgos because I'm pretty sure all the Virgos listeners probably like, girl, I don't be doing that, you know.

So you ask yourself a series of questions, you know, and these are all the questions I was going to ask. Other than do you love him? I know you love him. I was going to ask you, are you in love? You know, that's two different things. A lot of people have their own beliefs on that, their own thanks. I call it thanks. They have their own beliefs or thanks on that. But I believe that there is a difference. I do believe that there also is a difference between.

between loving someone and loving someone unconditionally. So obviously you don't love him unconditionally. You're not in love and you think you've outgrown him. So basically, I'm gonna tell you what you're looking for. You're looking for a confirmation.

That's what it is. It seems like you already know what you want to do. You know that you want to start over. You put that in all caps, girl. You wanted to start over and you didn't only write it once. You wrote it twice. You're done. You're tired. You're tired of him leeching. You're tired of being superfluous.

superwoman of the house. And listen, while that is something that we will always have to do when you leave him, if you leave him, if you were just in the household by yourself with your child, yes, you have to be superwoman. You have to be a hero to that child. You have to be the role model. You have to be the stature. You do. But when a man is there, some of that weight is supposed to be lifted from your shoulders. And you don't feel like you have a support system

Basically, he leans on you for support. So does your child. So who do you lean on? And I understand that. So you feel like you can do it by yourself without the man in the house if you're doing it with the man in the house.

You understand what I'm saying? So I think you're just looking for a confirmation. Girl, 29 years old and you have to help him fill out applications. Listen, that is not your oldest child, but I know that it feels like it. I know it feels like it. I've been in a relationship like this before. Only thing is I do not have children with the guy, but I felt as if I was taking care of someone else's son who was supposed to be taking care of his responsibilities and

And helping to take care of me and my household because it was my house. He just moved in it. I was always the breadwinner taking care of him and I and my son. You know what I'm saying? And there were times that I struggled trying to take care of all three of us because I didn't always have the best damn job, but I could always fend for myself after going through a

a bunch of obstacles when my son was younger, you know? I vowed to never, ever go back there again. So I've always worked my ass off. So listen, I do understand. If you're looking for confirmation, I'm giving it to you. Yes, yes, yes. Because the only thing that you said positive about this whole ordeal is that you do love him. That you do love him. But you love yourself more. You love your mental stability more. No woman or man.

should have to live miserably to accommodate somebody else's feelings. I was just speaking on this on last week's episode. We rob ourselves of happiness at the expense of other people's feelings. We lose ourselves in our relationships and our friendships and with these bonds. And we attach ourselves to these people and we give them the sense of entitlement by doing so. That allows you, in some cases, to even give power back.

You know, you're giving someone power over you when you dim your light to shine theirs brighter. And they ain't even going to shine on their own. You understand what I'm saying? So that's what you're doing. You're constantly building this man up. And I think it's draining you now. You've come to the point where I don't know how old you are, but if he's 29, I guess you're not too far before or after him. You know what you want? You're a woman, a strong, beautiful black woman. I'm looking at your picture right now.

And that sounds kind of creepy, but you know, I'm looking at your picture right now. Relax. I just want to take some pictures. I'm joking. I'm sorry. You seem like you know exactly what you want. Not seem, you know what you want.

So now you just have to take that step. And that actually needs to be a conversation with him as well. And do not let him say, well, you seem like you ain't going to let him keep reeling you back in because this has been the same song and dance for a while now, as you have put it. So I think you should sit and tell him there needs to be a conversation, communicate with him exactly how you communicated with me. Tell him and just say, listen, I

I'm going to let this go. I know that we have a child and I've tried and I tried and I tried to make it work for my family because I don't want my child to grow up in a broken household or two different households. But I cannot keep carrying all this weight by myself. If he doesn't understand that, he's still got so much learning to do.

about the woman he was with all this time because he's supposed to know you he's supposed to know that you're tired he's supposed to know that he got to get his ass up and get his shit together he's supposed to know you will leave his ass he's supposed to know that he is fucking replaceable whether he is your child's father or not he's supposed to know but he does not so sometimes you got to show a motherfucker something for them to learn and that's just it check back in with me boo

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Intelligent all-wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. Towing capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Towing Guide and Owner's Manual for additional information. Always secure cargo. Seeing our communities grow and thrive is something we care deeply about here at Black Tech Green Money.

State Farm Insurance also cares about the growth of black communities. They're actively investing in programs and initiatives that help provide financial literacy, give early career advice, and grow black-owned businesses, thus leading to generational wealth, which helps protect the future of our communities. We want to build a future that we all can be proud of.

State Farm understands that representation alone doesn't equate to authenticity. It also requires active sponsorship of programs like the AXO, a year-long program that recognizes and rewards high school students for their academic and cultural achievements, along with funding programs like Project Ready, a National Urban League program committed to educational achievement of black and brown youth that has awarded over $11 million in scholarship offers to date.

State Farm believes that being better neighbors creates better communities and can have a long-lasting impact. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. I'm a good lawyer, and I want to win. I'm a savage. I think I killed GT.

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Moving on. Hey, Jess girl, I'm gonna just get straight into it. I don't know if it's more of a question or a conversation, but what is up with the mentality of men these days? Girl, I'm still trying to figure it out. At 35 years old, I am finding that the problem with these men are one in the same within the African-American dating community. Come on, stats. Now, I have never been good at sugarcoating shit. So here we go.

Where is the black man's mentality today? Are y'all trying to be thugs, hustlers, pimps, bums, delinquents, entrepreneurs, or just plain old felons? Like, do better, my brothers, because I'm finding that the ones trying ain't trying hard enough. And this is not to ignore the many independent, successful black males. I know y'all exist, but this ain't about y'all right now. Ha ha ha!

I love her. Okay. You could be doing everything right in a relationship and your mentality still be wrong. I try not to judge a man for being on hard times. I met my man at work, but shit, he's not stable. Doesn't have his own apartment. Lives with his dad. We've been together for a year, but don't ask me about moving in. Now I have to question why a grown ass man doesn't want his own shit. Moving in shit is for marriage because if you miss me so badly, marry me. Damn.

Like, damn, I want to go to my man's house, lay up in his shit, smell his clothes, wash his dishes, see how he lives and maintains.

I need all men to drop this mentality and pick up a new one because I'm a grown ass woman. You niggas have no education, no experience. Get the jobs you can get. Work your ass off. Let that hustle man street shit go and create stability for yourself and your family. I was homeless before, too. And now what I value most in this life, the only thing that matters as an adult is stability.

I would love to pack a bag and be at my man's house or whatever for the day.

This is a serious issue, clearly, because all of y'all are miserable, trying to live together, thinking you're saving money, moving too fast, and making this shit the new normal. Ladies, cut the desperation and leave that man outside. Fuck all that moving in shit. For real, for real. Start making these men stand on their own. It'll be a domino effect, hopefully. Anonymous, please. Oh, baby, listen. Let's just time out for a second. Lord, I want to shout up and down my house right now.

She spoke so many words, dropped so many gems. And do you know what the first thing somebody will say about this woman? Oh, she's an angry black woman. Oh, she wants she got our shit together. She want everybody to have their shit together. Oh, she think her shit don't stink. Can't nobody go through nothing. You're not going to meet a man who's just going to be perfect. That ain't what she said.

And she's also said she's been homeless before. And so she knows what the meaning of stability is. She knows the value of being stable. She knows what that can do for your life. This girl don't need no goddamn advice. You asking me to fix your mess? Girl, you don't need no, you probably just fix some of my shit.

Damn. So now I got to go back and see what the fuck she needed because hold up. Wait. Oh, right. Right. Right. OK. And I was going to say, I ain't fixed. She ain't tell me about a specific man. She just want to know why these niggas out here acting this way. Why is the mentality of a man so shallow these days?

Really, seriously. Now, I'm not saying you guys aren't confident. I'm not saying you guys don't believe that you look good. You don't believe in yourselves. You just don't want more for yourself. And if you do, you don't act on it. There is no action behind it.

That's what she wants to know. And she's 35 years old. She's trying to figure it out. She says she was dating a man for a year. Now, he was already living with his dad. Now, she probably gave him the benefit of the doubt because I know a couple of y'all are like, well, she don't want to stay with him for a year. She knew he was living with his dad when she met him. Yeah, but she tried to give it some time. That's what she's saying. She gave it a year. The nigga still was living with his dad. And he probably asked her to move in with her or we're going to get a place together.

She want to be able to date until married. No, we boyfriend and girlfriend, we doing this shit right. You live over there. I live over here. Now, when we get married, nigga, we can move in. We can talk about all that moving in shit when we get married. You miss me so badly? You miss me bad enough to be with me every night? You know, to sleep with me every night? To wake up with me every morning? To live with me? I cook for you? I do all of this shit where we are one now? We are under the same household? Nigga, marry me. Where is that ring?

OK, I do believe I do. I do really do believe that people get in these relationships barely even knowing each other. Yeah, you could be with somebody for six months and still don't know everything that you need to know about them before moving in with them.

I'm not saying you're going to know everything about a person in order to live with them. No, you don't need to know everything about a person. Because listen, there are married couples that still getting to know each other that have been together for years and years and years. Because as people grow, people change. I know I hate that word change. I'm going to change that. Listen, people evolve and some people grow together and some people don't.

Some people evolve differently than others. Some people evolve differently than their mates. Some husbands evolve differently than their wives. So yes, you will always be getting to know your partner, okay?

So don't take that the wrong way. It's nothing wrong with that. But I think that these young people and these older people, both they get in these relationships without even really knowing everything they need to know about a person. Then they move together and, you know, to save money, they plan house, they plan the marriage thing. Nobody even talks about being married. We go moving together. I don't even know if the fuck you even have a desire for marriage. I don't even know if I'm going to be with you in five years.

Or even if that's something that I want, because no one knows what the future holds, but you do know what you want. You do know and you can dictate what you want to. You can depict your life off of your wants and your needs and your goals and what you are looking for, what you're striving for. And then before you know it, that's wasted time, wasted money, wasted effort.

And now you guys live with each other and you can't stand one another. And then you thought you was going to get this amazing guy and you thought you was going to get this amazing woman and it was going to be that way. No, y'all didn't get to know each other. Y'all didn't get to miss each other because now y'all live with each other. And what you didn't know before, you know now, but now you live with this motherfucker. So now everything she do pisses you off. Everything he do pisses you off and you want out. But y'all signed a damn lease.

So now, hibernation season is over and it's time to get some sun outside. Gather your crew and hit the road in a spacious 2024 Nissan Pathfinder, your gateway to larger-than-life adventures. With spacious seating for eight and available panoramic moonroof, everyone can enjoy the journey and soak in the scenery of the great outdoors. Plus, with an available towing capacity of up

to 6,000 pounds and an available intelligent four-wheel drive feature with seven drive modes, you can take your favorite toys while adventuring on new terrains. Seize the thrill and start exploring with the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder today. Head over to NissanUSA.com to learn more.

Intelligent all-wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. Towing capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Towing Guide and Owner's Manual for additional information. Always secure cargo. Seeing our communities grow and thrive is something we care deeply about here at Black Tech Green Money.

State Farm Insurance also cares about the growth of black communities. They're actively investing in programs and initiatives that help provide financial literacy, give early career advice, and grow black-owned businesses, thus leading to generational wealth, which helps protect the future of our communities. We want to build a future that we all can be proud of.

State Farm understands that representation alone doesn't equate to authenticity. It also requires active sponsorship of programs like the AXO, a year-long program that recognizes and rewards high school students for their academic and cultural achievements, along with funding programs like Project Ready, a National Urban League program committed to educational achievement of black and brown youth that has awarded over $11 million in scholarship offers to date.

State Farm believes that being better neighbors creates better communities and can have a long-lasting impact. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. I'm a good lawyer, and I want to win. I think I killed G.T.

She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Corinaldi. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt, new episodes Thursdays, streaming only on Hulu.

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You're in limbo. I totally agree with everything that she said. Listen, she is also speaking from experience. She's not talking down on anyone. She's speaking from experience because she was homeless before. She struggled before. And that's how she learned the importance of stability, guys, and getting something on your own.

Getting that shit on your own, being independent, not needing a motherfucker for nothing. Now, listen, everybody needs somebody, but that's not what I'm saying. Listen, if I needed $1,000 and I didn't have it and I called my mother and she couldn't give it to me, I called my father, he couldn't give it to me. I'm going to get it some type of way. Now, I'm going to hint on this and then I'm moving on because this is a serious thing. This is a very serious question that she asks. Why are the mentality of guys like this these days?

Listen, she said, where is the black man's mentality today? Are y'all trying to be thugs, hustlers, pimps, bums, delinquents, entrepreneurs, or plain old felons? And mind you, she shouted out the guys who are, all the successful black males.

But she ain't talking about y'all right now. All right. So I see that a lot. I see that a lot too, babe. I do. The thugs, the bums, the leeches, the niggas that leech off women. And you know what I'm saying? I'm going to tell y'all this and I was moving on. On YouTube, me and my son's father used to do this series called Co-Parenting Therapy. I don't know if you guys are familiar. If you're not, check it out. Listen.

We started this over the pandemic. And I remember Jerome sitting next to me saying, oh yeah, this is a new day and age now. I want a woman to take care of me. I need a woman to take care of me. I'm okay with a woman taking care of me. I want a woman to take care of me. Times have changed. So yeah, now y'all take care of us. And I was like,

I remember the feeling that went through me. I remember the fine hairs on my skin just stood up. And I remember backhanding the shit out of Jerome. I'm talking about just a bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, like right across his goddamn face. And then I woke up. I'm like, oh shit.

I had a daydream of me smacking the shit out this nigga for saying that on a platform. That was a daydream. I didn't touch him in real life. It's actually, you can literally see me in a trance when he says that. You can see me zone out and just go into my own mental space when he says that. Like I checked out, go watch them episodes. I could not believe that he said that.

I'm like, what? He like, yeah, shit, I don't care. And this is right when I was about to stop that series because that nigga was moving into a place that I helped him move into and I helped him buy some furniture. And instead of saying, thank you, this nigga was like, damn, you bought me a bedroom set with no mattress? What?

Again, I daydreamed that I pushed this nigga out in front of the car, got in it and rolled him over, backed up and rolled him over again. I remember daydreaming that. Damn. And this is very revealing to you guys that I have these strange visions, but I would never do anything to hurt my son's father. Just letting you know. But

I cannot believe that men actually think like that. He doesn't think like that now because we've come a far, far long fucking way and he know damn well he ain't ready to be in my life thinking like that. And that ain't what you about to teach your damn sons either.

And that ain't what you teaching your damn daughters to take care of these niggas. No, you don't raise a woman to take care of a man. You raise them to take care of their households. Don't get it misconstrued what I said. You raise a woman to take care of her household.

You raise a man to take care of his family. It's two different things. And y'all can beg to differ all you want. Now, I'm going to speak from experience. Me growing up, my mother took care of the household. Okay. My father took care of us, the family. Not saying he had nothing to do with the household, but the woman is who makes the house a home. Okay. The man is the provider of the family.

I'm not even going to say traditionally. That's how I was raised. And that's how my friends growing up was raised. That's how neighborhoods was. That's how communities was. That's how it was. I guess you can say traditionally. I don't really like to even use tradition. I don't really like to use that word because everybody has different traditions. There's different traditions for different people. So I really don't like to just say, just throw my tradition out there on everybody. But that's how I was raised. That's my belief. So.

Back to you, girl. You are on the right path of that. And I think you need to stay exactly how you are. There is nothing wrong with how you think. Girl, that will be a man somewhere. Worship in the ground you walk on. You stay true to yourself and you stay thinking like that. Girl, I love this. I love what she said. Shit, we need to check back in with her, don't we? Don't y'all know how I tell them? All right, y'all check back in with me after I try to fix the mess. Shit, we need to check back in with her. Shit.

And I think it's safe to say we get ended right here today, y'all. Thank you for listening in with Jess Hilarious and another episode of Carefully Reckless. Listen, tune in to Reckless Discussions each and every Wednesday. We got another episode dropping tonight at 7 p.m. only on YouTube. Check in, tune in every...

Every Wednesday morning at 7 a.m. on your way to work, on your way to take the kids to school. You want to wake up and listen to Catholic Reckless and go back to sleep? So be it. If you're listening to it at work, don't get caught. Love y'all. See you next week. And in my deepest pan voice, peace.

Carefully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I think I killed GT.

She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronaldi. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not going.

I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Gear up for outdoor adventures with the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder. This midsize SUV is designed for epic journeys, offering spacious seating for eight, available panoramic moonroof, and an available intelligent four-wheel drive feature with seven drive modes to take your off-road experience to new heights.

Discover the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder at NissanUSA.com. Intelligent all-wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. Towing capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Towing Guide and Owner's Manual for additional information. Always secure cargo.

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