It's Not Him, It's You!
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Welcome to Can't Believe Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. ♪♪♪

And just like that, we back on the air. Welcome back to yet another carefully reckless episode with your girl Jess Hilarious. I'm going to be jumping in, just fixing the mess. We got a voice note. Y'all know how I feel about voice notes, y'all. I love a voice memo.

One time voice notes went against me, though, when I was talking shit about April. Y'all remember that shit? I was talking shit about April DeMone's, and then she played that shit back when I was sitting in April Kitchen on live that day. Damn. Oh, my God. I can definitely laugh now, but that shit was so fucking intense and embarrassing. I was sweating on the inside. I hate that. So, y'all, stop sending voice notes unless you're sending them to me to fix your mess. All right, so here we go. We about to jump straight in.

Hey Jess, I've recorded a million voice notes and deleted all of them. I just want to try to keep this short and speed. First of all, I love you. So here it is. I've been dating this guy for nine months.

A little bit into our relationship, he told me that this girl that he had a one-night stand with before getting with me was pregnant. Then she went back to the island that she was from, and she was, like, I think he said, like, six months pregnant already. And that he... She had just called him and told him that he didn't want to lose me and stuff, but he wanted to tell me because he wanted to be honest. Like, um... And I appreciate the honesty. I am emotional, so I did cry about it. But...

I did get over it. Keep in mind, this man has four kids by four different women. This is all, well, she's the fourth one now, but when I

But when I first met him, it was just three kids by three different women. That, I already know, people could see as a red flag. I personally just was like, you know what? I don't want to judge somebody off their past. And we're Hispanic, and we're like two different kinds of Hispanics. But I was raised here, and he was raised on his island. And over there, everything is different. So...

I could see how with no guidance and stuff like that, like with the way they raised their kids over there, how he got into this mess where three kids by three different women. He has told me like he loves his kids. You know, he's a great father. He obviously lives here and his kids live in the island still with their moms, the three of them. But he always sends for what they need and stuff like that. Talks to them daily, stuff like that. You know, he does what he can.

It is a poor island, so he kind of doesn't want to go back. But he is working on getting visas for them to come visit and stuff like that. And even one to live with him. So fast forward to this new kid he has. She did, like I said, she was in her island. She came back from her island like two weeks ago. He's seen the baby once. And I was just with him. And he said that the baby is coming tomorrow.

his apartment and both his sons he has one son that lives here

I'm sorry for clarification because I didn't realize I just messed it up. He has two kids that live on the island. One that lives here with his mother and then the new baby. I don't know what to call it. Let's call it the baby, the new baby. She don't need no baby damn name, child. So he told me that tomorrow morning, because I was going to sleep over his place, but my sister wanted me to take her somewhere. So I was like, I'm going to leave. And he was like, that's fine because his kids are coming in the morning anyway. And I was like, kids? So they're both coming? He's like, yeah, he wants them to meet.

I don't know why that made me feel a certain way. I feel like... So, it's not about the kids. Honestly, the kids are brothers. They're going to need to meet. But it just stings me a little bit. Honestly, every time he mentions, like,

I think the problem is, is because I haven't met the kids, it doesn't always feel real that this man has kids, you know? And that's another one of my problems. Like, I haven't met the kids. I understand that two of them are on their island, so obviously I can't meet them right now. They on their island. I feel like I should be able to meet.

So the one that lives here, you feel like you should be able to meet that one. I understand. We've been together for nine months and I don't know how people feel, but I feel like that's enough time for me personally to meet someone's child. Especially if you're trying, if you're taking me serious, you're talking about we're in love, like we're going to get married one day, like stuff like that. I feel like

Okay, so let me meet your child. This is a part of you. This is a part of your blood. This is someone who has a piece, a huge piece of your heart. I can tell by the way he talks about him. So I should be able to meet him.

Is she on her way to class? She's zipping up book bags and shit? Anyways, back to my current mess that I want advice on. The kids are going to meet each other tomorrow. It's not about that. It's about the baby moms. He just got a new apartment. We didn't move in together. We were going to, but we were like, you know what? It's way too soon. I have a crazy home situation, so that's the reason we were going to. But we're like, it's too soon.

We're still getting to know each other. We love each other, but, you know, we're still getting to know each other. And we need time to miss each other, you know? You know? Stuff like that. Yeah, for sure. Especially after only nine months of dating. Honey, uh-uh. Don't do that.

I'm completely fine with that. Also, he wanted me to, he said, like, he wanted me to get to know his kid beforehand, like, so that his kid doesn't come to sleep over his place and just see, like, this random woman there that he doesn't know. He said he's never introduced another girlfriend besides, like, the kid's actual mother to his child, so it's new to his kid, you know? So he wanted to ease that onto him slowly, which I respected and I understood. So we don't live together, but we do have occasional sleepovers, and

It just kind of bothers me that these baby moms are going to his new place. Like, I don't know why. Like, I don't know why it bothers me. I feel like it's something weird. Like, I feel like that's a weird feeling. I shouldn't feel like that. Like, it's weird to feel like that. Like, these are his baby mothers. Obviously, they're going to be going. They're going to need to know his address, you know, to drop off the kid. I think, and then I'll let you finish. And by the way, this is pre-recorded.

I think you feel that way because what your relationship lacks. But let's see. I don't have a problem with the baby mother from the older kid. It's this new kid. I feel like, like me and him were even talking about it, that we feel like her plan was that she wanted to...

Go to her island, keep that pregnancy a secret until she couldn't get rid of that pregnancy in hopes that he'll be like, oh, yeah, like, you're having my kid. Let's try to be together. Family, stuff like that. Because she wanted to be more than a friend. He told me, like, he told me tonight that she did go to his other house when he lived with his mom a few times.

That she would just pull up on him and stuff and just, like, I guess keep him company when he was redoing the floors and things like that. That was weird to me. And I was like, did you have sex with her on this bed that we're

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Why?

Girl, not half these Dominican cheetahs out here. Every goddamn race got cheetahs in it. He's proven to me that he's different. I mean, at least that's what I get from everything. She doing her taxes. She doing a lot of shit. And these last nine months have been great with us. We've obviously had bumps and little arguments and stuff like that, but

You don't want to break up? Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

if he stops talking to somebody or like dating somebody he doesn't go back to them like he that's not the type of person he is he doesn't prefer that like if it ended it ended for a reason so there's no reason to double back so honestly i keep dying my head a lot so i'm just like you know like he won't go back like to help myself feel better basically but i don't know for sure like what

It's scary to me. My trust issues, even when he opens his phone, I'm like, dang, like he's probably texting another bitch. I don't know why I'd be feeling like he's just being sneaky, but then he always does things or says things, you know, and I'm just like, he's not even being sneaky. Like, for example, like I could be like, bro, he's literally texting another bitch right now. Then I see his phone and it's just his brother. Like I said, like, or it'll be just a friend.

And sometimes it will be a female and he'll see that I feel a certain way because I like I wear my emotions on my face. And he'll tell me like, oh, yeah, this is my friend. Like she lives up here. Like we know each other for this long. He'll explain it to me because he sees that I'm overthinking. I overthink everything. I stress about everything. And I just want to like I feel like I can trust him.

Girl, please. Yeah.

You know, all he wants is me. And look, I ain't laughing. You know, because it's about prayer. Because, you know, a sister prays. I'm a God-fearing woman and I pray every day. But baby, as much as I love to pray. Let me just let you finish. Girl. But I don't know.

Right, so you got what you want. What's your problem? Yeah.

Girl. Right. Mm-hmm. So, yeah. Do you... Just in conclusion, to end this up, like...

Do you think that I am tweaking over this whole baby mom situation? Do you think that I need to learn to just release and believe in or should I be nervous? Like, do you think she's going to try to be sneaky? Hold up, hold up. I know this shit getting good, but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. Here's a little secret. Most smartphone deals aren't that exciting. To be honest, they're barely worth mentioning. But then there's AT&T and their best deals.

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State Farm Insurance also cares about the growth of black communities. They're actively investing in programs and initiatives that help provide financial literacy, give early career advice, and grow black-owned businesses, thus leading to generational wealth, which helps protect the future of our communities. We want to build a future that we all can be proud of.

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She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronalde. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate.

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Also to add, another thing that irks my soul, like that, like,

gets me overthinking is the fact that so we work third shift right and sometimes we'll get home at six in the morning and I see a notification pop up from the new baby mom and I'm like like y'all are texting at this time yeah six in the morning yeah we're talking about the baby or stuff like that or she's sending me pictures or six o'clock in the morning like he'll tell me like we're just talking because he always tells me like he makes his baby moms his friends like he doesn't see a reason to have them as like enemies

or anything like that. Rightfully so. You know, they're just friends and co-parents. Which is good. So, that's another thing that I'd just be like, okay, maybe it's like that. But I don't know. It doesn't sit right to me. Like, why you want to be buddy-buddy with your baby mother? Because you can. Why? First of all, why is it a stigma put on the relationships between...

between baby mother and baby father after the intimacy is gone? Why do I have to beef with my baby father? Why do I have to beef with my baby mother just so you can feel secure in a relationship? That's a general question, but this is one more thing she had to say, then I'm going to get into her mess. But he does give me the impression that he doesn't have no desire to be with them, but I don't know if it's just a poker face. I don't know how to feel.

Okay, so baby girl, you are everywhere with it. When I say everywhere, I mean you here, there, up, down, backwards, sideways, all of that. You up and down the freeway with this, all right? A man does not have to beef with the mothers of his kids or the mother of his child or children, speaking more so in general, and to your situation. Like I said, I think it's just been a stigma. I've had...

had a few involvements myself where the guy did not like how close I was with my son's dad. Me and my son's dad are not attracted to each other, not by far, like in no way, shape or form. You know, that's why we're able to do business together. That's why we're able to talk to each other about any and everything, because there's no more feelings there. I love him. He loves me, but that's all we do is co-parent. We're more like

siblings, if you will. I know that's weird and that's just inappropriate to say or to take in, but that's what it is. I'm just trying to describe how much we don't fuck with each other like that on that intimate level. You know what I mean? And that may be the reason why me and my son's dad, who also has four other children's moms, are the closest of us all, of them all. He's the closest with me. Now, you said you don't have a problem with the first baby mom. Okay. And

that seems to be because they probably don't deal with each other at all. But I don't even think the issue is with him. I think the issue is with whoever the fuck did a number on you before you got with this man. Because, ugh,

The good thing about it is you're aware, you know, you know, I'm not going to say you're fucked up, but you are insecure. Your last relationship or last relationships, or it could even be something stemming from your childhood. Who knows? You know yourself better than I do, but I know you need to know that you are insecure and you could be running this man away. You could be pushing this man away. Now, this is just one perspective to look at it from.

All right, because you said you insinuate certain things and then you go do your research and you realize that it's nothing. Has he ever done anything, anything to make you feel like he would cheat on you with one of his children's moms or or cheat on you with another woman, period? Or, you know, well, I'll just keep it subjected to baby moms because you never brought up another woman. So my apologies. This is only about his kids, moms. OK.

Has he ever done anything? Have you ever actually caught him doing anything? Have you ever? Because it honestly just sounds like he gives you his word and you have to take it. But because you're so fucked up from your last relationship,

You still don't take it. You don't trust them. And do you turn around and say you can trust them, but then say you just want to be able to trust them fully? You don't need to be in a relationship. You're not even over what happened to you in the past. Not saying you're not over the last man. You're not over what happened to you. You're not. And you're throwing it off on him. Everything that you, because this is called baggage.

You're throwing your baggage on to him. And he already got four kids with four different baby moms. Two of them live on an island. One of them live in America. The other one live in Antarctica. Girl, you know, it's a lot going on. All right. But you been dating this man for nine months and you never met his kids. Now that is a red flag for me. If I'm dating you for nine months exclusively. Yes. I expect him to have met your children by now. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Even back when I was dating Wayne.

We were both, our schedules were busy, but I was going to meet his kids. I was supposed to meet his kids a few times, you know, but our schedules were, we both toured and everything like that. And we were the only, me and Wayne only made it to four months, but I was going to meet his kids after the second month, you know, and whether the moms liked it or not, their dad is still their parent and still had half of say so. And, you know, when they are in his care. So, yeah.

I don't understand why you're not invited when his kids are there or why you're not welcome when the kids are there. I don't understand why, why. Now, that's just one perspective. Your insecurities, all right? You tripping and shit. Now we got a commercial, and if you click off this podcast, I swear I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen.

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You can take your favorite toys while adventuring on new terrains. Seize the thrill and start exploring with the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder today. Head over to NissanUSA.com to learn more. Intelligent all-wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. Towing capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Towing Guide and Owner's Manual for additional information. Always secure cargo.

State Farm Insurance gets it. Representation alone doesn't equate to authenticity. State Farm understands and wants to help protect our communities by investing in our future, building off the hard work our parents have done before us. We all are looking to create generational wealth so that our families and generations behind us have a better starting point than we did. That begins with financial literacy.

State Farm helps fund programs like Project Ready, a National Urban League program committed to the educational achievement of Black and Brown youth.

To date, participants have been awarded over $11 million in scholarships offers as a direct result of contributions from State Farm. At Eating While Broke, we hear inspiring rags to riches stories on each episode from our guests. But with State Farm, you can begin to write your own success story. State Farm believes that being better neighbors creates better communities and have a long lasting impact. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I'm a savage. I think I killed Jesus.

I'm not going to stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on Jax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu.

The fall season. We don't have to let it happen yet. Because summer doesn't stop in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. You can still get out and enjoy 60 miles of beaches, eat in the South's newest foodie haven with over 2,000 restaurants, and have endless fun at hundreds of attractions. Hold on to that sweet summer feeling a little longer at the beach. Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Plan your trip at visitmyrtlebeach.com. That's visitmyrtlebeach.com.

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Now another perspective,

is he could be dealing with the baby mother. He could be dealing with the last one. You know, the baby is fairly new, you know? And regardless of what a man says, sometimes their actions don't line up all the time. Not every man, but a lot of men, not just men, women, every, you know, it's just very humanistic to lie or to tell somebody a lie just to get what you want or to keep commotion down, to stay on an even keel. People lie for different reasons.

To me, for a little bit, it sounded like you wasn't his girlfriend. It don't sound like you're his girlfriend. All this, all my living situation, we were going to move together, but we didn't because we realized that we, you know, we only been dead still too early. And my situation was bad, but, you know, that's why we didn't move together because it's too early. And then I haven't met his kids. And, you know, we don't stay, I don't stay over there all the time, but we'll have sleepovers. It sounds like...

You just dealing with somebody that you talk to. It just sounds like you're involved with someone. You know how you got, you know, like y'all just talking. You know, you're one of not many. I wouldn't say one of many, but it just sounds like you're one of the girls that he talks to. You know, I'm not sure of...

how to advise you on whether to stay or not, because it just doesn't seem like a real relationship. And you even said it yourself. It doesn't feel real. I haven't met the kids. I don't, you know, it's just, I shouldn't feel these ways that I feel about the baby mom because it's the kids, but then it's not the kids. It's the big moms. And it's, girl, you shouldn't date them because it doesn't sound like you trust them. And it doesn't sound like

You're going to be trusting them anytime soon if y'all do stay together or, you know, stay pursuing one another. You got a lot of work to do to yourself with yourself.

You have to start your healing process. Now, you'll never be fully healed because trauma happens to people every day. Trauma happens, you know, not every day to one specific person, but things happen. People grow. People grow out of shit. People grow into shit. And healing is a lifetime. Healing is a lifelong process because once you get healed for something else, something else, you got to heal something else. You got to heal. If everybody was completely healed, that's a perfect person. We don't have those.

So I think you should start your healing process by just being this guy's friend. Date him. Cool. Still have sex, whatever, you know, but don't get into a relationship. Don't call him your boyfriend. Don't. I think, like I said, yeah, let that little baby grow up. Let's see how that play out. The new baby, as you call the baby, the beautiful baby, I'm sure.

the new baby. Let's see how that plays out because you can't control how the woman feels and what she thinks and you can't control her getting over him. But if he says he's over her and never gave you any inclination of anything else or made you insinuate that they were doing things, then I think that you just have to take his word, but you're still not satisfied with that. So that's just recipe for toxicity. You're staying in a relationship knowing

that you're the problem. I'm letting you know you're the problem. But I do love you and I want you to check back in with me. Girl, you took up all the goddamn space for the episode. But it's alright because I love helping people. That's what I do. Also, tune into Breakfast Club, y'all. I need for y'all to cast in y'all votes for Just Hilarious to become the third official co-host by the end of this year, y'all. I want y'all to go ahead and spam everybody comments. DJ Envy. DJ Envy! And yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.

Charlamagne Tha God, he do that shit. That shit, every time he do that shit at the top of the Breakfast Club episode. We're also on BET. You know what I'm saying? We are speaking those things into existence as if they were already. You know how that go. That's what the good Lord said, do some doing that. And each and every Wednesday, you can catch my podcast, Carefully Reckless, anywhere you get your podcast. That's iHeart, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, anywhere. And in my deepest pan voice, peace. See you next week.

Carefully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I think I killed JT.

She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronalde. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop.

I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Gear up for outdoor adventures with the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder. This midsize SUV is designed for epic journeys. Offering spacious seating for eight, available panoramic moonroof,

and an available intelligent four-wheel drive feature with seven drive modes to take your off-road experience to new heights. Discover the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder at NissanUSA.com. Intelligent all-wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. Towing capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Towing Guide and Owner's Manual for additional information. Always secure cargo.

Most deals are barely worth mentioning. But then there's AT&T's best deal on the new Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 6 featuring FlexCam with Galaxy AI. You can get it on them when you trade in your eligible smartphone any year, any condition. It's a deal so good you'll be shouting,

So grab a ladder and learn how to get that new phone on AT&T. AT&T connecting changes. Everything requires trade in of galaxy S note or Z series smartphone limited time offer 256 gigabytes for $0 additional fees, terms and restrictions apply. Zatt.com slash Samsung or visit an AT&T store for details.

The fall is creeping up on us, but we don't have to give in just yet because summer doesn't stop in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. You can still get out and enjoy 60 miles of beaches, eat in the South's newest foodie haven with over 2,000 restaurants, and have endless fun at hundreds of attractions. Hold on to that sweet summer feeling a little longer at the beach. Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Plan your trip at visitmyrtlebeach.com. That's visitmyrtlebeach.com.

MITRE is investing in a massive AI supercomputer to power a new federal AI sandbox. With AI's potential to drive transformational advances across industries, MITRE's expertise in healthcare, cybersecurity, transportation, finance, climate, and national security will be critical. Transform your career while helping solve problems for a safer world. Visit MITRE.org slash careers. That's M-I-T-R-E dot org slash careers.