Fixing Mess Forever
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She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronalde. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate.

The power of attorney always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt, new episodes Thursdays, streaming only on Hulu. Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. And just like that, we're back on the air. Welcome back to yet another Carefully Reckless episode with your girl, Jess Hilarious. Now I'm fixing mess from day on and day out. I will be fixing mess forever.

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And now we've been back together for a year Then had another baby and all When we got back together a year ago He told me that he was done with the bullshit He wanted to be with me And only me And he loved me He was in love with me He was gonna try his hardest Try his best to get me and keep me

So he got me, and I felt super secure at first. But lately, since this one situation happened, everything he does has me side-eyeing him, and it's not comfortable because we live together. We're raising a family together, and I feel like I don't even trust the man that I'm sleeping next to. So I told you I had a baby. When the baby was around one or two months, his phone was in the kitchen. It lit up, and I seen that he had missed a call from D.,

So I'm like, who is D? Because I know everybody that he talks to and I don't know who the fuck D is. So I look at the call log and I seen that they had been on the phone the night before for about an hour and the text messages were super dry.

So I just asked him, I said, who is D? Like, who is this? And he was like, oh, it's just a girl that I used to work with because he used to have this job, but he got fired after Christmas. So he said that the girl was a coworker and that, you know, it was just talking on the phone like they had never met up or done anything outside of work for real. So I believed him because like I said, he made me feel secure and I trusted him and yada, yada, yada.

Come to find out that was all a big fat juicy fucking lie. When I saw his phone, that was around two months ago. Fast forward to three weeks ago, I lost my debit card. I'm looking in my car for my debit card and I opened a little, I call it the sunglass hatch in the front. I opened the sunglass hatch and I see a piece of paper with a phone number and an address on it.

So I'm like, whose information is this? Because it wasn't my handwriting. It wasn't my piece of paper. So I put the phone number in Cash App, and the name comes up, and it's the D girl. So I'm like, why does he have her address if...

they never did anything outside of work. Why would you need her address? So I'm like, okay, I'm gonna hit her up because if I go to him, he's just gonna keep fucking lying. So I hit her up and I said, this is his girlfriend. You know, what's going on with y'all? So she was like, oh yeah, he's real cool. That was my dog, but we don't, we haven't talked in a while. And

So...

pissed right I go up to his job I get my car he's like what's wrong with you and I basically told him I'm not fucking with you right now like you're what's wrong with me you're my problem you lied you cheated blah blah blah I'm going off so I go home he gets home from work and we're talking about it and he's like this is what happened you made me feel this way so this is what I did I created the plenty of fish account because you wouldn't talk to me and I wanted somebody to talk to me and give me some attention

I'm like, how am I supposed to trust that you won't physically cheat on me? What if one day I decide not to have sex with you for a month or two? You're going to go out and cheat like that's what you're going to do. Because if that's the case, if we were going out and getting things from other people while we're lacking in each other, then I would have been gone a long time ago.

Because you, there's plenty of things that's wrong with you. And I stuck with you and learned to love you how you should and want to be loved. Anyways, so that was one situation. And then ever since then, I'm just been side-eyeing him. Like today, he left to go to the store. And I hear somebody yell out,

And they said his name was just saying his name is Joe. Hey, Joe. I hear somebody yell, hey, Joe, from my bedroom window. And I didn't know you were back. So I went out on the balcony and I low key was looking for his mom because she said she was on the way. So I thought that was her. So I go out on the patio to look and nobody's there. But he's getting out his brother's car.

So I'm like, okay. So he get in the house and I'm like, oh, who's that that said hey to you? And he gaslit me. He was like, I don't know what you're talking about. You sound crazy. You tripping. Ain't nobody say my name. There was a girl here for DoorDash and I held the door open for her and she said, thank you. I'm like...

I definitely heard somebody say, hey, Joe, but okay. And he's just like, nah, nah, you tripping. I'm like, oh, you didn't see me walk out on the balcony? He's like, nah, I ain't even see you. So then his brother comes over and he's like, yeah, he told me about you was mad because he thought I was mad at him.

Like, oh, you got hoes walking around the neighborhood saying, hey, because we just moved here last fucking Wednesday. We've been here. I don't even know what day it is, but we just got here. So, no, I don't think you got hoes all around the neighborhood. That's not what I was thinking. My problem is you gasping me, trying to make me feel like I'm crazy, that I'm hearing shit when that's not the case. I heard what the fuck you said.

fuck I heard it you didn't hear it so all you had to say was I didn't hear that and left it at that but you wanted to make me feel like I'm crazy so he told his brother that I was mad so his brother's like yeah he told me you were mad um I saw you come out on the balcony so I'm like oh so y'all did see me come out on the balcony because he said he didn't see me he's like oh yeah we definitely seen you because I said look at Daisha so I'm like like

Just, I don't know what to do because I want to be with him and like, I don't see us ending, but it's like, I'm starting to get the fucking vibes that I did when I was a teenager dealing with this nigga, like and all his bullshit. And I don't like it. It's not comfortable. I don't want to walk around with an attitude because you're pissing me off. Like, I don't like that shit. And then we just moved to his hometown. So it's like, he knows everybody here and I don't know nobody. I don't talk to my family. I don't talk to my mom. Only person I talk to is my brother and I have one friend.

that lives in Georgia and my brother lives in Charlotte and I'm in Michigan so it's like I don't have nobody all I have is him and he's letting me down big time like he is letting me down right now and I don't think he understands that because everything he does needs a justification he can never just admit I was wrong for that and leave it at that it has to be justified so I don't know what to do like do I break up with him just say fuck it because I can't keep living like this I don't know what to do tell me what to do sis

OK, so I definitely understand, baby girl. I want you to calm down because I know even with you telling me that you are getting worked up, you're very frustrated. You are. I'm not going to say walk away. I'm still not. I'm still not. Y'all have been together for a while since y'all were teenagers. Y'all been on and off, I'll say more so on than off.

So that's why I'm not telling you just to walk away and just to give up. It's just that you two have known each other and have dealt with each other for so long that I'm not going to say you guys are growing apart, but sometimes people can mistake growing pains for growing apart.

It just seems like that you two may need some time away from each other. Now, these days, you can't say that to somebody, you know, a younger couple. They'll automatically think that someone is going to be with someone else when they say, oh, we need to take a break. Or, you know, the person who initiates the break has to just be going to fuck with somebody else. No, that's still true. That's very valid.

Self-peace, self-joy, self-love, those are three things that are necessary.

in a relationship because you're still your own individual person. No, you should not be having to walk around with an attitude, but let's figure out what he's going through too. You know, I know, I understand you move to another city for him, another city and state. You don't have nobody. So that also plays a part in your frustration as well. On top of dealing with this bumpy road that y'all are on right now, then you'll have kids together too. So that can also play a part

You have to figure out what's going on with him. Where is his head at? He has friends. He has family. He has a foundation there. Okay. But that doesn't mean he's happy either. That doesn't mean it's not something going on with him mentally. Where is he mentally? Where is he? You have to figure it out. That's just the conversation.

But if he's going to sit there and act like you crazy and try to flip everything on you, then that's when you fall all the way the fuck back. Even with having children, that's when you fall all the way the fuck back. I don't know what your financial status is. I don't know if you have a job or, you know, whatever. If you are financially stable enough to go get your own place just to create space between you two to see if this is really meant to be.

Just to see it's nothing wrong with that. You can't lose anything that you wouldn't have already lost anyway. You understand what I'm saying? You can't lose anything by taking a step back from this relationship if you weren't already supposed to lose it. Maybe it's not supposed to be there. Maybe you're not supposed to be there. And I get it. Sometimes you just don't know what to do. I understand. But that's why there has to be solid communication between you and him.

And he cannot play these games. He can't. It has to be a reason why. But he can't play these games. If you feel like a man is cheating on you, if you're not an insecure person, most of the time, you're fucking right. Even if you are an insecure person, something had to make you that way. But most of the time, well...

A lot of times women get in our heads, we get in our heads and we'll create scenarios that aren't even remotely close to being true. Just because we haven't caught a person cheating, just because things seem fishy. But I've been wrong many times. I've been right many times. And I'm not saying whether you're wrong or right. I'm saying most of the time when you feel a person is cheating on you, they are.

You've started to give your everything. You even uprooted your life and moved to a total different state.

To be with this man. You don't have friends. You don't have family. That can also be a thing that he's taking advantage of as well. Because you totally picked up and moved to where he is. So he can feel like he's controlling the situation. It's easy for a guy to feel that way. He knows you have no one there but him. And I guess your one friend. But he knows that it's for him solely that you moved. So he already has in his mind that he has controlled you to a certain extent.

That's why he does things and say things like, oh, it's because of you. You were doing this. That's why I went to get her number. It was, that's why you were lacking this. That's why I went here to get it. That's why.

And you made a valid point. Well, if it was all about what we lack, I would have been left your ass. I stuck with you. You're lacking a lot. Even now you've lacked in the past. And I still I still never stepped out on you. I gave you my all. I'm giving you my all.

But it's draining me now. I'm tired of this shit. So y'all two need to sit down and talk. If you feel like you're not getting anything, yes, you need to up and leave. Yes, you do. And I trust that you can do that. And I trust that you will because the type of woman I feel that you are, just the way you speak, just the way you tell me your story.

I can tell. Yeah, you have a backbone. You're just in love with a man. That's all. And we can seem weak for men a lot of times, but no, it's just that we give you our all. We expect the same thing. We don't get it. Now we have to act the fucking donkey. Okay. Before I move on, I want to ask you something real quick, girl.

What fucking year are we in? Why the fuck is bitches writing their numbers and their addresses on papers and sticky notes and niggas still leaving them in the car? That's how my father got caught cheating one time. How the fuck you... What? From back in the... I'm talking about back in the day. Who is still writing down numbers and addresses? And he fucking lied about that girl being his motherfucking co-worker too.

So keep this shit in the back of your mind. I'm not going to say leave. It could be a bumpy road right now. It could be something that he's going through. But don't ignore shit. Don't forget shit.

motherfuckers lie all the time they lie all the time that doesn't make it right but maybe he wasn't sleeping with her maybe he wasn't maybe that was just somebody that he was getting attention from because you were lacking with giving him attention that still don't make it the fuck right and if he's gonna play around with you and try to flip shit on you and shit like that then maybe it is time for you to take a fucking step back that may be what you need to do check back in with me

Like I said, I don't know your living situation. I don't know if you are stabilized enough financially to go get your own place just to see what happens with him.

You know, I don't think you need to be in a situation where he feels that you need him so he can do whatever the fuck he want to do because you need him. You're not going to leave him because you in a whole nother city. I don't want him to feel like that. You're a little cripple. You know what I mean? And you can't go and fly on your fucking own because you all the way in Michigan, you can make a life anywhere for yourself. If you're strong enough to do it, you don't need no friends, no family, no nothing. You don't. Okay.

but you need to be in your right mind. You can't let him have everything to do with your mind. You can't. Okay? So check back in with me, girl. Now we got a commercial, and if you click off this podcast, I swear I'm going to beat your ass. Listen. Moving on, we have another voice note. What's up, Jess? My name is Lamisha Patterson. I'm from the west side of Chicago. I am 29 years old. I don't have a just-fix-my-med situation. I'm a

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She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronaldi. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not going to stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on Jags. Reasonable Doubt, new episodes Thursdays, streaming only on Hulu. Clog.

I applaud you for your work. I am a big fan since your Instagram videos, like since your old, old YouTube videos. Like I'm a real Just Hilarious fan. I love you. You funny as hell. And I just want to be a part of your podcast. Like shout me out. I love you. Put me on the episode.

To say what? That you love me? I love you too, Lamisha. Now get the fuck on. Shit, making me mad. I thought she had something to say. I love you too, girl. Don't do that shit no more now. All right, my bad, y'all. We moving on to some real shit.

Okay, so nobody else sent any voice notes in, but they did write me large fucking paragraphs. So here we go. Hey Jess, my name is Jai. I am a transgender male, female to male. I have known this girl for about two and a half years and we dated for a bit at the beginning, but she flipped out and started tripping because she didn't believe I was on the phone with my mom.

We went back and forth as friends after the fallout and recently started talking again. I let it be known that we were just friends from the beginning, but she still tried to press a relationship. Introduced me as her boyfriend and called me bae, babe, baby, etc.

I usually nip it in the bud, but it still happens. Fast forward, I told her I didn't want to be with her, relationship-wise, and that she was a great friend and I wanted to keep her as a friend. She got upset and started making it as if I was the bad guy and that I let her on when I made it clear that we were just friends. I want to keep her as a friend, but I don't think she can respect my boundaries. But she is a good goddamn person and I like her, dot, dot, dot, as a friend.

Oh, I mentioned I was trans because during the argument after telling her I wanted to be friends, she started addressing me using feminine terms instead of masculine. And that is kind of why I am in a bind because we always make up. But disrespecting my transition just ain't it.

I definitely understand. First of all, I'm going to tell you that I'm absolutely proud. And I give you the utmost respect just for telling me that, you know, you are transgender. You went from female to male. But let's just start even before we get to this.

her disrespecting your transition. She seems like a very insecure female off the rip. You told her you were on the phone with your mother and she didn't believe you? That you were on the phone with...

Your mother? So something there just, that's a red flag that she think that you would have to lie about being on the phone with your mom. Maybe she's been through some shit and she ain't able to trust no damn body. I understand when people get into arguments, people feel like they have to win. Some people just have to have the last word. Some people just got to win. Some people just have to hit below the belt.

At times and sometimes every time. And that was wrong for her to do. But that's the reason I feel that she was doing that. She wanted you to hurt. And that is the only way that you could hurt. Because what other reason would she have to say that she's trying to hurt you? Because I'm gonna tell you how she feels. Even knowing that you were born a female and you have transitioned into male sex.

She still is in love with you. She is in love with you, knowing every part of you she's accepting of, you know, your transition. And she just really fell in love with a good person because I can see that you are a good person from what I can gather from reading what you sent me. You know, you seem like a really, really good person. And those are hard to come by.

She's taking the fact that you only want to be friends with her as rejection when she shouldn't even look at it that way. She should look, okay, this man still wants me in his life as a friend because obviously I'm still somewhat good of a fucking person. He doesn't want to be with me, but that doesn't mean that I'm not a good person. You're looking at all her attributes, her traits as a person, her personality, her character. And that says a lot about her that you even still want to remain friends with her.

You said she was a good person, but that hurts when you want to be with someone and they're telling you, no, I just want you as a friend, you know, because she probably can't figure out why the fuck she's not good enough. So these are just motions that she's probably going through. I've been in that predicament as well. And if I'm right, that's what it is. She's just focusing on the negative part of it because she wants to be in your life, but not as a friend.

And she sounds like the type of person that if she can't have you, no one can. That's very toxic and very dangerous. But yeah, this girl is madly in love with you.

And that person is also dangerous as well. If you can use something against me that I told you or that you know is a sensitive spot for me, then you're a malicious person. You're vindictive. That says a lot about you. You're very selfish as well. Why are you trying to hurt me? What does my sex change? What does my transition have to do with me not wanting to be with you? Why is that even coming up?

with a negative connotation behind it. If you love me, why would you use that against me? So I definitely do understand that part of it as well. And that hurts you. I imagine that hurts you because this is a woman that you love. So I never, ever, ever tell people to sever ties with friends or lovers and shit like that. But I would say take a step back from her because she need to deal with her own hurt her own way. You can't be a punching bag for her just because you don't want to be with her.

Thank you for submitting your story. I know that there are even some things that you left out about her because you don't even want me to judge her because you still love her. But I know y'all relationship wasn't all peaches and cream. I can tell that her mouth get a little slick and that she may have an attitude problem as well as need anger management. But...

You didn't tell me all that, you know? And that's because you still love and respect her so much that you ain't even going to try to throw no dirt on her name. But that's one thing that you can't get past. I can tell. I know it because you did bring that up that she'll even refer to you as a female. That's her own insecure self. She needs to deal with that. Yes, you should take a step back from that, honey. You should. And let her come around because nine times out of 10, she's going to need you before you need her. And moving on.

Hey, Jess, please help me. I'm 24 and my boyfriend is 42. Damn. We've known each other for six years and we've been dating almost three years. Since we've been official, he's had a stroke, a heart attack, flatlined, lost his job and home. God damn.

I stopped going to school to get a second job to support us. Right now, we're working at Waffle House and the pay sucks. I'm mentally exhausted and physically drained. He pressures me to give him a baby, but his daughter doesn't even fuck with me. Every time I try to leave, he plays mind games about how I'm giving up on him and he doesn't want to end up on first 48 or snapped. Oh, God. I'm afraid and I'm close to giving up.

Okay, sweetheart. Wow. So you're 24 and this man is 40 fucking too. Okay. For one, that's already a problem. Now I know that I date older guys. I know I do, but that's now you're 24. I'm 30. I'm just starting to step into these older niggas. Okay. And I'm loving it. But back on you 24 years old, this man is 42 years old.

already too big of a fucking age gap. You said you've known him for six years and y'all been dating for almost three years. Okay. Since y'all been official, this man has had more health issues than a little bit. Now I'm not coming at him for that. That's something that he can't change. And I understand that. However, that's what happened when you get up there and age. Okay. And that's also what happens when you live a hard fucking life.

And that's also what happens when karma catch up to that ass. All right. I'm just going to say that and we're going to move on. He done lost his job. He flatlined. He had a heart attack, a fucking stroke, all this. You stop going to school. You.

A baby young enough to be his daughter. You stop going to school to support y'all. What man in his right fucking mind gonna let his girlfriend do that? What real fucking man, man, I put a D on it. And what real fucking man gonna let you do that? What real man gonna let you drop out of school, baby? Let's just start. I'm gonna help you realize your worth like this.

Who in they right mind gonna let their girlfriend drop out of school to help them? Now this nigga done went from all that he was and you done went from school to now both of y'all working at the motherfucking Waffle House. And the pay sucks. You're goddamn right it sucks for a 40 fucking two-year-old. It better suck.

You're 24. You still need to be in school. You know, ain't nothing wrong with you working at Waffle House, but not with your 42 year old boyfriend who ain't doing shit, but depending on you. You're mentally exhausted and you're too fucking young to be. You're physically drained and you're too fucking young to be. You're letting this man physically drain you. And now he talking about he want a fucking baby. You dropped out of school. You work at the Waffle House with him and he's pressuring you for a baby.

But his other grown ass daughter don't even fuck with. Oh, I'm getting it now. You saying his daughter don't even fuck with him, not you. Okay. So he got one child that don't even fuck with him, but he's pressuring another child who was you to give him a baby. Okay, Kelly. Damn. He plays mind games with you because he knows he can control you. You've been letting him do this. He got you to quit school to help support him. So he already know he has control over you.

He controls you. Where is your father? I would love to know. Where's your mom? Do you have older brothers? I want to know more about you because how did you get here? And them little jokes that he says, you know, I ain't trying to end up on first 48 or snap. Sometimes they ain't playing about that. Sometimes they ain't jokes. He might be dead ass serious about that. And now you're afraid, but you're close to giving up. Oh my God.

I'm afraid that nothing that I can say will even help you. It won't even get through to you. I'm afraid of that. I really hope it does, though. I feel like you need to get the fuck out. I don't care how you do it, but you need to get out. Has he ever put his hands on you before? Or are these just little harmless threats that he says when you say you're going to leave? I don't know.

But I know you smart. And I feel like you can figure out a way to get the fuck out without ending up dead or ending up a victim of domestic abuse. I feel that you can get out. You're young. And with all these strokes and heart attacks and flatlines, that motherfucker might not be able to catch you. So you might can leave while he looking. Shit. Shit.

Let me know, because this pisses me off. This pisses me the fuck off. And I want to ask you, are you from New Orleans? And is that where you live? Just reading your Instagram name. I think that's where you may be. But let me know. Check back in with me, because no young girl deserves this. But I want to know more about you and how the fuck did you even get here? And we're going to end the episode on that note, y'all. Thank you for tuning in. These three stories got me in my goddamn feelings. Again,

Feel free to send in voice notes telling me your story so I don't have to read it or get it wrong. Or I would love to hear your voices, guys, when y'all telling me these stories. It means so much more to me. Again, you never have to say your name. You never have to tell me your significant other's name. You don't even have to tell me how old you are and where you're from. This is a safe space. I want everybody to feel that they are safe telling just their mess.

And I want y'all to feel like I can help you. And when I can't, I'm going to let you know. But until then, make sure you send in all of your feedback. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Also tune into Reckless Discussions tonight at 7 p.m. I'm so sorry that we had to take a hiatus last week. Your girl was sick. I ended up...

not having COVID or monkey pox. I thank God because God is good and all the time he is good. I think I said it wrong, but either way, he knows he's good. Tune in every Wednesday at 7 a.m. to Carefully Reckless and in my deepest Pam voice. Peace.

Carefully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I'm a savage. I think I killed GT.

She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronaldi. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop.

I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Gear up for outdoor adventures with the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder. This midsize SUV is designed for epic journeys, offering spacious seating for eight, available panoramic moonroof, and an available intelligent four-wheel drive feature with seven drive modes to take your off-road experience to new heights.

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