My Distant Sister Took My Mister
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And just like that, we back on the air. Welcome back to yet another carefully reckless episode with your girl Jess Hilarious. So I'm not in the studio up at iHeart. So my girl Taylor is not with me today. Y'all know she pregnant too, so her ass don't feel like reading or whatever. She pregnant with my little son or whatever. So she not gonna read. We have a voice note, y'all. We got one. We got one. Y'all already know what that mean. That I ain't gotta fucking read.

Cause y'all, y'all swear bitch don't be reading good. It's just that y'all don't know how to write good. So I'm glad we got a voice note. We're going to get straight in. Cause what I be doing, I be fixing mess. So here we go. Hey girl, I'm going through some stuff and I need your advice.

I have this friend since childhood. We were inseparable, and we call ourselves sisters. We've been going to school together since middle school. I dated this boy back in high school because we all went to the same high school, and she knows this. So I dated him back in high school and whatever, and now we're grown and got no feelings for him. She lives in the new city, so I barely see her. So the man I dated right in high school,

And they started talking to each other. I guess, you know, they hit it off. I didn't think nothing of it, you know, because, you know, I'm grown now. So then they started dating. They started going out more. And I started feeling the way. I'm not lying. I started feeling the way because I felt hurt and betrayed. Like, damn, she's really dated my ex, Tinks. And I didn't like that. So then I fell off.

Hmm. Hmm.

Still. Yeah.

know I forgave her because we can't hold no no grudges I missed her a lot I'm not gonna lie cuz like we were inseparable when we were young like we were two peas in a pod and I missed her a lot and um yeah and she really apologized I know she meant it from deep down cuz she saw the look at my face and she was like man I didn't mean to do that I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or nothing like that and um I won't do that again and I wanna know how

Hmm.

So, you know what this reminds me of? This reminds me of the episode of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta, one of the more previous seasons. This rapper on there, her name is Amy Luciani. And then, you know, you got Lil Scrappy, third baby mama, that's what he called her. But she said, don't call him baby mama. Don't call her baby mama because she's his ex-wife. So his ex-wife, bam, right? Now, that reminds me of that situation. So...

Bam and Scrappy are no longer together. They're no longer married. They are divorced. And actually they're at odds. They're beefing like a motherfucker every day, online, every day, every day. But besides that, she started dating. This is well after they got divorced. And she had bought the guy on the show. You know, he was just on the show. And Amy Luciani, who was another cast member on Love & Hip Hop Atlanta, dated the same guy about 15 years ago. Right? Right.

Now, to Amy's point, Amy felt like, yo, me and Bambi, like, we're friends. Like, you should have told me that she was dealing with this nigga. You feel me? I don't care how long it was I was dating this nigga, but you should have told me that you were dating somebody that I once dated or whatever. You know, she felt a little betrayed by it. Bam, on the other hand, is like, first of all, this was 15 fucking years ago. And this guy said that y'all never dated. Like, when people say date, some people mean relationship. And then...

To some people just talking, we were just conversating exclusively or, you know, not exclusively, but we, it was the thing. We were a thing. We were messing around. And then other people just feel like if you fuck somebody, we're dating. Now the guy told Bam,

I never dated Amy. We were never in a relationship. We was fucking. We fucked a few times and that was it. She was like, my lord. Yeah, yeah. Yadam Yansky. That's just what that was. A Yadam Yansky is somebody that you fuck. All right. Now that's the Baltimore version. You know what I mean? It's just a Yadam Yansky. Say it with me. Yadam Yansky. Y'all too. One. Look, y'all say it too. One, two, three. A Yadam Yansky. Y'all say it too. One, two, three. Yadam Yansky.

Never mind. Go ahead. So, it's other people in here, y'all. So, anyway. Now, you feel like... I get it. I get it. This was in high school. Now, the only thing, the only difference between...

Your story, right? And Love & Hip Hop Atlanta is nobody on Love & Hip Hop Atlanta are real friends. I don't give a fuck. I don't know why Mona still got them saying that. Still acting like niggas knew each other before the show. And when I say like know each other, I mean like you can't call somebody a friend unless you know their mother name.

You can't call somebody a friend unless you confided in them before. You can't call a motherfucker a friend unless you done cried to them, unless you told them some shit before that nobody else know, unless you feel like you can confide in them. Like people throw that friend word around very, very loosely. And, you know, reality TV, that happens a lot. A lot of that goes on. So I totally get it. Now, in your case, right, this is your friend, childhood friend, right? So I know this hurts you.

Hmm. I understand the both of y'all. I understand the both of y'all. Y'all are now grown. You know what I mean? In high school, you dated the guy. She dated the guy when y'all grew up and got grown. Technically in high school, you probably feel like, yeah, we wasn't like adults, but we were grown enough. Like we're just a couple of years away from being legal, motherfucker. And you dated the guy that I was dating. I totally understand how that makes you feel.

And I think that is great that you actually talked to her at your other friend's baby shower. This the thing though, this is the thing. If you're going to blame one person, you blame both, you know, that yes, she's been your friend since high school, but this motherfucker also was your boyfriend in high school. So, you know, you could have hit him too. Like, God damn my friend, you know what I mean? Like this will be doing. I mean, I don't know what type of terms y'all left on, whether it was bad or good or whatever, you know what I mean? But,

if you were still cool with him or if everything was still cordial, if it wasn't really a bad breakup or whatever, you could have been like, damn, you really dated my friend, you know? And then I know it's probably in your mind like,

You liked her this whole fucking time. Hold up, hold up. I know this shit getting good, but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. The world is constantly changing. It's up to you to decide how to respond. Choose to be bold, to try something new. Choose to reinvent yourself. That's what Nissan did with the all new totally reimagined kicks. The dynamic new exterior styling immediately announces that Nissan isn't messing around. The interior?

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You had to like her this whole time, basically. You know what I'm saying? And then I'm kind of confused because you asked me what you should go about. I mean, how you should go about it. But you already talked to her about it. You get what I'm saying? Like you already talked to her about the situation. Is there any further action that you would like to take? Would you like to sit down and talk to the guy? Like, are you in a relationship? Because honestly, if he was my girl, he was complaining to me about your friend.

And you was complaining about your friend that dated an ex-boyfriend from high school. I would be highly offended. Like, God damn, but you still want this nigga? Like, what's up? You still fucking with him? Or is there anything that you, you know, it's still something there? Why are you so mad at shorty about a guy in high school? You know what I mean? Now, if it were me,

I certainly would have an attitude. I am not going to hold you. I would certainly have a fucking attitude. Just because the whole girl code thing. If you was my best friend in high school or before, I would never expect for any of my friends to pick up leftovers. Listen, I could tell you it's okay to go ahead. Because I remember another story where somebody also wrote me with this podcast, right? And they asked me to fix their mess and said that they had a friend that...

Wanted to deal with one of their exes and the person asked, yo, is it all good if I date shorty because, you know, you ain't together no more or whatever. And the guy told him, go ahead. He told his homeboy, go ahead. He gave his homeboy the green light. Go ahead. You can deal with shorty ain't nothing. And then he went to go do it. I don't.

That was pretty respectful. I don't know no man in real life that's going to, that would do that. So, I mean, that was commendable on his end. He even came to ask, is it cool if I, you know, fuck with Shorty or whatever? And you'll say, yeah. Now, the friend,

He gave the permission like, yeah, yeah, sure. You can go ahead. You can go ahead and do that. I'm not doing it. I still wouldn't feel right doing it. I'm not even about to ask nobody. You know how much pussy it is in the world? Like, why would you come to me and ask me, can you deal with my ex? Even if I'm cool with it, like, yo, God damn. Like, it ain't nobody else out here that you be looking at. Like, no, nothing like not a single person. It's so many people out here. You know what I mean? Like,

Even though the dating pool is full of shit and piss, you know what I mean? It's just still like so many other people. It's enough people for some people to be off limits. You get what I'm saying? So I'm just confused on what you want your friend to do.

You know what I mean? Or what further action do you think you should take? Let me let me listen again, because if I'm missing something, I need to know because you already answered your own question. You know, you already you approached her. She apologized if she made you feel some type of way. Maybe she and then you didn't tell me the level of relationship that you want to go ahead, because if your friend did that and that was your girl, like your bottom bitch, you know, your dog, right? Yeah.

Maybe she wouldn't have did that if y'all were that serious in high school. So let's just say, let's just say, I'm going to listen one more time. Y'all, hopefully y'all catch it if I didn't. Hold up. Hey, I'm going through some stuff and I need your advice. Hmm.

I had this friend since childhood. We were inseparable and we call ourselves sisters. We've been going to school together since middle school. I dated this boy back in high school because we all went to the same high school and she know this. So I dated him back in high school and whatever. Now we're grown and got no feelings for him. Okay. Boom. The fuck? How the fuck?

Girl, I want to put you in a goddamn fort. Nelson, first of all, you say you and this girl was like sisters. Now, I totally do get it. If y'all like sisters, like, bitch, I don't give a fuck. If you kiss a nigga on the lips, I'm not fucking with a man for it. Like, that's it. Like, I don't care. But you said you have no feelings for the guy, right? Okay, cool. And you and this girl are sisters. I think...

The apologies should have sufficed. Maybe I'm missing something, so we just going to listen again, y'all. Hold up, hold up. Let's run it back. Right. Right. So if you grown now...

What the hell you worried about, Thelma? Goddamn. All right, let's continue. Because I'm trying to see if I'm missing something, y'all. I just got to see if I'm missing something. Going out more and I started feeling the way. I'm not lying. I started feeling the way because I felt hurt and betrayed. Like, damn, she's really dated my ex, Tinks. And I didn't like that. So then I fell off.

I like to stop talking to her. I distance myself from her because it really hurt me. Like I was feeling some type of way. I'm not going to lie. And then we went like a couple of years later. OK, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I think what's going on. I think I know what's going on. So it's not even about the guy to you. It's about what your friend did and what your friend did only.

That is what it's about. Because I'm like, yo, for you not to have no feelings for this guy. Because listen, I know y'all just as confused as me over there. Like, she's kind of contradicting herself, isn't she? But let's continue because maybe we both, maybe we all missed something, y'all. Hold on. Yeah.

And we saw each other there and we kind of talked about it. And I told her how I really felt like, hey, I'm not going to lie. I felt a way that you even dated him and started talking to him because, you know, him and I had a thing, even though it was a high school thing. Like, we don't do that. Come on, we're friends. Like, you know, we spoke about it. She apologized and said she didn't really mean to hurt my feelings like that.

I forgave her because we can't hold, you know, no grudges. I missed her a lot. I'm not going to lie because, like, we were inseparable when we were young. Like, we were...

two peas in a pod and i missed her a lot and um yeah and she really apologized i know she meant it from deep down because she saw the look in my face and she's like man i didn't mean to do that i didn't mean to hurt your feelings or nothing like that and um i won't do that again and i want to know how um i should go about it and that's why i'm asking for advice right now

right so what the hell are you asking advice for if you already you saw her at the baby shower that's why i said i know i ain't that goddamn high i'm a little high you know i'll be high you know i'll be smoking my little shit shit now you know i ain't you know i'm saying now the baby is out you know i popped out boom there she go you know she had her breast milk for the day so i can smoke my blicky or whatever and i already did but i know i'm not fucking crazy i know i'm not crazy you answered your own question

Now we got a commercial and if you click off this podcast, I swear I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen.

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Charlemagne the Godhead and I want you to know from Curtis 50 Cent Jackson and the executive producers of Power the hit stars original series Raising Canaan is coming back. The new season of the family crime drama continues the origin story of fan favorite Canaan Stark originally played by 50 Cent in the flagship series Power as he delves further into his evolution from a devoted son into the ruthless villain that

fans have known and loved from the jump. This is a transformative season for Canaan that you won't want to miss. The new season of Raising Canaan premieres March 7th only on Stars in the Stars app. Hey fam, if you're like me, you're thinking about how to level up in your career. Maybe you're fresh out of college, just starting in your field, or even looking to switch things up and find your true calling. Whatever stage you're in,

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AT&T has a new guarantee because most things in life are not guaranteed, like actually getting the rental car you requested.

Or your wedding turning out just like you dreamed it would. And someone making another pot of coffee in the break room after drinking the last drop of the last one. Yeah, don't get me started. Not guaranteed. In a world where nothing is guaranteed, AT&T is bringing something new to the table. AT&T is introducing a guarantee with connectivity you depend on, deals you want, and service you deserve. Or they make it right.

So if you want to know more about the AT&T guarantee, head to AT&T dot com slash guarantee. AT&T connecting changes everything. Terms and restrictions apply. Visit AT&T dot com slash guarantee for details. You already talked to the girl. Now, you must have just taken her apology there just because it wasn't a time and a place for you to really get down and dirty into the depths of the whole situation. I think you had more to get off of your chest with her.

Because she apologized, babe. Now, are her and the guy still dating? Because I got some questions for you and you need to come back and update me. Because I got some questions for you. You get what I'm saying? And it's also women's month too. So I want you and your friends to mend your relationship. You said y'all were sisters. Like, y'all are close. Although y'all haven't seen each other in a long time because now y'all live in different cities. And the guy lives in her city and such and such or whatever, whatever. But...

I think what y'all got is bigger and better than this little ass situation. And I just really feel like, yo, you can get past this shit. Get whatever you got to get off your chest, though, because I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings. I'm not trying to shit on your feelings and say that, you know, your feelings aren't valid. They are, you know, especially if you. Yeah, this is your sister. And it's like, God damn, I know that was my guy from high school. But still, I think since you got.

I think you got some other shit to say that you want to say that you didn't get to say at the baby shower because it wasn't the right place all the time. She apologized to you because she did. She really, sincerely, genuinely did not mean to hurt your feelings and probably thought that you wouldn't even gave a fuck because it was so long ago. Or she probably didn't think that y'all would be talking like that again. And now she live in another city and a nigga live in another city. And who knows, girl, you know what? Because now my wheels are turning and I'm thinking that the guy probably didn't.

You know how I be when people talk. And you're out of the equation. Totally. Because you're living in another city. The guy could have told her, I really wanted you in high school. I really wanted you. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, I took, I'm going to just say your name Thelma. And let's just say your friend named Louise. Louise, I wanted you. Like, you, I really wanted you to be my little bitch. You know what I'm saying? In high school. But,

It ended up being Thelma. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, Thelma, she was cool, but she really wasn't checking for me. So I took Thelma over you, but I really wanted you. You know what I mean? And probably talked her into dealing with you. And you hadn't talked to her in a while, you know, because you back in your city doing your thing with somebody else, possibly, you know? And...

The fact that y'all kind of fell off with communication, although she's still your friend, your sister, you know, and everything. That made it easier for her to date the nigga too. You got to also think about that. That made it easier. You know what I'm saying? So that's just something else for me to throw out there. But it's not like you still got some more shit to get off your chest. And I think that scenario that I just threw out to you just now, that's probably what you've been thinking, you know? Because ain't no way you mad at the shit apologized and shit.

You know what I'm saying? I just feel like it's something it's either something you ain't telling me or you just really didn't hash it out like you really, really wanted to at that event. Either way, I commend her. I ain't gonna hold you. I do commend her because a lot of people are not able to take accountability for their actions and her being your friend.

She actually did that. She didn't want to. You said she's seeing the look on your face. And it was the way you said it. You said, when she's seeing the look on my face. So something telling me you might be a little Dominican and a little crazy at the same time. But when she saw that look on your face, I know. I know. She's probably scared. She probably thought she was going to fight or slap or do something. She probably didn't even want to come to the baby shower. She probably didn't even expect to see you at the baby shower. But I am glad, however, you know, that she...

She cared enough and she was remorseful enough to apologize to you. She didn't even know she hurt your feelings. You found me. So that's something that you got to take into account as well. But I need you to update me, like update me with this because I want to know these. I got these questions for you. Have you talked to him? Are y'all still cool? Like you and the guy, you and your ex-boyfriend, right? Then are you in a relationship? And then what?

Just how serious were y'all in high school? Because it could have been a thing where you was just talking to him. Like I said, I would never touch any of my friends, exes, or even prospects, or even potential motherfuckers that they was just looking at that they never even got a chance to fuck with. I wouldn't touch him with a 10-foot pole because that is the girl code. But just because it's my girl code don't mean it's everybody else's. You know what I'm saying? Girls don't girl how I girl. So, you know what I'm saying? They always talking about, Jess ain't a girl's girl.

Bitching, that's okay. Fuck. I got... I can count all my girls on one hand, baby. I ain't got too many of them. That's how you stay up in shit. Having too many motherfucking girls. When there's too many girls, there's too many personalities. And it's too much. And I don't fuck with it. And like I said, a lot of girls don't be girl and how about girls? So, shit. But my girls girl the right way. So, girl, please. And just like that, we've come to the end of yet another Caffey Reckless episode with your girl, Tess Hilarious. It is Women's Month, guys. So...

Make sure you check on your friends. You know, your friends just go out and go grab a cocktail and just get to know each other. We are living in some rough ass times because after Trump, Trump and don't listen because Trump is busy. Trump has been busy. He done signed one hundred and thirty five thousand fucking executive orders since he's been here. So all my Mexican listeners, I love you guys, whether you're still here or hiding or whatever.

Back in Mexico, wherever you're listening to me at, I love y'all and stay the fuck strong. And I will see y'all next week. Peace.

Peace to the planet. Charlemagne the Godhead. I want you to know from Curtis 50 Cent Jackson and the executive producers of Power comes the explosive new season of the Stars original series Raising Canaan. In the riveting fourth season, slates have seemingly been wiped clean for Canaan, Rock, and the rest of the Thomas family. However, in the eye of the storm, one very dangerous obstacle looms large.

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