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My Lil Funky Friend

2025/4/9
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Carefully Reckless

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Peace to the planet. I go by the name of Charlemagne Tha God. And guess what? I can't wait to see y'all at the third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. That's right. We're coming back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April 26th at Pullman Yards. And it's hosted by none other than Decisions Decisions, Mandy B and Weezy. Okay, we got it.

We'll be right back.

Welcome to Can't Believe Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect.

Good morning, y'all. Whatever. Tell it on one read. She ain't pregnant just like I was, so she don't give a fuck. She don't even want to help y'all. I did not say any of that. The only reason why she is is because I'm in her studio, so I'm technically in her space. So...

We about to get it, y'all. It's like, nah. We on the air. Welcome back to yet another Catholic Reckless episode with your girl, Just Hilarious. Taylor is in the building. Say hi to Taylor, y'all. And Taylor, say hi to them. Hey, you know what would help? If you said me first. Taylor, say hey to them. Oh, yes. Because you'd be getting confused. I'd be like, say thank you to Taylor. She'd be like, thank you. Like, girl.

Okay, so I'm going to just tell you what to do first and then. All right, that's fine. We're going to jump straight in though because we do not have voice memos. Girl, people are scared to send in their voice memos because people know their people's voices. Yeah. And so, yes, girl, at first I was beating and banging their heads like,

why the hell y'all won't send in y'all voices and y'all cause you know everybody can't spell I mean either way they might know the story too so it doesn't matter yeah yeah cause like you'd be surprised how many people listen to my podcast I'm like why y'all why y'all so scared when people started writing me like because bitch people know my voice and I'm like oh my god I'm sorry so you right you right oh my gosh alright use AI something use Siri

A lot of y'all can't spell. Y'all talk about Jess Fix My Mess. Shit. All right. What's good, Jess? So I have a really good friend and we've been friends for years. I basically will call her like a sister. I just started this job and she needed one. So I told her that my job was hiring. She was saying how her mom wouldn't let her take the car so she would have no way to work. I suggested that she could ride to work with me.

She would just have to put up for rides because we were taking Ubers to and from. Oh, OK. My father agreed to let her stay. Mind you, my cousin was already staying there, so I was happy he just let both of them stay. OK, wait. So. All right. So you you not only given her a ride, you're giving her a place to stay. OK, got you. Which is probably more convenient for her.

To go to work from your house since her dad won't. Okay, I got you. I'm just trying to figure it out. See, that's why you need to send an invoice to my house. So one night we're all about to go to sleep and my dad calls me out of my room. He takes me in the bathroom and asked me which washcloth was mine. And I told him mine was clean. So my dad lifted up one of the washcloths and told me to smell it. And I almost threw the fuck up. What the fuck?

My dad said no female should smell like this ever in life. And if she can't get it right, she need to go home. I go in my room and I whisper to my cousin because she was still up. And I asked her what color was the washcloth that she used. And she told me it was green. That wasn't the one my dad was talking about. So I immediately was like, oh, shit. He said so. He says so and so washcloths. Anyway, and if she can't get it together, she has to go home.

So me and my cousin was just looking stuck at each other because, oh, my gosh, obviously that was super embarrassing. And I don't want to make her feel bad, but the smell was honestly awful, Jess. And she honestly had to get it together or she just couldn't be there. And it's not my house. So I couldn't really say much. So my question is, how should I tell her?

Does she stink? Yo, this girl says, so my question is, how should I tell her she smells unholy without hurting her feelings? Well, that's how you do it. That's how you do it. You say you smell unholy. Like, I mean, and at least you, you know, if somebody said that to me, I would ask them to elaborate because I don't even know what holy smells like. So unholy, that's how you do it.

That's a whole new smell unleashed. They said that the washcloths stink. Yes, the washcloths. Her dad woke her up, took her in the bathroom and was like, here, smell this. Which one is yours? And he's like, she's like, no, this one's not mine. He said, OK, now smell this one. And it was awful. She said it was I can't. And her dad was like, listen, no woman should ever smell like this ever in their fucking lives.

So no, but only when I'm like questioning the watch causes, because does she smell her self like vagina? Or I'm just saying, like, she's she's around her. So does she smell her then? You're basing off a watch clock that could be already dirty or something. Because you're honestly supposed to.

switch out washcloths what like every what three days two days or something like that I actually have two so I have one for my face I don't use the same one for my face that I use for my body right and I switch out the washcloths for my body like every two to three days I don't change my face washcloth every two to three days I mean do

use that one for a week, you know, but it's only going to my face. I wash it out before I wash my face. I wash my face with, you know, Dermalogica. Like, you know what I'm saying? So...

Y'all, I'm real clean. But I was waiting for Taylor to say it. But it's okay. So she's supposed to be like, okay, Josh. Like, okay, Josh. Thank you, girl. I mean, like, you know. But yeah, okay. No, that is true. You bring up a valid point. Do you smell her outside of that? Because if she does smell that, if the washcloth does smell that bad because of her body odor, you would smell her. Yeah. Right? The only reason why I'm saying that is because...

I don't know if I should put it, whatever. It's okay. But they're like sometimes in the bathroom. Cleaning people, you could clearly see like they're using a used or old. Yeah. And sometimes it smells like that. Yeah. Sour. That's what I'm saying. Like mildew a little bit. Yeah. Like water has been sitting like old dishwaters, things like that too. But yeah, I get it. I just think that, okay. Cause there is a reason. It's like that. If something smelled like that,

What's going on? Right. Whether, like, are you scared to ask for another washcloth? Like, you know, do you feel comfortable using this washcloth? Like, you know, it's okay. I'm sure they have a washing machine and a dryer where they can do laundry. And, you know, because why does her rag smell like that? Even if the friend does not smell her on a regular, why does your shit smell like that? And I told, do you think the dad is wrong for saying if she has to smell like this, she got to go. Like, she don't get this together. He didn't just put her out. Yeah. Oh, I see.

Yes, that's what he said. I said it three times, Taylor. I thought he was just saying like, yo, a woman shouldn't smell like this, but I didn't think he was kicking her out. Well, if she didn't get it together, he's like, man, there's no way. He didn't even know who it was. That's why he asked even her, his daughter, which one is yours? Because...

I'm finna whoop your ass if you smell like this in my house. Like, the fuck? You know, you're a woman. You're a girl. Y'all are females. Hygiene is very important. Hold up, hold up. I know this shit getting good, but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen.

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Chill or in straight up do not disturb mode. Let the Nissan Murano be your oasis in the chaotic world because sometimes the greatest rush isn't rushing at all. Drive the all new Nissan Murano today. Panoramic moonroof, ambient lighting, bows and massaging leather appointed seats are optional features. AT&T has a new guarantee because most things in life are not guaranteed. Like actually getting the rental car you've requested or your wedding turning out just like you dreamed it would.

And someone making another pot of coffee in the break room after drinking the last drop of the last one. Yeah, don't get me started. Not guaranteed.

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- Hey fam, this is Carlos Miller from the 85 South Show. If you're like me, you're always thinking about how to level up your career. Maybe you're fresh out of college, just starting in your field or even looking to switch things up and find your true calling. Whatever stage you're in, remember that this is your time to grow, to learn and to build something that lasts.

State Farm understands that early career development is key to long-term success. They've been a steady presence in our community, and they know having the right support early can make all the difference. State Farm is there to help you make smart moves and to help you get the coverage you need. We all know that the journey to success is a marathon, not a sprint.

It's all about staying focused, staying grounded, and making sure you're protected every step of the way. Let's build our careers with confidence, knowing that State Farm is there to support us, just like they've always been. Because like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Find out more at statefarm.com.

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Okay, because I thought it was a reason she was about to be embarrassed that it was her. No, she's embarrassed for her friend and she doesn't know how to tell her friend about it. I mean, I think just tell her...

I like the unholy comment. Yeah. No, no. Okay. Okay, so let's just role play. Okay, if I was your homegirl, you would stand in my house and my dad would pull me in the bathroom and was like, listen, is this your rag? And we identified that it was yours because I went back and I asked my cousin, is this yours? She was like, no, that's not mine. Then it's still, it's yours now. You're the only one left in the house. And I sit with you and I'm like,

Hey Tay Tay, like my dad. I would come down to France. Wait, no, wait, we got to go through it. Wait. Tay, I just want to like tell you. So the other night I was in the bathroom and I kept getting this like, like stench come across my nose when I was washing my face. And then I smelled like the washcloths and yours is green, right?

Say yeah. Yours is green, right? Yeah. Okay, yeah. And I smelled it and it didn't, it almost really made me like throw up. It stank. The thing is, I never smelled you. Like, that's the thing. Like, I never smelled you before. So I was so surprised that your wash rag smelled like that. Like, you smell like, you know, just, I mean, it smelled unholy. So, what do you think? Bitch.

Unholy sounds so crazy. Okay, okay. Would that really be your reaction to be like, the fuck is the unholy? I would be taken back. Yeah, excuse me? What the fuck does that mean? I would... What would you say? I would just say like, hey, just coming to you as a friend. I'm the friend who has the stinky washcloth and then you be the girl that's riding us. So I would just say...

Hey Jess. So just, you know, we girls and everything else and I keep it real with you. So just to let you know, like I was just in the bathroom and I smell just a little funk towards the washcloth. I don't know if it's like, what type of soap are you using? I could recommend like something better or.

So you're saying the washcloth stanked? Yeah. Okay. So maybe it's your dad's because I don't know what the fuck you trying to give. Like, I don't know what this is, but... Bitch wasn't going to fall, but it's probably your dad's. Because, yeah. The fuck? Okay. Or I would just be like, yo, you should try this. I would just maybe not even mention that, but try this soap. It's so good. It smells so good, right? Okay. Okay.

So out of nowhere, you're just recommending different soaps. Yeah. Okay. Just to me? Or is this also to your dad and your cousin? Or just to me?

To you. Oh, okay. Thank you. We're girls, so the guys have a different type of sense. Okay. Well, I appreciate you because I feel like you are putting me deep, you know, letting me know, like, you know, yeah. I've just been having a hard time, you know, since I'm not home and, you know, just going back to my childhood, like the way I grew up and just, you know. Sorry.

What is this type of childhood fucking trauma? Washing up? Yeah, like my dad used to try to drown me in the tub. So now I'm scared of like getting in the tub. I'm scared of showers because he used to really put my head under the fucking. I feel like didn't that happen at Empire the show? Oh my gosh. To the gay one? No.

I don't know. No, I have an illusion. So I was re-watching it by accident this weekend. Okay. How the fuck you re-watched something by accident? Because I was watching it. It was on Tubi. And I was watching something else and I felt like I was on Tubi. Oh, Empire's on Tubi? Yeah. Listen, y'all. Just stop playing. Stop playing with Tubi. Listen, I think I should be director of Tubi or like COO of Tubi. I'm the one who put

2B on the motherfucking map. Okay? Other than Detroit and Cleveland. But, yes, y'all. Like, people was clowning me when I was, like, big up in 2B early in the game. And then now everybody's like, so I was watching 2B by accident. No, the fuck you wasn't. You gotta open up the app. No, I was watching 2B. I watched Empire by accident. Okay. Okay. Oh, yeah. Well, no, I think that she should keep it real. I think she should keep it real with her friends. I mean, I don't...

I don't disagree with the dad. No, I'm not going to have, if my daughter ain't even in here smiling like this, ain't nobody else about to be in here smiling like this. This is ridiculous. You are young ladies, you know, so I don't have a problem with the dad feeling that way. However, I do think,

She should keep it real with her homegirl and set her down. And the reason why I wouldn't bring up the dad is because I don't want the little girl to be to be embarrassed. It's like, yeah, because the dad did did smell it first. You know what I mean? And that's just him checking on his house. You know what I mean? But I so I wouldn't bring up the dad. I would sit down and be and say that you smelled it or you said just offer a soap.

I think that's more insulting than... Because it's going to be given like, all right, bitch, why? You know what I mean? So I would say what you said, the scenario we played out where I was the one with the stinky washcloth and you were like...

you know I'm gonna keep it real with you you know we girls but for anything and I was in the bathroom the other day and I've I smelled the wash rag that is yours because yours green and well you don't gotta say the color just be like I smelled the washcloth and I just she's just not putting soap on her washcloth she's just like just maybe maybe just rinsing off yeah water straight water because why would a washcloth smell like yeah something else yeah and

And then what is the stench? Is it pussy? Is it ass? Is it just dirt? Sour? Like, cause I've smelled. She's trying to not use soap. Washcloths, yeah. Yeah. Now we got a commercial and if you click off this podcast, I swear I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen.

The first two years of 2025 have been quite a year. Work deadlines, group chats you can't escape, and your real cousin's latest overshare? It's a lot. But here's the good news. You don't have to bring that stress into your car. The all-new Nissan Murano is your peace on wheels thanks to its available features. Imagine sliding into the relaxing massager seats that feel like they were made to melt your tensions. Take in the skyline views that let the sunlight pour in. And watch as your day brightens.

I have a special playlist that always gets me right. And with the Bose premium sound system, you too can vibe like you're at your own private concert. Plus with the 64 color personalized light option, you can set the mood any way you want. Be it romantic, chill, or in a straight up do not disturb mode.

Let the Nissan Murano be your oasis in a chaotic world. Because sometimes, the greatest rush isn't rushing at all. Drive an all-new Nissan Murano today. Panoramic moonroof, ambient lighting, bows, and massaging leather-appointed seats are optional features. Hey fam, if you're like me, you're thinking about how to level up in your career. Maybe you're fresh out of college, just started in your field, or even looking to switch things up and find your true calling.

Whatever stage you're in, remember that this is your time to grow, to learn, and to build something that lasts. State Farm understands that early career development is key to long-term success. They've been a steady presence in our communities, and they know that having the right support early on can make all the difference.

State Forum is there to help you make smart moves and to help you get the coverage you need. We all know the journey to success is a marathon, not a sprint. It's about staying focused, staying grounded, and making sure you're protected every step of the way. Let's build our careers with confidence, knowing that State Forum is there to support us, just like they've always been. Because like a good neighbor, State Forum is there. Find out more at stateforum.com.

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PayPal lets you pay all your pals, like your graduation gifters. Who's paying for the mattress topper? You mean the beanbag chair? Aren't we getting a mini fridge? Can we create a pool on PayPal? It lets us collect the money before we buy. Ooh, yes, that's smart. Glad we can agree on something.

Easily pool, split, and send money with PayPal. Get started in the PayPal app. A PayPal account is required to send and receive money. A balance account is required to create a pool. Ew, but like, how can you like just rinse off your vag? Don't be scared. You can use my soap like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So just casually be like, hey, well, you can use my soap if you want. Yeah. That is not going to play out well. She'll be like, what do you mean? And then.

No, she might actually be. No, we're going to play these out. No, there's no way. So. Hey, girl, you can use my soap. Don't be scared. Okay, not like that. Yeah, exactly. Fine, just be like, that's how I said it. Like, yo, I love it. Like, big up the soap that you're using. Okay. Like, yo, try it. It smells so good. Okay. So what if she's just using regular Dove? Ew, like bar soap Dove? Yeah. No. No.

What kind of soap do you use? I like liquid. So what about the liquid dove?

Yeah, that's fine. The soap that's been in there and you bigging it up, that means I big stink because I see the same soap every day. You act like you just came here with a new fucking soap, bitch. You're telling me about soap that's already in there. I would get a new soap. Okay, so you would get a new soap. Okay. You know a good soap is Native. Get Native. The Native brand. Those are really good. Is it Olay I think I get? Oh, Olay is good too. It's real moisturizing. I love that. Make your skin so soft. Olay is good. Dove is good also. But did you know that Dove...

Liquid soap is literally lotion. What? Yes, it's moisturizing. It's lotion. It's not even soap. That's crazy. Only the bars of soap for Dove is actual soap. Yes, Dove liquid soap. If you read the back and you actually, it's moisturizer. It's not even body wash. It's not soap. That's why it doesn't lather like that. Yeah. It's classified as a cleanser, but it's not an actual soap. That's why it doesn't lather. Crazy. Okay.

Interesting. I just start using Olay more now. Like the... They have like a sea salt one that like exfoliates too. And this is since you've been pregnant? You've been using this or you just like it period? I use it... I'm using it more now. But...

sporadically yeah before i was pregnant yeah well i was too late to start another story so is there anything else you want to talk about yes so is it too late i knew it no it's not too late go ahead but i mean this is not someone i knew you wanted one absolutely i saw this story and i feel like what oh my god it's dumb so can i read it to you like this is off of

Social media, guys. All right. So Guy Wright's in saying...

Bro, I did some dumb shit. Took my baby mama to Atlanta, went to a swingers club and turned up. Bro, me and her, the bro stuff, gotta stop. Bro, me and her in her fine ass red bone turning up, I'm done tapped out. I called me two good ones, I'm drained. This big black 6'6 muscle head nigga came over and wanted to join them. Had to agree because that's what we talked about beforehand. That was both on our bucket list. Not getting too graphic, but follow me.

He had a towel on. I'm not the smallest down there. No ditty. I'm a good seven plus plus. This dude pulled out an elephant trunk and laid it on the other girl's forehead.

I told him you're not putting that in my girl this heaven said I want it I took the hardest swallow and said okay so is this a gay nigga or is this a woman no a gay woman talking right now yeah this is a guy oh yeah

Oh, wow. Okay. Okay. So I had to watch my girl get slaughtered. I even went over there while he was doing it and rubbed her forehead to tell her it will be okay. What?

Bitch. While she was getting... Sounds like a scene from Bang Bros or some shit. She was yelling, begging for me. She was in the zone and I checked out mentally. It's okay when we do it, but that right there, nah. Fast forward to this morning. I woke up this morning in the mood like any guy would. I went over to her and started to strike it up.

with her this motherfucker said not right now I'm still sore from the weekend oh shit what the fuck who says that I can get oh I can't get what I want oh I can't get what I want cause she's still sore from man nigga yes real shit I thought I could take it but this entire experience turned me completely off I don't want to break up with her but I love her I just don't

think it would ever be the same. So wait, so this is a threesome that he agreed to. They're, I guess, they're a swinging couple. Okay. So they swung to the wrong nigga. Yeah. They swung it to the wrong guy or the right guy for her. Yeah. But obviously,

Oh my God. And she's sore. He trying to fuck right after that day. And she's still sore from him, from the other guy. Well, that's what the fuck you get when you swinging all over the goddamn place. Like what the hell? You can't take the heat, get the hell out the kitchen. Like, no. But why? Like he's a favorite. He's like...

I don't know. Like, he's like, I had to take the biggest part. Like, okay. Like him walking over there and letting her know, like, it's okay. It's okay. Baby, it's already okay. Shane, get the fuck up. She over there having the time of her life. That's crazy. I don't understand people that don't like to see that though. Yeah, I can't. I can't. And then you think you about to do something with your little dick the next day. And she like, uh-uh. He said he had a seven plus plus.

He said that he had that or the guy had that? No, he does. Oh, I think the guy had a 9++. And that's why she was sore. He probably never had her sore before. Yikes. I can't deal with that. Did they say how old they were? Mm-mm. See, those swing of stories get a little crazy. That's why when me and Chris was just in Cancun and he wore them pineapple shorts and them people was walking up to him like, so what's up? And I'm like, the fuck you mean what's up?

Apparently the pineapple is a symbol for fucking swinging. Oh, really? Yes. It's a whole thing, girl. I didn't know they had fruit. Yes. Fruits, girl. Pineapples. Like that. That's the symbol of swinging. And yes, girl, we had old couples walking around TRS trying to fuck us. Yes, girl. I was like, hold on. Excuse me. That's not funny. Chris was like, what you mean? I'm like, what the fuck you mean? Don't be all happy and shit.

These old bitches. And he was paying. I was like, I don't know how much. Shut up. How much? And he Puerto Rican and all that and everything. Yeah, but apparently that is the thing. I can't deal with the swinging. So I don't have no advice for that brother. That's on him. He should have knew something was up. He should have got the fuck up when that nigga laid his dick, slapped his dick on his wife's forehead. Yeah, but... Don't put your shit on my forehead. That's something to him saying, I want to break up with her. Like, what the fuck?

You're goofy. This is what y'all do. Yes. Yeah. You can fuck, but... But she can't get... Now, if the rules had reversed, right, how would he feel? Like, if it was a woman that, like, had his mind gone. I know. Exactly. And she said she wanted to break up with you because you was eating shorty pussy or shorty was sucking you off a little too great. And the next day, she wanted to suck you off and you told her, no, I'm drained. I'm good. I'm so tired, you know, from yesterday. Yeah.

Right. What if she wanted to break up with your ass? You also, you know, something else that I got a problem with. I got a problem with the whole polygamy thing only being for men. Like, you know how Neo has four women, right? Why can't it go the other way? Or does it go the other way? We just haven't seen it yet. Like, is a woman allowed to have four men? According to...

Because that's crazy. The mom that's on Baby Boy, she does that shit, too. Uh-huh. What you mean? Oh, AJ Johnson? Damn, I know I missed her interview when she was here. Yeah, I know. That's my girl, too. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. She been with that. She's also a swinger. Yeah. She be swinging. I don't think I could... I think it's just a lot to deal with. Yeah, to deal with. Yeah. No, I got you. I know. It's like, who's taking that many dicks? No, I got you. That and just, like, I don't like to be bothered with people like that, either. So you just...

You want to be entertained by so many. By so many people at once. Like for a woman, it is kind of different. I know, but I just hate how women. Even for a man, too, I think. Oh, I know. But see, men can do it easier. You know, because men have been doing this shit since the beginning of the fucking time. It's always been a thing. But I'm just saying, like, if it goes for women, I mean, if it goes for men, there are some women who can handle that and who actually would like that. Just like some men who prefer to have more than one woman. Why is it bad when women want to do it? And, you know, do it like your own.

But yeah, we've come to the end of yet another carefully reckless episode, which your girl just hilarious. Taylor is here. Say bye Taylor. Bye. All right, y'all. I gave it a direction and she took it. So catch us next week on carefully reckless. Peace. Carefully reckless is a production of I heart radio and the black effect for more podcasts from I heart radio. Visit the I heart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

Taking control of your career is empowering. Just don't tell my boss I said that. Building a career just isn't about a job. It's about creating a path that impacts our community and future generations.

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