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Oh shit, we back on the air. Welcome back to yet another carefully written episode with your girl Jess Hilarious. So we're gonna jump right in. We got some written passages, y'all. Remember I told y'all people don't be wanting nobody to catch on to their voice. So we don't have voice notes today. But thank God that I can read the non-punctuations and shit. So we're gonna get it popping. Here we go. Hey Jess, so I'm gay. Damn, hold up. That is not how you start a story.
God damn it. I mean, I could see if it was June, but how you... Hey, Jess, I'm gay. Like...
Oh, my God. Usually it's like, hey, Jess, I'm Chris. Or, hey, Jess, I'm Courtney. He'll say, hey, Jess, I'm gay. Straight off the rippy. All right, that's cool. And I've been talking to this girl for about two months. This will be my first relationship with a girl. And I'm actually falling for her. Never thought I would be in a relationship with a female, but it's going. Now, we're both pretty popular on social media, and we're both active on social media with pretty popular platforms.
So we've been trying to figure out the perfect time to pop out. Okay, I understand that. We don't want to rush anything. We just want to make sure we're locked in before revealing each other on each other's pages. Nothing wrong with that. I can relate. But girls, tell me why I wake up yesterday morning, OSHA, and I see the green circle with her name on it, which means she posted in her close friends. I was like, what the fuck that mean? I don't know what a green circle is. I don't have no close friends or nothing.
Alright, I clicked and it was a picture of us, but my back was turned. So I'm trying to figure out if I should be happy about this or should I question it? Because if this is supposed to be the pop-out, why is the pop-out in your close friends? It also got me thinking, who is in her close friends and why didn't she post it publicly?
Mm-hmm. And then, girl, I'm such an overthinker. Maybe she took everybody out of her close friends and had me in there by myself so I can see it, like she's looking for a reaction or something. What do you think, Jess? Hmm.
Well, it could be a couple of things. It could be a couple of things. If you two have, well, I want to know, have you two talked about what that looks like for you guys, the popping out situation? Have you guys even spoke on it, like, and had a real conversation about it? Because I know with me and my man, he's not really big on social media, so he can't relate to this story, but I can. But I ain't about to go back and talk about new exes and I like it, so I'm just going to let y'all, let you know this. Um,
Um, we still did talk about it, Chris and I. We talked about when we were going to post each other, and I brought it up because he wasn't really big on social... He's still not big on social media, and he's never really cared about it that much to have to do a debut of who his girlfriend is, you know what I mean? But I actually did go to him and sit down with him, and I was like, um...
What it looks like for me is this. I think it's time to post you. Of course, we were well past two months, but not that far in. You know, we were just about like six months in or whatever. And the timing doesn't matter. It just it just matters if you guys are ready.
But like you said earlier in your passage, you wanted to just see if y'all are locked in, y'all, you want to be completely comfortable with the person before you just parade them to the world, before you let somebody, because the moment you let somebody into your safe space and your relationship is definitely a safe space, you know,
You want to make sure this is what you want. You know, nobody can tell the future. Nobody knows that they're going to be with somebody forever, but that's what you plan for. Right. You know, so without being a fortune teller, you're just able to react off your feelings. And that's what I think your girlfriend might have done in this case.
Also, I can see why it kind of has you thinking in your mind running, because like you said, this is your first time in a gay relationship. This is your first time in a relationship with a woman, you know, shall I say. And you just want to make sure, you know, and I have a joke, a stand up joke about this, but you want to be careful posting anybody, whether it's girl posting a girl or a man posting a man, woman on man, whatever. Like you want to be careful posting whoever you're with.
Because it seems like that's when everything goes to shit, when you let people in your business. I guess that's the reason for the close friends. She could have been waiting to see a reaction. She could have. I like that third option that you said. You said you were such an overthinker, but I don't think that's overthinking. She could have removed everybody out of her close friends group.
To just get a reaction out of you. What was your reaction, though? Did you hit her up about it? You leaving meat off the potatoes. I mean, you leaving meat off the bones. I need to know what happened. I need an update. I know you're going to update me. Because this ain't my first time helping you out. So I'm going to need an update. But I do want to say, maybe she didn't go so hard with the pictures. Because I know y'all have a thousand pictures with each other where she could have posted one to show your face.
but would that have made you upset if she'd have posted your face? And then I could see what you're saying when you said, okay, if it's a pop-out, why is it in your close friends? I could see that as well, but are you ready for that? Have you posted her yet? Have you thought about that? You know, so it was just a couple of questions that I would like to be privy with the answer to, because I don't think it was any harm trying to be done or anything. I think that she
She's just trying to leave her little mark. You know what I'm saying? I think she wants people to know this is my girl without actually showing who you are until you are ready to post her too. Also, is she one of those females who feel like, well, is she one of those people? Because it's not just girls, trust me. Is she one of those people who feel like, okay, I posted you now, when are you going to post me? And I'm not going to say that's a tit-for-tat thing, but most of the time when you show somebody off,
You're definitely looking to be showed off eventually, not too long after you showing somebody off.
But I definitely like, I like, I like this story because it's a lot of that going on. It don't matter how old you are. It don't matter how young you are, how popular you are on social media. You just want to be careful. You just, you just want to be careful. And whether you have a big platform or not, people will be scared to post their people. You know, I know you don't want nobody coming to you as a woman. So, and both of y'all social medias is popping. Y'all got pretty popular platforms online.
Like you said. So I don't know. I think you should kind of sit down and talk to her about it. Cause you damn sure ain't tell me whether you hold her up about her, talk to her and just, just let me know. But I'm absolutely proud of you for telling me your business. Like I tell everybody who sends me in a story. Thank y'all. Thank y'all for trusting me with your information and trusting my listeners, you know, and staying anonymous as well. So,
So check back in with me, baby. If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back. Here's a little secret. Most smartphone deals aren't that exciting. To be honest, they're barely worth mentioning. But then there's AT&T and their best deals. Those are quite exciting. They're the kind of deals that are worth talking about, like their deal on the Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 6.
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State Farm Insurance gets it. Representation alone doesn't equate to authenticity. State Farm understands and wants to help protect our communities by investing in our future, building off the hard work our parents have done before us. We all are looking to create generational wealth so that our families and generations behind us have a better starting point than we did. That begins with financial literacy.
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Moving on. Hey, Jess, please fix my mess. I've been dating a man for 16 months and it ended last month. Okay, so that's a little over a year. Backstory. I met him through social media. What is it? Social media? We're going to call this episode social media. He was not working at the time until last January, which I helped him expand his job hunt to get the job he got and still has. Okay, that's good. I know that's right. Supportive queen.
He told me he had a child on the way. Wait a minute. Hold up. Okay. And I too told him I have kids also. So kids are no big deal to me. Yeah. Yeah, if they already here...
But if they on the way, let me just finish reading. He told me he never plans on getting back with the child's mother. However, in February, the child's mother wanted to work things out. I mean, yeah, she was pregnant. That lasted until the beginning of May. During that time span, we continued communication, but the dating stopped. However, after he tells me it ended in May, it's back to us again. Okay. Now,
Now from the beginning we implemented the rules of we're only dating each other. Okay, so that means you only dating him. He only dating you.
And having sex with each other. Okay, you only having sex with him, he only having sex with you. If someone else did pop up in our lives, we would tell each other. Okay, so you being honest with him and he being honest with you. Now fast forward to December. We're on a lunch date and I see his Apple Watch. It's a selfie picture of him and this one chick. Uh-uh. Okay. And that's it? Listen, I am so... Let me vent real quick to y'all. This is...
I'm so sick of y'all with these open-ended ass stories. Now, I'm not going to be reading this shit no more. I'm going to change the whole fucking trajectory of Calfly Reckless if y'all asses cannot send me a whole fucking story. Like, why do you guys start and then you stop? This is irritating the shit out of me. This is like the fourth week...
I'm sorry, my sister grabbed my shoulder like, no, no, no, no, no. What's going on? I'm sick of this shit. This is like the fourth week in a row that these people write these fucking stories and then they stop right there. I always make fun of it. Like maybe a nigga walked in the room while you was typing and shit. Okay, I'm sure he ain't staying in the room right now. Shit, if it's a to be continued, you come back and continue, mother... Girl...
Shit, I don't know what the fuck to tell you. After you saw the selfie of him and the one chick on the Apple Watch, what did you do? And was it the baby mom? What was it? God damn it, I want to give you some advice. But I can't if y'all coming with these open-ended stories. This shit is crazy.
So basically, now I'm about to get in your ass because where you went wrong at anyway was getting with a nigga who had a baby on the way. Now, I don't give a fuck. I've been through them all. I've been in almost every situation that I read on this here podcast, like that somebody has given me. I've either been through it or I know somebody who has. But that's a red flag right there. A guy got a woman pregnant.
And then he's still dating while she's pregnant. Listen, when I was pregnant with Ashton, Rome was dating. Of course he told people that he wasn't going to be with me. But where was he at every fucking night? With his girlfriend, me. You know what I'm saying? A nigga going to say whatever the fuck he can to get what he wants.
Of course the girl was telling him she wanted to be with him and work things out. They was probably just going through it because of hormonal changes or she must have, you know. Girl, if you've never, yeah, you have had babies. Okay, I was going to say, if you've never been pregnant, you don't understand. You got kids. You ain't got one. You got kids. Talking about you sold them, it wasn't no big deal. Yeah, damn right it's a big deal.
It has to be a big deal if his kid's not here yet. But I like how you said you stopped talking to him and that was that. And then...
You fast forward a little bit to when he told you that it ended in May. And then you said it was back to y'all again. All right, cool. And so then you lay down some rules because giving how it was going before. I know when, you know, he spent the block or you spent the block, you know, you had to lay down some ground rules because there was certainly some groundwork that should that should have been done, you know, because you didn't want the same thing that happened before to happen again.
Cool. But obviously he broke that rule because when y'all at lunch, a selfie pop up on your phone and I don't know what else. So you need to, I'm not even going to milk this shit. Try to stretch it or whatever. You need to let me know what else happened. And if you don't, oh fucking well. Pissing me off with this shit. God damn it. Oh motherfuckers. Girl, shit, they pissing me off. My sister in here like, Jessica, calm down. How? I hate when they do that.
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Okay, got another story for you. First off, Happy New Year's. Just listen. I'm going to tell y'all one more time. It's Happy New Year. How it's going to be more than one year is...
It's Happy New Year. We go a year at a time. But Happy New Year to you too, boo. I'm just a woman who feels alone. Yes, I'm married. I'm a mother. I'm an auntie. I'm a daughter. And I only had one friend, my best friend of 45 years. Okay. Even with this, I feel alone. The first man in your life is your father, who teaches you how a man should love you.
My dad was a great dad. However, in 89, my father started using crack and drinking up a storm. My world has been turned upside down. Oh, wow. He started to physically abuse my mother. I loved my mother, but she was weak. Many years go by. She found her strength to leave my father and later passed in 97. I'm sorry.
I then took care of my father with his addiction because my older brother and younger sister didn't want to deal with him. I understand that as well. Fast forward, my father passed in 2015. He lived a long time after that, though, so that's something to be grateful to God for. By 97, I met the man of my dreams. We had two children, one boy and one girl. After 14 years together, we were married. Biggest mistake of my life. Damn.
After 14 years, something wasn't a mistake. He was so kind and loving. Then things changed. He's so disrespectful. Yo, Naya, hold on, wait. It stopped. I don't know if this is an error or what the fuck this is. Maybe it's something going on with this shit. Because that story stopped like that too.
But then how is somebody, how's some of them getting through and some of them not? Unless they're just not finishing. Unless all of y'all are just not finishing. What the fuck is going on, y'all? I can't even give full advice. I don't know what she wants. I mean, I know she feels alone. I'm sorry about hearing the story about your parents. Both your mom and your dad, you lost them. And, you know, you definitely...
was a blessed daughter to have taken care of your father after seeing him struggle with such an addiction and, you know, be physically abusive and mentally abusive to your mom. I don't like how you called her weak though. You know, you just don't know what she was going through in that time. She could have been battling depression. She could have been, you know, and again, I'm not trying to change how you feel, you know, cause you know, your mother, you knew your mother more than I did or any of us listening. Um,
You know what I'm saying? But I'm sure if there was something that she could have done to not be in that situation, I'm sure she would have done it for you and your siblings sake. You also went on to tell me after 14 years of you and your children's father being together, that was a big mistake. You married him. Things changed. He was disrespectful and mentally and emotionally and verbally abusive. So if you can say that your mom was weak for taking that abuse from your father,
and the same breath as you taking the abuse, then what does that make you? You wouldn't call yourself a weak woman, right? Right. And you know how they say the apple don't fall far from the tree. I'm not insulting you. I just want you to realize you called your mother weak and you would be upset if I were to call you weak. I don't know what your mental stability is like. I don't know what your mental health is like. I don't know the status of your mental health. I don't know what you're going through.
I do know that you're a mom and you have to live for your children. You know, you have to raise your children. You have to be mentally stable enough to raise your children. You have to be okay. It sounds as if you need therapy because you started off saying that you're alone. You're a 45-year-old woman and you're alone. You have one best friend. You have one friend. This is not going to make you feel any better, I suppose, but there are people with no friends, no family, no siblings, no nothing.
You know, so let's look around and see what you do have and get some therapy. That's all I can tell you right now because I don't know what else your story is. I'm going to look further into what the hell may be going on with Instagram because I know all of y'all can't be this like dense to keep stopping this goddamn story. And I'm sorry. I'm just like, what the fuck is going on?
But, okay, last story, and then we are going to end this episode, y'all. Okay, so I think I read this one last week, but this guy came back. He said, I have a question. Is it bad for a guy my age to still be a virgin without choice? I never smoked, drank, or slept with anyone, and I feel embarrassed. I'm 27. I think I'm going to be forever a virgin, sadly. I'm an incel. You a fucking what? I don't even know what that means.
And I'm not choosing this because I want to. Beautiful women don't want me. You're 27. You're a virgin. You've never taken a drug in your life. And by that, I mean, you said you never smoked. You never drank or anything. You feel embarrassed. Well, what else do you want? Tell me more about yourself. This is also open-ended as well. I mean, you finished it. It's just that most guys don't really...
Leave a lot of meat on the bone as well. I do want to first and foremost say thank you for even exposing this little part for me, you know of your life. I definitely can understand why you feel embarrassed. You shouldn't be. I mean, you're 27. That just means when you do get some, it's going to be a magical moment for you, honey. Like, you know, make sure because you have held your virginity.
Up to par for so long that you don't just give it away to any fucking body. I mean, because you have not come this far just to go grab some chlamydia. Damn. All right. So just make sure that it's, you know, my sister is like, nigga.
But seriously, shit. You know, it's a lot of men out here who got bodies on bodies on bodies. You know what I'm saying? And I'm pretty sure there is a woman out there who could appreciate meeting a 27-year-old virgin because she would be a first, you know? And hopefully you meet somebody like Yvonne Orgy. You know, she is...
As sexual as her last name may be, she is or was recently a virgin up until I think she's in her mid-30s or some shit. So it's not unheard of. It's not like it's something that you have to be embarrassed about. But I would definitely...
Tell me more about yourself. You know, what are some things that are fun to you? What do you do? You know, I'm going through your page. You're certainly handsome. I don't understand what you mean by beautiful women don't want me. What the hell do you do? That's going to be hard to say, but it's like, are you weird? What the fuck? Would you classify yourself as a I don't know what you meant by an incel. Does that mean an introvert? I mean, I could certainly Google it.
Because only a super-duper smart-ass, genius-ass nigga who ain't had sex yet will use a word like that. If it's a word. Maybe it was a mistake. Okay, so incel means members of an online subculture who defines themselves as unable to find romantic... Oh, okay. Yeah, you read books and shit. Alright. So...
You're smart, obviously, you know, just by the word that you use. I would never be like, hey, y'all, I'm an incel. But that's you're smart. So you need to find you another little smarty pants. What do you like to do for fun? Please don't tell me you read books in the house. I need to know more. I need for you to lighten up a little bit. I threw some little humor in there for you. Do you laugh? Do you like comedy? Do you like to...
Do you want to take a damn shot? I mean, I know you don't smoke. I'm not encouraging anybody to do anything that they don't want to do. I mean, because you certainly have a choice. You're 27. You're of age. You can do any and everything you fucking want. I mean, do you travel? Do you... What are some of your favorite shows? Do you watch TV? What do you do? What excites you, you know? You know, what excites you down there, too? You know what I mean? Like, I don't... Have you ever watched porn? Like, what's up? I don't... I don't know. What the fuck? But...
I am here for you. And I, as hard as that may sound, you know, I think I may have throw a little bit too many jokes at you because I don't know what you like. I don't know what you do. I don't know if you're like allergic to laughing or some shit. But listen, we need to get you some. But we need to get you a great woman, a good woman. Because like I said, don't waste that virginity on nobody else.
That don't deserve it. You know what I'm saying? If you've saved yourself, like you said, not by choice, but it don't matter by choice or not, you have saved yourself, obviously. And so a woman that's worthy of that is the only woman deserving of it. So just...
Put some more meat on the bones for me. Let me know what you like, what you don't like, and let's see. Let's see. Do you even know what you don't like? You know, I could ask you questions all day because I don't know shit. But just like that, we've come to the end of yet another Carefully Reckless episode with your girl, Jess Hilarious. Make sure you tune in to Carefully Reckless every Wednesday on iHeart under the Black Effect umbrella and in my deepest pan voice. Peace.
I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I'm a savage. I think I killed GD.
She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronaldi. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop.
I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Gear up for outdoor adventures with the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder. This midsize SUV is designed for epic journeys, offering spacious seating for eight, available panoramic moonroof, and an available intelligent four-wheel drive feature with seven drive modes to take your off-road experience to new heights.
Discover the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder at NissanUSA.com. Intelligent all-wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. Towing capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Towing Guide and Owner's Manual for additional information. Always secure cargo.
Most deals are barely worth mentioning. But then there's AT&T's best deal on the new Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 6 featuring FlexCam with Galaxy AI. You can get it on them when you trade in your eligible smartphone any year, any condition. It's a deal so good you'll be shouting,
So grab a ladder and learn how to get that new phone on AT&T. AT&T connecting changes. Everything requires trade in of galaxy S note or Z series smartphone limited time offer 256 gigabytes for $0 additional fees, terms and restrictions apply. Zatt.com slash Samsung or visit an AT&T store for details.
The fall season. We don't have to let it happen yet because summer doesn't stop in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. You can still get out and enjoy 60 miles of beaches, eat in the South's newest foodie haven with over 2,000 restaurants, and have endless fun at hundreds of attractions. Hold on to that sweet summer feeling a little longer at the beach. Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Plan your trip at visitmyrtlebeach.com. That's visitmyrtlebeach.com.
Vitamin water was born in New York because New Yorkers wanted more. Like more flavor to go with all the flavor. A refreshing drink after climbing six flights of stairs to a walk-up apartment or standing in the subway station in 100 degree heat. Drink vitamin water. It's from New York.