I Just Need A Hug
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Oh shit, we back on the air. Welcome back to yet another Catholique Reckless episode with your girl Jess Hilarious. What I be doing? I be fixing mess. Y'all know that. And that's why we gotta jump straight into it today. We got some voice notes. Y'all know I love when we give voice notes. Because then I ain't gotta read through people's errors and their essays and PDFs that they be sending and shit. So this is actually good. Also, I just want to throw in there, I don't mind...

I don't mind reading, okay? I just need for y'all to come punctual. Study literacy. I mean, I know a lot of y'all ain't been in school for a long time. I've been out of school since 2010, but it helps me get through your story much better. It helps me. It helps me. That's why I haven't read a lot of stories that's being sent to me because I can't make sense of all the run-on sentences and how y'all misspelling stuff and all that.

Now, I'm not saying nobody is uneducated. I'm just saying y'all be rushing and shit. Then y'all talk with slang and all that. I don't know how to decipher what y'all be talking about because a lot of y'all are not from Baltimore. So if it ain't Baltimore lingo, I don't understand it, y'all. However, I do love you guys. And then also I see a lot of people have been getting confused on where to send audio.

Because I haven't made the announcement in a while. Yes, you have to send your voice memos to the Carefully Reckless podcast page. Not Jessalarius Official. Not Reckless Discussions. Because this is not either of those. And not co-parenting therapy. I notice a lot of you guys send voice notes to co-parenting. That's for Rome and I. That's not for Carefully Reckless.

that doesn't cater to Carefully Reckless, unless you want it to be read on the Carefully Reckless podcast. But I'm under the impression when you guys send voice notes to co-parents and therapy page that you guys want Rome and I to help you with something, which we will be launching, relaunching another season where we actually sit down with people and talk with them and try to sort out their differences for co-parents. And OK, now let's jump straight in.

Okay, girl. This about to be long. Okay, so I met this guy when I was 12 years old. So, blah, blah, blah. We got in trouble together. You know how that first love type stuff goes. So, at 16, I had a baby. 17, I got pregnant. 17, my mom kicked me out of the house. We wound up leaving the area that we lived in and moved like three or four hours away. I was homeless. He went to jail for domestic violence. I didn't have anywhere to go.

So then I wound up getting back with him. I wound up getting my own place when I was 18. Well, I love the story. And he was very abusive the whole entire relationship. And then he wound up trapping me with five kids. I know people don't really talk about that. How men trap females with five kids. But I was so young. I was in the town where I really didn't know anybody. He had the home court advantage because we were in the town that his family was from. So yeah, he wound up.

Jesus Christ, honey. Yeah.

So he agrees to take my kids for the summer. And I appreciate that because, mind you, I've been knowing him since I was 12 years old. I thought I could trust him. So he was a good dad. He was a horrible boyfriend, but he wasn't a bad dad.

Oh my God. So...

I could never be with him again after that. And now, I know this sounds crazy, but now my kids are older. They're 16, 15, 10, 9, 8, and 6. So I just really want to

I just be feeling like I need help sometimes. There's nobody but myself. It's just only me and my children. I don't even be knowing where to start at. Some days I just be wanting somebody to pat me on the back and say, you know what, you're doing a good job. You're a good mother. I do also want a relationship and it's so hard looking for love, even friendships. I just want somebody and it's hard not having anybody. So I guess I don't even know if I'm asking a question or if I'm just venting because I don't,

It's hard trying to tell people that because when people see you with five kids, they instantly judge you and be like, oh, you have all these kids, you're deadbeat and you're dumb and da-da-da-da-da. And the man didn't want you the whole time. The man molested my daughter. But it's like a secret that I don't tell anybody and I really don't know what to do. And then I do want to be in a relationship and I do want love, but it's hard because I don't really trust anybody because of that. Well, that would definitely...

prompt you to have trust issues for the rest of your life? I don't know. And then it's like, if I do meet a guy, do I tell him that? Like, hey, yeah, this is why we're not together. So far, I've just been telling people we did because I don't really know what else to say. It's just hard. Sometimes I wish I had somebody. Even, like, family. I just really want to marry somebody with a big family. And I just feel like that'll never happen because I got five kids and I love my kids, but...

No, I understand. I totally understand. I don't even know where I'm at in this message because my kids, they steady knocking on the door bothering me. I never get no time to myself. I'm literally clumped up in the bathroom and they steady coming to me, bothering me, knocking on the door. Yeah, I understand. I'm just looking for love, looking for a family.

And I don't know how. I don't know how to look for friends. I don't know how to look for love. I just don't know. I just know I'm sad because I feel like I have nobody. Some days I just be wanting somebody to just give me a hug. It's crazy. I'm not about to sit up here and cry though. Because life is life. So just if you have any, I don't even know, not even advice, just some words of encouragement, that would be great.

And I really hope you get these. I know you're probably overwhelmed with messages. And even if you don't get it, I guess it felt good just to finally let all these things out because I've been holding it in for so many years. All right. Have a good day, Jessica.

I love that she addressed me calling me Jessica. A lot of people just call me Jess Hilarious, Jess with the mess, you know. I do love that, though. She also wrote a paragraph after submitting her voice note. It said, I'm just overwhelmed without a soul. I can't even cry because I got to remain strong for my kids. But it's hard some days. I just want to hug and it will be OK. It's hard. Sometimes I feel myself being a horrible parent because I can't pour love in my kids because I have none to pour.

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Well, listen, I'm going to start off by saying I love that you are open enough to go into every part of it, you know, with me because you could have very well, you know, held back. But as a result of holding back, people get depressed. People often turn to drugs and suicide and other things like that. What you've gone through is definitely traumatic.

especially for your baby girl. You understand what I'm saying? Now, I know that you were younger. I do know that you said you met him when you were 12. You got pregnant at 17. You had your first child at 18, if I'm remembering right. I think it was 16 or 17, but you had a baby before you were 20. And then you had five by the time you were 24. Did you not realize the first time that he went to jail for domestic violence, and I'm going to assume that it was

you know, a case with you. He went to jail for hitting on you, beating on you, of course, the first time. Why didn't you go the first time, babe? I know you were young. Yes, I know. But you are still old enough to realize this is not what a man is supposed to be doing. Now,

I have a lot of people that are going to be upset with me. Maybe even you are going to be upset with me, but let's just look at it for what it really is. Your mom kicked you out. You know, you were being grown. It is what it is. You know, you were being grown. You were living with your boyfriend at,

17. You have to look at this timeline. You know, you met him when you were 12. Then you're not even telling me how old he is. And if you did, I'm sorry. I didn't catch that. So I'm imagining that he's much older than you because he preyed on you. You know, a lot of men prey on younger women and a lot of older women prey on younger men. It's the same, you know, vice versa. And either are right. It doesn't make it better because it's a woman. It's not right. If a man can't do it, a woman should not either, you know? So yeah, he went to jail. You met him when you were 12.

Your parents kicked you out. You went to live with him a long way from home, obviously, because you said that you were in a town where you didn't even know anybody. He went to jail for beating, you know, for putting his hands on you. Domestic violence. You were pregnant. You had the first baby. Obviously, you know, you're not going to tell me that he ever stopped putting his hands on you. He never stopped putting his hands on you. Even when he came home from jail, he didn't. You mean to tell me as young as you were, you didn't realize that that was not a situation that a young woman should have to endure.

Do you really mean to tell me that? You know, because I feel I feel you, baby. I feel your empathy. I do. I do. And I sympathize with you for your child, mostly.

Because he molested his own daughter. Okay? So he belongs six feet fucking under. And I am very sorry to say that. He deserved a fucking electric chair. He deserves to go to jail, never come out. He deserves everything negative in life. He does not deserve to prosper at all. I don't care. I don't give a fuck what people say. Oh, people change. People change. You molested your child. You sent his children with him because you did point out that he was a great dad. He showed you that he was an ancient man.

But that never stopped him from being a good dad. And then you go on to tell me that your daughter went with him for a summer along with the other four kids that you two have together. And your daughter came back and you noticed that she was different. She was very different. That's sad. That's very, very sad. And then later you found out that she was molested.

Of course, you didn't see this coming. No mother in her right mind would send their child with a man, even with it being her biological father, if they had any inkling that he would touch her inappropriately in that way.

What did you do for her? That's what I want to know. When you found out, because you said you like to keep this a secret. That's the problem in these black families as well. I can't speak for any other race because I am not any other race. But a problem in black households is we sweep shit under the rug. We and we keep going as if shit never fucking happened. Like you hear these stories about.

You know, a child being raped by her uncles for years and years and the mother found out and just cut her brother off. She just cut the uncle off. She didn't take any type of legal action and they just swept it under the rug. And then you grow up, then the child grows up all promiscuous and shit or thinking that this is regular because there was never any action taken against her uncle. You know what I'm saying? What did you do? Did you call the police? Did you get them locked up? What did you do? And then what did you do for her?

You know, what did you do to really set an example to say this is not right? This is my baby. This is your child. You raped her. You got to pay for this shit. You understand what what legal action was taken? And then also, did you get her therapy? Do you talk to her? Is she allowed to open up about it around you? Because if you like to keep it a secret, I know damn well she ain't supposed to be saying nothing about it. You know, is that how you raised her after that? Like, look, we don't talk about this because that's wrong.

You know, she may have issues for the rest of her life because of this, you know. And listen, I understand you want love. You want friends. It's very hard being lonely. But with five children, you can't be lonely. I understand that your five children can't give you intimacy. They can't get. But that's going to have to be on a back burner until you really heal because you haven't healed yourself.

You have not healed. There's nothing wrong with having a person that you can talk to and stuff like that. All you got to do is get out. That's easy, finding somebody to just talk to. But you're trying to be in love. You want to get married. But that's going to take a lot of work, honey. Because there's been a lot of traumatic moments that led up

to you being damaged. You are damaged. Your daughter is damaged. And I don't know about the rest of your four beautiful children, but who's to say that he didn't do that in front of them? Who's to say that, you know, we just don't know. Okay? Because if you molest one child and you treat one child like shit or you put your hands on one child, the rest of them aren't exempt. You just have to assume that he's a danger to all of them. All of them are in danger around their fucking father. You understand what I'm saying?

How is the relationship between you and your kids? You said sometimes you feel like a horrible parent. Do you look at them and see him? Do you see them as a product of him and, you know, and you get disgusted with them? You know, because you need therapy. You need to heal tremendously before you make a decision to date somebody, baby. This is not just going to be a date. Now all my problems are gone away. No.

You have to connect with your children. Connect with them. Let them know what their father is. You need to let them know why you left their dad. You need to explain to them everything that you explained to me because that's all you got is your children. They ain't going to never leave you. They'll never, I'm telling you, they'll never leave you. Hold up, hold up. I know this shit getting good, but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen.

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State Farm Insurance also cares about the growth of black communities. They're actively investing in programs and initiatives that help provide financial literacy, give early career advice, and grow black-owned businesses, thus leading to generational wealth, which helps protect the future of our communities. We want to build a future that we all can be proud of.

State Farm understands that representation alone doesn't equate to authenticity. It also requires active sponsorship of programs like the AXO, a year-long program that recognizes and rewards high school students for their academic and cultural achievements, along with funding programs like Project Ready, a National Urban League program committed to educational achievement of black and brown youth that has awarded over $11 million in scholarship offers to date.

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Are you religious? Do you have, do you pray? You know, do you meditate? Yoga? What do you do? You know, what are you doing for a job? What do you do?

Um, in your free time, you know, do you not have one home girl? Are you close with your parents? Have you and your mom or dad, you know, reconvened since you left this man? You know, does he still contact you? I need to know. I need to know these things so I can tell you or advise you on how to move with your social life. But first you need to sit down and see somebody professionally, you and your babies. You need to do individual therapy, but you, you need a family therapist as well. That's what y'all need in that house.

I don't care if you don't think it's not going to work. It works. Therapy works and it helps people. It does help. We are living in the times right now. Mental health is trending. People want to fix themselves. We didn't even know we had help for mental health until just recently. But now we do. We have all types of resources that can help you. I feel so bad for you and your babies. Yes, I do. And it's the holidays now as well.

Hold your babies tight. Love on them. They are all you have. They are all you have. It still could be worse because you could not have them. You could have lost them. CPS could have took them right the fuck up out of there. You understand? You got your babies. All five of them. All of them. Teenagers all the way down to a six-year-old. Take your babies. Love on them. They're going to be your strength.

And you on return have to be theirs because they are still the children. They didn't ask to be here. You got to put that big mommy head on and you put your big girl panties on and you got to pray. You know, I'm not trying to force a religion on you. I am a Christian woman, God-fearing woman. Yes, but whoever you believe in, whatever you believe in, that's what you need to do. You understand what I'm saying? And I need an update because I want to know how you're doing. I want to know how you're doing.

Jesus Christ. Damn, that made me... Oh, man, that just made... That makes me feel so bad for this woman and her children, you know? And like she said, I don't even know if this is a question or not or if I'm venting. I don't know. Like, you know, she says she doesn't know what to do. I think she's doing both. She's venting while still in a place where she doesn't know what to do. She feels lonely, you know? And she doesn't think...

a man is going to want her after having five kids, let me tell you something, baby, it could be way worse for you in that dating pool with your, with your kids, you could have five different baby daddies, no shame to nobody else who does, you know, but I'm saying it could be that thing, because then a man, a man will look at a woman and say, damn, you got five kids by five different niggas, oh, no, I ain't fucking with this bitch, you know what I'm saying,

It goes the same way. My son's dad got five kids. It's certain women that will not mess with him because all five of his children don't belong to one woman. They belong to five different women, you know, myself included. So it's like it would be his preference if you do reveal that you got five kids and then they could be like, nah, but you know, all five of your children,

were produced early by one man. It doesn't make it better all around the board per se, but it makes it better. All of your children, they have the same last name, the same dad. It just makes it easier. I'm not saying it makes it better. I'm just saying it makes it easier for you to date.

When all five of your children belong to one man. But I don't think you should be worried about dating right now. And I understand how it feels to be alone and just want an intimate touch or that person that could tell you, I love you, pat you on the back. You need a hug. You go hug them babies until you meet someone that will give you a genuine hug and that will love you for you and love your babies as well.

But I think you should go get your daughter some help. And I think you should get help as well.

Don't make nothing a fucking secret because this shit is happening every day somewhere. So you're not the only person who went through this shit. Your baby is not the only person who was molested by her father. And then obviously with her being so young, what made her not tell you is he probably scared her into not telling you. You understand what I'm saying? Just think about every night she wanted to run away or she wanted to come the fuck home. She wanted to call the police. She wanted to kill her father. She don't understand why her. Why are you doing this to me? Think of her.

Think of how she was feeling the same way you were feeling when he was beating on your ass before you had four more children. Do you feel me? I'm not here to coddle you. I'm here to tell you you're stronger. You are a strong woman because you ain't on drugs. Not that I know of, but I'm going to go ahead and say you ain't on no drugs. You are strong. You didn't give those children away. You did not give them, you know, put them in foster care. You could have gave them up for adoption. You are strong. And that's how I know that you are strong enough.

You're strong enough to not give up right now because you want a man. You know, you want to marry somebody with a big family. All that shit will come. You have to get yourself together, you know, and your baby. So just check back in with me because I really want to follow up with you. Oh, my God. But we've come to the end of this episode because I don't even have time to read another story. We've come to yet the conclusion of another episode of Carefully Reckless with your girl, Jess.

my bad y'all I was eating a sandwich the rest of my the other half of my sandwich got cold and shit this story was so damn good I'm like damn man I mean not good in a sense where it's like it's entertainment I mean like this is some real life shit and I had to delve into it I had to stop biting on my sense I got a bacon egg and cheese on white toast with butter and jelly and that was cold you don't want to put no breakfast sandwich in a microwave

So, you know I love you, girl. You know I love you. And that's why I want you to update me on everything you got going on from here on out, you know? And it doesn't have to be an update for Carefully Reckless. You can just update me anyway, personally. You know what I'm saying? And if you don't want the updates to be on the podcast, they don't have to be. I just want to make sure you're okay. All right? And that is the end, you guys. I'll see you next week. Peace. Peace.

♪♪♪

Carefully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I think I killed JT.

She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronalde. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate.

The power of attorney. Always bet on Jags. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Gear up for outdoor adventures with the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder. This midsize SUV is designed for epic journeys, offering spacious seating for eight, available panoramic moonroof, and an available intelligent four-wheel drive feature with seven drive modes to take your off-road experience to new heights. Discover the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder at NissanUSA.com.

Intelligent all-wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. Towing capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Towing Guide and Owner's Manual for additional information. Always secure cargo. Most deals are barely worth mentioning.

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So grab a ladder and learn how to get that new phone on AT&T. AT&T connecting changes. Everything requires trade in of galaxy S note or Z series smartphone limited time offer 256 gigabytes for $0 additional fees, terms and restrictions apply. Zatt.com slash Samsung or visit an AT&T store for details.

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