Love Triangle
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Welcome to Can't Believe Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect.

And just like that, we're back with yet another Caffley Reckless episode with your girl, Jess Hilarious. Listen, Jess fixed my mess. I'm going to jump straight into it. We don't have any voice memos today. I find when I do the voice memos, one person takes up the whole episode. I'm not going to stop doing them, but I'm going to do them every other week because I want to give more people a chance to get their stories out there.

But the lengthy ones I will do every other week. And listen, don't let that discourage you from sending your voice memos. If you want me to hear your voice, if you rather talk about it than write about it or type about it, then you can certainly do it. Just know it may take a few weeks for you to hear yours because I'm only going to do the voice notes every other week.

Okay, this woman sent in her story. First one. Jess, I pray this DM finds you. You are one of the ones I respect because you keep it so real. Please fix my friend of 20 years mess. Okay, I'm gonna make it quick. But you're about to be like shit.

Okay. My best friend been married for 11 years with a boyfriend of nine years who was married to his wife over 15 years. Hold up, bitch. What? Wait a minute. Let me, let me slow this shit down. Cause for one, why you ain't put no goddamn punctuation points in here. It's just one big long run on sentence. Shit. And then you can write it in all caps. Like it's really, really that good. If it's all going together, I can't fucking understand. Let me try to make sense of this. Okay. Okay.

My best friend been married for 11 years with a boyfriend of nine years.

who is married to his wife of over 15 years. I've been in this friendship and seen it all play out very peaceful. Both men love that girl to death. Her husband will kill her if he ever found out about the boyfriend. And the boyfriend treats her like gold. I'm scared for her though. And the one time I tell her to stop, we fall out. And her boyfriend's wife gets a message about them.

I would have never done that, but she thinks it was me. And haven't spoken to me in months. I love my friend, but the shit is foul.

And how is it love? I'm married of 10 years, but her shit got me on my husband case all the time. Anyway, should I try to fix us or say fuck us and our friendship for her to think I would go and tell that woman anything about her and the woman's husband? I got pics of them and everything. If I wanted to, I could let her know everything, but I would never because she's my friend. I just want her to stop it because she's being dangerous.

All right. So you are not writing me for you. You're writing me for your friend. First off, I want to say you are a good friend for trying to get help with your friend's issue.

Because that's exactly what it is. That's a motherfucking issue, a.k.a. a problem. B.K.A. a big motherfucking problem. What's going on? So your best friend married for 11 years, but she has a boyfriend that she's been with for nine years. That means she started cheating very early in her marriage. She was only married to her husband for two years before she decided to get with his boyfriend. Now, the husband don't know.

Does the boyfriend know that she's married? See, that's what you didn't tell me. I want to know if the boyfriend knows that she's married because what would be easier? And I'm not justifying or trying to give anybody any ideas with how to get away with having a boyfriend and a husband, but it would be easier if one of them knew.

It's like, how the hell do you keep up a nine year relationship and an 11 year marriage without either of them finding out about each other? So I would think her boyfriend knows that she's married. However, she feeds him the fact that it's complicated.

I just feel like he just has to know because he's married as well. So what she has to lose, he in fact has to lose as well. So the only person who don't know would be your best friend's husband and her boyfriend's wife. Well, the wife knows now, but the only person in the dark is the husband. Jesus Christ. And you want to know from me if you should try to reconcile with your best friend. She's been your best friend for 15 years.

I don't feel the need to throw away the friendship over this. One, it's not your problem. I know that you love her. She's very close to you. It seems, you know, she's your best friend. I mean, shit, I have one. I've been best friends with my best friend, Shaina, for nine years. So I definitely know how attached people are to their best friends. Man.

As far as you holding the grudge against her being mad at her because she's mad at you for something that you didn't even do. That's just friendship. That's friendship. Friendship. Okay. That's a set down between you two. That's a one-on-one lunch. That's a link up and y'all just sit down and talk about it. Because honestly,

It's not like she feels that way for no reason. I mean, you said when you told her, listen, bitch, just need to stop. You got a husband and you got a boyfriend. And it's like, yo, you know, your husband will kill you if he finds out that you're cheating, blah, blah, blah. You said y'all fell out. She blew up on you. Okay. That's because she's gotten away with it for so long.

she doesn't feel the need to stop. She's getting away with it. She's having her cake and she's eating it too. You understand what I'm saying? So in her mind, you're my best friend. You're my ride or die. Even if I am doing something wrong, you can tell me, but don't ever go behind my back and snitch on me. You get what I'm saying? So,

And coincidentally, even if you didn't reach out to the wife, it just coincidentally happened that the wife had found out that her husband was cheating. I don't know if she knew that he was cheating for nine goddamn years, but I know for a fact that

It was just coincidental. And it may have seemed like, because if I was your best friend, I would think the same thing. I would be like, yo, it's mighty funny that after you tell me that you don't like what I'm doing and how I'm moving, this nigga's wife, after nine years of her not knowing anything, his wife just hits me up. Even if you did go to the wife, I ain't going to hold you. I don't see that completely wrong. However, it pulls your loyalty card with your best friend.

Because before I would go and tell this man's wife, I would sit down with my best friend's husband and tell him, I ain't gonna hold you. Now I'm built very differently. I don't give a fuck. I just don't do that. I don't condone that type of shit. And I'm not saying that this is something that I would definitely do. Oh, go to the husband, go to my best friend's husband. No, I would just go to my best friend's husband before I will go to my best friend, boyfriend's wife. That's too goddamn, uh,

And then do you know both? They've been in a relationship for nine years. That means that boyfriend know you because I'm not going to be in a relationship with nobody for nine years and not know their best friend, not be around their best friend, not ever be in the same vicinity with their best friend. You know what I'm saying? This has been a nine year fucking affair. I know that you've been around this man all the while knowing that it's hard.

To even be around him. And you know, you're close with her husband because that's who she married and that's your best friend. So you're in the middle, whether you want to believe it or not, you're in the middle. My thing is that will make me take a step back from my best friend too. Just when people live their lives recklessly and wildly like that, knowing that they're hurting people.

knowing that they can possibly hurt someone. And you even said it, her husband would kill her. I don't know if you meant in literal terms, but it ain't like Wayne say nothing like this before.

People get caught cheating. People kill each other. People... Oh, my God. People kill over love. People commit suicide over love. People do crazy things. They kidnap people's children over love. It's all types of shit in this world that we got going on right now. And it's worse than it's ever been. So, I think...

You should try to salvage the relationship with your best friend. I mean, because you two do owe each other a conversation. And I'm not saying just you. Notice I said you two, you both. You both owe each other conversation. You both owe each other redemption.

You know, I don't know if you know if this relationship is still going on between her and the boyfriend. Because you said when the wife found out, you cut the story off there. And you wanted to know what you should do about your friendship. I'm assuming you don't know because you haven't talked to her or whatever. But...

Hopefully that wife found out for the fucking better and they're working on their marriage and your best friend is working on her marriage with her husband. Was it two divorces going to fuck on something? Something either way, because I kind of want to fix her mess and not Charles. God damn, this is crazy. But have a conversation with her. Swallow your pride and tell her, listen,

It really hurt me that you thought that I would seriously go snitch on you behind your back. You cut me off when I was trying to tell you that what you're doing is not right. It's not acceptable. How would you like if your husband had a non-affair on you? How would you like to find that out? Like,

That's not good. I'm married too. And what the fuck you got going on got me looking at my motherfucking husband crazy because you never know. You're sleeping with a stranger. Your husband been sleeping with your sneaky ass for nine years and had no inkling, had no idea that you've been cheating on him for nine fucking years. It's weird. It's disgusting. It's a slap in the face.

It's an insult to the covenant that we have. We're married bitches. And I just felt like if you didn't want your husband, girl, you could have stayed single or you could have got divorced. I was just being a friend telling you I would never go and snitch on you. These need to be your key points when you talk. You need to let her know your frustration, but don't come at her.

Talk to her. Just talk to her. Don't come at her. Now it may get heated, but she probably got so much to tell you. You just never know. And honestly, she probably needs you more than anything right now, but won't say it because y'all both got chips on y'all shoulders. Y'all want to be mad at each other, but y'all miss each other. I can tell.

You've been this girl's best friend for 15 years. I know y'all got insiders and all types of shit. Y'all probably want to send each other memes and funny shit online all day like y'all. Bitch, listen, go make up with your friend. And whether you guys make up or not, you can say you tried. You can say I redeemed myself. I just wanted you to know the truth. If we walk away from here and we're never friends again, I want you to know the truth. I did not do what you accused me of.

But I just want you to get your life together. Boom, bow. That's it. That's done. All right. Check back in with me, girl. Thank you. Jesus, that's crazy.

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She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Corinaldi. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt, new episodes Thursdays, streaming only on Hulu.

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All right, moving on. Hey Jess, I'm here with an update as well as another question. So to clear things up, I was with my boyfriend for four years and never met his kids or family. Oh, I remember this story, yes. I finally put it all on the table and told him how I felt. He claimed he never thought to include his kids in his personal life. What? What?

He asked for time to work on my issues and I said, okay. Fast forward, a week later, we get into a very small disagreement and he ignored me for a week. Well, it couldn't have been that damn small. He finally texted me out the blue a week later and tells me I don't truly love him. At this point, I just said, fuck it. I told him he never truly loved me and the relationship he was giving, I didn't want.

Next thing I know, he's telling me I'll never hear from him again. And if I see him out, then act like I don't know him. The nerve of this motherfucker. Shaking my head. It's been 10 days and we haven't spoke since. I know I'm better off without the relationship, but is it crazy that I still want him as a friend? I'm alone in this state and could use his wisdom and advice. He's 43 and I'm 29. Let me know, Jess.

Boom. They give you a question right there. So listen, his little 43 year old ass is playing games with your baby ass. Okay. That's what it sounds like to me.

He's playing games with you. Now listen, not every older guy sought out to play games with these younger girls. Some older guys just genuinely are attracted to younger females, not little girls, younger females, younger women. And you are a young lady. You're almost 30. Not saying that you're too fucking young for him, but I think that he's playing on your feelings and taking advantage of how you feel and taking advantage of the fact also that

You move to the state to be with him. Right. And he knows you don't know anyone and you can't just up and leave and, you know, uproot again and go back home or go back where you want to go or go wherever he knows that. So he's playing on that fact. You.

You don't need him. I think you got comfortable with knowing that he's always going to be there. He's always going to take care of you or going to make you feel better. And I think that he also has spoiled you and you spoiled him as well with accessibility. He knows he always has access to you. He knows he can call you and make you feel a certain way and you'll be feeling that way for a week. He knows. Like you just said, he ignored you for a fucking week.

How the fuck can you do that to somebody that you love? How the fuck can you do that to somebody that you're in a relationship with? How the hell can you do that? Going back to the first time that you wrote me, you said that you were in a relationship with this man for four years and haven't met his kids. He told you, kids or any other family. I mean, you met in passing a brother and a cousin. Who's to say they were his real fucking family members though?

You don't know. You have to pay attention to shit like that. His kids are his immediate family. Why the fuck wouldn't he think to include them in his personal life when they're his people? They're his persons that came out of his damn balls. How the hell don't you include your kids, whether they're grown or not? I've been your girlfriend for four years. Why the fuck I don't know your children? Never seen them. Never laid eyes on them a day in my life. They never spoken to me or anything. Wake your ass up, baby.

Wake your ass up. Get out there. Get to know other people. I'm not saying date. Establish friendships. Go to a couple Barnes and Nobles. I'm dead serious. Go take walks around the park. Start doing shit for you. Because once you start focusing on yourself, that's how you make people mad. That's the sweetest revenge. So work on yourself.

because you're a little damaged to be sitting here dealing with this shit. It must be something in you. I don't know if it's self-esteem or if it's, you know, comfortable or, you know, complacent or, no, you're 29. You haven't even reached your third decade of life yet. Seriously.

I want you to get yourself together. Get out there. Shit, go back to school. Do something with yourself. You don't need him as a friend. You don't. He ain't going to be no friend because he already know how to unlock certain feelings and play on your heartstrings. So you don't need a friend like that. No, you don't. He need to get himself together. And what you need to do is take his advice. Do what he tell you to do. Act like you don't know his ass. All right. Don't ever hit him up again. I mean, I know it's easier said than done, but I've been in your shoes.

And I'm telling you, you'll feel better knowing what I know now

Oh, I would have loved for it just to fix my fucking mess and tell me, oh, do what he say. Because once you really do it, that's why I told you to do it because he knows you're not ever going to do it. You're not going to do that. You don't want to cut him off. You're in love with him. But for real, for real, like I said, cut that motherfucker off and start living for you and watch his ass crawl right back up in your ass. Believe that. If that's what you want, you go with it. If not, bye. Boom. Check back in again. Thank you.

All right, we got one last one and then we're going to get out of here. Sis, I need some advice on the podcast. Don't say my name because he listens too. So I was with a guy for two years. Prior to that, I've been in nothing but abusive relationships for over four years. My last dude chased me for about two years. Then when he finally got me, he did me bad, like real bad. I found out he was positive. I found out he cheated with a plethora of people.

He has lied about having sex with certain people and lied. He's abusive, narcissist, and a manipulator. I'm 25. He's 40. I have my own and he does too, but he knows I have low self-esteem as far as my looks and body. And he plays on that badly. We've been broken up for a year, but won't leave each other alone. What should I do?

By the way, just three days ago, a guy I know sent me messages of him fucking him after he sang He Still Hadn't Had Sex. So he's a liar, Jess. Oh, my Lord. All righty. All righty. All righty. All righty.

Sweetie, Jesus, what is up with these 40-year-old men messing with these 29-year-old motherfuckers, these people in their 20s? Okay, so judging from your page, which is private, and you have a cartoon thumbnail, I don't know if you're a guy or a girl.

However, I don't want to assume. So I'm just going to speak as if I'm talking to a woman or a man. It doesn't matter. Now you said he was positive. You didn't say he was positive. What? Like he, what COVID gonorrhea. It's a plethora of STDs. Just like those plethora of people that he was fucking lying about. He was cheating on you with those people. Hmm. I don't understand why you asked me what you should do.

Like, just listen. It's like sometimes people need to hear their story back to them. Sometimes you need to repeat people so they can hear just how crazy this is. You have to take yourself out of your situation and look from the outside in. And I'm going to help you do that. I understand why this is so hard for you because you have been...

in nothing but abusive relationships, whether that's emotionally, physically, sexually, whatever. You've been in abusive relationships over the past four years. So you've kind of gotten used to abuse, which no one should ever have to go through. Nobody should ever have to feel this way. So you're kind of a magnet for abuse. And don't take that the wrong way. That's true. People attract

Certain spirits and certain behaviors and and then they wonder why, because if I'm right, you're a people pleaser and you think you can help everybody and you like to give everybody the benefit of the doubt because you also have.

low self-esteem and you think you're not good enough for the people that you really, really want to date, that you really, really see yourself with or people that you've even tried to get with in the past and it hasn't worked because you have low self-esteem being rejected, all that shit. So you're taking who takes you.

You're accepting who accepts you. And ultimately you're settling. You're settling and you are giving benefit of the doubt to everyone because people change. Yeah, people change, but people can't change people. People change themselves. Now you can help people change, but

But you're not even in the right state of mind or where you need to be for you to help someone else. You know what I'm saying? Because you're still suffering with something. You're still, you know, it's something about you reading your story. It's deeper than just dating. This is something else as well. You know, I need you to figure out what that is, babe. I don't know if I can help you with what's within yourself.

I don't know, but I do want you to know that I think that you should stay the fuck away from this nigga. I'm telling you that because when somebody shows you who they are and you keep turning a blind eye to it, you're not being real with yourself. Now you're lying to yourself about this person. They're showing you. No, they're not telling you who they are. They're showing you which is better.

Because you can tell me anything, but when you start showing me the type of person you are, that gives me the liberty to say, okay, I don't want to deal with this or I can deal with this. But you are settling and you're staying in it because you just want someone to love you. You have a true desperation for love.

You have an unruly desperation for love and you cannot and will not be happy like that. You're not, you're never going to find happiness. You're never going to be happy for long like that. You're going to end up miserable and you can end up losing your life like that as well because this abusive shit, this is a cry for help and I need you to go get help. Okay.

Okay. Leave that motherfucker alone. Seriously. He's showing you who he is. You don't need any more confirmation. You don't need, I don't care if he begs you, whatever the fuck. I don't give a fuck. Y'all been broken up for a year, but y'all can't leave each other alone. That's because he know you ain't going nowhere. Leave. You said he plays on the fact that you don't, you're not confident in your body and your face and how you look. Leave.

Because there is someone out there that's going to love you for your body, your face, your personality. When you wake up in the morning, somebody going to want to smell that motherfucking morning breath. When you go to bed at night, somebody going to want to cuddle up and hold your ass.

You understand? So man or woman, whatever, whoever you are, I don't care. You need to let that go and start healing on yourself. And listen, you will never be 100% healed. That's what I want people to understand. There's no way that you can

Be healed. Everybody always running around. Oh, I want to, I want to date somebody that's healed. I want a nigga that's already healed already. Listen, you're going to be healing for the rest of your life. Everybody who's been through something is going to be healing for the rest of their lives. Why? Because the world doesn't stop. It's new trauma every day, new situations, new shit that we can't even control that are out of our hands that are affecting us that we didn't even think had anything to do with us.

Oh, but it does. So the things that you think don't affect you will. It's almost humanly impossible to find someone that's completely fucking healed. Seriously. Now, you can be with someone that can assist you in your healing process, that can help you heal. That's called building together. That's called working, building a strong foundation together.

Open, honest communication, doing everything the right way, not lying about shit. I'm talking about that's how you start a true healing process. And who's to ever say that you will be healed 100%? But if you do it the right way, you'll end up turning out better than you would if you keep living life like this, sweetie.

So I want you to check back in with me. And I want you to know something. I love you. I don't know you. Don't know your name. I don't care. But I love you just as a person. You are. You're enough. You're enough. Stop thinking that you aren't because a person says it. That's just another person with the same skin you got. If you cut them, they're going to bleed just like you.

Just know that. And just like that, we've come to the end of another Carefully Reckless session with Dr. Jess because I'm fixing mess all day and in my deepest pan, boys. Peace. Carefully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I'm a savage. I think I killed GT.

She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronaldi. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop.

I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Gear up for outdoor adventures with the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder. This midsize SUV is designed for epic journeys, offering spacious

seating for eight. Available panoramic moonroof and an available intelligent four-wheel drive feature with seven drive modes to take your off-road experience to new heights. Discover the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder at NissanUSA.com. Intelligent all-wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. Towing capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Towing Guide and Owner's Manual for additional information. Always secure cargo. Most deals are

barely worth mentioning. But then there's AT&T's best deal on the new Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 6 featuring FlexCam with Galaxy AI. You can get it on them when you trade in your eligible smartphone any year, any condition. It's a deal so good you'll be shouting

So grab a ladder and learn how to get that new phone on AT&T. AT&T connecting changes. Everything requires trade in of galaxy S note or Z series smartphone limited time offer 256 gigabytes for $0 additional fees, terms and restrictions apply. Zatt.com slash Samsung or visit an AT&T store for details.

MITRE's mission is to solve problems for a safer world. If you have a passion for applied cybersecurity with skills in infrastructure threat intelligence, deterrence technologies, advisal threat emulation, or intelligence analysis, explore the many challenging and fulfilling career opportunities at MITRE.org slash careers. That's M-I-T-R-E dot org slash careers.

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