Cheater's Anonymous
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Welcome to Can't Believe Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. ♪♪♪

And just like that, welcome back to yet another carefully reckless episode with your girl Jess Hilarious. So y'all know Fix MS is what I do and I still have not gotten my intro. So y'all ain't spam Charlamagne's comments enough. Y'all need to spam I Heart. Y'all need to spam The Black Effect. Y'all need to...

spam Breakfast Club, DJ Envy, because if DJ Envy, he pay attention to his comments. If y'all go down there, he gonna send it to Charlamagne, and Charlamagne gonna see. So make sure y'all, even spam my goddamn comments. Jess, we need the Jess Fix My Mess intro. Because it could be something like, Well, are you gonna fix my mess today? It could be something like that.

No, it's not. My sister over here looking like, bitch, no. I need a jingle jam. You know who I can call up? I can call Nick Cannon. He can't make no rap songs, but he can make a jingle. All right, he is the jingle king. We can do that. I can get that. All right, all right, that's fine. So I'm going to have to reach out to my buddy, Nick Cannon, and see if he can write me a jingle or Justina Valentine. Somebody got to write me a jingle. Or...

Pretty V. I think, oh, I can get all of them on there. Pretty V. No, it's giving Nickelodeon all that, ain't it? Never mind. All right. All right. So just fix my mask. We're just going to have to do it like that.

Alright, this is a story. It's written. We ain't got no voice memos this week again because people's boyfriends and girlfriends is catching on to this. It's like, bitch, you over here talking about our business to Jess like I don't know your voice, bitch. Y'all be getting yourselves in trouble, child. I'm sorry. I can't save them once they get you in that chokehold. But hopefully, ain't none of y'all getting choked behind sending in voice notes. So,

Here go the first story, about to dive right in. Hey Jess, so the story I'm about to tell you, I might sound like a bad person, but trust me, I'm not, LOL.

So I was recently messing with this guy and he literally was a complete bum. Oh my God. Oh no. A complete dream. Oh my God. He was literally a complete dream, but he started to become very clingy. Oh my God, girl. I've been in many situations like that. Me personally, I love clingy, but sometimes he made me feel like I couldn't breathe or had any personal space. That's what clingy is. So she's definitely describing that.

It was never intrusive, but very overwhelming. As time went by, I would tell him how I feel about it. And things will change, but it would eventually go back to the same thing shortly after I told him that I needed space. Okay. He totally respected it, which I loved. But it also caused us to fall back from each other a lot. Oh, wow. And it may sound fucked up, but I really didn't feel bothered by it. Okay, right. So...

No. So then it's not that that was just you showing your truest feelings. You were just being very, very honest and it's okay. We always make the mistake of thinking of you thinking that we're hurting somebody's feelings by just telling them the truth. No, the truth is like, it's supposed to hurt. Sometimes the truth doesn't always have to be a happy thing. It can be very uncomfortable and it's okay. It's how you felt. So don't feel like that girl.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. This girl from Baltimore, we did the D. She spelled D-E-W like Mountain Dew. Yeah, she from the way. She from around the way. That's all it was, though. Nothing more, nothing less. But shortly after that, I left. I took a video and posted it on my story, not knowing that there was a huge ass hickey on my neck. Mmm, chow. The guy who I broke it off with called my phone about 30 minutes later, and we were just talking. Next thing you know, I'm blocked.

Mm. And I didn't even realize that there was a hickey on my neck. Girl, when I tell you this man is hurt, he is so hurt. And I just don't know how I should go about this situation. What should I do? Hashtag help. Oh, my gosh. Okay.

So the guy that you broke it off with saw a huge ass hickey on your neck from your ex. Let me ask you this because I feel like while you put a lot of meat on the bone, you still left some meat off. Did he know about your ex? Did you tell him about your ex? And how recent is this ex? How much of an ex is this ex?

Shit, because if he's doing shit like getting called when you need a little bit of dino dingy, then y'all ain't over each other is what that tells me. It also tells me that you may have been calling the ex before he dropped off some dino dingy. You never really lost contact with him. Now, you could have taken a break from your ex. And we do this thing called getting over someone with someone else. We do that. That's human. That's actually...

on both sides. That's not a woman thing. It's not a man thing. That is like a person thing, a human thing. Sometimes we may use one person to get over another person, not realizing that we're never going to really be over this person or we're not over them yet. And we actually fuck up the new person who actually develops real feelings for us. And not to say that it doesn't go the other way because sometimes

You could have had genuine feelings for this new guy, too, but you didn't close the door on your ex. Like you didn't you didn't. It's like you tried to move on before you were ready to move on. Now, you didn't say that y'all were together or anything. You said that y'all were just talking and all of that. But if he's questioning you about hickeys from a previous situation or just hickeys, period, then y'all got a little bit somewhat serious, because if he can have the audacity, then he can.

then y'all was on that term. So I need to know, did you get into a relationship with the new dude? Like, did you ever tell him he was your boyfriend? Did he ever tell you you were his girlfriend? And did you ever agree to those terms? Whether it was slight, whether you did against your will or not, the decision that you made, if it was yes, you were his girlfriend, y'all were together. And then using somebody to get over somebody,

bites you in the ass when you gotta break it off with the new person and go back and fuck with the old person especially if you told the new person that you were over or trying to get over or you were just getting out of something if you even gave them that little bit then that clears up a little bit because he can't say he never knew about this person

He can't say that because some guys will try to play stupid like, oh, damn, I thought this was the nigga I ain't have to worry about. Well, no, you chose to believe that you didn't have to worry about him. You ignored everything I said in the beginning because you thought that a lot of people have any minds that they can try to take you away from somebody to.

But I let you know about this person. I let you know I was fresh out of a relationship. I let you know that I might not be fully over this nigga. You know, this is the meat that you kind of left off the bone. And that's okay because I want an update. Oh, I want an update. And also, do you think your ex left that hickey on your neck, that big ass hickey on your neck on purpose?

And did you let your ex know about the new nigga that she was dealing with? Because you have to be honest to both people. It doesn't matter why you broke up with the ex. It doesn't matter if you're trying to move on. You have to leave that line of open honesty still because you don't know if you're going to go back. You don't know if you're going to fully move forward. So you have to keep everybody safe.

Aligned with how you're feeling at all times. And that's just to cover your ass. You know what I'm saying? Because the truth can be twisted, but not if it comes from the horse's mouth. And whenever you're feeling something, whenever your feelings change, you've got to communicate that.

Like, if you even felt like you was going to go back to the ex, you should have let New Yo know. Like, look, I'm not over him. I still think about him. You know what I'm saying? Because even... All right, so my parents are divorced, right? And it's only their second year being divorced. They both are still very honest about their feelings toward each other. You know what I'm saying? Now, that's a different comparison because they've been together 30 plus years and then they just broke it off. However...

The honesty is still the same. You know, you're not going to jump in a new relationship, especially if you ain't going to close this door. If you've been, you just was married 30 something years and to one person who you only know that person, it's going to kind of be hard for you to jump out there and give somebody else new your all. Somebody new your all, you know what I'm saying? So ladies, just be careful when moving in.

From a relationship that was extensive and then dating new people, you're kind of vulnerable and this new person will come along and sweep you off your feet, or at least that's how it'll feel, you know, because she said she likes clingy until it's the wrong motherfucker being clingy.

You know what I mean? Clingy is cool until it's the wrong motherfucker that's clinging to you. Because then you got to try to figure out how to uncling that person. And if he's already a clingy person anyway, if that's already his personality, it's going to be hard to switch up.

And if you're not a big fan of a clingy person, because what it sounds like is you do is you do like clingy. You just like it from a certain person. You like it as long as you're into the person. Nobody wants a clingy person, to be honest with you.

Unless both of you guys are OK with that. Like I'm clingy to my guy. I'm clingy with my boyfriend as he is clingy with me. Now, clingy is different. We both have jobs that allows us to be gone. Well, it demands our time. So me and my man got to be clingy because we don't we're not with each other every day. He's a truck driver. He has his own company. So he makes his own schedule and he fills that motherfucker up.

I am my own business. I am a stand up comedian. I'm an entertainer. My job demands my time where I have to be in this place and that place, different cities, different states every week, sometimes three times a week. I travel. Listen, just two weeks ago, I was me and my sister was in three cities in 12 hours, three different states in 12 hours.

You know what I mean? So that's the type of job I have. So my time is demanded and accounted for, whether I like it or not. All I do is just say, yes, I'm willing to do this on this date. So clingy works for certain people. Certain people, it does not. Also, how old are you? That depends as well. If you're younger, clingy.

clingy is gonna be what you keep running into, you know, because y'all, y'all millennials, well, I'm a millennial, you may be Gen Z, you may be Gen X, I don't know what's after that shit, I don't know, I gotta ask my sister, I gotta get the time capsules down for y'all asses, but, um,

And then what do you want? What do you want? Do you want a relationship? Do you not want to be committed right now? Like, what are you? How long was your last relationship with your ex? I need to know these things because I want to be able to properly assess you. Because while it's easy to say you should be with the new guy, don't let the new guy down, you know, because he didn't he didn't do what the ex did. And if your ex is an ex for a reason, you should just go be with the new guy. That's easy to say that. But obviously.

You're stuck. Obviously, you're stuck in a situation or it was a situation at one point you felt like you didn't want the ex and that you wanted the new guy, but you didn't fully allow yourself to get over the ex.

So you started missing them. And then you start critiquing what the new guy did. And you started indirectly comparing them, subconsciously comparing them. Oh, well, he don't got what this new guy got. I mean, I like the new guy, but he's annoying. And I can just go back and deal with it. We talk ourselves into back into the ex's arms because that's where we were most comfortable. But comfortable ain't always good. You don't want to get too comfortable somewhere because then you fall back into old ways. I don't think...

You need to be worried about dating. See, I don't know because I don't know how old you are. So you have to update me. I need to know how old you are because if you're a young girl, you do not need to be worried about being caught in between two guys. They need to be working on themselves before they get caught up with a sexy red or a sukiyana. And I don't believe you are either of the two. Okay.

I don't, you know, or Glorilla. You know what I'm saying? We have these beautiful black girls that are leading us. Some, I don't know the hell where, but they're leading, okay? So while you seem very wholesome, I need you to put some more meat up on that bone and get back to me, all right? And we're going to move on from that. If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back.

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And continuing. Okay. Jess, I need help with my mess. So I've been having these feelings that my man is cheating on me. Oh, well, girl, you're probably right. He's been acting distant and less communicative. He's usually an affectionate person and always express how he feels about me, you know, for reassurance. Our past few days, our conversation started to get more and more dry.

What about the pussy girl? I'm sorry, y'all. This is her story, not mine. And he would always hold my hand. There was none of that. Oh, wow. So last night I decided to go through that phone. I know that's right. I know the dumbest thing I could ever do. No, it's not. It's not. If you've been feeling it, girl, wait till you go to sleep. But I need to know this.

Did you take the phone and go in the kitchen? Cause some bitches make the mistake of trying to go through the nigga phone while he laying right there asleep. Like if he move and budge, he can't just take his goddamn phone back and then he change the password. Now you back at square one looking stupid cause you trying to figure out the phone private, huh? No, take the phone and go in the garage. That's what it is. Alright, so she went through his phone last night. I'm about to continue.

I found everything I was looking for. Oh my God. See, that's why you needed to know. All right. It made me question, am I doing everything right? And what am I doing wrong? I was so hurt at a loss for words. He had been talking to this girl from his job. Oh my God. Ain't that the worst fucking ones when a bitch got to work with your nigga and that, or let me go ahead. Taking her out, calling her beautiful and even sending her flowers.

I haven't gotten flowers from him in four years. Oh my God. And we've been together five. That's your fucking fault. I didn't handle all this well. After I was done looking at the dumb shit, I woke his dumb ass up. I know that's right. And hit him in his face with the phone and immediately started spazzing out and fucking all his shit up. Oh my God. That escalated very quickly. Jesus, what the fuck you been listening to? Glorilla, bitch? Why are you doing this? All right, let me continue.

All he did was deny and couldn't even own up to it. Well, after you punched him in his face with a fucking phone, I wouldn't be able to admit much either. Which hurt me even more that he couldn't admit because that mean he would have kept doing it.

Well, I don't think nobody gonna want to see Willie Lump Lump after you got done with him and shit. He gotta wait for his face to clear up to get back on any of these dating apps, bitch. I wouldn't even want to go into work. I know the bitch that he fucking with at work like, ew. Exactly. I got a bitch, honey.

I've never had my heart broken before. And all I can say is, girl, this shit hurts. Oh, you're a first time. Okay, you were a virgin to the heartbreak. That's why you handled it so physically. Okay. All right.

So I'm going to stop you right here. You was never supposed to put your hands on the man. I know it's a lot of y'all listening to this like, no, she did what the fuck she was supposed to do, bitch. Like, no, no, grah, grah, keep it a stop. Like, all right, yeah, I get it. You want to be ratchet and rah-rah. And like L'Oreal just said, she put it out there. Then listen, in your 20s,

turn it the fuck up if you delusional turn it the fuck up you gotta get all your toxicity out in your 20s you gotta live your toxic through your 20s so i'm gonna just go ahead and say that you are in your 20s because this is being pushed

So I'm going to try to un-push it. You should have never put your hands on that man because what if that nigga put your ass behind bars? For not only did you hit him, you hit him with an object that could have killed him. You hit him with a phone. You know, that's a piece of metal. This is glass and metal that these phones are made out of. You could be sitting behind bars all for this clown ass nigga who wanted to cheat on you at work.

You know what I'm saying? That ain't worth it. But since you ain't in jail, which I hope you're not. All right, good. Make this the last time because I know I know you wanted to boom, boom, boom. I would even say hit him for me. Boom. But that's not what we want to do. OK, because you could have took the bigger L than he did just by putting your hands on him. You understand what I'm saying? Hold up. Hold up. I know this shit getting good. But listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen.

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What you do is you leave his ass. You leave him. You walk the fuck away. Y'all been together for quite a few years. You know what I mean? And he haven't gotten you flowers in four of those years. It seems like that's something that you allowed. Now, if you've never voiced it like, yo, what's up with this? Like, you don't let years pass. If everything happened great in the first year and all of that shit, great. When it starts, stop happening.

That's when you got to say something. When you see that the compliments go from every day to once a week, you start saying something. When you see he don't hold your hand no more, you start saying something. You understand what I'm saying? Because that don't necessarily mean it's someone else.

That just means that he's bored now. It could mean a number of things. That doesn't necessarily always mean that there's someone else. He could be getting bored. He could possibly think that you fell off with some shit.

You know, have you sat down and talked to him about this? Even before y'all got at this stop right here where you see he fucking with somebody from his job. Have y'all had a conversation about y'all falling out of love with each other? Has he ever said, has he ever complained about anything? Were you...

taking heed to this like is he getting bored in the bedroom like it you know communication has to be on that level where y'all are willing to sometimes have uncomfortable conversations because that could lead to a spike in your marriage or in your relationship that could lead to better things or it can lead to worse things but for better or for worse honesty and communication definitely applies

Seriously, because that's how you know whether you want to leave a situation or you want to work to keep it. You know, you want to work at it. That's how y'all realize the worth in the relationship at all to see, you know, regardless or not, you know, if we can make this work, we ain't going to go cheat on each other.

Because if I feel like I really want to step out, we don't belong together. We can't be together. We it has to be like some type of maturity, some type of communication level where y'all can come together and say that. Look, y'all, before I cheat on you, before I make a selfish decision to not give you a choice to leave me or to fix whatever, I feel like you ain't you're lacking or if I'm lacking before I go down that road of betraying you and and

defying you, you know, I think we should give it a try. Oh, I just want to break up with you because I don't want to have to cheat on you. You know what I'm saying? People are not there yet.

A lot of people ain't mature enough to make those decisions. But that's where we can start. If people start being honest like that, I think we will have a lot less cheating. Seriously. Sometimes people cheat because they like it. It's fun. It's fun doing something you ain't supposed to be doing. You know, it's fun until it ain't fun no more.

You know what I mean? So I think that shit could have been avoided this whole fight. Cause now he probably don't even want to fucking deal with you, you know, cause you done turned to physical, which does not justify him cheating, but you done probably put your hands on this nigga before some type of way. I don't know, girl. I don't know. Are you not telling me? Cause if he getting abused at home, yeah, I will be shacking up with, with Bernadette from the job too.

You know? And is she older? Because if she older, he probably feel like he can save, she can save his ass from you.

Shit, girl, you can't be going Mighty Joe Young on these niggas, man. You can't. You can't. And as bad as I feel for you, because I've had my heart broken by going through a phone too, you know, you went through it for a reason because you felt something. So your confirmation should lead you where you need to be, not with him. This is somebody he works with. You're never going to be able to trust him again. Let's just go here. Let's just say this right now, because you already said you felt like if you never would have went through the phone,

He would have kept going. And that's usually how it goes. You keep going until you caught. And then you only sorry because you're caught. Not because you love this person so much. No, because while you're having your fun, you're not thinking about this person at all. You know, or you could be, but you ain't thinking about him enough to get the fuck up and stop doing what you're doing, you know, behind their back. So I definitely am not justifying his actions. I think you just need to leave.

You know, before you become a little too physical and you land yourself in jail or the nigga hits you back a little hard, harder than you hit. Because, you know, he's still a man. You know what I mean? So just check back in with me and just decide, decide on what you want. I feel like you should move on. You could do better than this. And yeah, that's when shit get toxic. You don't want to be in a toxic fucking relationship if you don't have to be in one. You know what I mean?

You'll never be able to trust him again. He's still going to fuck with the girl in the job because she ain't doing what you're doing. She ain't beating his ass up. She ain't going through his phone. And also, he should be man enough to walk the fuck away. But it's probably something keeping him there. Convenience. You take care of him. You got, you know, good puss puss. He also loves his girlfriend of five years, you know, but it needs to be a spark there. Something is missing or y'all didn't...

Took a turn for the worse and y'all growing apart. So grow apart and stay apart. I love you. This is the end of yet another episode where Jess is fixing mess because that's what I do and that's what I do best. And then my deepest fan voice catch me next week. Peace.

Carefully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I think I killed GT.

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