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Welcome to Can't Believe Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. ♪
And just like that, we're back with yet another Catholic Reckless episode with your girl, Jess Hilarious. We're going to jump straight into it. So this is more written passages from people. Again, I encourage you guys to send voice notes in unless you have a distinctive voice and people can guess who you are. Because a lot of people do listen. So I'm just letting you know. But, you know, y'all know I'm basically still saying I'd rather listen to y'all than to read y'all shit. Because y'all punctuation still be off.
God damn! All right, but it's all right. Hello.
Okay, so I have been married with my husband for about 15 years now. We were high school sweethearts, and even after that we were the golden couple. Ever since we got married, we would take trips at least six times a year, always date each other, and just live the life a married couple should really have. This man has loved me unconditionally through everything. About 10 years ago, I'm 30 now, I figured out that I would not be able to have kids and it crushed me but all he did was build me up and reassure me that it's okay.
never left my side. Up until recently, everything was perfect. I noticed a change in his attitude. It wasn't nonchalant, but it just feels like that he's just putting up with me. I don't know maybe he is getting bored. It took me by surprise, because we literally switch things up.
And tried to keep the relationship spontaneous so I'm just confused on the whole switch in character. I also tell you the story about me not being able to have kids. Because we did recently have a conversation about it and I did pour my heart out to him about not having kids or being able to give him one. And he did reassure me.
But maybe this is the reason why he's been acting a different way. Maybe I did put the thought in his head that he will never have kids as long as he's married to me. I could be overthinking, but that's literally my only theory when it comes to it. I don't believe he's a cheater or would do anything to hurt me. And we have great communication. So that's why I'm leaning towards this. Maybe he doesn't want to bring him back up so I won't feel the way. Or maybe it could just be something else girl I don't know. What do you think?
Damn. All right. Well, first of all,
You've been married to this guy for a decade now, like you say. It started off really, really, really, really great. You know, lovers lane. So amazing. Y'all were in love. There was nothing going on. He kept reassuring you. Now you told him in the beginning that you were unable to have children and he still fell in love with you, you know, in spite of all that, you know, and you fell in love with him. Has he ever told you that he really wants kids? I mean, I...
Obviously, you can't, but it still matters if he wants to. Has that ever been a conversation? Has he ever said, well, this is something that I want. I really, really do want children, you know, because there are other ways that you guys can have kids, you know, other than vaginally, you know, there's adoption. There's so many other ways. You get what I'm saying? Like, is this a situation where you can't do in vitro? Do you not believe in that? Like,
Not to get, I guess, too personal, because if you would have wanted me to know, you would have told me. So let's just scrap that. But have you guys ever considered adoption? Or is that something that you just never entertained? Because if the child doesn't come biologically from you or him, then I could understand if that was an issue. You know what I mean? I do understand. But then there is things like surrogacy. Have you ever considered a surrogate? Somebody to carry a baby for you?
I know these things get pricey. However, they are alternate routes that you can take if you really do want children. Now, as far as his behavior, him just switching, totally switching. Usually with situations like this, you see red flags. You see not a sudden change of pattern, but you'll see a buildup. You know what I'm saying? Because
the fact that he just switched, that could be something else. I mean, it could have something to do with you not being able to have children, but it also could be something else.
Because that's a deeper situation, you not being able to have children. I know he has to think about that every day, especially if he wants to be a dad. If he desires to be a father, then yes, that's something that he would have to think about every day. And that's just not a switch that you flip. You get what I'm saying? So please understand, I'm not accusing him of cheating. I'm not accusing him of just falling out of love with you. I'm not accusing him of any of those things only. You know what I'm saying? However, we can't just...
Throw away with the fact that it may be something like that because of the sudden mood change, because of the sudden pattern change and all of that. Do you guys not spend as much time together? Does he seem turned off? Does he seem uninterested in you at times? Have you ever sat him down and talked to him about it? Or are you just trying to make sure you're not crazy and tell another person your situation before you do anything?
actually approach it or approach him, let me know. And you let me know a lot, but it's still a lot more I would like to know. Also, you got to understand when you don't communicate, you know, when we as women don't communicate, we kind of let things linger. Could you have been ignoring signs before he just flipped the switch? Could you not have been paying attention this whole time? So whereas like you noticed the end of his buildup and now it's just a flip switch to you.
Like, it seemed like it happened in the blink of an eye. Like, could you take some type of accountability to say, like, now only if it's yours to take. Don't take accountability for some shit that is not true. But I'm just saying, could you have overlooked how he felt because he kept reassuring you? You know what I'm saying? Because, listen, I just got finished talking about this on the last Jess with the Mess. Actually, no, on the last Jess Fix My Mess, the one that I do on Breakfast Club, a lot of people cannot take
tell the truth because they don't want to hurt somebody's feelings, you know, that they're sparing someone's feelings. So you oftentimes tiptoe around the
What you have to say or how you're really feeling because you don't want to hurt somebody's feelings. That's what he could have been doing to you. And that's what you could have been doing to him, you know, because what if he was never OK with you not having children? Oh, what if he was OK in the earlier years of y'all's marriage? But then he developed such a desire to become a father and want more family.
you know, than just you want a family, you know, like what if that was the thing for him? What if that's what he really wanted? You know, so you have to sit down and talk to him. That's your husband. That's not your boyfriend. It's not just a little jump off. This ain't one of the niggas on your roster. You understand what I'm saying? You don't got to hide how you feel at all. I've been together 10 years. You know, I'm pretty sure y'all have experienced rough patches in marriages. I mean, no marriage is perfect.
At all, you know, so I'm pretty sure this wouldn't be the first uncomfortable conversation that you guys have had to had, especially the elephant in the room. You're unable to have children. I imagine how hard it was for you to tell him that and how hard it is if he wants to be a dad to reassure you that it's OK.
You get what I'm saying? So I think you should sit down with your husband and talk to him and fully get through with him. And I always encourage people, don't get up from their damn table until you have answers that you need. If that other person got to get up, so be it. But that's what we do. We try so hard to tiptoe and to coddle other adults, whether we're in love with them or not.
You know, just to save and spare their feelings. No, this is the uncomfortable part of this marriage. It has to go here so I can get what you're feeling. If I got to make you feel uncomfortable to tell me the truth, I'm going to do that. So let me know. What is it? Is there is it another woman? Is it the fact that I really can't have kids, but you don't want to leave me for it because you're in love with me?
But you still want children. Is it, you know, is it that I'm boring you? Is it that our sex life has now lost spice? Like, is it because it could be something else? I'm not just going to jump straight to cheating. You know, is my communication off? Do you feel like I don't pay you enough attention? Like, what is it? I've noticed a pattern.
Like a change in your pattern. You don't hold me the same. You don't look at me the same. We don't talk anymore. We don't go on trips anymore. And this seems sudden to me. But if this is something that you've been feeling, why haven't you come to me? And right now, more importantly, is the right time to come to me because I notice it and it's making me feel like it's my fault. Let me know what's going on. You know, I'm in the dark about this.
And then you should get an answer, honey. But let me know. Check back in. Answer my questions too. Y'all be trying to help. Y'all be trying to leave a little juicy off the fruit. I don't know why I just said that. Y'all be trying to leave meat off the bone. I'm going to just say that. I say y'all be trying to leave juicy off the fruit. What?
Girl, you say anything when you're pregnant. I'm going to blame everything on this baby. I don't care. I'm going to blame everything on the baby. I'm tired as hell. Nose bleeding. I'm like, what the fuck is going on here? Jesus. So to all the other pregnant mothers out there, please let me know.
If y'all experienced dry nose and bloody nose, like what the hell? I wake up in the middle of the night, blow my nose. It's all blood. Like I wake up in the morning to clear out my, you know, just to clear my system out. And it's, it's, it ain't even mucus and snot. It's blood. Like what the hell is going on? I've never had this issue.
I mean, I have here and there, but it's so frequent now. It's not every day, but it's very much more frequent than it's ever been. And it's very weird. If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back. Here's a little secret. Most smartphone deals aren't that exciting. To be honest, they're barely worth mentioning. But then there's AT&T and their best deals. Those are quite exciting. They're the kind of deals that are worth talking about. Like their deal on the Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 6.
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Jess, I was an addict for 15 years and I am now 5 years clean. During the process of getting clean, I met my best friend at an AA meeting. And she wasn't an addict, but she was the caterer there, they would hire her to cater the meetings once a week. Fast forward I became the godmother of her first child, and she also became mine.
VTW, I am engaged right now to my child's father. So about three months ago, my best friend lost her mother and she hasn't been taking it too well. I definitely wouldn't expect her to. I mean, she just lost her mom, but I'm noticing a lot of change in her and I honestly know she's doing drugs and not telling me. I'm not sure what kind.
I'm definitely leaning towards pills. It started with her, dropping my godson off to me, and not coming back until the middle of the night and she looked so out of it. She said she had a lot of errands to run, and that's why she looked so tired, and I went for it but I still had that thought in the back of my head.
Now recently, I went over her house to spend the day with her. And we sat down, and was just having a conversation. She dozed off in the middle, and snapped back, and forgot everything we talked about. I mean her eyes was rolling in the back of her head. She was so out of it. Luckily her son wasn't there that day because I would've took him with me but, I did leave because I felt triggered. I called her the next day to tell her about herself.
And she had no idea what I was talking about. I immediately knew she was getting high. I used to be an addict, so I definitely would know. We got into an immediate argument, because she kept denying it and I told her I can't be around someone who uses. She tells me she don't give a fuck, and I don't have to be around her, and she's not using. I know how hostile you can be when you're under the influence, so I'm not going to hold that against her.
But I know I just can't be around that and also I know that she's still grieving. I tried reaching out to her for a week straight and she did nothing but ignore me. And I'm very worried. I even just texted her to see my godson. And no reply which makes me even more worried. I love my best friend to death. But I don't want her to go down this hole. And I refuse to go down that hole with her because being around her could possibly make me relapse. But she's my best friend.
So I'm kind of in a hard situation. How can I be there for her and not relapse at the same time? Because it's very triggering to be around her in that state. And Jess, I know you may not have a straightforward answer because this is a lot and I'm sorry for even putting all this out there because the story is crazy, but I would love some advice. Well, sweetie, let me tell you, I got to break this down. This is a lot. I've never been an addict before and
However, I mean, if we're talking about weed and shrooms and, you know, things like that, then yes. But I did have many of them in my family. I know many of them. And I do understand. I understand what you're saying.
what your friend is going through and understand what you're going through. You know, I watched aunts and uncles and cousins go through that and some be pulled back into it after getting off the horse. And then some, you know, not wanting to be around the others, you know, who been pulled back in after both of them got clean and shit. I do understand. And I just want to say congratulations on your engagement. You know, I love that. Love, love, love that you had a complete 360 and yeah,
Also,
I love the fact that you were able to form a bond with somebody who was going through something so similar, you know, because then you guys can relate on that journey, you know. However, everybody is not going to be as strong as everybody else. You get what I'm saying? Like, everybody handles things differently. She lost her mom, you know. She was on the right path until she had another loss. I imagine that her and her mom were close or her mom was somebody that helped her probably out with her son.
Now you're off to a whole nother
turning point in your life, you know, you've pivoted in such a way where you don't want to go back. However, it is triggering for you. Then what you need to do is have your husband or your fiance be that shield for you. That's your best friend. And that's the mother of your God, baby. I wouldn't say give up on her. And I know you don't want to put yourself at risk into falling back into that hole. I do understand that. However,
You don't want your best friend to go back so deep into that hole, right? And while it's still early, it's so early, I still feel that there's a way that you can catch her. You know, you can pull her back about that shit. You understand what I'm saying? There was a reason that you two connected. There was a reason that you two actually became best friends. Whether it was trauma bonding, you know, from the drugs, behind the drugs, or whatever it was, there was a reason that you two met.
You get what I'm saying? And right now you're about to walk down the aisle. I do understand. I'm not asking you to take on burdens of other people. That's not what I'm asking you to do. I'm asking you to also bring in a professional, but you're the more familiar face.
And yeah, of course, she lashed out on you because in a way she feels like you're looking down on her. But this is all why she's high. You understand what I'm saying? And then, you know, even when she's sober, it's that guilt eating her up. But she's fucking grieving as well. And she's not grieving the loss of another friend. She's not grieving the loss of a, you know, a parrot or, you know, a parrot is a bird. Everybody like a parrot. You know, she's not grieving just the loss of some person. This is her mom.
You know, and I don't know if you know that pain. I don't even know that pain, but I know a lot of people that has that pain. And I understand. I understand. I cannot put myself in their shoes because I don't feel what they feel. But I can understand what it's like losing the person that birthed you, especially if your relationship wasn't on the house. It ain't have to be the best, but you only get one of them. You only get one freaking mom.
The whole reason that I exist other than God himself is gone. My mother, you understand what I'm saying? Hold up, hold up. I know this shit getting good, but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen.
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You talk to your husband. I mean, you talk to your soon to be husband. You talk to other people. Did you have any other people in your foundation? Like any other people that inspired you, that helped you along the way to stay clean? Like something else, somebody else. It's going to take a couple of people, but y'all got to get her out of that. Well, I don't want to say y'all got to get her out of that because then I'm actually putting a lot of pressure on you. That's your friend. You know what I'm saying? That's the mother of your God child. I don't care if it is you take your God baby.
You get what I'm saying? And send a professional in to help her. And then I also can already feel that you feel a sense of obligation as well. Cause y'all, y'all went through y'all journey together, kind of, sort of, you know what I mean? You met her in there, you met her in rehab, you know? So I just want you to have just a little bit more, you know, give her a lot, give her a little bit more grace, you know, try to help her, you know, if you can't do it, cause you can't do it alone. If you can't do it, even with support, then I understand, you know, at least you tried, but yeah,
If that were you, you get what I'm saying? And the tables were turned. You will want her to pull you up out of that shit. You know, you know that behavior all too well. You know, she don't mean nothing that she say that's out of pocket or that's mean. She just grieving. And then on top of that, she using is she guilty? You know what I'm saying? So just try to just try. Just try. But in order for you not to slip, you got to have your support system, too.
when you go help her if your husband i mean you know i keep saying husband i'm just so happy that you get married um if your fiance has to be with you when you go and a couple other people go go back to your rehab and tell snitch on her look she's back you know her mom just died
She's grieving. Who can go with me to her house? Yo, come on, man. We got to get her right. I can help take the baby or we can give the baby to like, you know, another close family member that she got somebody something. But I need to get my best friend together. That's your best friend. And I'm saying for a reason. Thank you for writing me. I'm happy that you did reach out. This is something that I do know all too well, because like I said, close friends and family.
On both sides of my family, you know, I've gone through this and then I grew up in West Baltimore City You know, so I've seen this from a child, you know what I'm saying as a child from a growing child I've seen shit like this, you know a lot of my friends that make it a lot of them did a lot of them went back to that shit a lot of them did not a lot of them stayed friends with each other a lot of them didn't because people do
People do evolve and some people don't. You get what I'm saying? So like, if you can make a difference, definitely make one. You will not regret it, you know, but don't.
Like you said, don't put yourself in the line of fire and you're strong enough to know that. And that's, I'm really proud of you for that. A lot of, you know, ex addicts, they're not even strong enough to realize when they can be triggered. You get what I'm saying? Because a lot of them haven't reached that point yet. But check back in with me, baby girl. I want to say I do love you. I even love your friend. You know what I'm saying? I ain't got to know y'all to love y'all. I'm a stranger from the outside looking in, but I do care about both of you women. And of course that baby.
You know, so just write me back. Let me know. Keep me posted. And just like that, we've come to yet another ending to Catherly Reckless episode with your girl, Just Hilarious. What I be doing? I be fixing the mess, y'all. That's what I be trying to do. Y'all be trying to do it. Even with this full-on belly, this baby growing up in here. Listen, y'all. I said I wanted to have a gender reveal, but I don't know. Like, I don't know. I'm just, I'm getting, the closer I'm getting to, like, my...
uh getting into my pregnancy like the deeper I'm getting into my pregnancy I'm like look listen that gender reveal shit is just something that has developed over social media that's for the internet and I don't give a fuck I want to know like of course Chris want to know that's my my boyfriend slash baby Zanny yeah he want to know but he's down with whatever I'm down with and like
My friends and my family gonna be so upset, but we got to look. I'm probably gonna go see right now. Like, yo, because we didn't have the email for two weeks, but it's just like, nigga, I want to know what the fuck I'm having.
I want to know what I'm having and I got to tell. I just, I can't. Like, I mean, I probably won't tell the world. I don't know, but I need to know. I just want to know. I've been manifesting a girl. I feel like a girl been baking up in here. And yeah, because listen, when I say I don't get fucked by none, I don't get fucked by none. That's real shit. You know, when I was pregnant with Ash, what I do remember, I don't remember a lot of things, like every little thing when I was pregnant with Ashton, but
I do remember being emotional and actually caring about every little thing. And like, I was trying to like, I don't know, like I just cared a little bit too much about everything and that like caused me to stress out. Like, nah, like, but I don't know if that's the difference in having a boy or a girl, but nigga, I just remember that being so vulnerable and so emotional when I was 19 and pregnant. Like, like anything, I could see two birds on the roof and just cry because I'm like,
I don't know. What nest did they come out of? Are they lost? I'm talking about everything. I would watch TV and cry. I care too much about actors. And I'm like, bitch, this is a scripted series. These are actors. What are you doing? Like, stop.
And then I would get bent out of shape about little situations that I would be in. And I'm like, how? What is going on? So I just really, really feel like this is it, girl. Because baby, you can't pay me to give two shits about shit going on today. I don't give a fuck. I'm talking about all these people coming at me. All these, like anything, from anything, you can't get me to give two shits about it. Like,
I am so fucking relaxed and chills and just happy and non give a fuck. Like I'm for real. I make fun of everything. I don't care. Like, I don't care. Shit. That's where I'd be sitting. Oh, you want to argue? You want to argue?
baby, argue with your damn self, I'm going to save price, save like two, three jokes, and get it the fuck moving, keep it moving, but I love you all, and make sure you tune in every Wednesday to my podcast, also get your tickets, April 27th, we got the second annual Black Effect Podcast Festival in Atlanta, Pullman Yards, get your tickets on Eventbrite, Charlamagne, shout this shit out every goddamn day, there will be me, Wilo, and Gilly, uh,
Lexandrea. We got a couple other people on the lineup, y'all. It'll be some panels. We got food trucks and vendors and all types of stuff. We got people with up-and-coming podcasts that will be there. So make sure you come and enjoy yourselves. I love you guys and in my deepest Pam voice, peace. ... ... ... ...
Carefully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I'm a good lawyer, and I want to win. I think I killed JT.
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