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Shownotes Transcript
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And just like that, we back on the air. Welcome back to another episode of Carefully Reckless with your girl, Jess Hilarious. Now, Mother's Day just passed, and I want to take the time to say happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there and even the ones who are not with us anymore. And it's rather ironic that I'm paying homage to moms because I want to dedicate this episode to women and how we need to be cherished.
whether you're black, Asian, Hispanic, white, whatever. This is about women in general and how we need to be cherished and not taken advantage of. So I'm going to tell you a story. Now this story time is kind of different because this was a story that one of my fans told me in Columbia, South Carolina, where I just played the comedy house. And it's juicy. So grab your tea and your halls because it's story time.
Now, she told me I can say her name, but I'm not going to say her name because I had the pleasure of meeting her in person and the pleasure of seeing her get teary eyed, cried real tears telling me this story. But it all ended beautifully. I just want you to know that. Years and years ago, she met this guy. She said everything was great. Now, it's been said before, when you meet somebody and it's perfect, that's not the person that you're dating.
The person that you're dating is the person that come out after the probation period, after the 90 days. Maybe it's even longer than that, that they can keep the act up of the representative. You actually fall in love with the person that they show you that they are the first three to four months, right?
That's their representative. Then out comes the real them, you know, or however long it may take. Everything was perfect. She said three years down the line, they got a baby now. Okay. After the baby is when everything went south. And she told me she don't think it went south because of the baby. It just went south period because he loves this child, loves this child all over his child to this day. You know what I'm saying? To this day.
He's a great father. So it wasn't about the child at all, let me tell you. She said the intimacy stopped. The compliments stopped.
gifts for holidays stopped. I said, did he become a Jehovah's witness? She said, no, everything just kind of stopped. Now he didn't become a bum. He kept working, always had a job, always had a shit together. You know what I'm saying? Car, all of that, you know, they, they bought a house together when they first met, they lived separately. They bought a house together. They both worked great jobs. They were doing good individually, individually, but together they
They started falling. He wasn't making her laugh no more. He was less charming. He didn't really want to touch her. Sex didn't last that long. All of that. So she immediately thought that he was cheating. She suspected it. It never came out that he was. Of course, you do the going through the phone thing. She never found anything. Did the snooping shit. Never found anything. So she was led to believe he was not cheating because she could not prove it.
So she let that go. Fast forward three more years later. This is six years they've been together now. Three good years and three trying years.
So she say by this time, it wasn't even I love yous and I miss yous or you look beautiful. It was none of that. She had to say it first. That was the only way he was going to say I love you or I miss you is if he was putting two on the end of it because she said it first. So we all know how that feels. She also expressed to me that she was feeling unappreciated. She was being taken for granted. Like she was just there. After a while, she said it felt like being with a roommate.
They were just roommates. It came down to no sex. Her seventh year, her family had to get together. Now, he was always involved with her family and he still went to outings with her. They just didn't interact behind closed doors at home. They were just like two mad homegirls who lived together, never talked, didn't mingle, didn't watch TV together. I'm talking about nothing. She said he would cook food.
wouldn't make her plate. He would cook because he can cook. He would cook, wouldn't make a plate. She would have to go and make her own plate. He would not sit down and eat with her like boyfriend and girlfriend, like a family. They didn't. They wouldn't do that anymore. He just started doing things by his lonesome.
They're at the family get together. One of her cousins got proposed to not too long before the get together. So all the couples, of course, started talking about marriage and everything. And the cousin asked him, hey, Dom, when you going to marry my cousin? Y'all see babies, more babies in the future, any wedding bells? She said he shrugged his shoulders and threw his hands up. I am.
Excuse the fuck I asked you a question. Whether it's I don't see wedding bells, whether it's yes, of course, I'm going to get married. Nigga, you could have lied to paint the picture instead of embarrassing her. Miss them in D.C. You know what I'm saying? Just lie a little bit. Be like, oh, she already baby. Don't do you already know when we get married or something, even if you have to play.
Like that just to save her the embarrassment. You already ain't there mentally. She been feeling it for four years now. She knew in that moment that was it for her. She told me that was the last night she ever wanted to be with him. That was the last night she ever wanted to pull up to the same house with him. That was the last time she ever wanted to be with that man. Period.
She left him that night. That was two years ago. To this day, he is trying to get her back. She ain't trying to go back. She was weak at first. She even told me she went back before not knowing what our worth was. And then she had to leave again because he was good.
But when she came back, it was like he was scared of losing her, but he didn't want to be with her while he was there. That was kind of crazy. Now, I know a lot of women are going through that shit right now. Hold up, hold up. I know this shit getting good, but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. Here's a little secret. Most smartphone deals aren't that exciting. To be honest, they're barely worth mentioning. But then there's AT&T and their best deals.
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That brings me to the Catholic reckless discussion. A lot of women are going through that shit. I know it right now. If you're listening, I know you're going through it. I've been through it, you know, where you feel unappreciated. And most of the time, you know, your worth, you just don't enforce it. Because for one, a lot of us have bigger hearts than we know. Our heart is big. We don't want to leave someone. We don't. It's a lot of reasons why you stay complacent.
and why your relationship is stagnant and it starts to go downhill. Because a lot of people feel like as they get up in age, they don't want to start over. A lot of people, they get to the point where I don't want to start over. I got a family member going through a divorce. She was married for 30-something more years. She's in her 50s. I said, Auntie, why it take you so long to divorce him if you knew he was cheating on you all this time? Like, she said, yo, for real, boo-boo, because they call me boo-boo. She said, boo-boo, for real, I just didn't want to start over.
Who the hell out here is really looking for a 50 year old?
I said, "Maybe other 50 year olds, I don't know." Shit, you can find you a good 35 year old if you're lucky. Shit, the novelty done wore off on our young asses. Don't nobody want no little young stupid little hoe no more. Shit, guys need y'all. Real men are looking for y'all. You know, young niggas are looking for y'all. 'Cause the young bitches ain't doing it no more. All the young bitches is about is some money, poppin' pussy, and that's it. According to the internet, that's all young bitches be about. We need those seasoned, real women. We need those women that know how to treat men.
And my aunt was a damn good wife to her husband. You know what I mean? Sometimes you grow past a certain point and your companion doesn't. Now listen, this topic is not only for relationships. That was just an example. That was story time. You may be even going through this shit with a family member. Like I had a lot of family members who,
who I've done shit for, you know? I wasn't appreciated. I've done shit, I've done shit, I've done shit for them. I'm talking about in the midnight hour, you call me, you know, I'm listening. I may be asleep, but I'm up listening. You're my cousin. You're going through some shit. Talk to me. What's up? And then when I need the same thing back from you,
you ain't nowhere to be found or you just think I got it all together because I'm just what the fuck you mean I'm another human being I'm just a public figure you know I'm just a celebrity you know or I'm famous so oh no she got it all together she got money she good listen I've been there and even in relationships
Where niggas have gotten too comfortable. And no, it's not all about cheating all the time. Sometimes a guy just really may mentally be fucked up. Or he may mentally check out. Like in story time. Her man she was with for seven years, Dom. That nigga checked out mentally, obviously. Now she said she never found no traces of cheating. Either that nigga was good at covering his steps. Or he just really...
didn't want to be there anymore. He didn't have a desire to be with another woman because he would have left her. Instead, she had to leave him. And he'd been trying to get her back ever since. You never know what you got till it's gone. And that is cliche, but you really got to listen to it. You can do everything right for a man, everything right for a friend, everything right for a family member. You know what I'm saying?
You can cook. You can clean for your man. Make sure he come home to dinner on the table. I'm talking about where he lack, you pick it up. Because everybody not up. They're supposed to be ups and downs in a relationship. Everything is not supposed to always be good. Not even with celebrities. It's not. Trust me, it's not. And we've seen some celebrity relationships fall. Ain't nobody perfect. That's why I say in my mind, nobody should be fucking goals for nobody. Because we don't know what nobody is going through. Everybody's dealing with something. Trust me.
Relationships are meant for trial and tribulation. It's all about the battle. Can y'all come together and battle so y'all can win a victory? Do you feel me? So y'all can bounce back and be stronger and be best friends.
That family member that's keeping a hold on you, riding your coattail, draining you and all of that shit. But don't put your hand out to them because they ain't going to have nothing for you. That shit, man. It may not even be money, whether you're just there for them to vent to you all the time. But when you got a vent, they don't want to listen to you or they too busy or I can't help you because you know what I'm saying? But you're going to need me again. Your friends, friends, certain friends use different friends for different shit.
And I've always thought that was wrong, but it's situational. You never know. You got different friends for different shit, but you are never to treat a friend bad. Always treat a friend like you want them to treat you. You feel me? I've lost a lot of friends being there, but in return, I get shit. If you are feeling unappreciated and you doing so much wrong,
For motherfuckers that won't do nothing for you. You got to move on. Like my girl from story time. You move on. Now, it took us seven years, but she eventually gained back that respect and dignity within herself, got the fuck up and left. And here's another thing. You can't expect for people to think like you think.
Understand what I'm saying? You may be the most generous fucking person. You may be the most sweetest person. Give your last dime to somebody. Give somebody the shirt off your back. Don't think for one second that somebody else will do that just because you've known them for years, just because you've been with them for years, just because you are related to them. Yeah, y'all got the same blood, but probably not the same characteristics.
Not the same trait, not the same personality, but the same blood. Do you understand what I'm saying? Yeah, you lay down with this nigga every night, but trust and believe he may not still be thinking like you're thinking. Do not depend on him to think like you think until he proves you wrong, until he proves otherwise.
With your friend. Y'all been friends for 20 something years. Still don't think in your mind that she's going to do each and everything that you do for her for you. It ain't going to happen. That's why you have to go in knowing your worth. That's why you have to go in knowing who you are. That's why you have to go in loving yourself. Learning not how to give so much and take so little back. You're going to wear yourself thin. Keep trying to be superwoman for everybody, ladies.
It's not going to happen. Now, I know this goes both ways because there are men being used up as well. But right now, I'm dedicating this to my women. Happy belated Mother's Day. Now, I was in a situation where a guy got comfortable. He was living with me. He got super comfortable. When I met him, he had a job. Everything was great. Everything was great. Oh, my God. I started making good money. I started being on TV. Oh, we quit his job. Oh, yeah. This is what I'm doing. I'm about to reap these benefits. You know what I'm saying? You get comfortable.
You get comfortable, you get complacent and your relationship goes stagnant and you go nowhere and you're growing. You're growing spiritually. You're growing mentally. You're growing the fuck up. I'm talking about financially even bitch. You trying to boss up. And then you got this person who's not this person who just sitting in the corner watching you expecting for you to break a piece of your growth and give it to them. Expecting that.
Women, we are too good. Our hearts are so big. We take so much shit and yet nobody checks on us. Yet nobody says, you know what? I'm sorry. Let me get you some flowers. Yet nobody says, you know what? Let me cook for you. Let me take you out. Let me just call you and see how your day been. Let me just tell you you're beautiful. If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back.
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And that brings me to just fix my mess. Now, of course, y'all know I always turn to y'all online with my Twitter, my Facebook and Instagram. And I ask y'all so y'all can share your experiences with me about the topics in which we discuss during Carefully Reckless. So I said, have you ever felt unappreciated like you try hard and you still get nothing? You know your worth, but you don't enforce it. Therefore, you stay. Why? Tell me about it. I'm a read off a couple.
Pan Marie Q says, everything I do ain't good enough for my mom. I try so hard, but she don't see it. She act like I won't run away, but I don't got no car, so I gotta stay. Hey, yo, stop playing with me, y'all. Like, stop. Hey, yo, stop playing, Pan Marie. Like, for real, yo. Take your little ass in the house. That's it. You ain't running away. Yo, y'all crazy.
Yetta underscore Mo says, yes, I actually recently reflected on why I'm not big on holidays slash birthdays. And it's because I've never been celebrated, but I often celebrate others. That's the shit I'm talking about. That's the shit I'm talking about. Now, I'm not telling you to change who you are.
Because you shouldn't let somebody else's behavior define you as a person. If you are celebratory of others, still be that way. But require the motherfuckers to reciprocate it. Do you understand? Or you might have to fall back a little bit. Start celebrating motherfuckers who celebrate you.
That's what that is. Because if it's genuine love between you two, it's automatically going to be reciprocated because that person is going to feel an obligation, not a favor. Underscore. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why me? I feel for me personally, it's the starting over falling again part that I'm afraid of not being alone or letting go, but having to start all over. So I stay and I try my best to make it work, but it usually doesn't.
Well, it sounds like you've done this more than once, baby. And maybe that's why your Instagram name is why, why, why, why, why me?
Because you done did that for every why you got. So that's five whys in your name. You done did this shit five times, I feel. And I know a lot of y'all probably laughing and shit, but no, I see a message and everything. And baby, that's your name. That's a cry for help. Your Instagram handle is a cry for help. Why me? Because you keep attracting the same thing. And you know why? Because that's something within you you need to figure out.
You need to learn your worth. You don't know it or you wouldn't be asking why, why, why me? And you wouldn't keep on getting in these same situations. It's only going to keep happening to you if you keep repeating the cycle. You are the exact example of giving more than you get. Giving yourself, your whole self and nothing but yourself. And people don't reciprocate that to you. And you don't require them to either. So that's why, why, why, why it keeps happening to you.
I underscore can underscore only underscore be underscore Tiff says my reason is because you care about that person so much and you hope they'll see you trying and match you or because you care about them so much that you actually want to do for them despite them not reciprocating the same.
Mostly it's out of love and or genuine care. We can't help the fact that some of us are built different with a heart to care, nurture and provide. We get hurt the most too. And yes, you are right because I was one of those people before. You are absolutely right. I was one of them. So I know, but I realized after letting it happen to me, not once, but twice, it ain't going to be a third time. And I want to reflect on what you say. You said, okay,
We can't help the fact that some of us are built different with the heart to care, nurture and provide. Yes, you can help that. I'm not saying you have to be different, but you can help that. You can because you don't have to do it for everybody. You don't have to do it so much. If you know you keep getting the shitty end of the stick, stop playing with that stick. You got to find a good stick where the ends don't get shitty. Do you understand what I'm saying? All right.
Now this is a long one, but this is the last one I'm going to read. And this is one I want to spend the most time on. La Unica Sente says,
Girl, yes. My husband and I have been together for 11 years and a lot has happened. He lost both of his parents. So I said, OK, he needs me. I'm a build him up so he can return the favor and build me. But the grief was too much. He started drinking real bad and I left just for him to call me crying, begging me for abortion money because he got some random bitch pregnant. When I left him, he had a good job and a car just drinking real bad.
Child, when he called me begging for that abortion money, my heart broke. Not because of the pregnancy, but because I had never seen him at such a low point. All his utilities was off. He lost his job and car like he morphed into a fucking bum. Then here go my captain save a whole ass. Tell him I'd help him get back on his feet. Did not give him the abortion money, though, because that's what you get.
In the process of helping him get back on his feet, I fell back in love with him. Now my baby is one year sober and we still striving for greatness. I know, dot, dot, dot, I'm a dumb bitch. His dumb bitch. First of all, how the fuck? Wait a minute, wait a minute. Skrrt.
Because I didn't read the end of that. I read the beginning of it and I said, okay, this is what I'm going to use. This is pretty good. First of all, it's a couple of things I want to say. You said his utilities was off, but his dick wasn't off because he damn sure made a baby. Okay. A baby he didn't want, but he made one. And I get it. You're going through shit. A lot of times people can use their issues to play on people. They use that for manipulation to get what they need from others.
Now, that's not what happened in her case because she said her baby has been sober for one year. And I love it. I love it. I love the end. But I want to get back to you what you said. I know I'm a dumb bitch. His dumb bitch. How are you dumb? That's what I want you to think about it. Listen, you're not dumb. You left.
When you seen there was a situation that you just couldn't be a part of anymore. He called you. He didn't call nobody else. He called you, obviously, because you meant that much to him. And he saw more than just a lover. And you obviously saw a friend because any nigga that I'm with, when I leave, he called me for money for my fucking abortion for another bitch.
I don't even need to finish the sentence because I know, let me get an amen. Let the church say amen.
Because what the hell? You're better than me. Let's just say that. But obviously, you know him better and he's not the average manipulator. He's not the average person who does this shit. He's not the average user. He loves you. He loved you enough to accept your help. You were feeling unappreciated for a while. He was going through some shit and you helped him while he was on his last leg. And now he appreciates you. And the end said no.
And we still striving for greatness. And I love that. Don't you ever in your life call yourself a dumb bitch for helping the man that you have always loved just because he left you and made a baby that he asked you to help him financially abort.
And I know that sounds a little crazy. I was, I know it, I know it did. And it still does to me, but things work out differently for different people. And that's all that is. And I'm an end dad on that. I love you very much, sweetheart. So listen, ladies, if no one has ever told you, no one, I'm talking about no, if no one ever tells you, if your man ain't tell you in a long time, if your friends don't tell you, if your friends don't check on you, you know, I want to know how you doing. Are you okay? You know, I love you.
I miss you. I don't even know you. Just listen to these words. Close your eyes and listen to these words. You are beautiful. You are enough. And if you keep on letting them walk all over you,
Or not walk at all. If you keep doing all the walking, you need to walk the fuck on and not look back. Because if you ain't trying to walk with me, then that means you behind me. And I don't need you to be behind me. You can't appreciate me behind me. You need to be beside me. You need to love me. As my family member, you need to love me. You need to give me the respect I give you because at the end of the day, all we have is family. And some people don't even got that.
some people look more for loving friends than their fucking family because they don't have that family dynamic so be that friend that you want me to be for you or I ain't gonna be your damn friend no more and trust me with the love I give you you gonna miss it and you gonna need me before I need you and I know y'all have said that to somebody and I know y'all feel that burning down in your soul because for real there's motherfuckers out here that you done cut off that still probably calls you because they need you but
But when you needed them, they weren't there. That's why they're cut off. And if they're not, cut they ass off. And on that note, I love all my beautiful ladies. Happy belated Mother's Day to my mothers. I love you guys. And I know y'all love me back. Make sure y'all tune in every Wednesday on Hump Day for Carefully Reckless. And just like that, peace.
Carefully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I'm a savage. I think I killed JT.
She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronaldi. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not going.
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But then there's AT&T's best deal on the new Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 6, featuring FlexCam with Galaxy AI. You can get it on them when you trade in your eligible smartphone any year, any condition. It's a deal so good you'll be shouting!
So grab a ladder and learn how to get that new phone on AT&T. AT&T connecting changes. Everything requires trade in of galaxy S note or Z series smartphone limited time offer 256 gigabytes for $0 additional fees, terms and restrictions apply. Zatt.com slash Samsung or visit an AT&T store for details.